(Part 3) Top products from r/ptsd

I am so very sorry that you are going through this. My husband did the same thing to me six months ago. It was very unexpected and I felt like my whole world was turned upside down (which I would have thought was impossible since it already had been completely altered by the PTSD). He had been my rock throughout it all, and now he is gone.

It sucks so bad to be in the place you are right now. I wish I could hug you through the internet. I am not going to lie to you and say that the pain will go away soon. It is still a raw wound for me. Even so, I still have found happy moments with other friends and family. I have laughed and appreciated beauty and challenged myself to grow in new directions. Despite all the pain, life is still an adventure.

I have learned that I am stronger than I ever realized. I always gave him so much credit for "getting me through." While I am very appreciative for the support he did give me for the past two years of my PTSD crisis, he isn't the one who actually made me survive. I got me through by working hard, committing to health, therapy, and healing from this trauma. I am willing to bet that if you look hard at your progress you can say the same thing. No one can make us get better, so if we are surviving, if we are still here, then it is our strength that allowed us to do so.

Two books that have helped me are listed below. One is for the PTSD, the other is for healing from a divorce. I hope they may provide you with some tools for this difficult time.

Please feel free to PM me if you want to talk. Best wishes for better days ahead.

1. [8 Keys to safe trauma recovery] (http://www.amazon.ca/Keys-To-Safe-Trauma-Recovery/dp/0393706052)
   
   
2. [Rebuilding when your relationship ends] (http://impactpublishers.com/product/43/Rebuilding.html)

Try the ice cube trick if the anxiety ever hits and you have a drink handy. I just hold an ice cube in my left hand until it melts. Can still shake hands and everything but the ice cube seems to force my heart to slow down a bit. My best guess is that it triggers the Mammalian Diving Reflex and turns off whatever is derailing.

That trick came from a Viet Nam Vet, has been a huge help as time has gone on.

As for things sticking around, now that I'm well into my 40's the flashbacks and nightmares seem to have slowed to almost nothing - though they can still get triggered by trauma anniversary and other surprises. I have one trauma around a car accident so anytime the brakes squeal behind me I get to have a fun day.

Totally agree that basic Meditation is necessary to get through, can't see it ever being accepted in the public school system here in the US though - hell some places refuse to teach Evolution.

I also think that Philosophy has helped me cope some - Epictetus and Marcus Aurelius have been incredibly helpful reading to sort of adjust the way I see the world these days. I highly recommend the two following books:

http://www.amazon.com/Enchiridion-Dover-Thrift-Editions-Epictetus/dp/0486433595
http://www.amazon.com/Meditations-Thrift-Editions-Marcus-Aurelius/dp/048629823X

Ah. I seriously hadn't even noticed you were the same guy. Some very impressive deductive skills right there, ha ha! But I'm very happy that we got off so much better in this thread actually.

And yeah, I'm a bit sorry it went sour like that as well. It's not like I was behaving terribly enlightened in that threat. It's good of you to be forgiving like that. Thanks:)

And no, for most people the symptoms of PTSD never entirely go away. In fact one of the things my therapist used to stress was exactly the point that the symptoms - in all likelihood - would stay, and that the main purpose of the therapy was helping me find good ways to deal with this fact.

And yes, meditating specifically before a social event is something I do as well. Sometimes it seems to do little difference, but at other times it has been extremely helpful.

Like recently, for instance, - when a friend visited and out of the blue told me about his brothers sudden death, which I didn't know about yet. It was heavy stuff, of course, and he cried and freaked out a bit. But having meditated before his arrival, although I was just expecting us to have a beer and listen to new records, - it made a ton of difference. This way, being more calm and centered, I could actually help and comfort him, - instead of just panicking myself.

For this, and many other reasons, I actually think that basic meditation skills (non-religious) should be be part of public schooling. Some scientific work seems to point to the fact that if children are taught basic self-awareness/mindfulness techniques, - if they later in life are subjected to traumatic events, the likelihood of them developing PTSD is A LOT smaller.

If interested in this sort of stuff (scientists trying to figure out how to make meditation part of Western school curriculae), this book served me as a good place to start - although it is a few years old already:

http://www.amazon.com/Destructive-Emotions-Scientific-Dialogue-Dalai/dp/0553381059/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1370433763&sr=8-2&keywords=negative+emotions

Hey there, sorry to hear about your accident and subsequent return of symptoms.

This book is geared toward clinicians, but it was the first one that came to mind. It may have some helpful information for your situation: http://www.amazon.com/The-Body-Bears-Burden-Dissociation/dp/0415641527 (check your local library for a copy, that is where I came across this originally)

I hope that this helps, and I wish you strength and support in your recovery!

> Peter Breggin has built a career on antipsychiatry. Yes, he's a psychiatrist; he's also a hired gun in legal cases as an expert witness blaming psychiatric medications and ECT. That doesn't mean he can't be right or can't have a point, but he has a definite objective and a lucrative six decade career on the line as a contrarian.

If that's the line of argument that is going to be pursued, ok, what was said is true. But you can also find psychiatrists with a lucrative career who at the time were pretty much in favor of the current treatments. If you go to the book "mad in america" on amazon.com,

https://www.amazon.com/Mad-America-Medicine-Enduring-Mistreatment/dp/0465020143/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1523327241&sr=1-1&keywords=mad+in+america

Then go to "look inside" , go to pg 265, starting with the heading "eye on the castle", you can see the example of a psychiatrist who made a lot of money working for the pharmaceutical industry and doing research that had some ethical problems and that helped the industry. The preview of this part of the book only shows up to pg. 268, but that at least shows some of the information in case someone is interested.

Art therapy has been my supplement to trauma therapy and it really, really helps. If I were you, I’d consider getting a second therapist or purchasing an art therapy book.

This is the workbook I’ve been using with my art therapist.

If you haven’t already, you ought to make an appointment with a psychiatrist who has experience with trauma. For reference (as someone with both complex PTSD and multiple acute traumas), I take neurontin as needed for hyper-vigilance, latuda for paranoia, trazodone for insomnia/nightmares, and lexapro as my main “PTSD drug”.

Best of luck! Don’t hesitate to message me if you have any questions on supplemental/alternative therapies. I’ve been doing all this shit for two years now and I’ve been (generally) pretty successful.

So basically, right after you feel ok. You might have cried a bit, you might have ranted a bit. Whatever. You recover. Over the next couple days, the reprocessing part kicks in. Depending on who you are, and how severe the trauma, your mood may range from normal to slightly grumpy to heavy-duty PMS. She should be prepared to be emotional in the days following. If she will be going every week, you will see a pattern most likely. From normal immediately after, to moody, to back to normal if not improved before the next session and so on. It is not going to be easy, but it will be relatively quick. The longer it's been since the trauma, the more sessions and work it will take to treat. Persevere. Some days, she's going to be very resistant to going, some days she may be fine. Don't give up, don't quit until you're done. Go for as long as you need to, and the better off you'll be. http://www.amazon.com/EMDR-Breakthrough-Movement-Therapy-Overcoming/dp/0465043011 This book is what clued my mom into the treatment, and it explains how it works, and I think how to deal with triggers in the moment.

This book–Betrayal Bond, Revised: Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships–by Patrick Carnes PhD should help you out. It seems that there will be an upcoming revision next year, but I would follow his research and work anyways if you can access it!

This is quite common in people who have had relationships as yours, most specifically ones who had trauma in their childhoods. If you were abused as a kid, abandoned, etc... That kind of thing will really throw you into an area that is definitely trauma related. I highly recommend this book, as does my own trauma recovery therapist. Good luck to you.

EDIT: If you want to find a therapist specialized in this, I would recommend finding one that is CSAT certified to help partners of sex addicts. This doesn't diagnose her as an addict. It finds treatment geared toward what you're doing through, though. Some main authorities on this subject are Patrick Carnes and Douglas Weiss, and they help certify folks.

The ones that have helped me the most:

Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal by Belleruth Naparstek

http://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Heroes-Survivors-Trauma-They/dp/0553383744

The Trauma Tool Kit: Healing PTSD from the Inside Out by Susan Pease Banitt

http://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Tool-Kit-Healing-Inside/dp/0835608964/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408389271&sr=1-1-fkmr0&keywords=susan+pease+bannit

Before the World Intruded: Conquering the Past and Creating the Future, A Memoir by Michele Rosenthal

http://www.amazon.com/Before-World-Intruded-Conquering-Creating/dp/0615624383/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408389393&sr=1-1&keywords=michele+rosenthal

I'm looking forward to reading some Bessel van der Kolk and Peter Levine soon too.

https://www.amazon.com/Aftermath-Violence-Remaking-Susan-Brison/dp/0691115702

Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--From Domestic Abuse to Political Terror https://www.amazon.com/dp/0465061710/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_qHTzCbKRG56M8

This book helped me immensely. Having a therapist who understands the principles in this book and is “trauma informed” is imperative too.

LucydDreaming - Regarding your fibromyalgia - maybe take a look at Dr. John Sarno and his work with TMS. His idea is basically that many ailments such as back pain are manifestations of anger. Do you feel angry? If not, you might be expressing your anger physically rather than feeling it emotionally. He talks a lot about back pain - but his work also applies to other conditions such as fibromyalgia. Also take a look at Steve Ozanich's book: https://www.amazon.com/Great-Pain-Deception-Faulty-Medical/dp/0615462219 That one is really good and very detailed. He even talks about his own trauma and how that manifested into a zillion different physical problems - and how he eventually healed himself with Dr.Sarno's principles.

From my research I have found that a lot of people who have PTSD are also diagnosed with fibromyalgia sometime AFTER their trauma. I'm not a doctor - so I don't know if it would help you or not. But I figure a $10 ebook - worth a shot?

For me - I had so many bizarre symptoms after my trauma - new allergies, chronic pain, at one point I was so exhausted and weak I was bedridden for 7 months! Now I think it was simply a physical manifestation of my extreme emotional pain.

Everyone, thank you for your nice comments. I never would have thought I would be able to look at my PTSD this way - ever.

You seem to have a balanced perspective between your needs and others capabilities. ;)

Some may think you cynical, but I see pragmatism and clear reality.

>The fact that they don't want to talk about it or apologize tells me that even though my aunt divorced him, they still don't really believe me.

From experience, when there is a sexual predator in a household the spouse denies any knowledge and acts as a cover. Your aunt is probably very guilty for her past complicity in not protecting you. She will flip and flop from believing you to believing what she did was right to believing it was all a nightmare...to flipping out and going shopping.

Until she has it straight in her head and can handle reality she will just scapegoat you as the trouble maker.

Abuse survivors crave and seek reassurance that what happened to them has been recognised and yet the people who knew will run the other way. Never underestimate the levels to which folks will delude themselves to quell cognitive dissonance and escape from the reality that they have been Evil and Wrong.

You may find it helpful to read Philip Zimbardo's book "The Lucifer Effect: Understanding How Good People Turn Evil".

Peer pressure is a big issue, as is authoritarian pressure. They can make angels into devils and they will swear that what they have done could not be wrong because ... angel!

I would hazard a guess that in the past your Grandmother was about and no one wanted her upset, but now she is either dead or reduced markedly in her status, probably in an old folks home?

Shifts in the status of an Alpha Figure can allow change such as divorce to happen easily, and leave many dealing with past complicity in keeping the Alpha Happy at the expense of others.

My betting is you are dealing with many dynamics that always put you out on the edge, and frankly, you have every right to be pissed.

Getting passed the pissed stage often comes with understanding the dynamics and how others have been playing chess with many players. Forgive and forget is often a bully defence and delivered whilst standing on a rug with 10 feet of detritus supposedly hidden under it.

Remember, Understand and Be Vigilant and not be held back is the best motto.