(Part 2) Top products from r/SeriousConversation

Well sometimes you have to just chill and let things be for awhile. I would suggest working on yourself for a period of time. You can look at these situations and try to see your part in them, where did you go wrong, what could you have done differently, what different actions could you have taken that may have led to a different outcome?

I've done this myself for years and it's helped me deal with difficult relationships. Asking those types of empowering questions can often unlock parts of our behavior that we were previously blind to or didn't realize their effects on other people.

I used to blindly react to people. I was very much in a mode of trigger/response and sometimes my reactions would deeply hurt or offend the other person and when I'd try to repair the damage, often it was just too late and they were done with me. Years later I was able to revisit many of these relationships (as part of the recovery process in AA) and make amends to these people.

These amends are not about me accepting 100% blame for what went wrong....not at all. But as they say, "It takes 2 to tango" which means that I had a part to play in things going to shit and I need to take responsibility for my part, apologize where needed, and clean up my side of the street.

All of this is done without any expectation of response from the other party and very often in AA we hear stories of people doing this and the other party still doesn't forgive, still doesn't want anything to do with the other person and still wants to fight. However we do the amends for us so that WE can let go of our part knowing we did the best we could to repair the situation.

If I've done this properly, I can forgive myself for not being perfect, for being only human (not superhuman) and go on with my life knowing that I've done the best I could to repair a bad situation. Sometimes this has actually lead to some really cool things happening with these relationships and a healing on both sides. It's quite an amazing thing to watch unfold but again, I can't have any expectation of cool shit happening or I'll get pissed if cool shit doesn't happen and that's NOT why I making the amends. I'm making the amends for me....because I want to be happy, joyous and free and I simply can't be if I've got unresolved shit in my life.

If you're looking for some additional resources here's a book that approaches it from a non-AA stand point. The book is all about learning techniques for resolving conflict in a healthy way. Very often this isn't taught in schools and people don't know these techniques but they can be learned.

Hope that helps and I wish you all the best.

Readings on Metaethics

• Beginners Book (Normative ethics, not metaethics): Russ Shafer-Landau The Fundamentals of Ethics
  
• Short article overview of metaethics: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/metaethics/
  
• Short article on moral realism: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/moral-realism/
  
• Short article on anti-realism: https://plato.stanford.edu/entries/moral-anti-realism/
  
• Metaethics overview book: Andrew Fisher's Metaethics: An Introduction. 2011.
  
• Metaethics in depth book: Mark van Roojen's Metaethics: A Contemporary Introduction. 2015
  
• Metaethics Youtube Playlist: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBE50_tfAIA&list=PLXKKIUdnOESH7mWijTiv4tTFAcQnEkFDJ
  
• More recommendations on the philosophy reddit
  
  Defenses of God/Christianity
  
  
• William Lane Craig is essentially the Christian counterpart to Sam Harris. If you haven't heard of the cosmological argument, fine tuning, etc he's a good place to start. Not a great destination though if you're looking for something in depth and I don't think some of his arguments work in the end.
  
• Alvin Plantinga is a philosopher known for his contributions to modality, and is also a Christian. He's written some books on his faith, including "Warranted Christian Belief". He's basically the Christian counterpart to Daniel Dennent.
  
• David Bentley Hart is what I would consider the Christian counterpart to Nietzsche. His book "Beauty of the Infinite" is written in a similar style and has a long discussion of the will to power. That book is pretty dense though. An easier starting point is "The Experience of God: Being, Consciousness, Bliss". Which attempts to disentangle an informed view of God from the somewhat corrupted popular conception of it. He has also written a response to the new atheists called "Atheist Delusions"
  
• Edward Feser is probably my favorite on this list. He's written good intros to the Philosophy of Mind and to Aquinas. He defends the existence of God in "Five Proofs of the Existence of God". His magnum opus, however, is probably "Aristotle's Revenge: The Metaphysical Foundations of Physical and Biological Science". This book is a (dense) defense of Neo-Aristotelian metaphysics, which is central to his defense of the existence of God. He has also written an intro to Scholastic Metaphysics, and a response to the new atheists called "The Last Superstition"
  
  Many of the people listed above have done interviews and talks if you're not inclined to read an entire book.
  
  Let me know if this does/doesn't help or if I should narrow the list.

Here are my 5 best ways to beat anxiety and depression.

1.) Get this book. It's a classic self-help book that's scientifically proven to beat depression. It's the #1 self-help book recommended by doctors in the United States. You can get it for free at your local library

https://smile.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380731762/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=feeling+good&qid=1557361193&s=gateway&sr=8-3

2.) Meditate. Download the free "Insight Timer" meditation app or do YouTube ocean sounds while wearing headphones. It rewires your brain after 6 weeks.

3.) Live in the present moment. When your mind wanders on anxious thoughts, bring it back to the present moment. Over and over again.

4.) Pray and practice a religion. This will benefit you greatly. Start going to religious services.

5.) Exercise 5 days a week. Try to exercise for at least 30 minutes at a time. Something where you build up a sweat.

Good luck and keep in touch.

I also liked the dude and the zen master. Probably wasn’t taken seriously but the “dude” character is my spirt animal 😂

I recently got zen and the art of motorcycle maintenance . I haven’t started it yet but I love Zen and motorcycles so should go over well with me

No one can really tell you how best to heal, we can only tell you how we have done it and hope it works for you.

For me, it's two things.

The first is connecting with others. Realizing that while I have lost a part of my life forever, there are still many many more parts that exist and fulfill me. Reconnecting with people, seeing then ones I currently hang out with, etc. Being around people helps remind me that I'm not alone and that there are other people out there.

The second thing that helps me is reading about how others have dealt with loss and their own methods of grief. In particular, I suggest this book by Joan Didion. She lost her husband and then had to take care of her daughter a month later after she suffered a major brain injury. Didion's writing and research paint grief in a new light for me, not necessarily positive, but necessary.

I hope you read the book, it really helped me, and I suggest it to everyone I can in these situations. It helps for some and doesn't for others.

Good luck, I hope you find what works for you.

> how can one live in a tiny, filthy, rundown apartment with 3 kids and hardly have any food to eat and no disposable income?

I suppose it depends on what your options are. If your choices are between that & death, then that might not sound so bad.

> How much does upbringing have to do with it?

My guess is a lot. Though on the opposite end; Barbara Ehrenreich wrote a great book called Nickel and Dimed. She basically researched how the other half lived for a book. The terms were simple, she could use all of the intelligence, skills & mindset that she had developed over the years of excellent upbringing. However she couldn't use the status. She couldn't tell anyone that she went to college, call in favors from friends outside of her new life, use her savings, etc. It's pretty nauseating how far she didn't get in society.

Well you can grab the starter set for pretty darn cheap and that gives you a bunch of stuff to start out.

The way I always describe it is dnd is that it's the logical conclusion of the pretend games we play as kids. It still allows for you to become a magical hero or whatever, but it has enough rules so your asshole friend can't have his everything-proof shield.

From there each game is different. Some people like to be good guys, others villains, some find a gray area in between. It's mostly just role playing in imagination so you can do literally anything. One player I know likes to use a rope that she covers in tar, lights on fire, and animates with magic. Another simply talks his way out of most fights.

There are tons of rpgs like dnd as well. Some are designed for Scifi others for modern day. I'm currently running a game in the star wars universe.

I high recommend checking it out.

https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/0345816021

This book helped me and is still helping me. I think it can help you, too. Find Jordan Peterson on YouTube and listen to some of his interviews. :)

You sound like you might enjoy Epicurus

I was in the same boat. Read this: https://www.amazon.com/People-Skills-Yourself-Resolve-Conflicts/dp/067162248X Literally half of the book is about how to do reflective listening. That alone changed my life. And the more you learn genuine social skills like that, the more you'll realize everyone has no idea what they're doing and they're lucky to be making their way through life at all.

DO NOT USE DATING APPS!!! They heavily favor women and you'll just be running into getting tens of rejections a day. Dating apps are for women. Not men.

Every college has a ballroom dance club. Join it.

Sex being center of our life is ruining everything. Well, we are not first humans on Earth and this is not a way to live a good life, it was discovered through ages again and again. http://www.amazon.com/Cupids-Poisoned-Arrow-Harmony-Relationships/dp/1556438095

OP, I bet that this book would help you: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0984392777/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_u-l9Ab2C7R6R1

Relevant: http://nautil.us/issue/9/time/life-is-a-braid-in-spacetime

And his book: https://www.amazon.com/Our-Mathematical-Universe-Ultimate-Reality/dp/0307744256

Read this, I just started it and it has a really shockingly interesting perspective on modern ennui (which is what you're going through):

https://www.amazon.com/Conquest-Happiness-Bertrand-Russell/dp/087140673X