(Part 3) Top products from r/selfimprovement

I had practiced meditation for many years before watching the video, but I had not focused much attention on happiness while meditating. Thus, while benefiting to some extent from meditation, I had not realized the potential benefits of monitoring my levels of happiness while meditating. Before watching the video, I had monitored my thoughts, but I didn't pay much attention to my emotions, other than to notice how negative emotions often led to more intrusive thoughts, making meditation more difficult.

Also, I noticed in the video that the experiments performed using the "Olympic champions of mind training" as subjects, asked them, "to put their mind in a state where there's nothing but loving kindness, total availability to sentient being," later described as meditating on compassion. After watching the talk, I began to explore different ways to meditate with a compassionate perspective. I had done some of that kind of meditating before I saw the talk, but after seeing the talk, I began to put more emphasis on compassion in my meditations.


Something clicked for me about this part of the talk that made so much sense when I heard it. I had already noticed in my life how it made me happy when I did things to help others. So, I could see how maintaining a compassionate perspective during meditation could have happiness benefits. It made sense that putting something like that into practice on a daily basis could have significant benefits. Plus, as I learned from the talk, scientific experiments even offered evidence for that idea. This led me to begin experimenting with how I meditated. I started monitoring my level of happiness while meditating and I began to explore many different ways to meditate with a compassionate perspective.

Finally, I did not miss the point made at the end of the talk about the importance of putting our compassion into action. I found that by focusing on compassion during meditation, it made me a more compassionate person. In my day to day activities, I watch for opportunities to do even small things that help others. Again, I know that my level of happiness benefits from those acts of kindness. Our lack of compassion makes us less happy and our acts of compassion make us more happy.

If you find the talk interesting, I recommend reading, Train Your Mind, Change Your Brain: How a New Science Reveals Our Extraordinary Potential to Transform Ourselves. The author, Sharon Begley, is a journalist who served as the science editor and science columnist for Newsweek. The book describes the relatively recent history of scientific discoveries about neural plasticity. The book goes into great detail about the back story behind the brain scan experiments performed on Buddhist meditators. I found it a well written tale, with a firsthand account of regular meetings where western scientists met with the Dalai Lama to have discussions about the consensus of scientists on topics related to mind training.

Check out this book. Also a good Ted talk by Susan Cain as well.

http://www.amazon.com/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0307352153.

It's great for introverts or extroverts who want to better understand their introverted friends or loved ones. Also there are some great mindfulness exercises out there that could help too. Best of luck. :)

"How to have a Beautiful Mind" by Edward Debono

http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-To-Have-Beautiful-Mind/dp/0091894603

"How to Win Friends an Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
Download FREE here (see the red text, you don't need to sub to the list there)
http://hotblogtips.com/how-to-win-friends-and-influence-people

I've read this book multiple times. I was EXTREMELY shy and introverted as a kid, this book really helped me with practical suggestions and ideas that anyone can apply.

Do what you love, and you will find people who enjoy what you enjoy.

Don't change yourself to suit other people.

Be true to yourself, and remember that you are perfect just as you are right now, you are a complete and whole human being who is here on purpose.

What you are describing isn't so much a mental state as it is a philosophical position. There are quite a few people, myself included, who believe people are better off not being born and that, consequently, bringing new sentient life into existence is a moral wrong. This position is called antinatalism and it is very rigorously argued for in Better Never to Have Been by philosopher David Benatar. (Here's an audio interview with him.) There's even a subreddit for antinatalism.

In antinatalism, it's very important to make the distinction between life that hasn't yet been started and life that has. While I can say it would have been better for me to never have existed, now that I do exist, I very much wish to continue existing. I didn't choose life, I was forced into it, but I try to make the most of the cards I've been dealt.

Edit. Also, the flip side of this is that I don't owe life, God, my parents or the cosmos anything, least of all my gratitude for being alive. I don't have any obligation to feel happy. Any feelings of gratitude or happiness are for my own benefit, and if I choose to leave early, I'm not being a poor guest.

Hello, fellow long-time depression sufferer.

Sorry to pry, but why is your access to mental health care limited? For me, getting a prescription for an SSRI was the magic bullet I needed to build the momentum to get everything else into place.

Anyway, you asked for information on habits. IMHO, this book is a very good one for building sustainable habits. But depending on how debilitating your depression is, that might be a little high-level. (I know it certainly would have been at my low points.)

This reddit post is an excellent foundation for mindset.

As for depression, while I really, truly hope we can find you some professional mental-health care, here are the three pillars I used to pull myself up. Once you build these habits, you should have the energy you need to build others.

• Water: Because dehydration fucks with your mood and energy levels. Before you go to bed, fill a glass of water and put it on your nightstand. First thing in the morning, literally before you get out of bed, drink it dry. (Then refill it, keep it around you throughout the day, and never let it sit empty.)
  
  
• Sleep: Lack of sleep also obviously fucks with your energy levels. Aim for 7-9 hours. Schedule it. There are also a ton of tips out there for how to prepare your environment, body, and mind for a good night's sleep. LMK if you would like me to expand on this.
  
  
• Exercise: Exercise is often as good, if not better, at treating depression than medication. Find a form of exercise you like, and do at least one rep of it. (Why just one rep? The key here is to build the habit, not get in shape overnight. As an example, I got into the habit of flossing my teeth by promising myself I'd floss just one tooth.) If possible (e.g., if it's something you can do without leaving home), do it as the last thing you do before you take a shower.
  
  I can go off on any of these topics for as long as you're willing to read, so LMK if you want more details, theory, whatever behind any of this, habit formation in general, or if you just want to talk about your depression. It sucks, I know, but I love how you're looking at the problem. I wish I had the perspective you do, back when I was in the dark.

The Wisdom of Insecurity by Alan Watts (really, anything by Alan Watts) and The Unteathered Soul by Michael Singer. They're more commonly found under zen or Buddhism than Self Help though. For me they were the most helpful in gaining control of one's emotions and thoughts, as well as self acceptance and happiness in one's life as-is, rather than any unreachable goals or futures.

Well, it sounds like patience might be the first virtue to cultivate. Epictetus is a good starting point :)

You're welcome. My dad's a G.P. and he got copies of these for every one in my family. They are amazing.

Other good ones to look at are:

• Mind Over Mood: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1462520421/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454011886&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=mind+over+mood
  
  
• Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572244259/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454011970&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=get+out+of+your+mind+and+into+your+life
  
  
• The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1572244992/ref=mp_s_a_1_10?qid=1454012036&sr=8-10&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=act+therapy
  
  
• Full Catastrophe Living: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0345536932/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1454012108&sr=8-2&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=jon+kabat+zinn
  
  
• The Mayo Clinic Handbook For Happiness: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0738217859/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012206&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=happiness+mayo+clinic
  
  
• Man's Search for Meaning: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/080701429X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012401&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=man%27s+search+for+meaning
  
  
• Awareness - The Perils and Opportunities of Reality: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0385249373/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012475&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=anthony+de+mello
  
  And for a refreshingly new approach:
  
  
• F*ck Feelings - One Shrink's Practical Advice for Managing All Life's Impossible Problems: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1476789991/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1454012259&sr=8-1&pi=SL75_QL70&keywords=fuck+your+feelings
  

Because this is one of the best responses I've read on this website, I'm just gunna add a bit rather than write my own.

There's one thing I feel you missed which was key to my personal self-improvement too: paying attention. It sounds like OP is really putting effort into trying to remember things (by writing stuff down etc.) but if her full attention isn't on listening to the instructions at the time (say you're distracted by your own thoughts or attention is elsewhere), it's not going to be retained very well. It can make a world of difference.

OP may also want to get on board how awesome making/learning from mistakes and asking questions actually are. As I try to say to others - they're two of the greatest self-building tools that we have.

"The master has failed more times than the beginner has even tried"

• Stephen McCranie
  
  "Everybody is a genius but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will forever think it is stupid."
  
  
• Albert Einstein
  
  And get this if you can afford it/torrent it.

As mentioned about Carnegie is a must. Otherwise I'd recommend King, Warrior, Magician, Lover, Staying Healthy with the Seasons (some of the nutrition info is out dated but the core of the book is still great), The Book of Five Rings.

GTD without a doubt.

everything you need

you can also find a lot of Harry Lorayne books on the pirate bay if that's your thing

but here are some specific techniques: building and using a peg system, the mnemonic major system (remembering numbers), memory palace/method of loci

they take 10-20 minutes each to learn and they get faster to implement each time you do it. I memorize three things a day (almost always using a peg and the mnemonic major system.) I also need to memorize a standup act occasionally and for that I will use the memory palace.