(Part 2) Top products from r/sexover30

I am a (nearly) 42 year old man and have been practicing a few different techniques to enhance my pleasure and achieve multiple orgasms. I am by no means an expert or master at any of it, and with some techniques I've only been successful a couple of times since I first started about 3 years ago. Every person is different and some men are more capable of one technique versus another, some will be great at all of them, and some won't achieve any (or much) success with any of them. I'm not sure your or your partners philosophical leanings but there's a bit of ancient philosophical belief involved in some of the info I will link to, I'm more of a logic / modern science based person so I have had to look past the more spiritual aspects of some of these. For example, things like Chi energy and Chakras are discussed by a few people as being keys to enlightenment / pleasure, being more science grounded I prefer to think of Chakras as highly sensitive nerve clusters vs some mythic, magical parts inside the body. That said, whatever you choose to call them the techniques do work, and some of these techniques will work for men and women. Also be warned that some of the links below are NSFW.

The first thing to know about having multiple orgasms as a man is that you need to not ejaculate. In fact as a male if you want to get to a point where you can feel pleasure at random times throughout the day, don't ejaculate for a few weeks or more while still engaging in sexual activity. You will likely get to a point where the lightest breeze on your penis / testicles / perineum (and possibly nipples or anus) will give you pleasurable chills throughout your body - and if you practice some of the techniques below you won't even need any touch to feel that pleasure but will be able to generate it by just thinking about it (more on that below).

There are some men who can have multiple ejaculatory orgasms but it's a very rare thing, and even those men generally have a refractory period (it's just extremely short - like only a couple of minutes). I've read / seen a video by a guy (NSFW http://www.can-fap.net/preview/fundraiser_preview_intro.shtml NSFW) who says if you have an intact foreskin / frenulum / rigged band that you may be able to have multiple ejaculatory orgasms by only stimulating the frenulum and / or rigged band, but as I am circumcised I can't confirm this from my own experience and I haven't seen many others post about it. I can say that even though I only have a small amount of my frenulum left that I have been able to have some mild but pleasant orgasms from lightly rubbing it, though they were non-ejaculatory and took a lot of time to build up.

A couple of other important things to keep in mind: It is likely that any of these techniques will take many months to learn let alone become proficient at. Some of them are also primarily meant for solo pleasure, though once learned they can be integrated into sexual activity with a partner (but might not be something a partner does to you). And some of them are very much in your head, so might require a change in how you think about sex and orgasms.

Mantak Chia wrote a book called The Multi Orgasmic Man (https://www.amazon.com/Multi-Orgasmic-Man-Sexual-Secrets-Should/dp/0062513362) that is probably the most detailed method I've seen. If you don't want to buy the book there's a synopsis of the technique described here https://www.menprovement.com/multi-orgasmic-man/ (Semi-NSFW) and another here http://www.whitelotuseast.com/MultipleOrgasm.htm (Semi-NSFW). The techniques in this book can be done solo or with a directly partner (though I would suggest he learn on his own first - which is going to be true of a few of the techniques). In a nutshell the man learns to recognize the different stages of arousal and stops masturbating (or penetrating) just before the point of no return, allowing his arousal to wane slightly / redirecting the arousal away from the penis. The pleasure is then continued to the point of no return again before stopping, and that process is repeated multiple times until he is able to reach orgasm without ejaculating, which in turn can result in having a long (multi-minute) extended orgasm or multiple shorter orgasms. I've failed at this hundreds of times over the past few years but have on two occasions managed to achieve an extended orgasm while masturbating and it's pretty incredible. When you get it right it's like your brain and body flip a switch and you can just keep stroking while feeling a strong, warm, tingling sensation throughout your entire body but without the feeling that you are going to ejaculate.

Prostate massage is another very good way to achieve more intense penile orgasms as well as multiple and extended prostate / full body orgasms (https://www.aneros.com/ Semi-NSFW. Also be sure to read the forums and wiki, there's a lot of good info there). In my opinion this is probably one of the most pleasurable things a man can learn / experience. Again, learning this is generally a solo adventure but once learned it can be added to partner activities, either by his using a prostate massager during sex or by you massaging his prostate directly. Different guys have different sensations from prostate massage and unfortunately not everyone is able to achieve high levels of pleasure through it, though most are able to at least intensify traditional orgasms with it. There is debate whether the lack of success is due to physical reasons or mental reasons (I'm inclined to say a little of both), as you do have to open yourself up to not only stimulating your body through your anus (something most straight guys seems to fear) but also because the prostate for most guys at first is very insensitive to the point that many guys don't feel anything in the beginning and give up. You have to spend a fair amount of time (from weeks to months) regularly practicing and focusing on the feelings that are there, however small they may be, and in time your prostate starts to become more sensitive to touch and your brain starts making the connection that it feels good, and when it all comes together the results are amazing. Also unfortunately even for those who do become successful with prostate massage it can be hit and miss, some days there's just no pleasure to be had. I'm speculating here a little so bare with me, but I actually feel like learning prostate based pleasure is the closest a man can get to understanding how a woman experiences pleasure, both in the sense of orgasms and from an in the mood / not in the mood perspective. It's pretty rare for a man to not be able to get an erection or have an orgasm from penile stimulation, but sometimes, no matter how much you try to physically pleasure your prostate nor how great it's felt in the past (or how many orgasms you had just yesterday), some days your body / prostate just isn't feeling it. I've had many sessions that felt nice but the feelings just don't lead anywhere, and I have learned to accept that as part of my body's sexual response. On the other hand, I've had full body orgasms that lasted upwards of 45 minutes thanks to prostate massage and were by far the most pleasurable feelings I've ever had in my life. And awaking your prostate has another benefit for some, that being the ability to feel prostate pleasure without any physical help (fingers or toys), but by simply focusing on the sensations of your prostate. This is amplified by one of the first things I mentioned, that being to not ejaculate for extended periods of time. When your prostate has been awakened and you go a couple of weeks without ejaculating you can feel an ache in your prostate which can translate into having orgasms by simply closing your eyes and basically just letting it happen. Over and over and over.

Here's a technique that can work for men and women as it involves meditation - http://anniesprinkle.org/energy-orgasms/ (NSFW). I've tried this technique as well as a simpler form of meditation where I just set my intention ("full body pleasure") and try to clear my mind while listening to specific styles of music (Gamma Mediation is good). Thanks to my over-active brain I've struggled with meditation in general but on those occasions I've gotten it right it's been similarly pleasurable to prostate massage, with some orgasmic trances lasting 20-30 minutes (although not quite as intense feeling, more of a super peaceful with a side of full body tingling sensation).

One other technique I'm aware of but haven't tried myself is the Key Sound Multiple Orgasm technique ( https://multiples.com/ksmo-technique/ ). I don't know all of the details involved in this but do know it involves vocalizing different sounds to increase / enhance your pleasure. It also involves the same concept of separating orgasm and ejaculation that Matak Chia teaches and I would guess involves some meditation / mental techniques as well. This is another method that can work for men and women.

Here's a chunk of an article I wrote several years ago that will provide some background on Nagoski's book, particularly as it pertains to the "dual control" model. I started by discussing early research on loss of libido and anorgasmia and then moved on:

• • -
    
    

    Modern therapy and sexual arousal
    

    The apparent lesson from the early lab studies was that mental and physical stimulation caused arousal, and increased arousal caused orgasms. So most researchers assumed that the primary problem with lack of arousal, and therefore with lack of orgasms, was insufficient stimulation: the subjects weren't being stimulated enough and in the right ways.
    
    But Heiman & Lopiccolo took a different approach in Becoming Orgasmic, focusing primarily on the inhibitions that caused their patients to block out or interrupt the normal arousal process. Yes, they included activities for increasing arousal, such as learning to use a vibrator for masturbation and doing what amounts to yoni massage for extended periods. But the first and critical part of the therapy is focused on identifying, working through, and changing long-held assumptions and attitudes that create tension and anxiety and interfere with arousal.
    
    This shift in focus was formalized in the 1990s with the development of the "dual control model" of arousal and desire by Eric Janssen and John Bancroft of the Kinsey Institute for Sex Research. (BTW, that link leads to a great cartoon at the website of one of my favorite sex ed bloggers, so go look at it!)
    
    Janssen & Bancroft observed that most physiological systems in the body have dual control systems. For example, insulin responds to and lowers high blood sugar, while glucagon responds to and raises low blood sugar. Similarly, sweating responds to and lowers high body temperature, while shivering responds to and raises low body temperature.
    
    

    Hitting the Gas, Hitting the Brakes
    

    Their hypothesis, which has been born out by a great deal of experience in the last 20 years, is that sexual arousal is also controlled by two different systems. In effect, one of these is the accelerator pedal and the other is the brake. And this matters, because if the brakes are fully engaged - by stress, anxiety, fear, fatigue, frustration, or any other stressors - pushing down harder on the accelerator will create forward motion only with difficulty, if at all, and it is not likely to be very enjoyable.
    
    Janssen & Bancroft called the accelerator the Sexual Excitation System, or SES, and they called the brake the Sexual Inhibitory System, or SIS. And they found that people differ a great deal in the sensitivity of both of these systems.
    
    It turns out that this is a really good way of figuring out why different people have very different problems related to desire and arousal, and why they need different solutions. To help understand this, picture a very simple 3x3 tic-tac-toe grid, where a person can be either high (+), middle (0), or low (-) in terms of their SES and SIS.
    
    So, for example, we would typically find that people who are high in excitation and low in inhibition (+/-) need very little mental or physical stimulation to become aroused in almost all situations. They get aroused easily and not much distracts them or turns them off. This might sound ideal if you have trouble in either department, but these people may also have problems with impulsivity and tend to have more problems with STIs, unwanted pregnancies, and sustaining exclusive relationships.
    
    People at the opposite extreme (-/+) are slow to warm up under even the best of circumstances, and it doesn't take much to turn them off completely. They are the most likely to identify as asexual, but they can be capable of intense arousal and orgasms if circumstances are just right.
    
    Relatively few people are at those two poles. What about the other two corners of the grid?
    
    The +/+ folks are quick to warm up, but only if everything is going right. Nerves, irritation, worries about being overheard, even minor distractions can interrupt the happy times. They don't need more stimulation when things are blocked for them. In fact, many of them can reach orgasm with high stimulation even when the brakes are on, but it is usually a pleasureless, almost mechanical kind of release.
    
    What they need in order to have great sex is calm, safety, deep relaxation, and trust in their partners. If this is what your partner is like, you'll probably have a lot more success improving your sex life by doing what you can to reduce your partner's stress level than by being more active in bed.
    
    The -/- folks have it easier in some ways. They are slow to arouse, but hard to distract from it. In many ways, they are the ones who best fit the old therapeutic model, because what they need most is a strong, sustained push on the accelerator pedal. Flowers, chocolates, romance, a glass of wine, nibbles on the neck and earlobes, sexy lingerie, some good porn, a long sensual massage, and a lot of good foreplay.
    
    Most people, of course, are more toward the middle on one or the other or both of these two dimensions, but in the very large majority of cases where people perceive that their sexual interest or arousal or desire has declined, or is in some ways inadequate, it's usually the brakes that are messing things up.
    
    

    Where Do You and Your Partner Fit In?
    

    Want to know where you fit in? This is the short version of the Sexual Temperament Questionnaire that Dr. Emily Nagoski uses to help people identify where they fit in terms of SIS and SES. It's quick and simple. (I scored 8 on SIS and 12 on SES, putting me in the middle of both scales, just in case you were curious! :)
    
    A lot of us live high stress lives, and for most of us it doesn't take much tension to put on the brakes. If that's the case for you or your partner, then getting in the mood for sex isn't primarily about more romance and better foreplay. It's about reducing the stress and blocking out the distractions that are slamming on the brakes. As Dr. Nagoski says,
    
    > If you’re the partner and want to generate desire, use your knowledge of her as an individual both to turn on the “ons” and turn off the “offs”: what makes her feel cared for, safe, affectionate, stress-free, sexy, and beautiful?
    
    And of course, that's one reason tantric sex is so successful for many couples. We start with some of the most effective relaxation techniques known: a safe refuge, an uninterrupted block of time, a warm bath or shower, some quiet meditation, a trusted partner, and a long, loving massage. And only then, when you're completely de-stressed and relaxed, do we add the arousal in ways that deliberately take away all time pressure and all responsibility to perform. There's no need to do anything but lie back, relax, and enjoy all those lovely sensations.
    
    The difficulty for many couples is simply not being able to make enough time with no distractions or demands. But if your life is so overscheduled that you can't find time to strengthen and maintain your relationship, you may want to re-examine your priorities. After all, every form of sex therapy and couples therapy requires a great deal of time. Making enough time for real intimacy and good sex every week might be your best way to prevent the need for that.
    
    

• • -
    
    It's an excellent book. I hope this provides a little bit of extra context.

I'm not an engineer, but I'm a designer who is married to an engineer and works with engineers every day, and in terms of personality I fit the engineer stereotype.

My husband and I met at work and made a great team from the very beginning. We now have our own engineering design firm, which is a crazy amount of work, but tremendous fun.

We didn't have to REconnect sexually, but we did have to work at connecting sexually at the beginning. We fell in love on the job first, and didn't get to the sex & romance stuff for almost a year. When we did, the sex was terrible. We had a bunch of problems to solve, but we already knew we were good at solving problems, so we didn't let them stop us. We did a lot of research and then worked on the problems until they were gone.

The sex went from comically bad to the best ever for both of us, and it has kept getting better ever since (>10 years). These are some of the things we did:

• We rearranged our lives to make time for lots of physical affection and good sex.
  
  
• We made a commitment to go to bed early so we'd never be rushed or have to choose between having enough time for sex and getting enough sleep. If we weren't horny, we could use the time for pillow talk and cuddling. And when you've had a rough day and just want to crash, early to bed & early to rise means plenty of time for morning sex when you're both fresh and rested!
  
  
• We did sensate focus therapy (SFT) for six months. It's one of the top tools that sex therapists use, but you can easily do it all on your own. It teaches both of you to be much more aware of your sense of touch, both touching and being touched, and it really helps you connect with each other physically and emotionally. Plus, it's fun! :)
  
  SFT is also the basis for the most effective therapy for PE as well as the basis for teaching women to have orgasms during sex. (At the start, he had PE and I'd never had an orgasm with a guy. Now there's no rush and I get multiple orgasms every time.)
  
  
• We incorporated vibrators into foreplay and PIV - you'd be amazed at how much they can add to the experience, especially if you are slow to get aroused. (Cockrings are great too, and buttplugs are definitely worth a try.)
  
  
• We learned to "edge" each other, deliberately extending the arousal period and delaying orgasm, to make the whole process more enjoyable and the orgasms more intense.
  
  
• We learned to meditate and did it daily. It teaches you how to clear your head of all those things that are keeping you from really being 100% present and involved with your partner and your own body during sex.
  
  
• We learned to do sensual/erotic massage, because it feels so good, it's incredible foreplay, and it takes everything you learned from SFT and makes it a regular part of expressing your love for each other. (Especially useful if you're not good at verbalizing "the emotional mushy stuff"! :)
  
  
• We learned a secular version of tantric sex, and discovered that it takes "good sex" and makes it magnificent.
  
  The key to it all is somehow making enough time for love and good sex. No, it isn't easy, but you have to make your marriage and good sex a priority. And then you have to stick to it.
  
  We started our business in a city where we can live five minutes from our shop. Bud cut way back on gaming, I put "us time" ahead of everything else, and we made rules for ourselves that keep other activities from overloading our schedule. Over the years, these have become second nature to us.
  
  Anyway, that's what worked for us! We don't have kids yet, but baby #1 is due this spring. We know it's going to mess everything up for a while, but once she's 6 months old we've reserved a place at a day care center that includes half days on Saturday, and we've set things up at work so we can come in late several mornings a week.
  
  (I don't know whether this is going to do any good, or if we're going to feel like overconfident idiots when it all fails. But at least we're planning ahead to try to avoid the kind of "we had a baby and now there's never any time for sex" situation I see a lot of couples fall into.)
  
  Here are three books and a website I especially want to recommend for you. All four have good, clear, step-by-step instructions:
  
  
• Heterosexuality, by Masters, Johnson, & Kolodny: SFT instructions on pages 24-40; PE instructions if you need them on pages 101-128.
  
  
• Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Heiman & LoPiccolo: another version of SFT, this time geared to helping you become more responsive to arousal and making it easier for you to have an orgasm.
  
  
• She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner: the best guide for men to how our bodies respond.
  
  
• Extraordinary Passion: The Art and Science of Modern Tantric Sex: This is a book in blog form, a complete step-by-step guide to tantric sex without all the "spiritual" stuff you find in most tantra books and websites.
  
  Also, our SO30 Wiki has a lot of links to very good articles and discussion threads:
  
  
• r/sexover30 Resources
  
  Good luck! I hope this helps!

well now I have some time so buckle up.

/u/helpwiththisproblemp is a nice guy. Not a full-blown neckbeard fedora M'Lady but he has that mindset. Where men are only in 2 categories.. Nice Gentlemen like himself, and the Assholes who get the women to lust after them. I cant guess how this mindset starts, sometimes they live with a disgruntled single mother or an equally Nice father, but they're genuinely convinced that by being Nice, safe, bland, trustworthy and a good provider is the exact path into a woman's panties. "I'm Nice. I have a good job. I bring home the bacon, why isnt that dropping her panties, why isnt she showing her gratitude by giving me a blowjob, why are all those Musician/Artist/Biker Assholes getting all the pussy??"

They repress their sexual nature and urges so they're not "creepy, aggressive or gross, not like those Bikers" and well, they get Friendzoned. But they secretly want to be sexually confident and lusted after.

They have an equally "either/or" view of women. They're either sluts or Nice women. Nice demure women. Nice ladies, ladies who dont act like sluts. Once again, they secretly want their demure wife to act like a slut! (Sluts are great btw)

So everything is a covert contract. He asked for a blowjob but I bet his behaviour right up until then was as a polite demure gentleman, treating his nice demure wife with respect, because he's a Nice man he picked a nice demure lady didnt he. He got all excited when she mentioned deep-throating him, because that's what he secretly wanted, but he never encouraged her to be slutty from them on, so she relaxed and forgot about it. "He never followed up, never rewarded me for sexual behaviour, never acted like a confident sexy beast, so whatevs".

Advice - that no-one ever likes, cos apparently 'being offended on behalf of someone else' is a new national past-time, as is 'asking for advice but crying over the harsh truths and not changing a damn thing'

Stop being Nice and having covert contracts. Read this book and before you flip your shit, read the blurb, it's not for Neckbeards.

If you dont like reading books, watch some episodes of Lucifer, it's hilarious because if the actor was ugly it would be creepy and gross. But he's handsome, well-dressed and dashing, so he's confident, sexy, alluring and bold.

If you cant be bothered with either of those, at least grasp that people arent either/or. Men arent just Nice or Assholes. There's a sliding scale. Women who are happily ravaging their men are with good guys. Good, sexy, confident, non-assholes. And by happily I mean we are genuinely happy. Content with how sexy, decent and safe our partner is. We dont complain so you dont hear from us? just from the unhappy ones who are with real assholes I guess.

Women arent evil for being slutty. I'm sexually confident and adore doing filthy things with my partner. and I clean up nice to go to dinner with his friends.

cc /u/drreedrichards it seemed like you needed some stuff too.

So you've gotten in better shape, but your still crawling around on all 4 begging for her attention. News Flash - Needy people are so much work and a turn off at the end of the day.

I wore your exact shoes a few years ago and was at the door of divorce. Today we both agree that had either one of us brought up the bid D word, it probably would have happened.

Ask yourself while looking in the mirror - Are you the man that attracted her 14 years ago when she clawed at you? What were you like back then?

Most answers are the same - Spontaneous, Energetic, Played sports, Built things with your hands, had an ego, could change the world, had no time for needy people, energetic, life of the party, social leader, ect.

Heres the part that might sting a little - but stop trying to change other people. They owe you nothing and you don't own them. Once you're truly happy internally and loving yourself that you will begin to see others want to be around you. When you give off that vibe that you have your world under control and nothing fazes you, people want to be a part of that because it's attractive.

Find a hobby, play some sports, spend time in the garage building something, take care of shit at home because you want to, not because you think it will change someone else. Never expect anything in return for what you do in and out of the house. Improve YOU and others WILL notice.

Read this book as the first step: https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1479840469&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mr+nice+guy

Look, I know how you feel and it breaks my heart to read these stories - but please take what I typed with a grain of salt and really look internally for that change you want. It may not fix your marriage, but it puts you on the roadmap and the right frame of mind going forward.

I took this advice 3-4-5 years ago - today we are so freaking open in our conversations it's crazy hot, sex has been better than ever before, and we are planning vacations, ect. The house is clean, the kids are happy, and we glow when we go out. In fact we glow so damn much people are always all over us at parties ect.

Start leading, stop following.

So, sex has continued to be amazing. We're communicating great as always, and our relationship with our wonderful unicorn lady is amazing. There are some roadblocks, but we're getting through.

Sex wise, my wife and I are managing at least every other day, except for her recent shark week. On day one of shark-week, she managed to get some alone time with our lady and got to be in charge (not her normal thing) since she was by and large 'out of commission'. She made our lady have some great orgasms. I managed to get off early, and joined a party in progress. We all got an hour or so in before she had to leave.

Sex with all of us is so hot. My wife really likes pleasing our lady. I bought a new glass dildo just for group play and it's amazing (not to mention cheap). She made her cum so hard a couple times. I got to watch once, then I got a turn making her cum like that too.

I then got to fuck our lady sitting up while my wife fingered her clit and she came again after a couple edgings. WHen it was my turn I again fucked her till she came and that pushed me over and I pulled out and thrust between her pussy and my wife's hand that had been fingering her clit. It was super hot.

We're planning a threesome play date tomorrow that should last all day. There are plans in place and fun times should be had. I'll try to remember to do an after action report.

u/razzordragon

> Get an inexpensive folding massage table. (Under $100 on Amazon, the best investment in good sex you'll ever make.)

The truth of this humble statement by u/TantraGirl cannot be underestimated. Missus and I bought one for $80 bucks and it is absolutely the best sex toy we ever bought. To put that into perspective, we've been together 40 years and introduced toys into our sex inside the first six months. We bought the massage table 2 to 3 months ago and it absolutely rejuvenated and supercharged the intimacy of our sex sessions. We don't practice trantric or sensate focus techniques per-say but the table did create the space where we slow down, touch and feel each other, and take time to bring the extra pleasures of caressing and massage into our love making. The table is the best money we ever spent on our sex life. We also had this book on massage some 30 years ago and found it very useful as well.

Good luck tomorrow /u/throwawayso30! Here's hoping for a speedy recovery!

Given today is still technically Towel Day is some places, I recommend Douglas Adams The Restaurant at the End of the Universe. It's my favorite of the Hitchhiker's series. Laughter is definitely helpful in recovery :)

I'll have to think hard about another recommend, choosing just one book is really tough!

When I moved out from my husband 5 years ago I wound up buying the book called thanks for coming by Mara Altman. It's pretty funny and it's all about this girl who never had orgasm who goes on a quest to try and have her first one. At any rate it's an entertaining read and it's a really good how-to on how to have your first orgasm. Which is what I wanted... thank you hitachi magic wand. https://www.amazon.com/Thanks-Coming-Young-Womans-Orgasm/dp/0061577111

I love butt plugs. I started off with a tiny silicone plug. Truthfully, that worked for about a week before I needed something larger. I also didn't like not being able to use silicone lubricant.

So my long time favorite plug is the Njoy medium Pure Plug. It's big enough for me. It's heavy, so it tugs at my ass all day long. It never slips out or gets sucked in. The handle is the perfect shape. It's always hidden. Never slips. No rubbing discomfort. It's everything that a butt plug should be. Someday, when I have the cash, I'm going to move up a size to challenge myself.

I wear at all sorts of fun times. I'll wear it to work. I'll wear it out grocery shopping. I'll mow the lawn with it. There are very few barriers. I've even ridden my bike with it in.

Wearing a butt plug in public is totally awesome. You feel so much sexual freedom, yet it's your naughty little secret that nobody knows about. You could be talking to the mailman, having a casual conversation, and be thinking, "Holy shit! I'm talking to Walt the mailman, and there's a sex toy in my asshole, that he delivered to my door last week. And he has no fucking idea!!!".

This product with controller goes slower than any I've ever seen. There is good aftermarket support for attachments. I verified that "Healthy and Active" is a legit seller and you'll get a genuine product.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0089175GE/

\>I have attic access, and could attach it security to a beam.

Do not do this. Add a 4x4 on top of and perpendicular to the existing joists and drill a hole through the center of the new beam for your attachment point. You'll then have the weight supported by multiple joists

Brackets to hold the 4x4 to the existing joists are a buck or two a piece, but honestly you could probably toe-in a few 3" screws if you have them and a hammer drill. That part probably isn't going to slide... it's the lag bolt/anchor pulling from inside the wood you have to avoid.. thus drilling the hole all the way through your new crossbeam and then you can get something like this (with a bigger grade 5 or grade 8 washer cause overkill) to mount the swing to. I found a similar one in a single pack for under $3 so it should be pretty cheap

It depends on the man's shape, I think. CRB would know more about this I suspect. This one worked well.

This one was good too.

this one is good

Love this thing: rolling under bed safe with a cable lock to lock to your bed frame. Kids have asked what it is I we said don’t worry about it. I’ve been meaning to empty it, fill with random stuff and show them “ok you get to see once what’s in there.

ECR4Kids Lock and Roll Portable Under-Bed Personal Safe https://www.amazon.com/dp/B005JCZI5G/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_rpMPCbQ7K32ZH

That's the set I started with! Totally agree with your initial thoughts. Ended up 'upgrading(?)' to an Njoy plug which I enjoy immensely when in that mood

Okay well the specific one I got it from now the link says unavailable, but I think this is the same thing, though I cannot swear it's the exact one. It looks like it. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078JLMC9H/ref=psdc_10786421_t3_B0052Z8VAE

I got this book back in '98 and it's still one of the best available today.

https://www.amazon.com/Art-Sensual-Massage-40th-Anniversary/dp/0983402159/

Sexual Intelligence by Marty Klein

She Comes First by Ian Kermer

Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel

Come as you are by Emily Nagoski

Magic shaving powder. It's fantastic!

I think this has been posted before in another thread but anyone looking to dip toes without breaking the bank should check this out on Amazon. generic wedge for $20 you can’t go wrong. We ordered on and it’s awesome.

I highly recommend:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005JCZI5G/

https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Wand-Massager-Essentials-Controller/dp/B0089175GE/

Make sure you get a real one and not a knockoff, there is a noticable difference.

Save yourself the pain next time. Make a paste, paint it on whatever you want hairless, wipe it off 5 mins later with a shower glove. Porn star smooth for 2 weeks.

https://www.amazon.com/Magic-Fragrant-Shaving-Powder-Ounce/dp/B0048ZIFA0

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00NGKWKRC