Reddit reviews The Mindful Attraction Plan: Your Practical Roadmap to Creating the Life, Love and Success You Want

My major reddit participation is deadbedrooms. Some dude came over to my sub to post about how his wife was violently gang raped as a child and won't allow anal sex and how anal is the ultimate symbol of love and trust. He was downvoted into oblivion, my sub gave him a piece of our mind and deleted his post and then reposted to R/sex and r/marriedredpill. I followed him and doled out my votes and yes I made a comment saying I think he is not trolling, but actually as fucked up as he seems.

Yes, I read about all sorts of things that I find interesting and anything that I think will help my marriage, including books by Helen Fisher, books from support groups, books about bad relationships, and self-helpy red-pilly books

One can engage with philosophies while remaining critical and of ones own thoughts. Or at least I can. I'm comfortable learning about things I disagree with. However, my participation in that sub was motivated by my dislike and revulsion for a poster whom even the redpill had mostly disgust.

I wish there was good, easy to link advice to give the thousands of men on /r/deadbedrooms besides red pill stuff.

There is red pill "light" in the form of

• No More Mr. Nice Guy
  
• Married Man Sex Life Primer
  
• Mindful Attraction Plan
  
  These are very watered down but already labeled as "abusive".
  
  And of course there is PUA stuff for what it's worth. Much tamer than red pill but already carrying a stigma in the mainstream.

You need a psychiatrist or similar to help you sort out your feelings.

"Not talking" clearly is not working, you need to talk to your wife about what you're feeling.

A marriage counselor would be a good idea too.

It would probably be beneficial to go here http://marriedmansexlife.com/blog/ and check out his writing. There isn't a whole lot about infidelity, but plenty about having a good marriage. You definitely want to read his book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindful-Attraction-Plan-Practical/dp/149045151X/

Well, I'm interested in your hobbies. How do you develop yourself? How do you do on the list above? (Other advanced topics are vitamin supplements, breathing exercises, but those can wait. Breathing exercises when faced with anxiety has really helped me.)

The book I recommend is Althol Kay's Mindful Attraction Plan:

https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Attraction-Plan-Practical-Creating/dp/149045151X/

The book has two problems.

First, it assumes you are in a relationship with a misbehaving person. It is all about improving yourself and setting boundaries. Eventually, the boundary process works, and they respect the boundary, or they don't, and they are no longer a part of your life.

I would say that is ~15% of the book and you can skip all that. You are not doing this personal improvement for her, you are doing it for you.

There may be another book that covers the same ground without the relationshippy stuff - I don't know of one offhand.

Second, Kay is associated with the RedPillMarried crowd, which is associated with the RedPill, which has a lot of pickup and dating "fling" type stuff in it. Some people will find that offensive.

To be clear, I see RedPillMarried as a little different. They start with the hook of "become more attractive to get teh sex", but really, it's about self-improvement. You improve yourself, become more attractive, and you don't NEEEEEED teh sex to feel good about yourself. When you reach the point that you aren't needy, you are suddenly more attractive.

Human nature is weird that way, but I hope all of us are familiar with how unattractive desperation is to realize there is some truth in it.

That stuff saved my sanity. I'm still not getting teh sex, but I have other things going on in my life now, so I don't NEEEED it the way I did before.

So I would suggest you build a MAP. The MAP book will tell you one way to do it, but it assumes you are in a relationship with some sort of vampire - which can be weird. You just got OUT of a relationship with an emotional vampire tho, so I suspect some of the problems you are going through will be similar - low sense of self-worth, low confidence, depression, few hobbies and interests as you gave up yourself for the relationship toward the end, destructive hobbies you used to numb the pain, etc. I see those commonly here around anyone with an exBPD.

So check out my post, digest, and if not offended, ask me any questions I can answer. We're here for you! If the MAP thinking is not a fit, that's okay, you need to find your own way!

I'm an introvert too and didn't come out of my shell or have any girl contact until my 20s. I was timid and quiet and got friendzoned all the time. It gets better.

Desperation, negativity, and self-doubt are not attractive. Confidence, positivity, and self-respect are attractive. Work on yourself and the romance will start to appear.

Even years later, I still need reminders about those things. I've recently found this book helpful in feeling better about myself and feeling more attractive and confident https://www.amazon.com/Mindful-Attraction-Plan-Practical-Creating/dp/149045151X

Your problem is your username.

Seriously, "pansy" is appropriate. To create attraction you have to follow this fine line of being a loving, gentle, and attentive partner, while also being exciting. The word "arouse" literally means "excite"--to make her feel things.

Just from your description I can tell you're sort of a mousey push over of a guy. You don't want to try too hard to show her you want her because you're afraid she'll feel bad? Come on, man.

You're acting like a wet noodle. A wet noodle who cooks a fair bit, washes the clothes, and bathes the kids. I'm sure she thinks you're great and fine, but I promise you she's not sexually attracted to you because you're not exciting.

You can do something about it. Here's a good book I know about this very subject: http://www.amazon.com/The-Mindful-Attraction-Plan-Practical/dp/149045151X

Good luck!