Reddit reviews The Blessing Of A Skinned Knee: Raising Self-Reliant Children

Here's my 2 cents on the subject. First, I'd give up on the idea of debating. Most of the debating I see is nothing more than verbal warfare--how productive is that? Well, it probably depends on what your objectives are. Are you out to belittle people and make yourself feel better? Than verbal warfare is the way to go. Are you out to improve knowledge or discover truth? Then debating probably isn't the route to take. Whatever, I'd establish the objective upfront. I'd recommend simply asking questions and providing sources.

So what are some questions involved in the spanking subject?

1. What are the parents goals?
   
2. Do the methods applied meet the desired goals?
   
3. What is the self-ownership status of a child?
   
4. When does a child gain full agency?
   
   
5. Goals will vary by parent, but shouldn't this question be asked every time the subject comes up? Most parents will answer with goals like happy, productive, independent, socially skilled, able to think critically, whatever. I doubt many parents will say out lound that they want obedience, silence, blind acceptance of authority, shyness, inability to bond, addictive behavior, a poor relationship with their parents as adults, approach-avoidance behavior, depression, divorce, etc. The point is, the question needs to be asked, and the answer must frame the response.
   
   
6. Do the methods applied meet the desired goals? Now would be an excellent time to provide links and sources. There is a wealth of information available on the effectiveness and consequences of different parenting techniques. Read the sources, compare results to the desired goals, make your decision. No emotional and verbal warfare required.
   
   
7. What is the self-ownership status of a child? I've yet to see a complete theory or philosophy on this subject. I'd recommend saying you don't know or labeling all proposals as a "working theory" to diffuse all the negative reactions you're likely to get on this emotional subject. Personally I think parents should have a trustee relationship with their children, and that a child's request to leave a household should be honored as soon as he can make it. I have no idea how to put that in an argument but suspect it would involve knowledge of cognitive development.
   
   
8. When does a child gain full agency? Well, first you have the whole can one own oneself debate. Then you'd have to argue when that occurs, if it does. I again lean towards the trustee relationship and gradual development of agency.
   
   Here's sources for those interested in studying the issue instead of yelling at each other:
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbiq2-ukfhM
   
   http://www.alfiekohn.org/index.php
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338338284&sr=8-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Discipline-Compliance-Alfie-Kohn/dp/1416604723/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338338349&sr=1-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_17?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=punished+by+rewards+by+alfie+kohn&sprefix=punished+by+rewar%2Cstripbooks%2C256
   
   http://www.amazon.com/No-Contest-Case-Against-Competition/dp/0395631254/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338338440&sr=1-2
   
   http://nospank.net/
   
   http://www.rie.org/
   
   http://www.wholechild.org/vision/documents/TheEffectsOfImprovingCaregivingOnEarlyDevelopment.pdf
   
   http://www.echoparenting.org/
   
   http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/hp.html
   
   http://drgabormate.com/
   
   http://www.committedparent.com/
   
   http://www.janetlansbury.com/
   
   http://www.regardingbaby.org/
   
   http://www.eileensclasses.com/
   
   http://www.mindfulparentingnyc.com/Mindful_Parenting/Welcome.html
   
   http://www.riemiami.com/
   
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Parent-Caring-Infants-Respect/dp/1892560062/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338339719&sr=1-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Your-Self-Confident-Baby-Encourage-Abilities/dp/1118158792/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338339719&sr=1-3
   
   http://www.amazon.com/The-RIE-Manual/dp/1892560003/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294253451&sr=1-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Skinned-Knee-Teachings-Self-Reliant/dp/1416593063/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1298050770&sr=8-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ruth+anne+hammond&x=0&y=0
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Parent-You-Want-Sourcebook/dp/0553067508/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294253521&sr=1-1
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Life-Toddler-Alicia-Lieberman/dp/0028740173/ref=pd_sim_b_2
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Theories-Attachment-Introduction-Ainsworth-Brazelton/dp/1933653388/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1298051329&sr=8-10
   
   http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000XR2CGU/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1C1SJ1BR2T4ADEN9VMJM&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846
   
   http://www.amazon.com/Unfolding-Infants-Natural-Gross-Development/dp/1892560070/ref=pd_sim_b_1
   
   http://www.youtube.com/user/stefbot/videos?query=parenting
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyNQFG7C8JM
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjxXuDYdBzY
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONNRfflggBg
   
   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1GJsCa_4G8