(Part 2) Top products from r/confession

There are two books I recommend to everyone who is frustrated and/or saddened by the state of the world and has lost hope for a better future.

The first is The Better Angels of Our Nature by Stephen Pinker. It lays out how violence in human societies has been decreasing for centuries and is still declining.

Despite the prevalence of war and crime in our media, human beings are less likely to suffer violence today than at any point in our prior history. The west suffered an upswing in social violence from the 1970s -1990s, which has since been linked to lead levels, but violence in the west has been declining since the early 90s.

Put simply the world is a better place than most media coverage would have you believe and it's getting better year by year.

The second book I recomend is The Singularity is Near by Ray Kurzweil. It explains how technology has been improving at an accelerating rate.

Technological advances have already had major positive impacts on society, and those effects will become increasingly powerful over the next few decades. Artificial intelligence is already revolutionizing our economy. The average human life span is increasing every year. Advances in medicine are offering hope for previously untreatable diseases.

Basically, there is a lot of good tech coming which will significantly improve our quality of life, if we can just hang on long enough.

Between those two forces, decreasing violence and rapidly advancing technology, the future looks pretty bright for humanity. We just don't hear that message often, because doom-saying gets better ratings.

I don't know what disability you're struggling with but most people have some marketable skills, i.e. they aren't "worthless". Based on your post, you clearly have good writing/communicating skills. That's a rare and valuable trait. You could look into a career leveraging those skills (e.g. as a technical writer or transcriptionist) which your disability wouldn't interfere with to badly (or which an employer would be willing to accommodate).

As for being powerless to change the world, many people feel that way because most of us are fairly powerless on an individual level. We are all in the grip of powerful forces (social, political, historical, environmental, etc.) which exert far more influence over our lives than our own desires and dreams.

The books I recommended post convincing arguments that those forces have us on a positive trend line, so a little optimism is not unreasonable. We may just be dust on the wind, but the wind is blowing in the right direction. That means the best move may simply be to relax and enjoy the ride as best we can.

This is over-simplified. For instance, one study measured the testosterone of people in various professions and you know which group had the most? Actors. The group most likely to contain more femme-presenting gay dudes. (If I can find this, I'll come back and link.)

People misinterpret the influence testosterone and estrogen have on us. Yes, they certainly have an effect, but the effects can't be put into such narrow boxes when it comes to preferences and personality (as opposed to physical effects which are easier to measure).

Confidence is a trait often associated with testosterone, for instance, and one can argue it takes confidence to openly express your desire for the taboo.

Edit: Couldn't find the exact study, but I highly recommend this book, which I believe references it - https://www.amazon.com/Heroes-Rogues-Lovers-Testosterone-Behavior/dp/0071357394/ref=sr_1_fkmr1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376755262&sr=8-1-fkmr1&keywords=james+dabs+testosterone

Firstly, don't beat yourself up about it, now you know the truth and thankfully that your insecurities were deceiving. You can use this to establish an "autopilot" to use, reassure yourself and remember that when insecure thoughts enter your head, that things aren't that way in reality. This could be her telling the truth in this situation, remembering that she doesn't do that anymore, or a situation where you have truly felt that she loves you back. That is the reality of things.
....
For clarification, the term "autopilot" is from The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steven Peters. You may find it useful in taking control of destructive thoughts.

["Autopilots are all the positive, constructive beliefs, behaviours and automatic functioning that help us to be successful and happy in life. Autopilots could include, for example: riding a bike; staying calm when something goes wrong; focusing on solutions rather than problems; tying a shoelace; being organised and disciplined as a routine; having a positive self-image."] (http://mindfuldiscipline.blogspot.co.uk/2014/03/mindfulness-and-chimp-paradox.html)

I suck at helping depressed people, but I want to try it anyway, another perspective can't hurt.

"Should see myself as important and how it hurts people around me" sounds about dumbest thing I ever heard.

I don't see myself as important at all, and I don't think I should worry about people around me at all if I am not happy myself first. You just even can't possibly love them without loving yourself first and utmost. I wouldn't even want to see myself as important because that would imply expectations, of others, about me. It's about what they want. That is them, saying to me: you don't get to do what you want and we don't care really. We want you to think that you are important and work for us. First pep talk to your employee who you are about to screw over. "You are important to us, you know."
Me NOT CARING what other people think, is what gives me great joy, fun, creativity and liberty in life. And I usually end up doing the right thing anyway and not just for me. I would be extremely unhappy and depressed if I ever wasted my time on how other people see me or how I make them feel. Meet Richard Feynman. He was just about happiest, smartest and most productive and "important" guy ever lived (Reddit darling too of course). Never thought he was "important" for one second. Not even when receiving Nobel, he despised any such "honorary" clubs. He was expected many things many times of many people - never cared one bit! http://www.amazon.com/What-Care-Other-People-Think/dp/0393320928

It a good thing that you could talk yourself out of it. And that was very brave of you to think about tibet and making such a sacrifice for them, but there are better ways to do things. Maybe you can pour in your passion by writing a book about your experiences. There have been a lot of memoirs lately like I am Malala, Orange is the New Black.

It isn't that teachers or parents are telling girls to put down the chemistry set and play with Barbie, but there are a lot of articles like this that show there is unconscious bias.

Parents also play a part in how girls interact wit their world and how they view themselves and their abilities. The book Cinderella Ate My Daughter should be handed to parents when the sonogram shows you're having a girl.

Also, confidence has a lot to do with whether or not a person gets into a science field. Girls, generally, do not have the confidence of boys in STEM fields - this is actually reflected in the linked article.

Furthermore, in STEM fields, Stanford found that just changing the name on a resume from Jennifer to John had an impact on how the applicant was perceived. Most notably..

> Over one hundred biologists, chemists, and physicists at academic institutions agreed to do so. Each scientist was randomly assigned to review either Jennifer or John's resume. The results were surprising—they show that the decision makers did not evaluate the resume purely on its merits. Despite having the exact same qualifications and experience as John, Jennifer was perceived as significantly less competent. As a result, Jenifer experienced a number of disadvantages that would have hindered her career advancement if she were a real applicant. Because they perceived the female candidate as less competent, the scientists in the study were less willing to mentor Jennifer or to hire her as a lab manager. They also recommended paying her a lower salary. Jennifer was offered, on average, $4,000 per year (13%) less than John.

Bah this sucks. Going though it as well and have been for about 2 years. Don't want to say get over it, or find a new girl, or whatever, because none of that shit works. You've got a long road ahead for sure, and a lot of work to do. And believe me it is WORK. I've been going to counselling recently due to just this issue, and my therapist recommended this book, which I just finished reading. It deals with these exact feelings, and it really opened my eyes. Instead of dying, try giving this a read first.


"We: Understanding the psycology of romantic love"


Its a good, easy read. It will give you something to do when you're lonely, and what the hell, you may get something out of it.

PM if you need to, and good luck!

Try this

It's about "arguing" but it really gives some good deflection tools.
Also, I would recommend something on negotiating, like this one

Read 'Better Off' - it's an interesting look at someone who lived that way (in an Amish-type community) for eighteen months. I enjoyed it.

http://www.amazon.com/Better-Off-Flipping-Switch-Technology/dp/0060570040

This book is a good read. I highly recommend it.

I highly recommend a book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker. It's a book that's often recommended in /r/relationships. The tag line is:

True fear is a gift.
Unwarranted fear is a curse.
Learn how to tell the difference.

I think it would be perfect for you.

This stuff worked so so well. I tried everything for my cat and this is the only thing that worked. Just crush up the pills and the fleas start falling off within like 30 min!!

Capstar Fast-Acting Oral Flea Treatment for Cats, 6 Doses, 11.4 mg (2-25 lbs) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07Q1TKTP9/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_X6tZDbVXCGXSK

I am speaking from experience here. This is not healthy given your abuse from the past. This will not give you fulfilling sex that you want. You're reliving your abuse. I highly suggest reading this book.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062130730/ref=redir_mdp_mobile
I only wish the best for you. I hope this helps.

Also, this book helped me immensly.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0062507109?pc_redir=1404658036&robot_redir=1

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Evidence-Afterlife-Science-Near-death-Experiences/dp/0061452572

http://www.amazon.com/Proof-Heaven-Neurosurgeons-Journey-Afterlife/dp/1451695195

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-24509/Near-death-patients-afterlife.html

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-89926/Scientists-discover-near-death-evidence.html

http://www.near-death.com/experiences/evidence02.html

A quick google search brings up more results.

My advice is not to try to control it or hate yourself for it. We all have a "shadow" - the part(s) of us we can't or don't look it often. How we handle the shadow is critical. I recommend this book by Robert Bly. Don't try to suppress or shut down your shadow - that will only end badly for you and everyone you care about.

This book might really be able to help you, it has greatly helped me:

The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/0061686077/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_LKScBb0TZAQ6Y