(Part 2) Best adolescent psychology books according to redditors

According to Rampage: The Social Roots of School Shootings and Why Kids Kill: Inside the Minds of School Shooters, most rampage shooters were at least as likely to be bullies themselves as they were bullied. Often both were true. Many were from stable, solidly middle-class families, involved in social extracurriculars like sports teams or band, and weren’t considered loners by their teachers, families, or peers. Few had a history of behavioral problems and most made average grades or above. They weren’t “trouble kids.”

What the shooters studied did all have in common, though, was an outsized reaction to perceived social rejection. So when they experienced what would have been a relatively insignificant issue for most students—the breakup of a week-long relationship or normal teasing from peers—the school shooters would take such slights very personally. They had a history of insecurity and overreacting. That doesn’t necessarily mean they were bullied though.

They’d also often make choices that would lead to further peer rejection. I’m not talking about joining the chess team because they liked chess, even though it’d be “social suicide.” I’m talking about doing things like claiming to be in a gang and bragging about made-up crimes, when it’s obvious they were not involved and couldn’t have done what they claimed.

The outsized reaction, a sort of social persecution complex, also colors what they leave behind—diaries, blogs, videos, etc. The picture of the school shooter as a loner bullied by the cool kids until they snap is largely informed by the killers themselves. That picture gets hyped in the media, but there’s good evidence to show that we can’t take those narratives at face value.

That’s why we need more in-depth study about mass shooting incidents. Problem is, research is often crippled by the Dickey Amendment. We need to repeal that so we can get a better picture of what’s actually going on before these shootings, so we can stop them in the future.

Bullying peaks in 6th and 9th grade, at least in the US, so it may get a bit better without you having to do anything.

I work at a high school, and one of my special interests is preventing bullying. The reason is that based on my own experiences as a student and a teacher, schools don't handle bullying in a very effective way. Usually, the response is limited to the victim being told to report harassment to a teacher. When teachers receive reports, they often decide they can't do anything because they don't have any evidence, and then the harassment gets worse.

I highly recommend Dr. Jaana Juvonen's book Peer Harassment in School: The Plight of the Vulnerable and Victimized because it takes an evidence-based approach to understanding bullying, why students do it, who the victims are, and what can be done about it.

There are no magic bullets, but there are several techniques mentioned that have been helpful for my students.

I agree. My movie watching wasn’t restricted when I was a kid either. I also totally went through a mean girls phase (way before that movie was a thing). I learned some hard lessons from being a bully and being bullied. I book that helped me understand a lot of it was Odd Girl Out.

https://www.amazon.com/Odd-Girl-Out-Revised-Updated/dp/B005UVQ98Q

By far one of the nicest places on the nets: RAOA, I am pleased to announce 3 major projects, all realized and in active development per Reddit's TOP MEN (and women!):

In ACTIVE DEVELOPMENT:
A potential TV pilot (hint: a combo of some of your favorite actors/actresses from all over)

A March of Dimes potential benefit for a national scale (www.marchofdimes.com)

A potential TED/ TED X talk re: actual education on cyber bullying, something I (and, at large, all of us, do) have experience with. I wanted to provide noted Slate.com journalist Emily Bazelon an opportunity to do a public talk somewheres, and I have sent links to people in pretty high places.

I read, researched and devoured all significant content on a recent Clinical Psych paper; and wanted to provide informed and understanding people of the world with a great overview. I first heard of it on Fresh Air/some NPR program, and I said, hmm, I could approach her with something.

Link to Emily's Book

I've got a virtual creative soup goin' with some fine people in my extensive life experience. Fun fact: all of this was realized, relentlessly worked on inside of a week. I have had a great many awesome experiences; and I consider myself a Kerouac-esque devoted individual to many different disciplines. I even scored a dinner date with a lovely young PA that's 5 years older than I, but we are virtual equals intellectually.

Everyone that has been kind to me, it's time to give a little back to the world, a world that had somewhat "always hated me," you've "always been there" for me, and I feel "heaven blessed" to know some good people in the world.

I'd guess that I've found my grail after many years of consuming lots of different stuff.

Many thanks for the love I've gotten here,

B

This book. http://www.amazon.com/Preparing-Adolescence-James-C-Dobson/dp/0842350373

I wish I were joking

Age, up to a point is quite important. Piaget stages of development cover this quite strongly as there are points where children and adolsecnents are unable to 'critically think' as well as a fully development adult. Indeed you can look at correlations between moralistic development and critical thinking development and some argue that some people never reach the higher tiers of either of these.

As for after these phases I would agree re: life experience, I don' think people are talking down in this case but take a tried and true example of 'first love' - almost everyone goes through that experience of being with 'the one' and having their heart broken, and although you can explain it logically and the process that comes after it often is very hard to conceptualise it on a personal level without having experienced it.

If you more interested I suggest this book: http://www.amazon.com/Developmental-Psychology-Critical-Thinking-ebook/dp/B005CH00LU

I would recommend Pink Brain Blue Brain as a general-audiences book and Brain Gender as more of a scientific one.

In college, find a way to do it for you.

10 years ago I was where you are now, an overachiever bound for an elite university. Like you, I was doing it for other people. (Differences: I did more sports, music, and science instead of leadership, and only one of my parents was driving me, and I averaged 7 hours of sleep per night, but my life was regimented and packed with optimal activities.) The Price of Privilege provided some insight into what I was feeling and reassurance that my feelings were a normal reaction to an unmanageable situation. Read it and feel better.

It's been a rough journey getting here because I lost my sense of direction for a long time.

This is going to sound bizarre, but: to be happier, dial back your sense of duty to other people, while continuing to overachieve. Richard Feynman's philosophy was "What Do You Care What Other People Think?" and he was very successful and loved. Most therapists would tell you that you're allowed to decide what your "needs" are and to pursue any legal means of satisfying your needs no matter how strange or useless. Some subcultures deliberately cultivate antisocial/sociopathic practices, such as the "smile and nod" of finance guys or the "dark triad" of pickup guys, and this is 100% legal and typically results in positive outcomes for the guys. I don't recommend going full Nietzsche, but I do recommend doing slightly less for other people so you can sleep at least 6 hours per night on average.

Three major failures I made (avoid these):

First, I screwed up academically in college because my middle-class parents couldn't see the next step after college clearly enough to pressure me to get there. So, I wasted a long time in second-tier jobs and grad school. I'm an engineer at a prestigious company now, but my friends who stayed top-tier through a finance or business-school track now make 4x what I make. Get top grades plus 1 impressive project/extracurricular per semester...it's a lot, and it's enough to open the doors to the next top-tier opportunities. Overuse the college's resources (counseling, office hours, tutoring, emailing professors, talking to alumni) until any problems that come up are fixed.

Second, I screwed up my relationships because I was fundamentally a people-pleaser. My positive qualities (success, prestige, hotness) were attractive, and I felt like I could slack off on these because I was in a relationship. When my girlfriend had a better option, she dumped me. Always be your woman's best option if you want her to stay around. And, if something bothers you, fix it! You are your own best therapist...if something bothers you it's probably because it needs fixing.

Third, stay on track after college. Not sure what your adult mentors/overlords expect from you but with your skills and work ethic plus some good choices you could retire at age 30 with $1.5 million in the bank. Being honest here: I'm overweight, single, and on track to retire at age 65. I can tell you that there's no joy in slacking off with the many easy processed experiences available to the masses. The happiest point in my life was probably my Freshman fall of college right before classes started, when I realized I had done what I set out to do 5 years ago, but before I realized I was caught between conflicting requests (from my college friends, girlfriends, and parents) and was on track to fall off the fast track. Always have an intelligent 5-year plan, follow it, and re-evaluate yearly. Seek a lot of blunt criticism from many people 10 years older than you who've done it before, to figure out what good options are.

Anyway...if you've already accepted a college's offer...drop most of your commitments to focus on a single project that you care a lot about and have final decision-making authority over / majority ownership of. Also reach out to graduates of your intended alma mater and other experienced professionals ~10 years ahead of you to make sure you understand what the options are and how to get where you want to go.

But dude, the work you've already done means your worst-case outcome is equal to most people's goal outcome, and your family will still love you even if you fail out. You've done good, and it gets better.

This is a pretty solid read if you want to dive into it a bit. First person perspective from a guy who was a kid in the system, and is now a professor. Interesting read for sure.

I have always spoken with my son as if he's a little adult. Treating him like a child never worked.

My son would wear shorts when it was snowing and long pants in the summer. It doesn't seem to bother him much anymore though he will wear his jacket all day in school literally until I tell him it's way too hot to keep wearing it.

There are social story books you can get. There are all kinds: Xmas, birthday parties, brushing your teeth, going to school, how to greet someone, etc.
Just a few ideas:

http://www.amazon.com/The-New-Social-Story-Book/dp/188547766X

http://www.thegraycenter.org/social-stories

http://www.sharonscreativecorner.com/279/making-social-story-books-about-your-child/

Why Students Underachieve by Dr. Melrose changed my outlook on my students and opened my eyes to the trauma they've undergone. I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

I have just finished reading The Price of Privilege: How Parental Pressure and Material Advantage Are Creating a Generation of Disconnected and Unhappy Kids which spells out pretty much exactly what this article was talking about but with stats and data to back up what Levine said. I found the book extremely readable and interesting...I think the debate is fascinating and, although I did not fully agree with everything in the book, it was, for me, definitely worth reading.

here's the link to the amazong page:

http://www.amazon.com/Price-Privilege-Advantage-Generation-Disconnected/dp/006059585X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1421038389&sr=8-1&keywords=price+of+privilege

Here are all the local Amazon links I could find:


amazon.co.uk

amazon.ca

amazon.com.au

amazon.in

amazon.com.mx

amazon.de

amazon.it

amazon.es

amazon.com.br

amazon.nl

amazon.co.jp

amazon.fr

Beep bloop. I'm a bot to convert Amazon ebook links to local Amazon sites.
I currently look here: amazon.com, amazon.co.uk, amazon.ca, amazon.com.au, amazon.in, amazon.com.mx, amazon.de, amazon.it, amazon.es, amazon.com.br, amazon.nl, amazon.co.jp, amazon.fr, if you would like your local version of Amazon adding please contact my creator.

http://www.amazon.com/Developmental-Profiles-Pre-Birth-Through-Adolescence/dp/1111830959

What about this? Is this something you are familiar with, or do you think it would be worth perusing?

https://www.amazon.com/Loose-Leaf-Adolescence-Laurence-Steinberg/dp/1260401618/


except epub or pdf or anything digital

I recommend you reading about evolutionary psychology (if you haven't already), this book explains a lot of the biological reasons behind certain human behavior and it is a good introduction on the subject.

Well if you give him some control in the decision then he will be less oppositional, defiant, disobedient, passive aggressive etc. He is doing that for he thinks that is the only way to get what he wants for he feels he has no control in the situation and since you are his parents and its your way or the highway the only thing he feels he can do is "hit the brakes" and be a PITA. Your son may be great but even if he is the most awesome kid in the world sometimes your kid can wear down your patience :)

Once the kid understand that you share the same goals as him. You want him to succed, and you do not want him to drug him so he is not himself anymore he will be more receptiant to compromise since he understands you two share the same goals you just differ on the way to earn that goal.

And once you can assay his fears, for his fears are legitimate, but unlikely then he will be willing to try the medication. He has no clue what is the chance of those side effects happening, he is no medical expert, and you guys are no medical expert so outside experts such as a doctor that he feels is on his side (not his parents side but his side) as well as that ADHD expert I linked to will allow him to answers his legitimate fears, and once his fears are answered he will be willing to take a chance if you can also "sell the idea that meds will make his life easier and he will get more of what he really deep down wants."

Your son wants to succeed, he does not want to coast for the sake of coasting, he wants success but if success seems unlikely or requires so much effort that he feels exhausted he will give up for this is human nature, but ADHD people are much more sensitive of "mental exhaustion" for it is harder for us to refuel our own internal motivation.

----

The person I linked to is one of the best ADHD experts out there, you can find many of his videos on youtube under Dr. Barkley. He also wrote a book called Your Defiant Teen, Second Edition: 10 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Rebuild Your Relationship. It will help you speak with more empathy when you speak to your teen and via this everyone's life in the family will improve for we fight not because we hate the other person but because we love them but we also want our own personal goals and dreams.

Barkley also recommends the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families.

----

I wish your son the best, I have no doubt he is smart, but the times of middle school, high school, and college are the hardest times for an ADHD person for it is lot of skills you are just naturally not good at yet they are important and you can not run away from them like you can with a job. A job you need money but you get to choose the job that suits your talents. Only time that even compares to school years I listed are when an ADHD adult recently becomes a parent and they are overwhelmed by all the new work and responsibility and they have not yet adapted.

Hi Fried, I don't agree that what gets labeled schizophrenia is a "disorder" - that's a value judgment about how people respond to adverse experiences, psychological and biological.

Also do not agree that these problems have a biological origin (if by origin one means cause); that has never been confirmed. What I believe is that there are biological and epigenetic correlates to extreme distress as the person and environment interact.

Lastly, there been many, many accounts of full recovery from a diagnosis of schizophrenia; I thought that issue was already resolved and am always sincerely surprised when people say they think schizophrenia is incurable. I'll paste in here my list of reading of intensive psychotherapeutic approaches to schizophrenia, starting from decades ago and going up till the present, which contains a few hundred cases with many stories of "cure"; I think if people were more familiar with this work they'd be a lot more optimistic:


Wilhelm Reich (1945) – Character Analysis, 3rd Edition

http://www.amazon.com/Character-Analysis-Wilhelm-Reich/dp/0374509808/

Paul Federn (1952) – Ego Psychology and the Psychoses

http://www.amazon.com/psychology-psychoses-basic-classics-psychiatry/dp/B0007DODH6/

Freida-Fromm Reichmann (1960) – Principles of Intensive Psychotherapy

http://www.amazon.com/Principles-Intensive-Psychotherapy-Phoenix-Books/dp/0226265994/

Bryce Boyer and Peter Giovacchini (1967)– Psychoanalytic Treatment of Characterological and Schizophrenic Disorders

http://www.amazon.com/Psychoanalytic-treatment-schizophrenic-characterological-disorders/dp/B0006BOYG4/

Harold Searles (1968) – Schizophrenia and Related Subjects –

http://www.amazon.com/Collected-Schizophrenia-Related-Subjects-Maresfield/dp/0946439303/

Elvin Semrad (1969) – Teaching Psychotherapy of Psychotic Patients; Supervision of Beginning Residents in the “Clinical Approach”.

http://www.amazon.com/Psychotherapy-Psychotic-Supervision-Beginning-Residents/dp/080890423X/

Bryce Boyer, ed. (1973) - Master Clinicians on Treating the Regressed Patient Volume 1

http://www.amazon.com/Master-Clinicians-Treating-Regressed-Patient/dp/0876688342

Silvano Arieti (1974) – Interpretation of Schizophrenia, 2nd Edition

http://www.amazon.com/Interpretation-Schizophrenia-Silvano-Arieti/dp/0465034292/

Vamik Volkan (1976) – Primitive Internalized Object Relations: A Clinical Study of Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizophrenic Patients

http://www.amazon.com/Primitive-Internalized-Object-Relations-Schizophrenic/dp/0823649954/

Bertram Karon and Gary VandenBos (1977) – Psychotherapy of Schizophrenia: The Treatment of Choice

http://www.amazon.com/Psychotherapy-Schizophrenia-The-Treatment-Choice-ebook/dp/B00C1OKHWO/

Bryce Boyer, ed. (1977) - Master Clinicians on Treating the Regressed Patient Volume 2

http://www.amazon.com/Master-Clinicians-Treating-Regressed-Patient/dp/1568210043

Gaetano Benedetti (1977) – Psychotherapy of Schizophrenia

http://www.amazon.com/Psychotherapy-Schizophrenia-Master-Work/dp/1568217560/

Harold Searles (1979) – The Nonhuman Environment in Normal Development and in Schizophrenia

http://www.amazon.com/Nonhuman-Environment-Normal-Development-Schizophrenia/dp/B007BNLLNE/

Harold Searles (1979) – Countertransference and Related Subjects

http://www.amazon.com/Countertransference-Related-Subjects-Selected-Papers/dp/0823610853

Ping-Nie Pao (1979) – Schizophrenic Disorders: Theory and Treatment from a Psychodynamic Point of View

http://www.amazon.com/Schizophrenic-Disorders-Theory-Treatment-Psychodynamic/dp/0823659909/

Donald Rinsley (1980) – Treatment of the Severely Disturbed Adolescent

http://www.amazon.com/Treatment-Severely-Disturbed-Adolescent-Rinsley/dp/1568212224/

Bryce Boyer (1983) – The Regressed Patient

http://www.amazon.com/Regressed-Patient-Bryce-L-Boyer/dp/0876686269/

Herbert Rosenfeld (1985) – Psychotic States: A Psychoanalytical Approach

http://www.amazon.com/Psychotic-States-Psychoanalytic-Approach-Maresfield/dp/0950714682/

Herbert Rosenfeld (1987) – Impasse and Interpretation: Therapeutic and Anti-Therapeutic Factors in the Psychoanalytic Treatment of Psychotic, Borderline, and Neurotic Patients

http://www.amazon.com/Impasse-Interpretation-Anti-Therapeutic-Psychoanalytic-Psychoanalysis/dp/0415010128/

Bent Rosenbaum (1988) – The Language of Psychosis

http://www.amazon.com/Language-Psychosis-Bent-Rosenbaum/dp/0814774032

Thomas Ogden (1988) – The Primitive Edge of Experience

http://www.amazon.com/Primitive-Edge-Experience-Thomas-Ogden-ebook/dp/B001XCVU4E/

Edward Podvoll (1991) – The Seduction of Madness: Revolutionary Insights into the World of Psychosis and a Compassionate Approach to Recovery at Home

http://www.amazon.com/Seduction-Madness-Revolutionary-Psychosis-Compassionate/dp/0060921188/

David Rosenfeld (1992) – The Psychotic Aspects of the Personality

http://www.amazon.com/Psychotic-Aspects-Personality-David-Rosenfeld-ebook/dp/B005NYS2C6/

Gaetano Benedetti and Pier-Maria Furlan (1993) – Psychotherapy of Schizophrenia: Effective Clinical Approaches – Controversies, Critiques and Recommendations

http://www.amazon.com/Psychotherapy-Schizophrenia-Effective-Approaches-Controversies-Recommendations/dp/088937077X/

Michael Robbins (1993) – Experiences of Schizophrenia: An Integration of the Personal, Scientific, and Therapeutic

http://www.amazon.com/Experiences-Schizophrenia-Integration-Scientific-Therapeutic/dp/0898629977/

There's a lot of reasons why people choose the majors they do. Certainly science majors are more difficult than those in the humanities. So, speculatively that might be one reason... that's part of the reason that's stated in the media. I do know another reason is that science is devalued; nobody likes a "nerd" and so some people avoid science for this reason.

http://www.amazon.com/Nerds-They-Need-More-Them/dp/1585425907

Need: Sadowski, M. (2017). Adolescents at School, 2nd Ed. Cambridge, MA: Harvard Education Press (ISBN: 2818440056208) in PDF form. Here's an Amazon link: https://www.amazon.com/Adolescents-School-Perspectives-Identity-Education/dp/1891792946.

Will pay up to $5 in Paypal.

Edit: Done!

I assume the objection you're referring to belongs to /u/calla_allac at the top of this thread.

Personally, I don't think sexual objectification is morally objectionable in and of itself in the context of sexual fantasies - I think people are able to distinguish between their own sexual fantasies and reality - but I don't think your example here is support for that idea: in your example, seeing you on the street or making inferences based on what I see you write online, I will most certainly make assessments about those things, and how they reflect on you, but I wouldn't assume that the traits you exhibit are the sole relevant features of your person. In other words, making inferences about you is not, in and of itself, objectification, sexual or otherwise - I'm aware that I don't have the whole picture here.

I won't bother providing anecdotes of sexual objectification in advertising - I think the aphorism in advertising that "sex sells" is sufficient to illustrate that this is a statistically significant phenomenon. What's especially morally questionable is that women are perceived as sexual objects in pictures much more than men are: Integrating Sexual Objectification With Object Versus Person Recognition: The Sexualized-Body-Inversion Hypothesis. Here's another.Seeing women as objects: The sexual body part recognition bias

Rachel Calogero has researched and written extensively about the harm posed by self-objectification and how self-objectification is fostered and enforced by a cultural norm of objectification. (The strongest of which, I suspect, is advertising, though I have no citation for that.) She also wrote a book about it.