Reddit reviews Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us

Because I read a book called Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us by Jesse Bering

https://www.amazon.com/Perv-Sexual-Deviant-All-Us/dp/0374230897

This isn't my specific area of expertise (I mostly study sexual orientations) but my understanding is that men tend to develop a more static "sexual repertoire" following puberty/adolescence than do women. Before this time, nearly anything can find its way into a man's repertoire -- so that if a guy (for instance) happens to begin his masturbatory life jerking-off to women's shoe catalogs, because it's one of the few sources of erotic stimulation available to him at such a young age - he may well develop an erotic attraction to women's shoes as an adult. This is to say, a shoe (even without a woman attached to it) can arouse him.

This attraction to an inanimate object or to an object (body part, animal, ...) that is not seen as sexual by the majority of others is a true fetish. We tend to conflate fetishes with paraphilias, which are any sexual act/attraction/... outside of the norm. This would include bondage, BDSM, role playing, fetishes, and other "unusual" sexual acts (urination, e.g.). Whereas a fetish, is strictly defined as a sexual attraction to a specific, often non-sexual, object (ex: shoes, underwear, feet, hats, bees, dirt, lightbulbs, ... penises--if you're a straight man). Therefore, a fetish is a type of paraphilia; but all paraphilias are not fetishes.

While many women enjoy and are turned on by paraphilias (dom/sub, e.g.) and may find particular parts of a lover's body enticing (a man's arms), we don't consider these true fetishes unless she can reliably be aroused by some non-sexual object (such as a pair of socks) even when there is no person in/around said socks.

Whereas many men will report that they are undeniably aroused by particular articles of clothing (stocking, panties, jock-straps, socks), body parts (feet, hair, wrists, penises), or other objects (food, plants, blankets, balloons) even when no other person is seen along with the objects or (as in OP's case) in spite of the attached person/man.
It seems that men's sexual interests/sexual repertoire "closes" at some point. That is, at some point near the end of puberty, a man is sexually attracted to anything and everything he will be sexually attracted to for the rest of his life. This isn't to say that he may not discover some lesser or less explored attractions later in life. But that is to say, that if you're 35 and have never been turned on by a shoe -- it's very likely you will never be.

[And to be fair, I'm not sure how sexual orientation fits into this model. That is, does a man's brain catalog male and/or female into the sexual repertoire or does it simply catalog "human?"]

Women's sexual repertoires seem to remain much more open throughout their lives, which as a bi-product means that fetishes aren't locked into their sexual repertoires in the same way as they are for men. This is usually cited as the reason why women seem to be more sexually fluid than men. (Although this is typically misunderstood to be about sexual orientation -- which as I noted is not necessarily true as such.)

There is a great chapter about this in Jesse Barring's book Perve if you're interested in reading more about it.

>(however, Coraline did marry a woman and had a daughter pre-transition so maybe she's a lesbian?

According to a book I read a while back, the great majority of MtF transsexuals are sexually attracted to women. Unfortunately, I can't remember if it said that FtM transsexuals are mostly attracted to men, or if it was the other way around.

Glad someone posted this.

This is the book where I first learned it.

I'm currently reading this book, called Perv: The Sexual Deviant in All of Us. It has some pretty great psychology in it so far. I haven't finished it yet, but I like it so far!

Perv: The Sexual Deviant in all of Us

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0374230897?pc_redir=1411222207&robot_redir=1

Sexuality is a big and really weird thing. Her reasons will be her own, and I really would not recommend hopping right into asking her why she is into it, but see if eventually you can figure it out. Give it a try with a random lady from Tinder instead of "shitting where you eat."



I'd really recommend checking out the book "Perv" by Jesse Bering. It's not that long, written for the common man, and really opened my eyes to sexual fetish development. 10/10.

What you're trying to change is the "that I find completely shameful" part. Who cares? Some people get off on killing, cooking, and eating other human beings, and conspire to actually do so. Google "cannibal cop" - now that's shameful. But even having that fetish (called vorarephilia, btw), as long as you know you can never actually act on it, is no problem at all. You say that you can't imagine anybody you know having a weird fetish, but you'd be surprised. It's not exactly a great dinnertime conversation topic, but I feel like it's almost common knowledge that most people have a weird fetish or two. Maybe you would appreciate this book? I'm trying to give you some resources here, but there's no substitute for talking to someone in person, ideally a mental health professional.

A los teleiófilos hebefóbicos:

Antes de bajivotarme y putearme que sé que con gusto lo van a hacer —de la misma forma que la gente alienaba y estigmatizaba a los gays el siglo pasado, hasta que la homosexualidad dejó de ser considerada una enfermedad mental y empezó a verse como realmente es, una orientación sexual al igual que la hebephilia—, los invito a informarse un poco sobre el tema visitando el siguiente compilado de recursos.

• Estudio que se hizo con datos de OKCupid que revela que los hombres de todas las edades prefieren chicas de 20 (porque era lo mínimo que se podía elegir, si no muchos de esos 20 estarían más cerca de 14, como muestra el próximo gráfico)
  
• Gráfico que muestra cuán atractiva es una mujer en función de su edad
  
• Académicos hacen conferencias en Cambridge mostrando que ser hebéfilo es lo más normal del mundo, más común aún que ser homosexual
  
• AMA de un hebéfilo en r/casualiama
  
• Un documental muy interesante que plantea y responde la pregunta: ¿Son todos los hombres pedófilos?
  
• Un libro sobre perversiones sexuales que dedica a un capítulo entero a las cronofilias, incluyendo la hebefilia. También habla de otras filias no tan comunes como la de una mujer que se enamoró y se casó con la torre Eiffel (objetofilia). Recomendado si les interesa entender cómo y por qué surgen estas perversiones.
  
• La Asociación Estadounidense de Psiquiatría rechazó el pedido de que se agregue la hebefilia al DSM (básicamente una lista de trastornos mentales, donde estaba la homosexualidad hasta que la sacaron en 1974 cuando empezó a cambiar el paradigma social)
  
• Investigadores, científicos y psicólogos empiezan a ver a la pedofilia como una orientación sexual
  
• Un psicólogo responde a la pregunta: ¿Es normal la hebephilia? Spoiler: sí, y tiene sentido evolutivo que así sea porque la mujer es más fértil antes de los 20
  
• Copa de Hebe, el blog al que alude OP. Muy interesante y con mucha información sobre el tema.
  
  Si sus prejuicios y preconceptos provocan una disonancia cognitiva tan fuerte con toda esta información que hace que no puedan ver la realidad y me quieran tirar con unos cuantos ad-hominems y vagibotox, siéntanse libres de hacerlo. Yo ya soy feliz con haber aportado mi granito de arena hacia un nuevo zeitgeist.
  
  Ojalá ese cambio de paradigma social sea pronto y los hebéfilos, pedófilos, gerontófilos, objetófilos y demás personas de cualquier orientación sexual que todavía sea considerada tabú lleguen a disfrutar de poder salir del closet sin ser juzgado, como pudieron hacer los gays, lesbianas, bisexuales y transexuales estos últimos años.