(Part 3) Top products from r/RedPillWomen

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There's a wonderful text about that in the book about introverts... “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking”.

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https://www.amazon.es/Quiet-Power-Introverts-World-Talking/dp/0141029196/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536191453&sr=8-1&keywords=power+of+introverts


The problem with feminine strength is that it's gained with time and confidence. It's twice as hard to be strong and soft as it is to be strong and crass. Let me find this excerpt. It's a bit long, but I think it gets it.

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This is one I loved, I think it might help. It's about introverts, but can apply to your case (I think):


“My very first client was a young woman named Laura. She was a Wall Street lawyer, but a quiet and daydreamy one who dreaded the spotlight and disliked aggression. She had managed somehow to make it through the crucible of Harvard Law School—a place where classes are conducted in huge, gladiatorial amphitheaters, and where she once got so nervous that she threw up on the way to class. Now that she was in the real world, she wasn’t sure she could represent her clients as forcefully as they expected.

For the first three years on the job, Laura was so junior that she never had to test this premise. But one day the senior lawyer she’d been working with went on vacation, leaving her in charge of an important negotiation. The client was a South American manufacturing company that was about to default on a bank loan and hoped to renegotiate its terms; a syndicate of bankers that owned the endangered loan sat on the other side of the negotiating table.

Laura would have preferred to hide under said table, but she was accustomed to fighting such impulses. Gamely but nervously, she took her spot in the lead chair, flanked by her clients: general counsel on one side and senior financial officer on the other. These happened to be Laura’s favorite clients: gracious and soft-spoken, very different from the master-of-the-universe types her firm usually represented. In the past, Laura had taken the general counsel to a Yankees game and the financial officer shopping for a handbag for her sister. But now these cozy outings—just the kind of socializing Laura enjoyed—seemed a world away. Across the table sat nine disgruntled investment bankers in tailored suits and expensive shoes, accompanied by their lawyer, a square-jawed woman with a hearty manner. Clearly not the self-doubting type, this woman launched into an impressive speech on how Laura’s clients would be lucky simply to accept the bankers’ terms. It was, she said, a very magnanimous offer.

Everyone waited for Laura to reply, but she couldn’t think of anything to say. So she just sat there. Blinking. All eyes on her. Her clients shifting uneasily in their seats. Her thoughts running in a familiar loop: I’m too quiet for this kind of thing, too unassuming, too cerebral. She imagined the person who would be better equipped to save the day: someone bold, smooth, ready to pound the table. In middle school this person, unlike Laura, would have been called “outgoing,” the highest accolade her seventh-grade classmates knew, higher even than “pretty,” for a girl, or “athletic,” for a guy. Laura promised herself that she only had to make it through the day. Tomorrow she would go look for another career.

Then she remembered what I’d told her again and again: she was an introvert, and as such she had unique powers in negotiation—perhaps less obvious but no less formidable. She’d probably prepared more than everyone else. She had a quiet but firm speaking style. She rarely spoke without thinking. Being mild-mannered, she could take strong, even aggressive, positions while coming across as perfectly reasonable. And she tended to ask questions—lots of them—and actually listen to the answers, which, no matter what your personality, is crucial to strong negotiation.

So Laura finally started doing what came naturally.

“Let’s go back a step. What are your numbers based on?” she asked.

“What if we structured the loan this way, do you think it might work?”

“That way?”

“Some other way?”

At first her questions were tentative. She picked up steam as she went along, posing them more forcefully and making it clear that she’d done her homework and wouldn’t concede the facts. But she also stayed true to her own style, never raising her voice or losing her decorum. Every time the bankers made an assertion that seemed unbudgeable, Laura tried to be constructive. “Are you saying that’s the only way to go? What if we took a different approach?”

Eventually her simple queries shifted the mood in the room, just as the negotiation textbooks say they will. The bankers stopped speechifying and dominance-posing, activities for which Laura felt hopelessly ill-equipped, and they started having an actual conversation.

More discussion. Still no agreement. One of the bankers revved up again, throwing his papers down and storming out of the room. Laura ignored this display, mostly because she didn’t know what else to do. Later on someone told her that at that pivotal moment she’d played a good game of something called “negotiation jujitsu”; but she knew that she was just doing what you learn to do naturally as a quiet person in a loudmouth world.

Finally the two sides struck a deal. The bankers left the building, Laura’s favorite clients headed for the airport, and Laura went home, curled up with a book, and tried to forget the day’s tensions.

But the next morning, the lead lawyer for the bankers—the vigorous woman with the strong jaw—called to offer her a job. “I’ve never seen anyone so nice and so tough at the same time,” she said. And the day after that, the lead banker called Laura, asking if her law firm would represent his company in the future. “We need someone who can help us put deals together without letting ego get in the way,” he said.”

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The problem with trying to be feminine strong is that you have to be really superior. You cannot blow past your way with threats, screaming or banging the table. You have to know everything better than the others, be really competent. That's why I didn't start to feel safe in my femininity until after my 30s. It takes MUCH more hard work and much more competence to be feminine-strong than to be macho-strong (really masculine strength is not easy either).


Be nice, be relentless, and be better prepared than everyone else in the room. If someone raises their voice, you answer lowering yours (you never tell anyone to calm down UNLESS you want them to get furious). They scream, you speak even louder. You need physical help, you either fetch your pepper spray or call security. But unless whoever's at work lays a hand on you, you are poised, calm, polite and empathetic, just poised, calm, polite and empathetic steel.

You already seem to have it pretty well together. Here are a few of my tips on self-improvement.

The general, most abstract idea is:

Identify your strengths, weaknesses and goals.

Give yourself and your life situation an honest look, and figure out what you're good at, and what not so much. Don't be overly positive or negative. That's counter-productive.

Goals are tougher. Most people have no idea what their goals are above "family and money" until way late in their life, and that is fine. But what are the details? Do you want a well paid but demanding career that fulfills you, or just an easy-enough job to pay your bills? Do you want to be stay-at-home mom, or work? Figure out the small stuff. Goals will pop-up from that.

In general, my rule of thumb is that until you figure out what you want to do, concentrate on making money and finding a good partner. They will make achieving any goals you figure out over time easier.

With that in mind, the second phase is:

Work on those strengths that will help you achieve your goals

Address those weaknesses that prevent you from achieving your goals

It's as easy as that. But something tells me you're looking for more specific suggestions.

Here are a few concrete things, that usually help the most people.

• Get fit. And I don't mean it in model-figure way. Build strength and endurance. Don't become just another cardio bunny. Touching those free-weights in the gym won't instantly make you "too muscular". It will help you live and think better. The good looks are just a side effect. Funny how that works, isn't it?
  
• Study. If you want to go to college, pick something that will pay for itself. Please no PhD in feminist dance therapy. College degree is not a guarantee of work any more, so make sure to do your research, and validate applicability of the education you're about to drop tens of thousands on for the job market.
  
• Meditate. You probably have a cliche idea peddled by Hollywood that meditation is achieving some kind of enlightenment, or woo-woo psychic powers. Yeah, no. Meditation will help you learn to control your mind. Like sport helps you control your body. That's it. It should help with the anxiety you're experiencing. Meditation for fidgety skeptics. Is pretty good start, but please don't treat meditation like some kind of nu-age bible.
  
• Meet new people. But not on a superficial level to collect Facebook friends. Basis of any kind of partnership, including friendship, is reciprocity. Identify people who are looking for genuine reciprocal friendship, and build your own social circle from them.
  
• Learn from people who had more time to think about things than you have. You don't have to figure out everything yourself. Human history has huge repository of human wisdom. Today, we have turned philosophy into an academic subject, but not long time ago, it was a method to discover what kind of life you want to live. I'm sure his name will come up in this thread eventually, but have a look at Jordan Peterson. You may have heard of him because of recent controversies, but the reason why so many people follow his works is because he does have some pretty down-to-earth suggestions on how to live your life. That being said, don't make anyone into your own personal guru. Your approach should be to take what you need from what anyone who puts forward good ideas, with good explanations. But don't be afraid to ignore, or respectfully disagree with the rest.

We're only going to start trying next year (January-ish), but I'm already preparing.

My diet is extreme, so you can just completely ignore me on that one. I switched from keto to zerocarb/carnivore last year and I intend to stick with it as much as possible. I love it, but it's not for everyone. I might dabble with keto once I'm pregnant, I'll see how I feel.

Exercise is getting the most attention, though. I spoke to my nail technician about pregnancy and labour today while getting my nails done. She's had two kids. She said that having strong abdominal muscles will help me so much. If you've got strong abs, your baby will be held high up, in a tight bundle. Weak abs will allow the belly to sag and hang low and cause more stretch marks.

I found that so interesting. I started pilates today and will be going three times a week. Strengthening your core muscles, including the muscles supporting the spine, will make for a far more comfortable pregnancy and delivery, or so I'm told.

My friend recommended this book to me, as well: https://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0062326031

Good luck!

Seconding /u/ManicBrklyDreamGrl on Food52 and Alton Brown's awesomeness. (Good Eats is fantastic. It covers mostly basic stuff and gets super nerdy.) And Ina Garten almost never fails me.

If you're interested in cookbooks as well, My Paris Kitchen is one of my favorites, as is pretty much anything by Yotam Ottolenghi. And if you're building recipes yourself or you like to experiment, I highly recommend both The Flavor Bible and The Vegetarian Flavor Bible.

>Our fighting hasn't stopped because I haven't stopped fighting for control.

>I don't trust my fiance. There, I said it. I want to. I'm working on it. But I don't, right now.

I am not sure that I believe this, actually. I think you do trust him. The issue is, I think, the difference between an unconscious response (what you've trained yourself to do your whole life) and your conscious response (what you desire your reaction to be).

The unconscious responses are created in a part of the brain that is more instinctual - some people call it the "lizard brain". This response, to fight your fiance, or to act in a way that is mistrustful, happens in milliseconds. It is not under conscious control, it is by force of habit.

The conscious response, which happens in the parts of the brain that evolved later, takes longer to happen. The key is you have to re-train yourself, and it takes time and effort. You only have milliseconds to intercept the unconscious mind's response (mistrust) and replace it with your conscious mind's desire (trust).

So the first step is to recognize the unconscious response, be more aware of it, and at least try to stop yourself from reacting that way outwardly, or realize when it's happening and stop as soon as you realize that's what you're doing (which is sort of what happened with the airport story - you realized it, but after a few minutes, not in milliseconds.) Then you replace the instinctual response with your desired conscious response - instead of not trusting him you act as though you do trust him.

After you do this enough, your instinctual, unconscious reaction will change, and trust will become your new default.

An excellent book on this subject, if you're interested, is "Thinking Fast and Slow" by Kahneman.

edit: typo

Have you looked into autism in general? Being in a close relationship with someone who is not neurotypical is difficult and I don't know if doing things with the RPW toolbox will necessarily help. Autism requires a schedule, structure, and a direct form of communication from a logical standpoint.

Based on what I've seen of people on the spectrum in my family and their relationships, the most successful relationship I've seen was actually where the wife acted in far different than a "RPW" way; almost like a manager. Their home is clean, they seem happy, their son is doing well. The least successful; they've been married for almost 20 years and they don't speak, she's cheating, and she's allowed his hobbies to take over the home and between his random hobbies of collecting various things and his failed small business attempts, the house is like an episode of hoarders, and their daughter is open about how miserable she is on social media.

This is anecdotal, and by no means fact. I'm just not sure whether submissive sexual strategy is going to fix this.

There's a chance that he's centered his curiosity on too many things at once and unguided, people on the spectrum can overwhelm themselves. Sounds like this could be happening to him. I don't know how or why he's so against getting diagnosed, in the States it could qualify him for state help and getting a therapist could help him deal with sensory overload. It's as far as I know, illegal to discriminate against autistic people.

This is an amazing book on the experience of someone on the spectrum, by the way, I highly recommend it!

Amazon! I've actually found all kinds of cheap and adorable dresses there like these:

Wrap Dress

Round Neck Dress

Tea Dress

These might be too short for you, but there are also lots of longer versions. I also have found cute dresses at Old Navy. They have some adorable gingham ones now, but I haven't seen any floral versions.

Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette - King, Warrior, Magician, Lover : Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine

https://www.amazon.co.uk/King-Warrior-Magician-Lover-Rediscovering/dp/0062506064#byline_secondary_view_div_1540027296351

I found this deeply interesting and useful :)

This is a good comment. I would also add that Tim Ferris has a chapter devoted to weightlifting advice for women that's really good.

It's in this book.

https://www.amazon.com/Hour-Body-Uncommon-Incredible-Superhuman/dp/030746363X

Also OP might like this article.

http://bonytobombshell.com/bombshell-aesthetics-building-attractive-female-body-imaginable/

It's important for women to be realistic with the body type they want to achieve.

Ah, man! I love /r/personalfinance and /r/churning! [Is this the book by chance] (http://smile.amazon.com/CHEAP-We-Trust-Misunderstood-American/dp/0316030287/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1452387553&sr=8-1&keywords=In+cheap+we+trust+by+Lauren+Weber)? Thanks for the recommendation!

Edit: Can't spell correctly somtimes

This side of female relationships is really sad.

There's a book, from 1999 I think, that explains some evolutionary and cultural traits that may make women behave the way they do. It is a long ass book, but oh boy, I wish I had read it at 18, or even earlier.

In the Company of Women

The book deals more with a work environment context though. I you want to really get to the bottom of this issue, you might want to google (Female) Intrasexual Competition. I can't link anything since I've had my fair share of bullying and I don't want to cause pain or anxiety to myself.

Hugs from the Internet! I hope you can find genuinely nice ladies out there soon!

The Case Against Sugar is not a single study but a pretty well researched book that hits on this idea quite a bit. He has another one called "Why We Get Fat" that I have not read but I believe is more of the same.

From a lot of what I've read the science is going more in the direction of what u/alisonrw is saying.

the redpill reddit isnt the end all and be all of it--ive been hanging around the man-o-sphere (which i came to via HBD (human biodiversity), of which the red pill is an off-shoot) for like 10 years and never heard of or saw reddit until this sub got started

i came to this kind of thinking about the SMV via several writings, most importantly the Danimal usenet archive (no longer available unfortunately), he may have been the person who coined the phrase "sexual marketplace(SMV)"

also,

the elementary particles http://www.amazon.com/books/dp/0375727019 a brilliant and very very very painful book

http://dontmarry.files.wordpress.com/2009/03/sexualutopia.pdf

http://no-maam.blogspot.ca/2004/01/book-of-bonecrker.html

http://fisheaters.com/garbagegeneration.html ('on the need for patriarchy')

this is just a sample of great writing that opened my eyes

none of the wisdom contained in the red pill is new, its only what the wisdom of the ages regarding men and women in almost every human culture has been...its currently suppressed by the sexual revolution's feminist, equalist, blank slate delusion. it is the wisdom of the MALE experience of civilization building and dealing with women, without regard to the abject lies women tell themselves and everyone else about their own nature, its the wisdom of the collected literature and poetry of western civilization regarding the sexes. this moment of feminism and blank slatism is a blip in time that will be remembered one day with horror and disdain like the "witch trials" and most other moral panics

• "Babe, thank you so much for _____" (mowing the lawn, walking the dog, taking the trash to the curb, etc.)
  
• "It made my day when you __"
  
• Ask him if you could rub his feet
  
• Read The Proper Care of Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos

If you like fiction, check out Ayn Rand's three novels in order of: Anthem, Fountainhead, and finally Atlas Shrugged. If you must only read one of them, read Fountainhead if you want to learn more about yourself, and Atlas Shrugged if you want to be red-pilled about the world.

Thanks for posting this, OP. I can't wait to read Dr. Spar's book.

I know exactly the kind of mother you're talking about, and I'm having a very similar battle with mine. I can't type out a detailed post right now, but I'll quickly link you to this famous book and even this tangentially-related article. I can't find my resources on emotional abuse right now, but that's definitely the term you need to type into a search engine and read into.

There's nothing 'unhealthy' about these sexual affair circumstances. This is how humans evolved. There was no such thing as context 2. There was just your tribe, one context. There no such thing as go to work with group B (strangers/kinda friends) then come back with group A (your family/LTR/friends). You worked and lived with the same 0-150 people your entire life. Strangers (i.e. plane travelers) were rare and avoided at all costs. Co-ed work was rare until The Industrial Revolution gave women an strength assist. Corporate America is a pseudo tribe. You spend more time with your colleagues than your own family, friends and LTR. The schism and daily flip-flop fucks with your brain. You'll naturally feel the desire to open up given the time and effort you out into the group. Women especially because hypergamy is contextual. Men rotate, women exchange.

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Read: The World Until Yesterday by Jared Diamond

right. they peak between 20 and 24. (that's actual data from dataclysm). the point of mentioning 25 is that virtually all women are on the downslide by then.

I recommend an oldie but goody: "Are You the One for Me?: Knowing Who's Right and Avoiding Who's Wrong" by Barbara de Angelis. It's basically an excellent guide for vetting and for learning how to break out of bad habits when it comes to choosing partners.