(Part 3) Top products from r/depression

Optimists may seem unrealistic to someone in the pits of depression, but there have been studies that have showed that optimists are far more successful and effective.

You can choose how to see things. When I react to something, my mind goes right to the negative. Let's say my boss criticizes me. My mind goes right to: I'm going to lose my job... I'm going to be homeless... I never get anything right... etc. This is assuming a lot of things that might not be anywhere near the reality of a situation.

An optimist might choose to see the criticism as a good thing - a chance to grow and learn - and not extrapolate to predicting doom. This is a far more productive course.

You can do "all the right things" on paper, but that is no guarantee of happiness for many reasons.

• What makes you happy might not be what makes everyone else happy.
  
• You may need exercise to be happier, but perhaps you aren't doing exercise that you enjoy. If you are doing exercise that you even loathe, it certainly wouldn't help.
  
• If you have a social life that isn't satisfying to you, it also won't help.
  
• The nature of depression can also mess with your enjoyment of things. You may no longer enjoy the things you used to love.
  
  There are lots of good books out there about this kind of thing. You can go to Amazon and look up books on happiness.
  
  I liked ["The Happiness Hypothesis"]. (http://www.amazon.com/Happiness-Hypothesis-Finding-Modern-Ancient/dp/0465028020/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1317856948&sr=8-5). My husband liked ["Stumbling on Happiness."] (http://www.amazon.com/Stumbling-Happiness-Daniel-Gilbert/dp/1400077427/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1317856948&sr=8-7) I am currently reading "The Happiness Project" and loving it... a friend recommended it.
  
  All that said, the most effective way to treat depression is meds combined with therapy. Even with all the best books in the world, a wounded mind might not be able to do anything helpful with the information.

(I basically had my own enlightenment when it came to getting over the whole meaning of life thing. It was a combination of events and realizing it didn't really matter as much as just trying to live. And when I realized that more often than not, it's the little things throughout the day that makes us feel happy or not. It's how you interpret it too. I think of it as, why should there be some meaning to life? Why should we have the same life meaning? That's boring. This place is huge and I can pretty much do whatever I want, if I want to do it enough. As long as I'm happy with how I lived my life when I die, I don't really care if there is some grand meaning.)

No, you're not being rude at all. You're being honest. I'm taking it as a discussion because I never really got it when I was younger, I hated it. I mean I get it. I've been there, it's really hard to remember the exact process of getting out of my fog(I'm still in it, just not as deep). I've had it for a long time and I've slowly gotten to this point. I've had longish periods of time where I was doing great though, then a trigger happened and I started back over again. To help myself, I started with smiling at strangers on the street 10 years ago, I guess my trigger to start appreciating things was this book. It really opened my eyes to how many small things I like. Lately I've been working on how I carry myself and my personal/home hygeine. It's really hard sometimes when, what's the point, I'm just going here or no one ever comes over etc. come up. But, I've been a little happier for it. More willing to be social too. It's really hard (especially with ADHD) but, I'm trying. Don't really know how well I'm doing but, I'm trying at least. Haha.

I never really had anyone tell me how I could get out of this. I've had to realize a lot of things through big mistakes and realizations with chance encounters. Things my friends have done. Things I've read/experienced throughout life. It was really hard to start thinking positively, a chance encounter changed that. It's still hard though. Haha. I would probably be way better off if I would've talked to someone a long time ago. I haven't yet but, I want to.

I don't think you want to be depressed. Nobody does, like you said. That whole subject is actually really hard for me to put into words, frustratingly so because, I know what I want to say but, I can't. I've basically had to learn this all over time, certain lessons area easier kept than others though.

>Maybe I just need my "corn" moment. But even then, it just leads to things possibly being (or not being) bullshit.

That's just part of life though. You gotta take the bad to appreciate the good. Even if appreciating the good doesn't seem like much, it really could've been worse. It could've been that bullshit thing you thought was going to happen. You may see goopy piles of sunshine that you want to stare at with disdain but, really they're just goopy piles of sunshine bro.

I did come off as preachy and like what the comic describes, in terms of all the positivity and stuff, so, sorry about that. Haha. I always responded negatively to that too. Like I said, it's really hard for me to describe HOW I realized all of that, I just... did over time. Just keep working on it man! Find ways you think will help you, talk to someone if you're not already. I still don't think I can make it to the other side but, I know I have to try. If I don't.... it's the ultimate form of failure, why would I want to be a failure? So, I try. Or, at least try to convince myself to try.

Sorry ahead of time if this didn't help still. I tried to articulate my thoughts as well as I could. Haha.

Hey friend,

Try to meditate. It really helps. But be careful, that you don't sit with your eyes closed, and start to think about how you are anxious about everything. No. Just sit there for 20 minutes (set the timmer) and count your breath. Try focusing on it being long enough, and not abrupt as in panic attacks.

You have to accept one thing. Nothing will make you happy in the outside world. You need to be happy with yourself. Our time on this planet is limited, if you want to be friends with one person, let it be yourself.

I don't want to force any religion upon you, and I am atheist myself, but living on this planet with nothing to put faith in can be really hard. If you believe in something, trust it with your whole heart. Say 'Jesus, I believe in you' or even better, 'I believe in myself'. And really do. Act as you know best for yourself. Never do anything for others. Have the courage to do as you want.

And remember. You are not worst than anyone. The greatest leaders were all depressed in some time of their lives. In order to be happy,
one has to feel down sometimes. I haven't read this book yet, but if you feel like it's interesting give it a try A first-Rate Madness

Happy Birthday from New Zealand my friend!

I will give you two gifts this day:

Gift One: Watch, or read, Yes Man. It's a bit predictable and lame-yet this made my life better when I was in a dark place.

Gift Two: Happiness comes from you. To be happy, act happy-the emotions will follow.

Strangely enough, it's not self-esteem you need to work on, but your perceived self-worth. (your self-worth never actually changes, but your own perception of your self-worth can go up and down.) When you are able to really love yourself, the self-esteem follows.

The best book that I've ever read that addresses Self-Worth (in the very first chapter, no less) is Everyday Enlightenment: http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Enlightenment-Twelve-Gateways-Personal/dp/0446674974/

It's $10 from Amazon.com and totally worth it, imho. Try reading this book and then put what you learn there into practice. (and I'm serious about practicing what the book recommends. You can't just read it and have it magically change you overnight...)

Good luck!

Don't know if I can come up with a particular definition per se, but I think this book does an interesting job of creating a list of factors that contribute to happiness. It's a quick, easy read but I found myself reflecting on my own life at several points.

Intrinsic talent is only one tiny piece of the puzzle. Practice, skill, and passion take you a whole lot farther. You can be a good writer if you want to - you just need to find an excuse to do it most days, if not every day. You might not get hired right off the bat as an unseasoned 18-year-old with no higher education, but that doesn't mean you won't make it someday.

You are not ruined. You made a mistake, and now you're going to deal with the consequences constructively and let the lesson help you grow as a person.

You should read this book. Since you have bad-to-mediocre grades, you might well be well-served by spending a year at community college in order to prove that you can handle schoolwork, but any of the schools in that book would be excellent places to transfer.

PM me if you want to talk about writing careers more. I don't know a ton, but I am a professional writer with a bit of an unusual background, and maybe I can give you some advice.

Yes, it's a pretty easy read too. A little clinical at times, but well written.

You can find it on Amazon,

http://www.amazon.com/Bright-Red-Scream-Self-Mutilation-Language/dp/0140280537/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1346138291&sr=8-1&keywords=a+bright+red+scream

And if you can't find it, or for some reason aren't able to get it online, send me a message and I can send you my copy. Definitely worth reading.

I highly recommend checking out this book: Freedom From the Known. It's about fear and a lot of other very helpful topics having to do with living. It's not wacky. If you don't want to buy, go to libgen and get it for free. You can get many books for free. It's Russian but you don't need to know the language to use the site to download pdfs for free. It's amazing. I've been where you're at. I'm not too far from it that I've forgotten the agony and the despair. Arm yourself with wisdom. It's the only way. You can't escape. You can't ignore. You must work your way through the motherfucker. You had the strength and honesty to articulate your problem. You can make it. Write anytime. I'm old and lonely and I've suffered a lot during my long life but I've never wanted to kill myself. I would make me feel good about myself for a few seconds if I knew I'd been helpful to someone.

I would recommend:
http://www.amazon.com/Taming-Your-Outer-Child-Self-Defeating/dp/0345514483 for a good idea of how emotions and behavior work and interact.
http://www.amazon.com/Stubbornly-Refuse-Yourself-Miserable-Anything/dp/0818404566/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1381271882&sr=1-1&keywords=stubbornly+refuse to help change your perspective

I come back with a book recommendation for meditation: Everyday Zen, by Charlotte Joko Beck. She speaks plainly, without unnecessary mysticism, and explains a proper way of thinking really well.

http://www.amazon.com/Everyday-Zen-Love-Work-Plus/dp/0061285897

I'm sure you could torrent a pdf or something, though I liked holding the book in my hands and reading it. It may be at your library, too.

I would recommend these, I have read through them and found them very useful:

http://www.amazon.com/Managing-Anxiety-Dummies-Graham-Davey/dp/1118366069/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419408745&sr=8-1&keywords=Managing+Anxiety+with+CBT+for+dummies

http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Your-Workplace-Stress-CBT-based/dp/0415671787/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1419408931&sr=1-2&keywords=CBT+workplace

http://www.amazon.com/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind/dp/1400078393/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1419408825&sr=1-1&keywords=learned+optimism

Relevant reading material: The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts

I hate hate haaaate it when I am told that same line. If you want to engage it, remind them it's like telling someone with a broken leg who can't run to get over it.

When I was a teenager, I kept a couple of hotlines on hand if I had the urge to cut. Two I remember were The Samaritans (whom also do email!), and another called Nineline, whose number is literally 1-800-999-9999. This may be a resource to consider keeping in mind. There are several out there.

I am in my late 20s now, and I just went to group therapy for the first time. Though I do prefer individual therapy, the benefit I received from it was being in a room full of people whom confirmed my feelings were not unique. If you want to reach out to people, or break isolation, but are having trouble doing so, you may benefit like I did.

A book you might like that was given to me as a teen was Ophelia Speaks. It's a collection of essays by teenage girls about issues they face. My sister presented a copy to me when I came out regarding my depression. http://www.amazon.com/Ophelia-Speaks-Adolescent-Girls-Search/dp/0060952970/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1398210348&sr=8-1&keywords=ophelia+speaks

you might find this book interesting: Will to Meaning

It sounds like we're in the same boat. I was on Lexapro for about 4 days but that felt like it was going to kill me. I'm on Wellbutrin now. It's a step in the right direction & I definitely feel much better than before the medication. But I still don't feel right. If before I was dead, now I'm the walking dead. I'm up and about, but this isn't me.


I think that what I really need is to get my exercise routine back. However I can't bring myself to go to the gym for more than a few days. I figured someone here might be feeling the same & have an idea...

My current plan - which isn't great - is to keep adding external stimuli. If the goal is to go to the gym 3 days a week, then I would plan out the time. Wake up and take something like this. I don't know how much it will help with the actual workout, but it has to be enough to get me out of the house! I came here looking for a better plan, but I guess this is what it is for now.

[Notes from the Nervous Breakdown Lane]
(http://www.amazon.com/Notes-Nervous-Breakdown-Lane-Brown/dp/0060960140/ref=sr_1_9?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1331626695&sr=1-9&tag=bookforyoudm-20)

Take it from a pro -- I've failed many, many times -- just keep on keepin on. I once read that success can simply mean getting up one more time than you fall.

Another valuable adage i recently came across was in a Special Forces book: If you fail to prepare, then you prepare to fail.

May not apply to you because there's only so much information in your post, but Susan Anderson wrote a book that's really helped me out over the years, called "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life".

An excerpt, from page 71:
>... The more time that passes, the longer your needs go unmet, the more your body and mind ache for all that you've lost. No matter how hard people try to hold themselves together, a profound sense of loss intrudes on every waking moment.
>
The effects of withdrawal are cumulative and wavelike. They often have to get worse before they can get better, a point lost on friends who expect to see your desperation dissipate, not mount day after day.