(Part 3) Top products from r/Mindfulness

1

As you meditate more, you may come to realise that it's the identification of yourself with an emotion which causes a significant amount of suffering (not the emotion itself). For example, I suffered from quite bad anxiety when around large numbers of people (lectures, meetings, etc). Pre-mindfulness, I would become anxious which leads to a freight train of thoughts such as: "what if this gets worse?", "what if I have a full-blown panic attack in front of all these people?", "I can't cope with this". Notice how all these thoughts have an I in them; it's all self-referential and believing that this emotion is you. I found depression is similar but the thoughts are more like: "why do I feel like this?", "I'm more depressed than everyone else", "I'm not normal; I'm going to be like this forever".

The aim of mindfulness is to accept our emotions, but probably more importantly is to also change how we relate to our emotions and this is the aspect which takes time, patience and persistance. So please, please, please, keep on meditating!

> I almost don't want to accept my sad emotions

I understand this and is extremely difficult. To completely give in to your emotions is almost an art. Try it as a sort of "experiment" if sadness comes up in meditation; try to completely let the sadness in. See how it feels in your body, if it creates any tension, where it sits, if there's a change in breathing, if there's a change in temperature etc.

2

This probably will happen to a certain extent, but I would argue that this brings a freedom that the majority of the population is unaware from.

The next time you're on a train/bus or at a party, have a look at the people around you. A lot of people going to work are grasping for that next step up the career ladder or that pay rise, hoping it will be them happiness when they are at the top or can afford those new, more expensive shoes they've always wanted. People are driven by thought processes which ultimately won't make them happy. Again with people at a party; how many people look at ease? You have people desperately trying to fit in, which is fueled by feelings of anxiety and fear of failure. You have people desperately trying to be "cool", to fulfill this story/narrative that they are cool and popular. If not, their identity crumbles and they are miserable.

Mindfulness helps us step out of our own narrative and truly live. Instead of focusing on money, status, intellectualism, athleticism, etc, you can simply be here now. This will generally make you more compassionate as well.

I would argue that the less we identify with the self, the more freedom we have. I had a similar crisis of identity when I started meditating. I was a keen athlete and was always striving for better and faster. After meditating for a while though, I realised that this was primarily driven by anxiety and feel of failure. All of a sudden I had zero motivation to train and compete! What was the point? To me it didn't matter anymore. This was problematic as exercise really helped my mental health. The solution I found was to carry on training/exercising, but this time the aim was to simply enjoy the process. Be present in my training sessions. Explore how my body reacts during training and racing. Fully give in to the process of competing, while trying not to identify which the outcome/results too much (I'm still not great at this last bit, as I still place a lot of my self-worth in how I perform. I'm slowly getting better though).

What I'm trying to say is that you can carry on doing the hobbies/activities you enjoy, but approach them with a different outlook.

3

I've experiences space distortion (e.g. the floor underneath me falling away which was very weird and intense) but never hallucination so I can't really help you there. However, if you want to systematically and carefully explore meditation further step-by-step, then I cannot recommend enough The Mind Illuminated by Dr John Yates (which is completely free of religion and jargon which is refreshing). In my opinion, Eckharte Tolle's book is a waste of space and there are better books on being mindful:

• Wherever You Go, There You Are
  
• Mindfulness In Plain English
  
  
• Mindfulness: Finding Peace in a Frantic World
  
  The first two books are more about the essence of mindfulness and the third is more of a step-by-step guide to mindfulness written by a brilliant researcher here in Oxford. Russ Harris' books on ACT are fantastic :)
  
  Edit: One last thing I wanted to say about the negative effects of mindfulness is that my motivation to work towards my PhD also took a hit when I started meditating. Again, a lot of my motivation for my PhD was anxiety and fear or failure, and once I identified with these emotions less and less, the less I worried about working hard. This again is slow progress but I'm trying to switch emphasis in my work from achieve, achieve, achieve, to enjoying and savouring the process. It's difficult though with periods of high-pressure and deadlines!
  

I'm not knowledgeable enough to really expound on the differences, but I'll throw down some resources that helped me:

• Full Catastrophe Living, by Jon Kabat-Zinn
  
• Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn (JKZ is like the father/grandfather of the Western Psychology Mindfulness based stress reduction movement. Of these two, Wherever You Go is easier to read, but I find JKZ's writing to be a bit dry overall.)
  
• Radical Acceptance, by Tara Brach (A good next-step once you have the basics of Mindfulness down.)
  
• Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction Workbook, this is the book my teacher used in her MBSR (mindfulness based stress-reduction) class. It's nice and easy and comes with a CD of guided meditation.
  
  If this all piques your interest, I really recommend attending a MBSR class to learn a bunch of different techniques and to discuss it with other people who are doing it at the same time. It's similar to exercise in that you can get started on your own, but if you want to get more "skilled" you should look to find a mentor to help you process and suggest new techniques that might help you improve.

You can get the collected works of Ramana Maharishi here:

The Collected Works of Ramana Maharshi https://www.amazon.com/dp/0877289077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_Pp-TAbYXA9FVD


There is also the work of Gary Weber :

Happiness Beyond Thought: A Practical Guide to Awakening https://www.amazon.com/dp/0595418562/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_js-TAb9HZYBP8

Evolving Beyond Thought: Updating Your Brain's Software https://www.amazon.com/dp/197972377X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_Ls-TAb76XWV5B

Self Inquiry is something that is done continuously through out the day along with sitting meditation.

To gauge progress, there are a few things to pay attention to:

1. Self referential thoughts will gradually stop along with practice conversations in the mind... the constant internal babbling in the mind.
   
   
2. Attention will remain on this precise instant in time creating a continuous flow of Now. Notice how the mind is constantly imaging an I/me/person in the past and future. This will subside.
   
   Find the feeling of “I” and focus on it as if it were the most fascinating and important thing ever experienced. The mind can only hold one thought at a time. If all attention is on the “I” thought/feeling then no other thought can appear and the mind will stop. The “I” thought is the root of all other thoughts... all thoughts emerge and grow out of the “I” thought. Keep the mind locked on the root and notice when it starts to grow and spread into other thoughts... let go of growing thought and return to “I”. As a side note, this is not the practice of repeating the word “I” over and over... it is the feeling of “I”.
   
   At first this requires an effort. With practice it will gradually become effortless. Once effortless, attention will linger on all perception in a continuous flow of now with the mind still. Have you ever laid in bed at night and lingered on a distant sound? It’s like that... in stillness. This is when the feeling of “I” will disappear.
   
   Everything appearing in consciousness is an expression of consciousness and has a strong sense of presence minus a personal self referential “I” thought. You are this space of consciousness, and consciousness has no qualities or attributes of its own. Consciousness is what creates everything appearing in consciousness.
   
   Another aspect of Self Inquiry is the act of sitting and searching for the witness/observer. This is where questions such as “Who sees?” and “Who hears?” and “Where am I?” come in. I spent many hours sitting and looking in my back yard, looking at what was seen and searching for the see’er before the realization “clicked” and took hold. I was suddenly stuck with “If I can see it then it isn’t me, so who sees me?” Attention then looked at the mind and everything about the mind started coming apart. It was as if the mind started to crumble away because none of it was me. Nothing about it was real... it was nothing but a bunch of conditioned stimulus-response. The mind is just a sensation appearing in consciousness, no different than the sensation of warm or cold or the sensation of sound or vision.
   
   In time you’ll notice that all thoughts and especially anxiety come from desires and attachments. Letting go of attachments is a big part of this process. Some strategies to help with this are:
   
   
3. The Sedona Method
   
   
4. The Work by Byron Katie
   
   Hopefully this helps... and remember, this is all about stillness. Be still.
   

Some things that have helped me:


https://www.amazon.com/Hope-Help-Nerves-Claire-Weekes/dp/0451167228/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?adgrpid=55435576229&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI75qVt6zw5QIVyp6zCh1OHgFPEAAYASAAEgKpMvD_BwE&hvadid=274678486488&hvdev=m&hvlocphy=9007179&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=b&hvrand=9901417112654074774&hvtargid=kwd-323874757874&hydadcr=22184_10176616&keywords=hope+and+help+for+your+nerves&qid=1573962830&sr=8-2

If you can find the audio of this book, it is worth it. Dr. Weekes made the tapes years ago from Australia and there is just something about her.


A great book on Meditation is Mindfulness in Plain English

Also, check out MBSR. Mindfulness Based Stress Relief. You can probably find books and audio online. It is an 8 week course with great exercises and tips.

There are several great apps to help with relaxing and meditation. You should check them out and see if one fits. Many that are subscription based offer free trials. My goto app is Insight Timer. You would think it’s just a meditation timer. It’s not, it’s a great app with a terrible name. A lot of free content.

Lastly, there are some great podcasts. One of my favorites is Mindful Minute. It’s a recording of a woman who runs a 20 minute meditation class but with themes. Each theme is 3 or 4 sessions. You can scroll through and pick something that suits you or start from episode 1.

I hope that helps. Take some nice, slow, deep breaths. If you aren’t belly breathing, look it up. Remember that panic attacks and anxiety are just sensations that scare you. Then you’re scared and you don’t like it and you start fighting the anxiety or panic. Guess what that does? Yep, more anxiety. Breathe.

Feel free to DM me if you have any questions.

May you be safe, may you be free from suffering, may you be peaceful and at ease.

CBT will retrain your mind to refute these thoughts as inaccurate so you won’t feel so obliged to believe them. Mindfulness will teach you to see them as symptomatic of your mental state: you can be compassionate with yourself and ficus in on where in your body you feel the thoughts’ effects but allow the thoughts to jog on in their own time. You won’t feel as though they are invading your mind or controlling your responses.

I’d recommend Rhena Branch’s CBT For Dummies and a thought record app for dealing with them on-the-go like TD Pro or Thought Diary. The apps are not as comprehensive as the sheets in the book (I found) but by the time you’ve done the sheets in the books x10> you won’t need the framework prompts as much. Good luck with it!

Ah, I loved How to Sleep as well! Considering that your brother liked a book that explains how our body works, maybe he'd like a book that explains how our mind works.

Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman talks about how our brain make decisions. The Author actually won a Nobel Prize in economics for the work he did in Psychology.

thank you again for your replies; very well articulated, very helpful to me

I would like to ask you for your favorite resources on how to enhance mindfulness/awareness.

Mine are E Tolle's The Power Of Now and Stillness Speaks.

I listened to Alan Watts Out Of Your Mind and Do You Do It or Does It Do You?: How to Let the Universe Meditate You, and read his The Way Of Zen. I liked the book very much, did not enjoy much the audios. I went right back to listening to E Tolle audiobooks, mainly his TPON.

Also, I am reading the The Zen Teaching of Huang Po

What about you? What do you definitely think I should listen to or read?

This audiobook program is great The Best Kept Secrets of Great Communicators. And while he never uses the word "mindfulness" he does talk about active listening which basically involves really paying attention to what the other person is telling you.

Our main reason for focusing on morning routines (as opposed to evening routines) is because we're more of a clean slate in the morning, less reactive, etc, as we've not just spent our whole day making decisions. We're generally able to think more clearly and proactively in the mornings.

Of course everyone is different and for some people their evening routine is more important to them than their morning routine. On the website we always ask people if they do anything special in the evenings to wind down from the day and prepare for the next day, and in the book (link below) we have a full chapter devoted to evening routines, and another to sleep.

https://www.amazon.com/My-Morning-Routine-Successful-Inspired/dp/0735220271/

If you enjoyed that book, you should look into more books on Stoicism. I really enjoyed this one and this one

Tara Brach's True Refuge is wonderful. http://www.amazon.com/True-Refuge-Finding-Freedom-Awakened/dp/0553807625

The Whole Universe Book: Navigating Time, Space and Spirit With The Awesome Human Vehicle https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615951953/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_RkFpDbXN7Z4WZ

Fully Present by Susan Smalley and Diana Winston is a great resource.

https://www.amazon.com/Foundations-Buddhism-OPUS-Rupert-Gethin/dp/0192892231

many chapters in that book trace the spread of buddhist texts from india into asia. perhaps you can find something there.

Have you read The Art of Power by Thich Naht Hanh

Send this to him:
Life After Death https://www.amazon.com/dp/0142180289/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_mDy6Bb6V848TV

Hey there,

Have you been diagnosed as having experienced trauma? Or are you currently experiencing traumatic stress?

From what I've read so far that may be the case. If that's so then I'd really recommend approaching mindfulness / Buddhism (I assume you learned impermanence there) with resources/teachers that are trauma-informed. Mindfulness can aggravate traumatic stress and in some cases cause retraumatization. You can still benefit from it, but only if you do it through trauma informed resources/teachers. I'd recommend having a look at Trauma Sensitive Mindfulness by David Treleaven: https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Sensitive-Mindfulness-Practices-Transformative-Healing