Best book about suicide according to redditors
We found 1,607 Reddit comments discussing the best book about suicide. We ranked the 205 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the top 20.
16. Seductive Poison: A Jonestown Survivor's Story of Life and Death in the Peoples Temple
8 mentions
Not always. Antidepressants usually mess with serotonin and dopamine levels within the brain. Unfortunately, the exact dose to get these in correct proportions varies in each patient. As such, a excess or deficiency of these chemicals caused by the incorrect dosage of the medication can have the opposite of the desired effect.
Lithium is a very effective treatment for manic-depressive disorder. However, lithium can also become fatal at elevated dosages, and to find the correct dosage for desired results requires regular monitoring of lithium levels by the prescribing doctor in the initial stages of treatment.
Source: Kay Redfield Jameson "An Unquiet Mind: Memoirs of Moods and Madness"
On Killing goes into quite a bit of detail on this.
Except for the one guy that doesn't fear death and correctly sights his shots. That guy turns the battle.
It's actually been a big part of military training since WWII to get soldiers to overcome their natural resistance to killing. Figures from modern conflicts show a much more dangerous soldier than in Germany, Korea, or Vietnam. This is worth a read if the subject matters interests you. I read it as a new release and remarked on reddit at the time that it had major implications for America's Police services as it was an popular career choice after the military (and is armed), but I got downvoted to oblivion.
"On Sheep, Wolves, and Sheepdogs" by Lt. Dave Grossman. This may be too much to state, but to me this paper represents the "ethos" of the professional soldier within the Western societies.
I also highly recommend his other book "On Killing". As a civilian, and one who has not witnessed the terror of war, this is a read that is a must. I made a note to stop after each chapter in order to think, imagine, and reflect on what was written.
My deepest respect to those who fight the dirty, awful (& sometimes quiet) wars for us.
*cleaned links
Read. The. Book. This article leaves a lot of things out, like the fact that once David's penis was lost, the parents sought out Dr. Money themselves. At the time, he was the most prominent sex psychologist in the country. He had a reputation, research $$, and lots of public exposure for his other work. Remember the year this happened. At that time, it was unthinkable for them to raise their child without his genitals, and not much was understood about the mappings of the brain. We didn't know that sex and gender are determined in the womb by the hormones were are exposed to. At that time, consulting this professional was, to David's parents, the best option. All they wanted to do was help him. Of course, it backfired, because this guy was a power-hungry psycho (among other things) and couldn't see the evidence that the transition was not working. The parents saw a bad change in David, but they blindly followed this man because he was a Doctor. A professional. They had no reason to suspect this wouldn't work because, well, they didn't know any better at the time. They placed their trust in this man, and he failed horribly.
The parents would drive across the country for these treatments, despite David, at one point, threatening to kill himself if they went back. They would bribe him with trips to Disney to get him to go. I know Dr. Money is made out to be the villain here, but a lot of blame needs to be moved to the parents for their ignorance and blind optimism, and for not accepting that the treatments weren't fucking working.
This is an exceptional case that needs more attention than the Wikipedia article gives it. Here is a link to the book. It provides so much more than this wimpy article.
Clearly you don't trust random people on the internet. here is a well sourced and respected book if you would like to know more. https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Thank you for trying to understand. I'm glad you got something out of it. More than anything I hope that more people begin to understand just how difficult it is to live with manic-depression or chronic depression. It is absolutely not something you just "get over". You're stuck with it for life.
A year or so ago I read a book called An Unquiet Mind. It is a memoir by a clinical psychologist named Kay Jameson who has struggled with bipolar disorder all of her life, and the memoir is one of the things that has helped me understand what my brother was going through. I highly recommend it.
For those of you who are interested, the three conditions of thwarted belongingness, perceived burdensomness and capacity for suicide are likely from Thomas Joiner's book Why People Die By Suicide. His argument is pretty convincing, though I'm left thinking that he undermined the role played by mental illness. I would also like to give a shameless plug to my extremely sparse subreddit /r/suicidology, which focuses on the problem of suicide from a scientific and sociocultural perspective.
Great book on this called "On Killing - the Psychological Costs of Learning to Kill in War and Society
On Killing - Amazon UK
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It explores killing in war through history and the effects, largely linked to proximity of the kill, had detrimental effects on the killer.
Some notable facts about the book that I can remember after reading it 10 years ago:
Knife/Bayonett kills, though exceptionally rare in more recent wars, had the most devastating effects. Soldiers cited as feeling a man's last breath had a big hurdle to climb.
American soldiers in WWII were exceptionally bad shots, especially when shooting Germans. Turns out most Americans didn't want to kill people, even during the heroic march to victory. All-time terrible percentage of shooting.
War attracts psychopaths and make up something like 5% of combatants who are out to kill and not the norm.
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If you are interested in this topic I highly recommend the book. Things I read have stayed with me and it never surprises me how much this topic comes up in conversation.
You should read "On Killing".
In a lot of ways, you kinda do need "propaganda", or things like it, to REALLY get someone to hate another person they've never met, to the point of wanting to kill them, especially on a battlefield. Most people in battles aren't filled with rage, they're filled with a a shitload of fear butting up against lot of training designed to try and counteract it.
There've been studies and books written by people on the subject. The military as a whole puts a pretty big emphasis on being able to actually kill your enemy when it comes down to it.
Texts and Reference Books
Days in the Lives of Social Workers
DSM-5
Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide
Racial and Ethnic Groups
Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording
Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond
[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]
(https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=3ZW7PRW5TK2PB0MDR9R3)
Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model
[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0534578438/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_38?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ARCO1HGQTQFT8)
Helping Abused and Traumatized Children
Essential Research Methods for Social Work
Navigating Human Service Organizations
Privilege: A Reader
Play Therapy with Children in Crisis
The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives
The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner
Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood
Deviant Behavior
Social Work with Older Adults
The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services
[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415884810/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1)
Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy
Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change
Ethnicity and Family Therapy
Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach
Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents
DBT Skills Manual
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets
Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need
Novels
[A People’s History of the United States]
(https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-United-States/dp/0062397346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511070674&sr=1-1&keywords=howard+zinn&dpID=51pps1C9%252BGL&preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&dpSrc=srch)
The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Tuesdays with Morrie
The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university
The Quiet Room
Girl, Interrupted
I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
Flowers for Algernon
Of Mice and Men
A Child Called It
Go Ask Alice
Under the Udala Trees
Prozac Nation
It's Kind of a Funny Story
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
The Yellow Wallpaper
The Bell Jar
The Outsiders
To Kill a Mockingbird
As someone who has been into HST for 20+ years, there was nothing unresolved or mysterious about any of this. In Gonzo the people closest to him talk about how afterwards thinking back they could see how he was actually saying goodbye. Even his son said he never had any doubt this is the way Hunter would go. It's really a good book if you're at all into HST.
Have you ever read as nature made him?
It's the story of a young boy who was raised as a girl because his genitalia was lost within the first couple of months and they replaced it with female genitalia. He never knew that he was really a boy, but he felt it.
Wikipedia article
Actually, I think you've got it a bit mixed up. Soldiers in Korea and WW2 statistically were pretty likely to fire over the enemies' head. The military remedied this by making rifle training in later wars training in firing your weapon as a quick reflex rather than solely an exercise in accuracy and discernment.
At least that's how it was explained to me by a professor, who cited Dave Grossman's 'On Killing', which I haven't read yet. However, the description seems to agree:
Drawing on interviews, published personal accounts and academic studies, Grossman investigates the psychology of killing in combat. Stressing that human beings have a powerful, innate resistance to the taking of life, he examines the techniques developed by the military to overcome that aversion. His provocative study focuses in particular on the Vietnam war, revealing how the American soldier was "enabled to kill to a far greater degree than any other soldier in history." Grossman argues that the breakdown of American society, combined with the pervasive violence in the media and interactive video games, is conditioning our children to kill in a manner similar to the army's conditioning of soldiers: "We are reaching that stage of desensitization at which the infliction of pain and suffering has become a source of entertainment: vicarious pleasure rather than revulsion. We are learning to kill, and we are learning to like it." Grossman, a professor of military science at Arkansas State University, has written a study of relevance to a society of escalating violence.
That section on Video games makes my stomach turn, but I can't judge til I've read it.
>My paper has nothing to do with section 8 or chapter 8.
That's good. Please don't try to claim to know about either.
>PTSD is heavily linked to batshit crazy. But I do know the difference.
No. No. It's not. PTSD is the human psyche's response to an unnatural situation. It's a coping mechanism. It is 180* from batshit crazy. Please - if you are going to write this paper? Get some good sources... On Killing is a good place to start and then you can google your local county's vet rep (usually unemployment offices in the county will have one) and then? Get you head out of you ass.
>No, I have not "served", but I have enlisted. So officially, I am in the military. Or air force, if you will.
OMG. PLEASE go tell someone serving that you made it through MEPS so you're in the military. Please tell someone from another branch - or shit - go talk to another recruiter from another branch - and tell them you're "in the military" because you processed for the Air Force.
You do know that untill you're at basic that there isn't anything anyone can do to you, right? You may be a DEP but that is just a piece of paper and a promise to your recruiter. No one is going to show up if you don't go into your little admin job for the Air Force in a couple of months.... but - good on ya! I'm so proud that some little college kid thinks he's special because he signed a piece of paper and now he's "in the military." LOL
>My paper will have nothing to do with my experience.
That's good. Because you don't have any but apparently you think that anyone with PTSD is batshit crazy? Hmmm... are you a little biased? Wow. You will have some fun with your Top 3.
>Its solely based on my research and veterans testimony's.
"veteran testimony" is what you meant to type. You need to read some real world resources and not think PTSD is a mental disease. It's a normal response to an abnormal situation. Until you understand that? I can't help you
Thanks for thinking you're in the military and you can "speak for us".... SMH....
It's really just training overall. I have never shot an enemy at close range, but I did listen to one of my friends describe it. We had been doing glass houses over and over and over and over. He went in a room with a team, shot a guy in the face, the team leader called the room clear, and they made it through the rest of the building before he said it really hit him that he had just shot someone else at point blank. Everything else was primal instinct combined with muscle memory.
Fascinating read on this topic.
EDIT: glass houses are a way to train clearing buildings room by room.
I mean, yes because no one here can predict the future or how you'll turn out. Dr. Kay Jamison wrote a best selling book, An Unquiet Mind, about being a clinical psychologist with Bipolar I Disorder, so obviously it can be done. However, your mental health and experience is different from hers and I'd recommend stabilizing the condition first, especially given the treatment resistance and its effect on your previous graduate studies. Are you engaged in CBT, ACT, or some other evidence-based practice for depression? It sounds like your doc is a psychiatrist or prescriber primarily. While a mood stabilizer is the first line treatment to stabilize mania, a Bipolar I depressive episode usually requires talk therapy as the primary treatment due to the risk of many SSRIs inducing a manic episode.
Edit: she's a clinical psychologist, not psychiatrist. My bad.
Yes, from that shitty post which gets a laugh at the expense of gender-sex variant individuals, I am assuming that he has not imagined it. If he had actually imagined what it would be like, for example, to have been "Born a male. Bad circumcision. Raised female" then he might understand how painful it is to be lumped in with a "household pet that walked across the keyboard."
In that particular case of a botched circumcision, one doesn't need to imagine since there is a detailed biography of such a person. "As Nature Made Him" is the tragic story of David Reimer, and how he was driven to insanity and suicide by the doctor who tried to raise him as female after a botched circumcision. While it might be funny for a "simple gay man," this kind of social humiliation drives some people to their deaths.
Seeing it happen here, where people should know better, is especially sad.
Can you talk to a therapist?
Also, look into Feeling Good by David Burns. It woke me up to my destructive thoughts and taught me how to redirect my negative thoughts.
Here's a link: http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762/ref=tmm_pap_title_0
The reality is that most humans do not want to seriously harm other humans. If you learn to throw an effective punch it absolutely could result in a serious or fatal injury. And when it comes to harming and killing a person, the physical distance from the target is a huge factor. Killing someone in hand to hand combat or from a very close distance is sometimes referred to as "sexual range" and is the most traumatic to the person doing the killing. Thus the reason PTSD is less frequent in soldiers that were snipers or that participated in carpet bombing.
Edit: This book is a good place to learn more about this topic.
John Money was a piss poor scientist, he swept his findings so far under the rug that he literally ignored the fact that the application of his theories literally caused suicides (such as the one detailed in the non-fiction novel "As Nature Made Him" so we don't generally take him seriously anymore...
>This was a turning point for me, because I realized how ridiculous it was. From that point on, I started to watch for triggers, and I started to feel for the begging stages of the attacks. If something triggered an attack, I would immediately start thinking, sometimes talking outloud to myself about how I knew a panic attack was starting. As the adrenaline would kick in, I would say things like "ok, here we go...stay calm, stay calm, it's just your mind messing with you, everything will be ok, breathe...breath."
IANAP, but it sounds like you stumbled upon - by yourself - one of the core assumptions of Cognitive Behavior theory.
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1255801146&amp;sr=8-1
If I recall correctly, one of the ideas in Dr. Burns' book on the subject - is to log the troubling thoughts ... and then analyze them through a number of cognitive "filters" we all tend to apply. For example, when depression is at its strongest ... people start to convince them that the rest of their lives will be that way. But, it's a ridiculous assumption - because often our lives (up until the depression) were not bad... so why would we automatically assume that every day for the rest of our lives will be bad? It makes no logical sense. Cognitive Behavior therapy teaches you to catch the tricks your mind plays on itself in this way, and start to defuse them. Eventually, you train your brain to immediately defuse them almost as soon as they occur.
Sounds like you were sort of doing that, but via verbalizing it instead. Whatever works. Glad you've recovered...
It's one of the most common methods used by terminally ill people.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suicide_bag
There are books about doing it.
https://www.amazon.ca/Final-Exit-Third-Practicalities-Self-Deliverance/dp/0385336535
Yes.
Here are my 5 best ways to beat anxiety and depression.
1.) Get this book. It's a classic self-help book that's scientifically proven to beat depression. It's the #1 self-help book recommended by doctors in the United States. You can get it for free at your local library
https://smile.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=feeling+good&amp;qid=1557361193&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-3
2.) Meditate. Download the free "Insight Timer" meditation app or do YouTube ocean sounds while wearing headphones. It rewires your brain after 6 weeks.
3.) Live in the present moment. When your mind wanders on anxious thoughts, bring it back to the present moment. Over and over again.
4.) Pray and practice a religion. This will benefit you greatly. Start going to religious services.
5.) Exercise 5 days a week. Try to exercise for at least 30 minutes at a time. Something where you build up a sweat.
Good luck and keep in touch.
This (debatably) goes against your request for someone who did not live as a transsexual, but there's the book As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Girl.
This is a true story about how a boy named David, after receiving a botched circumcision, was raised as a girl at the recommendation of a quack doctor. The doctor was convinced that gender identity was purely a product of upbringing and wanted to use David (named Brenda when he was being raised as a girl) as a long-term experiment to prove this. However, David was born a cisgendered male, and was absolutely miserable being forced to live life as a girl.
It's a fantastic look into gender identity and his story serves as pretty compelling evidence that a person is definitely born with their identity; no amount of social pressure, surgery, or upbringing can change whether someone self-identifies as male, female, or what have you.
The nature vs nurture debate has gone on long enough, but in such instances nature wins out. For example, David Reimer was born a boy. His penis was burned off during a botched circumcision, and a doctor convinced his parents that if they raised him as a girl, he would believe he was a girl and all would be well. So they did.
However, his whole life he knew something was "off" and wrong about him. He didn't want to wear dresses, and he liked girls. He had no idea he was born a boy but knew something was wrong despite countless hormone treatments.
In the end, he found out the truth and immediately went back to being a boy. He committed suicide a few years ago, though, due to all the trauma. "As Nature Made Him" is a book documenting this whole ordeal and really talks a lot about nature vs nurture. In the end, nature won out.
sources
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer
http://www.amazon.com/As-Nature-Made-Him-Raised/dp/0061120561/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1324282353&amp;sr=1-1
As for transgender people, they believe it happens in the womb. The body develops as a girl but something goes wrong and the hormones for a boy end up getting released. There is a lot that is still unclear, but it does not seem to be a psychological reason; it all happens before the person is born.
^ Gizewski, E. R., Krause, E., Schlamann, M., Happich, F., Ladd, M. E., Forsting, M., & Senf, W. (2009). Specific cerebral activation due to visual erotic stimuli in male-to-female transsexuals compared with male and female controls: An fMRI study. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 6, 440–448.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1836041/posts
In any case, since it is not very prevalent in contrast to the number of people born with the same sex and gender, it feels unnatural and one cannot be blamed for being slightly off put so long as they don't discriminate or treat them badly. You're entitled to have your opinions so long as you're tolerant.
Lesbian/Queer main characters:
Batwoman - She's a lesbian and her romantic relationships play a fairly important role in the series. Her villains are a bit B-list but they're enjoyable reads never the less. Some controversy over DC's decision to prohibit her "happiness" and troubles with the talented creative staff that are worth investigating beforehand but it's worth noting that these issues do not effect the trade paperbacks 1-3. Don't make my mistake and accidentally buy Batgirl comics and wonder when she's supposed to start kissing ladies.
Lumberjanes - The trade paperback is supposed to come out some time next year but individual issues are currently being published. All ages comic that portrays a scout type group at a summer camp full of monsters. I'm not personally reading it but I've heard nothing but good things.
Funhome - A proper "graphic novel." An unbelievably intelligent and nuanced perspective on gender and sexuality. Bechdel compares her coming out process against her late father's closeted homosexuality to draw an intimate but calculated portrait of American sexuality and family.
Lesbian/Queer minor characters:
Saga - Holy shit, I can't recommend this enough. So utterly fantastic that words fail me. I buy this for everyone I know who's even faintly interested in comics.
The Walking Dead - The queer characters don't show up for a long while but this is the series the very popular TV show is based on. It's a little "Drama-y" for me but my girlfriend's dad gobbles them up like there's no tomorrow.
Not queer but awesome:
Chew - A world where poultry is outlawed and people have superpowers only related to food. My mom called it "kind of weird" which it is. I can't get enough.
Revival - The dead come to life but they're mostly just cranky, okay, sometimes murderous, but not that often. Strong female protagonists.
I highly suggest reading On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by Dave Grossman. It gives excellent insight into how the military desensitizes people to killing and the effects it has had on soldiers, past and present.
> She says she is now going into a new form of
> treatment and that he is very important to her
> healing process.
That is a manipulative statement. From what I've read in your previous post, your boyfriend is not good at keeping healthy boundaries and she is very good an being manipulative. Manipulative people can't get better if they get rewarded for being manipulative. The only way to not reward manipulative behavior is by keeping good boundaries. It can take years to learn how to keep boundaries with someone who is mentally ill. I know this from personal experience.
If you decide to stay with your boyfriend and he decides to maintain his relationship with her, then you need to learn to keep boundaries to keep yourself safe and sane.
Here are some resources you or your boyfriend might find useful:
CoDa
BPDFamily
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
Two of the links above are resources for people living with someone with borderline personality disorder (BPD). I do not know whether you boyfriend's girlfriend qualifies for a diagnosis of BPD along with bipolar disorder (BD). However, I think those resources will still be helpful. Manipulative behavior and out of control emotions are traits of BPD. Also, BPD and BD are frequently comorbid.
Barefoot Gen is written by a survivor of the atomic bomb on Hiroshima. It's very moving and raw and personally I think it's better than Maus or Blankets. It should be required reading in all schools.
Persepolis is another amazing read. It's written by someone who grew up in Iran and witnessed and ran away from the revolution in the late 70's. It shows that the people in Iran and that part of the world are just like us, though because of America's (and other foreign powers) intervention, has become really conservative and hostile. I think this is another book that should be required reading in schools.
Fun Home is another personal tale about a woman's recollections of growing up and about her father.
Adrian Tomine's Shortcomings Adrian often writes very personal stories that are heart felt and touching.
American Born Chinese Gene Yang writes about growing up as an Asian American.
Epileptic French, David B writes about his Epileptic brother.
Have you consider the possibility that your time might be better served by checking out a book from the library instead of pastoring and insulting strangers?
Assuming you're not totally full of shit when you claim to be "intrigued," here's a book recommendation: "Why people die by suicide.". I know, it's a book, not something exciting like a VROOM VROOM MOTORCYCLE, but you asked.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0674025490/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_p2u.zbFQ1ZNT5
In short, you're not asking us to answer your question, you're asking us to teach you an entire subfield of psychiatry (suicidology). The answer is no. Shut up, leave us alone and go read.
P.S. calling us cowards doesn't do anything. We get it, you're very brave and we are not. Good for you, here is a 🏅. Hooray.
On a side note, the guy spear heading this field of study is psychologist and former military officer David Grossman. I'd recommend reading his book On Killing to get a glimpse into military mentality and how people are conditioned by states to be killers, and what affect it has on them later.
In a nutshell, Grossman states that only around 2% of the population are natural killers. The rest hold a strong aversion to violence, even when their safety is threatened. It's almost as if we'd rather live in peace than kill each other. Weird!
Anyway, the way you condition an "ordinary" person to be a killer is to condition them to respect authority, have authority figures closely supervise the individual, have a group culture where peers expect the individual to kill, and finally you must train the individual to kill in a realistic setting. In the Army we were made to attack rubber, human shaped dummies with bayonets, as well to shoot at human shaped pop-up targets on the firing range. Grossman theorized that using human-like targets increased the soldiers' firing rate (their willingness to shoot at the enemy) from 20% in WWII to 90% in US involvement in Vietnam.
Of course, Grossman could use this information to rail against war and militarism. Unfortunately, like many military peeps, he's selling out to the cops for an easy buck. Fucker.
'On Killing' by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman I found to be an extremely enlightening look at the effects of combat. Although the historical aspects are primarily from the Civil War forward(especially Vietnam), he does reference earlier combat. Touches on purification ceremonies(parades), the heroes journey, the travel there and back, and a number of other issues dealing with how societies have dealt with these effects. 5 stars. (I'm not a professional historian)
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
First off: gender is a continuum, not a dimorphism. It's very important to remember that, or you may and up vacillating wildly between two extremes unwilling to find a comfortable expression somewhere in the middle.
Beyond that though, I don't think anyone can tell you where you fall on the spectrum. Almost everyone's experiences, and ways of coping, differ.
My best advice is to really open your mind to the options you have to express and embody your own personal gender, and then read a lot. Read blogs, watch videos, get some good books (I recommend Hello Cruel World or Gender Outlaw, Whipping Girl (a big heavy, but hey, you're on reddit!), and most importantly force yourself to think about it. Really think about it, without shame or fear, and see what feels right.
Find people who you can talk to, in real life or online, about it. The experience of having to explain your feelings to someone who doesn't share them is a really effective way to figure it out for yourself. A therapist would obviously be great for this of course, but if you're not in a position to find one a close and non-judgmental friend is great too.
Also, consider writing a diary, journal, blog or letter to share how you feel with a theoretical friend/confidant. Again, the process is much more important than the result.
Experiment! Try presenting as female, in big ways or small. Try imagining how everyday life would feel different as a girl. Is it "more normal" or exciting and transgressive?
It's not an easy thing to figure out, and there really don't seem to be any shortcuts. But the comfort of understanding yourself is well worth it.
You are in some bad mental ruts and you probably aren't going to break out of them by yourself.
I always hate to say this but you likely need therapy - cognitive behavioral therapy, which is not the goofy therapy some people think of.
Alternatively I've heard this book is good for this mode of thinking: https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762/
I mean, maybe you could get in shape and wear makeup a bit, but you have to know that you're in the mode of thinking an anorexic or a depressive person is in - totally broken away from reality and stuck in a funk of negativity.
Not sure why you think your husband has a fetish but this could potentially be your own self-doubt and self-loathing spilling over into a disgust at your husband for liking you.
After I was diagnosed, An Unquiet Mind helped me tremendously in giving me perspective. Being able to intimately read other people's experiences helped ground me for a while. Wholly recommended. :-)
Get him a copy of I Don’t Want To Talk About It if he’s ready for that level of involvement. If he isnt interested in healing from that cultural mindset, then there’s not much you can do for him besides be there for him and try to consistently strike up emotionally sincere conversations that validate him and make him feel supported. You can’t really force anyone to heal if they don’t want to, but you can be there for them, while also maintaining healthy boundaries for yourself so that you don’t get caught up in his emotional ‘stuff’ too.
There's a book by a BPD sufferer who found some help from Buddhism.
When I was a teenager I read this book and it actually did advocate self-harm instead of suicide. Iirc the argument was that if it made you feel better, then it was better than killing yourself. The same argument was applied to alcohol and drugs.
Organizations like Blackwater don't hire run-of-the-mill soldiers. They often hire out of special forces organizations and the like.
For one: Special forces groups tend to train their soldiers a bit better, and they educate them on the stresses and psychological effects that combat will have on them. This makes them more able to cope with the difficulties brought on by the High-tempo work they do.
Similar training will be found in any high-tempo/specialized combat trades (including law enforcement). The book On Combat covers such ideas.
Unfortunately, this kind of training is not as widespread as it should be, so people who aren't experienced and trained go oversees, kill somebody, and hey are not adequately prepared to deal with what that means.
Edit: Books
On Combat
And more specifically for handling Killing a man:
On Killing
I'll make a recommendation I make a few times a year here on Reddit an suggest reading On Killing by Lt. Col. David Grossman:
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Dave Grossman goes over a human's natural disinclination to kill in fine detail, using historical war records of proof. Then, he analyzes how modern war training (Vietnam and beyond) is built around overcoming these natural aversions, and of course how bloodlust can take control where training does not (as it does here). A lot of interesting bits on how physical or mechanical distance lessons phychological reactions to the act and how soldiers make justifications in the moment.
His answer to the "what's next" question is total and unconditional support of soldiers that return home that have not been perpetrators of atrocities. They need to know that what they did was necessary, that they did it for their country, that we are proud of what they've done and appreciate it. The exposure of civilians to the horrors of war by the media in Vietnam, and the public's reaction to the soldier's returning, is cted as a primary reason for the mental illness wave that affects the veterans of that war disproportionately.
You may not support going to war - the justifications or methods - but you must always support the men and women sent to kill and die by our government as they are serving their country in the best way they know how, and it is important to validate that sacrifice.
not sure which documentary he is talking about but i read On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society and HIGHLY recommend it.
Cars
Photography
Comic Books 1, 2
Apple
LEGO's
American Football
PostSecret
Video Games
Vinyl
Warhol
Outdoors
Star Wars
Motorcycles
The Dark Knight
Paris
Interior Design
World Atlas
Banksy
Wes Anderson
Tribal Cultures
Playboy
Girls
Libraries
The Cosmos
The Beetles
Travel
Preppy
Steve McQueen
The Moon
Both?
Art imitates life, which imitates art, in a loop that constantly feeds each other information about what's societally acceptable. I absolutely do not mean anything dramatic like "video games cause violence". But there is a very common argument defending violence or sexism in video games: it sells. The intention of the argument is to suggest that profit-seeking is an amoral motivation. But all that seems to do is point out evidence for the opposite stance, which is that violence and sexism are popular. People like to see it, enough people to make it a viable business strategy. So by taking that "amoral" stance, media producers choose to feed that popularity instead of commenting on it or just feeding a different part of our cultural values.
But recognizing that pattern does not mean assigning blame. Sexism is an accidental, literally ignorant action much more often than it is evil mustache-twisting. But in trying to combat the pattern of sexism going around, there are two different entry points here; the art, or the consumers. So some people put their efforts into directly educating people, while others (like Sarkeesian) critique the art.
I agree that discussing Sarkeesian herself and her strategies would need it's own post, but I hope this helps with your main question, at least. If it's something you're interested in reading more about, "On Killing" by Dave Grossman, was a really influential book for me when I began reading about this subject. Most of the book addresses other issues, but his section on desensitization through media consumption was eye-opening for me.
First of all, I don't think you did anything wrong. If the worst thing that happens to you is an invigorating drive in the cool night air - well, that ain't so bad, is it?
In a perfect world, you'd have single-handedly apprehended the thief, fucked his sister, and rode off into the sunset with the theme from The Magnificent 7 playing at full volume. And in a perfect world I'd own a yacht and a nationwide chain of liquor stores, too.
I recommend you take a look at Cooper's Color Code, and maybe pick up a copy of On Killing. There are several different variations of Cooper's work out there, and some folks have tweaked it (for better and worse).
The reason I'm pointing this out to you is that I think you went from Condition White straight to Condition Black.
I want you to know that this shit happens. I am a combat vet and a ghetto paramedic - used to stress and interpersonal conflict, and I'm fully aware that it could happen to me - especially in the situation you described. Nobody is ready to "throw down" anywhere, anytime unless you're patrolling in a war zone. I could sit here and fantasize/pontificate about hasty-ambushing that thief until I'm blue in the fingers, but in reality....in reality being jerked into a conflict after sitting in a safe, familiar place immersed for hours in the fumes of Microsoft Excel (or whatever)...I'd be surprised if I didn't freeze up a bit myself. I can tell you for sure it wouldn't go down as perfectly as I'd want it to. This ain't Hollywood, and I ain't Jason Bourne.
Now, what you can do is learn about this phenomenon and how it affects you, thereby mitigating it's negative effects in the future.
The other thing to recognize here is the mere fact that you experienced this means you'll have more agency over yourself next time. It won't seem so shocking, so alien. You'll process it faster, and decide what to do more quickly.
And please don't kill anyone over a broken car window.
An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison
The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide by Stephen Miklowitz PhD.
DBT Therapy for Bipolar Disorder
These are my three go-to recommendations. An Unquiet Mind is written from the perspective of someone with BP1 with psychotic features, who is also a professional psychologist and has studied BD for a very long time.
The BD Survival Guide was the first book I read on the subject after my diagnosis. It grounded me, it informed me about the disease and all the ways it can manifest, gave me an idea about the buildup and duration of episodes, as well as providing several enlightening vignettes throughout the text to illustrate points and concepts. 10/10, I consider this mandatory reading for the newly diagnosed or underinformed.
The DBT therapy workbook--truth be told I haven't done much work with it yet, but DBT is regularly touted as one of the most effective treatments for bipolar. So I thought I'd include that.
Best of luck!
Fun Home by Alison Bechdel
Safe Area Gorazde By Joe Sacco
The Photographer by Emmanuel Guibert
Blankets by Craig Thompson
Not non-fiction but
Jimmy Corrigan: The Smartest Kid on Earth by Chris Ware is about as non-pop, non-pulp as it gets.
Oh, yeah, I read that book for my humanities class in college last year.
As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl.
I still think transgenderism is real though, but what do I know, I'm not a behavioral psychologist or a sexologist.
Not doing summaries/reviews, cause it's late and I'm tired. On request, I suppose. Mostly books, with a couple docs and a few blogs.
Less theory, more personal experiences:
Actually Theory:
And a couple links I make it a point to share whenever I can:
Not just Arabs: you have to be trained to kill. To minimize the psychological hesitation in the moment. To put rounds on target (on people) instead of just in the vague direction of people. Turns out humans just don't like to kill other humans (or at least at scale).
Some books a Marine recommended to me once: On Killing and Training for the Fight. There are criticisms of both books but it is a continuing field of study.
On the one hand I notice this trait in myself in watching violent movies and reading military history. Right now I'm reading The Kindly Ones by Johnathan Littell. It's a historical memoir written from the perspective of an officer in the Einsatzgruppen on the Eastern Front as Nazi Germany advances towards Moscow and later his experiences in the concentration camps. Even when I was in middle school I remember my parents would ask me why can't I read about good things. I have no interest in reading about good people unless they are destroying evil people. When I was 14, I rode my bike to the library to read the book On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society in secret. It was an enlightening survey on the true cost of taking a human life. The book as a whole really struck a cord in me when it broke people down into categories of sheep, sheep dogs, and wolves here's the article.
But I also think people have a tendency for voyeurism. The film Nigh Crawler comes to mind. People are seeking a hit of dopamine on the late night news from garden variety brutality and macabre. The Amanda Knox trial or the German pilot who just crashed the jetliner into the Alps. Shit, they're probably about to talk about a murder in the inner city right now.
Hey, I am so sorry for your loss. A great book on the subject of suicide is Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide, by Kay Redfield Jamison. It helped me a lot when I lost someone close to me this way.
Wishing you peace.
I attended DBT through my mental health care provider. However, there are lots of online resources for DBT.
General overview of DBT, as presented by mind.
http://imgur.com/gallery/Zs92ICm
https://drive.google.com/folderview?id=0BxbhXNkT67stRnFiUXhNYW1iRVE (this link has lots of mental health resources, but to get specifically to DBT, look in the folder marked "Treatment, Therapy, and Medication.")
https://www.pdfdrive.com/the-dialectical-behavior-therapy-skills-workbook-e19134904.html (the link to purchase this book is below)
https://behavioraltech.org/resources/resources-for-clients-families/
www.mind.org.uk
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/
http://www.middle-path.org/
There's also YouTube videos (this playlist is good: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLb51Q732nMqeTJp05TQsE3YkCCY6p6_FS) (or search for DBT skills and/or Marsha Linehan).
On Pinterest at: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.pinterest.com/amp/pin/231583605811059286/
You can also order the books online.
This is the book linked earlier in the thread.
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, and ... (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0041D8UWM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_1dd4CbN7T7HD3
This is the manual/workbook that I have. DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00SVCMRCI/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_sed4CbJ4D3F5Q
This is the clinical training manual my DBt therapists use. DBT® Skills Training Manual, Second Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/1462516998/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_Yed4Cb430ZATG
There are also Facebook peer support pages and groups.
https://m.facebook.com/ilovedbt/
https://m.facebook.com/groups/dbtskills/?ref=group_header&amp;view=group
If you're wanting to go at it alone, finding someone who has already been through it to guide and with you might be a lot more helpful. I am available anytime to answer questions and help someone start. I've been through the DBT "cycle" almost 3 times now, because the facility I attend does not currently offer "maintenance level" support. I also enjoy the feeling of support and camaraderie.
In the beginning, DBT can seem stupid, confusing, redundant, or even silly. Stick with it. Do your homework if you're in a group. Do a diary card daily, even in the beginning, even if you don't get it. If you're not in a group but have a peer counselor, ask for homework!
Hope this helps!
Edit: thank you for the platinum! What an honor.
I'm sorry I don't have that book so I can't reference that specific exercise.
I have scanned 3 pages of Marsha Linehan's "Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder" that explains for the Clinician what the goal of Mindfulness is and how to teach it.
It hopefully will answer your questions regarding the goals of mindfulness as all exercises focus on WHAT and HOW skills.
If you want to have a deeper understanding of the 'why's' behind DBT skills, purchasing the skills training book might give you more clarity.
:)
A great book is:
The Buddha and the Borderline: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder through Dialectical Behavior Therapy, Buddhism, and Online Dating https://www.amazon.ca/dp/157224710X/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_T6a.wbP07B1Q4
Don't know if anyone is into Buddhism or not but the basic mindfulness skills are helpful. Both my psychiatrist and I own the book, and he's Jewish so you don't have to believe in Buddhism to like the book. It's mostly something nice to relate to and find hope. It's kinda triggering though so be weary!! But that's because it's relatable!
https://www.amazon.com/Someone-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Control/dp/1593856075
Gave this to my fiance three years ago at the beginning of our relationship. He's my biggest support and my rock. He helps me advocate for myself, self-care, everything. This book helped him become all those things. Highly recommended.
Get Megan's book and read it. It will give you some comfort and understanding how to survive.
https://www.amazon.com/Its-That-Youre-Not-Understand/dp/1622039076
I appreciate that you’ve brought this up.
A dear friend of mine is (not) coping with very serious health issues and the loss of her beloved father concurrently. Her pain, from this combination of sources, is quite simply more than she can tolerate. She’s extraordinary strong. She’s psychologically nimble. Her emotional intelligence quotient is unusually high. Still, her physical and emotional pain is life-limiting now, and may well become life-threatening. It’s a challenge to be with her and not look away from her pain, particularly because there is so little that any of us who love her can do to ameliorate it. But holding her hand, sitting quietly in her presence, and offering company without offering false cheer is what she wants, when she has the energy to be around other people.
Recently, she found a book that’s brought her some peace of mind: It’s Okay That You’re Not Okay. The subtitle of the book, Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand, echoes your observation that society models “toxic positivity,” and the SGI certainly enforces this behavioral norm quite ruthlessly among the members. There are so many stories embedded in these threads - some of them my own - about members being brusquely sidelined for displaying inappropriate emotions at meeting. By inappropriate, I mean sharing one’s troubles or disappointments or worries, when meetings are meant solely for recruiting, and therefore must be kept lighthearted and full of winning and appreciative experiences.
Also, If you can't afford a specialist you might check into a few self help therapy books. One that helped me tremendously, your mileage may vary, is Feeling Good by David Burns. (You can find it in .pdf form here if you can't get it in physical form.)
Of course I'm not a specialist and don't know OPs situation. They could benefit more from ACT or some other form of therapy than CBT.
I just assumed this as soon as he said it:
https://www.amazon.com/Final-Exit-Practicalities-Self-Deliverance-Assisted/dp/0385336535
If you're really interested, and you haven't read it already, I would recommend reading Seductive Poison. Deborah Layton gives her account of People's Temple.
Whenever I hear about folks who take medication to maintain stability I always think of diabetics. Here is a group of people who are using modern science in order to continue to function. Without it they often die, and if not dead they typically suffer from a host of other issues related to fluctuations of blood sugar. ADD and the medications associated with it seem no different to me. There is some kind of imbalance that a person has (people are not ADD, people are people with ADD) like not producing insulin, or sweat, or some other chemical in the brain. Modern medicine allows people to function. The same way a prosthetic lets someone walk. You are you on medication, because the medication helps you maintain the way the body typically functions. This book is kind of fantastic for thinking about how medication effects mood. Here!
Here you go! You recommended everything I was going to recommend so I thought I'd make your links easier to click.
>All of these are useful:
>
>An Unquiet Mind
>
>Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide
>
>The Bipolar Workbook: Controlling Swings
>
>The Mindful Way Through Depression
>
>The last book describes a self-guided therapy that I used to lift myself out of a mixed mood a few years ago. I was willing to do anything to get better and that included doing things that I had little to no faith in but I still had to try. It worked despite my skepticism. I believe in it now.
>
>and then there is the bible of the illness and its treatment. It's massive and very technical (written for medical professionals) but you might find parts of it useful.
>
>Manic Depressive Illness: Bipolar Disorders and Recurrent Depression
>
Thoreau: 'the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation'.
Anyway, I think your problem is that you need the world to be a specific way before you allow yourself to be happy. That is, if your expectations of how the world should be aren't how things are, you feel unhappy, disatisfied. Now, how likely is it that the world is going to conform to your expectations? Even the rich and powerful can't control all the events in their life. What does that mean? It means that you (and they) will likely be unhappy much of the time.
This lady, [Byron Katie] (http://www.thework.com/), addresses that. Her main idea is that the only way you are going to be happy in life is if you love what occurs in your life. She even has a book about it, [loving what is] (http://www.amazon.com/Loving-What-Four-Questions-Change/dp/1400045371/ref=sr_1_1/179-8180109-1575332?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1414516651&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=loving+what+is+byron+katie).
Basically, what you are experiencing is one of the consequences of being self-aware; an aspect of the meaning of life question. Katie's answer is only one of the many that people have come up with over our existence. Lots of territory for you to explore. Think of it this way; our happiness is too important to be left to chance.
EDIT: add links
In order:
Get this book, and give it a good read.
The synopsis is that a young boy was, due to circumstances, secretly raised as a girl. For 13 years everyone lied to his face to convince him he was a girl and that he must accept being a girl. He was extremely unhappy and became suicidal. He reverted back to the gender that he always, always always knew deep down he was, and became much happier as a result.
This is not something that you did or have any control over.
I would suggest being honest. Tell your son that you are having a hard time and about your "pre-exisitng condition". Offer to go to therapy. The problem is yours and not at all your child's.
Look, everyone has preferences on gender of their children. But when that preference gets in the way of life (eg, your inability to have biological children out of this fear, and your inability to continue to love your son),/you need therapy. That's what a mental illness is, something that gets in the way of normal life.
On killing. By Lt. Col. Dave Grossman. http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0316040932
I think the censorship news is a bit of a media beatup TBH. That said, I think the whole censorship system in Australia needs an overhaul. My attitudes to censorship have changed significantly vis-a-vis first person shooters since I finished reading Dave Grossman's On Killing.
Edited because I am retarded. Then I had to edit again because I can't spell edited without checking.
He has a few books. In particular:
Propagating the myth that killing is easy even for trained and well-regimented soldiers.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
You need to read http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
"The good news is that most soldiers are loath to kill. But armies have developed sophisticated ways of overcoming this instinctive aversion. And contemporary civilian society, particularly the media, replicates the army's conditioning techniques, and, according to Lt. Col. Dave Grossman's thesis, is responsible for our rising rate of murder among the young."
This book gives you some perspective about the science behind making people to kill and that way "part of the group" - and why it is thought to be necessary. I would not be surprised if same kind of "science" would be part of intelligence "training". Which is quite scary thought.
There's a lot of material about that kind of behaviour in On Killing
Several years ago at our introductory fall faculty meeting (where we also introduce brand new faculty to everyone), our head of counseling services addressed the faculty body with the following remarks:
"I cant tell you the medications these students are on but it's scary."
"The next Virginia Tech shooter is on our campus right now."
Were I prone to believe his hysteria, I would carry on campus whether legal or not. However, he struck me as not terribly competent (and maybe sampling some of the students' meds himself) and my interactions with students, even the obviously not all healthy ones, does not make me overly concerned for my safety. It helps that I have nearly 20 years of a particular type of training that emphasizes awareness and peaceful resolution.
But that lads to me address a common refrain I see whenever this topic arises, that only faculty with military/police training should CC on campus. The presumption is that they are properly trained, but that training is disparate. Active duty police only hit what they fire at ~30% of the time (compared to 10% for gang members, I believe but I cannot find that study readily). Military infantry tend to be much higher (~70% iirc), but we tend to stereotype everyone in the army as infantry. One friend of mine spent 20 years in aviation repair work and even though he was deployed never came anywhere close to firing a weapon. He had the basic training and then that was it. However, I also grew up in a rural area where shooting was as common as grilling out or hiking. I knew several people who are experts in firearms who are not "government trained." Many of them I don't think are psychologically ready to handle having to potentially take a life, but several are. u/Geometer99 mentioned the PTSD that would come with having to shoot someone (much less a student you know) and that is very real. One of my combat veteran friends recommended a text written by a military officer and Psychology Ph.D. about that topic and how hard it is for >90% of people to actually shoot at another person. The book is called On Killing and was a very interesting read if a bit redundant between some chapters. It was very fascinating to learn about conditioning (and de-conditioning) techniques used by militaries and other groups.
When it comes to my colleagues, most of my colleagues could not fathom operating a firearm and many are afraid of weapons; there are a tiny handful I would trust. One has several years of military training from his home country. Another has the demeanor. Another trains in the same program I do. But we all have something else in common; I don't think we would carry on campus unless condition were so horrible as to make the likelihood of needing immediate lethal protection readily available. Fortunately, college campuses are very safe and violent incidents are very rare and the climate is not conducive to needing a firearm. My campus borders a really bad area of town and has had a few incidents (and I know several students have weapons on campus). It did only take them two years to park a police cruiser in the parking lot on the edge of campus where the drug deals commonly happened and armed robberies happened fairly often too. But even with that mixing of college and town elements, it has been fairly secure (just don't leave valuables in your car in the far lot). I and my colleagues don't need firearms. But niggling in the back of my contrarian mind is that absence of need should not equate to ban...
60 just seems... not that old. (Speaking as a person who'll hit 40 in less than 3 years.) Suicide is complicated. Many people struggle with suicidal thoughts and compulsions. There's a great book called Night Falls Fast that investigates the subject thoroughly. But the idea that this person chose to commit suicide because "60" seemed old enough for a lifetime... it's a harsh thought.
I just bought my 17 year old niece this PostSecret book for her birthday.
I thought that reading other peoples secrets may make teen life a little more bearable and less awkward. I'm nearly 30, yet I still feel a sense of relief in that "I'm not the only one!" sort of way when I come across a secret that I share with a stranger.
I know this isn't what you're looking for or asking of the above poster, but I thought it relevant to what you're asking about so figured I'd share. You seem interested in a way that implied you might read a book about it, and this is a fantastic book for that. He has others like it, too. Very illuminating perspectives on the reality of the human experience of violence and war, especially from the soldier's view.
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society, by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman
It's not about the military specifically teaching dehumanization of the enemy, but the book examines the methods used by the military to overcome a person's innate aversion to murdering another human, and what that does in the long run to the minds of the soldiers. Dehumanization may be a part of that for some? It's been a few years since I read it, but I know it gets touched on.
>Stressing that human beings have a powerful, innate resistance to the taking of life, he examines the techniques developed by the military to overcome that aversion. His provocative study focuses in particular on the Vietnam war, revealing how the American soldier was "enabled to kill to a far greater degree than any other soldier in history." Grossman argues that the breakdown of American society, combined with the pervasive violence in the media and interactive video games, is conditioning our children to kill in a manner siimilar to the army's conditioning of soldiers
Your response deserves applause, pretty well thought out. Let me hit the various points:
>It's also no secret that there are fairly prevalent rapes in the military, many of which are not reported for fear of reprimand in some shape or form
This is an instance where you have "Now that we have more people reporting this, we have more reports on file, so since there are more reports on file, there are more rapes!" It's a double edged blade for the higher echelons command. If they convince more people to come forward (remember, these have no statute of limitations under UCMJ) it looks like you have more rapes in your command. Even if they all happened in 1999, it reflects on you. What fear of reprimand? The issue I've seen with reprimand is where a Soldier comes forward with allegations (under oath), then recants it all at a later time. Is intimidation, is it lying, not for us to determine.
>Allowing free relationships among soldiers would no doubt contribute to these, and 'normalize' the idea of sex amongst the enlisted, so that the issue is taken in less severity (e.g. "What? She was fucking those three last week, why not me?")
Not different than College in anyone. Unless you go to BYU.
>Sexualizing your fellow soldiers, using them for 'release', and forming relationships with someone that's meant to be your equal, will do nothing to close this divide, and progress equality in the military.
Relationships are all that matters in the military. On Killing has a good passage on why Soldiers shoot not to save themselves, but to save their buddies, the guy/gal that depends on them.
>Regarding men and women differently, assigning them different duties, allowing/disallowing them to operate on certain kinds of missions, all contributes to separating the troops by gender, when they should be completely conformed and uniform with one another, so as to form a truly cohesive unit with no systematic bias.
The needs of the mission will always come before needs of political correctness. Sort of the equivalent of why the LEAST mission essential person pulls off their gas mask first, not the lowest ranking.
>Banning interpersonal relationships, punishing infractions, and fully integrating all soldiers into the same fold, would all contribute to a more uniform, genderless unit, as part of this process is not only training women and men to the same standard, but to untrain the attitudes and gender roles that we naturally adhere to in society.
This could work in a draft Army...maybe, but we train our guys to think and feel. Usually they do very little in both regards, but in the Whole Soldier concept you end up with a soldier who can ethically engage in land combat operations.
>nor is it the place to carry on romantic relationships with your equals.
General Order, no boning in theater. Double bonus points under UCMJ if your boning and cheating at the same time.
>Training men and women to separate standards is already unjust, and outright nonsensical in my opinion, but we completely separate men and women in such a way, that they're not being trained (again, from my understanding) to be fully cohesive and without bias, ignorant to gender, and fully equal.
The only times training is separate is when it is training conducting in living quarters. The military can be down-right archaic with that sometimes, with punishments handed out for passing by an opposite gender tent to closely/often. The appearance of impropriety is enough to justify punishment for impropriety sometimes.
>A man might now take a risk for a woman on the battlefield that he would not have due to dangerous conditions for a man.
Shit, that works out in everyone's favor, right? No not really. Risk takers either end up dead, or hero's, or both. You don't look at Gender when you risk your own ass, you look at your buddy, that person that depends on you to pull your weight so you both end up back to the rear in one piece.
>There are of course also the obvious issues of STD's, pregnancy, emotional issues due to relationship-related stresses, and the ever-possible...
STD's are prevalent already, military towns, even ones with larger bases are pretty inbred boning pots. Relationship-related stresses, any more than being separate from a spouse that has no idea what you do on a day to day basis, and can't understand why you are working late again for the mission? Myself and the misses see each other for possibly 90 minutes a night before it's time to rack out and do PT again.
>and dare I say, "inevitable" abuse of superiority
From my experience watching this, the lower ranking individual, tends to wield the power in those relationship. Consider it emotional and career blackmail. Best example I saw was an E-3 & E-8. The moment the senior tried to break it off, the junior ran and told the CoC. Beep beep, you let your dick drive the bus that ran you over Bro!
>Rough-necks do it
That's nice, I see the Rangers and SF do it too, because there are no females around them. But remember it takes 2 to tango, so what happens if we demographically split the Rough Necks down the middle and toss in physically equal (Do you even lift?) women?
>Again, all completely conjecture and personal opinion., feel free to tear me a new one and disagree, I'm not claiming to have any more insight than anyone else here on the intricacies of military life.
No problems, it was a well thought out response.
There is a book on this I read once : https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
These books have helped me tremendously through the hiring process so far. I took recommendations from friends and acquaintances in law enforcement and from searching through previous threads on this subreddit.
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316040932/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_GNK.ybMTBZKVX
Emotional survival for law enforcement: A guide for officers and their families https://www.amazon.com/dp/0971725403/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_EOK.ybR4XSKZY
Verbal Judo: The Gentle Art of Persuasion, Updated Edition https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062107704/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_EQK.yb1MWMEPV
It really depends on the tone you're going for in your writing. If you want it to be realistic, I'd recommend checking out "Violence: a Writer's Guide" by Rory Miller. Other good sources would be "On Combat" and "On Killing"
http://www.amazon.com/Violence-A-Writers-Guide-ebook/dp/B004EYTBNA/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912178&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=violence+a+writer%27s+guide
http://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/0964920549/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912249&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+combat
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1345912264&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=on+killing+the+psychological+cost+of+learning+to+kill+in+war+and+society
Yes that can be a sign of a manic episode. I may suggest picking up Kay Redfield Jamison's book An Unquiet Mind to get a first-hand account of full blown manic episodes, from the point of view of a clinical psychologist as she experiences it herself.
I highly recommend you read An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison.
That book helped me so much. Just to know there was someone else who went through what I did. I mean, somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that I wasn't the only person with BP... but to be able to read it.. and actually have proof that I wasn't crazy.. It did wonders.
Can I ask, are you happy with your decision to not take medication? You mention that you have had a difficult time lately - why not try a different medication?
Also, I'm very sorry to hear you lost your mother. My heart goes out to you.
Bipolar disorder is much more subtle than it is portrayed. When we shown bipolar disorder by the media it's almost always extreme and over acted. Bipolar is depicted as a type of unhinged crazy. I'm bipolar and know many other bipolars. We might do really stupid things, like go out get drunk and cheat on our wives compulsively but that's hardly eyes-popping-out-of-skull frothing-at-the-mouth insane.
It depends on what you are looking for. If you need the crazy manic character to animate your narrative, then I guess that's where you need to take it. A well considered bipolar character would be rather subtle. Most of us are very good at passing which is why we don't stand out when you bump into us out in great big world of normal everyday life. We come in lots of varieties. Some of us are animated whereas others are quiet and private. We may or may not drink, drug, gamble, spend, don't take medications, or sleep around. You have a fair bit of room, but subtle will be more accurate if you are looking for a character similar to most of us.
Much of the time I would have said copious quantities of sex were the most important thing in a relationship alongside some flexibility about non-monogamy. I've been severely depressed for so long, that care, consideration, and loyalty matter most of all. It takes an extraordinary partner (or maladaptive one) to stick around for a long ride that's this hopeless for this long.
A leading researcher of this disorder also suffers from a severe form of it. She's remarkable and fascinating. She wrote a really good memoir that you read http://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309
I want to recommend you 2 books which I beg you to read. They have helped me a lot:
They might not seem they are adressing your issues, but I promise, if you go through them you will heal yourself to a point where you at least will not be so hard on yourself and not contemplating suicide anymore.
Porn is not your issue, your issue is a the thing you are treating with porn. And shame is never the answer. Never. Don't punish yourself for your thoughts. Thoughts are automatic processes we cannot control. Think of them like an involuntary fart. How ridiculous would be to punish yourself everytime you have one? ;)
So care for yourself, be your best friend, treat yourself like you would treat a wounded son you love. One day a time. And trust me you will discover a self love so strong you'd be amazed :)
If you need more help just write a PM. I can be a support when you need one. Cheers!
SparklyChipmunk offered good advice.
To add to it, sometimes when a person is screaming at you, it can help a lot if you maintain a low, calm voice where they have to quiet down to be able to hear you. It can make them realize how loud they're being.
Something else that can help diffuse a BPD rage is validating whatever you can--look for something in what she's saying or feeling that you do agree with and let her know about it. BPD is very, very sensitive to perceived invalidation and validating them can help to short circuit that process and get their emotions to die down a bit and be able to actually hear some of what you're saying and not just perceiving everything as attacks against their very soul.
That said, if she never gets appropriate treatment, you can learn techniques to get along better with her, but all you'll be able to do is manage her and she'll likely not experience significant improvements. I'm not gonna tell you what to do because it's your life and your relationship, but if after trying to discuss the situation with her and trying to find a workable solution if things are still really bad do some serious soul searching to decide if this relationship really is worth it to you. It's your decision and I won't push you toward staying or going but be prepared to ask yourself these tough questions because even if she does get treatment you still are going to have a long, hard road ahead of you because while BPD is very treatable recovery generally takes at least two years, before you see remission or at least reach a huge reduction in symptoms although you can start seeing the first improvements pretty early on.
I have a very BPD FP and I had to ask myself these hard questions and I weighed the positives and the negatives and searched deeply in my heart. For me the answer was decidely yes: I am sticking with him. But for your situation you'll have to come to your own conclusion.
Anyway it's the middle of the night. Don't worry just yet about your relationship ending. Hope is not yet lost. Try the suggestions offered here and consider reading this book: Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder. It'll teach you a lot about her mind and how to get along better with her and be happier. Give it some time and see how it goes. Then decide if you wanna continue with the relationship or not.
I wish you guys the best. May you both find happiness, whether it's together or apart.
This sounds like the classic "I hate you, don't leave me" behavior of someone with borderline personality disorder. There are a lot of good resources to help people mend relationships with loved ones who have BPD. I'm on my phone. Otherwise I would do a better job of summarizing the main points, but I can really recommend the book Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder. http://www.amazon.com/Someone-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Control/dp/1593856075
I would recommend the book "Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder" by Shari Manning is a great resource that will really help you start to think about the different ways that BPD might affect your relationship and, more importantly, of ways that you can utilize an understanding of BPD to improve your experience (and your partner's experience) in that relationship.
I know you said you've read about BPD in textbooks but this is quite different, and as a psychologist I'd recommend it.
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter at 38 weeks under similar circumstances in September. I have found the two books below to be helpful.
Book: It’s OK that you’re not OK is a helpful analysis of the grief associated with losses like stillbirth, and analysis of how friends/family/society reacts (typically poorly) to these types of losses.
Book: They were still born A collection of short, well-written essays written by men and women with stillborn children.
I, too, lost my father. My heart is with you.
While not a “cozy” book, per se, I do greatly recommend Megan Devine’s book, “It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand.” [https://www.amazon.com/dp/1622039076/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_fN12DbHW2A9T9 ]
I can’t say enough good things about this book; I feel like Megan crawled into my grieving head and heart and wrote out all of the feelings that I didn’t think anyone would understand...because she wrote it from a place of grief too.
I really really hate people telling me to “do this, it’ll help you,” because I immediately will refuse to do it...but if you buy this book and hate it, I will buy it from you. I’m that much of a lover of Megan’s work. She also runs a writing group that I participate in...and I promise that I do not get any credit or kickbacks or anything from referring you to her or this book. I just couldn’t find anything that helped me - and I’m a no-nonsense, don’t-bullshit-me person - and this was what finally clicked for me.
I’ve commented about this book a lot on Reddit; I’m sure you can find posts in my comment history. ❤️
Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody ... it really isn't. Life is like a movie: if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early. ~ Doug Stanhope
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The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your suffering.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
Sponsored by the friends of Scott Dragoo.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the US in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
If you decide to call a hotline, use Skype or a pay telephone to avoid having your number traced. Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. If you prefer online support, always create a new account with an anonymous name before posting.
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A comprehensive and impartial wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
n.b. Always use this website as a supplement to the books written by professionals, available below.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
A complete guide to exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physicians who focus on euthanasia research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all tutorial videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods. The 2nd edition contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each method, and reviews of 3rd party products.
Selected chapters from Dr. Stone's foremost research text on suicide, which is now out of print. A full PDF version is available below.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
One of the most controversial books on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. The 3rd edition has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, this version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. Please read the latest addendum, available here.
A video supplement to Final Exit with information on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
Dr. Nitschke gives a brief explanation of the inert gas method using helium.
A short tutorial on making an exit bag, presented by nurse educator, Betty.
Dr. Nitschke prepares a peaceful drug cocktail using the tricyclic antidepressant amitriptyline (Elavil).
A more reliable version of the receipe is available in the ASH wiki.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1), Tutorial (2) (click the blue link once the page loads)
Hydrogen sulfide is a fast acting neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items: cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur. More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
An article about jumping which examines the time delay between neural processing and impact.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
(http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5e3_1286805999)
Suicide of a female university student in Syria (April 2012)
Warning: graphic footage of suicides by suspension hanging
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always refer to the most recent version provided, as older editions may contain outdated or inaccurate or information.
If the above links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
Dying Pictures
Two pro-choice support forums for those considering suicide. Discussion of methods is allowed.
Exit's official web forum. Method discussion is prohibited.
A collection of suicide notes gathered from coroners' offices.
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is unavailable
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Scott Dragoo does not encourage or endorse suicide. Scott Dragoo is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
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If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Scott Dragoo commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
**
If this message has helped you, please contact Scott Dragoo by phone, letter or email:
Scott Dragoo, Program Director
Social Outreach Services
1224 S Gilbert St.
Iowa City, IA 52240
(319) 855-8172
(319) 855-2744
[email protected]
**
I promise I'll give some specific recommendations at the end.
So, actually being able to do DBT and call it DBT is involved and fairly difficult. DBT folks (at least the bigwigs) are really big on treatment fidelity, which means faithfully reproducing what has been shown to work in their outcome research, which means a lot of resources. I'm not sure where you work and what resources you have available, but Linehan herself states that if you're not running skill groups in addition to individual therapy, along with having a treatment team for consultation, then you're not actually doing DBT. I've noticed that without all of these components present they prefer to call it "DBT-informed CBT." Just putting all of that out there for informational purposes.
That being said, you can most certainly integrate DBT concepts and techniques into your individual work, if that's what you do. It's just that there are a TON of specific skills and worksheets to choose from. It's a really involved therapy. There are many books available, but here are the ones that I've personally found useful in individual therapy and they seem to generally get favorable reviews:
DBT® Skills Training Manual, Second Edition is straight from the source. Tons of information and reproducible handouts...almost overwhelming.
DBT Made Simple is a really good, simple (obviously) primer on basic DBT philosophies and techniques to get you started in individual work.
Doing Dialectical Behavior Therapy: A Practical Guide is really good. More in-depth than the Made Simple book and really gives a solid understanding of what to do in session.
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook is a solid DBT-based self-help workbook. I have recommended it to several clients and it's usually connected each time. It's a handy way for the client to think about concepts in-between sessions without it feeling like "homework" and it helps as a roadmap for therapy. Kind of acts as a little skill trainer in place of the group (I know, still not the same) since there's not enough time to focus on all of the skills in individual therapy alone. It actually works well for emotionally dysregulated clients in general, regardless of what the primary diagnosis is.
There's also a video of Marsha Linehan demonstrating DBT in session on psychotherapy.net that you may find useful. It offers CE credits as well.
I read somewhere that in old age, your quality of life is mostly determined by your friendship circle, not your family. And for most people, it is easier to find a friend than a long-term romantic partner.
I believe the posters here could probably find at least one friend each. Or even a pet.
>Is it worth living a miserable life? That doesn't sound very pleasant and the quality of that life is rather low is it not?
The author of this book (which is excellent btw) spoke to a woman whose children were killed right in front of her during wartime, and who was raped repeatedly during the same conflict. She finds her meaning and happiness in life now helping other women like her rebuild their lives. I believe that people can transcend misery, yes.
Hey there, I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time. I'm 30 and was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago and I'm going trough something similar.
First, you are not your mom's boyfriend. Being an abusive asshole is a choice and as you said a diagnosis is not an excuse to do bad things. That being said I also currently struggle with viewing myself as a monster. I realized I've really hurt people in the past and right now I'm struggling to forgive myself. I'm working on self compassion and gathering courage to apologize to those people. I have also made a promise to myself that going forward I will do my absolute best to not hurt anyone else with my words or actions.
Regarding things getting better...yes they do, but it takes time.
I was crazy unbearably symptomatic in my early and mid twenties but at that time lived in a country where mental health was non-existent, so I got no professional help whatsoever. The general consensus and also my personal experience is that BPD gets better with age. For me, without treatment, this has meant that I have more self control in not letting my emotions destroy relationships. I don't lash out so often, I'm more hesitant to cut people out, etc. The intensity of the emotions is still the same, but they have less control over me now than they had in the past.
In the past 6 months I've been in an outpatient program that does DBT and it has gradually made my life easier (I was admitted there per-diagnosis, after a suicide attempt). My emotions are still intense, but it takes me less time to calm down. I still dissociate, but I can tell when I'm starting to do so and take action. I don't self harm and drink myself to sleep anymore.
The emptiness is still there. I try to fight it with hobbies and activities, but haven't made much progress yet. I'd love to hear other people's experiences on this one.
I also struggle with knowing who I am or what I like, but I've come to view myself as a collage: I take pieces of other people-likes, hobbies, interests and adopt them as my own. Some of those pieces I keep, some I discard or replace when I meet new people but slowly over time I'm constructing a personality.
Lastly some things that I've found helpful:
The Buddha and The Borderline This book gave me a lot of hope that recovery is possible even late in life, even for severe cases.
Some videos:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhOotNCqg2E
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Is-kXJiOaLc&amp;t=41s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZdjbLFPr5k
The Migghty's articles on BPD (not all of them but it is interesting to read about other borderliness experiences)
This Discord server was super helpful for a mini crisis situation yesterday. It is not BPD specific
And most importantly look for a DBT group or therapist. It is really helpful. Or you can start working though a workbook on your own.
Feel free to message me if you want to chat or share info on BPD, I'm also figuring all of this out.
And obligatory English is not my native language, sorry if this is difficult to read.
<3
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder
You should DEFINITELY check out Meghan Devine’s book “It’s OK That You’re Not Ok.” It is a book for people who lose their loved ones very suddenly and unexpectedly, and how to help your loved ones when that happens to them — first, I would read it. It will give you an incredibly visceral understanding of what she’s going through emotionally. Most importantly, it will tell you what NOT to do. Because your friend is in such a delicate place, she can be easily hurt and offended right now. This will give you guidelines. Then, when you think enough immediate pain has passed, give her the book to read, too.
The most important thing to know at the moment is that 1) you cannot fix this 2) she does not want you to fix this. She just needs you to literally be there, and verify how terrible everything is. Acknowledge that this is the absolute worst thing in her life, & that everything she is feeling is real & appropriate. I cannot stress it enough - you can’t fix it or even help it. Don’t try to do either of those things right now. Just be near her. That is the most you can do for her, and you, right now. Very best wishes, and so much love to you & her.
It’s Ok That You’re Not Ok
Nembutal is almost impossible to find (I saw it 2 times on SR1 not again since). Instead you could buy 2-4 grams of heroin a winged infusion needle and syringe, 2 grams of street grade H being a 100% lethal hit for an average size male who is non opiate tolerant adjust your dose accordingly.
Source: Final Exit by Derek Humphry
I just finished reading Seductive Poison about the Jonestown massacre and the people’s temple cult. Mormonism isn’t quite there in terms of its level of crazy but it’s only one insane prophet away. Mormons ability to not see cultish tendencies is amazing.
Seductive Poison: A Jonestown Survivor's Story of Life and Death in the People's Temple https://www.amazon.com/dp/0385489846/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_midgAbXY8H7GR
I'm currently in the middle of reading Fun Home by Alison Bechdel (who also writes and illustrates Dykes to Watch Out For). It's a memoir about Bechdel coming out as a lesbian while also coming to terms with her father's suicide and learning that he was a closeted homosexual. It's also a comic book, so it might be an easier read if you are dyslexic. I haven't finished the book yet so I can't wholeheartedly recommend it, but I'm enjoying it so far.
Umberto Eco's Six Walks in the Fictional Woods is a very accessible introduction to thinking about literature in a way that blends narratology and semiotics. It generally sticks pretty closely to talking about the stories he has in mind, so I wished while reading it that I'd had a copy of Gérard de Nerval's Sylvie on hand, among others.
David Lodge's The Art of Fiction used to be popular as a supplementary textbook in creative writing classes because it just uses nice examples to provide a basic language for talking about literature.
John Sutherland has a number of books intended for a general audience that either introduce basic concepts of literary criticism or that just make careful reading fun, e.g. How Literature Works, A Little History of Literature, and The Literary Detective: 100 Puzzles in Classic Fiction (an omnibus edition of the books he's probably most well known for).
Gaston Bachelard comes to mind as someone who, like Gass, is just a delight to read: The Poetics of Space, Air and Dreams, etc. I'd put some other writers writing about their personal relationships to reading in a similar category: Nicholson Baker, U and I; Virginia Woolf, A Writer's Diary; and even Alison Bechdel, Fun Home.
You should read Alison Bechdel's Fun Home. Granted, it's told through the lens of the 60's and 70's, so things might be different today, but still a very interesting story...
The average person cannot commit suicide without a great deal of effort, it takes a seriously strong mind to do it. To you, that may sound counter-intuitive, but it's the truth. This book talks about it a number of times. For a person to succeed at suicide, it nearly always involves numerous attempts. It's not just a long-term outlook of pointlessness, but a view that the entirety of life is beyond pointless. Every second of every day the person is considering the useless aspects of life and they eventually feel tortured enough to do something about it. If you haven't been stricken with insomnia thinking about your useless existence then you don't know where this type of person is at. It's not just some acute depression.
>As far as our outlook goes, it's identical
Not even close. Nice try though. Those who fight suicidal tendencies in their youth will most likely die from it at some point in their life. The fact that you haven't yet attempted it means you are either too young to have gone through it or you will probably never feel what it means to be suicidal in your entire life. Try being a little more empathetic and perhaps reading a few books before you make bold assumptions based on something you have no experience with.
My heartfelt sympathies!
As for the "why?" question, the best book I have ever, ever read on this is Thomas Joiner's "Why People Die by Suicide" https://www.amazon.com/Why-People-Suicide-Thomas-Joiner/dp/0674025490. As someone who used to be suicidal myself, I can tell you that he fully hit the mark: I never read a better text explaining suicide than his. I would encourage everyone to read this and for every school library to get a copy. In an odd way, it was healing reading it. I sent the author a thank you note for his amazing book and even got a reply!
Aside from that, one trigger that can be overlooked could be abuse (not neccessary only sexual but also physical and also emotional) - and not neccessary commited by parents. Often abuse victims are so so ashamed that they don't see another way out (certainly made me suicidal back when it was happening).
For what it's worth, I told a former teacher years after I left school what was happening/that I was suicidal back then and he was shocked and gobsmacked. He told me he never would have guessed. Some kids are just too good at hiding it. And teachers do have 200+ students. Sometimes there is no way to tell what goes through a student's mind.
There are parallels with Messner's article and the work of Erik Erikson. Erikson's theory of the ego forms the foundation for Developmental Psychology. This is from a brief description of the work Erikson did. The subjects of Erikson's studies had major issues in describing their inner world.
Erikson's Eight Ages of Man
>It was while he was working with the Indians that Erikson began to note syndromes which he could not explain within the confines of traditional psychoanalytic theory. Central to many an adult Indian’s emotional problems seemed to be his sense of uprootedness and lack of continuity between his present life-style and that portrayed in tribal history. Not only did the Indian sense a break with the past, but he could not identify with a future requiring assimilation of the white culture’s. values. The problems faced by such men, Erikson recognized, had to do with the ego and with culture and only incidentally with sexual drives.
>
>The impressions Erikson gained on the reservations where reinforced during World War II when he worked at a veterans’ rehabilitation center at Mount Zion Hospital in San Francisco. Many of the soldiers he and his colleagues saw seemed not to fit the traditional “shell shock” or “malingerer” cases of World War I. Rather, it seemed to Erikson that many of these men had lost the sense of who and what they were. They were having trouble reconciling their activities, attitudes and feelings as soldiers with the activities, attitudes and feelings they had known before the war. Accordingly, while these men may well have had difficulties with repressed or conflicted drives, their main problem seemed to be, as Erikson come to speak of it at the time, “identity confusion.”
Messner's article has many good links-be sure to follow up on them especially to the book
I Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real. The link, if you're an Amazon member, will let you read a lot of the book. I highly reccomend it.
If you're wondering HOW to not concern yourself with things out of your control (or to stop doing so), here are some resources that have helped me a lot:
Feeling Good by David Burns
A great book by a psychiatrist. Very funny to read and a lot of very effective real world techniques to reduce stress, anger, depression, etc. Burns is very practical and down to earth, and provides scientific evidence that the techniques in the book really work.
The Work by Byron Katie
Even simpler process than what Burns provides. Very philosophical and mind blowing (which is the point). She has a ton of free audios, videos and text available.
One of my favorite teachers is Eckhart Tolle. I hated religion for a long time and he helped me understand it better and let go of my anger.
There are many others, but these have probably been the most helpful for me.
Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond: An amazing look at how civilization was formed
On Killing by Dave Grossman: If your characters kill anyone, know what it will do to them
*edit: Hero of a Thousand Faces by Joseph Campbell: You think Eragon is a rip off of Star Wars, or that Star Wars is a rip off of Jesus, or that Jesus is a rip off of some obscure norwegan god, find out the true origins of just about everything you have ever read and find out why Harry Potter had to die and had to come back from the dead!
On Killing is a pretty good one that talks about how soldiers have adapted through the ages to overcome the aversion to killing. A bunch of the 12B's in my platoon were reading it and I didn't even know they could read.
On Killing by army psychologist Lt. Col. Dave Grossman. Scary title I know, but this is one of the few books that has ever made me feel better about humanity.
>This is extremely key. If any such loosely affiliated people clinging to this one term (ancap) is going to progress, distinct and close knit groups must form around different sets of ideological values. This is why, in its current state, violence in the name of ancapism makes no sense. There is no unified goal, no unified definition of terms even.
Yup.
>This is an interesting paradox I have been trying to think through. Lets say you have an ancap territory. You want people to interact peacefully and whatnot. However, in the real world you need "nasties". You need people who can assassinate, kill, spy, and destroy your enemies.
>The solution seems to be ideology. Similar to the idea of Jihad, or "war" where under certain circumstances these things are OK, but in others they are not. The killers need to be indoctrinated to understand the different instances in which certain methods are permitted. I don't think it is that hard to leave the battle field and reintegrate otherwise there would be a whole lot more violence here in the US and in the countries that jihadists come from.
The best work I've read on this is 'On Killing' by Lt. Col. David Grossman. I'm not a military man, but someone who's been an officer or an enlisted leader can comment on whether or not they think it's a good book. This is a big problem, but according to American military thinkers, the American military has been better at training these kinds of killers than even the Prussian professional military of the 19th century as measured by willingness for units to fire on human targets with intent to kill.
This is a really hard problem that requires strong institutions to cultivate. I'm going off memory because I sold the book, but the person that the military attempts to train is the 'virtuous psychopath,' meaning someone who kills without hesitation while following the strictures and values embodied by the broader organization. Is this a sensible goal? Has it been achieved? I'm not sure. My sense is kinda-but-not-really. Any impressive innovations at the tactical level in the American military are greatly overwhelmed by the permanent strategic retardation of the political leadership -- namely that it's continually fighting wars with no solid justification, killing people for no purpose, without reference to the cost.
That book is all about that problem specifically and how the modern American military has attempted to solve it: conditioning people to be killers within the bounds of the law and the structure of command.
There are also of course thousands of years of accumulated material on this topic, and I'm unqualified to survey it in a way that would satisfy my standards. This is an extremely hard problem whether you go about it from either religious or secular means. The societies that solve this problem better than others are the ones that thrive.
Are jihadis really good at this? They're pretty terrible when you think about it. In Syria, they're an irregular mob. They behead people in public, burn folks alive, rape women, and slaughter civilians pushed up against walls with automatic weapons fire. When the mujaheddin entered power in Afghanistan, after long preparation as mountain-fighters, rapers of prisoners of war, and religious fanatics, they proceeded to institute a backwards theocracy. That isn't the sort of professional martial elite that knows how to stand aside and give civilians room to build up property and flourish. That very idea of a prosperous civilian society is utterly foreign to their way of thinking. That's not why men are on this earth from their perspective.
War never ends for them, even if jihad is over. And it's hard to end jihad against the Soviets when there's other targets worthy of jihad out there.
As American military standards have become more lax, and standard atrocities like torture have become acceptable, policing has become more brutal and war-like. This shows the great danger in permitting discipline to lapse within the military, and with the promotion of wonton war for no strategic purpose. The previous legal standards of limited war between European states promoted civilization for this reason. Unfortunately, the Americas have never been terribly civilized.
Been loving the responses so far! My own preferences have been changing, and I've been reading a lot more non-fiction than I used to. It has really opened the doors to a lot of books I would not have considered reading before!
On my reading list:
The Unthinkable by Amanda Ripley - this is what I'm almost finished with now. It has been a really insightful read on how little prepared society is for disasters, and the steps we should take to help fix that.
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker - I've seen this mentioned on reddit a few times and it's in the same vein as the book I'm currently reading.
Full Dark, No Stars by Stephen King
The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog by Bruce D. Perry
The Lean Startup by Eric Ries - I'm currently working in the startup industry, and have read similar books to this.
The Hard Thing About Hard Things by Ben Horowitz - same as the book above. This is currently going around my office right now so I should be reading it soon!
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk M.D. - this was recommended to me by a friend when he learned I was reading The Unthinkable and The Gift of Fear. Honestly really looking forward to reading this one!
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society
Books I'd recommend:
Blink by Malcom Gladwell - all about the subconscious mind and the clues we pick up without realizing it. Pretty sure reading this book has helped me out in weird situations.
Elon Musk: Tesla, SpaceX, and the Quest for a Fantastic Future by Ashlee Vance - amazing read about how Elon Musk works and the person he is.
The Circle by Dave Eggers - just don't watch the movie :)
Actually, Dave Grossman did a more comprehensive study & analysis as per his book "On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society", and it does show a lot of the same stuff. He does say that the WWII study is not beyond reproach though, you are right. But there's something to it If I remember well.
Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide.
a) we'll be clear about what part of proceeds go to charity when that's decided. It will be a significant %. The rest would go to paying for servers and reddit overhead.
b) fans of the Post Secret and other books would disagree http://www.amazon.com/PostSecret-Extraordinary-Confessions-Ordinary-Lives/dp/0060899190, but I don't think anyone is thinking this will be on best seller lists or even at your local barnes & noble. More something for redditors.
I think you're trying to refer to John Money and the Reimer case. (Link is to a book about the case and Dr. Money's influence on gender studies/identity politics and I highly recommend it.) Basically that case, among some work by Dr. Milton Diamond, led to the conclusion that there is some inevitable "nature" aspect to the determination of gender, whether it corresponds with biological sex or not.
I appreciate that you acknowledge not knowing much about certain groups and reaching out to understand them, as I often find myself in the same position. I wish more people thought that way.
There was a book written about him, called "As Nature Made Him".
> The problem is that these individuals did not adjust to their prescribed gender as predicted. All of the social conditioning, which included their surgically altered bodies, was not enough. There are a few decently brief, but appropriately in depth docs on this if you search around. The confusion and distress these people felt over a lifetime is not to be underestimated. Imagine being a guy or girl, and being raised your whole life in the opposite category, and even with different genetalia. Then one day you find out that you were born different, and had your genitals mutilated without your consent, and kept in the dark about it. It can be a long and confusing road to self acceptance and balance in life.
See: As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised As A Girl by John Colapinto for a particularly heartbreaking true story about this sort of thing.
It's been done. The results were not pretty.
People are nuts on this issue. There is no medical reason to remove the foreskin of a baby. none whatsoever. Everyone should read the story of David Reimer, which is where I learned about the history of routine infant circumcision and that it's pointless.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer
https://www.amazon.com/As-Nature-Made-Him-Raised/dp/0061120561
My cousin is friends with Corey Seymour, Hunter S. Thompson's former assistant and author of this biography. One year, for Christmas (we're bad Jews), she got me an autographed copy of the book, but what really blew me away were the 3 faxes and letters from Hunter S. Thompson that Corey included.
In Achilles in Vietnam: Combat Trauma and the undoing of moral character, Dr. Jonathan Shay examines the additional situational elements that are predictors of the likelihood an individual will develop PTSD.
LtCol Grossman has also written on this subject in On Combat and On Killing.
Shared experience, supportive debriefing, command climate, fatigue level, witness to/participation in crimes or atrocities, cover-ups, moral conflict, relationship to wounded/killed... all of these things shape the experience.
A well-trained warrior may have no regrets or disturbances at having killed numerous enemy troops or even losing comrades if he was well cared for and supported by his command and unit.
But an under-prepared & overly fatigued warrior who saw injured children, or was involved in actions that terrorized civilians, while a member of an abusive command and separated from his buddies may experience moderate to even severe PTSD.
There is much more to PTSD than the volume of fire to which one was exposed or the MOS and duty assignment that may be reflected in paper records.
The first time I saw it was on the cover of [On Killing] (http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1325109423&amp;sr=8-1). It's an incredible book which talks about the psychological effect that killing and learning to kill has on people. The author does get a little preachy about video game violence, but aside I highly, highly recommend it.
You should read the book On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by Lt. Dave Grossman. It might help somewhat.
That is not cheaper unfortunately. The person pulling the trigger still has to live with that guilt. https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Hanging still sucks. I honestly don't think there is a way to perform an execution without the psychological costs associated. Not to mention the possible therapy required for the person who enacted the execution.
No book will prepare you for law enforcement, it has to be touched, smelled, heard, and seen. If you're already a cop then the best thing you can do to be better is to be a well rounded human being and books can help with that.
Here's the recommended reading from some of the prior threads I was able to find in the sub.
I've read a good portion of the above listed. I highly recommend Emotional Survival and going to see one of Gilmartin's talks if he's in your area. Below are a few of my personal suggestions.
Jeff Cooper created a "color code" to help people in potentially dangerous situations get into a fighting mindset. The system has since been bastardized to instead represent different levels of vigilance or situational awareness to potential threats and is now in widespread use among military, law enforcement, and self defense communities.
Condition White is where most people are most of the time--completely unaware of changes in the environment around them. If you're staring at your phone, have your headphones in, or are otherwise engrossed in work or leisure you're in Condition White and you're probably gonna die if an active killer shows up.
Condition Yellow is where an alert and aware person is when they haven't detected any specific threats. You're head comes up when someone enters the room or moves into your line of sight. Condition Yellow is where you ideally want to spend most of your time.
Condition Orange is the point where you've identified something specific that might be a threat, but you aren't completely sure yet. Something unusual has caught your attention and you are now consciously paying attention to it (example would be two men entering a store late at night with masks covering their faces--not necessarily dangerous, but it very well might be) and looking for pre-attack indicators. This is the point when you'll start moving to a more tactically advantageous position (either to run or to fight). Normalcy bias will prevent many people from ever reaching Condition Orange.
Staying in Condition Orange creates burnout very quickly, and you want to identify whether or not what you noticed is actually a threat so that you can move back to Condition Yellow or escalate into Condition Red (as appropriate).
Condition Red is the point where you have confirmed an imminent threat and the object of your attention is now a potential target. You are either drawing your weapon or running the fuck away.
Some people have also added a Condition Black, which can refer to either the moment you actually attack, the aftermath of the situation, or a number of other things.
If you want to learn more about the subject I highly recommend the books The Gift Of Fear by Gavin De Becker and On Killing by Dave Grossman.
you sound young a naive, not receiving or perhaps accepting the respect and acknowledgment of your families love - not realizing it yet, that love of the self and life. Really loving life. Maybe because you have not come close to death, I mean really close to cold, dark, death. More so, you sound like all fresh and stupid young boys do right when they leave high school; assured of their understanding of the world, an understanding that drastically changes every three to five years. Until one day, thirty years from now you look back and say, "I knew nothing when I was young". It's then that you realize this was all a feeling. One long feeling you had, that lasted days and years, as time seemed to slip by so painfully slow. Where a gut feeling of needed mobility took over and forced your fate into a position that only forgiveness and toughing it out can save for. A feeling of longing; Longing for adventure and a chance to prove oneself - a man's journey or hero quest. This feeling in men (and women) has been known since ancient times, only they had positive ways of promoting such innate human drives. Today, we have fraternities and the military, the factory or gangs. All shadow concepts of masculinity, all captivities shaded in brotherhood and silly concepts of sacrifice.
This is what the US military hopes for, besides all the other young and stupid children who knocked up a girlfriend and need money, or inner city kids who need a direction outside of gang life. The world you live in has been designed this way. To take the poor and wanting, and to place them in the machine. You're not going to fight for freedom, that fight belongs at a poll, and in protest, in letters to senators and special interest groups. The only freedom you'll find toting a gun in some foreign land is the same freedom men from constitutional nations always find, a small stipend to spend while corporations colonize foreign markets and people who would never sit by you at a table bank on your ignorance and hard work. You will be yelled at and broken, all for bits of ribbon or a tab. Told you're finally a man now, that you have found discipline, that you gained 'leadership skills'. All the while these traits were inside you, never on the outside, waiting to be emboldened and brought out of you; waiting for a moment of maturity and expression.
The only thing you seek in the military is a chance at expression, for something that is already there, just waiting for an outlet. If you don't want to die, don't be a soldier. If you're patriotic, then your nearest fight for liberty is at home against corruption and greed. If you want to be a man, become one of peace - because I assure you wholeheartedly, there are plenty of ex soldiers who are now men in pieces. Broken, berated and disturbed by the horrors that is war and a tighter bottom line.
Coast guard, if you must. But remember, all your life you will be searching for some semblance of inner peace, and that will never be found holding a weapon.
Works to consider: http://www.amazon.com/King-Warrior-Magician-Lover-Rediscovering/dp/0062506064
http://www.amazon.com/Fire-Belly-Being-Sam-Keen/dp/0553351370/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1373858243&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=fire+in+the+belly
http://www.amazon.com/Iron-John-Book-About-Men/dp/0306813769/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1373858269&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=iron+john
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1373858285&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=on+killing
This book http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1421777837&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+killing goes into a good bit of detail on the subject. Eye opening read for sure for those of us fortunate enough to not have to deal with having been in that situation. I think the author is mixed in terms of reception in the services but I thought it was quite a read.
> The problem is how much easier guns make killing. Pulling the trigger on a gun doesn't seem very violent in itself, even though the chain of events that follows are. On the other hand, stabbing someone is extremely violent and much harder, both physically and mentally.
This is false, actually. People hit and club easily, but the hesitation to shoot and stab are about equal. This is based on centuries of observing soldiers in combat; very early on they noticed that the soldiers were mostly shooting to miss. It isn't until you move up to crew operated weapons, like artillery and belt fed machine guns, that that hesitation starts to melt away.
Check out On Killing by Dave Grossman. A lot of good insights on the subject.
Without even looking at any of the "Vidja Games are Ebil" shit coming out of The White House recently, I knew Fucking Col Grossman was involved.
It's not just these days though. He was pretty prominent all through the 90s and 2000s with his anti-video game crusade. He's pretty much the driving force of it.
It's kind of a bummer too, because his first book was actually really interesting when I was a young soldier.
I was an enlisted soldier working in Army mental health (loved by few, hated by many), so I'm sorry I can't give you any tips on the training pipeline for officers. However, I can answer some questions about what type of work you're going to do.
Standard reading in my unit was On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society. I've seen some of the raw data questioned in military forums, but the overall book is still good.
I've talked to countless people who have killed and this book describes the psychological impact of it. There is also a brief history of the training techniques that the military has used to squelch our instinct to not kill others. Very interesting overall.
Hey there. So I wanted to reply to your statement and maybe compare your research experience to my field experience, and maybe expand a little bit on some of the points you made, or refuted.
BTW, I don't know anything about your background other than your writing here, so please don't misconstrue what I say as a judgment on you or our experiences. My perspective comes from 8 years as a US Army soldier, with a few overseas tours, and 4 years as a LEO.
I think a good insight into the original OP's comments is LTC Dave Grossman's book On Killing. Grossman breaks down his own research into the killing impulse, conditioning, and how killing affects the individual's psyche. I would recommend reading both of his books (On Killing and On Combat) if you haven't done so already.
Although I'm not really qualified to speak to the vast socio-cultural implications of large-scale conflicts (you mention that "War is a contest of wills"), I can talk a little about the process of getting one person to kill another without creating massive psychological trauma. (FYI, my experience is US centric, so I'm not remotely qualified to opine on the traditions of other countries.)
Paramount to this process is the concept of "dehumanizing" the enemy. Common slurs used to refer to the enemy throughout our history (kraut, charlie, hajji, raghead, VC, sand-nigg*r, japs, chinks, etc) exist as a way to dehumanize the enemy, making them much easier to kill from a psychological perspective. Humans, as a default, are social creatures. From an evolutionary standpoint, any true violence between groups is a threat to their survival, hence the prevalence of posturing, ceremonial battles, proxy fighting, etc.
I think it may be helpful to step away from a discussion that centers around "soldiers vs warriors" and focus more specifically, and fundamentally, on "humans that can kill without suffering crippling emotional trauma vs humans who can't." If we recognize that basic distinction, then we can begin identifying the underlying characteristics that separate these groups from one another.
The main traits trained into a group of individuals that are expected to kill another person as part of their duties (military, law enforcement, etc) are:
I think it would be fair to say that many people can exhibit one of these behaviors, but the application of all of these together requires extensive training in desensitization, stress-response control, and muscle memory.
Killing is an unnatural state of affairs for most people, especially in our fairly evolved social behavior models. That is not to say that people are incapable of violence when presented with no other choice; and also not to imply that there are way more confounding factors than can be explored in a Reddit comment (mental illness, cultural tendencies, extreme hunger/poverty/trauma, etc). But I think it is important to recognize the common threads that tie violent acts together.
I'm definitely not going to try and refute every single point you've made, since
I just read an article that contradicts much of what I've read on the topic (and what I've said here!), but the argument is still quite heated and lively.
So, anyhow, this is my opinion, and I'm glad we can discuss this openly. Cheers!
^(BTW I love your writing.)
I'm going to recommend this book:
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society from Dave Grossman
The book is based on SLA Marshall's studies from World War II, which proposed that contrary to popular perception, the majority of soldiers in war do not ever fire their weapons and that this is due to an innate resistance to killing. Based on Marshall's studies the military instituted training measures to break down this resistance and successfully raised soldier's firing rates to over ninety percent during the war in Vietnam.
Grossman points out that there are great psychological costs that weigh heavily on the combat soldier or police officer who kills if they are not mentally prepared for what may happen; if their actions (killing) are not supported by their commanders and/or peers; and if they are unable to justify their actions (or if no one else justifies the actions for them).
Edit: spelling and formatting
I won't push any guns on you(look at my flair if you want to know what I carry.) Do not walk into a shop and just buy a gun. Go to a range and rent guns, go with a friend that owns guns, ask everybody you can what their opinion on their guns are. If at any time someone seems emotional while bashing a brand then stop listening to them. I don't buy Glock because they don't feel right in my hand, but it is still one of the most popular guns because it is reliable. Find what works for you and then buy.
Hickok45 - He is great. He uses a wide variety of guns and ammo and he has a few episodes where he compares guns.
Legal Carry
Massad Ayoob - One of if not the best in the business. Read anything and everything you can find from him.
Shoot to Live(1/8)
Judicious use of Force(1/2)
Make the time to watch these videos and the rest in each series. These are mobile YouTube links if they don't work for you I will edit them when I get to a computer.
Lt. Col. Dave Grossman Get his books and read them.
On Combat
On Killing
Storage Where is your gun going to be when not in its holster? All of my pistols are in a safe.
Home Defense Handguns aren't the best for home defense because of the possibility of shooting friendlies and bystanders through walls. Think about shotguns for that.
Holster and Placement I have a Crossbreed Supertuck for my .45 and a Galco basic ankle holster for my .380. If you know people that own and carry you could ask them if you can try their holster/gun combo around their house(unloaded.) At ranges or shops ask what others use and why. There are multiple places you can carry a gun(shoulder, pocket, ankle, hip.) The hip has the most variety because you have your whole waist for placement as well as looking at inside the waistband(IWB) and outside the waistband(OWB.)Look them up and practice drawing from those areas. What feels more natural? Sidenote: If you carry in your pocket then buy a pocket holster. It blocks the trigger guard so nothing(pens or keys) pulls the trigger while its in your pocket.
Ammo Certain guns can shoot any brand others can not. Buy a box of each brand in the caliber you end up getting. Do some research first! Some brands straight up suck. Pick out the weeds and try what's left. While practicing use basic ball ammo. When carrying you should be using hollow points. These will add stopping power and help lessen the chance of over penetration.
Laws Look up your local laws. Learn them and memorize them. Ignorance is not an excuse and you will get charged for breaking laws. Find a local attorney that does cases involving guns(self defense or accidental discharge.) You don't need to put them on retainer but get their card so if something ever happens you can call a lawyer that knows what they are doing.
Mindset, On Combat, On Killing, by Grossman. Also Leadership and Training for the Fight: Using Special Operations Principles to Succeed in Law Enforcement, Business, and War by Paul Howe.
As far as tactics go, get yourself some hands on training, depending where you are, you may have "tactical" instructors close that can put together a class.
Oh no =( I'm so sorry for you. My friend killed himself 2+ years ago... and it still weighs on me. It seems like you blame yourself. That's normal. I assure you, it's not your fault he died. Sometimes there is a short time between when the person makes that terrible decision and does the deed. Or no note, no closure. If you are interested in reading a book on the subject, I recommend Night Falls Fast.
I think you have the potential to do positive things for other people in pain. Just talking about suicide helps people -- letting people know the subject is not taboo. I am sure you could volunteer as a hotline answerer or do other things to get involved, depending on what -- if anything -- you think is right for you. Suicide is killing a lot of people, and I'm sad your friend is gone. Keep your own mind healthy and reach out to people.
Again, everything you are saying about your job and Alaska is what is making you unhappy. Not your job and Alaska per se, but your views that you expressed in that paragraph.
> I cant afford therapy.
Good news! You can do REBT exercises by yourself. Can you afford to spend $10 on a book that'll teach you how? (The shipping is probably a bit pricey if you're having it sent to Alaska, but it'll still be much cheaper than a therapy session.)
And yeah, I know the title sounds like a bullshit self-help book. It's not. Trust me, the title is by far the worst thing about the book.
Final Exit. Never read it myself, but I do recall it stirring up controversy for that reasons.
I remember this book from a few years back.
http://www.amazon.ca/Final-Exit-Third-Edition-Self-Deliverance/dp/0385336535
Here is the audio of the event of the mass suicide.
Audio
Documentory about it. Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple (2006): Video
Book on the subject. Seductive Poison: A Jonestown Survivor's Story of Life and Death in the People's Temple: Book
You might read "Seductive Poison" by Deborah Layton. She accounts her story on how she was lured into a cult and how she survived.
http://www.amazon.com/Seductive-Poison-Jonestown-Survivors-Peoples/dp/0385489846/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1373763381&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=seductive+Poison
i dont really know in which direction you are going fore
For music and kind of a gay scene:
A cool one about a lesbian women trying to analyse her fathers suicide (and homosexual tendencies)
I've noticed a few on my library shelves, but haven't read them all yet:
Fun Home by Alison Bechdel. It's Bechdel's memoir about her father, and an excellent read. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0618871713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_zF8HzbJGXQY79
The Lives of Sacco and Vanzetti by Rick Geary. It covers a milestone legal case in 20th century US. https://www.amazon.com/Lives-Vanzetti-Treasury-Century-Murder/dp/1561639362
Understanding Comics by Scott McCloud. It's a text on the nature of comics, in graphic novel form. It's a classic. https://www.amazon.com/dp/006097625X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_sO8HzbDMZF7EJ
The Book of Genesis, illustrated by R. Crumb. He illustrated the entire text of this book of the bible. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0393061027/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_8U8HzbZBERQNM
And here's a good list from The Atlantic Monthly: https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2011/08/comic-books-as-journalism-10-masterpieces-of-graphic-nonfiction/243351/ (I've read and enjoyed a couple of these titles, so I feel safe in assuming the others are just as good)
[Breaks through wall]
HAVE I GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU! Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic is a comic I have yet to read, but am suggesting it because I'm a bit obsessed with the musical adaption (which is just called Fun Home and is 100% worth looking into!). I have to throw it out here.
The author, Alison Bechdel, has other comics too! Here are some of them.
You mean like this?
They aren't textbooks, but they do have information to learn in them.
Here are a couple of things on my reading list:
Why People Die By Suicide by Thomas Joiner
How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo
Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg
My book list focus both on theme and authors. Obviously I went through a pretty depressed phase (hence all the deeply brooding novels). Still, I think that these female authors gave me a sense of empowerment in my young age by the sheer genius of their work. It was refreshing to read books by women I admired as well as for themes I was interested in.
And the book that taught me the most about sexuality and my body?
In defense of this book, I am not poly-amorous. I really think every female should read it. Great advice on overcoming jealousy, loving your body, and enjoying your sexuality.
Did you quit your medication working together with your doc? It is not recomended to quit "alone".
It took me some years actually to feel that my head was "functioning" again. But - I have Bechterev as well - and with physical pain I have learned that the more I focus on it - the more colours of the pain I experience.
Things do take time. I didn't even have a morning erection for some years - and I guess you don't wanna know - but now I wake up in a small Tipi every morning :)
If you are bioplar then quitting bipolar meds will not remove it. What medication did you take and what is your plan now?
Please contact your doctor and have a sit down. Explain why you didn't like the meds - it usually take some time before you find the right mix!
Have you read this book?
An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
http://www.amazon.com/An-Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Madness/dp/0679763309
Have you read An Unquiet Mind by Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison yet? She is one of the most well known clinical psychologists and actually helped author the main medical reference books for the inner workings of the disorder. She is also a patient and still struggles with BP1. The book covers her discovery/diagnosis, reluctance to Lithium therapy, and some very well described manic episodes direct from the horse's mouth.
It's totally cool and you can rant as much as you want :)
I feel lucky, the third anti psychotic drug I tried worked really well for me. I function normally when I take it, the entire world isn't watching me anymore and my next door neighbours isn't trying making elaborate plots to ruin my life or kill me anymore.
You should read this book, really. I read it because of my interest in mental conditions after going through the worst years of my own psychological trials.
https://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309
I hope everything works out for you, really do!
There's a lot of literature available these days;
These three come to mind, the most frequently recommended ones. I've read the first one and it explains a lot of how someone who suffers from BP I (or manic-depressive illness) leads his or her life.
Other than that, reading about other People's Experience that have lived and live with this illness may prove helpful as well. You can find a lot of very useful insight into what bipolar disorder really implies in this subrredit.
Finally, above all, take your time to listen to her, truly do, and do your best to understand what is going through her mind. We experience very complicated feelings and emotions, incredibly extreme at times, so be aware of that. This doesn't mean we are crazy though, it only means we are more "sensitive", if you will, which means being understanding, compassionate, loving and caring play a huge role in a relationship.
You'll catch the drift quickly enough, trust me, and then it'll be just like any other relationship, with the possible hiccup here and there.
Few people care to understand this illness, glad you're doing so. An example to follow, if I may.
http://www.amazon.com/An-Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Madness/dp/0679763309
> Have read hundreds of books in the self help and eastern philosophy category, but these days they don't do anything for me.
It's very low quality literature.
Sounds like you would like Martha Nussbaum, she is a very well respected scholar and has written a lot on the Ancient philosophy (ethics mostly), including stoicism (somewhat critically) - in a manner that is also relevant for the person living today. I am thinking of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
> Would like to read something that was written by people who were severely depressed or overcame tragedy.
Then you should probably look at autobiographies or empirical research into depression (1, 2, the author is a clinical psychologist). Philosophy is aiming at maximally objective, reason based interpretation and argument, not interpretation of the past ethical theories based on their personal feelings.
Edit: also, I haven't read this myself, however, it crossed my mind as something that might interest you.
I found that book to be really good. I have a printed copy. Another one that is an interesting read is
https://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309
Unquiet Mind written by one of the leaders in bipolar Kay Jamison who is actually someone diagnosed with bp and in the medical community. It discusses her coming to reality she has bp and how it impacted her life
An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison
http://www.amazon.com/An-Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Madness/dp/0679763309
Not a guide for coping with bipolar, but a well-written memoir from a woman with the disorder. I found it to be relatable/helpful.
If you aren't ready to talk to someone, you might like the book I Don't Want To Talk About It by Terrence Real Amazon link to book
It discusses EXACTLY what you've been through, and gives you an outside perspective, and is about making YOU better.
My dad wasn't an alcoholic, but my dad's dad was. And it's something my dad carried with him as an adult, and passed down to me.
You can get better. You can be better. You probably aren't thinking about much of a future right now, but you'll want to learn about hot to stop the cycle from being passed to your own son in the future.
If you don't have the money for the book PM me your details and I'll send you a copy.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this but you're very caring to reach out to try to find ways to help him.
I had this too growing up, parents screaming at each other all the time. It resulted in me suppressing my own emotions and always working as the peacekeeper in the house between my own parents. And part of the problem was that it made me extremely passive aggressive in dealing directly with them because I didn't want to provoke their anger. So my own needs got completely buried and over time I found i couldn't even figure out what I wanted or felt in many situations.
I'm really glad you're doing couple's therapy because anger can be viewed as a growing pain in a relationship. If you guys can figure this out it will make your relationship even stronger. The problem is the anger pushes you apart. So you want to find ways to communicate that help him alleviate the anger and bring you closer together through sharing and mutual understanding. The best way to do that I have found is in Getting Together and Staying Together. Even if just one of you reads it it can help.
It sounds like he needs talk therapy too but I know it's not easy getting someone to go on their own. So if he'll consider it, there's the book I Don't Want to Talk About It. It's in audiobook format too so he could listen to it from his phone while driving or while at home. It's specifically about depression but the focus is how the author's dad was terrible at sharing how he feels. And so he (the author) becomes a psychologist and writes this book about what he learned about his dad in the process of becoming a practicing clinician. So I though it might help sort through some of those things for your husband too. He could listen to it on his own and doesn't have to reveal anything deep to "a shrink." He should have a box of tissue nearby because some of it is pretty personal. But it's extremely cathartic and might help.
There's also the book When Anger Hurts Your Kids with direct steps on how to parent without anger. The title sounds incriminating but it has practical advice.
But as the most practical thing, when he gets angry, ask him to go for a walk. Go for a walk around the block before he curses or raises his voice. That's one of the simple and greatest skills to learn with anger management. He has to listen to himself, inside, and start to recognize when he's getting worked up. Not when he's already fuming. But when he feels agitated, frustrated or overwhelmed by work, finances or the kids making noise. He can reduce his overall stress by not trying to control every action the kids take. Kids are kids. Let them make mistakes, and don't expect them to do everything perfectly. That's how kids learn. But he can still manage himself. So go for a walk when they're driving you crazy.
And for you two as well, you can talk through anything as long as you take breaks when he gets mad. Table the discussion. "Let's talk about this more after lunch." Or tomorrow, however long he needs to cool off. But come back to it. That's the promise. He's not going to feel neglected as long as we come back to it and pick up the discussion again. But the promise for you is he won't drop a ton of bricks on you by dumping all of his anger on you. Because you deserve to be able to manage your emotions and not be overwhelmed by his.
That's the practice. You can pause and regroup as many times as needed to get through important discussions. But pausing and taking a break is the primary skill in keeping communications going. When he gets really mad and wants to keep ranting, he should write it down. That way he remembers what is important to him but he's not taking it out on you or anyone else. Sending really long texts with anger and criticism or complaints to you doesn't count. It needs to be his journal on paper that he uses to filter himself. To record what's important but to use it so he's not transmitting so much anger to you.
Then when he's cooled off, he can use his notes to get back to the discussion but in a cool, diplomatic way. If he has a lot of stress, writing things down for that helps a lot too. Stress, anxiety, depression, all of these strong negative emotions feed anger. They keep it fueled up. So if he can lower these overall it will directly help with the anger too.
Anything that bothers him, stresses him out, keeps him awake at night, should get written in his journal, diary, notebook, whatever he's comfortable calling it. And he could take this with to the therapy sessions as concrete examples of what you guys are working on. Hope some of this helps. Hang in there!
Since you're coming from Peterson, I reaally really really recommend this book by Terrance Real. Peterson and other anti Feminists like to falsely accuse feminism of being a movement that runs against men. This book helps describe how feminist theory has been helping men overcome mental illnesses. Without people like Terrance Real, we wouldn't have had the all the discussions about mental health. Peterson doesn't give great advice for mental illness, and the main reason is that is he tells men to double downs on the traits that people associate with masculinity that are actually the most harmful to those suffering with mental health issues.
https://www.amazon.ca/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398
You may consider calling your dad and speaking to him about yourself and what you are experiencing. He may be able to offer you some support. I would also recommended you read this. The author has made this book available on pdf for free. It's a good start to setting healthy boundaries in your personal life. You are going to need to learn to see yourself as a unique individual and to do that you need to be able to set healthy boundaries.
I also recommended reading this book. You might be able to find a copy at the local library.
You need to move away from her though. So you can start to live your own life. And like /u/urbancowgirl79 has said you will end up cutting her out of your life. After you have established strong healthy boundaries you can decide on your own how much you will allow her in your life. Don't forget it's your life.
A resource that’s helped me with accepting things as they are is regularly doing a process called “The Work” that was developed by a woman named Byron Katie.
She has IRL workshops you can go to—I have not gone to any of those. I have only read her main book and watched a bunch of her videos and listened to some of her audio recordings.
I regularly meet with a friend to do worksheets together (go to the “downloads” link and look at the “judge your neighbor worksheet” and “the four questions”).
My friend has gone to Byron Katie’s 9 day school for the work—I have not because it costs $6,000. You can definitely do the work without going to the 9 day school.
I think a lot of what Byron Katie teaches are things that one can also get to via psychotherapy or having a daily meditation practice. I think those are good things to do as well.
One thing about what you said in your post—you said you don’t like when people say that you will find a boyfriend because they don’t know for certain that you will. That’s true, they don’t. But it’s also true that you don’t know for certain that you won’t.
I think people who are able to be loving (towards themselves and other people) can find opportunities to give and receive love, and that no one is excluded from that.
Feel free to message me if you want to talk. xoxo
you are not in a marriage, you are in a horrible situation
“Oh yeah? Well I don’t see many men knocking down your door.”
this is his reflection of his own inadequacies he is a loser and knows it
buy this book move on with your life. it changed mine in about 2 hours (https://www.amazon.com/Loving-What-Four-Questions-Change/dp/1400045371)
Raw.
Really wish we could just beam subjective experiences into other people. This comes so close.
Definitely agree that people are willing to die for "rational" reasons, which could be viewed form of suicide.
I fall more on the clinical side of the suicide/depression spectrum and believe that psychiatry/psychotherapy has gotten much, much better with the caveat that it does depend greatly on the performing doctor or researcher.
To be frank, I worry that people overthink/philosophize about depression instead of studying it as a science, via experiment. Testing theories around depression out in a compassionate manner is a fantastic goal. Please, please get information about the medical aspects of depression and medical opinions from the last twenty years or so and not from the 50s. The history is seductive and incomplete, and I remind myself constantly to keep reading to get closer to current beliefs. Understanding systemic social problems and biases are more in vogue in medicine than one may suspect from learning about racist, homophobic, sexist people from earlier times.
People do often take early scientific/medical theories way too fucking seriously and impart their own biases into the interpretations of results. And yet, medicine itself has gotten a lot better at not doing that! Thank you, philosophy and critical theory!
The main author of the book The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas Are Setting Up a Generation for Failure, Greg Lukianoff, went through an intense suicidal patch and recommended several books about cognitive-behavioral therapy that I've started digging into and have really liked. I'll throw in a recommendation as well of a book by the psychologist Susan Heitler that is softer in tone than the other books and also more focused on relationships due to her main role as a marriage counselor.
I'm currently reading The Worry Cure and feel like I'm looking in a mirror—spot on descriptions of my anxious thought processes. I waited so long to see a doctor due to having less intense, more chronic anxiety and depression and that oh-so-masculine trait of wanting to solve it myself (along with procrastination). Lexapro and now these books have helped immensely. Self-help is a hell of a drug.
https://www.amazon.com/DBT%C2%AE-Skills-Training-Manual-Second/dp/1462516998/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1549169977&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=marsha+linehan+dbt+workbook Marsha's book. I always thought it was the main book upon which DBT is based. That's how it's presented in the groups I've been to at least.
There's a therapy called DBT. You can buy the book from Amazon (there's a manual and a workbook most people recemmend from Dr. Linehan). but here's a pdf that someone from this group linked up (can't recall who or I'd give them daps) that looks like a nice overview and it's free wooo lol. Learning about this therapy has given me soooo much hope. I hope it does the same for you!
If you buy this book, you can get all the pdfs from the workbook for free through Guilford Press.
I haven't read this one, but it seems to be the recommended book if you want to learn more about DBT conceptualization.
Just wanted to recommend a book that was great at destigmatizing mental health issues and antidepressants for me.
https://www.amazon.com/Noonday-Demon-Atlas-Depression/dp/1501123882/ref=nodl_
You sound EXACTLY like me. It's always hard to live like we do, and I'll give you some book recommendations, but I want to give you some pointers too that have basically kept me alive.
I saw so many therapists who did next to nothing for me. I ended up committing myself to a 100% voluntary psychiatric hospital. Everyone was basically in the same boat; we weren't crazy but we weren't healthy either. The treatment plan that they gave us was based on Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which is I guess somewhat new. It's meant for borderline personality disorder, but as someone who has PTSD, general anxiety, and clinical depression, I would HIGHLY recommend any books or workbooks or videos you can find on it. I like it because it helps you treat yourself rather than making you dependent on therapists, etc. It's all about reshaping the way you think and the way you handle certain situations. It's the best thing I've ever found that helps (and I spent 15 years in near-useless therapy before that!)
I also found that reading people's memoirs and even some fiction books really helped as well because they reminded me that I wasn't alone. See, it's hard with mental health because it's not like any other "diseases" that you can see. I think we often feel alone because it's so hard to tell when somebody is like us since depression and anxiety aren't conditions that are readily visible to the human eye. It's a sneaky illness that creeps up on you like a parasite and getting it to go away is a process, but it's still possible.
Just think about any positive thing you can, and don't let yourself find cons to it. There may always be negative aspects to things, but there are almost always pros as well. No matter how you feel, there's always somebody out there who could use your help. If you're feeling really bad, try volunteer work. It helps me sometimes. Also try going outside your comfort zone with things. Give yourself a thrill and discover something new that you can enjoy. I know it's hard to get the motivation or energy to do anything like that when you're depressed, but you have to force yourself. (It's called "opposite to emotion action" in DBT. Life saver.)
Anyway, here are those book recommendations:
A personal favorite author of mine is Douglas Adams. I'd recommend the Salmon of Doubt. No particular reason, he's just funny and it's nice to get your mind off things sometimes.
I hope you feel better. I really really do :-)
Feel free to PM me with questions.
This book is what helped me really understand that I wasn't alone. You can read about BPD criteria all day and still feel like you're alone but this was a trip through it though someone else's eyes. DBT and Buddhism were what really helped me.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Buddha-Borderline-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X
I'm pretty sure it was this one.
You're right - you don't need to put pressure on yourself like that. It's OK that you're not OK.
(Incidentally, there's a grief book with that very name. I don't know if it focuses on losing a partner or is good for a wide range of losses, but it is one of the book many people find helpful. If you feel like you need to read around, this might be one to look at.)
You mean the website, right?
Unless I'm incorrect above... Why is this even here in the /r/books subreddit?
EDIT: Are we talking about this?
Some of these aren't on Amazon, but all of them outside of amazon are on my wishlist, is that okay?
1.) Something that is grey.
[This compilation of xkcd comics!] (http://www.amazon.com/xkcd-0-Randall-Munroe/dp/0615314465/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I12D1D7CV12AVC) Though there aren't any formerly-unseen comics included, this is perfect for the lover of the famous (and always relevant) Xkcd webcomics.
2.) Something reminiscent of rain.
[This t-shirt for fans of Incubus that is apparently out of stock now, but I'm keeping it on my wishlist to gaze wistfully at.] (http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/315rOsJeWzL._SL135_.jpg)
Incubus has always been one of my favorite bands, and all art that the lead singer (Brandon Boyd) produces is amazing, so I had high faith in this shirt being wonderful if I had the money to buy it.
3.) Something food related that is unusual.
[So I typed in "candy" and this popped up..] (http://www.amazon.com/LOCOMO-Rainbow-Hedgehog-Plastic-Baseball/dp/B00BRWH99K/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_2_49?s=apparel&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376327288&amp;sr=1-49&amp;keywords=candy)
I'm not sure what I was expecting.
4.) Something on your list that is for someone other than yourself. Tell me who it's for and why.
[My mom has always wanted to learn calligraphy and someone recommended this book to me] (http://www.amazon.com/Learn-Calligraphy-Complete-Lettering-Design/dp/0767907329/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I35YCU37X7E6Y2)
She paints signs for people, usually featuring newborn babies or pets, and she always has to print out a guide and trace it if her customers request a font for their name.
5.) A book I should read! I am an avid reader, so take your best shot and tell me why I need to read it!
[This compilation of postsecrets-- artistic postcards with secrets written on them-- that are all touching in their own way.] (http://www.amazon.com/PostSecret-Extraordinary-Confessions-Ordinary-Lives/dp/0060899190/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pd_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I22JZDFLS686V8)
If you haven't heard of Postsecret yet, you should check it out [here] (http://www.postsecret.com/)
6.) An item that is less than a dollar, including shipping... that is not jewelry, nail polish, and or hair related!
I dunno!
7.) Something related to cats. I love cats! (keep this SFW, you know who you are...)
I have two cats, but I got nothing for this one.
8.) Something that is not useful, but so beautiful you must have it.
[This key from KeypersCove] (http://www.amazon.com/Handmade-Winter-Rose-Key-Necklace/dp/B00D3S4GVU/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376329005&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=keypers+cove)
I had a similar one on my wishlist but it's out of stock now.
9.) A movie everyone should watch at least once in their life. Why?
[Cloud Atlas!] (http://www.amazon.com/Cloud-Atlas/dp/B00CRWJ5GO/ref=sr_sp-btf_title_1_4?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376329072&amp;sr=8-4&amp;keywords=clouds+atlas)
Terribly confusing unless you see the [trailer] (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWnAqFyaQ5s) first, it's surprisingly appropriate for this sub.
10.) Something that would be useful when the zombies attack. Explain.
[This climbing pick] (http://www.amazon.com/Omega-Pacific-Mountain-Axe-80cm/dp/B002J91R1G/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376330277&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=climbing+pick)
Ever played Telltale's The Walking Dead? Well, one character had a climbing pick that they used pretty frequently to scale buildings and kill zombies..it opened my eyes to the possibilities and dual uses of items.
11.) Something that would have a profound impact on your life and help you to achieve your current goals.
[This book] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Emotion-Thesaurus-Character-Expression/dp/1475004958/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top) for my writing skills, I always have trouble finding just the right way to convey the proper emotion, plus I have severe social anxiety so it would help me figure out how to act in real life as well.
[Or this book by the famous Virginia Woolf] (http://www.amazon.com/The-Waves-Harvest-Book-ebook/dp/B004R1Q41C/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=IHP0D0N718720) just the type of writing style I'm aiming for.
[Or this book that I'm sure would help me with my technique.] (http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Tools-Essential-Strategies-Writer/dp/0316014990/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top)
12.) One of those pesky Add-On items.
Hm?
13.) The most expensive thing on your list. Your dream item. Why?
I used to have this on my list, but a [Geiger counter] (http://www.amazon.com/Radex-RD1503-RADEX-Radiation-Detector/dp/B00051E906/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376331004&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=geiger+counter) because I'm paranoid about radiation and etc. Deleted it off my list because it's not useful for everyday life.
14.) Something bigger than a bread box. EDIT A bread box is typically similar in size to a microwave.
I got nothing on my list.
15.) Something smaller than a golf ball.
[These socks] (http://www.amazon.com/Portal-Chells-Aperture-Science-Socks/dp/B008JGPSJU/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I2KUOG9B813AXT) because they're ultra thin and I'm sure they could be crumpled up that small.
16.) Something that smells wonderful.
I'd put something here, but there's nothing I'm sure of. [This book] (http://www.amazon.com/White-Fluffy-Clouds-Inspiration-Forward/dp/0974512001/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&amp;colid=1KXQQYMQ3MHEJ&amp;coliid=I16LKBYPI8BE5U) because it could smell like Brandon Boyd?
17.) A (SFW) toy.
I've got nothing!
18.) Something that would be helpful for going back to school.
[This shirt] (http://www.designbyhumans.com/shop/rising-t-shirt/13087/) because I find it amazing, oh my god oh my god.
19.) Something related to your current obsession, whatever that may be.
[I've been trying to learn Irish for quite awhile now..] (http://www.amazon.com/Learning-Irish-Michael-OSiadhail/dp/0300121776/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1376331377&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=learn+irish)
20.) Something that is just so amazing and awe-inspiring that I simply must see it. Explain why it is so grand.
[This poster, this poster!] (http://smbc.myshopify.com/products/dear-human-19x27-poster) To see what it's based on, the original comic is [here] (http://www.smbc-comics.com/?id=2223)
Sounds like something from PostSecret.
Used copy of Post Secret for $0.57! It's a touching realization that we are not alone!
http://amzn.com/0060899190
Coffee - for the $20 gift! Because I just can't get enough!
http://amzn.com/B00061NJ06
David Reimer -- and it was far more than just being raised as a girl. There was a significant amount of child abuse involved, iirc, and emotional trauma.
https://www.latimes.com/archives/la-xpm-2004-may-13-me-reimer13-story.html
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Reimer#CITEREFColapinto2001b
https://www.amazon.com/As-Nature-Made-Him-Raised/dp/0061120561
>Well, that, and the possibility the knife slips and they cut off too much. That's scary as hell.
And it's happened.
Here is is.
REDRUM! REDRUM!
My favorite biography is hands down As Nature Made Him. As a result of a botched circumcision "Bruce" is raised as "Brenda". Because "Bruce" was an identical twin, scientists turned these kids' lives into an experiment. Is gender and sexual preference nurture or nature? It's a fascinating read!
Yup. It's really an astounding story. That poor kid.
If you like Hunter S. Thompson, have you read this biography of him? http://www.amazon.com/Gonzo-The-Life-Hunter-Thompson/dp/0316005282/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1370561799&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=gonzo%3A+the+life+of+hunter+s+thompson
He's a crazy S.O.B. that's for sure. Also, his book on Hell's Angels is really good.
Seriously, go pick up this book.
So many great stories in there told by the people closest to HST.
Oh I did. It's awesome. I have read a bunch of stuff of his. Have you read this? It's a very good (however long) read. It's a bunch of letters and stories written by his friends trying to capture what Hunter went through during his life.
http://www.amazon.com/Gonzo-Life-Hunter-S-Thompson/dp/0316005282/ref=sr_1_16?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1289500932&amp;sr=1-16
^ I really enjoyed that book. Interesting stories from his associates and friends/family throughout his life.
I’m so excited for timmy day. I’m kind of torn. If he throws 95 again. Then everyone will want him. But if he still sucks then I guess we won’t want him. It’s bittersweet. But exciting. Until Charlie Morton I don’t know a pitcher could regain velo.
Currently reading on killing the psychological cost of learning to kill. Interesting book/study
, maybe only one of a few that deal with the subject. Makes me feel sad for the Vietnam vets that got totally hung out to dry by their own nation. Very insightful book until the end where the author goes off on a bunch of made up sounding strawmen anecdotes blaming video games , horror movies (Freddy Krueger and jason lol) for the epidemic of violence in our country. Saying we are doing to our kids via operant conditioning worse than what was conceived of in clockwork orange. Or any weird military experiments. U/beautifulunusual you are a trained psychologist have you heard of this book and have any problems with his conclusions?
If you want a truly good read, and one that explains this phenomenon, read On Killing by Dave Grossman. [link] (http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932)
It is extremely interesting to read, and helps explain the devastating impact war has on the human psyche.
Random thoughts:
I highly recommend the book 'On Killing'
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
On Killing by Dave Grossman is an interesting one about the psychological trauma of taking another's life.
No, we're talking about PTSD, and we're talking about veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan, not those who've merely served during the GWOT era. This PTS/PTSD distinction, by the way, isn't one used medically or scientifically. Most of the time, when we say "posttraumatic stress," we're talking about PTSD. The VA system sometimes uses a kind of made-up non-diagnosis called "PTSS," for posttraumatic stress syndrome," denoting a subclinical level of posttraumatic stress symptoms. There's also plain old acute combat stress, which is different in lots of ways and not really at the level of something we'd call a mental illness.
And it isn't anywhere close to "one quarter of our units personnel" suffering--the figure isn't point prevalence, and since most people recover, you don't have anywhere close to that figure actually exhibiting it at any given point in time. Additionally, many of those guys are out of those units when things are getting bad. You see most of it later on--most of the time PTSD symptoms don't show up until they get back stateside for a bit.
Also, regarding:
> For that matter, the citizens of Iraq and Afghanistan have seen almost never-ending war since the 1980s. If your numbers were correct, then those nations would be full of nothing but mental cases by now.
Lifetime prevalence of PTSD (not to mention other mental illnesses) among civilians in conflict areas in the middle east is indeed very high--somewhere from double to quadruple what we see here, depending on the area. However, these things don't fit together in some kind of neat way that would support your reasoning. Pathology does indeed increase with exposure dose both in terms of population frequency and individual severity, but not linearly. Additionally, not all traumatic events or kinds of traumatic events are equally traumatogenic. A lot of research suggests that the combat experience, in which one either kills or perhaps simply readies oneself to kill if necessary, is uniquely traumatogenic--Dave Grossman in particular has an interesting account of it.
I am genuinely interested in human behavior and societal norms. I just started reading a book on how we respond to death, and how that has changed over time. It's called On Killing. I can't wait to read it, and then expand my knowledge more.
I haven't read the book you mention, but here is another excellent book on the subject
On Killing
WONDERFUL article.
I read this in my "Religion and Violence Class".
Since taking that class, I've come to the conclusion that Aquinas and, to some extent, Augustine were right-- violence is morally neutral. And there is a hard path ahead when you try to categorize violence as either "religious" or "secular" because WHAT exactly is religion?
I think Christianity has a role to play not in protesting all wars, because I believe there may be times when war is needed, even the right choice rather than the "lesser of two evils", but seeking we act justly and humanly as we do.
The secular state probably won't listen to constant calls to pull out of all conflict altogether but maybe Christians can have an influence on ensuring we conduct ourselves as honorably and Christ-like as possible in battle. Christ-like in battle? Yes. Loving your enemy even as you fight them. Treating them humanely even as they are captured. Recognizing they are made in the image of God, even if you must slay them.
Here's a book: Just War as Christian Discipleship by Daniel Bell
You may have heard of On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society in which Dave Grossman lies out the horrible consequences of training someone, who does not wish to kill, to kill. The psychological impact can be awful if we manipulate the mind to do such things (although the soldiers DO become more effective. Grossman found that many soldiers would shoot into the air rather than kill another man. The military has designed techniques around this to make people more comfortable with killing but it can have bad psychological damage attached to it.) Think shell-shock.
Grossman cites primarily evolutionary reasons for the psychological damage phenomenon. But I suspect there may be religious reasons. Especially in the Civil War. On both sides, these were deeply religious men (read their journals!) who probably had great qualms about shooting the men who were once their brothers and countrymen, who worshiped, and, of course, were made by the same God. Religion, I suspect has a large impact on resistance to killing.
So violence is much more nuanced than it seems. It may be morally neutral, a tool for good or evil, but that is not to say it doesn't have its extreme difficulties attached.
Where Cavanaugh has it right is that recent, modern, efforts to paint religion as something inherently IRRATIONAL and VIOLENT itself ignores secular violence, legitimizes the nation-state against religious belief and creates a dichotomy which, in truth, does not exist.
Plenty of skeptics and atheists will tell you of their fear of religion because it promotes senseless violence by unthinking faithful people. The sad part is, it is not religion responsible for foolishness. Religion is not inherently irrational. Secular minds can, and have, used violence for just as much evil. Once again, the dichotomy of religious/ secular does not exist because religion, to define precisely, is impossible. Even the secular person, and a completely secular person is difficult to find, will have spiritual or religious trappings to them.
Don't fall for the lie.
Cavanaugh's article rules.
/rant
As I originally stated, you characterised my points in a way that greatly oversimplified them. In effect to make them mean something slightly different than how I meant them.
Here's what I actually said:
> The military trains soldiers to do exactly two things without thinking:
> Obey the orders of a superior
> Find the guys who are trying to kill you and kill them first
I intentionally added the part 'without thinking'; it wasn't careless use of language.
'Without thinking' I then described as a kind of 'personlessness', a programmed response to stimuli, based on repetitive training and indoctrination. It is the intentional replacement of critical thinking and self-determination with military equivalents and culture.
To go back to my original statement, it's about re-learning how to open doors, such that the new way of opening doors (by not standing in front of them) becomes habit and replaces the old way. Ditto for aggressive driving, aggression, and us/them thinking. We see this in pretty much all of the behaviours that make returned soldiers a danger in many cases to the general population.
And I was trying to raise the point that this is intentional. The military modus operandi is to entirely replace the culture of a person with their own version. And in terms of combat readiness, to remove any qualms about killing anybody superiors say needs to be killed.
If you look at data from previous wars (WWI, WWII, Vietnam), each one taught the military something important. In this context, the number of soldiers who didn't fire their weapons in combat was seen as a psychological barrier to winning, and it was something that they looked at solving.
And they did. Over the years, the indoctrination of new soldiers got progressively better at de-humanising 'the enemy' and removing what is IMHO a natural impediment to killing. There's an excellent book called 'On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society which describes this process.
In the current theaters of operations (Iraq 2.0, Afgh) the combatants killed by soldiers in war were often not what they expected. Farm boys (conscripted), children, local townspeople etc. Not the seasoned, trained, fully equipped bad jihadists we see on videos on tv. And the worst part of that is that you know the family had little choice to but to send their kids to war or face the backlash of the jihadists running the area.
The above in combination with what you call 'moral qualms', and I call 'why am I killing townspeople and children', a number of people develop psychological misgivings about their involvement. These are the people I would guess who are the most resistant to indoctrination. How many? I don't know. I don't have data because I didn't stick around afterwords to ask, and because I"m not sure that anybody is collecting this kind of data.
In other people, it's not a problem. In some cases, it even becomes habitual. The public at large having little to no understanding from the outside to what service involves on the inside these days doesn't help. They think it's the noble warrior defending freedom. It's actually a lot more like the psychopath Bradley Cooper plays in American Sniper (Chris Kyle) inventing reasons to kill people as combatants that nobody else seems to encounter.
When you are a hammer, everything looks like a nail, so to speak.
All of that makes it very difficult to redeploy and to re-engage with a population who thinks in a very different way. In fact, it makes it very difficult to engage with people who are halfway on the inside anyway. Just look up the statistics on divorce, spousal abuse, domestic disturbances, and suicide with military members, and it's pretty clear that something is going seriously wrong.
And all of that, going back to my original thesis, is directly attributable to how we program soldiers to fight and operate by replacing the parts of their mentality that limit their effectiveness.
http://www.rsanders.org/martin-luther-and-just-war.htm and
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/
May be good starting points, depending on your particular variation of Christianity. Note that the latter isn't from a Christian perspective so much as it is a psychological.
The way I see it, the job of the military is to protect and serve - killing is an occasionally necessary aspect of same, much as a shepherd and (his) flock, albeit on a larger scale. Yes, it's a bit of a dehumanizing viewpoint to take, but that's partially necessary to overcome inherent inhibitions.
In regard to "a mere man in Washington said we have to or our way of life will end", that essentially goes back to the "render unto Caesar" argument, combined with the oath of enlistment - it's not about liking the orders, it's about following them, and having some measure of trust/faith that the highers have a plan (that you can't see/understand most of the time).
If you haven't read "On Killing" it goes into this concept of Wolf and Sheep in human populations. I don't really buy the 'Wolfdog' concept it advances, it feels like a justification of actions to me - but hey I'm not a bestselling author. I was more trying to make a point that certain aspects of the mindset are still around and more approachable.
Here's the book. Worth a checkout from your local library:
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
First, what kind of research are you using? This will help you pull your key ideas from the evidence you actually have.
One text I'd look into and which is in most every US library: On Killing by Lt Col Dan Grossman. http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
I believe it is the last chapter when he discusses the consequences of violent video games in a society-at-war. You should Google him!
Do some research on killology and maybe read https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
There is a reason we have to train even soldiers to kill.
But let me ask you this. If you think terrorist ideology is intrinsic with Muslims and they all get a nice time in heaven if they die fighting jihad. Why do you think are there only a handful of Muslims actually committing terrorist attacks? What do you think is the reasoning behind that?
Part of it was technology. Not just rifles, but artillery and machine guns were at least as important, if not more so. Even 1860s artillery didn't have particularly effective fusing. But by WWI, you had artillery that could be shot from miles away, hit accurately, and be lethal tens of meters from the impact. That made massing groups of soldiers in the open useless.
Machine guns could be set up in static, protected positions and simply traverse at a set height while firing. This, again, made massing troops in the open useless.
But, training was also a huge impact. People always under estimate the accuracy of smoothbore muskets. Sure, they're tremendously inaccurate by modern standards where even a bad rifle can fire a 3" grouping at 100 yards. But, an enemy soldier is not a bullseye, and smoothbore muskets were more than accurate enough to have been absolutely devastating at the ranges they were used. I think it was in Napoleonic times where they did testing, running a sheet 5' tall the length of a battalion in the field, and then had a battalion of troops fire at it as if in combat then counting the number of hits. At, I think, 100 yards, they got something like 70% or 80% accuracy. At the 30 yard engagement ranges you see in the Civil War, one volley would have erased a regiment, rifled muskets or no.
But, shooting at targets and shooting at other human beings are two very different things. It turns out that there are very strong psychological aversions to killing other people in most humans. Strong enough to even take effect when those people are trying to kill you. Interviews and other evidence (dropped rifles with multiple rounds loaded, for example) indicate that only around 10% of soldiers who came in contact with the enemy during the Civil War actually shot at the enemy. Most soldiers simply shot high, or low, or even faked it.
Two important things fall out from this: First, the military becan applying psychology to their training. By WWII, about 50% of soldiers were firing at the enemy when they saw him, and it got up to about 90% by Vietnam. One example of what they do is that they teach soldiers to think of their enemies as inanimate objects: It's not shooting the enemy, it's servicing the target. They're Tangos, not enemies. Etc.
The other thing is that the farther away from actually harming someone, both physically and emotionally, the more likely you're actually going to shoot. Firing an artillery piece is more an act of operating machinery than aiming at another person and pulling the trigger. There has never been the same problem of not shooting among fighter pilots who are shooting at another plane, not a person. Crew served machine guns aren't aimed at individuals, they simply traverse and fire along an axis.
So, we end up with two separate trends that were at best just hints in the mid 19th century but really came into their own and were reinforcing each other by WWI.
On Killing, by Dave Grossman does an excellent job of explaining this, with references to the original research.
There's a book I strongly suggest you read: On Killing
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
The fire rate (actually engaging the enemy) went from 10% in WW2 to over 90% in Vietnam.
Reccomended Reading: On Killing by Lt. Col. David Grossman.
It's a book about the psychological costs, consequences, and ramifications of killing, atrocity, and wartime stress. It goes into details about causes, prevention, and all sorts of details. It's a must read, even if you don't need to research the topic.
Show him stuff by Dave Grossman
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Haven't read this book since high school, but I think it might touch on some of what he's talking about:
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
I'm not entirely sure if this is something you're looking for, but Lt. Col. Dave Grossman is a psychologist and a veteran who has specialized in researching what makes shooters tick. His two (the only ones I'm aware of at this moment ... both great reads) works are titled On Killing and On Combat.
If anything they may be able to point you in the right direction of more research and studies that have already been conducted.
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
As you have an interest in how war affects the warrior, may I draw your attention to 'On Killing' by Lt.Col.Dave Grossman; you may find it to be of interest.
This book takes a close look at the emotional effects of killing (esp on soldiers). For people who are curious enough about the topic to read a book on it, I'd recommend this one.
It depends on your psychological makeup. People who end up being snipers and racking up lots of kills tend to be less susceptible to trauma resulting from their actions. Close kills cause more trauma for the average soldier, and the messier and closer the kill, the deeper the trauma. Really, the best way to kill your neighbour in this circumstance would be to get a bunch of other neighbours together and kill him by firing squad, through the living room window, where you never see the blood or the body afterwards, and you don't know who got off the killshot.
Edit: Ref. http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0316040932
I was a soldier for five years in the U.S. Army several years ago. Fortunately I never was placed in a position where I had to kill anyone directly. The absolute best thing you can do is read this book:
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1_bnp_1_pap?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1375219262&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+killing
It will put you way ahead of the mind games they are about to pull on you in your training. You will still be effected. You will still be changed. This will just let you know how and why.
I hope it helps you. It's not Buddhist in any way. If you can't afford it, let me know through PM and I will get it for you.
This is really interesting. Do you have any responses to what Lt. Dave Grossman writes in his book? In case you haven't read it, you can pop in to a book store and catch the first couple chapters if you like; that's the part I'm referring to. I really would love to hear something from someone who disagrees with him and actually has an experience to back it up instead of an armchair opinion.
I would suggest you read On Killing by Dave Grossman. It costs about $7 used, plus shipping. It's pretty good.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
As far as being hesitant about killing fellow countrymen there is an interesting section of the book "On killing" that deals just with that.
The book said the accuracy of shots in battle was something like 60% less accurate than the norm. It also talked about the increasing accuracy and willingness to kill over the years as the military progressed to targets that looked more and more human-like.
Not all history but very interesting read.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
I knew someone was going to beat me to posting that link. Its a VERY good read. I would also recommend you read On Killing if you are going to carry.
Seems it might be [this] (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0316040932?pc_redir=1408591339&amp;robot_redir=1)
Try reading Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide.
It's well written and one of the best comprehensive studies on suicide you'll find.
Just make sure you're in a 'safe' state of mind before you read it.
> As soon as I read the phrase "poster girl" I knew I wouldn't like this woman.
Redfield Jamieson back in 1999 or 2000 wrote a book called Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide possibly one of the classics to date on the subject, albeit coming from a preventionist perspective. I've read quite a few books on the subject but they've mostly been from a pro-choice perspective, hence I've managed to give this one a wide berth so far.
I would strongly recommend seeing if you can find a psychologist in your area that does cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Ask your doctor/counselor for recommendations, search online, etc.
In the mean time I'd also recommend you pick up a copy of one of David Burns books on CBT. If you're anything like me, you may have to force yourself to do some of the exercises, but it's definitely worth it.
Recommended reading for these folks:
http://www.amazon.com/Final-Exit-Third-Practicalities-Self-Deliverance/dp/0385336535/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1212456493&amp;sr=8-1
I would go back and re-read this book: http://amzn.com/0385336535 , and follow its step-by-step guide to the cleanest, most painless, most ethical way to go about it. (It's quite a clever method, actually.)
I'm a librarian, and we have a running joke that when this book is checked out, we'll have to go ahead and buy a new one 'cause it won't be returned. LOL
I think this is probably the most interesting book on my Books WL. Seductive Poison: A Jonestown Survivor's Story. I think there are so many sides to one story, so many accounts of the same events. but with this, so many of those who could have told their stories, died, and their accounts along with them. I am a huge non-fiction nerd and a history buff, and I would love to read this book.
Thank you for hosting a book contest.
I highly recommend the book 'Seductive Poison' if you're interested in finding out more about it. It's a really crazy story.
lol no. Around the time it happened a group of us were hanging out at our local middle schools playground smoking weed, late at night and saw a bunch of people wearing all black and had white shoes.... They were doing a weird dance on the baseball part of the field for a few minutes then ran off.
There were 4 or 5 of us and I remember we all saw it, so it wasn't just me being paranoid... And I fucking hate weed because this sort of crap happens every time I smoke, but everyone else saw it too, so a fond childhood memory.
Anyways, I'm currently dealing with 2 family members sucked up into a cult and the whole incident popped into my head a week ago, so; make a random reddit handle (I have 50 or so.)
I have a wavy recollection of that incident, maybe one day I'll look more into it, for now I have reality to deal with. :/
I'm sure you've heard of Jim Jones, I randomly stumbled on this book at a goodwill a long time ago, very good read on an actual cult survivor.
Penny books for the win!
I think this would be a really interesting read, I'm fascinated by weird stuff, what can I say?
Curses (or anything else by Kevin Huizenga)
Fun Home
Epileptic
For narrative/creative non-fiction, I would recommend the memoir Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic by Alison Bechdel. It also has a very well-received sequel that I haven't had the chance to read yet called Are You My Mother: A Comic Drama.
A lot of good ones here. Not action packed, but Fun Home by Alison Bechdel is one of the best-written graphic novels I've ever read.
http://www.amazon.com/Why-People-Suicide-Thomas-Joiner/dp/0674025490/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1372193494&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=why+people+die+by+suicide
http://www.amazon.com/Myths-about-Suicide-Thomas-Joiner/dp/0674061985/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1372193494&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=why+people+die+by+suicide
GROUP THERAPY:
Title: The College Counselor's Guide to Group Psychotherapy
Editors: Michele D. Ribeiro, Josh M. Gross, and Marcee M. Turner
Link: https://www.crcpress.com/The-College-Counselors-Guide-to-Group-Psychotherapy/Ribeiro-Gross-Turner/p/book/9781138681965
Title: Attachment in Group Psychotherapy
Author: Cheri Marmarosh
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Group-Psychotherapy-Cheri-Marmarosh/dp/1433813211
Title: The Interpersonal Neurobiology of Group Psychotherapy and Group Process
Editors: Susan P. Gantt, Bonnie Badenoch
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Interpersonal-Neurobiology-Psychotherapy-International-Analysis/dp/1780491778
SUICIDALITY:
Title: Why people die by suicide
Author: Thomas Joiner
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Why-People-Suicide-Thomas-Joiner/dp/0674025490
BURNOUT / SELF-CARE:
Title: Trauma Stewardship
Author: Laura van Dernoot Lipsky and Connie Burk
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Stewardship-Everyday-Caring-Others/dp/157675944X/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1527694086&amp;sr=1-1
Title: The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It
Author: Kelly McGonigal
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Upside-Stress-Why-Good-You/dp/1101982934/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1527694165&amp;sr=1-1
Author
I'm in the same boat pretty much. Just recently diagnosed as BP2 right after my 21st, and the way i've been handling it is learning as much as I can about my disorder. I would encourage you to look into An Unquiet Mind by - Kay Redfield Jamison. Also meditation and mindfulness really helps me and so does kicking caffeine it triggers severe mood swings for me.
Link to book on amazon
/user/myawardsfromarmy pretty much summed it up.
My mother is on the low-functioning end of the borderline spectrum, which means she has more symptoms and is less self-aware than a lot of other people with the disorder. I was referring to the fact that I had never seen her have any sort of moment of clarity or understanding, and there was no particular point when she was more considerate of others' feelings or less dangerous with money. It just didn't sound like the accounts I'd read of bipolar disorder.
If you want a really good description of bipolar disorder from a first person account, I recommend An Unquiet Mind.
You're already so much of the way toward controlling your mood disorder since you understand the importance of medication. You're almost there. There will come a time when your days will start becoming just normal.
It helps to be heavily engaged in any activity, job or even hobby that is not highly stressful, and has a social interaction component to it.
Hopefully I haven't rambled on too much. Sorry if I have! And I will finally answer your question. The top recommended books across a couple of sites and on the Amazon Best Sellers in Bipolar Disorder seem to be:
An Unquiet Mind by Kay Redfield Jamison being sold on Amazon for $10
The Bipolar Disorder Survival Guide by David J. Miklowitz being sold on Amazon for $15
Best of luck to you, and remember there are far worse disorders out there. Yours is 100% manageable.
You said it, I "made it through." I didn't thrive, I didn't leave with any real job prospects, and only remember instances of my experience. I ruined relationships, had breakdowns, switched majors a bunch of times, and dropped a whole semester. I had the courage to seek medical guidance, but the topic of bipolar never came up. I had quick fixes; taking adderall to get through the academics and ambien to knock me out of the mania at night. In hindsight, I didn't know any better and this couldn't be any more unhealthy. Thankfully, I also exercised and ate well. For a while I even had an off campus job that held me accountable. Still, I partook in self medication (drugs and alcohol) by telling myself I was just experimenting even though it always set me back. I drove my parents up the wall so much so my mother would show up unexpectedly whenever things got real bad.
I wore a mask about my problems. I was the funny guy in my fraternity. I let my antics become a part of my identity. I made decent grades (3.4 gpa) and also had two minors. However, there were many days when I would meander around campus aimlessly not quite knowing what the hell I was doing. Life could have been better. The key is focus, which is almost impossible for any length of time when dealing with untreated bipolar. Looking back, I see my college experience as positive.That's the only way to make any sense of anything is seeing the positive. It was an insular place that serves not just academics, but in social affairs without ruining your reputation before getting to the 'real world'. Would I want to do it again? Probably not and I would more likely skip college altogether, at least right out of high school, but that's a different topic.
Unfortunately, I was not properly diagnosed until about 4 years later. I switched jobs, had to live at home for a bit, sold everything by attempting to live off a motorcycle and was hospitalized twice; once by baker act, the other for extreme mania. Now that I'm level, life is much better. I got a job that brought me to an awesome city, have a gf, nice apartment, and am always looking for healthy ways to expand my horizons. I go to a bi-weekly support group, something I highly recommend. The earlier you are diagnosed and treated properly, the better off you are, so consider yourself lucky. The key is self-awareness, that you have to accept it. If not your problems will become exacerbated. Surround yourself with positive people, eat well/exercise and learn as much as you can about bipolar. There are more resources that you think. I recommend starting with this book http://www.amazon.com/An-Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Madness/dp/0679763309 and watch this documentary by UK celebrity Stephen Fry https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uj8hqXd7N_A Godspeed!
I highly recommend An Unquiet Mind. It's a memoir written by a psychiatrist who also suffers from bipolar disorder. Relating to those who have a mental illness is hard and I think this book can definitely be beneficial to those who have friends or family members who are bipolar.
One good site I recommend visit is http://www.bipolarworld.net/ and a really great book is An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness and is written by a bipolar psychiatrist. Unquiet Mind was the first book I read about bipolar disorder and has helped me to accept aspects of myself that I was ashamed of and/or did not understand previously. Great read for sufferers and friends/family of those sufferers.
If you want to hear a more anecdotal story about a life of a successful bipolar person with her fair share of psychosis and depression, I read this super quickly and I had been having a hard time reading: An Unquiet Mind: A Memoir of Moods and Madness
This book is about a journey through anxiety. The author is young and she was actually inspired by the author of the book above. First, We Make the Beast Beautiful: A New Journey Through Anxiety
If you want to read stories about great leaders who suffered through mental illness, including bipolar, along with the argument that those experiences made them the dynamic people they were with special abilities to be empathetic and reach people in ways others couldn’t, A First-Rate Madness: Uncovering the Links Between Leadership and Mental Illness.
I bought this Bipolar Workbook but haven’t had the discipline to do it yet.
Her book is an amazing read too. http://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309
True, it's different for everyone, but don't be afraid to ask. I was 32 before I finally got diagnosed. But finally having a name for it was a huge help. It took some time to finally find the combination of meds that worked for me.
Some things that have helped me along the way:
Keep track of your moods, and note things that changes your moods
Stay away from alcohol, it can destabilize you
Watch your diet, foods have a big impact on how you feel
Find a doctor that you are comfortable with. Being able to communicate will make a huge difference in your treatment.
Even if you are feeling better, don't stop your medication.
Stay active. Sometimes this is hard, but in my case the busier I am, the better I feel.
*Don't be afraid to ask for help, we can all use it sometimes
There are a ton of resources, here are a couple to get you started:
https://www.facebook.com/newlifeoutlook.bipolar
http://nami.org
An unquite mind
http://www.amazon.com/Unquiet-Mind-Memoir-Moods-Madness/dp/0679763309/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1422734947&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=the+unquiet+mind
Right now I'm reading this book, its pretty good so far. I like watching horror movies when I'm high, however it scares the shit out of me..
Check out this book on Amazon or your local library.
https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398
Bottling up your emotions will land you in therapy if you're lucky and give you a heart attack if you're not.
You think "feeling like a guy" means not having feelings? You're wrong. Not just, "that's your opinion," wrong, wrong-wrong.
There's a shit ton of literature on the poor health and social outcomes for men in cultures where they're expected to be "stoic." In lieu of doing a lit review, you can read this for an overview:
http://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398
Feelings are something everyone has whether they want them or not. Becoming an emotionally mature adult means accepting that and learning to deal with them.
Other people have written really amazing advice already, so I don't have much to add. I second the "find a good therapist" recommendation - but you might also consider a couples / family therapist. Having someone who can meet with you together but also have individual sessions with each of you might really help. That is, if you want to pursue the relationship with G. If he refuses to do therapy with you, that'd be pretty telling too.
I have another book for you to read - it might be more comforting too. "I Don't Want to Talk About It" by Terrence Real was recommended to me by my therapist. It's about depression in men and how it's often translated into anger - and how family therapy can help them recognize the problem and break the pattern.
I don't know what the right answer is, but there are professionals who can help you figure it out. Hang in there.
Thank you. That's extremely helpful.
It seems like you already realize that men can be deeply affected by unemployment. They are urged by society to be providers, and if they can't do that, there is an inherent loss of self-worth.
It's wonderful that you're helping him and being a source of emotional support to him. Here's my worry, though: you being his sole source of encouragement is going to be too much for you to handle and may end your relationship. He's got to find a way to start taking care of himself and making healthy choices so the burden of holding the relationship together and holding his self-worth together does not fall completely on you.
Okay, on to the trust issue. The trouble is that once a serious lie comes to light in a relationship, the partner who was lied to can experience after-effects for some time after the lie is revealed. If it's something like cheating, then it's recommended that the partner who cheated become an open book so that their partner can slowly regain confidence in them. And it seems like he's going to need to do that regarding his job search and his feelings about it.
Because, like many men, his self-worth is tied to his employment status, this is very tricky. You do not want to try to become an amalgamation of supportive girlfriend/career counselor. You need to stay supportive girlfriend. You don't want to turn into his mother, or someone he feels he needs to report to, but you also need to know what is going on so you can continue to rebuild trust.
I would sit him down and have a conversation with him. Reassure him that you love him, believe in him, and want to stick with him through this rough patch. And then tell him your expectations.
You might suggest that the two of you start having a half-hour talk every week, where it is a safe space and you can talk about anything. The goal is to understand one another, not to judge. It's a place for him to open up to you and for you to open up to him so that you can continue to strengthen your relationship, no matter what else is happening in your lives. And then make sure that you have the meetings consistently so that you can stay connected and no one feels that they are going it alone.
If he is like most men, this will seem ominous to him, so make sure that you express positivity and appreciation during these meetings.
Men and women are encouraged to show different emotions. Women can show sadness and be feminine. Angry women are "bitchy" - not sufficiently feminine, and sad men are "weak", not sufficiently masculine. Of course, this takes a great toll on both genders. For men, who don't have access to full outlets to grief, it (like any unexpressed emotion) lingers, clouding your worldview, potentially leading to full-blown depression (potentially "covert depression"). A great book called 'I Don't Want to Talk About It' goes into this in some detail.
are your parents married? what is their relationship like? and your wife same? you don't have to answer me, but it usually takes a lot of intentional psychological work to change significantly from some of the more basic patterns they had.
I read this book :
https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398
and did a lot of "co-dependence recovery". It has helped.
3 kids - 44 years old same job last 15 years
I've read both of your posts and it's clear that you want the right thing for both yourself and your husband.
If I, or any of the other addicts here, had a magic phrase that you could tell your husband which would fix him, we'd all be cured. There's no easy, "this is what you should do" post.
For your husband: I suggest reading two books, neither of which are directly about porn addiction, but both of which were instrumental in my deciding to pursue recovery:
For you:
If you aren't in therapy, get in therapy, the sooner the better. You cannot fix your husband; the sooner you figure that out and find a way to articulate what you need, better. You may think it's 100% his problem. That may be correct, but you've been damaged by it. You can't fix him; you may be able to help him when he's had enough, but your number one job is to make sure you remain an intact and functioning person.
For reference:
Worksheet and instructions: http://thework.com/en/do-work
Book: Loving What Is
Yes, I also have a minor case of Asperger's (now redefined as Autism on a severity scale). Sometimes I feel that there's nothing that can help Asperger's, but that's just if I'm letting myself be negative.
After 20 days or so, I definitely see a noticeable improvement in my openness with people, and my ability to express my true intentions when talking to people, even including complete strangers, to a degree. So keep at it.
However, one other major factor in my life right now is my practicing of mindfulness. Some people get into "meditation," and I quote it like that because I mean it as a formal meditation practice, where you physically sit down and do it, as compared to the meditation you can do in day to day life. I have done formal mediation sittings, and possibly I should make a point of getting back into those, but as long as you take time from your day and truly stop and do nothing, that can be considered the same thing.
Mindfulness, to me, is the process of taking a look at things from your heart instead of your mind. Letting things be and loving things exactly as they are (even if they are "bad"), so that you can then act out your life from your place of true intent, instead of from your reactive mind, which already confuses itself. I feel that being mindful of our actions and all things around us is one of the most useful ways of improving your happiness as an Aspie.
For example, if you are not where you "want to be" in your life, such as the conditions of no girlfriend, bad job situation, poor social life, etc., then the first step is to truly accept these conditions simply as they are! Whatever situation you are in, that is the exact place that you should start from since that is the only place that is reality. Just like if you wanted to travel to the other side of the world, at first it would seem like an daunting task, but if you lined up a car, plane ticket, hotel reservations, travel money, and a passport, then you could just take the steps one by one and go on your trip. The same is true with your life. You must start where you are, and with your life, "starting" from exactly where you are means accepting exactly where you are, deeply. From there you can take the next step openly and freely. If you don't accept where you are, your Autistic mind can easily get swept away in the "what-ifs" and the negativity. At least I know mine does if I'm not careful.
I know this isn't exactly what you asked, but it's what I can offer as advice as a fellow NoFapper/Aspie. I feel that mindfulness is extremely helpful with our condition. If you can do it right. There's no "right" way to be mindful, but I guess you can say there are wrong ways. At some point, if you can sift through the thoughts and sort out the ones that make you suffer from the ones that don't, then that is your answer. There are no right answers, there are only your answers.
Two books that have helped me on my journey are The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, which has been mentioned on NoFap before, and Loving What Is by Byron Katie (also mentioned before). The first is almost like one of the quintessential books on the topic, but can be a little more vague if you're not good at understanding "deep" stuff, although he does walk through some stuff in a pretty matter of fact way. The second is more practical look at things that utilizes a process known as "The Work" that helps you dissect negative thoughts and find out what is really true for you. And trust me, once you start acting out from a place of who you really are, and how you really feel, it's awesome!
It's not automatic. It's a work in progress. But it's great having another tool that goes with you. Whenever you have a "problem," you are in your mind, in your thoughts. Trust this. When something happens in the day, if you feel something's not right, you can apply some of the concepts, such as just coming back down to reality and feeling the energy in your body (Eckhart), or you can go through The Work and ask yourself, "Is that really true? Where would I be without that thought?" It's almost like you can be your own little Reddit, and answer questions for yourself! Lol.
tl;dr Mindfulness combined with NoFap can definitely help you see the improvements if you have Asperger's. It seems like mindfulness can help with NoFap, and vise versa. If you resist the urge, you are training yourself to be mindful, and if you can be mindful, you can resist the urge.
Here are links to those two books, if you are interested. If you'd like and can't afford, I'll buy them for you:
The Power of Now
Loving What Is
Do you like reading? If so, then check out this book -- http://www.amazon.com/Loving-What-Four-Questions-Change/dp/1400045371/ref=asap_B001H6S8B4_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1417124327&amp;sr=1-1
What you have are intrusive thoughts...
Loving What Is
I Need Your Love: Is That True?
The Way of the Superior Man
My therapist told me to purchase and read these books. I did. These books, in addition to my therapy, were instrumental in pulling me out from where you are right now.
I once was at a point where I didn't leave the house. For a year. I barely left my room. I can empathize with your situation. Get those books, find a therapist, and try. It is hard, it sucks and it hurts, but it is worth it in the end.
Suicide is another thing that's so frowned upon in this society, but honestly, life isn't for everybody ... it really isn't. Life is like a movie: if you've sat through more than half of it and it sucked every second so far, it probably isn't gonna get great right at the very end for you and make it all worthwhile. No one should blame you for walking out early. ~ Doug Stanhope
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The following is a list of suicide resources. Please stop reading if you do not want to end your suffering.
Several of the proceeding links are torrents [torrent link]. If you are unfamiliar with BitTorrent, please read this.
Sponsored by the friends of Scott Dragoo.
**
There were approximately 800,000 suicide attempts in the US in 2005. According to the CDC, more than 33,000 suicides occurred in the US in 2007, and over 395,000 people were treated in emergency rooms for self-inflicted injuries. Extrapolating from this data, only 1 in 25 suicide attempts are successful.
Before calling 1-800-SUICIDE (784-2433) [Kristin Brooks Hopeline] or 1-800-273-TALK (8255) [National Suicide Prevention Lifeline], be aware that operators on both of these crisis lines are required to send authorities to the residence on file with the telephone company when the caller is considered a threat to himself (or another person). Admitting to being suicidal is often enough to have police or EMTs dispatched to your door without your knowledge. If you do not have insurance, you will be billed for the ambulance ride, the ER visit, and psychiatric hold. The moderators want you to believe this is exaggeration, but it has happened and continues to happen to redditors who call these hotlines.
If you decide to call a hotline, use Skype or a pay telephone to avoid having your number traced. Never reveal any identifying information to the crisis counselors. If you prefer online support, always create a new account with an anonymous name before posting.
**
A comprehensive and impartial wiki focusing on suicide methods. Much of this information has been derived from over a decade of contributions to the Usenet groups alt.suicide.holiday and alt.suicide.methods.
n.b. Always use this website as a supplement to the books written by professionals, available below.
An essay which explores the right to end your life.
A thorough article discussing methods to avoid, suicide hotlines, ER visits, and the aftermath.
Making and registering a Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK
According to the CDC, 50% of suicide attempts require emergency medical care. Be prepared.
A complete guide to exiting life peacefully, written by Australian physicians who focus on euthanasia research. This electronic version is from 2007. A more recent edition, including all tutorial videos available on Exit International's website up to February 2011, is available in the 511 MB torrent below.
A more recent book which focuses on a simplified explanation of the most peaceful methods. The 2nd edition contains more diagrams, a list of suppliers for components used in each method, and reviews of 3rd party products.
Selected chapters from Dr. Stone's foremost research text on suicide, which is now out of print. A full PDF version is available below.
Anyone considering less reliable methods like firearms, jumping and cutting should read the respective chapters in this book prior to carrying out an attempt.
One of the most controversial books on self-deliverance, originally published in 1991. The 3rd edition has been updated with chapters on suicide laws and inert gas. However, this version lacks the refinements added in the 2005 and 2009 reprints. Please read the latest addendum, available here.
A video supplement to Final Exit with information on lethal drugs and helium hoods.
Dr. Nitschke gives a brief explanation of the inert gas method using helium.
A short tutorial on making an exit bag, presented by nurse educator, Betty.
Dr. Nitschke prepares a peaceful drug cocktail using the tricyclic antidepressant amitriptyline (Elavil).
A more reliable version of the receipe is available in the ASH wiki.
Dr.Kiriyu's Hydrogen Sulfide Tutorial (1), Tutorial (2) (click the blue link once the page loads)
Hydrogen sulfide is a fast acting neurotoxin that can be easily mixed with household items: cleaning products containing hydrochloric acid and fungicide/pet dips/bath salts containing lime sulfur. More information on this method is available in the ASH wiki as well the Usenet group alt.suicide.methods.
An article about jumping which examines the time delay between neural processing and impact.
A feature length documentary about suicide on the Golden Gate Bridge, filmed over the course of a year.
A short documentary about the Aokigahara Forest, a popular Japanese site for suicides.
(http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=5e3_1286805999)
Suicide of a female university student in Syria (April 2012)
Warning: graphic footage of suicides by suspension hanging
An Open Yale Course on the topic of mortality by Professor Shelly Kagan. Lectures 24-26 discuss suicide.
Direct link 1
Direct link 2
Direct link 3
This is a 511 MB collection of ebooks and videos available on BitTorrent trackers under different names. It contains various editions of the books listed above. Always refer to the most recent version provided, as older editions may contain outdated or inaccurate or information.
If the above links are no longer working, copy & paste the following magnet link into your BitTorrent client:
magnet:?xt=urn:btih:MWTIO2OGS6LTXVEAU2ERKUH44P32CEYE
Dying Pictures
Two pro-choice support forums for those considering suicide. Discussion of methods is allowed.
Exit's official web forum. Method discussion is prohibited.
A collection of suicide notes gathered from coroners' offices.
This methods file is no longer maintained as of 2010, but it is an alternative source of information if the ASH wiki is unavailable
**
Scott Dragoo does not encourage or endorse suicide. Scott Dragoo is not affiliated with any of the persons or organisations mentioned in this document. The preceding links have been provided to allow mentally competent adults to make a fair, informed, and unforced choice about a humane and dignified death.
**
If you find this message to be offensive or disturbing, suffer from a mood disorder, are classified as a minor in your country of residence, or are otherwise mentally impaired, the power of Scott Dragoo commands you to immediately delete and ignore it.
**
If this message has helped you, please contact Scott Dragoo by phone, letter or email:
Scott Dragoo, Program Director
Social Outreach Services
1224 S Gilbert St.
Iowa City, IA 52240
(319) 855-8172
(319) 855-2744
[email protected]
**
If depression and anxiety are the root of your issues, try reading this book, man: Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David Burns
It has been a huge help in my life and I got it for two other people who also tell me it had a big impact on them.
I'm 35years old and have recently been diagnosed with mild sleep apnea ~10 AHI. I've bought an auto CPAP and have been on treatment for around one week. I feel better so far although I'll need months to quantify the improvement.
Prior to this I was on a 1 month trial where I couldn't identify how crucial CPAP was until the trial ended (which I've been told is common for mild sufferers). It was around 2 months without treatment between the end of the trial and when I bought the machine a week ago.
Like you I suffered from chronic fatigue, anxiety, depression, memory issues, brain fog etc. After treatment it was clear to me that many of the fears I had were based on cognitive patterns developed while under the effect of a physiological anxiety and depression.
So in plain english, things aren't likely to be as bad as you perceive them to be. I'm not trying to downplay the potential need for rehabilitation because now that I'm on CPAP I intend to create a brain rehabilitation plan that includes the items below.
For you in particular I would do the following:
Beyond all this I think its important to just do the best you can with the resources and knowledge you have available and not beat yourself up for what might have been and things beyond your control.
Good luck.
edit: broken links the bane of my life
Age: Over 60. Severe "drop" in "self worth estimation" @ 25.
First off, free advice is worth what you pay for it. With that said, please allow me to suggest some reading that may help your mental state, semi-permanently, if you learn well. This book was recommednded to my by my therapist. I despise self-help books. This one is different. Dr. Burns has made it easy to find negative thought patterns you didn't even know you were using, teaches the power of (sometimes the power of the absence of certain words: ie, (paraphrasing) "Someone who goes around saying to themselves frequently "I should do this, or I should start doing that...as living a "shouldy" kind of life... OK, he's no Mitch Hedberg, but he is effective at showing you how to re-arrange your attitude, how you address yourself and situations as they arise. He teaches how to deal with anxiety and I attribute my getting off anti-depressants within a year to this work. It's been in print for twenty years, so it's almost definitely at the library.
Being panicky about money won't help. Keep track of the total you owe your parents. It will make you feel better to keep a running total on which you can plan to make payments to them later.
Do you have a one-year plan? That's an outline of what you expect, what your goals are, ideas, hopes, a bit like a business plan, but of course more personal. Go over a calendar imagining the year ahead, jotting down notes on big events, expectations, and have a goal for the end of the year. Now goals can change, ideas can be modified, but if you don't have a plan, you don't have a direction, you're rudderless.
And when your one-year is done, build a five-year.
If I were young and (relatively) strong, and desperate* for money, I would approach the local businesses and ask them if they have any work they've been having a hard time getting done. Tell them you work cheap. You may end up washing grease traps at 2 AM in some greasy spoon, but there might just be money out there you don't expect. How desperate are you. People can sense the "starving-needy" sometimes, if it's real. So go with it. Just don't get creepy, heh.
Hope some of this is helpful, I know the book works, Bon Chance!
I'm a psychotherapist who has zero training in DBT and who will soon be starting a job at a residential program for teens where DBT is one of the primary treatment modalities. I'll obviously be trained when I get there, but in the meantime I'd like to get as up-to-date as I can so that I don't have to start from scratch.
So, I'd like to buy some books. Specifically, I want books that focus on the practice and theory of DBT, so obviously not self-help books aimed at clients. I've found a few so far and I'll link them below (I'm happy to buy any or all of these books, and obviously any others that people recommend):
Thanks!
My therapy group uses DBT Skills Training Manual by Marsha Linehan
I asked my therapist for the name so I could see about getting a copy for myself.
Edit, there's also a companion book that's just the worksheets that are used. These are activities and homework we get assigned. link
I hoped I could find a website out there with downloadable pdfs but I can’t. Instead I found this which is a book explaining all the DBT Skills. DBT® Skills Training Manual, Second Edition https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1462516998/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_QqP2CbG9WHC6X
It’s a bit expensive but it contains all the coursework and explanations for the course and there is a workbook too. You might be able to find more info online by searching “emotional regulation”, “distress tolerance”, interpersonal effectiveness” and “core mindfulness”, the last one might not be so relevant but the other three are really helpful.
Hi there again, I checked with the people who brought out the German DBT book I told you about. They recommended this and this one I really believe and trust that they know what they are doing.
I used to deal with emotional extremes, and overcame this through therapy. The therapist practiced a kind of cognitive behavioral therapy called Dialectical Behavioir Therapy (DBT), which is largely based on Buddhist meditation concepts.
You might supplement your dharma readings with some DBT readings to help you find solutions. This was the book my therapist recommended, and was very helpful: https://www.amazon.com/DBT®-Skills-Training-Manual-Second/dp/1462516998
In DBT you'll find lots of parallels with Buddhist meditation, but also a clinical approach.
If you're committed, you can do some self-taught DBT. If you're new to DBT or CBT, they stand for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy and Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. There are many online resources or DBT Skills manuals you can purchase/thrift/borrow etc. It's extremely helpful in becoming your own guide through your healing journey. Here's some links to help you out:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/marsha-linehan-what-is-dialectical-behavioral-therapy-dbt/
https://www.amazon.com/DBT%C2%AE-Skills-Training-Manual-Second/dp/1462516998
https://positivepsychology.com/dbt-dialectical-behavior-therapy/
Although the skills manual itself is expensive, if you purchase your own copy you can make notes in it to help you personalize some of the skills.
I've attended DBT groups for years and have found it to be the most relevant skill set in my emotional regulation today. Feel free to PM me for more info.
Hey, I won't say 'I know what you're going through', because I don't. Only you can know that. I will spare you the gory details, but let's just say I have 15 years experience with a little thing called clinical depression. 10 of that was with no medical counsel. I thought that depression was for people with 'a lot on their plate' or a hopeless outlook, and my life was going fine. How could I be depressed?
Well, just as good people can get sick with heart disease, good people can get sick with depression. Sometimes, there just isn't a demonstrative 'reason' or 'cause'.
What you describe sounds familiar. It sounds like depression. (Might be wrong). It could be grief. It could be both. If so, there is an important difference between 'going through a depression', and HAVING depression.
'A depression' can strike anyone, and usually subsides within roughly 6 months or less. Someone with clinical depression, on the other hand, rarely gets rid of it once and for all. It is kind of a life gig. There is help. It can definitely get better. Yet, a lifer must always be cognizant of the wolf lurking just outside the reach of the firelight.
I can't hope to tell you which (if either) is your case here, and I'd be disingenuous for doing so. After all, I'm no professional. Regardless, just know that you don't have to suffer alone. You don't have to fight that beast unarmed, and in the dark. If you haven't already doneso I'd suggest setting up a consult with a therapist. (Do some research and pick a good reputation.)
Here's some things that've helped me a bit:
Podcast: https://www.apmpodcasts.org/thwod/
Webcomic: http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2011/10/adventures-in-depression.html?m=1
Book: https://www.amazon.com/Noonday-Demon-Atlas-Depression/dp/1501123882
Just register to the best website created by Hex when it goes live. It has the dankest of memes, all users that have been //dumped\, and tunes to make all the girls wet.
Also, imperator. I recommend reading the book "Hello Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks and Other Outlaws" that is available on Amazon for $11.30, I think you're going to need it.
Loving Someone with BPD by Shari Y Manning is meant to be good, although I haven't read it myself.
This this this! 'Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder'
'The Buddha and the Borderline' is good, but her experience with BPD is pretty intense (drugs, hospitlizations, etc) so it may not be as relatable to your situation. It's a good read though!
Welcome!
I would suggest this workbook and this book for yourself. Then I would suggest this book for your loved ones.
Here is some good information on the different therapies for BPD that they say are most effective (DBT being one of them).
I follow a bunch of accounts on Instagram with inspirational quotes and relatable content that I find helpful. My favourite hashtag being # bpdrecovery - if you use Instagram, I highly suggest checking it out.
I think the most important thing to remember is to be active in your recovery and to be kind to yourself.
I hope this helps!
Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship https://www.amazon.com/dp/1593856075/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_DfjkzbZ7KMGZ1
yooo -- this book will help you out tons -- https://www.amazon.com/Someone-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Control/dp/1593856075/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1IZHJ9NNRSY6F&keywords=loving+someone+with+borderline+personality&qid=1557860540&s=gateway&sprefix=loving+someone+with+%2Caps%2C190&sr=8-1
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if money is a problem DM me i can help you out
I am not sure I understand ...aren't in a relationship, but we are exclusive
Regardless it sounds like it's potentially borderline personality disorder. Cognitive behavioural therapy and dialectic behavioural therapy are helpful.
For you? Try this: book
I have read the first two, and can give my opinions on all three. Stop walking on eggshells has a target demographic, and that's for nons that are trapped in a relationship with abusive and wilfully ignorant BPDs. People who refuse to acknowledge they have a problem or do anything about it. It's absolutely not a book for people with BPD, unless you have absolutely no triggers.
BPD for dummies is good; it's sort of a slap in the face wake up and smell the sunshine book for both BPDs and nons, and it led my girlfriend to try Abilify which has since changed her life. But again, a lot of that book is about surviving and it doesn't offer much in the way of helping the BPD or the non with their relationship. It does describe a lot of BPD relationships and why the BPD (I'm sorry if this is offensive shorthand, feel free to tell me if it is) is feeling and reacting the way they do. I think a lot of it will read like bpdlovedones to you though, unfortunately, as it does tend to place most of the responsibility on the person wth BPD.
The DBT workbook is good. My girlfriend has it and it's helped her. I haven't read this one so much as skimmed it, and what I can say is it's like any other DBT workbook; a lot of hard work and frustration.
The best book I have yet to read (and I have glanced through quite a few) is Loving someone with borderline personality disorder. Seriously, if you don't have this, get it now. It's the only book I've read that doesn't ever paint borderline in a negative light. The author definitely understands that people with BPD aren't evil or crazy, just hurting and confused. I've said this before but I have dated many people with BPD, diagnosed and not, and from the outside, it's very easy to think your BPDSO is being manipulative or trying to hurt you or so toxic you need to run. And unfortunately, so many mental health professionals seem to reinforce this idea. This book changed everything for me, as a non, and for my girlfriend, put so many of her feelings into words. The woman who wrote it studied under the person who invented DBT. She explains the ideas of splitting, object permanence, unstable self image, and so many more things. And she actually goes into detail on how to work on your relationships instead of just giving the all too common blanket statement of 'run away'. I don't mean to shill but I promise you it'll make you feel much more hopeful than these other books. (I haven't read I hate you, don't leave me, so I'm not including that.)
Two books stand head and shoulders above all others in helping me deal with the intense grief and mourning after the death of one dog in May of last year, then another in June of this year.
Heart Dog: Surviving the loss of your canine soul mate
It's OK that you're not OK - this one is about dealing with grieving the loss of a spouse, partner, friend, but I still found the advice to be relevant to me.
When you are ready you may consider reading a book on how to navigate grief. Here is a book that looks highly recommended.
I would strongly encourage you to let yourself keep crying, keep seeing a therapist, and try not to fall back on drugs or alcohol to self medicate your pain. You have to experience the grief to get past it. It's like those finger traps. You can fight the trap but it only makes it worse, you could just drink to try to numb the annoyance of the trap, but the only way to get the trap off is to stop fighting it, stop trying so hard to solve it. That may be a very dumb analogy. I've lost both my parents and I've seen healthy coping and unhealthy coping in myself and my siblings. Try to avoid the unhealthy stuff best you can.
I’m so sorry for you and your family. I’ve experienced the same type of injury happening to a loved one and there really is no way to communicate just how life-altering it is for everyone, including people who come into our lives after the fact. I’d highly recommend the book It’s OK That You’re Not OK. The main message is essentially that our culture treats grief and sadness as something to be ‘fixed’ or ‘healed’ as soon as possible, but really humans often experience grief for the rest of their lives in some form after major events like this. The book has great advice for learning how to walk alongside grief without pushing it away, but also without letting it rule your life or stifle other experiences.
I found the book helpful because of how much its message mirrored the way I saw people treating my loved one’s injury, which left him as a quadriplegic. So many cards came in telling him to “get well soon” or “heal as quickly as possible so he can get back out there.” All well meaning of course, but the nature of this type of injury is that there will never be the kind of healing/back-to-normal people want. Life will always be different. I’ve found that the people who accept that into their hearts have been the best supports through all of this. It seems like you’ve done a wonderful job of embracing your future brother-in-law for who he is, and I commend you for trying to understand the grief his family is going through and recognizing that they will always experience it in a different way than you do.
And the other comments about ring theory are spot on! You need support in this situation, and it’s important to find that from people who are less close to the center than you are so that you can continue to support your FH and his family.
This story is so similar to mine - although in my case it has been my boyfriend with the bipolar to BPD diagnosis. The thing that has helped him the most (apart from having a helpful psychiatrist and meds which he can get over here in the UK on the NHS) is a workbook he got on Dialectical Behaviour Therapy. We’re still maneuvering the new diagnosis though which is why I headed here to see what advice people had.
Existentialism does have its roots in mainstream "to-go" philosophy and psychoanalytic theory/psychotherapy; you can however can call me a structuralist due in part of adhering to Freudian meta-psychology [I support Kernberg et al.'s methodology]. Though, like existentialism, psycho-structuralism in the form the metapsycology has its "ends" as well, which is why I am "switching" but more-so transitioning over to Derrida's deconstructionism and Wittgenstein/Hegel's "metapsychical space and time continuum" 'philosophy of the mind' business.
However, this is all synthesized with part classical psychoanalytic schools of thought into Dynamic Deconstructive Psychotherapy by Robert Gregory M.D. of SUNY Upstate New York Medical School. I would check out his free training manual online if you are ever so inclined. I believe it is the next advances of psychotherapy triumphing Linehan's DBT, especially as she comes with edition 2 of her upcoming DBT Skills Training Manual, Second Edition this Fall in October.
I will check out your thoughts, and the suggestive reading on Focualt that I have yet to get to for philosophers (Kernberg/Masterson/various psychoanalytical bodies of thought and philosophy of the mind has taken much of my studies over the years), thanks for synthesizing it a bit further; but my thought still stands on Eastern spiritualism in regards to psychotherapy (perhaps if you read Masterson's work in which he foretells that Linehan/Buddhism completely ignores the dynamics of the mother-infant relational mirroring matrix, then you may understand my qualms about the unnecessar application of Eastern spiritualism/mindfulness or even Stoicism). I hope to articulate and express it more cohesively and coherently in the future.
These are very exciting times for the state of BPD and for the various bodies of disciplines and their therein schools of disambiguated thoughts, let alone for philosophy as well. It is time to synthesize and integrate and reformulate from classics into something more practical and application in today's post-modern/contemporary times.
That sounds like a great idea. I did the same, I got Marsha Linehan’s DBT workbook and did it with my therapist. I also found this day planner to be so useful in my early sobriety to track my moods and keep myself on track.
Edit: DBT is a type of therapy that was made to use with borderline personality disorder, which I don’t have. But I still found it super useful for my diagnoses even though it wasn’t specific to that.
Can I link to amazon?
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1462516998/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_pDDSzbAZH6YEN
Edit: So this is the manual I linked here first, but I actually have the workbook
Workbook:
DBT® Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets, Second Edition The Gui... https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1572307811/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdo_.BHSzbMNT5YF1
I've been working my way through a DBT book for a while.
This is the one I use http://www.amazon.com/DBT%C2%AE-Skills-Training-Manual-Second/dp/1462516998/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1426856110&amp;sr=1-2&amp;keywords=dbt
There's more. I have a ton of experience with it.
One of the most important things for sane relationships is to NEVER ever under any circumstances ever blame anyone but yourself for your state of mind and your suffering and sorrow.
Never forget for an instant that how you're feeling is up to you and you alone. This was very hard for me to understand on a deep level at first but it got easier and easier with time and experience. People can fuck with you but you are the only one who can decide how you will react. You rule your mind and your life. Only you can decide how to process and react to all you experience.
I learned a lot from Marcia Linehan's Handbook which is intelligent, insightful and full of advice you can use right away for good results.
Most of what she learned was from observing herself and it shows. She knows of what she speaks in a personal and immediate way. I highly recommend DBT for learning social skills but never forget that skills are not enough if they are only covering up a mess inside. The mess itself must be addressed if we want to avoid living double lives with a placid exterior and a chaotic interior.
I wish you the very best. You are not "a borderline". You are a human being every bit as worthy as any other. Don't let the psycho-babble get to you. It is limited. Never forget that the goal of life is to enjoy your self. Enjoy what you are to the fullest. For me, enjoying myself fully at this particular time in my life, involves living alone with dogs on a remote mountain top far from other humans.
This is because there were some very important things I needed to learn about myself that I could not learn while constantly relating to other people. This hermit-life which excludes the influence of others, makes it possible to see my self very clearly. Finally I can see exactly what a self is.
When I was amongst people every day, I was too confused and too drawn into their images of me to get it straight. I do not intend to remain a hermit forever but it is a wonderful way of life for a while and for me it has yielded the most significant insights into what I am. I do not believe I could've confronted and learned about myself as deeply as I needed to while living with even one other human under the same roof. This is probably not true for all people with disorders but it was for me. Don't be afraid to leave the man-made for a while. Living in nature for a few years was the best way for me to learn to fully appreciate and love yourself. Now, I am happy and I still have trouble believing it. I never expected to love myself but it's awesome.
When I was married to a person with NPD, the way my day would go was never up to me completely. If I woke up in a good mood but the SO did not, my day wouldn't be good for very long. Finally, I got lucky and the SO found a better victim and I was free to go heal myself from all the wounds of my past. It has been absolutely wonderful doing this.
I'm the same way. This book really helped me understand the full scope of depression and it ends with a bitter sweet depiction of depression that frames it as not all bad. He says that depression puts you in touch with your humanity and makes you a more empathetic person. I found it inspiring to think about depression as both a blessing and a curse.
The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression https://smile.amazon.com/dp/1501123882/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_YJy6BbRNYD7X7
Hey man, I know what you're talking about. If you haven't already come upon it, I highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Noonday-Demon-Atlas-Depression/dp/1501123882
It's more of a reference than a front-to-back kind of thing, but it's very enlightening.
Copy-paste form my previous thread so it doesn’t go missing:
Here are some resources that I think are essential reads for anyone suffering from ROCD and/or depression
ROCD: Relationship OCD and the Myth of "The One" - Great writeup written by therapists who are specialized in treating ROCD
Love You, Love You Not - Excellent ROCD 101 short book targeted towards people who have ROCD. It's very insightful as it is written by someone who has dealt with it and learned to successfully manage it. I just re-read it recently while going through a relapse, and it punched me with even more power than the first time
Imp of the Mind - Although it does not talk about ROCD specifically, it is all about Pure O. It helped me to look at ROCD and other intrusive thoughts in my head from another perspective. Some of the cases in the book are bizarre and funny, which made me feel like i don't have it so bad
Brain Lock - This should be part of anyone's OCD treatment swiss-army knife!
The Noonday Demon - If you struggle with major depression, as I do, this is dense but an incredible read. The author has a TED talk that is really good: Depression: The Secret We Share
Don't Panic - This one borders more on self-help books, which I kinda don't like, but a must-read if you struggle with panic disorder
I just happened to be going through a list of books for a project, and I was reminded of Buddha and the Borderline-- it's a great book written by someone with BPD-- it helps you to understand where they're coming from: https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1473873387&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=buddha+and+the+borderline
Since your diagnosis was recent I'm assuming that you haven't looked much into DBT yet. I strongly urge you to join a group. You'll find solidarity with the others there.
>therapy and everything just wants to teach me how I can handle living in this dark and lonely world
That's the truth of it, really. But it will help you to see that the world isn't entirely bleak. I see from your post history that you're well-acquainted with Buddhism, so the mindfulness principles of DBT should come easier to you than most.
For example, one thing you will learn is how to check the facts on your assumptions about the people around you. Take "everyone hates me" for example: do they really? They do the best they can for you, and care about you, and that's more than they're obliged to do for someone they hate.
Allow me to empower you for a moment. You imply that a razor is the only thing that you can trust not to leave you. And I know how comforting it is to unzip your skin and let it run. But remember: you are the one holding that razor. You can be trusted not to abandon yourself, because you are the one performing the action. The razor doesn't have autonomy, it's just a tool you're using. And that tool can be replaced with DBT skills once you learn to tune into your Wise Mind; that little nagging feeling in your gut, just before you cut, that says "I don't really want this for myself". But until then, just hold on.
Hope is your greatest weapon in this fight. Try and find a little part of every day that you're appreciative of. Maybe pick up a new hobby, get a pet or do volunteer work. Keep busy. L'appel du vide is muffled when you find what gives you hope, and do it often.
So darling, just hold on, please. It's incredibly hard, what you're going through. Myself and countless people here are on the same journey. Loneliness is part of us, but don't let it obscure how many people really care and understand. Focus on the present moment, and when you feel lonely, garner hope in a way that works for you.
Good luck. My inbox is always open if you need it.
Edit: If you have a little cash, I highly suggest buying a copy of The Buddha and the Borderline, written as an autobiographical account of the author's recovery from BPD. It's an intense read, so pick it up on a good day.
Thank you, I hope things start looking up for you. I just finished one of the best books ever about dealing with depression and mental illness. I think everyone could learn lessons from it.
The Buddha and the Borderline
https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X
This book is absolutely amazing. I'm almost finished; it is such a beautiful read 💫
> may I ask why you are so curious about BPD?
I haven't been able to move on from having feelings about a person who cut off contact with me in circumstances I haven't been able to make sense of. The whole time we talked, there was a come closer / keep away dynamic to it. We were crazy about each other, we exchanged a bunch of messages and texts, but she remained reluctant to meet. She was anxious and afraid; she seemed concerned about what I might think of her if I met her, but didn't want to explain. I know for a fact that she exists and looks like her pictures, so that's not it. We told each other our life stories, I never once caught her in a lie - yet she insisted I don't know her, and that I have no idea who she is.
There was a real obstacle that prevented us from meeting. She's married, and not in an open relationship (I am). I was forward and reckless, and destroyed her husband's opinion of me. So yes, that's reasonable grounds for termination of contact... Except that, for the longest time, she couldn't do it. She wanted me in her life, perhaps as much as I wanted her, until...
I still can't tell if she manufactured the conflict, or if it was real. Perhaps both? We had a couple of big misunderstandings where I was admittedly being an ass; but no attempt to explain myself helped, it only seemed to make things worse. I had no idea how to deal with it. Then the final straw was the most banal thing... She argued Romney would have made a better president than Obama, whereas I argued they're both different flavors of the same thing. I called her young and inexperienced. She told me I have one chance to apologize, or that's the end. I refused. She'd had me groveling the past few days, and I felt I had to stand up for myself. So that was it.
I thought that this would last a week. Nope. She said forever, and meant it.
That was in August 2013, and I'm sorry to say she hasn't left my mind for a day since. I can't explain why it must be her I can't forget, why she must be the one who's meant this much to me. It's not just that she's attractive. It's not because she's "crazy". I've been with a number of women before her and after, so I have something to compare - yet I can't point to any individual aspect of her and say, "That's it."
So I've been left with all these unanswered questions, trying to make sense of what she never revealed. What did she mean when she said she was crazy? Why her obsession with routine? Why does she have this rigid, rule-based approach to relationships? She seems to care about people deeply, so why does she so often seem to flunk basic empathy? Where do her panic attacks and anxiety fit in? What of her tendency to drink, the self-harm in her past, her impulsivity? What of her erratic mood swings? Why did she see insults in observations that meant nothing of the sort - and was seemingly completely unable to handle criticism? Why did she tell me everything about herself - and then claim I know nothing about her?
At first, I felt cruelly betrayed and angry. I grew convinced she was a narcissist. But she isn't. If she manipulates, she doesn't do it on purpose. She claimed she lied to me, but I never identified a lie in any detail. I suspect the "lie" was her presenting herself as more "together" than she really thinks she is.
So I figured, she must be suffering from something; perhaps she doesn't even know the diagnosis. I suspected Asperger's at first. It would explain her need for routine; her reliance on rationality and rules instead of empathy in relationships; her caring about people - yet simultaneously having trouble comprehending their feelings; her need for safety; and last but not least, her tendency to burn bridges. (I was not the first with whom she did this.)
So I read several books on Asperger's, especially in females, but it didn't explain everything. I sort of knew there must be something else - or at least, something in addition to this. I suspected bipolar or borderline, but it felt intrusive for me to keep looking further. Throughout this time, I still try to reach her by writing her letters at 1-2 month intervals. I hoped, one day she would reply, and I might learn from her the rest of the story...
But then you posted this topic, and... I saw a lot of her in what you wrote. The article you linked to led me to The Buddha and the Borderline, which I am reading now, and it's just so... striking. This is it. She is not Kiera, but a big part of her is like this:
I have all the symptoms: I have chronic feelings of emptiness and an unstable sense of self. I'm suicidal and self-harming, and I frantically avoid abandonment and rejection no matter what the cost. My relationships are stormy and intense, and my perceptions can shift between black and white at the drop of a hat. My emotions are out of control, I freak out when stressed, and others often find my anger inappropriate.
It's probably coincidence - but in Chapter 8, I chuckled at that the author even has the same favorite music:
The only music that satisfies me is Nine Inch Nails and Trent Reznor's voice crying through industrial rhythms. In the August evenings, I lie on my bed with earphones, letting his laments roll through me like unrepentant thunderstorms. I envy the courage that carries his voice into the world. He doesn't berate himself for pain and anger; he howls. And this delights me, even though I feel ashamed when my own rage comes to the surface. My anger doesn't signify courage; it's just more confirmation that I'm bad.
I'm 17 months and 1,600 miles away from her, and lacking a couple of degrees, so - I can't diagnose her with BPD. But reading this may help me understand the pressures inside her. Why she kept insisting I don't know her. Why she felt she was hiding, and feared I would judge her if she opened up. It doesn't bring her back into my life. It doesn't explain why I can't forget her. But... It might at least provide some of the answers I seek.
You've answered some questions that I would like to ask of her. I thank you for this.
The Buddha and the Borderline is a fantastic memoir. Love it.
http://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1454209009&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+buddha+and+the+borderline
I have been diagnosed with BPD officially for a year now. Prior to that I was misdiagnosed with Bipolar 2. Honestly my experience with medication hasn't been great. I totally hear you about feeling like a lab rat. Currently I am on Guanfacine, which is normally an ADD/Autism med meant to curb impulsivity. I have been on anti-psychotics, mood stabilizers, and anti-depressants all of which were minimally effective and had shitty side effects. However, I HAVE SEEN MARKED IMPROVEMENT since I have started a Dialectical Behavioral Therapy program. DBT is similar but different than CBT, and was specifically designed for BPD. It is essentially Buddhism meets Western psych. I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT HIGHLY ENOUGH. I went through an intensive CBT program before starting the DBT program and didn't see any results despite a lot of effort. The entire point of DBT is learning skills to manage your reactions to triggers. You can control your brain not the other way around. I linked to the wiki page about DBT in another comment, but here's kind of the run down. A PROPER DBT program will consist of two parts, group therapy and individual therapy. In group therapy you discuss and learn skills meant to help you regulate emotions, increase stress tolerance, decrease vulnerability to triggers, and improve interpersonal relationships. You use a textbook, current edition here: https://www.amazon.com/Skills-Training-Handouts-Worksheets-Second/dp/1572307811/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=FY8PYY4YF8P0KGPYH603
and you work through the worksheets and diagrams as weekly "homework". Mindfulness exercises are also a part of group therapy, often in the form of a guided meditation. In individual therapy you work through problems you are facing in your life and see when/how to apply the skills you are learning in group. Focus is on how to deal with current issues and triggers rather than digging really deep into why you have BPD, so if you have co-morbid PTSD you should be ok ( although it does deal with how to apply skills to thoughts/feelings brought up by past trauma). Again, I CAN'T RECOMMEND IT ENOUGH. Also, be careful of half-ass programs. Like I said a proper program with have both Group and Individual therapy. Often, there are Group programs floating around on their own, which are more support groups than skills training. Do your research on a the place providing the therapy before diving in to ensure it is the full skills training. I also recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Buddha-Borderline-Recovery-Personality-Dialectical/dp/157224710X it was very inspiring.
I'd be careful of her. I had a coworkers that came out at work as an abused child. My boss at the time started treating her terribly. My coworkers talked abouther like she was the problem. "Her parents must had had a reason why they beat her." Yeah, I heard stuff like that. I defended her as best I could, but still, it seemed she was ostracized. This is a great book. Hello Cruel World. I think it is helpful is dealing with people who don't understand. Personally, I don't tell anyone, unless I know them really well and know ahead of time what their reaction will be. I'm tired of listening to people defend my Nfamily or tell me I should just put up with their abuse. https://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202
Self-soothing is one of those things where there's a big bag of tricks, but you've gotta try a whole bunch of them to find what works for you. Some of them are not very good (substance use, self harm) but here are some good ones that work for me:
Also, check out Kate Bornstein's book "Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws". Not saying you're a freak or an outlaw (or a teen, prob) or that this is a suicide, thing, but I've found that book pretty helpful in a variety of circumstances. I know my local library has a copy, yours may too.
Anyway, my sympathies regarding your dad and the trouble with your husband. And congratulations on recognizing this as a good opportunity to work on self-soothing, you're right. All the best :)
There's a book that helped me a lot when I was very depressed/suicidal, "Hello Cruel World" (http://www.amazon.com/Hello-Cruel-World-Alternatives-Suicide/dp/1583227202)
You may not be comfortable with sending something so on the nose, I totally get that, but I know I would have been touched and grateful to receive it in my darkest days.
Other people have responded, and here I am, late to the party, but I'll share my experience (some personal, some interpersonal), and if you want to take it to heart, I hope it helps.
Good luck.
This may be useful for you!
There are two books I highly recommend you (and your parents) read:
I haven't read Randi Kreger's book The Essential Family Guide to BPD, but I imagine this might even be more appropriate for you/your family given this is your sister. Randi is one of the leading authorities on the subject.
Good luck, I'm sorry to read that you and your family are going through such a rough time.
There are tons of books written for our loved ones if you think he might be interested in that. A really popular one is Walking on Eggshells. I chose this one Loving Someone with BPD because in my opinion it does the best at helping the loved one understand us and protect their own feelings without demonizing us.
When I gave my boyfriend a copy of Loving Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder it really helped him understand me so much better and on how to help me.
Edit: Here's the Amazon page for the book if you are interested.
I think this book has some pretty good basic suggestions. My boyfriend bought it but never read it, but I did. I wish he had read it as I think I would like to be treated the way this book suggests you treat a person with BPD.
https://www.amazon.com/Someone-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Control/dp/1593856075
hi, i'm a 38/f i was diagnosed 3 years ago but only got help about 2 years ago when i hit rock bottom.
https://www.amazon.com/Someone-Borderline-Personality-Disorder-Control/dp/1593856075
https://www.amazon.ca/dp/1622039076/_encoding=UTF8?coliid=I2TA8ABLC1IRLY&amp;colid=14IKR75RUAJIH&amp;psc=0
This is needed, just because. Thanks for the contest.
I know it gets old, but I just want to start with that I'm so, so sorry. I cannot even begin to fathom how painful this is for you.
Your anger is normal, justified. But I don't know if it'll every 'truly' go away, just like grief itself. It just gets easier to carry, and sort of 'mold' into a compartment that is easier to deal with over time. It'll always be there, but over time you just learn to grasp it differently.
I've never had [human] kids to lose, but I lost my dad, uncle, and a dear friend all last year, all spread apart. I also still randomly, for no reason, quake with rage. Or sob uncontrollably. Or feel like a void with absolutely nothing.
It'll get easier with time, as far away as that sounds. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.
If you're a reader at all, I can't suggest this enough: It's Okay that You're Not Okay - I really can't put into words how much it helped be able to have words and definitions or what I felt and was going through.
It's also a series of books.
I believe for the postcard exchange (and all other 0 credit exchanges) the $20 minimum is waived. But trust me, there are still ways. The shopaholic in me believes this to be true! Like:
For someone who says they have a large collection of postcards: https://www.amazon.com/Postcard-Classic-Hobbymaster-collection-expandable/dp/B002ER0I9A/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1474682310&amp;sr=8-7&amp;keywords=postcard+book
For the Disney lover: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Disney-Golden-Age-1937-1961/dp/1452122296/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1474682310&amp;sr=8-3&amp;keywords=postcard+book
For the psychology student: https://www.amazon.com/PostSecret-Extraordinary-Confessions-Ordinary-Lives/dp/0060899190/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1474682439&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=post+secret
From the one who dreams of going to NYC someday: https://www.amazon.com/3dRose-Greetings-Scenic-Postcard-Reproduction/dp/B016YHAFNO/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1474682761&amp;sr=8-16&amp;keywords=postcards+fabric+greetings+from (plus a pillow for that)
For me, these exchanges are about creativity. I love playing off the theme, finding something that really suits the person and thinking outside the box about it all. But that might just be me.
Momma didn't raise no fool. yo.
Momma raised a lil'un that has a sassy mouth.
yo
I strongly recommend this book [As Nature Made Him] (http://www.amazon.com/As-Nature-Made-Him-Raised/dp/0061120561) about a much worse case of sex reassignment surgery that went terribly wrong. Pre-intenet, parents had virtually no information to go on and doctors suggested awful, stupid things, including especially to lie to their children. Very likely your parents are terrified that they made a mistake at every step but were told to keep you in the dark for your own good.
but babies have died having this done. not a lot, but it has happened. See this book for another horrible example of things going wrong:
http://www.amazon.com/As-Nature-Made-Him-Raised/dp/0061120561
Obviously what happened to David Reimer was horrible above and beyond the initial accident, but...why do this to a newborn if it's not necessary medically? It's just stupid, I can't think of another word for it.
Random books off the top of my head...
'The Movie Goer'
The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl
Gang Leader for a Day
Ender's Game series
Pre-order Mindy Kaling's book
As Nature Made Him by John Colapinto, if we are thinking of the same book. The child in this one wasn't intersex; there was a botched circumcision involved.
I don't see the comment, but just FYI, there is a great book about this: http://www.amazon.com/As-Nature-Made-Him-Raised/dp/0061120561
If anyone is really interested in this case, I suggest reading the book "As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl". I read the book myself and noted are few things:
http://www.amazon.ca/As-Nature-Made-Him-Raised/dp/0061120561
You might enjoy On Killing then.
It does not deal directly with the tech (although the updated version might) but it studies the most basic element of war - how we are trained to actually kill other people. It is interesting how they have found civil war muskets packed full of musket balls which shows that many soldiers were pretending to fire and reloading on top of an unfired weapon to avoid having to kill. By Vietnam that had changed drastically.
I have it and have done a lot of reading on it to understand what's going on with it. If you're interested in the subject, here are a couple of books:
https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Recovery-Aftermath-Violence-Political/dp/0465087302
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
First is considered a seminal piece on trauma and its treatment, second was nominated for a Pulitzer.
The second one is more directly relevant to what you're talking about. Highly recommended!
I'd have to recheck my numbers but I thought they are in the majority, and certainly the more common abusers.
In any case, murderers are a very small portion of society, either men or women. Men are more physical and violent generally, but actually killing someone? I'm ex-military and can tell you as a fact, lots of guys might bar brawl but only a few percentage points would go the distance and kill someone unless and until they are trained (by modern, military indoctrination).
I mean, the vast majority of WWII vets did not fire their weapon; something like the 80/20 rule was in play where roughly 80% of the killing was done by 20% of the soldiers, with the rest getting ammo, tending to the wounded or just cowering and pissing their pants.
It was only in the Viet Nam era that they figured out how to get human beings - men - to kill other human beings. It was a rough start so Viet Nam vets have a reputation for being really fucked up.
Just as a guess, modern combat vets have better training and return support; a bunch of my buddies have done multiple tours in Afghanistan and don't seem more crazy than before. They have wives and kids and functional lives.
For more information, read On Killing.
The reason we as a species have been so successful is that we tend to cooperate rather than kill each other. We enjoy playful - but dangerous - competition.
Using knives is simply more difficult on a physical and mental level to both inflict mass casualties and actually carry out the act of killing. Even highly motivated psychopaths can't inflict as many casualties - the only benefit is the degree of stealth it allows the perpetrator (e.g. gunshots allow groups to know which areas to flee from).
There's a great book on the subject called On Killing by Dave Grossman that explains our basic resistance to killing people and how de-humanizing the process by making it a less personal process makes it easier. An intuitive argument that killing someone with your bare hands is much more difficult mentally than as a predator drone operator, but a great read nonetheless.
3% of men feel no empathy and have no trouble killing. Check out Lt Col Dave Grossman's book "On Killing". Research was done by the US army.
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Great book, even if it's not exactly what you're looking for.
In Dave Grossman's book "On Killing" http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0316040932
he asserts that PTSD has more to do with the trauma of dealing with having killed in combat, rather than on having been in mortal danger. Thoughts?
I recommend all of you read the book, 'On Killing'.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
While I disagree with the stance of violent media contributing to violence in culture, I recently came across the only substantive argument to support this message. On Killing is a book written by an army psychologist that talks about PTSD, the science that has developed the modern soldier into one of the best killing instruments in history, and in the end focuses on how violence inoculation used in training permeates into our culture. There aren't any causal relationships put forward, but he certainly provides some depth to the debate about violent video games and movies contributing to societal violence you never hear from politicians or preachers.
The book On Killing would likely be a place to find this stat. In the book he points out that throughout history most weapons fired in battle have not be aimed at anyone. He looks at the number of muzzle loading weapons left on battlefields in the Civil War with rounds packed on top of rounds because soldiers were going through the paces without firing on the enemy. Behavioral psychology was tasked with solving this problem in the latter half of the twentieth century in the US.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
When people disconnect themselves from others, it's easier to kill them. If I thought of you as less than human, I would have a much easier time killing you. However, it's hard to do that because we share things in common, mainly western values, reddit browsers, etc.
When a nazi sees a jew as non-human, it's easier for things like this to happen. (one example)
So, in order for US troops to execute US citizens, the US troops would have to think US citizens aren't humans or so far removed from them that they can go about the task without breaking down. The book I linked covers that and the difficulty involved.
Considering the US military sees the US population as relatives and friends, it's not going to happen.
Dave Grossman has a book about this:
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Dunno if it's any good.
http://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1324610209&amp;sr=1-1
Here's a great book about that.
20% of all U.S. soldiers were involved in wartime action with their personal weapons (rifle or sidearm) that resulted in an allied or enemy death during WW2. This isn't even factoring in combat from airplanes and mortars or otherwise "impersonal" warfare that might have occurred, which should account for a MUCH larger percentage. That is huge. Statistically, that means you had a 1 in 5 chance of shooting or being shot by an enemy just for enlisting. Your odds were even WORSE if you count potential injury or death from bombings.
There is speculation that the 20% figure is completely wrong and way below what it actually was; see some of my sources below. Either way, even if 1 in 5 was true, you cannot possibly argue that it wasn't brave to enlist.
source 1
source 2
We're expecting them to be easy to put through conditioning and be turned into the most effective fighters, developing good combat reflexes and executing orders under stress. The officers and NCOs leading these kids tend to at least be in their mid twenties.
The logic is you take the most effective age group and make them the most effective fighters and that way you minimize casualties.
This book is a good read and covers a lot of the psychology of it.
On Killing by LTC David Grossman has a chapter about how after the First World War, the US Army changed the way it conducted marksmanship training, by switching out "pie plate" targets for more human-shaped ones. It increased unit lethality 10 fold in WW2. He cites the whole "dudes missing on purpose" thing as one of the reasons for change.
Is that the book?
>Do some research on killology and maybe read https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
"Educate yourself shitlord" is not an argument.
It's a cheap deflect people that like to make up numbers (99.99%!!11) use when they cannot prove what they say.
>Why do you think are there only a handful of Muslims actually committing terrorist attacks? What do you think is the reasoning behind that?
There are also people aiding them and inciting others.
France close down 3 mosques - 334 war grade weapons found - 223 arrests.
Islamist extremists hide huge stockpile of weapons near German mosque.
There are plenty more of links of other mosques if search on google...this fact alone proves that your idea of "just because they believe it's good doesn't mean they do it" is wrong.
Are you going to say this was just a "coincidence"?
That they aren't being helped by the local mosques?
Could you kill a man in cold blood?
You'd be surprised the changes a mind undergoes when it learns to kill.
Destin and Matt should read On Killing
This book was basically required reading in my platoon (1/4 Wpns, Errrah) back in the day.
The point is that while there are lots of first hand accounts there is no corroborating evidence of it happening which calls those accounts into question. Lots of people claim to have seen Bigfoot, aliens and the Loch Ness monster but there is no proof of those either. If it was as widespread as the many later claims that were made there should be something from that time backing it up yet so far nobody has found it. Even if not a photo or footage there should be something that was written at that time which would mention it given the barrels of ink that were used writing about the domestic turmoil the war caused.
So, while it is impossible to prove that it never happened the lack of evidence makes it seem as though it is a figurative stance that many people take as literal. In my opinion that figurative spitting was done more by the government than the population when the soldiers came home. On Killing is a good book on the psychological toll that many soldiers were left to deal with on their own, it gets a bit repetitive in places but it's a good read.
There is a great one of a kind in depth book on whys and hows of killings - On Killing by Dave Grossman https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Read the book "On Killing" if you'd like more information on what war does to people. Pretty horrifying stuff.
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Lt Col GROSSMAN in his book has fight / flight and posture / submit
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
It might seem a little removed and certainly doesn't answer all your questions, but I would suggest On Killing by Lt Col Grossman . Most libraries seem to have an ecopy of it and its follow on book On Combat these days.
Neither of these books answers your questions in totality, but they certainly give the basis for a strong argument for why a military force would spend time (a precious commodity) to train individual skills and confidence. I tried typing out the arguments but had trouble unmixing and it wasn't very readable.
As an overview, all groups are made of individuals, all individuals choose on some level to be part of a group, and most humans will not bodily harm or kill someone they view as a human. So making individuals responsible to the group and giving rote actions (push-step-stab-lock) versus telling them to kill resulted in much more effective forces. As an example we have data on, look at the firing rate among WWII riflemen (the majority did NOT fire their rifle, even when being fired at, and even of the firing group most did not aim to kill) but machine gun teams were wildly effective at killing in comparison. There are other ways to physically and psychologically distance oneself from the kill. The most obtuse I will point out would be training to parry spear attacks, it gives the spear man a reason to think he didn't kill anyone, as everyone has trained to deflect a stab.
Go ahead and give this book a read.
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316040932/ref=cm_sw_r_awd_CRAMub1BEJX95
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
This book talks about the natural aversion we have when killing another human and the study they did after WWII and how they learned to train today's soldiers to kill more effectively. The main method is the use of life-like targets from silhouettes to mannequins. Also the use of video like games for training, they learned this from the kids who played "Duck Hunt". The kids who grew up playing "Duck Hunt" significantly cut the learning curve how to shoot a pistol and hitting the target.
On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316040932/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_nNmczbEJ70HEP
Not a memoir, but On Killing by Lt. Col. Grossman is a "landmark study of the techniques the military uses to overcome the powerful reluctance to kill, of how killing affects soldiers, and of the societal implications of escalating violence" and might be of use to you. It's more psychology than philosophy, but could still certainly lend itself nicely to a philosophy paper.
Not sure if you've had therapy for this, but here are a couple books. On Killing is mostly about killing in combat but the impact is universal. The Body Keeps the Score is an instant classic on dealing with trauma. Good luck to you, take care of yourself.
On Killing.
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1377141092&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+killing
Texas License To Carry (LTC).
First, I learned my state's laws. Then I carried.
Do you mean comfortable carrying a gun or do you mean comfortable with shooting a person in self defense? Two very different things. The former came naturally for me. The latter I learned in 1973 at Fort Leonard Wood, MO.
For the former, get good training in shooting and knowing the law. For the Law of Self Defense, see lawofselfdefense.com . For the latter, read LTC (Ret) Dave Grossman's On Combat and On Killing.
https://www.amazon.com/Combat-Psychology-Physiology-Deadly-Conflict/dp/B00FJWP7MK/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=grossman&qid=1573188536&sr=8-3
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=grossman&qid=1573188563&sr=8-5
Another great book, if interested in the psychology of combat and fighting is On Killing by Dave Grossman.
The only part of the government that is going to need "stood up to" is law enforcement and then military, you won't have senators and house reps doing jack. LEO and Military both are filled with staunch 2A supporters.
Do you really see tanks rolling through neighborhoods firing with wild abandon to quell an uprising? Remember it takes people willing to kill their countrymen over an idea that they themselves may support, some might be able to pass it off as having taken an oath but most will not.
It might be easy to kill people from another culture or another race because it's easier to see them as subhuman but when you're fighting someone who looks like your family or friends, it's a whole different ballgame. Grossman talks a lot about this in his book.
>Changing the tool used to commit violence doesn't help us
You might want to do some reading on this, kid. Start with military experts, for example:
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
Military parades are proven to dramatically inhibit the development of PTSD in returning servicemen.
I am so surprised that with all the talk of needing better mental health services in this country this isn't a widely known fact. It is a chapter in the heavily researched book [On Killing.] (https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932)
If this parade became a regular thing it could be a step in saving countless veterans from suicide and depression.
Came here to find "On Killing" and here it was. This needs to be upvoted more. That book is phenomenally insightful into the mind of people who have killed and had to live with it.
I iterate: read "On Killing"
I read this book. No one tries to wound, they try not to hit the other guy at all.
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
You might be surprised how difficult it is to shoot someone with a gun. I started reading a book called On Killing which talked quite a bit about how difficult it is to kill other people, even with guns during war.
Its worth noting that the author is a former Army Ranger, and taught psychology at West Point.
I don't think there is a coherent "Republican" opinion on why. When I have asked most state that the US and Britain have the same murder rate they just don't use guns which is not true. I believe its a bit of cognitive dissonance.
About 60% of homicides are firearm related which is a significant portion. If you believe what was written in on killing (http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932) the ease of use of a weapon plays a large part in being able to kill. So of that 60% if guns were not available a significant # would not translate into death by other means.
https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
On Killing is one of the most fascinating non-fiction books I have ever read. It deals with a person's natural resistance to killing their own species, how it has affected warfare, how these resistances are overcome, and the cost of overcoming them. It's an incredible read.
Here you are: On Killing by LTC (ret) Dave Grossman. It's good, I recommend it.
I'm so sorry for your loss and how painful this is. Thank you for sharing.
I don't know if this fits here, but I'd like to share a book (https://www.amazon.com/Killing-Psychological-Cost-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932). It discusses how training soldiers has changed so much since WWII and makes a pretty strong point as to why suicide among veterans has skyrocketed so much since the Vietnam War.
Given how much training has changed it has become so much harder for our veterans to adjust. We have to recognize this and drastically increase the services and support that we offer. Their lives and service is too important for us to consider anything less.
You know..... I read stuff like this about badass WWII military men - and it's cool and all, I can only hope to have a fraction of the courage this guy had.... and Yet I then read articles and books specifically devoted to analyzing the act of killing and its 'ease' as our culture progresses over time - such as this book, [on killing] (http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932).
Did you know that up to and even including WWII the vast majority of soldiers never actually shot to harm? This book even goes on to say that the estimate is 70% of all bullets shot in WWII were done so out of guns that were purposely aimed over their foe's head.
So what does this mean in the grand scheme of things? This book and many other sources portray detailed accounts on how the military has specifically developed methods to rid their soldiers of this trait; to desensitize them, if you will. Does that mean the only reason I think it is badass that Baker went down with guns blazing is because our culture as a whole has progressed to this point of violent desensitization?
Does this mean that Sergeant Baker was an anomaly.... does that mean in his time he was an animal?
Nope, but I found a lot of pages from Google stating 30.4%. Maybe these are sites copying one another which is the norm. I got my figure from a book. Possibly On Killing by Dave Grossman.
It's important to understand that when there is a draft going on, the word "volunteer" loses a lot of its meaning. Whether draftees actually comprised the majority of casualties is true or not, the widespread belief was that you would be a lot better off in terms of training and assignment if you enlisted for a 4 year hitch, than a two year draft. The military had more reason to invest in advanced training if their man is going to stay in longer.
I think we all know someone that has been to war and taken a life.
These are people that were, without a doubt, fighting for their very lives. In a situation where it is absolutely kill or be killed, where these men and women have been psychologically trained to hate and kill their enemy, 98% still come back troubled by the lives they have taken.
I believe that without a doubt he regrets that night, and probably even pulling the trigger. It takes a cold blooded killer to not be affected by something like that.
If you want a really fantastic book regarding the mindset of people that have killed, check out On Killing by Dave Grossman. It will give you a whole new respect for cops, soldiers, or anyone that has ever had to pull a trigger.
edit: forgot to make my point
You are right that guns make the physical act of killing easy. There is a seminal book on the psychological difficulty of taking a human life called On Killing.
From the author Dave Grossman's research:
" During the First and Second World Wars, officers estimated that only 15-20 percent of their frontline soldiers actually fired their weapons, and there is evidence to suggest that most of those who did fire aimed their rifles harmless above the heads of their enemy."
Unfortunately, Grossman speculates that TV and video games make killing easier, so I don't buy his conclusions, however interesting his data. Still, it is considered an important work.
http://www.amazon.com/On-Killing-Psychological-Learning-Society/dp/0316040932
This is the book i read on the subject.
Book that discusses that, great read...
EPIC LENGTH WARNING
One way terrible things can happen is for many people to take on small pieces of responsibility for making an evil thing happen. This is all hypothetical and blind guessing with no research into how this hospital happens to be run, so don't take it as analysis, but as a thought exercise, let's say that the hospital is owned by a corporation and the Board of Directors tell the CEO that his job is on the line if he doesn't reduce costs.
Does the CEO say "dump patients?" Does the board say, "CEO, dump patients?" No. The CEO says "Our corporate goal is a XX% reduction in the costs of treating uninsured patients across our network of hospitals."
The CFO now analyzes which facilities have the highest costs and through a chain of intermediaries, tells this facility in Vegas, "YOUR goal is a greater percentage cost reduction, because your costs are overrunning by more than the other facilities' costs do. You are to get this done, period, and it comes directly from the CEO."
The hospital director knows his job is in danger, so he gathers the staff and says, "We need you all to impress upon your teams that the cost of treating uninsured patients must be reduced dramatically. We will reward teams that reduce their cost overruns for uninsured patients." Nowhere in that meeting does he give more than a token mention to the hospital's code of ethics or the Hippocratic oath -- of course, it's a hospital, if you asked him he'd say it went without saying, but the managers hear, correctly, "Forget ethics, we MUST meet this goal or this facility may be closed as too costly."
The department heads go back and tell their teams, "Anyone who is running up big bills for uninsured patients is in danger of being placed on a Performance Improvement Plan. You need to be more cost-conscious. We're spending too much. Find ways to cut costs."
Then in this environment, an uninsured schizophrenic walks in the door for the 17th time off his medication and self-harming again. They know he has family in Iowa. They know the last time he came in, he ran up $35,000 in costs that were denied by Medicaid and were never recovered and written off. Night nurse looks at night doctor looks at night orderly looks at custodial staff, and somehow it's decided that they'll put him on a bus to Iowa, because everyone just got an ass-chewing about costs and someone's going to lose a job if a $35,000 bill that will never be paid gets run up tonight, and then who's supposed to care even for the patients who can pay?
The night staff say, "It wasn't our fault. We just did what we had to do to keep our jobs to keep providing patient care."
The department heads say, "It wasn't our fault. We just told them to watch the costs. We didn't tell them to dump patients."
The director says, "It wasn't my fault. I expected our department heads to explain that the cost-cutting goal wasn't an excuse to violate our Code of Ethics here."
The CFO says, "It wasn't my fault. I just crunched numbers and told them what numbers to hit. I'm just the math guy. I don't make the decisions as to how you hit numbers."
The CEO says, "It wasn't my fault. I just set an ambitious goal to deliver shareholder value by reducing cost overruns throughout our network of care facilities. That's what I'm here for. I'm very disappointed that facility made the decision it did."
The BoD says, "It's not our fault. We invested our own money in this corporation. We just want value for money. All we asked is that the CEO do what we hired him for, and get this business growing by reducing costs."
The President says, "It's not my fault. I tried the public option, and I had to trade it away to get anything at all, because insurers wouldn't budge."
The insurer says, "It's not our fault. We pushed for a national insurance mandate so we can cover every patient. It'll be in effect soon. There may be some continued challenges in delivery of care in the meantime."
The voters say, "It's not our fault. This is all too complicated to understand, and there's nothing we can do about the influence of money in politics. We can't afford higher taxes--we need to save and scrimp already in case we ever need health care, so we don't end up in that position."
And nobody takes responsibility, because nobody made the whole decision, and the person who looked a patient in the eyes and gave him a bus ticket instead of care sleeps soundly thinking they're just a victim of the system--and unfortunately, they're right, because even with a nationwide nursing shortage, the quickest way to lose your job as a healthcare provider is to take personal responsibility for patient outcomes, because that creates costs and liabilities to the hospital.
References/suggested reading:
On Killing
Black Edelweiss
The Sociopath Next Door
Confidence Men
Note that none of these are about the health care industry and only one is about politics at all. They're just about how people work and what kinds of people can do bad things.
and for the record I don't have any connection to any of the authors or publishers or anything similar
Never in any military, but these are some that I've read that I enjoyed.
On Combat and On Killing by Dave Grossman.
Something a bit more fun. the SAS survival handbook.
I've heard that some military studies include the book of Joshua in the Bible.
I will just refer you to The book "On Killing" it's 400 pages long. I tried to get a digest of the main points.
Here is a link
On Killing is required reading at the FBI Academy and is on the United States Marine Corps' recommended reading list. If you don't want to - Here is a short review with counter-points.
Read On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by Lt Col David Grossman. He is a former West Point psychology professor, Professor of Military Science, and an Army Ranger. And sorry, he's on your dad's side, not yours.
not personal experience but might be helpful.
in her book, Night Falls Fast, Dr. Jamison writes that after the suicide of loved ones, relatives are more likely to get depressed and, in some cases, commit suicide.
she also writes that most suicides try to reduce the harm that will be caused. they fail at the last moment because at that point the act becomes impulsive and irrational.
consider her book. she's been there. she attempted twice, but her friend succeeded. they promised to call each other if their next attempt was going to be serious. he never did. that was the first chapter and it taught me to never do the same on /r/SW. the call will never come.
i am half way through the book. and it's helping me be a better member (i hope) of /r/SW.
Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy by David D Burns
In addition to the Buddhist advice given here, you may consider looking into doing some CBT (cognitive behavior therapy) or ACT (Acceptance or Commitment Therapy) to work with your anger directly so that you can untangle unskillful thinking and behavior patterns that may be stuck.
You can either work in professional setting or do the work on your own. Here are two resources that I found extremely helpful:
Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns
Change Your Thinking by Dr. Sarah Edelman
Treat yourself gently and allow yourself time to process and the anger will subside in time.
I recomend "feeling good" by david burns MD https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1567778593&sr=8-1 I only read like the first chapter and it really helped improve my mood.
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>The root of the problem has come from self realization that every individual is, in fact, alone. Everything is done for the individuals enjoyment... so what’s the point of being here if you’re not enjoying anything?
This part here was an important realization to me, the solution that I found out is that I should find what I enjoy and performs those activities to my own lonely enjoyment. this may involve others or just me.
>Also, everything is really pointless. You go to a pointless school to get a pointless job to get pointless money to feed your pointless family until you pointlessly die. The only “point” is fulfillment. If it isn’t fulfilling, there is NO point.
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>Bottom line is I feel like I let everyone down. I feel generally alone and have almost no friends, my girlfriend is changing and I don’t like it. I am lost and I think I’ve reached checkmate.
Here you answer your first part, you should look towards fulfilling yourself you will always let someone down with every choice you make. the important thing is not letting yourself down. going to the left will disappoint the people that wanted to go right. picking chicken for dinner will disappoint the beef manufacturers, wearing a skirt will disappoint the pant makers. if whatever you do will disappoint someone, then why does that someone has to be yourself? it should be someone else.
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Reading the book helped me change my perspective when I was doing unpleasant activities. Whenever I have to be in an uncomfortable situation I just choose to focus on the things I want and try to get some enjoyment out of it. for my general life I just realized that I should focus on my own and I have started dedicating things to myself, I went to the gym and set some goals for myself. I have disappointed some people along the way but I am doing what I want and I certainly feel better for it.
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My solution was not perfect but I am happier than before.