(Part 3) Top products from r/NoFapChristians

> How would you suggest I go about striving to live a Christ-like life while at the same time remembering that my salvation is through grace?

How would you suggest I go about striving to live a Christ-like life while at the same time remembering that my salvation is through grace?

Trying to earn God's love is THE problem. EVERY Christian I have ever known has had to struggle with this, and I do everyday. It was the problem of the pharisees, and according to Spurgeon, popery. Christianity is all about the heart. As your heart has already been changed and is sensitive to the things of God thus your desire to be Christ-like and Christ pleasing the following is for you. For those who are not in a saving relationship with Jesus, the following will not apply.

There is a Martin Luther quote that I can't find right now (ugh!) that goes something like this: "What makes us so arrogant as to think there is something we can do to add to the sufficiency of the blood of God's own Son!"

There are a few different fronts to the war. One is that you have to get a working definition of what Christian freedom means, and specifically what it means to you and what it looks like in your life. Hint: Do you have the freedom to sin and still be loved? Does God’s grace cover first degree, premeditated sin, or not?

I firmly believe until one understands grace and forgiveness in the forensic (law language) sense, you can’t get a whole lot better. It’s the doctrines of freedom that become the places you can stand when it gets dark. Dark, like when you have blown it so bad that you begin to doubt your salvation.This, as an aside, is an excellent reason to get baptized. It gives us another place to stand.

I find that if we obsess about our sin we sin more. If we obsess about Jesus and His UNCONDITIONAL love for us we may or may not get better... but we will find out getting better wasn’t the point... EVER. Being His is the point.

Front Two: I suggest studying your identity in Christ. These guys are really good at this

https://www.ficm.org/

“Victory over the Darkness” is from them and is very helpful in obtaining freedom from all sorts of spiritual bondage, but for me it is only part of the equation. It gave me some of the the keys to understanding myself and even my relationship with God, but it didn’t explain God as well as I needed. Some, probably most of my issues with trying to earn God’s love are rooted in the conditional nature of the love I received from my dad growing up. I came from a fairly dysfunctional background. Therefore, the ideas and concepts I projected on God were from my relationship with my dad and it messed up my relationship with my Heavenly Father.

I found this book to give me great insights into who God really is. Check it out and tell me what you think.
(In case the embedded link is inop.
http://www.amazon.com/Delighting-Trinity-Introduction-Christian-Faith/dp/0830839836)

Front Three: For me is learning to recognize and accept God’s love.

http://en.allexperts.com/q/Christianity-Christian-Living-1401/accept-Gods-love.htm
The worksheet referenced in that article is available at https://www.ficm.org/ also under “free stuff”.

Once again, for me, I found that I really needed to understand love. I had to learn what love was, what it looked like, what being loved felt like... pretty much everything. I had walled off my emotional self so far, in an effort at self protection, that I was pretty much isolated. The isolation causes pain and numbing agents abound. Alcohol. porn, false persona(s) etc. Anything to keep me from having to spend time with myself as I fell into the trap of rejection made worse by self rejection. Enter another of my favorite quotes,

“I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn't resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing the saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.

After that I liked jazz music.

Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.

I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened.”
― Donald Miller
Blue Like Jazz: Nonreligious Thoughts on Christian Spirituality

I had to look at the cross and see God love me. I had to watch others love and affirm me, because I didn’t know how to love myself. I had to read about what a loving relationship with Jesus looks like (see Brennan Manning’s Abba’s Child and Ragamuffin Gospel, Henri Nouwen's Life of the Beloved).

I also had to find out what a man is supposed to be and be about. I’m sure you are familiar with John Eldredge. While Wild at Heart is a classic, his, Way of the Wild Heart really helped me and still does.

So, that’s it really. Run to Jesus! Get loved, in real and meaningful ways and then take that into the world and just be who you are... a wounded healer. Your walk will be in freedom and you will be like Christ. In more ways than you can possibly imagine now. Your wounds even when healed will be a place of strength though now they are a weakness. Gee, I wonder where we heard that before? Oh, and don’t worry, when your story is one of recovery.. it keeps you humble.

Numbers 6:24-26
New King James Version (NKJV)
24 “The Lord bless you and keep you;
25 The Lord make His face shine upon you,
And be gracious to you;
26 The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace.”’


Blessings to you my Brother

So I'm going to be honest and straightforward with you because I think you can handle it and you sound exactly like me.
_
Ever since I saw my first video online I was instantly drawn to pornography. I realized quickly though that what I found interesting in my porn was not the same that most of my friends enjoyed. I came to the realization that many of my friends used porn as a pure sexual release and for them they didn't mind the fake and overproduced videos. The women on screen were merely a collection of body parts.

However, when I looked for porn I invariably enjoyed the types that at least attempted to portray that they were enjoying it. That it wasn't some bang fest but that it was two people that genuinely wanted to be filming together. However, even this started to feel lackluster and I didn't enjoy it. Through out this time though, these videos failed to capture my attention for more than a couple minutes at a time.

However, I found that when I got the chance I loved sitting and watching cam girls. These girls that are fully clothed and just talk and do normal things like play online games and chat the users in their forums. I found this enchanting. I began to realize I didn't like porn because it met a sexual need but I enjoyed porn because it met an emotional need.

The reason I liked cam girls and things that had a more intimate feeling was because it felt like they were really my girlfriend. It felt like they trusted me and wanted me to experience life with them. It was a way for me to feel like I wasn't alone.

This is just a dangerous of a decision as watching porn (if not more) because you are emotionally crippling yourself to be involved with a woman that does actually love you and does actually want to share intimately with you. You are hurting your future wife and future marriage.

Moving forward.

>Many of the motivations for quitting pornography don't even come close to applying to me. I can't count the number of posts I've read on /r/NoFap, and sometimes here, telling us we shouldn't watch P because it's an inaccurate representation of sexual relations, because of the horrible conditions the actresses operate under, because...

>I don't care. I didn't watch that stuff. Chalk it up to very specific tastes, if you like, but that had nothing to do with the crap that I viewed.

Newsflash! You have wrongly convinced yourself of this and have been lying to yourself for a long time. These are excuses to disregard bad behavior. I convinced myself of this too. There is not financial slavery or physical slavery happening here but that is far from something being enslaving. You and I are still taking advantage of these women! Don't delude yourself. You are stealing something from them that you have no right to. You don't get to chalk it up to being voluntary. These are human women who are hurting. (All people are wounded and are hurting. Some more than others.) They have a burning desire for validation as beautiful women just as you have a burning desire for validation as man. They are turning to the internet to provide them with some sort of happiness but the truth is those comment sections will ultimately only hurt them more than help them. They are as emotionally dependent of fleeting words of affirmation as you are on their false validation of your masculinity.
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The problem I see in your rationale is that you have decided that since your sin doesn't stink as bad as the next guy that you're for some reason ok. I believed this for a long time. The fact is sin is sin. Even if that girl was as emotionally stable as could be, you are still damaging yourself, damaging your wife, and damaging your relationship with God. You are turning to that girl to prove that you are a man. You are taking to her a wound that only God can heal. All she is going to do is scratch at it and keep it festering. It will grow worse and worse until you can no longer tell where the wound starts and you start.

WE MUST TURN TO GOD FOR OUR VALIDATION!

Only can Christ's act of Grace on the cross ever heal our wound. No matter how much money we have, how big our house is, or how many wives we have it will all fall short in trying to fulfill our sense of validation. Ecclesiastes 1:2 pretty much sums it up perfect. "Meaningless! Meaningless!" says the Teacher. "Utterly meaningless! Everything is meaningless." That is pretty much the truth. Anything you find on this earth will never compare to the true love and validation you will find in the Lord.
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Read below if nothing else.

My advice to you is to first truly dwell on your own wound as a man. A great book to read is Wild at Heart which discusses what a man's heart truly longs for. That is what you are describing here. You aren't longing for sex you're longing for validation. Figure out what it means to be a godly man! Read about Paul's life, read about Moses, read about David or Solomon. There are some incredible men in the Bible. None of them get it right all the time. Most of them screw up in huge ways but the life changing point is that these men do not turn to the world for their validation, they turn to God. When you finally find your masculinity through the Lord then an amazing woman will come your way, who knows she may be hiding right under your nose.

Prayers, lean on the Lord!

Read your Bible and pray daily. I know that might not sound cool or whatever, but it is a habit that you'll need for the rest of your life.

As far as being fed...a local church is vital to the Christian life. But also may big time preachers have either audio or video sermons online. For far too many reasons to list here, I would recommend conservative preachers. Check out David Jeremiah, Tony Evans, Charles Swindoll, John Piper, and Alistair Begg. Also if you do a search for Martin Lloyd Jones there is a trust with his sermons. Again, ain't no school like old school.

And please do yourself a favor and start reading C. S. Lewis. There is another book I like to recommend by Philip Keller it isn't very expensive and is amazing https://www.amazon.com/Shepherd-Trilogy-Looks-23rd-Psalm/dp/0551030704

If your are up to reading more challenging stuff work on Dietrich Bonhoeffer. The Cost of Discipleship is amazing

Happiness is completly dependent on circumstance. Joy isnt. You can be happy because your joyful but you can not be joyful because you are happy. Joy is very dependent on your obedience to God.

If you want to read a great book on joy despite your circumstance read tortured for Christ. https://www.amazon.com/Tortured-Christ-Richard-Wurmbrand/dp/0882643266/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1526686542&sr=8-1&keywords=tortured+for+christ

Hey man love the quote and i've been meaning to get my hands on the book! If you are interested, another book that goes into depth even more than that one (just guessing here) is Breaking Free: Understanding Sexual Addiction & the Healing Power of Jesus. I would highly recommend it. SOOOO accurate with all of it's insights! you'll be incredibly surprised how great it is! I mentioned it and my accountability group in this post. hope this helps! good luck brother!

Sure. I mean, instead of looking at the Big Bang, I'd direct your research to background radiation. There's some interesting books on cosmology you might tap into. <http://www.amazon.com/Microwave-Background-Radiation-Cambridge-Astrophysics/dp/0521358086> and <http://www.talkorigins.org/faqs/astronomy/bigbang.html#evidence> and then <http://www.amazon.com/Cycles-Time-Extraordinary-View-Universe/dp/0307278468/ref=asap_B000AQ045A_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1412890592&sr=1-3>. The last book goes even deeper with patterns found within background radiation, Penrose taking this data as evidence that another universe existed before ours. It's really fascinating. I wish I had time to read Penrose's Road to Reality and then this Cycles of Time.

Btw, i'm proud you have left this new-earth Christianity. Of course, you're welcome to believe whatever you want to, but I think we can have more mature discussions since we both appreciate evidence. And also, thank you for not getting defensive about the Big Bang and Evolution. It's really hard to have conversations with Christians about anything related to science! At least for me.

dude Rosary...every single day....seriously. I have done it for the last 19 days now. WOW what a difference in my life! Frequent the saracaments as much as you can. Adoration...my accountability partner has been doing it everyday now and he is blown away by it. you have a lot opportunity at seminary all the weapons you need. get into your bible. Keep that prayer life strong! as a layman believe me I'm praying for you. We need amazing priests! this is very good for the struggle :http://www.amazon.com/Clean-Heart-Overcoming-Habitual-against/dp/0977223450/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1418963134&sr=8-1&keywords=clean+of+heart most of all be brave and open to your spiritual director. From what i've been told. You are far from being alone there with PMO issues.

Not really on topic as far as this subreddit goes, but read this book!. It's reeeeally good and I think it will speak directly to your background. It's the first thing I thought of when I saw the title of your post. I follow the author and his podcast and he is an incredible resource for those who have been atheists. Or if you don't read the book just listen to him on The Liturgists :)

Understanding what we're dealing with really helps.

SO does the company of recovering addicts. Are there any SAA groups close by? I go to one, but it's a long drive, so I don't get there as often as I would like. But the Fellowship is good, and they meet in a church.

There's a great book I just read called "liturgy of the ordinary" hat I highly recommend.

https://www.amazon.com/Liturgy-Ordinary-Sacred-Practices-Everyday/dp/0830846239

Orthodox Study bible includes teachings from the church father's in the footnotes and explains the significance behind many biblical events (in particular does a great job of explaining and connecting OT and NT) .
Also has exactly what your looking for before each book explains author and context of the book.
https://www.amazon.com/Orthodox-Study-Bible-Hardcover-Christianity/dp/0718003594/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495418923&sr=8-1&keywords=orthodox+study+bible

Check out the wiki there are great resources in there.

Here is an example: http://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Men-sexual-success/dp/0884198812/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1387929160&sr=1-1&keywords=sex+men+and+god

That's really painful. I think many of us understand where you are. Many of us have been there, too.

I see that you know that there is a problem, and that you feel powerless. I encourage you not to stop there. There's no coincidence that these are the first two steps of addiction recovery. You haven't reached an end; you are, in fact, just beginning a journey of understanding and empowerment.

> Step 1: We admitted we were powerless over pornography–that our lives had become unmanageable.

It's just step 1. It's time to stop going about this blindly, without knowledge. It's time to learn about the disease which you suffer from and the treatments available. Until you understand your condition, you will not be able to sustain a healthy relationship. I was told the same thing when I was in your position and I resented the person who said it. But as soon as I began to pursue knowledge I understood that it was true.

Recommended reading:

• https://www.amazon.com/Sex-Addiction-101-Basic-Healing/dp/0757318436
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Facing-Shadow-3rd-Starting-Relationship/dp/0985063378
  
  These two books will help you understand, not only why you haven't been able to quit, but also the life which God desires for you, and the work you must do to achieve it.
  
  When I first confessed my problems to my former girlfriend, I went about it the same way. She was more lenient, more willing to work with me and understanding of the times when I failed, but the result was the same. Eventually, the ultimatum came; and I was just as powerless to stop as I ever was-- nothing had changed. She left.
  
  Now, after a year of learning and recovering, I am in a new relationship with the woman God was always leading me toward. He humbled me and guided me, teaching me through pain and loss, in order to lead me into new understanding. When I confessed my addiction to my girlfriend this time, I was able to explain to her what it meant; able to list the actions I was taking to heal; able to detail my plan for recovery; able to assure her that I was responsible, I was doing the work, and it was not her burden to bear. And because of this, we are both in full understanding, and this is the strongest relationship I have ever had (and, if she agrees, ever will have... such a commitment is not too far away).
  
  It gets better. But before it can get better, you must start seeking recovery and knowledge. Without that, you'll never go anywhere.

This book has changed many lives and including mine. It is my most recommended book.

The Practice of the Presence of God https://www.amazon.com/dp/0883681056/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_02RxybXGJGTY1

Act Like Men: 40 Days to Biblical Manhood
https://www.amazon.com/Act-Like-Men-Biblical-Manhood/dp/0802457193

http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-When-Take-Control-Your/dp/1480554979 This book was the wake up call when I realized I had crapy internal and external boundary setting skills.