Reddit reviews What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't?: Social Skills Help for Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder

Hi!

I am in a similar position -- diagnosed ADHD-PI, but I have some "autistic traits" that don't seem to be covered by that diagnosis.

I wanted to share some things that might provide context or additional information.

As a disclaimer: ^(by no means am I commenting on your specific situation or diagnosis. I don't know you; I'm not a doctor; I'm not) ^(your) ^(doctor; I can't diagnose you.)

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>I still struggle with things like eye contact, fidgeting, self esteem,inner monologue anxiety, and displaying emotion

ADHD shares many symptoms with ASD, which causes the diagnosis to be very difficult. Actually several of your points here are shared with both:

• Eye contact can be observed in some children with ADHD. Similarly, it's relatively common for people with ADHD to have social difficulties. I actually own (and haven't read) a book called What does everybody else know that I don't?
  
• When children with ADHD grow up, their hyperactivity (from ADHD) often settles down to become fidgets or mental hyperactivity. There is some overlap with autistic stims, but they tend to be less "stereotyped"
  
• Difficulty with emotion is referred to as "Alexithymia". It is common with ASD, but it's definitely not unique to it.
  
• Anxiety is a common comorbidity for both ASD and ADHD, as well as lots, lots more.

I understand completely and I'm in my 30s. I still feel like I miss some things even though I do my best to be aware of everyone around me. But like today, I felt really dumb at work. I'm not even sure if it's in my head, or I did something to make things awkward with a certain person. I broke down and bought this after having it in my cart for a while:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1886941343/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Not sure if that would help out you or anyone else here, but I thought I would give it a shot.

This book might help! Haven't bought it yet, but it was featured on ADDitude: https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1886941343/additudemagaz-20

I've heard 'What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't" by Dr. Novotni get recommended at least once on this sub, and saved it for later consideration/purchase. It is a social skills book specifically designed for adults with ADHD. Haven't read it yet, so I can't personally speak to it beyond to it being exactly about this topic, and liking the title.

I am sure there are also other social skills books that might not be specifically geared to ADHDers that would be good -- maybe even better?

I was scanning some papers I still had laying around, and that included some copies of chapters from two separate books that I remember thinking of as being potentially great resources. The first one is 'The Assertiveness Workbook' by Dr. Paterson -- which I suspect would be targeted more towards social anxiety, but might be helpful in that it would be explicit about how to assert yourself without being too submissive or too aggressive. Though, a potential drawback is that it might assume basic social skills -- though it might not, given that social anxiety would potentially cause one to doubt their understanding of social skills, thus making a review of social skills more defensible. The other was 'The Feeling Good Handbook' by Burns, a psychiatrist, specifically a chapter on "five secrets of intimate communication" -- I am not sure that would be worth buying the whole book or not, but the chapter looked good to me.

Note, I linked to Amazon on all books because it is a fairly standard, mainstream place for reviewing and purchasing books via the internet, and because it often includes previews of books -- it might be worth googling any one of these titles if any of them seem interesting enough. The lattermost one, for instance, is from the 1980s, so I am not sure what else you could find on it at little-to-no cost, and certainly local libraries may have one or more of these in stock as well. I was surprised to find my college library has some workbooks online for unlimited viewing (though limited copying/saving) through their website.

Hope this helps!

Yes, very much so. It is probably the worst part of ADHD.

Reason: Most communication is complex and most meaning is conveyed non-verbally. That means tone, body language, context, etc is important. All those details, and I'm too busy thinking about the trying to remember the words alone. Effectively, a person with ADHD isn't great with people early on and that builds on itself. Others will be pushed away, less social experience to practice right and wrong ways to interact, and still having the disorder that makes good listening just out of reach.

Great source, though a relatively old book: https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1494214727&sr=8-1&keywords=what+does+everyone+else+know+that+i+don%27t

Thanks just checked this out on amazon, and I'm going to order it.

I'll post the link here for it. If linking not allowed, Mods please remove it.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343