(Part 3) Top products from r/TrueOffMyChest

Okay. So good news is Trauma is getting a ton of attention and is highly recognized if you read more about it, as well as possible see someone who specializes in treating it. A wonderful book that gives a stellar overview of trauma, as well as ways to start feeling better, is The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van der Kolk.

If you want more foundational theory and some history on the understanding of trauma and how to treat it, I recommend Trauma & Recovery by Judith Herman. I will warn you though, it’s hard to read because of the examples she provides.

Those two books are amazingly important for understanding trauma, how to treat it and give amazing overviews of the symptoms. They are wildly different from person to person. Things like chronic nausea, chronic localized or diffuse pain, intractable depression, panic, anxiety, nightmares, autoimmune disorders, mood symptoms that are triggered and self limiting, headaches, confusion, lack of understanding of the body, dissociation in its myriad forms, flashbacks, sensitivity to smells, touch, sounds, tastes, hyper vigilance, hyperarousal, anhedonia, avolition, random and disproportionate bouts with dissociated emotions (anger that comes out of nowhere, sadness that hits like a ton of bricks and then is gone minutes later, etc) muted emotions, a flat affect, avoiding certain places even if they don’t fully understand why, phobias, weird personal relationships with sex and food, gaps in their memory, hard time following instructions, and many more. But there is most definitely hope. I recommend both books highly, as well as having a serious, honest and open heart to heart with your girlfriend.

You might be surprised what you learn, and your love and compassion towards her will most definitely help.

Where did he claim atheists are (more) intelligent? Do you think he claimed it with this part?
>Atheists see religious people as idiots...


When a believer and an atheist come to different conclusions on a moral issue, both sides logic behind the argument should be scrutinized, however one side wins easily when the other side usually only come up with "because I said so" or "because someone said so".


When people in disputes (like theists and atheists) through different ways come to agree on some part of an issue that's called common ground, and that is generally sought after, but you don't seem to want that, or think one couldn't come to the same conclusions for different reasons.
>Oh please don’t claim religion.

Yet you claim atheists to be the hypocritical ones?


Still, I can also quote random people unnecessarily ;)
>It is impossible to begin to learn that which one thinks one already knows.

– Epictetus


>The old argument from design in nature, as given by Paley, which formerly seemed to me so conclusive, fails, now that the law of natural selection has been discovered. There seems to be no more design in the variability of organic beings and in the action of natural selection, than in the course which the wind blows.

– Charles Darwin


Actually, the fields of psychology and sociology do have things to say about evolution of consciousness, free will, behavioral analysis and morality. Although everything is not known yet, at least some are trying. Here's a few interesting articles/books on the subject:


The Evolution of Ethics by Francisco Ayala


The Moral Landscape by Sam Harris, on Google Books


Consciousness Explained by Daniel C. Dennett

Edit: formatting

You're not doing anything wrong--you're attracted to insecure guys, even if they say, "I wont be like that." Thing is, if that's what you're attracted to, that's what you're attracted to.

It's not a conscious choice, its deeply profoundly ingrained part of your personality.

I highly recommend this book. It's not mumbo jumbo or new age nonsense....its psychology and addresses why we're attractd to the people we are, based on how we're raised.

You gain an incredible amount of insight into why you attracted to the people you are.

Well, for one its a strong demonstration of narcissistic behavior, which rarely brings positive outcomes in one's life, if ever. It would be better to channel this energy in more productive endeavors, through sublimation or projection. Cheap thrills which are not aligned with someone's long term goals are simply destructive behavior. Unless said person plans to work with nudity, it's something that feels good now, but hinders your well-being in the end, much like procrastination, heavy drinking, binge eating etc.

Source: The largest longitudinal study on how to lead a good life:

https://www.amazon.com/Triumphs-Experience-Harvard-Grant-Study/dp/0674503813

> I am sorry that I have been such a mess the last few years.

Find a beginners book to the philosophy of Stoicism. Here is my favorite introduction to the subject.

I know that a philosophy book might not be what you want right now, but its clear your head is a mess; and its also clear that you want to improve.

Click the "Look Inside" button and see if what you read resonates with parts of you. Then buy it.

Edit - This applies to anyone suffering with mental shit atm

Have you tried CBT?

While I've not suffered with an eating disorder, I've had POCD (I imagine similar in many aspects) and social anxiety, depression etc. for years, and the big thing that improved my life was CBT.

I know it sounds like self help bullshit, but a book did it, or at least taught me how to apply CBT to my daily life and change the way my mind deals with situations. I dismissed it for a year straight before I finally convinced myself to read it properly and do the exercises thinking 'wtf is a shitty book gonna do? I have problems way bigger than anything a book can solve'.

Anyway, I read and followed the exercises, after a while I realised I'd be applying then without thinking, which changed my life. Not all roses, and not a complete cure, but it's the first step I needed to apply others, like joining a gym, making life goals, working to be a better person. Without that CBT I'd be fucked and I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to do any of it.

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

It's one of first CBT books and arguably one of the best for explaining it. It's $6. Order that shit today. Like now, fucking order it man, trust me. Getting the book and reading it then following the stuff.. honestly that's the hardest part. Start there, learn a bit of CBT, apply it to your life, then you'll find yourself making the steps needed in other areas. It'll take time, but just fucking do it man, keep pushing.

I know it feels like a book is retarded and not gonna help, but trust me on this. It's not the book, it's learning CBT, and that book and the exercises are the perfect way to learn.

At least start with this book. It is very, very close to what you are describing.


But do look in to seeing a therapist. The only emotion they will show you is compassion. Which every human being deserves, including you.


EDIT: To clarify, what you are describing is actually very common, even to the extent that you experience it. Forgive yourself for your self-judged weaknesses and failures, and muster your strength towards making and attending an initial therapy session.

You absolutely can achieve lasting happiness and self-determination. But it will require concerted effort. A therapist will drastically catalyse this process.

Tigers can't change their stripes.

Why Does He Do That?

The Sociopath Next Door

These two, if you haven't read them, are game changers. And your friend will need a copy on standby.

Tigers can't change their stripes.

https://www.amazon.com/Interpretation-Dreams-Complete-Definitive-Text/dp/0465019773/ref=sr_1_3?crid=3385R0D1AWQHE&keywords=the+interpretation+of+dreams&qid=1573505349&sprefix=the+interp%2Caps%2C202&sr=8-3

Read this, it'll hurt and then it'll help

Also 2 books I recommend are by Nassim Taleb, he talks about a guy, fat Tony. In real life, you want the BS detecting skills of fat Tony:

1. Antifragile
   
   
2. Skin in the Game

You can be atheist, but it helps if you realize that richard dawkins' work is considered extremely lowbrow. He's popular with random teenagers, not academics, because he misunderstands quite a bit of what he tries talking about. If you want something academic, this is a bit more up to speed.

http://www.amazon.com/Richest-Man-Babylon-George-Clason/dp/0451205367/

Changed.

My.

Life.

Is this the book you're talking about: https://www.amazon.com/Outgrowing-Pain-Together-Eliana-Gil/dp/0440503728 ?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/039365270X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_KfNEDb48FGCRQ

May I suggest a book?

You should look into learning CBT to counteract the negative thoughts and perceptions that arise in you.

There is a really good book on CBT for anxiety here. CBT is among the gold standard of treating this sort of thing, and self treatment is possible.

I'm in the middle of a book on a similar subject to this called The Coddling of the American Mind. I discovered it through an interview with the author on the Waking Up with Sam Harris podcast. The book doesn't really explore gender, but it does explore some of things you've mentioned. It has some interesting stuff to say on how risk aversion, political polarization, social media, and overprotective parenting are contributing to mental health problems among young people.

> So the nutjob holed up in his room with a fuckload of guns only ever sees the vitriolic opinions espoused on his favorite internet forum about how blacks and Muslims are subhuman, so he’s eventually radicalized enough to go out and kill a bunch of them. The Muslim boy in the Middle East who sees his friends and family beaten, raped and killed by US soldiers grows up to join terrorist cells. And so on it goes.

Now do the Cold War and replace "internet forum" with Corporate Television News & Propaganda....