(Part 3) Top products from r/confession

There are two books I recommend to everyone who is frustrated and/or saddened by the state of the world and has lost hope for a better future.

The first is The Better Angels of Our Nature by Stephen Pinker. It lays out how violence in human societies has been decreasing for centuries and is still declining.

Despite the prevalence of war and crime in our media, human beings are less likely to suffer violence today than at any point in our prior history. The west suffered an upswing in social violence from the 1970s -1990s, which has since been linked to lead levels, but violence in the west has been declining since the early 90s.

Put simply the world is a better place than most media coverage would have you believe and it's getting better year by year.

The second book I recomend is The Singularity is Near by Ray Kurzweil. It explains how technology has been improving at an accelerating rate.

Technological advances have already had major positive impacts on society, and those effects will become increasingly powerful over the next few decades. Artificial intelligence is already revolutionizing our economy. The average human life span is increasing every year. Advances in medicine are offering hope for previously untreatable diseases.

Basically, there is a lot of good tech coming which will significantly improve our quality of life, if we can just hang on long enough.

Between those two forces, decreasing violence and rapidly advancing technology, the future looks pretty bright for humanity. We just don't hear that message often, because doom-saying gets better ratings.

I don't know what disability you're struggling with but most people have some marketable skills, i.e. they aren't "worthless". Based on your post, you clearly have good writing/communicating skills. That's a rare and valuable trait. You could look into a career leveraging those skills (e.g. as a technical writer or transcriptionist) which your disability wouldn't interfere with to badly (or which an employer would be willing to accommodate).

As for being powerless to change the world, many people feel that way because most of us are fairly powerless on an individual level. We are all in the grip of powerful forces (social, political, historical, environmental, etc.) which exert far more influence over our lives than our own desires and dreams.

The books I recommended post convincing arguments that those forces have us on a positive trend line, so a little optimism is not unreasonable. We may just be dust on the wind, but the wind is blowing in the right direction. That means the best move may simply be to relax and enjoy the ride as best we can.

This is over-simplified. For instance, one study measured the testosterone of people in various professions and you know which group had the most? Actors. The group most likely to contain more femme-presenting gay dudes. (If I can find this, I'll come back and link.)

People misinterpret the influence testosterone and estrogen have on us. Yes, they certainly have an effect, but the effects can't be put into such narrow boxes when it comes to preferences and personality (as opposed to physical effects which are easier to measure).

Confidence is a trait often associated with testosterone, for instance, and one can argue it takes confidence to openly express your desire for the taboo.

Edit: Couldn't find the exact study, but I highly recommend this book, which I believe references it - https://www.amazon.com/Heroes-Rogues-Lovers-Testosterone-Behavior/dp/0071357394/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376755262&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=james+dabs+testosterone

I don't think you "let her" do anything. A person is responsible for his or her own choices when it comes to suicide. You would do yourself a great favor by finding some short-term counseling, I think.

I also highly recommend reading Kay Redfield Jamison's amazing book Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide. I believe it could go a long way toward helping you cope with your loss.

A NYT review.

All my best wishes to you

(edit: forgot a letter)

It a good thing that you could talk yourself out of it. And that was very brave of you to think about tibet and making such a sacrifice for them, but there are better ways to do things. Maybe you can pour in your passion by writing a book about your experiences. There have been a lot of memoirs lately like I am Malala, Orange is the New Black.

It isn't that teachers or parents are telling girls to put down the chemistry set and play with Barbie, but there are a lot of articles like this that show there is unconscious bias.

Parents also play a part in how girls interact wit their world and how they view themselves and their abilities. The book Cinderella Ate My Daughter should be handed to parents when the sonogram shows you're having a girl.

Also, confidence has a lot to do with whether or not a person gets into a science field. Girls, generally, do not have the confidence of boys in STEM fields - this is actually reflected in the linked article.

Furthermore, in STEM fields, Stanford found that just changing the name on a resume from Jennifer to John had an impact on how the applicant was perceived. Most notably..

> Over one hundred biologists, chemists, and physicists at academic institutions agreed to do so. Each scientist was randomly assigned to review either Jennifer or John's resume. The results were surprising—they show that the decision makers did not evaluate the resume purely on its merits. Despite having the exact same qualifications and experience as John, Jennifer was perceived as significantly less competent. As a result, Jenifer experienced a number of disadvantages that would have hindered her career advancement if she were a real applicant. Because they perceived the female candidate as less competent, the scientists in the study were less willing to mentor Jennifer or to hire her as a lab manager. They also recommended paying her a lower salary. Jennifer was offered, on average, $4,000 per year (13%) less than John.

Bah this sucks. Going though it as well and have been for about 2 years. Don't want to say get over it, or find a new girl, or whatever, because none of that shit works. You've got a long road ahead for sure, and a lot of work to do. And believe me it is WORK. I've been going to counselling recently due to just this issue, and my therapist recommended this book, which I just finished reading. It deals with these exact feelings, and it really opened my eyes. Instead of dying, try giving this a read first.


"We: Understanding the psycology of romantic love"


Its a good, easy read. It will give you something to do when you're lonely, and what the hell, you may get something out of it.

PM if you need to, and good luck!

Try this

It's about "arguing" but it really gives some good deflection tools.
Also, I would recommend something on negotiating, like this one

Take something you like already, and slowly start introducing new ingredients. For example: Macaroni and cheese.

Get yourself a Mac N Cheese Cookbook or look around online for recipes. Start making variations on it. Adding meats, different cheeses, different spices, whatever the recipes call for.

Next thing you know, you'll start to find other ingredients you enjoy. Start looking up different ways to eat those.

You don't seem to mention veggies. As a 15 year old, you really need to start eating fresh foods vs. boxed/processed foods now. Your older self will thank you for not getting diabetes and whatever else.

This would be a good place to start for you. Good Luck.

I'm sorry to hear about what happened to you. i went through something like that and as a male it sucks, there are few resources on the subject but if you need help this book helped me a lot. what happened affects you in ways you may not realize yet, good luck on the recovery

This book is a good read. I highly recommend it.

You absolutely without a doubt MUST read this book [not an affiliate link]. It addresses how a specific mindset views success vs. failure and a different way to frame life events. It can really help take the pressure off of a bruised ego.

I am speaking from experience here. This is not healthy given your abuse from the past. This will not give you fulfilling sex that you want. You're reliving your abuse. I highly suggest reading this book.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062130730/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
I only wish the best for you. I hope this helps.

http://www.amazon.com/Feel-Fear-Do-It-Anyway/dp/0345487427

http://www.amazon.com/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234

Already written.

Also, this book helped me immensly.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062507109?pc_redir=1404658036&robot_redir=1

A friendly suggestion for some resources that may be useful/helpful to you:

12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos https://www.amazon.com/dp/0345816021/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fz8EAbTS34259

https://selfauthoring.com

My advice is not to try to control it or hate yourself for it. We all have a "shadow" - the part(s) of us we can't or don't look it often. How we handle the shadow is critical. I recommend this book by Robert Bly. Don't try to suppress or shut down your shadow - that will only end badly for you and everyone you care about.

> God that's some cringy shit. Imagine trying that shit in court

It's commonly used in court to explain actions in stressful situations.

Police shootings, hello?

Gladwell's book covers this:

https://www.amazon.com/Blink-Power-Thinking-Without/dp/0316010669

If you cringe to think that people can have sudden seemingly irrational responses to stressful situations, well, you're going to need more than ninja throwing stars "form" mommy's basement.

Read about how police respond to perceived threats. You seem kind of young and uninformed, so I will just say, always make it very clear to the police that you are not a threat, keep your hands where they can see them, don't make sudden moves, and don't be an asshole.

Or dude, read about plane crashes sometime, how the pilots react in sometimes nonsensical ways. It's nonsensical until you realize they're in a life or death situation, possibly one they haven't trained for, and are about to die. Some freeze up. Some panic. Some take a deep breath and say "shit".

We are primitive creatures in many ways. You ever get hungry? Hmmm, you know how old that response is, in evolutionary terms?

And have you ever encountered someone REALLY hungry, starving, desperate? A starving desperate animal? Or person?

And dude, if you don't think fight or flight is real--OK!