(Part 3) Top products from r/IncelTears

Some basic recommendations:

https://www.amazon.com/Definitive-Book-Body-Language-Expressions/dp/0553804723/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&linkCode=ll1&linkId=bd2c9af18031113249e398f82105631e&tag=mysoccom-20

Understanding body language is extremely important. Being able to read other people will give you a tremendous advantage in communication. It can also help you to police your own body language so you're not doing stuff that puts people off, and also so that you communicate in ways that makes them feel comfortable.

As for direct communication... Honestly, I learned most of that from a very good teacher of speech (as in, giving speeches) and from a friend who is quite ugly but does extremely well with women. Self-perception is a lot more important than people think. How you perceive yourself translates into you how present yourself. That takes more work, of course, but knowing this is a good place to start with that.

I also got a great deal from a book on emotional intelligence, but I can't remember what it was called and it was a library loan, so I don't even have it on my bookself to look it up. But I'd say look for books on that topic, as well. I did a quick look and found this one is highly recommended:

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0974320625/ref=sspa_dk_detail_1?psc=1

As for websites, there's a lot out there. I'd just Google and see what strikes your fancy.

Good luck with it. In my personal estimation, the body language was the single most helpful thing I've studied. I use it constantly now, and it's just second nature to "read" people.

For a good intro from the very basics in video format check this out

The guy that runs the channel has a website where you can get more info and study materials if you want as well. He is more on the reformed side and not conversion focused, rather education focused so it's a good starting place.

In book form there are these two which are excellent starting points:

Introduction to the Talmud and Midrash

Everyman's Talmud: The Major Teachings of the Rabbinic Sages

However as you go through this journey you will run into a lot of Judaic concepts, words and meanings. The best place to get the core canonized understandings of these IMO is Chabad’s Q&A section.
One thing to keep in mind when accessing info from Chabad is that they are very conversion focused and very conservative. Telling someone to learn about Judaism from Chabad is like telling someone to go talk to the Vatican to learn about Christianity, keep that in mind.

Once you get comfortable with the basics and core concepts I wholeheartedly encourage you to explore other expressions of Judaism as in addition to Hasidics (Chabad, etc…), there are conservatives (think Ben Shapiro) and reformed Judaism with there own interpretations. Then there is messianic Vs. non messianic schools so enough rabbit holes for a few lifetimes 😊

>no one tried to tell my that my thinking is wrong

It's a difficult task, because the way our brains work makes personal experience supersede external information that contradict it, even when scientifically, objectively, our experience is... not "wrong" per se, but so incomplete that it veers into "wrong" teritory. I teach people how to get along with people, which is mainly applied psichology and neurology (specifically social neurology), so I come against this feature (it's not a bug, it's a feature) every time. For reference: Daniel Kahnemann's work. For reference: Chris Niebauer's book.

Your brain dupes you (it meakes you wrong, giving you the impression you're right) in several key areas relevant to our discussion here:

1. What You See Is All There Is: our brains operate on the assupmtion they have all the info needed to make good decisions and reach true conclusions, neglecting that there are swathes of information that might be / are relevant and that finally change the outlook completely.
   
2. Our Left-Brain Intepreter has the task to keep the story in our heads logically consistent, not correct. As such, it will gladly add to reality, or substract from it, only to keep the story. Please see this and this.
   
3. To accomplish this task, the LBI resorts to cognitive biases like overgeneralization, personalization, confirmation bias etc.
   
4. Its work is so powerful and so well hidden from conscience that most people, when confronted with science, will readily deny science ("well, that might be true but not for me") than accepting our thinking might be flawed.
   
   In your case, in order to examine what biases are in play and what is their result, I'd start questioning the hidden meaning of your use of notions like "chad", "betabux" and such. It speaks to overgeneralization (with a heavy serving of dehumanization) and confirmation bias.
   
   Humans are unique. There are, of course, trends (sociology doesn't exist for nothing) but so far no human being looks and act exactly like another human being always and in all aspects; more, humans change over time: experience, opinions, world views and behavior shift as time passes. That would be the first step I'd take if I were you: stop working with archetypes and start looking for tiny differences. The world will get extremely rich if you do that.
   
   TL;DR: you're wrong, but your brains won't let you see that and you have to voluntarily challenge it to improve your life quality.
   
   Edited to add: and I didn't even touch the issue of cultural and social norms and conditioning, learned helplesness and many other phenomena that interfere and change all the stuff above.

Women are not a monolith. Are you attracted to the same qualities in people as everyone else? Nope. Are there women out there who go for those kind of guys. Yeah. Are there women out there who would be turned off by that kind of behavior? Yep. You seem to already know why you are using these ridiculous tactics, and it's not because you think they work. It's because you don't feel valuable enough to "deserve" attention and you need to pretend to be something you're not. I promise you there are people out there who will enjoy you for you. Aside from therapy, I recommend this. Best of luck.

There are logical arguments, but I don't have time or inclination to write them here. You might want to read some moral philosophy, or take a class. This is a pretty good overview.
https://www.amazon.com/Ethics-Pluralistic-Approach-Moral-Theory/dp/0495006742/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
I think his section on virtue ethics is a little weak, but that is my area.

Check out this book. I had a similar experience with the mental health system, a friend recommended this book, and it put me on the track to recovery. There are copies floating around the internet as well.

Allow me to clarify on my first point: There are no behavioural differences between men and women that cannot be explained by nurture.

I'd direct you towards Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine:
https://www.amazon.com/Delusions-Gender-Society-Neurosexism-Difference/dp/0393340244

When I was far younger, I was convince by books like The Male Brain, The Female Brain, Why Gender Matters, Boys Adrift, and Girls on the Edge that sex played an enormous role in behavior and function. I am now very skeptical of that notion. You linked three articles within your earlier post; I read the meta-analysis and the abstracts of the other two and agreed with their findings for the most part: There are substantive physical differences between a male and a female brain. However, this proves little towards behavior. Two brains can have different structure yet function at the same level, accomplish the same goal.

My argument is: Just because a male and female brain have different structure, it does not follow that their functionality is different. That leads to the dangerous psuedoscientific thought that men and women must be better at different things, and thus maintain different spheres, so on and so on. It's the sort of justification scientifically backed sexism uses.

If you want to actually prove to me that the differing structure of male and female brains is a significant cause of behavioral differences, you'll have to do a bit more digging. I would posit that the reason men and women bear behavioral differences is because of the differences in their bodies, which have led to different treatment and power dynamics throughout history.

When the sex-equals-brain-function argument really gets me going is when it starts to suggest that men aren't capable of empathy, or women aren't capable of complex problem solving. That's patently untrue, and it dehumanizes each.

ha! Tanith Lee wrote a sci-fi novel on this very subject, "The Silver Metal Lover," in 1981. It's now a trilogy.

You can read the intro to this book on the Amazon page, and it's even better than I thought. The very first paragraph talks about smelling women at the grocery store. Hoo boy.

I really recommend the annotated version

Quite a relevant article - https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/a-conversation-with-the-woman-who-studies-evangelical-male-virgins

Consider Purity Culture leaking into the mainstream. This was Victorianism turned up to 11... also consider the pattern-matching done by the autistic brain.

Add all the really sex-neg stuff through the Purity Culture stuff.. I counteracted with What Wives Wish their Husbands Knew about Sex: A Guide for Christian Men - https://www.amazon.com/What-Wives-their-Husbands-about/dp/080106774X - which is systematic theology and advice built atop Song of Songs.

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Add the Scott Aaronson stuff...

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https://www.amazon.com/Marriage-Equals-Successful-Ventures-Well-Educated/dp/1457509067

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

they were starving to death because there was no food, no water, no buildings, and no society.

https://www.amazon.com/Savage-Continent-Europe-Aftermath-World/dp/125003356X

Have you ever tried...?

1. DBT therapy. This is very different from CBT which is talk therapy. I found DBT to be far more helpful (for me) than CBT.
   
   
2. TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) It's a painless new treatment and uses magnets to stimulate your brain. It's being used to treat TRD (treatment-resistant depression), anxiety, autism, PTSD, pain, addictions, etc. I did it and it actually helped quite a bit. The only problem is that it can wear off after a year or so, so it may have to be repeated in some patients. A man named John Elder Robison, that has Asperger's, wrote a book called 'Switched On: A Memoir of Brain Change and Emotional Awakening' about how TMS "cured" his autism. If you have more questions about it, I'm here for you.
   
   
3. MST (magnetic seizure therapy) is a brand new treatment and it's like a new version of ECT but it magnets instead of electricity so it doesn't have the minor memory loss that ECT can have. It's used for treatment-resistant depression (TRD). It was just on '60 Minutes' two weeks ago. MST is very new, even newer than TMS, so it might be hard to find a location near you at this time but they're always adding new facilities.
   
   
4. ECT (electroconvulsive therapy) this is still the last course treatment for TRD and suicidal thoughts but it's gotten dramatically better since the 80s and even 90s. Now they completely knock you out, use very low levels of electricity, and give the patient a full body muscle relaxer so it doesn't cause your body to seizure. The only real side effect is minor memory loss surrounding the day before treatment or so, but memory loss for a day seems minor compared to wanting to kill yourself.
   
   
5. Countless trials for new drugs are always happening around the world. Have you participated in any trials?
   
   
6. Ayahuasca or Ibogaine
   
   
7. Micro-dosing of numerous drugs like LSD or psilocybin. There are ways you can micro-dose without buying an illegal drug off the street. Check out /r/Microdosing to learn more.
   
   Have you tried all of those? If not, don't say you've tried everything and please, don't give up. I'm here for you if you want to talk.
   
   Here are some links about TMS, if you're interested...
   
   

• Wikipedia: Transcranial magnetic stimulation
  
  
• Transcranial Magnetic Stimluation
  
  
• Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation: Find TMS Therapy Providers
  
  
• NeuroStar: About NeuroStar TMS Therapy
  
  
• NeuroStar: Physician Locator
  
  
• Mayo Clinic: Transcranial magnetic stimulation
  
  
• National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH): Brain Stimulation Therapies (scroll down to Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation)
  
  
• NeuroStar: About NeuroStar TMS Therapy
  
  
• Healthline: Repetitive Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation
  
  
• Hopkins Medicine: Frequently Asked Questions About TMS
  
  
• Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA): Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS)
  
  
• Science Direct: Evidence-based guidelines on the therapeutic use of repetitive transcranial magnetic stimulation (rTMS)
  
  
• Medscape: TMS for Resistant Depression: Long-term Results Are In
  
  
• Harvard Gazette: New treatment for depression shows immediate results
  
  
• American Psychology Association (APA): Can magnets cure depression?
  
  
• Scientific American: Attractive Therapy: Magnetic Brain Stimulation Gaining Favor as Treatment for Depression
  
  
• UCLA Newsroom: UCLA doctors use magnetic stimulation to ‘rewire’ the brain for people with depression
  
  
• NCBI Pub Med Study: Transcranial magnetic stimulation for the treatment of depression
  
  
  TMS with autism
  
  
• NPR: Electric Currents And An 'Emotional Awakening' For One Man With Autism
  
  
• Medscape: Repetitive TMS May Help Core Features of Autism
  
  
• Spectrum News: Magnetic promise: Can brain stimulation treat autism?
  
  
• Clearly Present: TMS for Autism
  
  
• NCBI Study: Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) in a 15 year old patient with autism and co-morbid depression
  
  
• NCBI Study: Use of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation in Autism Spectrum Disorders
  
  
  
  Videos About TMS
  
  
• The Doctors TV: Man Who Lost Legs to Heroin Returns with New Mission This is a MUST watch video! This guy lost his legs to heroin, was suicidal and had PTSD, was on all sorts of pain medications, and was able to completely change his life, stop his pain, and get off all his pain medications after TMS treatment.
  
  
• The Doctors TV: Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation for Depression
  
  
• YouTube: Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS): What is it and how does it work?
  
  'Switched On' Related Links
  
  
• The Cut: What It’s Like to ‘Wake Up’ From Autism After Magnetic Stimulation
  
  
• News.com.AU: An experimental autism treatment changed my life
  
  
• NY Times: Review: In ‘Switched On,’ John Elder Robison’s Asperger’s Brain Is Changed
  
  
• WBUR.org: Getting Emotions 'Switched On' After Decades Of Asperger’s