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I'll be honest because I trust that's what you want.

Tinder is not for you.

Tinder is an Open Bar for girls. Your profile is the equivalent of a dixie cup of lukewarm water left on the floor.

You look like you have never done a push up in your life. You are wearing a Majoras Mask sweatshirt. The picture with the 'goofy' macro made me physically cringe. Do you smile ever? Where are pictures of you with friends doing fun things?

All Tinder will do is batter your self confidence when after a month you've swiped right 1000 times and matched only bots or fat chicks. You are far better off deleting Tinder and building an interesting life. You are only 20. And male. You should be in no rush.

[Buy this book. Do everything in it. Don't expect results in 6 months or even a year. Follow what this book tells you and when you're 25 you will be turning chicks away. You need to be fit, fashionable, and above all interesting. Your current pictures indicate the opposite.] (https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/0316375365)

You are 5'6 and that will be a deal breaker for a lot of girls. Fuck them. I hope to god your major is STEM so that you're making 6 figures 3 years after you graduate.

TLDR - Delete Tinder. Focus on gradual, incremental, and above all sustainable self improvement over the next few years.

I match with this woman who is slightly older than me, in her early 30's. Very hot body, not really my type face-wise but undeniably cute; she seems to have A LOT of personality from her profile, and I have never been on a date with a woman 4 years older than me, so why the hell not? We chat a bit and move on to whatsapp. The pics she starts sending are out of this world: wearing exotic wigs, homemade costumes, zombie makeup... Keep in mind I have not asked for pics at all.

She makes up an insane story as she goes: how she was a peasant rice farmer (and sure enough, she provides a pic of her dressed as if she was a rice farmer, in what looks like a field...), how one day she was abducted by jacuzzi aliens (and sure enough, she sends a pic of her glowing green in the dark in a swimming pool...), how the leader of the aliens was a dark lord (and sure enough, she sends me a pic of her ex to illustrate, with edits and filters to make him look evil), and so on... You get the idea. Let's just say I am extremely confused, so I decide to double down on the insanity and send completely outrageous pics of myself in various costumes, before suggesting we meet up to make a recipe from this book Natural Harvest, as a cooking activity. She seems to love the idea and finds it really funny. We keep chatting. It all culminates with her sending me a closeup pic of her nipple with a piece of salmon in front of it. This is Harley Quinn level of crazy, but it's also a good opportunity to express my Joker side, something I don't do enough these days. She tells me she works as a nurse surrounded by many dying older people, so she's seen some shit. I think this explains at least some of her behavior. The conversation becomes more "normal" as we get to text more. Turns out she lives a few blocks away from my place, next to the BEST tapas place in the city. She apparently went once, but has no real memory of it. Hard to tell at this point if it's because she was completely stoned when she last went, or because she physically can't remember events longer than 24 hours in time. After a few more casual texts, we agree to meet the next day for tapas, midweek.

We have good food and good wine. And to my surprise, very down to Earth conversations. I expected her to show up dressed as David Bowie or something, but not at all. Almost as if she came from Planet Earth after all... She finds the food delicious, and confesses she never eats out, because what's the point, the only thing she ever eats is Soylent. After a quick google search, I am horrified. Who in their RIGHT MIND can survive on soylent, let alone LOVE IT?! She offers to have a smoke and drink at her place, so I oblige, because against all odds, we are having a pretty good time.

We make it to her place and sure enough, it does feel like the lair of a serial killer: there are random props and costumes everywhere, and the fridge is filled with tens of Soylent bottles. She asks me to try one, I do, I immediately feel like throwing up, and then we smoke. As she puts on some music, I wander around the apartment completely high, thinking about where my life is going, why am I in this place on a Wednesday night... See HERE for an existential moment of reflection about the nature of things and wtf am I doing on Tinder. Yes, these props are all hers...

We sit down, she smokes more weed (a LOT more), and then we make out and transition to the bed, where we fuck for a while. It's hot and all, and the weed makes it really smooth, to the point where it's actually pretty hard for me to orgasm. She does not seem to mind, and asks where I get my stamina from, not realizing it's the weed at work. I tell her it's because I drink a lot of green tea in the morning. We cuddle for a while, and have more down to Earth conversations. She is a really sweet girl after all. I proceed to Uber of shame at 4am and make it back to my place. I am still high as fuck.

We chat and text a bit more, but I have no intention to see her again, because soylent? Really?

I haven't the foggiest, and have never used Tinder so can't exactly give you a sure in. But I have to say, you are an awesome dude, coming from a fellow dude. Keep your head up mate, I have low self esteem and some confidence issues but there are people who will find you attractive as you are. If they say so, just believe them.

My girlfriend got me this book and it's helped massively, maybe give it a go!

Otherwise, I just truly hope for the best for you. You've got the attitude and personality, that's what'll keep them around.

It's a great shame that their bios weren't swapped, really. As someone else has pointed out, if you're having that much difficulty knowing how to start a conversation, you need to greatly improve your social skills. I'm pretty sure there is /r/socialskills on here and you might want to consider [How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks For Big Success In Relationships
](http://www.How.com/ to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks For Big Success In Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/0722538073/) (Amazon.Com). Good luck!

It sounds like you already know that you don't want to be with this guy forever, but you're trying to make it something it's not because you don't want to be alone. Not saying that to criticize--it can take a little time to psych yourself up enough to end a relationship, especially if they didn't do anything "wrong," but I am 99% sure you'll be happier once you rip off the band-aid.

I get that it's stressful to not be where you thought you'd be at this stage, but would you rather be in a relationship that is constantly disappointing or be single? It took me a while to get my life to a place where I'm genuinely content, and of course I'd still like to find a person to share my life with, but if someone (romantic or otherwise) isn't adding positive emotions or experiences to my life, it's not worth investing my energy into that relationship. It sounds like this guy isn't what you're actually looking for--not saying it's his fault, just that this might not be a good fit, and you're exhausting yourself trying to make it satisfy you.

If you're down for an unsolicited book recommendation, I have one. The title is ridiculous, but it's actually about working on yourself and figuring out what is important to you in a relationship. I can't remember for sure if it's in this book but I think she talks about abundance and scarcity mentalities, which might be helpful, too.

In any case, I hope you have a nice Valentine's day and your dinner goes well!

>we're looking for a third

Couple dating together (super common in monogamous couples opening their relationship for the first time) is a huge red flag itself. Lots of couples set up elaborate systems of rules to help prevent jealousy, because that's the big fear for couples opening up. Typically (in a previously mono couple) this means the man has set rules for the woman. That "rules to avoid jealousy" mindset is a precursor for lots of conflict down the road, and is really, really difficult to manage, especially as a secondary partner, because it takes away your agency in your relationships.

For example, if I start dating a couple, and they have a rule that they only date two nights a month, and they only date together, I have to bend over backwards to make my schedule meet the two nights they have to give me. Or, more seriously, they have a rule that says (really, really common) they only have sex with the "third" together. Except I'm not really interested in sleeping with one of them; now I have to give up being with the one I want to be with, or submit to being with someone I don't want to be with. This happens all the time, especially with married couples that include a straight man and a bisexual woman, exclusively looking for another bisexual woman to join them. It's so common they have names, the couple are unicorn hunters, and the single, bisexual woman who can stay equally attracted to both of them and never threaten their relationship is called the unicorn... because they're about as common. I dunno if OP is a man or woman, but either way...

This is backed up by
>eventually I can see you alone after we get to know each other

So you're starting a relationship with someone whose involvement in that relationship is controlled by someone else. This is almost always a recipe for disaster. Couples like this almost always prioritize their relationship above the person they're inviting in. Anything that "threatens" that relationship (like one member of the couple feeling jealousy, which WILL happen) is treated as an antagonist, even if it's something as simple as the "third" setting boundaries for themselves.

Couples like this often also expect the relationship to be a closed triad, meaning the "third" is not free to date other people, or have a romantic life outside the couple, even though they are likely getting a much smaller piece of the couple's time and energy than the members of the couple are.

Even the use of the term "third" is a big red flag. Hierarchal poly people usually use terms like "secondary partner." Third feels like a value judgement.

I know I'm reading a lot into a few words, but there is a lot of information out there to back it up. Check out r/polyamory and you'll see that like every third post hits on something similar.

For more info, especially on how to navigate this stuff, I definitely recommend The Ethical Slut or checking out More Than Two.

I certainly don't want to give the impression that polyamory can't or doesn't work; I've been happily polyamorous for years and will probably never go back to monogamy. But this kind of toxicity is unfortunately very common and destructive.

Edited because I'm tired and markdown is hard, apparently.

And I'm here having troubles with finishing, lmao. That's why I focus that much more on my oral skills and so far not bad. 🤙

I recommend to read this (can be found in pdf for free) https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260. Read it before my first time and was successful. Also this https://badgirlsbible.com/how-to-eat-pussy#pancakevortex

This book might help you.
Free with Kindle Unlimited
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Y9LHX25

Secular ideologies can be just as authoritarian as religious ideologies. re: communist china, the state is their "religion" and it will crush any potential challenger, including atheists. It is not a fair representation of a potential secular society. Secular humanism would be a far more ideal "state philosophy."

I'm not as well versed in Mughals or House of Baghdad. The Renaissance was inspired by humanism and was a break from the theocracy that came before, and further distanced itself with the enlightenment.

There's an argument that any cultural human achievement, especially those within theocratic societies, could have been just as good if not better if they occurred in a secular humanist society

This might help its like 4 dollars.

https://www.amazon.ca/Timing-Everything-Complete-Guide-Cooking/dp/0609802070

Cully, get thee to a bookstore (or Amazon, whatever) and pick up the Dark Tower series by Stephen King! You'll find phrases, sayings, and words like this all throughout the series (and plenty of them are actual words, they are just rarely heard or seen nowadays).

I REALLY suggest getting the revised editions that King released, especially with the first book, The Dark Tower I: The Gunslinger.

Could provide entertainment for kids birthdays.

https://www.amazon.com/Klutz-Book-Balloon-Twisting/dp/1591746744

Probably psychological. This book might help you understand and deal with performance anxiety

Have I got the book for you, op

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0521675995/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_2EmtDbDDEMPG9

here you go

The book, for the uninitiated: Organic Chemistry as a Second Language

I believe the recipe is in the book Natural Harvest: A collection of semen-based recipes

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1481227041/ref=mp_s_a_1_sc_2?qid=1427394784&sr=8-2-spell&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=seamenology

Was it So Many Dynamos?

Yup: http://www.amazon.com/The-Last-Wish-Introducing-Witcher/dp/0316029181/ref=pd_bxgy_b_text_y

Your posts are always fun to read - shockingly honest, even about decisions you seem to regret.

Opinion: Smart dude isn't going to be your guy. He's enjoying himself, but he doesn't see you as someone he's going to commit to beyond a regular fuck. He's going to avoid answering a question like that because he doesn't want to screw up what he's got going with you, and he only asks questions like that for validation. Pull the emergency brake on the feels train, or be ready to get hurt.

Keep doing you, but if you start to find that meaningless sex is starting to hollow you out don't hesitate to stop and re-evaluate/recharge.

If you haven't, read this: https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379

the fabric of the cosmos by brian greene.

https://imgur.com/a/YDnnlXI

this is the book that got me into the subject when i was a kid. it builds understanding with terms that are understandable and then builds from there.


https://www.amazon.com/Fabric-Cosmos-Space-Texture-Reality/dp/0375727205

and dont worry, if i opened a paper from anything other than my own specific niche id be just as lost!


.... that said, i dont have a better answer than a five hundred page book. its not a simple topic!

This shit again. There's research and actually a whole book on that not quite being the case. https://www.amazon.com/Different-Mirror-History-Multicultural-America/dp/0316022365%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q%26tag%3Dduckduckgo-iphone-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0316022365