(Part 2) Top products from r/self

This is very important and serious stuff.

The first question you need to answer is: "Do I want to live my life with a woman who doesn't love me?" You DESERVE to live your life with a woman who loves you, but whether you want that is up to you. I guess there are people who are happy to have a loveless marriage. If this is you, ignore the rest of my comment.

If you want to live your life with a woman who loves you, understand that this was part of the deal you accepted in marriage: to be loved in return. Right now you are not receiving your part of the deal, and that's not fair to you. She also deserves to live her life with a man she loves, and anything less isn't fair to her, either. If she can't ever give you that love, then the appropriate course of action is to end the marriage and find someone who CAN do that for each other.

But I hear that you want to work on it, and that's a great course of action. It's totally possible for you guys to change so that she can rediscover those feelings of affection.

My point is that this is a very serious situation. In the long run, this will end in unhappiness and probably divorce. Facing that kind of future, it's OK to take drastic action here. In fact, this is the time when you SHOULD be taking drastic action! People change jobs, move houses, and even move states to save their marriages. This is THAT kind of action time.

No matter what, I can promise you that just waiting to "see where things go" is going to end in unhappiness and divorce, if you have any self respect. Without effort and (usually) help, "where things go" is more of the same. And that's not fair to you, to her, OR to your child. This will take work, and she has to be willing to do that work with you.

The most important thing is that both of you want to work on this. It won't work if it's just you. So sit down with your wife and talk about it. Tell her that she deserves to be in a relationship with a man she loves, you deserve to be in a relationship with a woman who loves you, and your child deserves to grow up with an example of a healthy, loving relationship. You want that woman, that relationship, to be the two of you together. If you can get her to agree to work with you to try and rekindle the affection between you, then it's a green light to go ahead. If she refuses, then there's actually no hope here.

Assuming you get that green light, this is how you work on a relationship:

• get to a couples therapist. I hear that she doesn't want to, but if she wants to work on the relationship, that's how you do it. Remember that this is a joint decision; just because she doesn't want to doesn't mean it's off the table if YOU want it. Saying she wants to fix the relationship but doesn't want to go to a therapist is like saying you want to fix the car but don't want to involve a repairman.
  
• While you hunt for a therapist (and it takes some looking to find someone you both like/trust), look for books and resources that can give you ideas for where to direct your efforts. You should BOTH be doing this. Some good resources: marriagebuilders.com, the 5 love languages, marriedmansexlife.com, No More Mister Nice Guy. These resources helped me and my wife recover our relationship, and there are others. Read them together.
  
• Set a weekly meeting time to talk about how you've been feeling about each other over the last week. put it on the calendar, and go out of the house for the meeting. This is when you can talk about what seemed to work, and what didn't. What moments where she felt good, and when she didn't.
  
• recognize that this is your problem too: you guys have built a relationship where only one side is feeling the love, and TOGETHER you have to fix it so that both sides feel it. She is feeling the symptoms, she can help you figure out where some of the problems lie, but you both will have to work to fix it.
  
• Work on yourself. Take up a hobby that you've always wanted to do, and return to an old hobby that you haven't gotten to do in a long time. Take the time to do things for you, because you deserve it. These activities seem trivial, but they go a long way towards anchoring you in this difficult time.
  
• Last, but I have to say it: sometimes people say "I love you, but I'm not IN love with you" because they've found someone else who gives them a hormonal rush the way you don't anymore. If your gut is telling you to be jealous of a male friend of hers, trust it and do what it takes to satisfy YOURSELF that there's nothing going on there.
  
  Good luck, friend.

Fuck it man, I feel like dropping a bunch of tips I have off the top of my head. Disorganized style.

I was a complete loner up until middle school. Found some guys that picked on me, but otherwise let me hang around them. I was the butt of their jokes, but that was enough for the attention. Then highschool came around, blah blah blah, really my point is, I know what lonely feels like. I haven't been long-term lonely for ages, but its a familiar feeling when it hits and I haven't talked to any friends for a week or I get left behind on weekend plans.

Here's my tips, in no particular order. This isn't a prescription, this isn't goddamn instructables. Also, I'm going to assume you're a man. Well, today you're a boy, but what you want to be is a man. (not like manly vs womanly, but like manly vs childish)

• Exersize. Build your testosterone. It's natures little motivation, attractiveness, happiness drug, and you don't need any shady dealer to get it, just work out. (also, if you're a gamer, think of testosterone as mana. Masturbating takes away your mana. Keep 'batin' and you'll never have full mana)
  
• Value your hobbies and encourage yourself towards the ones you like that are more social. Don't change who you are or stop painting warhammer figures, the point is to load up on conversational ammo; which is my next point:
  
• When you do things that make you happy, don't just smile to yourself, make it a habit to say to yourself, "OH MAN I CAN'T WAIT TO TELL SOMEONE ABOUT THIS!" If you're nervous, or just aren't terribly excited about sharing this with a person, practice on your dog, or a sock puppet. NOT YOUR SNAKE PUPPET YOU SICK FUCK, READ POINT 1
  
• Study things like How to Make Small Talk or learn body language because chances are you're missing out on a ton of the non-verbal and sub-text conversation that people, on a daily basis, have when meeting one another.
  
• Give self-improvement a shot /r/seduction, /r/getmotivated, /r/socialskills, or any of the fuck ton of other awesome communities reddit supports. A lot of them circlejerk or have pointless crap, but I know from my own experience there is a lot to offer if you really dig around and read, read, read.
  
• Once you've got these basics down, step up to more detailed things like, practicing your hygiene, fashion, and weekend activities. If you don't think those are important or relevant, you are without a doubt not aware of their connection to how people treat you. Go read on /r/loseit about how people transitioning from 250lbs to 150lbs notice how they're treated differently EVERYWHERE THEY FUCKING GO.
  
• Realize that there is never just one tip or quick fix for any significant frustration. It takes dedication and motivation (READ POINT 1) across many disciplines to truly truly become anyone you want to be.
  
  Where should you start? I want you to read this. specifically (and if its the only part you read that's good enough) part in the very beginning titled "MEET STYLE". Yes, the book is The Game. It is a super controversial book on the seduction community, and take it with a huge fucking grain of salt. Ultimately though, the book offers a great way to approach a problem of social frustration, but the specific 'seduction' methods are a mix of misguided and out of date. (That's not the section I remember reading, I'll try to find what I was thinking of, its some manifesto to self improvement) It was the one book that kicked off changing my social environment entirely. I now feel successful, happy, and confident to talk to any strangers and develop new friends. Also, no exceptions, watch the 1999 film Fight Club.
  
  MAKE TODAY THE DAY YOU FOUND THE RABBIT HOLE; TAKE THE RED PILL.

Read The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck. Then stop giving a fuck. Stop faking anything. Everything you wrote sounds like you are constantly adapting your words and actions based on what you think other people will react best to, but that only makes you seem fake. I admit, it's a vicious cycle, a negative feedback loop.

Be genuine. Learn to love yourself. But that's not just a switch you can flip, you have to become a loveable person, and you will naturally fall in love with yourself. Be genuinely interested in people: just listen to them. Stop thinking about what you will get out of the conversation, be selfless.

Another note: There's an opposite positive feedback loop that you want to start rolling. Think about it this way: Exercise makes you look better. Exercise makes you feel better. Exercise improves your mood. When your mood is improved, you are more interesting to other people. When you look better, you have more self-confidence. When you have more self-confidence, it comes off attractively to others. You don't crave their attention anymore. When you have more self-confidence, you feel better. When you feel better, you are more motivated to exercise and go to social events. When you go to more social events, it improves your mood. And on and on and on: they all build on each other. You have to jump start the process, force yourself to do one of these things and the others will follow.

A good book that is fun to read and has tons of anecdotes about scientific history is A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson

In a similar vein, you can ponder the more mind-bending aspects of our Universe with Stephen Hawkings A Brief History of Time

Other than that you may find some interesting things in the works of Carl Sagan or Richard Dawkins (I personally recommend Dawkins's The Selfish Gene)

If you are sick of scientific titles you can also check out Freakonomics or The Worldly Philosphers

These Books are all written for a general audience so they go down pretty easy.

Deciding which major in College can be tricky - I was lucky since I knew exactly what I wanted to study before I left High School, but maybe some ideas in these books will pique your interest. My parents always told me to go to school to study something I love, and not to train for a job. I'm not so sure this advice carries through in "recovering" economy. You may want to factor in the usefulness of your degree post-college (but don't let that be the only thing you consider!).

Good Luck, and enjoy!

While the dollar menu appears to be an economical way to eat, it really isn't food (mostly processed corn products, fat, and sugar). You are not getting nutrients from the dollar menu, only calories. Add to the fact toastybeast's point about future healthcare bills, and the dollar menu isn't even a good deal anymore.

Furthermore, while healthy pre-made food is expensive (and not always that healthy), healthy food you make at home is an awesome deal. Especially if you have a good farmer's market, local vegetables are cheap (especially if you don't care about them being organic). Packaged "Food products" are usually the most expensive items in your shopping cart, which you won't be needing anymore if you are eating healthy and cooking for yourself. Also, cutting down on meat consumption (a big factor in heart health) cuts down on your grocery bill.

For example: I can make 4 juicy hamburgers and sweet-potato french fries at home for the cost of one hamburger and fries at a diner, and mine have 1/4 the fat (and taste way better).

On average, Americans spend less of our income today on food than we did in the past. Think about all the things you spend money on that are way less important than your health. I bet you could probably afford to buy healthier food if you really tried.

Good Luck!

Ps. this bookis a good getting-started guide to eating healthy without having to really try that hard.

Disclaimer: I'll be talking my own experiences in hopes of helping you understand yours (as much as I can at least, because I'm far from healthy myself)

You sound like me, and I sound like this. I need to see a therapist about this and I'm not going to try to say that I know why you feel the way you do, but I do know how you feel.

Before I write anything else my biggest advice is never satisfy that fear of being alone with a committed relationship. And understand our species sexuality before getting into a committed relationship. I recommend Sex At Dawn, there's an audio book on audible too. The reason I say this is because I felt for years and years that if I found that right person I'd be happy. And when I did I was. And now I feel trapped and imprisoned and too scared for fear of the pain it will cause to do anything about it. I rushed into it because of my fear of being alone, and the fact that I get shockingly attached to new relationships. Sorry for the tangent but I don't want to see others make such mistakes.

I've realized things about myself (like codependency issues) that explain a lot about me. And I realized that I have been seeking to ease my own pain through alcohol, weed (its been about 4 years now though), and relationships. I recommend you learn about yourself with the help of a therapist. There's no shame in that at all. It takes quite a bit of courage to be honest.

I know what you mean about the attached/detached thing, they talk about it in the codependency link I shared. It's not healthy though. I know the feeling of meeting a girl, getting her contact, then as soon as we part ways I feel sick to my stomach with missing her and anxiety. I am very detached however with a lot of family members, like I can't express myself. It very debilitating.

Lastly, for now at least, don't be afraid to get out of your comfort zone and meet new people. You don't have to be everyone's friend but I find it very helpful to just talk to new people. Go out by yourself with the intention of having a good time - not to get laid, or make a friend, but just have a good time. If you talk a girl/guy and they reject you smile and wish them the best (verbally or non-verbally). If you get a weird look from someone laugh about it - odds are they are going through their own shit. They are not the "normal police" out to find people going through something.

There's so much more I'd like to say but it's getting long, but it helps me to write this shit out so I don't mind at all.

I think it's great! It's awesome to see the world through different eyes, even if it's still somewhat anonymous. People treat you differently.

If you're interested in reading more into this sort of perspective-shifting, Self-Made Man is a great book.

The Five Love Languages.

It's really helpful if you can get past the somewhat 'touchy feely' aspect of it. Definitely worth the read, especially if you get the version with the 'quiz' in the back. helps partners determine each others' love language.

Wings by Tom D. Crouch is good. He was the curator of the National Air & Space Museum (Smithsonian), and it's basically a history of all development of flight and flying machines.

If you liked The Right Stuff, I'd also recommend Man on the Moon. It's more specific to what follows the Mercury astronauts obviously (Gemini and Apollo), but it is quite good.

The Right Stuff movie is pretty good, too, if you haven't seen it. It's on Netflix Instant View (or at least was as recently as a few months ago).

My point is that teachers are underpaid. That, and we have never put a high enough value on the trades. High schools across the country have shut down their wood, metal, and industrial arts shops and are spending tons of money on technology. For a great alternate take on the value and importance of being able to work with your hands, see Shop Class as Soul Craft.

Hey man, sounds like you've had it rough. It's not a panacea but read this book, it can really help you re-frame things and get started on making some progress in your life. the truth is that no one can fix this but you. I'll send you a copy of the book if you p.m. me your address.

Yoooo dawg during my time I struggled too but this book helped alot idk if it'll help u but it certainly made it much more easier to go through n I really can't thank this book enough

https://www.amazon.ca/How-Become-Straight-Student-Unconventional/dp/0767922719

first of all, you are more than capable of doing well. if you plan well and work hard in a college environment, you will find success.

buy and read this book. take it seriously. it has some great advice.

go to class. no excuses. you will end up spending exponentially more time covering the material on your own than if you just went to class.

about the phone thing: i have trouble with it, too. you need to stay out of your room as much as possible and study in a public place, preferably a place where other students are studying (like a library). i can't stress this enough. every time you go into your room, you're going to end up wasting at least a half an hour on the internet (like i'm doing right now).

if at all possible, don't bring your phone or laptop or any internet-capable device with you to class or to the library. you can't get distracted by the internet if you don't have access to it. i'm twice as productive when i don't have my laptop with me. if you can afford it, buy hard copies of your textbooks.

Motivation and persistence trump everything.

Start reading about successful people. I'd suggest Mastery by Robert Greene

These books helped me:

https://www.amazon.com/10-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works/dp/0062265423

https://www.amazon.com/Real-Happiness-Meditation-28-Day-Program/dp/0761159258/ref=pd_sbs_14_t_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=SN2FXVZ6H0FJK2JRJZ16

As 10% Happier, it was helpful for me to hear a scientifically-based, non-religious, non-spiritual grounds for meditation.

It had a couple of downvotes, no big deal. The comment doesn't even touch on an adequate defense of Walmart though. If you are at all interested, I would suggest this book for a really informative read.

I never shopped at Walmart, until I read this book. One thing it really touches on is Walmart's absolute laser focus on the customer, which, as a customer, is something I can really get behind. It is possible to get really great deals on a variety of items at Walmart. I think it is a pretty wonderful store.

That Walmart is exploitative is arguable. On the one hand, it does pay bad wages, fights unions tooth and nail and doesn't do well in terms of benefits. On the other hand, as I alluded to above, Walmart is entering a voluntary arrangement with consenting adults, paying a legal wage for a legal job. It isn't at all clear to me what people who oppose Walmart want to happen. Force Walmart to pay employees more? This will drive up costs, that will in turn reduce the quality of life for poor people and/or it will cause Walmart to reduce headcount, close stores or use automation instead of workers. This will help some people (probably not current employees if wages are raised by too much as they could be outcompeted by incoming laborers) while hurting a wide variety of others.

Many redditors have a bad habit of reading a news article and believing that they are fully informed on a subject. "Oh, Walmart mistreats employees? I see that headline a lot, Walmart must suck" without ever really deeply considering the problem or getting real information (beyond a pulp news piece).

My daughters favorite book. Why Mosquitoes Buzz in People's Ears: A West African Tale
http://amzn.com/0140549056

This is a good source, I understand (I haven't started it yet)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Hitlers-Pope-Secret-History-Pius/dp/014026681X

i think i heard that the book talk to anybody is good.

A great book that really helped me understand why I was nitpicking at everything was 10% happier. After I understood that a quieter mind is a happier mind I started to quiet the mind when I went to sleep by focusing on my breath. No special positions, no chanting, no candles. Just focus on the breath. It helped me get faster to sleep and significantly improved my quality of live because of that (I used to turnover for half a night and be miserable at work the day after). Also I'd recommend The power of now by Eckart Tolle. It says it's a guide to spiritual enlightenment, but what I took from it was that you have to live for today, not tomorrow. Always planning ahead is quite exhausting. And it really opened my eyes about perspective.

for those with SAD, check out Happy Lights!

Last year (or the year before) I read the book Alien Agenda by Jim Marrs. He mentions these Pleiadians and the guy that communicates with them, Billy Meier. When I put that book down, I started googling Meier and read a ton of what he's written and what his "followers" have written. I haven't kept up with it for a while, but I found it all very interesting. Maybe you could check it out, speak their own language to them a bit? I'm going to get totally shit on here for knowing as much as I do about this.

Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely because it shows how fucked up your brain works.

Influence by Robert B. Cialdini because it shows you how our fixed action patterns are abused daily.