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Love and respect are what relationships are built on. Love means sacrificing your needs and wants for hers. Sounds like you think she's great (respect) and that's a good start but you have to let her be herself and have friends and relationships other than with you.

That said, there are a few different things you can do. First be honest with her about how you are feeling. And don't be angry just be honest that her hanging out with this guy gives you anxiety. Ask her if she would be willing to set some boundaries with this person like not meeting one on one or inviting you to hang out with the two of them so you can get to know him and get more comfortable with the two of them being friends. One question though, is this guy an ex-boyfriend? In my opinion, if he's an ex it's fair to just ask her to stop talking to him altogether. But regardless, don't freak out, just gather more information and calmly ask your SO to set some boundaries.

edit: also, read the book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud it is amazing and it will change your life and relationships for the better. https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/0310247454

Thanks, I’ll order it and try!
link
Tho I didn’t find the exact same product, but I found this, hopefully it’s just as good.

Does it have to be military-related, or about resilience in general? Military-related:

https://www.apa.org/pubs/books/4317311

https://www.rawatbooks.com/psychology/stress-and-resilience-in-the-military

https://www.amazon.com/Roadmap-Resilience-Military-Victims-Families/dp/0969884028

https://readyandresilient.army.mil/resources.html

There are few resources specific to the special forces that are actually any good (I could only find non-experts pushing an agenda with this concept).

Non-military:

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/road-resilience

https://www.amazon.com/Resilience-Workbook-Essential-Recover-Adversity/dp/1626259402

https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Behavioral-Workbook-Anxiety-Step/dp/1572245727

https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Cognitive-Techniques-Assessing-Maintaining/dp/1572241985

Itake this calm supplement i also yake inositol supplements. both seem to help

is this it?

https://www.amazon.com/Bach-106774856-Rescue-Remedy-Dropper/dp/B000RFTCZW/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1510502501&sr=8-1&keywords=Dr.%2BBach’s%2BRescue%2BRemedy&dpID=41khupYvI7L&preST=_SY300_QL70_&dpSrc=srch&th=1

found a link! if anyone needs it

https://www.amazon.com/Blistex-Medicated-Ointment-0-21-Pack/dp/B0048ME21E/ref=sr_1_5?crid=11NZJ6TJUSJVO&keywords=blistex+medicated+lip+ointment&qid=1569859648&sprefix=blistex+medicated+lip+o%2Caps%2C268&sr=8-5

https://www.amazon.com/Shintop-Capacity-Aluminum-Container-Waterproof/dp/B072V98X8G

There are dozens of similar pill carriers.

I have a small pocket size pill case. I bought it years ago at Walgreens. I found it here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0012VQFN2/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_taa_-giCDbQBZS1QN

https://www.amazon.com/Dialectical-Behavior-Therapy-Workbook-Anxiety/dp/1572249544/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1539789836&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=dbt+skills+workbook+for+anxiety&dpPl=1&dpID=51TIN%2B6FDwL&ref=plSrch

The company is called rocabi. Chinese company I think. The blanket came with two covers which I didnt expect. And the material is sort of silky and light

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Weighted-25-Comforter-Relaxation-Naturally/dp/B073X8QSMP/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_sspa?keywords=weighted+blanket+rocabi&qid=1558304990&s=gateway&sr=8-2-spons&psc=1

I had exactly what you are describing, I didn't want to take medication because I was even more scared of them.

Eventually, I found this book, that explained exactly what was happening and why, and helped me a lot, gave me my life back and I highly recommend you to read it.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B009PFN4IQ?ref=dbs_P_W_faw_dp

its also an ebook.

These are all very normal things to have anxiety about. I KNOW how hard it is, trust me. I do promise you that it will be OK no matter what happens. I'm going to reccomend a book I read recently that has helped me a ton. Whenever I get to feeling like this, I read a bit of this book and its like the author just "gets" people like us. Slow down, breathe it will be OK. Very normal things to have anxiety about but this will help you keep it all in perspective. Even if you don't have what you would classify as a panic attack per say, the book is an absolute life changer. It hits on several of the specific things you hit on in your post (Am I over-reacting, am I not good enough, am I not qualified, no one would hire me, etc.). It's all in there. It helped me so much. https://www.amazon.com/Badass-Ways-Anxiety-Panic-Attacks/dp/9090305262/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540500534&sr=8-1&keywords=badass+ways+to+end+anxiety+%26+stop+panic+attacks

Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks https://www.amazon.com/dp/0956596258/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_CywgDbMDPZ21R

Do you like to read?

If yes, some of these books could help you out.

The Worry Trick: How Your Brain Tricks You into Expecting the Worst and What You Can Do About It https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0197SJP0G/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_V.bvCbV7ZY5H9

Short and results-based based


Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks Fast https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0158S7E1G/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_EacvCb8797JJ2

Centered around a method to stop panic attacks and reduce anxiety


The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1626252157/ref=dbs_a_w_dp_1626252157

Very complete. Covers all the aspects, explains what happened in the body, and detailed ways to get better (meditation, medications, etc.)