(Part 2) Top products from r/TalkTherapy

It was, at least according to him. It really is some cognitive dissonance that an eminent therapist can think

>But could I relate to Betty? To be frank, she revolted me. It was an effort for me to locate her face, so layered and swathed in flesh as it was. Her silly commentary was equally offputting. By the end of our first hour, I felt irritated and bored. Could I be intimate with her? I could scarcely think of a single person with whom I less wished to be intimate. But this was my problem, not Betty's. It was time, after twenty-five years of practice, for me to change. Betty represented the ultimate counter- transference challenge — and, for that very reason, I offered then and there to be her therapist.

>Surely no one can be critical of a therapist striving to improve his technique. But what, I wondered uneasily, about the rights of the patient? Is there not a difference between a therapist scrubbing away unseemly countertransference stains and a dancer or a Zen master striving for perfection in each of those disciplines? It is one thing to improve one's backhand service return but quite another to sharpen one's skills at the expense of some fragile, troubled person.

>These thoughts all occurred to me but I found them dismissible. It was true that Betty offered an opportunity to improve my personal skills as a therapist. It was, however, also true that my future patients would benefit from whatever growth I would attain. Besides, human service professionals have always practiced on the living patient. There is no alternative. How could medical education, to take one example, survive without student clinical clerkships? Furthermore, I have always found that responsible neophyte therapists who convey their sense of curiosity and enthusiasm often form excellent therapeutic relationships and can be as effective as a seasoned professional.

>It's the relationship that heals, the relationship that heals, the relationship that heals — my professional rosary. I say that often to students. And say other things as well, about the way to relate to a patient — positive unconditional regard, nonjudgmental acceptance, authentic engagement, empathic understanding. How was I going to be able to heal Betty through our relationship? How authentic, empathic, or accepting could I be? How honest? How would I respond when she asked about my feelings toward her? It was my hope that I would change as Betty and I progressed in her (our) therapy. For the time being, it seemed to me that Betty's social interactions were so primitive and superficial that no penetrating therapist-patient relationship analysis would be necessary.

I find this all completely stunning. The arrogance. The using a patient for improving his own skills who is never asked for consent to be used in that manner -- People who are seeing students in training do so with full knowledge and intent to do so. His problem here is not lack of technique. It is sickness for which he should have known he needed his own treatment.

But instead he satisfies himself with the notion he is providing adequate care because, due to the patient's deficiencies in social relationship -- no way those could be projections of his own disgust and hatred for her, of course -- "no penetrating therapist-patient relationship analysis would be necessary" (a parapraxis so laughably obvious a psych 101 student could have caught it).

This is all treated like he is doing her some kind of favor. Because he is the "great man."

And this is the author of probably the most widely-lauded book on group therapy.

I have often thought a foundational problem with psychoanalysis is that, from the very beginning, we only have the famous analyst's account of how successful their treatments were. There is no essay by Betty about her regard of the treatment and what the longterm effects were. But these people are taken as experts and models for practice, without question.

I am no CBT advocate and I do believe healing is through relationship. I am interested and excited by new research linking neuroscience and analysis, for instance by Allan Schore and the late but wonderful Jaak Panksepp. But I wish there was some attempt at accountability or objective review of these historical famous, revered psychoanalysts.

I too had been diagnosed with DID and worked with a therapist who had never encountered it before. It definitely was a learning experience for both of us. Fortunately my T was willing to learn and stick with me as we work through a lot of my sh*t. It definitely was a rough ride at times, and my T didn't always make the best or most helpful decisions over the years, but what I ultimately learned was to trust my gut and to speak up when something in the therapy or in the relationship didn't feel right for me.

Have you asked your T how much experience that her supervisor has had in regards to working with DID clients? Do you feel comfortable that your T will be getting some good support and input from this super? I would encourage you to have that conversation with her if you are not feeling good about this.

Also, in regards to your fear of having to address your trauma, you don't have to necessarily do that at this time. I would hope your T is focusing on getting you and your system to be more connected and co-concious so that you and your alters/parts are learning to acknowledge and except each other and their particular roles so they can work together as a unified system. After this is achieved, you may feel more comfortable about facing your particular traumas. And who knows, the trauma may naturally come up and be worked through as you get to know each of your alters/parts better.

Also, don't be so quick to write off other modalities or alternative therapies just yet. Body centred therapies are quite helpful for addressing complex traumas. When I got stuck in a rut with doing talk therapy and wasn't improving, but in fact slipping backwards in progress and worsening in my trauma symptoms, I started doing neurofeedback therapy in conjunction to my talk therapy and it was incredibly beneficial. It helped to calm many of my trauma symptoms, including my overall anxiety, emotional dysregulation, and dissociation unlike anything else to where I could finally start doing my talk therapy without becoming severely dissociated or triggered. I started to make a lot of positive progress in therapy and my healing after I started neurofeedback. Neurofeedback also helped me internally to become more connected with my system.

Also, if you haven't read these books yet, I highly recommend you get copies of them. You may like to share them with your T:

https://www.amazon.com/Dissociative-Identity-Disorder-Sourcebook-Sourcebooks/dp/0737303948

https://www.amazon.com/Coping-Trauma-Related-Dissociation-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/039370646X/ref=mp_s_a_1_3?keywords=dissociative+identity+disorder+books&qid=1562834073&s=gateway&sprefix=Disociative+&sr=8-3

Try Schema Therapy - it’s kind of a compromise between skills-based therapy and psychodynamic therapy. I have found it really effective, because it talks about why you have the issues you do and where they came from, and only then uses skills to cope with and help heal the issues. This is a good book to learn a bit about it - just ignore the extremely dated cover and clickbaity title, idk what their publisher was thinking.

A General Theory of Love

https://www.amazon.com/Science-Psychotherapy-Norton-Interpersonal-Neurobiology/dp/0393706648/

You are not the cause of his panic attacks, if it wasn't you he'd be having them over something else eventually.

Generally speaking, you don't owe someone a relationship at your expense. If you don't want to be with him then don't. He will be fine eventually if he seeks out help for his panic attacks which is his responsibility. It is not your responsibility to be with him so he doesn't have panic attacks.

If you want to help, get him a book on managing anxiety. My therapist recommended me this one and I found it helpful.

There are many scientists who believe therapy is basically a scam and doesn't help in the majority of cases.

https://www.amazon.com/Therapy-Industry-Irresistible-Talking-Doesnt/dp/074532987X

Bad Therapy: Master Therapists Share Their Worst Failures

https://www.amazon.com/Bad-Therapy-Master-Therapists-Failures/dp/0415933234

Bad Therapy offers a rare glimpse into the hearts and mind's of the profession's most famous authors, thinkers, and leaders when things aren't going so well. Jeffrey Kottler and Jon Carlson, who include their own therapy mishaps, interview twenty of the world's most famous practitioners who discuss their mistakes, misjudgements, and miscalculations on working with clients. Told through narratives, the failures are related with candor to expose the human side of leading therapists. Each therapist shares with regrets, what they learned from the experience, what others can learn from their mistakes, and the benefits of speaking openly about bad therapy.