(Part 3) Top products from r/infertility

I've had to take a fairly similar strategy. I vent like crazy online and to friends who get it, but I don't think anyone in my family or any of my friends realize quite how much inner turmoil I have. I do a lot of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy with my patients, and I felt like it would be incredibly hypocritical of me to be encouraging my patients to do exposures while actually doing a lot of avoidance in my own life. I wish I'd read this book (Coping With Infertility, Miscarriage, and Neonatal Loss: Finding Perspective and Creating Meaning) right after my miscarriage, but over time I did a lot of what it recommends just based on the techniques I use with my own patients.

I was, of course, pregnant at the same time as my best friend, and she, of course, has a healthy nearly one year old. But I love her dearly, and even though she's said some things that have really hurt me, I just can't distance myself from her.

My youngest older brother also had his first a month or two before mine would have been born. Every time I see my nephew is a reminder that there should have been two other babies in our family that same age. But I love my nephew and my brother and my sister in law, and I love spending time with them even though it breaks my heart.

And to top it off, I naively signed up for two rotations from July - December 2016 that had me working with pregnant and postpartum women every wednesday (I didn't know about my Asherman's yet, but honestly I would have done it anyway). This really strengthened my compartmentalization skills, because I had to set aside my feelings to be able to really be there for my patients. My hardest day was when I had to work a patient I had seen in January earlier that year. Back then, she was just a week or two behind me in her pregnancy, and we were both having bleeds and she was worried she had miscarried. Well, despite all her various risk factors, she delivered a healthy live baby and I miscarried. I had to take a walk after that appointment, but I survived it, and I survived seeing her again. And I really love Perinatal Psychiatry, and want it to be part of my career. I don't want what I'm going through to completely derail my plans.

However, while my personal strategy has been to bombard myself with exposure, I do try not to push that on anyone else. We're all at different places in our journeys, and like you said, sometimes space is absolutely the right thing, and some people are not worth keeping in our lives.

Absolutely. This is my first post trying to link something click here for the amazon link. Hopefully that works.
You basically eat fruits, vegetables, and meat. You cut out bread and grains, dairy and processed sugar for 30 days. It is a tad extreme for some people but if you are not a picky eater there are amazing recipes out there. I follow an instagram account called Nomnompaleo and she is amazing, her recipes are super tasty and got me through the harder days of the whole 30. I had already cut a lot of dairy so that part was easy for me, the sugar part was hard.

Hopefully I have explained it well enough. Pinterest is full of ideas and recipes and youtube and instagram have tons of amazing people doing the Whole 30 that support people trying it. I found that it really helped and I am planning to start one in the next few days. Just getting all of the food supplies ready.

If you have any more questions let me know :)

Oooh, I looooove board games. From what you're describing I feel like Ticket to Ride could work really well; there are a good amount of instructions but they're pretty easy to follow along with (it's mostly for scoring purposes).

For something way more light/fun, there's also Sushi Go! or Love Letter -- they're both card-based games that look deceptively simple but are never played the same way twice. My wildcard choice would be Carcassonne, which is definitely more of a hard sell -- you build a Medieval French town with picture tiles -- but I promise is really, really fun. Again, the scoring is where it gets slightly more complicated, and it can be intimidating-looking, but the game is really fantastic. Lots of strategy and luck needed, and it's a really unique experience.

Whatever this is for sounds like it'll be a lot of fun!

I really enjoy her books so I'm glad I can look for this one! Another friend said she recently read "Delicious!" by Ruth Reichel. https://www.amazon.com/Delicious-Novel-Ruth-Reichl/dp/0812982029/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1468799125&sr=8-1&keywords=delicious+ruth+reichl It's a novel but her biographies about being a food critic are really great as well.

Today I made brownies and butterscotch walnut bars for our doctor and the staff. I wanted to express our appreciation for the last 2 years of visits, emails and general hand holding as we get closer to procedures.

I adore molasses anything. I have never tried tea cakes, but I will now! There's a friend who has a younger daughter around 9 years old, and she loves to bake. So this fall I'm going to start spending one or two Saturdays a month with her baking things that we want to try or that might be beyond her skills right now. She was lamenting this morning that her meringue broke yesterday and she was disappointed that she didn't get a 3 inch meringue on her cupcakes. I love her!

I've never made tea cakes but they look a lot like Mexican Wedding cookies, which use almonds. I can eat those by the dozen!

Hi there!

I'm so sorry to hear about your anxiety. I can definitely relate as I also struggle with panic attacks and anxiety and the infertility treatment process has been challenging in that regard.

This reply will be long, but hopefully helpful. I'm also on mobile so bear with me re: formatting/autocorrects...

If you need to take mental health breaks I recommend doing so. I've taken a few- a month here or there over the last three years and it can help. But, if you take a break you should also be doing what you can to address the anxiety itself, otherwise a break won't help.

If you don't address the anxiety on its own terms, returning to treatment will bring the anxiety back with it.

If you haven't already, find a therapist or counsellor who deals with anxiety and (if possible) who understands and works with infertility. Most fertility clinics will have a list of therapists they recommend.

If you don't have the financial resources for a therapist there are cognitive behavioural things you can do on your own to help. I recommend doing these even if you do have a therapist as they can provide coping tools in the moment you are having anxiety.

There are a number of apps that can be helpful. Anxiety BC (a government sponsored mental health resource in Canada) had a great mobile app with a number of tools for anxiety and panic attacks. You can find it here. It is geared toward teens and young adults but is usable and applicable to people in all stages of life. You just might see examples that mention school stress etc.

Pacifica is also a good free app with anxiety tools. As is Stop, Breath, Think (which focuses on mindfulness). All of these apps are free. They have in app purchases but the free resources are more than enough.

There is a desktop and mobile compatible site I use sometimes when I know I need to work on breathing. http://xhalr.com you can use the settings to time the length of inhale, paused and exhales to your comfort level. I recommend 4-2-6 or 6-2-6 seconds. The interface is minimalistic and soothing. I use it at my desk when I feel panic coming. Many people find this kind of breathing can alleviate panic attacks like you are experiencing.

If, like me, focusing on your breath when you are already in a panic attack makes things worse not better, try a grounding exercise. I use one I call "5 things". You can say it out loud if you have privacy or you can do it in your mind while you are in public.

To do this, simply focus on 5 things for each sense. So, you say to yourself. "What are 5 things I feel?", and list them. "I feel the fabric of my pants on my thighs, I feel my feet in on the ground, wind on my skin, i feel tingles in my hands, etc" just any 5 sensations you feel in your body. Then 5 things you see, hear etc. Repeat as necessary.

There are also some workbooks you can get and work with on your own if therapy isn't an option.
My therapist recommends reading Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy to get a sense of the basics of cognitive behavioural therapy. This is an older book (1980's ish) but is a good foundation. Not everything in the book will apply to everyone, and no book should be considered a replacement for working with a qualified professional, but I find them helpful for adding to my mental toolkit.

A doctor once gave me Mind Over Mood which is a helpful workbook with concrete exercises to get you practicing CBT. This can be very helpful.

**edited from desktop to add links

Hi. I'm so sorry to hear about your two blocked tubes, but well done on you and your OBGYN for having the tests done early! Having a diagnosis is a very good thing.

Here's the major problem with your diagnosis: The surest way for you to get pregnant is IVF, with or without surgery to remove your blocked tubes (probably with). However, most insurance doesn't cover IVF. Insurance probably would cover surgery to open your tubes, but this is a technically difficult surgery with a mediocre success rate, your risk of ectopic will be higher than normal, and you won't know whether it worked until you've tried for several more months. The screwed up insurance system in the US sets up a lot of perverse incentives for couples with infertility, and this is just one of them. Dr. Sher writes briefly about this dilemma in his book.

Anyway, definitely visit an RE, as everyone else says, and if they recommend surgery to open your tubes, ask about their success rates. It may end up being a good choice for you.

Though my HSG showed no blockage, I eventually had both tubes removed due to subsequent infections (it's complicated). I had IVF in February and it appears to have been successful. It's been one of the most unpleasant ordeals of my entire life, but the end is in sight for me. I wish you the very best luck. Please keep up updated.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I am also hopeful that deciding to stop pursuing treatment will help you regain some sense of control.

I have recommended this book before but still think it was the only infertility book that actually helped me. They had unexplained infertility but once they decided they were done treatment, they went back on birth control - why? Because, as you said, the sliver of hope took away their ability to truly move on.

http://www.amazon.com/Sweet-Grapes-Being-Infertile-Living/dp/0944934234

Much hope for your happy and meaningful future

Medication definitely has a role to play. Having negative previous experiences in therapy is tough but a lot of it does come down to fit and really wanting to be there (as opposed to sent there by mom or some other well-intentioned person). I think you guys are definitely not on the same page when it comes to the role of dreams and part of it that is down to your personal histories, part of that is down to how dreams were approached in your families of origin and part of that is your history together. But people change over time and the conclusions both of you came to years ago may no longer be relevant. Even if he won't go to therapy, can I encourage you to pick up John Gottman's book. He talks in there about reconciling dreams and provides some examples and exercises that a couple could do.

Oh, I wish mine was that easy! He's a very practical guy, not into sports or cars or games (some games but not a huge gamer). Most everything he wants we just buy because it's practical stuff. So, I had a shirt designed like a hoodie that he wanted, but the shirt was MUCH cheaper and I got to make it look better. =P And I ordered [this] (http://www.amazon.com/How-Speak-Wookiee-Intergalactic-Communication/dp/1452102554) after seeing it at Target. And I'm making him a [man crate] (http://www.mancrates.com/), but cheaper and with more stuff: jerky, trail mix, his favorite Bert's Bees, freeze dried fruit. Trying to think of more stuff, but it's actually A LOT. His birthday IS Valentine's Day so that's why he's getting so much. =P

Hi there.

1. In clinical practice, I usually use this book to see if there is any information about the particular translocation (some more common ones, such as Robertsonians, have a lot of info). I also take a look at the medical literature, but unfortunately for a lot of cases this information isn't available, which I wish it was.
   
2. Oof, yes, it is complex. What you learn in high school is genetic material duplicates, chromosomes line up in a neat little line, cell division happens, then it happens again and you are left with an egg or sperm with 23 chromosomes. But then when you start thinking that the DNA needs to get tightly wrapped up to make the chromosomes, that protein machinery made up of 10s if not 100s of proteins (all from genes themselves) duplicates the DNA, that that neat little line is actually a bunch of proteins as well, and that cell division has to be carefully orchestrated and that sometimes chromosomes don't separate properly, it can get very complicated and there are tons of opportunities just for that to not work properly before we even get to fertilization or embryo development.

Looks like you've already got lots of great advice to keep it private; I'll add my vote to that.

I'll also add that a female engineer friend of mine recommended this book: http://www.amazon.com/Lean-In-Women-Work-Will/dp/0385349947

I haven't read it yet (on my long list!), but apparently a major point is that women often withdraw from leadership/jobs/etc earlier than when they have to (i.e. volunteering that they are trying for kids, etc) and hence end up unintentionally sacrificing career advancement.

Anyways, good luck tomorrow!

My mother-in-law gave us this book- http://www.amazon.co.uk/Get-Life-Hers-Survival-Guide/dp/1409155013/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1452112539&sr=8-1&keywords=get+a+life

My husband found it really helpful, it's split into "his" and "hers" sections, which he liked because he felt (somewhat fairly) that men get kind of ignored in this process, and it gives the process from the man's point-of-view as well. The couple who wrote it are in the UK, so a few little things are different (I'm in Ireland, so it applied to us) but the basics are the same, and my husband really found it helpful as it's a man's view through the whole process (and it's easily readable, he finished it in a day or so.)

A few weeks ago my co-worker and I were talking about books and realized we both like dark and quirky books (like Gone Girl and In a Dark Dark Wood). She recommended I read [The Couple Next Door] (https://www.amazon.com/Couple-Next-Door-Novel/dp/0735221103), and the other day she brought it in for me to read. I didn't realize it was going to be a book revolving around a baby...who was kidnapped lol. I decided to give it a try anyway and it's actually really good, though it could be super triggering for some. It's kind of like Handmaid's Tale, it's like I don't know why I like this but I can't look away!

That is a lot to absorb at once, I'm so sorry.

Not totally sure of the circumstances, but I am working from the assumption that you are in the US and that this treatment has to do with recurrent loss. If both of those assumptions hold, you might consider checking out Mary Stephenson at UIC (Chicago). Assuming what your RE thinks you need is not explicitly barred in the US, she might be able to help - or even offer alternatives. I read about her work in Jon Cohen's book on miscarriage and recurrent loss, and she does some really interesting work. She originally was based in Canada, but moved to Chicago. Anyhow, if I were to have another loss, I've entertained trying to see her. Even REs don't really specialize in miscarriage very often.

Anyhow, feel free to disregard if this does not fit with what you are talking about. No matter what, sending lots of hugs!

This book, Why We Get Fat, is amazing, in my humble opinion.

Also, r/keto has been very informative and instructive. I recommend their Keto in a Nutshell and FAQ.

I read this comment and remembered the Lefthanded Crosswords book I saw in the bookstore the other day! Added that to the list :)

Hi, I don't have any personal experience with trying to have a child as a transgender man, but I thought I'd recommend this book to you because I think it might have a lot of information pertinent to your situation: Where's the Mother? Stories from a transgender dad?

As for IVF, I have gone through that. They need to retrieve eggs, and unless there has been some fancy advance in science that I missed, they cannot retrieve embryos. That's not a thing. they can retrieve your eggs, fertilize them in vitro, and then freeze them for when you are ready to use them. Keep in mind that (especially for many of us) that does not guarantee a pregnancy.

I hope this helps.

This specific journal lays in out in a page per day format. It's nicer in person than it looks. Has a linen cover and ribbon page marker. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0991846206/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1492787659&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=5+minute+journal

Maybe it depends on which meds you're taking. I have less stuff that needs to go in the fridge, so I use this shoe organizer on the back of a closet door. My house is tiny, so otherwise it would be on a table where I'd constantly have to look at it. I didn't get Pinterest-y with it though, just bought it and hung it up, lol.

You don't have many options without going into sex-ed. Maybe look into purchasing a children's book on infertility?