(Part 3) Top products from r/Stoicism

In a very constructive way. Before Stoicism, for me, there wasn't a difference between indulging in short-term consumerism and long-term fulfillment. I thought one leads to the other. In short, I wasn't aware of the difference between pleasure and happiness. I wasn't aware of the fact that spending hours playing video games or watching series could be harmful. But Stoicism pointed out that we need to refrain from making ourselves dependent on the external things, the things we cannot control, i.e. we should refrain from becoming slaves of our own cravings. Temperance, as always, is the keyword: Satisfy the desire, no more, no less. And whenever what you are doing right now hinders you from leading a virtuous life, refrain from doing so.

>"If you are struck by the appearance of any promised pleasure, guard yourself against being hurried away by it; but let the affair wait your leisure, and procure yourself some delay. Then bring to your mind both points of time: that in which you will enjoy the pleasure, and that in which you will repent and reproach yourself after you have enjoyed it; and set before you, in opposition to these, how you will be glad and applaud yourself if you abstain."

>-Epictetus, Enchiridion, XXXIV

 

>"He who is making progress, having learned from philosophers that desire means the desire of good things, and aversion means aversion from bad things; having learned too that happiness and tranquillity are not attainable by man otherwise than by not failing to obtain what he desires, and not falling into that which he would avoid; such a man takes from himself desire altogether and defers it, but he employs his aversion only on things which are dependent on his will. For if he attempts to avoid anything independent of his will, he knows that
sometimes he will fall in with something which he wishes to avoid, and he will be unhappy. Now if virtue promises good fortune and tranquillity and happiness, certainly also the progress toward virtue is progress toward each of these things."

>-Epictetus, Enchiridion, IV

For Epictetus, happiness is accepting that we cannot control outside forces, but the only thing we have control over - our own decisions. (Discipline of desire)
Happiness requires freedom from passions (destructive emotions). Pleasure is a preferred indifference, it is to be selected but not sought. Act out on it in moderation. If you become subject to your own desires, you become a slave and thereby a vicious individual: You are enslaved by your passions.

Pleasure is short lived (instant gratification), happiness is long lived (delayed gratification). Pleasure can be achieved by using substances, happiness cannot. Pleasure causes craving ("I want more"), happiness causes contentment ("I have enough"). Pleasure is visceral, happiness is ethereal. Pleasure is typically experienced alone (sensory stimuli), happiness is typically experienced in social groups (bonding).

(This last paragraph is from a summary of the book: The Hacking of the American Mind).

(I will be a scientist in a month, so maybe my viewpoint is too scientific.)

Take every interaction with any potential partner as a "quantum-test", Or simply as a scientific experiment. You ask a question from Nature: "Can we function as a couple?" or "Does she have the same attraction towards me?" and then you will get an answer. You should never take any rejection as a personal failure. A "rejection" is just an experimental result which is dependent on

• the current brain-bio-chemical states of the participants,
  
• the weather,
  
• the (life)situation in which you are at that moment,
  
• her period,
  
• her personal past,
  
• etc...
  
  So very few things you are responsible in any "dating" situation. The result of a "dating experiment" says how you two are compatible with each other, and says very little about you personally. Of course you should behave as you think is right. Directed dating is a paradox situation, because if you behave directly as you think "she likes", then you are giving up your true self to impress her. Of course there are certain behavioral patterns but if you just "act" as confident person, then you are just an actor... You should behave as YOU think is right.
  
  I don't think that the PickUpArt narrative (alpha/beta male, etc...) would be useful in a long term, because it teach you how to ACT, and not how to be happy in your own skin. You would be with a female who loves You, and not your "alpha-mask" which you wear to hide your needy nature...... True success when you can transcend these alpha-beta-male games and you can date without even bother about the endpoint of this experiment. I think Stoicism is a perfect alternative philosophy for dating. OF course you can prefer some results, but you can be HAPPY in any case. She is NOT your key to happiness. None is.
  
  I can recommend you the book No more mr Nice Guy!. It is perfectly dealing with one of the main problem of our society, which lost his best males nearly 60-70 years ago (during ww2, etc...) .
  And there is a very useful webpage: http://www.artofmanliness.com/ which can help you to rediscover your true inner Man.
  

Wealth is not a virtue.

I've listed out the four virtues below, as well as their opposing vices. It would be a wise idea for you to go back to the original texts and do some more reading. There is a modern-language version of the Enchiridion available on Kindle for free, and it's a great introduction:

https://www.amazon.com/Good-Life-Handbook-Epictetus-Enchiridion/dp/0920219144

----The four virtues----

Wisdom (sophia) or prudence (phronêsis), which opposes the vice of folly or thoughtlessness (aphrosunê). Includes excellent deliberation, good calculation, quick-wittedness, good sense, a healthy sense of purpose and resourcefulness.

Honesty, justice, lawfulness, or integrity (dikaiosunê, sometimes ‘righteousness’), which opposes wrongdoing or injustice (adikia). Includes good-heartedness or benevolence, public service, and fair dealing.

Courage or fortitude (andreia, literally ‘manliness’), which opposes cowardice (deilia). Includes endurance, confidence, great-heartedness, brave-heartedness, and love of work.

Self-discipline or temperance (sôphrosunê, sometimes ‘discretion’), which opposes intemperance or excess (akolasia). Includes organization, orderliness, modesty, and self-control.

Sorry to hear about your breakup. Intentionally being alone for a while to get back in touch with yourself may be a good plan. I would say that I think Stoicism is very beneficial, and you might see some immediate results, but it's a philosophy for the long term. Don't put any pressure on yourself to have any big life changes or revelations. Be patient with yourself and let things happen when they happen.

Here is my short list of books that I usually recommend as starting points (most of these are found in the FAQ as well):

• Stoicism by John Sellars is an introductory-level academic overview of Stoic philosophy and is a solid introduction to the subject.
  
  
• Stoicism: A Very Short Introduction by Brad Inwood is another broad overview by an academic scholar of Stoicism, but it's much more condensed. Very informative, however.
  
  
• Stoicism and the Art of Happiness by Donald Robertson is a practical introduction on what Stoicism is and how to implement it in your life.
  
  
• Epictetus - Discourses, Fragments, Handbook translated by Robin Hard is a book containing the lectures of the Stoic teacher Epictetus. He was the most influential Stoic philosopher of his age, and his Discourses were studied by the famous Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius. (The "Enchiridion" is included in this collection as well, also called the "Handbook".)
  
  
• Seneca's Dialogues and Essays, especially the essays "On The Shortness of Life" and "On the Happy Life" and Letters from a Stoic contain Seneca's useful writings on a number of topics and is another popular place to begin learning about Stoicism.
  
  You can also check out the IEP entries on Stoicism and Stoic Ethics if you'd like to start with briefer reading first.
  
  Finally, there are a number of videos on Stoicism and related topics that you may find helpful. (But of course books go into more depth than short videos can.)

Instead of giving you advice, I have the perfect book recommendation that will come pretty close to directly answering your question. I read this years ago, but only just found it again and am giving it another read through.

The book is called 'So good they can't ignore you: why skills trump passion in the quest for work you love' by Cal Newport.

The author actually has a computer science degree funnily enough. In it he uses empirical evidence to argue that the common advice of 'follow your passion' is flawed and unrealistic, and generally bad advice. After arguing that he puts forward his arguments about what the best course of action is if you discount the passion hypothesis. Its full of examples of people he interviewed who took different approaches to end up doing what they love, why some failed at it and why some didn't. I really can't recommend this book more highly actually, I think it will be perfect for you.

Here is the amazon link
https://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

I was actually referring to a book I've read a while ago: The Hacking of the American Mind by Robert Lustig. You can easily replace "American" with "Modern" in the title because it's message is broader than the US. The book talks about the differences between happiness and pleasure. It also talks about how we as a consumer are being promised happiness (1,
2,
3,
etc),
while in reality we can really only buy pleasure. It also goes into the key differences and how you can distinguish the two. The main takeaways are these:

• Pleasure is short lived (instant gratification), happiness is long lived;
  
• Pleasure can be achieved via substances, happiness cannot;
  
• Pleasure causes craving (I want more), happiness causes contentment (I have enough);
  
• Pleasure is visceral, happiness is ethereal;
  
• Pleasure is typically experienced alone (sensory stimuli), happiness is typically experienced in social groups (bonding).
  
  He points out that they are not necessarily mutually exclusive, albeit opposite in nature. In the book he also gives tips how to work towards happiness. I didn't agree with everything he wrote but overall it was a nice read.

Thank you for taking the time to discuss this intelligently. Btw, I 100% agree with your last sentence. We should take everything we read with a grain of salt, and use our own critical thinking instead of getting married to certain authors or ideologies. I appreciate that you think this way.

Anyway, back to topic.

I happen to agree with 90% of what you wrote. The place where we diverge, I think, is this:

> your original post seems to be implying that because we can't control something 100%, we can't control it at all, and thus we should start daydreaming about how to scrap for food in the streets.

That's not the point I tried to convey. This will be a bit lenghty, I'll include a "Too Long, Didn't Read" summary in the end in case you don't wish to read this whole thing.

The point is that when you cannot control 100% something, there is absolutely no point in having the slightest attachment to that thing per se. You can still work on it and influence it, sure, but if you develop a clear understanding of its possible outcomes and realistic expecations, you will be free from unnecessary suffering.

Let me give you a simpler example: Tennis.

A friend of mine used to have lots of trouble playing tennis. He'd play really well... until he made a mistake. Then he would start thinking "I shouldn't lose against this guy, he is a newbie... what will others think of me if I lose this match? I cannot lose!". Then he'd spiral down out of control in a tornado of anxiety. Quickly losing focus. Quickly making more mistakes. Thus generating more anxiety. Boom. Instant loss + misery + depression.

What was his mistake?

You might think "Caring about what others will think"... but in my opinion that's just a side effect of something more fundamental.

Can you spot the mistake? (saying "mistake" is kind of subjective, I am referring to the cause of his anxiety)

I talked to him, and explained that focusing on winning was foolish. Because while he can influence the outcome of the game... it's not 100% under his control.

Does this mean he should go to his next Tennis tournament wearing a Pikachu costume and throw all balls to the referee's face?

No. He should still play as usual.

The shift I suggest is the reframing of the goal.

I suggested him to focus on giving his very best. To play like fucking crazy, to have laser-like concentration, to push his physical limit until he cries if necessary. To GIVE-HIS-BEST. That's all.

—What about the result? What if I lose?—he asked me.

And I responded:

—I don't give a shit. For all I care, go ahead and lose your next 100 games. Just give your best. Don't you see? That's a smart goal. Something you can fully engage with, a challenge that's not too easy, but achievable every single time. It's conducive to Flow.

He immediately understood. But that's not enough. He played a couples games, and he forgot our whole conversation. Still failing miserably. I coached him some more. I taught him a bit of basic meditation/mindfulness to help him put this stuff into practice, to help him shift focus from his current mindset to the one I was suggesting.

And one day... oh boy... one day he called me extremely excited.

He no longer cared about winning. Not because he agreed with my coaching, but because he experienced it. He made a mistake. And the only thing in his mind was focusing on the ball in the next play. That was all. Complete, deliberate focus on the task at hand. Giving his best.

That's why reframing things in terms of "things you can control 100%" is extremely important. That's why "things partially under your control" have the potential to distract you from this lesson my friend learned.

Things partially under your control are confusing.

Sure, you can enjoy a win.

Sure, you can enjoy your merit on having bought a house.

But this enjoyment has nothing to do with this discussion. Even more so, that enjoyment will feed your potential suffering in the future when you lose a game, or you lose your house.

To wrap up and circle back: (TLDR)

I'm not implying you should resign to becoming homeless and daydream about how to scrap food in the street. I am suggesting that you develop a mindset so that money never worries you unproductively, so that fear and anxiety don't control your life.

Fear is useful for a zebra running away from a lion.

Fear is useful for a human running away from a school shooter or a murderer. Adrenaline will numb you to physical pain, and will make you run faster than you ever imagined possible.

But fear is absolutely stupid and useless within the context of modern life. What you need in modern life problems is rational thinking, mental clarity, and peace and mind. Most of the times fear and anxiety will accomplish nothing for you; on the contrary, they will maim you.

Elaborating on the subject of chronic stress in modern life would be extremely lengthy, but if you're interested in this, I highly recommend the book "Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers" by one of my favorite neuroscientists: Robert Sapolsky.

Feel free to ask any other questions or challenge what I said. By no means I claim to have "the truth". I just share what I gained from Stoicism and what worked for me. I live a life virtually free from suffering, so I'd argue I have a clear understanding of this stuff. But I acknowledge not every idea works for everyone.

edit: I have much more to say about this but I tried to keep it brief. :P

>To be fair, my interest in being less "automated" in my Stoic thoughts was inspired only recently after a discussion on this subreddit. My dive into skepticism has been a means to assess and challenge my beliefs in a different way, as the surviving Skeptic works delve more into epistemology than surviving Stoic works..... ..... ....Epictetus, when talking about evaluating impressions, mentions that we need to examine it by the tools at our disposal and chiefly the dichotomy of control. Skeptic tools fall in the former for me.

This is something that's been bothering me also when put into practice. I've been considering applying the Socratic line of questioning - haven't developed a full-fledged approach yet apart from an acronym CARPIQ (clarify, ques. assumptions, reasons, perspectives, implications, and question). But it seems cumbersome at the outset itself - I mean it's not going to be like second nature nor is it going to be easy implementing on a machine-like organ that produces thousands of impressions. Being preoccupied with a lot of things, this might take me some time to figure out.
You've given me an additional direction to explore. I'm grateful for that. I'll definitely make time to explore this.

>When I get the chance, I'd like to pick up Outlines of Pyrrhonism from Sextius Empiricus.

Interesting. Adding this to my list. Thanks!

>Oh! What book about him did you pick up?

How to Live, or a life of Montaigne in one question and twenty attempts at an answer, by Sarah Bakewell

Just because someone is full of themselves doesn't mean you can't learn from them. And it's not tailored to exactly to being a college student but I found he goes out of his way to make the over-arching principles clear.

I'm a college student too in a field fairly similar to yours. I don't know if you're a big reader, but this is another great book that has a lot of research into people who get to the top of their fields versus people who stay mediocre. It was written by a guy who has a phd in comp sci from MIT and wrote a book while doing his dissertation: http://www.amazon.com/Good-They-Cant-Ignore-You/dp/1455509124

Just a recommendation, best of luck with it.

There are some esoteric differences (you may find this article interesting, for instance), but I think the essentials of both philosophies sync up very well. As someone who shares your interest, a short read I would highly recommend is More Than Happiness: Buddhist and Stoic Wisdom for a Sceptical Age.

You can grab the audiobook in Frame translation, the narration is quite nice.

I've done some research into the best translation and the consensus seems to be that Screech is the most "accessible and modern" http://www.amazon.com/Michel-Montaigne-Complete-Penguin-Classics/dp/0140446044/

Although the best book on Montaigne is http://www.amazon.com/How-Live-Montaigne-Question-Attempts/dp/1590514831 which I found thanks to Farnam Street and I would recommend reading it alongside the original.

They are about equal for that. As are most translations. Take notes as you read. Mark sections that may be helpful. The ancients are the best source for Stoicism, but they did not write systematically, that is what modern books on Stoicism often do well.

 

In my opinion, [The Practicing Stoic] (https://www.amazon.com/Practicing-Stoic-Philosophical-Users-Manual/dp/1567926118) does the best systematic breakdown of Stoic principles. As a comparison, I've read about 10 of the most popular modern Stoic books.

I'm quite new to Stoicism myself and, like you, am trying to figure these things out. My advice would be to invest in some good books. Something you can take your time with, study, highlight, write in, keep under your pillow at night. Here's a short list of the ones I've found to be most helpful:

[All things Epictetus](http://www.amazon.com/The-Discourses-Epictetus-Fragments-Everymans/dp/0460873121/ref=sr_1_10?
ie=UTF8&qid=1382479293&sr=8-10&keywords=Epictetus)

And to help you understand Epictetus: Epictetus: A Stoic and Socratic Guide to Life by A.A. Long

A very helpful translation and commentary on Epictetus' Handbook by Keith Seddon

Marcus Aurelius' Meditations

Along with this indispensable study of the Meditations by Pierre Hadot

Familiarize yourself with the 3 disciplines of Stoicism, eg here. This cannot be overstated, as understanding them helps prevent 90+ % of the common misunderstandings of Stoicism.
If you feel like your background on Stoicism is lacking, I recommend reading Stoicism, A Very Short Introduction by Brad Inwood, which does a wonderful job of portraying Stoicism as a whole.

If you have not already I would recommend reading the Enchiridion daily, until you can recite it almost completely by heart. Play around with the ideas and try to apply them to concrete situations in your life, try to find multiple examples per entry.
Particularly try to apply the dichotomy of control to everything. Start asking yourself constantly if what you see/experience might just be a semblance, a wrong impression. Start being consciously aware of your thoughts. I feel that journaling, helped a lot with this.
I also recommend reading On application of philosophy, and other insightful posts by u/cleomedes.

Try this. It may seem counterintuitive, but after reading through it, I had a MUCH better understanding of my own emotional processes, and that helped me deal with them better. I don't find myself struggling as much with emotions completely overwhelming me, instead, I am able to keep them a bit deeper within and work with them. (Which is to say, I am not neglecting them, just letting them work for me instead of taking over.)

Thank you, I added it to my list to read.

These are two different books though. The one I'm suggesting is working on your feelings about situations that arise. If I'm reading the description of The Art of Empathy correctly it seems like a book on how to relate to others better.

Both are very important and I will read the book you suggested! Thank you!

Penguin Classics recently issued this handsome set of 4.5" x 6.9" hardbound editions that you might be interested in. It includes Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, and Letters from a Stoic by Seneca.

They are very handsome and compact. Great to throw in a bag for a subway or train ride. They even come with a sewn in satin bookmark.

> then bought Letters from a Stoic

That penguin version is fantastic.

Apparently a good version of On The Shortness Of Life can be found here. I'd personally recommend this either.

While primary sources often did not survive, there are some secondary sources which did. Many of them are critiques, which is also helpful for the student.

Additionally, Stoicism influenced early Christian thought significantly (the Christians in Rome first wanted to be recognized as a philosophical school), so we can see the effects of that in some of those authors.

As far as modern authors and exegetical writings go, John Sellers, AA Long, Cambridge Companion, etc. are all good resources. I heartily suggest the courses at New Stoa for a good "little-a" academic grounding in the school.

Definitely some good ones.

I’d also recommend ward farnsworth’s “the practicing stoic”


The Practicing Stoic: A Philosophical User's Manual https://www.amazon.com/dp/1567926118/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_vfvKDbQXCJK1Q

Good to hear it.

This book on that topic is really excellent. Short and concise. I go back to it when I need to "get my brain right"

https://www.amazon.com/Constructive-Living-Kolowalu-Books-Paperback/dp/0824808711

Whenever I see posts like this I recommend this book (not necessarily stoic). It's basic premise is that its all in your head and with the right attitude you can find enjoyment (even fulfillment) from something as mundane as folding the laundry.

https://www.amazon.com/Flow-Psychology-Experience-Perennial-Classics/dp/0061339202/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=flow+book&qid=1557777574&s=gateway&sr=8-1

I was looking at this one on amazon last night. The reviews said the quality wasnt the greatest, but I ordered it anyways cause its less than $5. ... Hopefully its not too bad

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/153748222X/ref=ox_sc_act_image_1?smid=A3DWYIK6Y9EEQB&psc=1

It might be a different translation, but it's from Enchiridion 25.

It'd be more true time say that it's most likely different from the version of The Enchiridion than some have read. The quote I pulled from is more of a rewording to suit a more modern understanding, from The Manual

Stoicism and the Art of Happiness has many exercises, which is written by our own /u/SolutionsCBT. Stoic Spiritual Exercises attempts to re-construct specific meditative practices as well.

It might help to read some more detailed books about meditation so that you know more about what you're doing, what mistakes to try to recognize, and what milestones to expect.

I like The Mind Illuminated because it provides a lot of detailed information about what to expect and what to do about it.

Here you are:

Meditations

Letters from a Stoic

The Enchiridion

I'm using this link

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Life-Handbook-Enchiridion-Introduction/dp/0920219144/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482523103&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Good+Life+Handbook

There is an actual book of stoic spiritual exercises. It is not my favourite stoic "how to", but it seems to be exactly what you are asking for. http://www.amazon.com/Stoic-Spiritual-Exercises-Elen-Buzaré/dp/1446608131

Why do you want to be more social? What do you want in life? Specifically. Write down the reasons, and write down everything you want for yourself - all the things you'd like to own, all the skills you'd like to have, all the people you'd like to meet, all the characteristics you wish you embodied.

Done? No, because you're an asshole. Go back and write them down. Seriously. I spent a fucking long time writing this post for you - I explain my point in several different ways, from different angles, because it's fucking important to me that you get the help you seek - you can take four minutes to write down some reasons. Open up your text editor and get to work, reddit will still be here when you get back. Don't get distracted. Do not trust your memory - write them down.

Okay. Look at those reasons. It's a list of things you want to be, do, and have. Ask yourself: Do you have the freedom to become, achieve and obtain those things, through your actions?

You were afraid to write some things. Maybe you thought "fuck a thousand people" was unrealistic. "Become emperor of my own country". "Go to space," "Own a castle," "Fly with the Blue Angels," "Be a real life James Bond," "Write a novel," "Be able to talk to anyone," "Start a religion," "Meet Daniel Craig." You're wrong, go back and write your "unrealistic" things down too. People have done them, you are physically capable of doing them. But are you free to do them?

Right now, you've decided to believe the answer is "no". If it were "yes", you wouldn't have posted, you would have just gone out and done them. Let's change that "no" to a "yes".

• Take this test. Write down your score somewhere you won't lose it.
  
  If this problem is the one you truly want to solve, you must focus your attention on it and let nothing distract you. All things which might get in the way of you solving your anxiety and inferiority problems must be ignored, including some of your own beliefs, and including some things like Netflix and Reddit you would rather be doing because they're comfortable and easy. This will be hard work. You will feel incredible after it is done, and it will be done soon if you work hard. Do not waste time. Only through discipline can you achieve freedom - if you are spending time looking at cat videos, understand that you are removing the freedom to spend that time elsewhere. You will not get that time back. It is forever chained to cat videos.
  
  
• Read this book. Pay particularly close attention to section IV.
  
• Take the test again. Compare scores.
  
  You must not fear. There is nothing on the other side of fear except failure. Failure of inaction is much, much worse than failure through action: you learn nothing when you do nothing. Make every attempt to socialize in every situation, even if it hurts, and even though you will fail many times. Experiment until you figure out, trust that you will figure it out.
  
  Optimism will not help you, neither will pessimism - if you believe things will work out okay no matter what, or that things will go to shit no matter what, you have resigned yourself to the whims of a random God and decided not to act. Only activism will help you - the belief that your actions will affect positive change on the outcome. This is true for all things you want in life, including "how do I make friends", "how do I start a business", "how do I become President", "how do I get a job," "how do I get an A in this class," and so on. Strengthen your belief that your success relies entirely on your actions. Strengthen your belief that you have the ability to make good decisions in the future. Strengthen your belief that the worst that could happen is something you can handle. Do not fear boredom, isolation or embarrassment if they are in service of your growth as a human being.
  
  
• Read this book. If it makes you feel shitty about yourself, that means I'm right and you need to read it all the way to the end, you will feel better later. Trust me and make the small sacrifice.
  
• Take the test again. Compare scores.
  
  Seneca recommended taking brief periods of time to deliberately live in rags and eat very little, to steel oneself against the fear of poverty. In our modern era we have developed many new fears, all of which can be eradicated in similar fashion. Fear of boredom. Fear of isolation. Fear of missing out. Fear of hunger, fear of gaining weight, fear of being unattractive, fear of looking dumb, inexperienced, uncool, fear of not being happy enough, not having enough interesting Facebook posts, and on and on. If you have these fears, face them. Physically write them down, then write down ways to mitigate or prevent them, and ways you could recover from them if they come to pass. Realize that these fears are controlling you and limiting your freedom.
  
  Then it comes time to face these fears. Go out and talk to people. Find people that know things you want to know, ask them questions. Find people that do things you want to do, admit your inexperience, and ask for their help. Offer them something in return, and get creative - "I'll <help you with your math homework / trade you a bag of chips / get you that girl's phone number / level up your WoW character> if you show me how you <do this problem / throw a perfect spiral / make those cookies>". Do this with as many people as you can find, do not worry about making friends with each one, do not worry if they make fun of you, do not worry if they hate you - the goal is quantity. Learn from your mistakes, learn from your successes. Every time you fail to take the action - going to a meetup, going to a party, talking to a stranger, joining a group activity - you are restricting your own freedom.
  
  Understand: you are on your own. You can build yourself to do and be anything you want, it is up to the rest of the world to try and stop you, and they will fail because they are uncoordinated and lack self-awareness. The more you realize this, the freer you become.
  
  Further reading:
  
  
• Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It's a classic for a reason. Do not mentally add "effective in business" to the title, it applies to all situations.
  
• The Art of Seduction. It's not just about seducing women. Making friends, marketing products, attracting investors - these all share common skills which can and must be learned.
  
• The Obstacle Is The Way. Because this is /r/stoicism, after all.
  
• The 4-Hour Body. Learn about self-experimentation and planning ahead for failure. Develop self-awareness. Lose weight if necessary, build muscle if desired.

This isn't a direct answer to your question but it is related. I haven't done much research on this myself, but there's a group of academics out there who argue that Stoicism as opposed to Platonism had a much larger influence on Christianity. Especially so regarding the Apostle Paul. At one point someone even forged a correspondence between Seneca and Paul. Check out section 6.5 of the SEP article on Stoicism.

If you want to learn more you can also check out these books:

• Paul and the Stoics
  
  
• Stoicism in Early Christianity

> isn't pain and suffering an objective and absolute state?

Yes, but the classical Stoics didn't think that pain and suffering implied unhappiness.

> Then isn't your assessment irrelevant?

No. The assessment ("This is awful!", "What a dump my life has become," et cetera) is what turns an unfortunate situation into an unhappy one.

For the Stoics, passions (including rage, despair, and joy) consist of beliefs. Specifically, they are combinations of beliefs. Consider the case of someone who has lost an arm. She might feel pretty dejected. A Stoic would say that her dejection consists of a pair of beliefs like these two:

1. My arm has been severed.
   
   
2. It's bad to have one's arm severed.
   
   Beliefs like Claim 1 are true (or false) independently of your opinion. Beliefs like Claim 2, for the Stoics, are always false. Claim 2 is a value judgment, but it's invalid.
   
   The reason it's invalid is that "good" and "bad" apply only to moral character. Thus, something is good only if it leads to more virtue, and bad only if it leads to more vice. Everything else is neither good nor bad.
   
   (Now, pardon my pun as I cut off a common misconception: The classical Stoics did not think that everything besides "good" and "bad" was all the same. They recognized further categories--"preferred" and "dispreferred"--to reflect the satisfaction or frustration of natural wants, like health, wealth, family, honor, etc. But these further categories were orthogonal to "good" and "bad.")
   
   For more, see Stoicism and Emotion by Margaret Graver.
   
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