(Part 3) Top products from r/selfhelp

Part 2

As for figuring yourself out, I am still in the process. I've been told its a life long one. But I've learned more in the past couple months than the rest of my life. And here is what helped. Reading self help books. Various, but I'll list the ones with the biggest impact. Also personality typing books helped a lot. They may not be 100% accurate but they have accurately targeted thought processes that we all have and seeing them fully explained in a way that matched a majority of my life was chilling and revelating.

I'll warn you that spirituality and religion is rampant in self help books. Earlier in my life I found this repulsive and rejected a lot of things that could have helped me because I was a firm atheist. You know, I was a logical little kid and I believed in what I could see. I was calling bullshit on the whole god deal in junior high without any outside influences. I even used to go to church and I live in a very religious area, it just didn't jive with me. But I have realized that while spirituality often manifests itself in the form of religion, it is something that we all will have. Spirituality put simply is meaning in a seemingly meaningless universe. And you will want it. Before you die, you will want to know that it all mattered. For a lot of people they turn to religion. For other people they try to help others(HEY LOOK AT ME). As such a lot of the people that write self help books are religious and they insert God heavily into their texts. This does not invalidate anything they have to teach you. If you put down a book because the writer is religious then you are only hurting yourself. I do not extend this opinion to televangelists and the like. There are snakes in the field pretending to help people because its an easy way to make money. But mostly, the self help field is powered by people who really want to help others and who gives a fuck what they believe IF they can actually help people. The universe is fucking crazy if some people need religion to deal with it so what.

Personality typing is what I got to first.. it helped me recognize some of my motivations for the actions I take and the books on the personality types themselves are self help books. I prefer the enneagram to others and the best book to start with for that is Personality Types by Don Richard Riso. I've moved on a bit from this as I have more pressing concerns like finding a fitting occupation that I like but I will definitely return and explore. In understanding yourself, you can understand other people better. https://www.amazon.com/Personality-Types-Enneagram-Self-Discovery-Richard/dp/B00DO8TFAG/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1482784672&sr=1-1&keywords=Personality+Types%3A+Using+the+Enneagram+for+Self-Discovery+revised

Psycho-cybernetics Updated and Expanded by Maxwell Maltz. Once you understand a bit about how you work and what you want, how do you make yourself get there? This book is how. The whole book is based around one thing and how to apply it - what you think you become. It sounds kinda dumb but it is a truth. A man thinks about building a house, then he builds one. Everything that we've done started as an idea. We pull from the metaphysical(feelings, thoughts) to build from the physical(the universe). This includes our mind and body, because somehow the mind is (seems) metaphysical yet clearly relies upon physical matter that can be changed. So the mind can change itself. There is a section of the mind that operates autonomously, the sub conscious. This book aims to teach you about it and how to operate it. https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136/ref=pd_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=WBE8PSVGHBSQ7QSB80XT

Now I am working through the audio book of https://www.amazon.com/Days-Work-You-Love-Preparing/dp/1433669331 Its been very good so far and has a very practical workbook for figuring out what you really want to do. There is much philosophical thought on what work should be and really opened my eyes to what it could be. Before, I just needed money. I wanted something tolerable that made adequate dollars. But that may not be the way. As well it has much information on actually getting the job once you know what you want.

These may not resonate with you. Nobody made this list of books for me, I had to find it myself. I did read reviews and look at recommendations, but nobody said read this, this and this, and you'll be good to go. I don't think it works that way, but these are definitely great books.

You are reluctant to stop the weed because you were already like this before. What does that have to do with anything? If my foot is already hurting, and I go kick a door, it is just going to hurt worse. Regular weed use decreases motivation, its a fact. You can read studies if you need to see it to believe it. Slight impairments in pretty much all areas, which you definitely do not need if you are ADHD. Also some studies suggesting it can alter brain development for the worse. And not to mention the smoke.. You need your brain and lungs at 100%. You think these 19 years have sucked? Well you have a lot of years left. Conclude what you will. As for the anxiety and insomnia, I suggest ashwagandha. Its a godsend with no side effects. https://examine.com/supplements/ashwagandha/ If you get it, you need to make sure it says KSM 66 as that is the more effective version. It also varies per vendor but swanson is a good brand and the one I use.

Okay! You read my essay what now. Go to the doctor and get medicine. Yes they have side effects, yes they suck. But they work. First one doesnt work or the side effects too strong? Do not be complacent, change dose or change medication. Dose can be extremely important. On viibryd 40mg I have sleep paralysis and wake up after very short time leaving me extremely exhausted. Also insomnia. I've been on viibryd 20mg for 8 days and nearly all the negative effects have vanished. I just cut my pills in half, no need to go back to the doc just to test dosages.. although perhaps that was a bad idea because the reason I made this throw away account was to vent during a huuuuuuuuuge mood swing. That morning I was out walking listening to self help audio books planning my future. And all of a sudden I was slumped down asking myself why I ever thought I could achieve anything. Withdrawals can be rough.

My straterra, an adhd medication, the only side effect it causes is that its a little harder to urinate. Grants me a lot of control. Someday, I hope to be well enough to not need the viibryd. But I will never not need the adhd medication. My mother smoked while pregnant and breastfeeding and it damaged my brain. It sucks, its a fact.

How I broke my loop -

1. Desperation
   
2. Ayahuasca/mindfulness
   
3. Time/letting my brain mature and the adhd to taper off a little more
   
4. Medicine
   
5. Self help books
   
   Also don't assume that the mushrooms did nothing. It took awhile for me to realize what ayahuasca had done and how I could use it, I'm talking months. Although I haven't done them(I am interested in that though. Heard good things).

There's nothing that I consistently read or write every day that's always worked, but there have been a number of things over the years and decades that have become consistently useful to me, and that I always seem to go back to in one way or another.

Journaling, or any kind of writing. I'm not dedicated enough to do it every day, but it's rarely a bad thing. It's also interesting to go back to old writings years or decades later- some of it is still inspiring and useful, some of it is crap. All of it is my history, and that's not a bad thing.

Not really something I've read or done, but supportive online communities have helped me for years in different ways. The very good ones are not only supportive, but kindly call me on my bullshit, and steer me away from navel-gazing into positive action.

There have been a lot of books that have helped me, that I always go back to. I'm not religious, but I've found a great deal of help in reading some authors that are based in a spiritual tradition. When Things Fall Apart is not only a standby when I'm in crisis, but often has helped to clarify my thoughts and feelings about a situation or period in my life, and find constructive ways to move past it. Dark Nights of the Soul has also been very useful. I'm female, so Women Who Run With the Wolves has also been very useful, inspiring, and comforting at a lot of times. Create your personal sacred text has also been useful to me in terms of journaling- it has nothing to do with religion, but a lot to do with spirituality.

About the only daily thing that I've done for a very long time is to get the Inspiration Peak daily mailing, and Gimundo's good news daily update. Sometimes they don't speak to me, some days I find them annoying, but usually it's a good thing to get at least 2 positive pieces of mail a day. And I'm rarely too far away from the Serenity Prayer...at the moment it's on a sticky on my desk, on my fridge (the dinner hour here is chaotic), and posted in my bathroom (bathtime for autistic children can also be stressful). "The wisdom to know the difference" is always something that I struggle with, so it never hurts to have a reminder :-)

If you don't find a way to motivate yourself to find out what you want to do then someone else will have to "motivate you" to do what you do not want to do & thats the best way to have a miserable existence. If you care about having choices in life then you should try to find out. It's hard work that will pay off in the form of self respect and dignity because of accomplishment and a strong sense of identity. If your goal is to live in comfort then there will always be things that can upset you. Learn to be comfortable while being uncomfortable. Anything can happen in life, you have no control over what can happen. there will always be hardships and uncomfortable things. The only thing you have is your choice in how you will deal with the situations that you find yourself in. (or to abstain from responsibility like a pathetic wussy.) Strive to be as strong and smart as you can possibly be learn to power through difficult situations. Support yourself and others in those situations.

Definitely be grate-full and contended with what you have, i would even go as far as sugesting to be grate-full for all the good things that you are about to receive from life but have not received yet. But never allow that to dull you down.

" My life is my message " Ghandi.
Make your life about something that you deeply care about because that gives you the motivation that you need to make it a success.

" He who has a why to live can endure any how " Friedrich Nietzsche.
The sources below are about finding an answering this question for yourself.

Simon Sineks book "discover your why" is about answering this question for yourself.
https://www.amazon.com/Find-Your-Why-Practical-Discovering/dp/0143111728

Jordan Peterson's " future authoring program" is the same but then only online.
https://www.reddit.com/r/JoeRogan/comments/5j7uyc/did_anyone_try_jordan_petersons_future_authoring/

explains future authoring:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RoGdMpdZXzs

Carolin McHugh - has worthwhile thoughts as well.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veEQQ-N9xWU

Most people don't find an answer for this question. They either are to busy with surviving or they don't care.
Good luck with finding an answer if you care to go after it.

I hope that kind of points you in the right direction.

Best regards,

Two books I recommend reading. I'm pretty young and yet have been very successful in my career so far. These have helped me quite a bit:

http://www.amazon.com/Linchpin-Are-Indispensable-Seth-Godin/dp/0307704076

http://www.amazon.com/Habits-Highly-Effective-People-Powerful/dp/0743269519/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1372916346&sr=1-1&keywords=7+habits+of+highly+effective+people

A summary of some tips:

1. Never ever complain. If you don't like something, always phrase it this way: "I noticed that X isn't adding value to our organization/team/etc. Instead, I propose we do Y, for these reasons: 1, 2, 3. This will result in Z."
   
   Tell this to your manager and colleagues, and you will look like a leader, not a complainer. Ideally, you could even start working on it before you propose it to people.
   
   
2. Do emotional work. Most people think a job is just doing what you're told, but this is only a small piece of it. If you can figure out a way to bring passion, organization, leadership, creativity, etc. to your job, then you will be seen as a stand-out employee.
   
   
3. Make other people be effective. This is straight from "The 7 Habits of Highly Successful People," and really this is something you should adopt in all your life, not just work. Change your perspective so you are thinking about how to make your manager better at her job, for example. Thinking in this way shifts the focus away from your problems, and helps build relationships between you and your peers, which is the foundation of moving ahead in a career.

Hey,

Congratulations on your decision to get help! You can do it. In you post history, I can see that you struggle with depression.

First, where are you located? Are you in Europe, in the US, somewhere else? In most places, you can find therapists. Are you still in school or studying? Many schools and universities offer free mental health councelling. Check those out! Depending on your situation, you might be able to qualify for government assistance. I am not in the US, but I believe you can check HealthCare.gov to find out if you qualify and take your next steps from there. If you don't qualify, there is a very cool blog post by a psychologist on how to get mental health care on a budget: http://slatestarcodex.com/2018/04/25/mental-health-on-a-budget/

Let me quote from that article:

"This section is on ways to do therapy if you cannot afford a traditional therapist. There may also be other options specific to your area, like training clinics attached to colleges that charge “sliding scale” fees (ie they will charge you less if you can’t afford full price).

1. Bibliotherapy: If you’re doing a specific therapy for a specific problem (as opposed to just trying to vent or organize your thoughts), studies generally find that doing therapy out of a textbook works just as well as doing it with a real therapist. I usually recommend David Burns’ therapy books: Feeling Good for depression and When Panic Attacks for anxiety. If you have anger, emotional breakdowns, or other borderline-adjacent symptoms, consider a DBT skills workbook. For OCD, Brain Lock.

2. Free support groups: Alcoholics Anonymous is neither as great as the proponents say nor as terrible as the detractors say; for a balanced look, see here. There are countless different spinoffs for non-religious people or people with various demographic characteristics or different drugs. But there are also groups for gambling addiction, sex addiction, and food addiction (including eating disorders). There’s a list of anxiety and depression support groups here. Groups for conditions like social anxiety can be especially helpful since going to the group is itself a form of exposure therapy.

3. Therapy startups: These are companies like BetterHelp and TalkSpace which offer remote therapy for something like $50/week. I was previously more bullish on these; more recently, it looks like they have stopped offering free videochat with a subscription. That means you may be limited to texting your therapist about very specific things you are doing that day, which isn’t really therapy. And some awful thinkpiece sites that always hate everything are also skeptical. I am interested in hearing experiences from anyone who has used these sites. Until then, consider them use-at-your-own-risk." (end quote)

There are also sections on prescription medicine and on supplements in that article. Check it out!

If you are in a particularly bad spot or just need somebody to talk, there are lots of phone lines and services where you can call in for free. One example: https://www.crisistextline.org/depression/ (US-based).

There are also subreddits like /r/depression where you can get help from people who actually know what they are talking about.

​

Good luck and hang in there!

​

​

>I feel like a loser. An utter loser. I am almost 40.

You're are not a loser - you are a winner for taking the steps of recognizing that who you have been is not working for you, and asking for help. I am sincere. Congratulations!

>just be a completely different person

Do that. Rebuild your personality. Become someone else. You can do it!

A great book to clarify the distinctions between a winner and someone who isn't winning, and therefore supply suggestions for change, is:

http://www.amazon.com/Born-Win-Transactional-Analysis-Experiments/dp/0451165217

Start your journey today - and then keep going, and you'll get there.

Good luck!

This is a very good book and best of all it is very short.

Why We Get Fat: And What to Do About It

the summary is if your fat and your friend is thin and you have the same diet and activity level. Its more likely that you have the hormones that cant handle sugars and grains well. If you curb your diet
when it comes to sugars and grains then you will lose weight. If you want to become stronger and have more endurance you exercise. There is also a whole subreddit to teach how to eat healthier.

/keto

There is ample information on the top and the side as far as how to get started right away. Here is a meal plan.

six day meal plan

Naw, you're not insane, as long as you don't hurt anyone or yourself. Don't think in absolutes (insane or sane). I suggest taking a psychology and philosophy course at the local community college. These will help you a great deal in understanding how your mind works and connecting you with more resources. There is a great deal of knowledge from thinkers past.

http://www.amazon.com/Divided-Self-Existential-Madness-Psychology/dp/0140135375
http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Therapy-Revised-Updated/dp/0380810336

I have poor conversation skills as well, but I feel like I know how I would go about fixing them, and haven't done so cause the reality is that it is hard uncomfortable work. We may be in a completely different boat, so disregard if it seems that way.

For me its a lack of confidence and an having an inhibited personality. Once you have those two things, you have no reason not to naturally develop good conversation skills. Does this sound like you at all? Do you have an 'inner filter' that you pass through before speaking your mind?

Your filter is too strong. Some people don't have enough of a filter and act like assholes all the time, others filter them selves too much and are uninteresting shy people.

I could go on and on but maybe the best thing to do would be to link you the sources of this info so you can do more research on your own.

How to stop caring about what people think of you - Actualized.org

Self Confidence

Self Image

Self Esteem

The book Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

Another short version of the answer is just to force yourself to talk more.

I'm currently reading The Adult Children of Alcoholics Syndrome by Wayne Kritsberg. It's less than $8 on Amazon and I've found it really helpful. I'd encourage you to check it out, and PM me if you want to talk about it at all.

Well, to paraphrase this book, the way the internet (and tv. think cnn with all those news tickers) deliver information to our brains creates new neural pathways that become accustom to so much information and input bombarding us at once. It's easy to get distracted reading a Wikipedia article and click a link to a related (or unrelated) topic.

Did it make you stupid? No.

How do you learn to think again? Practice. Force yourself to concentrate and soon it will become more automatic. I find it easier to force myself with an actual book of some length (ie, not the internet). Pick something that will hold your interest for awhile. It won't work if the book is too heavy or boring. A bunch of people have enjoyed The Game of Thrones series. Maybe you could give those a spin.

I never knew I had a choice is good for personal growth. It's workbook style, too.

Hi!
I have a solution that can fix this problem once and for all, don't worry about the other comments for now just follow this.
Your fear of failure is a self fulfilling prophecy. The reason you feel you are a failure is because this belief was reaffirmed in you over time, we believe our thoughts and they create a self fulfilling prophecy. A study was done on a student who had bad grades, through hypnosis he had the belief installed in him that he was a success, every morning by a therapist. This led him to become one of the top in his class.
There's a book I think everyone should read on this called psycho-cybernetics. I know The name of this book makes it sound boring and complacated but the book is life changing.
http://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-New-More-Living-Life/dp/0671700758
If you dont want to read the book you can still stop this cycle of failure, here is how, using these excercises. This will take you ten minutes a day, and it may feel silly at first, but if you do this the level of change it creates will be ridiculous. You will not believe how effective this is.
There's a few disclaimers.
1:You have to do this every day for at least 180 days, I reccomend doing it for a whole year. this does not work if you miss a day, if you plan on doing this here and there, or maybe once every second day, just forget it. If you,are not doing this every day you will be wasting your time.
2:It will take 21 days before you start seeing the results of this. Therefore reserve any judgements for these twenty one days, you may feel it is stupid or it will never work, but don't make any judgements until you have done this consistently for 21 days.
Here is the excercise.


1: Affirmations, for five minutes every morning you will close your eyes and in your head say the statement "I am a successful person". Over and over in your head for five minutes


2: Visualization: for five minutes every day you will visualise what it is like to be a successful person, e.g sit down and imagine getting a report with a grade A plus (or whatever grades you have in your country), Imagine how this success feels. Get as much detail as possible, where are you sitting, what sounds are there, who is there with you. It's ok if your Visualizatiom is a little hazy at first. Just stick with it.
Here's a video on how to properly do visualisations to help you.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q89nSsjWjFs

That's all you have to do, if you do this, you will experience a huge change in your state. It won't require you to put in effort to change your habits you can just relax, that will be taken care of for you by the subconscious mind as you start to get past 21 days of doing this excercise.

This will work, it's not a matter of "maybe if you do this things might change" they are guaranteed to change, this is how the mind works, it is a fact that if you do this properly it will work for you, the only reason it won't work is if you don't do the excercises. And most people don't, they either start strong or fizzle out after a couple weeks. The reason for this is because the mind naturally resists change, this means you may find yourself wanting to stop, maybe after a week of doing this you will start telling yourself it is stupid or it is not working, maybe you'll start telling yourself I must be doing it wrong (this happened to me with visualisations) just be persistent, remember all you have to do is get through those 21 days, than it will become a habit and become easier. I know it seems stupid to think that you will have trouble getting through this, it's only ten minutes a day of simple excercises, but you will experience resistance, it caught me off guard when I started doing visualisations, I found myself stopping twice because I was convinced it would never work, but I used visualisations and affirmations to go from having social anxiety to being outwardly confident.

Stick with these affirmations and visualisations as crazy as they might sound, they work, wonders :)

A Fine Romance by Judith Sills - http://www.amazon.com/Fine-Romance-Passage-Courtship-Marriage/dp/0345385713

The controversial Iron John. Might be a little over the top for your needs, but it's very good.

http://www.amazon.com/Rewire-Your-Brain-Think-Better/dp/0470487291/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458951103&sr=8-1&keywords=rewire+your+brain+think+your+way+to+a+better+life

Pretty broad book but talks a lot about changing behavior through change brain chemistry.

I suggest reading this book.

Books helped me a lot. Here's one:

https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1542164009&sr=1-1&keywords=leil+lowndes

Try this book : Who's pulling your strings.