(Part 3) Best child counseling books according to redditors
We found 911 Reddit comments discussing the best child counseling books. We ranked the 252 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 41-60. You can also go back to the previous section.
> What is gender, Adam? What is it?
I will post the following in honor of our dearly departed Derpsti.
"Gender" in the way Adam uses it (outside of being a "grammatical construct") doesn't exist, it was made up by a proto-SJW named "John Money", who coined what is today known as "gender theory" or "gender is a social construct" for that.
Biologically speaking there is only masculine and feminine with some abberations, assumed to be because of hormone imbalances during pregnancies and similar effects, actual scientists have been trying to advance science in those areas to be able to more accurately tell if a baby is male or female in these special cases, but it seems hard since their findings conflict with social scientists talking out of their ass and their "gender ideology" often making such research a taboo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFYfZg1jsJU
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Prenatal-Testosterone-Mind-Amniotic-Bradford/dp/0262524562
Before John Money, the concept of "gender" didn't exist, in English it was just used as the grammatical counterpart for the latin "genus".
If you want to read more about him, notice the David Reimer case and what he thinks about pedos near the end of the article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Money#Controversies
He basically pressured the parents of a child with disfigured genitalia after a failed operation without any scientific basis to stand on to have his "member" removed at a very early age because his theory was that the environmental part of the upbringing will take care of the rest and he will “identify as a girl”, upon which he apparently suffered from the consequences of said decision based on that belief throughout his entire childhood and into his adult life having psychological problems and suicidal thoughts (and finally killing himself), nonetheless this theory and thought pattern still persists today.
The entire social sciences field, and unfortunately even some hard sciences started adopting the term "gender" after his experiments with children, which as described above failed in a big way but he declared as a success anyway, making him the originator of “gender theory” in the social sciences: http://www.oeb.harvard.edu/faculty/haig/Publications_files/04InexorableRise.pdf
There was also a BBC documentary regarding this very incident if you are interested to know more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUTcwqR4Q4Y
And there was another documentary called "Brainwashing" by Harald Eia that featured an Intersex case in the episode "Nature vs. Nurture", it starts about 15 minutes in and shows another medical doctor that seems to actually care and wants to improve the situation but is contradicted by your usual "social sciences/gender studies" types with the usual SJW bullshit, it's a very interesting episode dealing with the "Nature vs. Nurture" argument: http://www.dailymotion.com/video/xp14wz_hjernevask-brainwashing-english-part-7-nature-vs-nurture_news
There are lots of [how to books on Amazon] (https://www.amazon.com/Baby-Sign-Language-Basics-Communication/dp/1401921604/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1481173636&sr=8-2&keywords=baby+sign+language).
Interesting side note: Why would a baby need to have a voice box high in the throat? Why not be born with a voice box in its proper location? Because having the low voice box stops you from breathing and swallowing at the same time-- if adults do that, we choke. Babies, chimps, dogs, cats... they all can breath and swallow at the same time without choking because for the high voice box (imagine a baby breast feeding and stopping to breath every couple seconds-- that would be weird). Adult humans can talk... but the trade-off is that we also can choke to death.
I highly, highly recommend good ABA. Good is the key part because ABA done wrong can be very damaging and abusive to the child. ABA done right can be absolutely amazing. I was afraid to start ABA when it was recommended for my 17 month old, but it's the absolute best form of therapy he's had. When therapy is done with the goal of erasing all symptoms and signs of autism, then that therapy, whether it be Floortime, RDI, ESDM, ABA, or something else, it will always have the potential to be abusive. When therapy is done with the understanding and acceptance of autism, then it will be not be abusive when applied correctly.
When my son was 17 months old, he had numerous severe delays and it helped tremendously with that so that he's now newly 3 with less severe delays. I see ABA as the therapy that's allowed my son to really shine so that autism is more of a benefit than a deficit.
In order to find good ABA, grab a copy of An Early Start For Your Child With Autism. It's the easy to understand parent guidebook for the Early Start Denver Model, which is a form of therapy developed specifically for children under 5 with a focus on under 3. The book teaches you the basics of ABA so that you can do it yourself at home. The whole form of therapy is play-based and child led, so that you both enjoy doing it. It's been amazing for my son.
In addition to that excellent book, the people behind it, from the UC Davis MIND institution, also put out this ADEPT parenting series. Part 1 focuses on how to teach skills. Part 2 focuses on behavior management. In my opinion, they put the modules in the wrong order. If you read the book and watch through the entire modules, they explain how skills can't develop properly if the connections aren't first made. If your child's sensory needs aren't met, then it's very hard for them to learn. They also explain why stimming shouldn't be discouraged, why punishment rarely works for autistic children (and what to do instead), and how to increase communication skills.
The book An Early Start has information on how to find a good ABA therapist, but I wanted to emphasize these key points:
1. Ask autistic adults about their experience and use that to shape what you work on in therapy.
After talking with the autistic adults in my son's life and online, we don't force eye contact. Instead, we do face contact. Many autistic adults have explained their extreme discomfort with eye contact and eye contact isn't necessary for a successful life. Face contact is important for a variety of reasons, but there are non-forceful ways to increase face contact. If you want your child to look at you more, then figure out ways to make your face fun and interesting. Your child should be looking at you because he or she wants to look at you, not out of need.
Similarly, stimming. Stimming used to be discouraged and children were punished for stimming. Now, the experts agree that punishing stimming is a huge mistake. In the ADEPT series, it is compared it to shivering. Punishing a person for shivering doesn't stop them from being cold, it just removes a mechanism of them dealing with the cold.
Recently, my son suddenly started stimming in his preschool classroom. His ABA therapist recognized this as a sign of discomfort. She got out a little emotional chart and asked him if he was upset. When he said he was, she asked what he was upset about. It turned out that he heard them vacuuming in a different room in the school (he hates vacuums and has super hearing). She helped him with his fear of the vacuum (asked them to wait to vacuum and showed him videos he liked on youtube to help him calm down). This had the function of stopping the stimming, but the stimming was not the problem - the vacuum was.
Her goal with stimming is not to stop the stimming, but to remove any discomfort that is cause the stimming. Stimming is the coping mechanism.
Sometimes stimming is just done for fun. My son will sometimes stim things he likes, so I'll join in with him. Sometimes he'll want to do a joint activity with me, other times he prefers to be alone. I try to follow his lead, which brings me to...
2. Follow your child's lead.
ABA should be fun. For children under 5, I recommend the Early Start Denver Model and Joint Attention Mediated Learning. Floortime and RDI are two other models designed for older children that are centered around following your child's interests in order to build connections and teach skills. You can check out Floortime and RDI now for a few suggestions for young children, although I personally found ESDM most useful when my son was under 3.
If your child is not interested in learning a certain skill, figure out how to make that skill fun and interesting for your child.
My son used to be obsessed with vehicles. We took him on trips to the fire station, car shows, and followed garbage trucks around. We taught him the parts of my car and the names of different vehicles. We counted vehicles, we sorted vehicles by colors, we built structures for our vehicles to drive on, etc. Lately he's been obsessed with vacuums, so I bought toy vacuums, got broken down vacuums which we take apart and put back together, we 'read' vacuum manuals together. By showing interest in his world, he's much more interested in doing things I suggest.
3. Play to your child's strengths.
My son is a lot like his uncle when it comes to how his autism presents. It gives him some amazing gifts. We work on his weaknesses, but also play to his strengths a lot. For my son, that's an incredible memory, super hearing and vision, and an innate understanding of complex systems.
If he's struggling with something, I'll often make up a song because he loves music and can remember songs even if I only sing them a few times. Putting on his shoes was a real struggle. Rather than just keep doing it over and over until he got it, I thought about what would make it easier for him to remember the steps in order. A song.
Similarly, I taught him how to count to 10 in Spanish through a song with the numbers. He loves it and will often sing it to himself.
All people have certain areas where they do better compared to others. Focus on these areas and figure out how you can make the skills you want to teach easy to learn.
As the behavior experts say, Hawking can communicate perfectly well despite the fact that he can't speak with his voice. On the other hand, there are adults who can speak with their voice, but are terrible communicators. What communication method allows your child to best be understood? What communication method allows you to best communicate with your child? Use that. My son is now fully verbal, but we still use picture schedules and songs with certain routines.
4. Ask yourself, "Is this important/necessary?"
My son used to elope. After seeing the amount of autistic children who die from eloping, I knew that it was vitally important that we reduce eloping. Similarly, functional communication is important and that's something we still work on.
But tying shoes? My autistic brother still struggles with tying shoes, so his wife bought him those special shoe laces that don't require tying. For my son, we use velcro. It's not important. You can be a functional adult without tying shoes.
Eye contact? The autistic adults in my life focus on lips, noses, eyebrows instead. They do fine without it.
Again, talk to the autistic adults and figure out what is necessary. A cure is not necessary. Being neurotypical is not necessary. I have zero desire to turn my autistic son into his twin.
I wrote a post with more details on how I found good ABA therapists here.
On facebook, I'm in some great evidence-based groups for autism. One is "Evidence-based autism support". Others are "Woo-free spd (and other neurological disorders", "evidence-based autism parenting support group" and I'm in a few nonreligious evidence-based groups as well.
ETA: To use an example of something ABA can help with that an OT, ST, PT, etc might miss is in establishing joint attention with other children her age. My ABA therapists recently discovered that my son is quite social and was making play invitations to his 2 year old/early 3 classmates that were being missed. I hadn't observed this myself because us adults are very good at recognizing when a child is giving a play invite and his twin brother is naturally interested in his play. His ABA therapist had observed him approaching other children with toys, but speaking near them, not to them and not making sure that they could hear when talking to them. His brother will establish joint attention as part of a play invite, even going as far as grabbing your face if he feels you aren't listening to you. My son would just give the invite, then get discouraged and walk away when the other child failed to respond.
With the help of his ABA therapists, we've been working on teaching him joint attention, and how to establish joint attention when making a request of others.
Just as a point of reference, my 3 year old cries like that quite a bit. Usually over quite trivial matters. This morning, she cried for 15 minutes straight because her daddy plugged in her ipod to the charger instead of letting her do it.
So some of it is just developmental and/or personality at that point. Stay patient and just keep letting him know that you are there for him. At some point, you'll notice a bit of a break in the crying and that's when you ask if he wants you to hold him. If you have a rocker of big comfy chair, that would be nice to snuggle up in. Maybe offer him some water or juice and to read a book or something.
I know this sounds shitty to say but don't frantically offer him up all kinds of stuff to do or big treats just to make him feel better. He'll figure out that this is how he can get stuff. Just be there to comfort and let him get it all out. If you validate his feelings and mirror them back to him, it'll help him be able to talk about them in the future. It also decreases the crying. You literally just say exactly what he's saying back to him. "you want your daddy. yes, you want your daddy." It really helps them to feel like they've been heard rather than, "It's ok" because in his mind, it's really not ok and to be told that is rather confusing.
Some good books to read are this series:
Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy (this title always cracks me up)
and
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk (this one has some really old school illustrations but it's great for talking to kids and adults of all ages)
Good luck, you are doing a wonderful thing taking him in. I'm sure transitions will get easier from here on out.
You sound like an amazing step dad! I think you should keep on keeping on.
Keep in mind that teenagerdom brings about interest in sex. So it is likely a weird thing for her to even consider loving you at this point. She's now trying to break away from her child self and grow into her adult self. Love and loving physical contact with parents starts to get weird, add in that you aren't her bio and... I'm sure you can imagine how mixed up that can make a person feel.
If you feel like you are both having a good time and she wants to hang out, keep doing it, having a bond with you will be good for her in the tumultuous teen years to come. If you feel like she maybe isn't as into it, keep offering with sincerity and don't let a no hurt your feelings. It has everything to do with being a teenager.
I would highly recommend reading Get Out of My Life, but First Could You Drive Me & Cheryl to the Mall: A Parent's Guide to the New Teenager, Revised and Updated, as well as Queen Bees and Wannabes, 3rd Edition: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boys, and the New Realities of Girl World, and for the boys Masterminds and Wingmen: Helping Our Boys Cope with Schoolyard Power, Locker-Room Tests, Girlfriends, and the New Rules of Boy World.
Watching my kids feel the freedom and fear that comes from leaving TSCC. This has been really helpful.
P.S. IT'S NOT THE BISHOP
https://www.amazon.com/Self-Driven-Child-Science-Giving-Control/dp/0735222517
This 100x. Your child could be just slow to come out of his shell so to speak, but if you think there might be something more, get him assessed. It is too important to put off and cross your fingers. Best case scenario: you go in and the psychiatrist says your son isn't likely to be on the spectrum, worst case: you know what is going on and can start to help asap.
Early intervention is so helpful, the younger you can start a child with autism in some sort of therapy, the better. I looked up some resources in your area A to Z Pediatric Therapy looks to be somewhat near you (maybe?). Autism Speaks is a fantastic site with all sorts of useful information.
This book was recommended to me when we started going through the process with my son, and is helpful even if your child isn't actually diagnosed. It has a lot of good information and tips.
Ultimately, the best advocate for your son is you. You know him best, you know what seems right and what seems wrong. Good luck, and I hope your son blossoms into your world soon.
We have a very good understanding of their intelligence. They are probably some of the most well studied species in terms of behaviour and cognitive abilities on this planet. In ELI5/TLDR* most researchers would characterize their intelligence of being equivalent to a 2-3 year old human child. Just a short list of things that characterize these species:
...
I suppose another way of looking at this is what do we have that they lack. What makes humans unique?
We know of some factors that contributed to our awareness and unique intelligence as compared to other living species. It is important to know that this is a very active area of study in many different disciplines (psychology, biology, animal behaviour, psychiatry, physiology, anthropology, neurology, linguistics, genetics, archeology...).
These two traits, shared intentionality and cumulative culture, led to the development of other aspects of our being which are unique (e.g language). Everything else that we can do is just a happy by-product of these two traits: being able to go to the moon, or build a super dam, or create art, or think in the abstract, maths, industrial agriculture...Those things are by-products of our level of cognition. Our uniqueness is derived from shared intentionality and cumulative culture plus a couple of random physical traits that we were lucky enough to inherit from our distant ancestors - a big brain, bipedalism, and opposable thumbs. We are not the only species with a large brain-to-body ratio, we are not the only bipedal species, and we are certainly not the only species with opposable thumbs - these are physical characteristics that we inherited from our distant primate ancestors. These traits built the foundation for what was to come.
Whatever the pressure around 40,000-50,000 years ago we notice a significant shift in the archeological record. All of a sudden humans are making cave art, our hunting tools are changing rapidly, we began to engage in long distant trade, we made jewellery and we even had symbolic figures - perhaps the seeds of language. This is known as the period of behavioural modernity. Not only did these humans look like us, they acted like us too. Its hypothesized that an infant from this time could be raised in a modern context with little to no intellectual deficit...we wouldn't be able to pick them out of a crowd. Humans haven't gotten more intelligent over time. It is hypothesized that a human from 50,000 years ago is anatomically and behaviourally modern.
So, if we aren't any smarter - why do we have cell phones and galaxy print jeggings and people didn't way back then? Increasing complexity - we know more than people in the past because we've built upon what they've learned. Humans have always been smart, and our great benefit is that we build on other people's discoveries. Someone figured out how to domesticate plants, someone figured out how to sew cloth, someone figured out how to weave materials, someone figured out synthetic materials and dyes, someone put it all together in those jeggings. We just build on what other people have found out. This is cumulative culture in action. Humans today are not more intelligent than humans living 50,000 years ago - we both have the same potential. The difference between us and them is we have a wealth of shared knowledge to draw upon, and they did not. Humans 5000 years from now could be asking the very same question..."Why didn't they invent warp travel, its so easy!"...well we don't have the wealth of another 5000 years of experience and scientific study to draw upon. We only have what our ancestors gave us. As more and more knowledge is accumulated we should in theory progress faster and faster.
Some interesting books on the subject:
Age of Empathy
Our inner ape
Moral lives of animals
Affective neuroscience
Mothers and others
> "What is gender!?!"
"John Money" coined what is today known as "gender theory" or "gender is a social construct".
Biologically speaking there is only masculine and feminine with some abberations, assumed to be because of hormone imbalances during pregnancies and similar effects, actual scientists have been trying to advance science in those areas to be able to more accurately tell if a baby is male or female in these special cases, but it seems hard since their findings conflict with social scientists talking out of their ass and their "gender ideology" often making such research a taboo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFYfZg1jsJU http://www.amazon.co.uk/Prenatal-Testosterone-Mind-Amniotic-Bradford/dp/0262524562
Before John Money, the concept of "gender" didn't exist, in English it was just used as the grammatical counterpart for the latin "genus".
If you want to read more about him, notice the David Reimer case and what he thinks about pedos near the end of the article: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Money#Controversies
He basically pressured the parents of a child with disfigured genitalia after a failed operation without any scientific basis to stand on to have his "member" removed at a very early age because his theory was that the environmental part of the upbringing will take care of the rest and he will “identify as a girl”, upon which he apparently suffered from the consequences of said decision based on that belief throughout his entire childhood and into his adult life having psychological problems and suicidal thoughts (and finally killing himself by blowing his brain out with a shotgun), nonetheless this theory and thought pattern still persists today.
The entire social sciences field, and unfortunately even some hard sciences started adopting the term "gender" after his experiments with children, which as described above failed in a big way but he declared as a success anyway, making him the originator of “gender theory” in the social sciences: https://pdfs.semanticscholar.org/6547/0cd7d881c38ad10aab847ff1c36855f6e847.pdf
There was also a BBC documentary regarding this very incident if you are interested to know more: https://vimeo.com/55409956
Both my children were born in China and my wife and I are white. From the get go we have been very open about the adoption etc. We got a few ignorant questions about the cost, etc. We are fortunate to live in an area of the Country where they are not the only Chinese children either in their school or their neighborhood so that has made it easier. We have adopted some cultural customs, i.e. we celebrate Lunar new year now, and fortunately my older daughter's High school offers Mandarin as a foreign language option so that has been nice. There is a significant age gap (6 years) between the kids so we were able to bring the older one along with us to China and she got to see China and can talk about the adoption of our youngest so that has been great.
We found this book to be very helpful:
https://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Things-Adopted-Adoptive-Parents/dp/044050838X/ref=pd_sim_14_2?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=044050838X&pd_rd_r=A4DBGYCA77BR92A9YS41&pd_rd_w=vaAwt&pd_rd_wg=7AN74&psc=1&refRID=A4DBGYCA77BR92A9YS41
The biggest take away I got from adoption research is to know and accept that even though your adoption of the child is a wonderful thing, it still leaves a hole that needs to be acknowledged.
Read Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay WITH HIM before you decide anything...
Later on in this thread you state pretty confidently that there is NO WAY this is PPD and that this has been going on for much longer... Was it going on before you got pregnant?
>My husband is USAF and works 12 hours shifts Mon-Fri, he has weekend duty every other weekend.
He is FUCKING EXHAUSTED
>He complains about work, about being tired, about having to (oh heavens NO!) feed his daughter maybe once every two days, and maybe just maybe change a diaper once in a while.. He's not the same person I married and this is killing me...
Work probably sucks, he is probably tired, do you work outside the home? I know it must be lonely and overwhelming to be the sole caretaker of a newborn infant, but if he is working his ass off so you can stay at home and care for the baby, while not completely FAIR, it is understandable that he might feel resentment being asked to do these things... It's not like he's working 9-5 with weekends off and can volunteer to get up with the baby for a few hours so you can get some sleep...
>I've done everything for him since the very first day we met, I gave up my dreams, school, my friends, family and home to be with him, he's the magnetic center for my whole world.
How old are you two? Have you considered that maybe YOU have changed in HIS eyes? If you really have done EVERYTHING for him throughout your entire relationship; How do you think it feels for him to have lost your undivided attention due to the baby?
>I don't remember the last time I saw him have fun, or really enjoy life at all.
No offense, but it doesn't sound like he has ANYTHING in his life worth enjoying... A wife who is unhappy with him, a horrible job, horrible hours, horrible living conditions, the stress of a new baby... From what you've said, he only gets two weekends off a month, and after 4 weeks of 60-80 hour work weeks, how frustrated do you think YOU would be to have to change a diaper and feed a baby?
>He used to be the sweetest most laid back person I've ever met. He wanted to do stuff with me, he wanted to listen to what I had to say and once in a while he'd let us rent the movie I wanted to watch.. but now he's just so angry and selfish, I don't know what changed..
Well, when did it start?
I don't mean to "take his side" in this, but it is always helpful to put yourself in the other person's shoes...
Congratulations on your new baby. Another good book for you to check out would be Raising a Daughter... It might help you look at the future of your marriage in a different light... You already know how important healthy relationship examples are for little girls...
> That's a good question, and I'm not sure I have a decent answer. I can see "tomboy" as being a point on the continuum, I suppose. But my first thought is that it's more about the person's perception of themselves, not my perception of them. A tomboy can feel perfectly comfortable being considered a girl, or it may be an expression of discomfort with that label.
There's my problem. This is just post modernist waffling. If the idea that the personality type tomboy could be considered a gender identity to you "Gender" in the way you've used it (outside of being a "grammatical construct") doesn't exist, it was made up by a proto-SJW named "John Money", who coined what is today known as "gender theory" or "gender is a social construct" for that.
Biologically speaking there is only masculine and feminine with some abberations, assumed to be because of hormone imbalances during pregnancies and similar effects, actual scientists have been trying to advance science in those areas to be able to more accurately tell if a baby is male or female in these special cases, but it seems hard since their findings conflict with social scientists talking out of their ass and their "gender ideology" often making such research a taboo: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFYfZg1jsJU
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Prenatal-Testosterone-Mind-Amniotic-Bradford/dp/0262524562
Before John Money, the concept of "gender" didn't exist, in English it was just used as the grammatical counterpart for the latin "genus".
But in the end, if "gender expression" is nothing more than a personality type, then why should I respect it?
You've clearly never read Ghosts From the Nursery.
Purge your ignorance before you have kids of your own. The first 5 years (the first 2 in particular) are paramount for the baby's cognitive and emotional development. All hitting does is cause fear, hatred, and confusion. Their parents are supposed to be nurturing them, and protecting them from outside threats, not physically abusing them. Infants naturally make a tonne of "mistakes." Infants aren't smart enough to know how or why they have done something wrong, therefore physical punishment merely implies to the mind of the infant that their very nature is wrong, that they are inherently bad, that they are unwanted and unloved.
If done frequently enough, this can shatter the infants psyche, leading potentially to a whole host of emotional or psychological problems in adulthood, and that shattering will remain with them for the rest of their lives.
Everybody pretty much covered it from the top-down data-driven side. Specifically for me I focus on local-level conservation efforts and teaching people how everything is intertwined with our everyday. I highly focus on environmental empathy, because how are we going to get people to make a concerted effort to go green, much less keep up with the information, unless they care about the environment (related, I also focus on green actions that are good for the wallet, like making homemade cleaning fluids, not idling your modern car, and turning off lights you're not using).
For example throwing a cigarette on the ground could
Note how the ground near roads in general doesn't fare well, but especially where you see a lot of cigarette butts at red lights. Ground erodes there as less plants are able to grow. More and more pollution ends up going down the drains along roads. Our natural water filters (aka marshes) work overtime and eventually cannot support life as well. Animals die of accidental ingestion or getting trapped in litter and no longer exist to fill the niche they served, and nothing evolved fast enough to fill that niche instead (this is the problem with exacerbated climate change in general-- nature can't replace itself fast enough). This causes the marsh to die off even faster. Eventually either local citizens end up with unsafe to drink water, or their taxes/water bill goes up to account for the increased filtration needed.
My favorite three books to explain at its most basic level this issue as well as how to teach yourself and children conservation efforts:
Not really sure how being an independent is qualifier for anything....everyone should do their research and climate issues should not be a partisan thing. I am too independent but even if climate change were not a real and dangerous issue, I'd still rather switch to things that will produce less pollution so my lungs can breathe easier and my water taste better. I'd still care about saving an endangered species that's dying due to our own actions of overhunting or deforestation, tenfold if it is the sole provider of a niche.
PS- Sorry you're getting downvoted. :(
Here's my 2 cents on the subject. First, I'd give up on the idea of debating. Most of the debating I see is nothing more than verbal warfare--how productive is that? Well, it probably depends on what your objectives are. Are you out to belittle people and make yourself feel better? Than verbal warfare is the way to go. Are you out to improve knowledge or discover truth? Then debating probably isn't the route to take. Whatever, I'd establish the objective upfront. I'd recommend simply asking questions and providing sources.
So what are some questions involved in the spanking subject?
Here's sources for those interested in studying the issue instead of yelling at each other:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbiq2-ukfhM
http://www.alfiekohn.org/index.php
http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1338338284&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Discipline-Compliance-Alfie-Kohn/dp/1416604723/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338338349&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_17?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=punished+by+rewards+by+alfie+kohn&sprefix=punished+by+rewar%2Cstripbooks%2C256
http://www.amazon.com/No-Contest-Case-Against-Competition/dp/0395631254/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338338440&sr=1-2
http://nospank.net/
http://www.rie.org/
http://www.wholechild.org/vision/documents/TheEffectsOfImprovingCaregivingOnEarlyDevelopment.pdf
http://www.echoparenting.org/
http://www.becomingtheparent.com/all/hp.html
http://drgabormate.com/
http://www.committedparent.com/
http://www.janetlansbury.com/
http://www.regardingbaby.org/
http://www.eileensclasses.com/
http://www.mindfulparentingnyc.com/Mindful_Parenting/Welcome.html
http://www.riemiami.com/
http://www.amazon.com/Dear-Parent-Caring-Infants-Respect/dp/1892560062/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338339719&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Self-Confident-Baby-Encourage-Abilities/dp/1118158792/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1338339719&sr=1-3
http://www.amazon.com/The-RIE-Manual/dp/1892560003/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294253451&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Skinned-Knee-Teachings-Self-Reliant/dp/1416593063/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1298050770&sr=8-1
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ruth+anne+hammond&x=0&y=0
http://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Parent-You-Want-Sourcebook/dp/0553067508/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1294253521&sr=1-1
http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Life-Toddler-Alicia-Lieberman/dp/0028740173/ref=pd_sim_b_2
http://www.amazon.com/Theories-Attachment-Introduction-Ainsworth-Brazelton/dp/1933653388/ref=sr_1_10?ie=UTF8&qid=1298051329&sr=8-10
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000XR2CGU/ref=s9_simh_gw_p14_d0_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=1C1SJ1BR2T4ADEN9VMJM&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846
http://www.amazon.com/Unfolding-Infants-Natural-Gross-Development/dp/1892560070/ref=pd_sim_b_1
http://www.youtube.com/user/stefbot/videos?query=parenting
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyNQFG7C8JM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjxXuDYdBzY
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONNRfflggBg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j1GJsCa_4G8
If you enjoy Gatto you may also enjoy Alfie Kohn, Peter Grey, John Holt, Frank Smith and others.
It'd be nice if onmyface could formulate his criticisms without launching insults.
YES YES YES YES. I don't think non-teachers, or people not involved with the school systems realize this, but the Department of Education is an absolute bureaucratic waste of space. Take a look at Finland and how they do things - more power in the hands of the people actually teaching the students. Non-teachers, and especially bureaucrats, should not be making policy decisions regarding what is and isn't taught to children. The No Child Left Behind garbage, Obama's awful awful AWFUL incentive system, and the 'standardization' of our schools is destroying the U.S. education system.
A good read:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2010/dec/05/finland-schools-curriculum-teaching
Also let me randomly suggest this great book:
http://www.amazon.com/Book-Learning-Forgetting-Frank-Smith/dp/080773750X
Always My Child: A Parent's Guide to Understanding Your Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgendered, or Questioning Son or Daughter - Kevin Jennings
The GENDER Book - Mel Reiff Hill
The Gender Creative Child: Pathways for Nurturing and Supporting Children Who Live Outside Gender Boxes - Diane Ehrensaft
Gender Diversity and Non-Binary Inclusion in the Workplace: The Essential Guide for Employers - Sarah Gibson, J. Fernandez
Helping Your Transgender Teen: A Guide for Parents - Irwin Krieger
The Transgender Teen: A Handbook for Parents and Professionals Supporting Transgender and Non-Binary Teens - Stephanie Brill
Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children - Rachel Pepper
> The idea that people are taking their children to gender clinics to get trans therapy as young as 8 or even 3 really doesn't check out to me.
https://www.amazon.com/Gender-Creative-Child-Nurturing-Supporting/dp/1615193065
This sounds like my son at that age, who was also middle of the spectrum. the developmental pediatrician recommended Floortime for us, which is an approach that was developed by Stanley Greenspan (child psychiatrist) together with Serena Wieder (I think psychologist). Sadly, Dr. Greenspan has passed away. However, I found those books and materials helpful, and we also received some help from trained Floortime therapists in our area.
Here is a youtube video of Dr. Greenspan helping a family: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vApghedypFc. That same channel has a whole bunch of videos: https://www.youtube.com/user/greenspanfloortime/videos
Here are some things you can check out in that direction, if you are interested:
In addition, this book here changed my life in terms of altering my outlook and helping me think more positively -- the authors are parents and doctors, and the mom-doctor is a neurologist, in fact -- there are some concrete helps in here -- a lot of the material is better for when your kid is older, maybe, because a lot of it is about helping them at school, but it helped me to shift my focus in a more positive direction, and just gave me a good framework for understanding things: https://www.amazon.com/Mislabeled-Child-Solutions-Childrens-Challenges/dp/1401308996/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1505513398&sr=1-1&keywords=the+mislabled+child
Finally, I recommend this book, which can help you understand the sensory issues: https://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Recognizing-Processing/dp/0399531653/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1505513523&sr=1-1&keywords=the+out+of+sync+child.
And then get this one: https://www.amazon.com/Out-Sync-Child-Has-Revised/dp/0399532714/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=7NP2KCQY50ZRWTC9JQA0, which will help you design activities around the sensory issues.
I stopped here because I didn't want to overwhelm you, but let me know if you want more recommendations, more info, or more shared experience. happy to help, just let me know. feel free to pm me also. my kid is now 10.
Came across a few new adoption related resources that have giving me new insight into adoption. One is this video (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wBraT8F4mQ0) that I came across on Youtube. I like the way she relates her perspective on being a birthmom. The other is this book: (http://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Things-Adopted-Adoptive-Parents/dp/044050838X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1372780867&sr=8-1&keywords=twenty+things+adopted+kids+wish+their+adoptive+parents+knew) which really opened my eyes.
My adoptive couple turned my request for more contact down but with John 11 now I'm hopeful that I won't have to wait too much longer before he initiates from his end. At least I can email the couple directly.
I will check it out. I'm into child development.
It still may be helpful up to about that age according to Hart and Risley's study. In an attempt to level the academic playing field for children from different socioeconomic levels, they discovered that parents from higher SES talk more, praise more, and have more "conversations" with their children 9 mo-3 years to the point that children on the lower end heard 30,000,000 less words (not different words. Just word utterances) by the age of 3, and are never able to recover academically. Check out Thirty Million Words by Dana Suskind.
My theory is if I say twice as much to her by saying things in German and English, then she hears twice as many words, and I get speaking practice. Win win. If she never speaks it, well, shit happens. She probably won't do a lot of things that would be super cool. I'll keep her anyway. There's a hell of an exchange policy on babies.
And I have family in Germany and I intend to hit up some German meet ups, hopefully make friends. So there's that.
Our is too young to start just yet but I've used this book with a lot of kids I babysat back in the day. It's great and has a lot of really good information and a ton of useful signs. I plan on using it in a few months when ours is ready.
Yes, I think all the information you discuss would be helpful. Adequate maternal leave seems like a minimal response. Requiring some online education seems a more comprehensive remedy. In particular, every new parent should watch The still face experiment. Also, the book Ghosts from the Nursery: Tracing the Roots of Violence does address the role of paternal involvement
He may even out soon. Between a solid schedule, a stable home environment, and good old growing up, he may chill out sooner than you think. The threes are a tough age. But (in my experience) the fours are better. My son, now 4.5, is like a completely different kid from when he was 3. With the exception of yesterday, when he was an ass all day, he's an even tempered, low maintenance, chill kid. He's maturing, and it shows.
How did we deal in the meantime? This amazing book. It's a short, quick read, and it really helped my husband and I understand our son as well as help care for him, through the highs and lows.
Engaging Autism is fantastic. Even if your school doesn't use a floortime approach, it's still extremely helpful in providing strategies. https://www.amazon.com/Engaging-Autism-Floortime-Approach-Communicate/dp/0738210943
I would shift our frame of thought from "disrespect" to "a six year old has some emotions but lacks the tools to properly express them." Something is making him angry, we don't know what it is, he doesn't know how to tell us, so we have to find out. A book that gave me some good insight into how to find out is No-Drama Discipline.
>Make good choices.
Well, what are those? If you see mom and dad yell at each other often enough, you might not really know what a good choice is (not to mention the dissonance of watching two adults yell and then being told "if you don't have anything nice to say..."). It's too big and vague of guidance, and not one a 6 year old can really parse and enact. My point is that broadsides like this are in-actionable, and you have to provide specific, targeted feedback. Praise your son when he does something specifically positive, and tell him why it was positive.
I also have a feeling you and your wife could use some couples counseling, just to find ways to more effectively handle disagreements without yelling.
Is she three and a half? That's when they usually go crazy. This book helps understand where they are developmentally. In short, though, 3.5 is a wild ride, so do what you can to get through it and remind yourself every day that it will be over soon. It's usually a lot better by age 4. Remember that even though she sounds really grown up, she's mostly still a toddler with undeveloped self control and big feelings that she doesn't know what to do with. The more you are able to remain calm and regulated (which is tough in the middle of a megatantrum), the easier it will be for her to calm herself.
You aren't doing anything to cause her to go crazy, nothing is wrong with her, it's hard, and it will pass.
Oh, also, on the practical side, do whatever you can to make sure she's getting enough protein and sleep. That seemed to help my kiddo to avoid the meltdowns a little.
> I trust you. I know you're the best person to make this choice.
This is so great and important. I recently finished reading (listening) to a book published this year called The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives, by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson. (Amazon link to book) I believe they would say that you are doing right by your daughter. The book is mostly geared toward parents of children in upper elementary school through high school and early college age, but as the father of a 5-year-old boy, I am glad to have read it. I’d call it recommended reading for any parent.
(FWIW, I listened to it through my local library via the Libby app on my iPhone. Didn’t cost me a thing.)
So, I don't think we can be more on opposite ends of this statement: "The idea of learning is at heart stupid." Learning is sticky. It's how we acquire true knowledge. See Frank Smith's [The Book of Learning and Forgetting] (http://amzn.to/1UvMWjj) for more on that.
I like to suggest this one:
Thirty Million Words: Building a Child's Brain
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0525954872/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
> The research is in: Academic achievement begins on the first day of life with the first word said by a cooing mother just after delivery. A study by researchers Betty Hart and Todd Risley in 1995 found that some children heard thirty million fewer words by their fourth birthdays than others. The children who heard more words were better prepared when they entered school. These same kids, when followed into third grade, had bigger vocabularies, were stronger readers, and got higher test scores. This disparity in learning is referred to as the achievement gap.
It's something a little different, and super interesting, even if you weren't having kids.
One of the reviews reads as follows:
> As an obstetrician, it has always struck me that while expecting parents spend an inordinate amount of time “preparing” for birth, they spend relatively little time once the baby has arrived learning how they can help their child achieve his or her full potential. So for every parent who has a dog eared copy of What to Expect” I say, forget “What to Expect” (It never goes as planned anyway) and instead focus on “What to do” once the baby arrives. And there is no more important book than Dr. Suskind’s book which is a true “how to” have a child that can reach his or her full potential. Not only is this book brilliant, but also it is simply fascinating to read. The style is academic yet approachable, deep yet conversational, and there is an “Ah ha” moment on virtually every page. This is a book that every parent, every grandparent, every childcare provider, every pediatrician, every educator and yes, every obstetrician should read.
and I very much agree!
I highly highly highly recommend this book: https://www.amazon.com/Twenty-Things-Adopted-Adoptive-Parents/dp/044050838X/ref=sr_1_1?crid=E365238909FC&keywords=20+things+adopted+kids+wish+their+adoptive+parents+knew&qid=1565969719&s=gateway&sprefix=20+thing%2Caps%2C164&sr=8-1
I wish I would have read it earlier, we told our daughter (adopted at birth) that she was adopted at age 7 and that was too late. She is doing fine now but early is better.
Sit spots are an incredible exercise. Enjoy!
You also may want to read Richard Louv's The Last Child in the Woods together. Another one is Fritjof Capra's The Systems View of Life which is less psych and more just about systems thinking and encompasses concepts that are directly and indirectly related.
I've been enjoying Your Pregnancy Week by Week, but I'm told the Mayo Clinic book is even better. The Girlfriend's Guide to Pregnancy is overly cutesy and silly, but kinda fun.
I like The Happiest Baby series for parenting. Also, I read Becoming the Parent You Want to Be.
Emotional Development And Emotional Intelligence: Educational Implications
Your Child's Growing Mind: Brain Development and Learning From Birth to Adolescence
The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness: Five Steps to Help Kids Create and Sustain Lifelong Joy
The Neurobehavioral and Social-Emotional Development of Infants and Children
The Magic Years: Understanding and Handling the Problems of Early Childhood
I agree with a lot of your article, but you're making a huge intuitive leap from "there's danger in not being able to adequately decode another's expression of emotion" to "we're hard-wired to be hostile." There's actually ample evidence that we're hard-wired to be just the opposite: cooperative, accommodating, and generally kind to one another.
Here's an article published recently on the subject. And if you ever have time, pick up a copy of Sarah Hrdy's Mothers and Others: The Evolutionary Origins of Mutual Understanding -- it's the best book I've read in years, and it explores these concepts in incredible depth and breadth.
There is just one series of parenting books I recommend, because they're not so much about parenting as they are about child development. When I read them it was very comforting to think, "Oh, so that's normal for this age!
You may like them.
https://www.amazon.com/Your-Two-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506387/ref=pd_sim_14_8?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0440506387&pd_rd_r=201WGNB7J8T4RK2TAWKP&pd_rd_w=Mrb9z&pd_rd_wg=W5erZ&psc=1&refRID=201WGNB7J8T4RK2TAWKP
It also matters how you read and how you model the interaction of reading, and more importantly, model conversational patterns.
Check out the book "30 Million Words", which has a lot of (imo) really helpful information on the topic.
This is such a great question! One that we have been trying to answer for as long as people have had thought. For a very long time we had a set of traits and behaviours that we thought were unique to humans, that set us apart and above from all the other animals. This list is getting smaller and contains more caveats as time goes on. It wasn't long ago that we thought humans were the only tool makers, only to be shown that tool making & modification is pretty pervasive throughout the animal kingdom.
There are three things that set us apart from other animals and that are truly unique to our species (in so far as we understand today):
Language isn't completely unique to us. Many aspects of complex language thought once to be only found in humans have been described in animal communication. For example, there are a growing number of species known to us that make specific calls for specific situations. Some monkeys will make a specific call for a land predator like a jaguar vs. a sky predator like a hawk. Some species have even demonstrated rudimentary syntax. Finally, calls are also used to convey complex states or ideas - for example some species are able to use their calls to deceive (which is a very advanced cognitive ability in of itself). They make a warning call to distract the group while they sneak off and get some tasty piece of food that they otherwise would have had to compete for. We are really only beginning to scratch the surface of animal communication and the more we discover the more we realize just how complex their communication systems can be. It can't be denied that other species lack a certain "something" that we seem to have. They aren't able to communicate quite like us, but to say that animals lack language outright is to do a disservice to the complexity of language that they do have.
Cooperation is seen throughout the animal kingdom in abundance. Animals cooperate all the time, especially social animals like primates. In fact there are some species that are so reliant on cooperation that they can't survive or breed without it. These animals are called cooperative breeders. Species like naked mole rats, meerkats, bees, and callitrichid monkeys require the aid of others to help raise their offspring. Other individuals in the group will forgo their own breeding to insure the survival of the dominant pair's offspring. A great novel on this subject is called Mothers and Others. There are many great experiments that require the cooperation of two individuals to solve, these have been successfully completed by many different species of monkeys and apes as well as non-primate species like elephants. In addition many species hunt in groups that requires significant cooperation and coordination. A lone wolf isn't going to take down a great big bison, they need to cooperate in order to take down their next prey. But again, there is something that is unique about the way humans cooperate, and this is more accurately referred to as shared intentionality*.* Humans can visualize a common goal and cooperatively work towards that goal. "Shared intentionality, sometimes called ‘we’ intentionality, refers to collaborative interactions in which participants share psychological states with one another...For example, in problem- solving activities participants may have a shared goal and shared action plans for pursuing that goal, and in communication they may simply share experience with one another linguistically. The big Vygotskian idea is that what makes human cognition different is not more individual brainpower, but rather the ability of humans to learn through other persons and their artifacts, and to collaborate with others in collective activities (Tomasello, 1999; Tomasello, Carpenter, Call, Behne & Moll, 2005a; Tomasello, Kruger & Ratner, 1993)." Its a step up from the classical cooperation we see in animals. Its the reason why 150 human strangers can get on a plane and cooperate and why 150 animals that were strangers could not.
Finally, the last trait that is unique to humans (although newer research may be demonstrating this in some primate species) is cumulative culture*.* Humans have the unique ability to not only share psychological states we have the ability to store intergenerational information and share that information quickly and efficiently with others. This information can be rapidly dispersed through a group (or between groups) and is quickly passed on from one generation to another. Now, we know that animals share all sorts of information and that individuals do learn from each other. For example, a single female Japanese Macaque decide to start washing her potatoes in the sea. Within a vert short period of time nearly everyone, but especially the young individuals, were washing their potatoes too. Over successive generations different washing techniques have been added in, and even different foods are washed. But its a great example of a single individual introducing a new behaviour to a group which suddenly spreads amongst all its individuals. Its a great example of animals having a distinct culture. But humans just take this to the next level. Where it takes years or even decades for a chimpanzee to master the use tools requires to get termites out of a termite mound it would take humans seconds. Moreover, most animals can only learn these complex behaviour if they are taught or observe these behaviours while they are young. Adult humans are much better at picking up new traits, behaviours, and skills as compared to other adult animals. We simply are faster at sharing and absorbing information and this has led to our unique trait of cumulative culture.
The actual physiological mechanisms that allow these things to happen are unknown. We don't know how or why we evolved these traits. No genes have been identified. We don't even have a clear idea when these traits evolved within our own species. All we know is that we seem to have them and they do not, which is why we have gone to the moon, have complex maths, and galaxy print jeggings and they do not.
Two: Terrible or Tender, describes a cycle between sweetness and fussy independence. The book is older, and so beautifully written. There is a lot of practical advice for this age.
I don’t know if that’s encouraging or not! We are venturing into the same territory.
https://www.amazon.com/Your-Two-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506387
Hi pavs. More for parents than uncles, probably -- but you can't go wrong with Jane Healy's classic Your Child's Growing Mind: Brain Development and Learning from Birth through Adolescence.
If you want something a bit less scientific -- though I doubt that you do -- there's a book out there specifically on being an uncle... I think it's called The Uncle Book.
This book was helpful An Early Start for Your Child with Autism: Using Everyday Activities to Help Kids Connect, Communicate, and Learn https://www.amazon.ca/dp/160918470X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_tNGUCb7QDSC09
We have Your Baby and Child by Penelope Leach and Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by Davis and Keyser. I've found those both to be helpful books in numerous situations. My wife also had me read the "For Dads" section in What to Expect... and I thought it was worth a read to prep me for what was to come.
http://www.amazon.com/No-Drama-Discipline-Whole-Brain-Nurture-Developing/dp/0345548043
This books is great in explaining neurological development of children and how best to nurture and guide them towards making good choices.
Not a group, but some helpful reading (a great kid’s book and one for adults though I haven’t finished all of the latter). The kid’s one really helped my son articulate how he felt (sometimes boy, sometimes girl, sometimes boy who loves dresses).
I’ve got a child in the same situation. I’m just 100% supportive of his gender play in public and private. I must be too intimidating to mess with about it, because I’ve never gotten anything to my face. I’d like to see them try. I heard someone snark behind my back to one of my friends about it. She stood up for us too, bless. They want to go after my kid, they’ll have to get through me first.
Good on her for sticking up for her child. She needs a mama bear club! You or she are welcome to PM me anytime.
I got this book Baby Sign Language Basics: Early Communication for Hearing Babies and Toddlers, New & Expanded Edition which explains some benefits and techniques for teaching baby sign language.
I am also an early childhood educator and use sign language in my classroom. It really can make a difference in behavior and communication between children. I use a website called http://lifeprint.com which has video lessons to help you learn ASL.
I've heard really good things about Louise Bates Ames' series of books such as Your Two-Year-Old: Terrible or Tender. They cover each year (a book per year) for younger kids and then cover a few years per book for older kids/teens.
Contrast this with the ideas of Bruno Bettelheim as suggested in The Uses of Enchantment, where it is implied that the superficially good intention of totally shielding children from such distresses that are common in life lead to escapism, which is ultimately harmful for the healthy psychological development of children.
It's not your job to get him to do his homework. And if it IS your job to get him to do homework, that's even worse.
Talk to his parents. Maybe recommend this:
https://www.amazon.com/Self-Driven-Child-Science-Giving-Control/dp/0735222517/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=
You might find the book Masterminds and Wingmen by Wiseman helpful, for explaining the behavior and giving ways to help him deal with it.
https://smile.amazon.com/Masterminds-Wingmen-Schoolyard-Locker-Room-Girlfriends/dp/0307986683/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1486150730&sr=8-1
Here were two incredibly two influential books in my upbringing. "Raising a Son, Parents and Making a Healthy Man" as well as "Raising a Daughter Parents and the Awakening of a Healthy Woman." Both books were written by Don and Jean Elium.
This was originally a blog post I helped write which can be found here.
> The only inherent difference between the conscious worldview of a 10-year-old and 30-year-old is one of experience. Deprive one of experience and he will have a child mind regardless of age.
Sure, except you're wrong. Different mental functions develop at different times. Self-control, for example, is partly learned, but part of it depends on neurological structures that don't develop until a particular age. Pre-adolescent and adolescent brains are ill equipped to engage in some kinds of cognition. For a popular account of this that people seem to like, see Your Child's Growing Mind.
> Take a tribesman into the city and he will wander into the street too. He will learn however the concepts of street, car, and the potential danger. Same with a young person with no experience.
There is good evidence that young people have trouble understanding risk. An adult with no experience in the modern world will be cautious, and having learned what is dangerous, will avoid it. A child may not be able to form an adequate concept of danger in the first place. Even if you've discussed the dangers and you think they understand it, all it takes is a ball rolling into the street and a lapse of impulse control. Sometimes a hard rule works better than understanding when the capacity for understanding is limited; ideally you have both.
A big problem with your point of view is that it's very much at odds with what we know about developmental psychology. Now, of course psychologists have been wrong about many things in the past, and they are certainly wrong about many things today — that's in the very nature of what they do. But what you offer to contradict them is not evidence but fantasy. You ask for the opportunity to collect the evidence, but that's a tall order given the current evidence and what it suggests the effects would likely be.
My best advice would be not to listen to a blog. They are well meaning, but most kids are like snowflakes.... vomiting, crap spewing snowflakes that put crayons in your dishwasher....
Just take every day slowly, and don't start to hide at work to get away from problems at home.
Dad books generally suck, these two suck less:
Raising a Son
Raising a Daughter
Have I got a book for you.
Do you think people should homeschool ADHD kids? Or should people try another alternative form of education? Is private school the answer? I went to public school and can say that I have had my problems. The school system is not set up for independently minded boys with ADHD, I'll tell you that much. I do wonder what social effect home schooling or private school has on people's lives.
I personally think it would be fantastic if there was an outdoor school specifically designed for ADHD kids. When I was reading Last Child In the Woods I really connected with some of the ideas and research that has been conducted in this area. The fact that children with ADHD do so much better academically when given the opportunity to be in the woods during the day made complete sense to me. I think having a school in the woods where kids can have constructive outdoor time, while also having free-time outdoors and then have a good staff of teachers would work wonders for children today whether or not they are diagnosed with ADHD.
I may have to start one some day... Whenever I feel motivated ;)
I am right there with you. I'm not at stage seven yet (my practice is around 4-6 depending on the day), but I've seen tremendous improvement in my life and overall sense of well being since I started practicing TMI....with one notable exception: I still find myself reacting to my kids with anger on a regular basis. The battle is real.
I recently came across Dan Siegal's "No Drama Discipline" and it has helped a lot. It's especially relevant in that its a brain-based approach to discipline/behavior change that emphasizes cultivating mindfulness and training ourselves to become more aware of our desire to react and instead choose to mindfully respond to the situation.
https://www.amazon.com/No-Drama-Discipline-Whole-Brain-Nurture-Developing/dp/0345548043/ref=sr_1_1?crid=KKYG61SCQQAH&keywords=no+drama+discipline+book&qid=1556201278&s=gateway&sprefix=no+drama+%2Caps%2C131&sr=8-1
Not teaching specific, but I found Masterminds and Wingmen to be quite informative.
wildcard_, Thanks for your comment; it gives me another chance to try condensing the large and varied data on the subject into a short response -- not an easy task, but one I keep working on. For starters, two links: the first two columns of a 5-part series, both of which include discussion of this topic: Part 1: Civil Society Requires Non-Aggression - and one thing more and Part 2: How the Idea of Civil Society was Destroyed
Now a short list of reasons why emotional health is, indeed, crucial to the functioning and protection of a free society:
The links and references above only scratch the surface.