Reddit reviews The Body Remembers: The Psychophysiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment (Norton Professional Books (Hardcover))

You are not alone and it has everything to do with stress and trauma. What you are describing is very normal for people with traumatic childhoods. I have very little memory of mine. I started to remember more in the last year (fun times!) but still only know a fraction of what happened.

Usually something will trigger the memories, and this commonly does happen when your life is actually pretty stable. Like your brain decides you can handle it now.

In my case, going NC with my mom is what opened the Pandora's box. I made a list of all the offenses she committed that I could remember so I could make a note to myself as to why she is banished forever (in case I ever reconsider). Once I started making the list more and more stuff came to me. There was a deluge of stuff at first and now stuff pops up here and there. It is like stuff I always knew but I forgot I knew it.

You might want to read this book http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Remembers-Psychophysiology-Professional/dp/0393703274 It does a good job of explaining the science behind why traumatic memories get repressed. I found it somewhat helpful to understand on a neurochemical level what causes this.

As much as she may want to leave the past in the past, the body remembers it. I think the reason God tells us to reserve sex for marriage is because the body remembers and it can make it harder to build a sexual connection in marriage. With trauma the body memories are stronger and can require professional help.we used this book https://www.amazon.ca/Body-Remembers-Psychophysiology-Trauma-Treatment/dp/0393703274/ref=sr_1_1?crid=20YN4T8MBHRRA&keywords=the+body+remembers&qid=1557668979&s=gateway&sprefix=The+body+re%2Caps%2C168&sr=8-1 in my course on trauma. It's very helpful for understanding body responses to trauma. I assume there are similar books that deal with non traumatic responses if her past wasn't traumatic.

There are some AMAZING resources here, so I'll just throw in a few others:

The Body Remembers

The Body Keeps the Score)

Enrique's Journey

Crossing Over

The Devil's Highway

Random Family

Lost Children of Wilder

As /u/RAGE_CAKES suggests a sex therapist would be the ideal choice to deal with this kind of problem.

This also reminds me of a book called The Body Remembers which is about how trauma can effect the body even after the event is over, which you might want to look into.

exercise is great and so is yoga but more intentional than that is where body work lives.

It can feel a little self indulgent but I like to work my knots out, get into deep stretches, and generally find where my emotional and psychological self meet my body. Somehow I didn't know about the theory of the body remembering and how our bodies protect us from fearful thinking and cognitive dissonance. You might not either?

I suggest it because it sounds like you are being very rational and still not understanding what or why your mind is behaving in this way. My therapist recommended this book and while you didn't mention trauma...

I guess I should clarify. I don't mean at that very moment. Just like the OP's bf, it works just fine after immediately controlling the impulse. Trauma, stress, etc (both big and small) can get stored up and need release. You acknowledge that yourself, so I don't think we're that far off.

>Exercise is great because it helps to process cortisol. Progressive muscle tensing is also great.

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Body-Remembers-Psychophysiology-Treatment-Professional/dp/0393703274&ved=2ahUKEwiH5ceb-fXkAhUI1qwKHTmyB10QFjAAegQIBhAC&usg=AOvVaw2t04GgVewLY_XpQyv9vK5c

ETA: There is a direct refutation of you article linked right there:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/evil-deeds/200909/anger-and-catharsis-myth-metaphor-or-reality

"Striking a pillow, bag or bed when one is not already angry can be an effective technique employed by some Reichian or Bioenergetic therapists for inducing, evoking and becoming more aware of one's repressed rage."

http://www.amazon.com/Body-Remembers-Psychophysiology-Treatment-Professional/dp/0393703274/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458805403&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+remembers

http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Childhood-Sexual-Abuse-Practical/dp/1555612253/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1458805422&sr=1-1&keywords=surviving+childhood+sexual+abuse

http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Childhood-Sexual-Abuse-Workbook/dp/1555612903/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1458805422&sr=1-2&keywords=surviving+childhood+sexual+abuse (workbook that goes with the above)

These three books have been absolutely invaluable to me as a placeholder for therapy. In fact, when I was in an intensive-outpatient day program specifically for sexual trauma, 90% of the therapy was directly out of the first book. When I could no longer afford to attend, I just went out and bought it myself.

I'm not trying to push that its better than therapy but I completely understand where you guys are at and to be honest if it's not the right time, then it's not the right time, and nothing good comes of forcing yourself before you're ready or before being sure that you will have time to open pandora's box, in a sense...at least it feels that way, anyway.

You sound very loving and supporting to be there with your girlfriend through this, and I hope you both can get some peace asap. Sending yall the best of thoughts.

The Body Remembers