Reddit reviews Survivors & Partners: Healing the Relationships of Sexual Abuse Survivors

CoSA
and other support groups for partners of survivors are usually hard to find outside major cities. If you can't locate one close by, you may at least benefit from getting to some CoDA and ACA meetings. Likewise, see the books on this amazon page.

I found a general overview of how CSA affects attachment here:
https://www.bridgestorecovery.com/blog/trauma-childhood-abuse-affects-interpersonal-relationships-begin-healing/

I'm sure there's a lot more out there :)

I will say, from my own perspective, that I managed to find an absolutely lovely man, and we had a good relationship that I managed to keep in a holding pattern away from too much commitment, or from leaving outright, for over 10 years before I got married.

When I got engaged, every anxiety I had about being vulnerable and TRULY close to someone (ie, making that kind of commitment) exploded in my face leaving me curled up on my bed seeking solace in every single fraction of a moment I had there.

I didn't know what kind of wall I had up between my hubby and I, but it was pretty impressive. Deep down I knew I didn't let ANYONE close. Even the man I knew I loved. And I didn't know why.

It wasn't until I started therapy for CSA (I'd been amnesiac to it) that I started realizing what was really going on, and the strange fears and anger I would feel towards my husband started to make SENSE.

I'm saying all this because it's quite possible to have a lovely relationship with someone with attachment issues, but you might find yourself unable to go past a certain point. There might be the feeling of being held at arms length. Loved, certainly, but held at that distance because that's all the person you love can handle.

This might not be the case for your hubby. I'm just trying to give you an example of how CSA has affected my relationship. I consider myself pretty lucky. I didn't land in a relationship with another abuser, and it sounds like he's been lucky to find you too.

I would recommend a search for 'attachment issues abuse survivors', and 'partners of abuse survivors', because there are actually a bunch of support groups out there for folks like you.

I did a search for ' books for partners of abuse survivors' and also found:
https://www.amazon.com/Survivors-Partners-Healing-Relationships-Sexual/dp/0962996041

It's very good of you to care :)