Not the best week in terms of raw performance, but a very good week in terms of re-assessing where I'm at and reconnecting with goals. That process seems to recur every 4-5 months or so.

**BODY**

Lifting: After posting last week about leaving my personal trainer, I switched back to 5x5 to explore lifting heavy again.

Despite lifting VERY light for the past 6 months or so, ego still flares up when deciding what weight to put on the bar. I de-loaded to half of where I left off with 5x5 (my PR continued to go up for a few months after that. After so long of not lifting heavy I wanted to build in A LOT of room to build back up.

So, starting quite low in order to build back up and focus on maintaining form. Fun so far; I much prefer 5x5 in general because the workouts are shorter/more to the point.

After some recommendation I've been adding in pull ups and curls to the workouts as well, just super setting between the two after finishing.

Diet: had a few days where I ate off plan this week. One was on a date night with the wife - ordered my first ever Baked Alaska and GOOD LORD, I REGRET NOTHING - FUCK

Memorial Day I had a plan in place for a cookout and did not follow it. Lame.

Doctor: Finally going to see a doctor after many years away. New doc, had first appointment this morning. Liked him, young but very thorough. Fit as well.

My goal is to go back over all my cardiologist data from 6 years ago and reassess my atrial fibrilation. Once that's done, going to get a very thorough heart check up (heart attacks are very common on both mom and dad's side) and just make that a regular thing.

**MINDSET**

I would say slightly weaker than last few weeks.

Noticed myself being bothered more by sexual rejections, not wanting to initiate, etc. Nowhere near as strong as it was, and I'm more aware of it, but I've lost a bit of the OI I was enjoying.

Things are bad ----\> I give up, develop OI -----\> things improve ------\> I get re-attached ------\> lose OI ------\> things are bad

\^\^\^ That's the cycle right there. It's getting less intense over time, though.

**RELATIONSHIPS**

Sex twice this week. I'm doing more initiating during the day, but not any more or less successful than initiating in bed.

I've been thinking about our sex life; I've certainly gotten it to a better place than I ever thought possible (1-2 a week on average). But of course, now my goals have improved.

I'd like to be rejected much less, but I can't force attraction and have a lot of room to grow. I can keep working on that myself.

Something I've largely ignored is my own sexual performance/leadership. I've never had trouble giving my wife orgasms (classic nice guy behavior, "she has to cum!"), so it never bothered me much.

But I definitely rely on a very small collection of positions/techniques, etc. My wife is also very closed off about what she likes, sexually, so there's nothing coming from her. I like to be more dominant in bed, but my wife has not been terribly open to that outside of a small number of instances (doesn't like being told what to do, etc).

Outside of the attraction question, it's up to me to lead the relationship here. I also think I could stand to broaden my repertoire; I can settle into a rut unless I'm pushed.

I have a couple books/etc on sex saved to the HD that I never really explored; think it's a good time to look into that stuff. SGM and a few others.

If I want more variety in our sex life - which I do - I have to create that variety.

**BUSINESS**

Starting a new side biz, which is always fun - that's the exciting part.

Also joining a high level systems training with someone who owns several businesses but doesn't work in any of them. Going to increasingly remove myself from my current business while building side incomes.

**READING**

Measuring what matters

https://www.amazon.com/Measure-What-Matters-Google-Foundation/dp/0525536221

All about OKRs. Very interested in using this in my businesses (and in personal life)

Some Enneagram books - I find the enneagram pretty insightful. Don't really believe in "personality types," but I've gained some insight from this system. I'm a 9, my wife is a 6 - want to get a bit deeper into understanding how she copes with stress/problems.

First off. Congratulations on some things.

1. Introspection. Not enough people are able to step outside of their circumstances and make assements.
   
2. Declaration of dissatisfaction. Many times people have a "bad taste" in their mouth about their life, but cannot see enough to say "This is bad, it must be fixed."
   
3. Finding this sub. I have found that there are a number of good places on the Internet where people can find help. I believe this sub is one of them.
   
4. Choosing to do something. Even posting here is doing something. That's great. Keep on doing.
   
   Now, things are going to get hard for you. Very hard. Or rather, very difficult. All of the things that you did or did not do in the past will pay dividends today. (For example: Did you learn your multiplication tables in the third grade? Good, that pays off today. Did you get a good career by going to college in a field which has a high degree of demand? Bad, that pays off today. http://www.amazon.com/Worthless-Young-Persons-Indispensable-Choosing/dp/1467978302)
   
   This is a long post. Don't be offended at how long it is. Take it in pieces if you would like.
   
   
   > Brief background: Married: 1 year
   
   > Me: 23, bread winner.
   
   > Wife: 24, stay at home mom
   
   > Daughter: 3, special needs.
   
   What is the real breakdown of $$$, as a percentage, and who is it coming from?
   
   You are not the 100% breadwinner, as some of it is coming in via the SSI and child support.
   
   > My issues arose when I lost almost half my hours at work
   
   I'd suggest they arose well before that. This hour cutting is just the part that caused you to sit up and take notice.
   
   What is your degree? How has it left you in the hole WRT needing to have an hourly job?
   
   > for about 5 months (february to june). Cut from 30 hours to 18 a week.
   
   Some people would say, "Woo hoo, I went from having 30 hours available for my night classes per week to now having 42 hours available. I think from the rest of your post that you might not have done that.
   
   
   > Our daughters social security is what kept us afloat.
   
   Well, the SSI and the child support, right?
   
   > I lost all pride, all drive, and all feelings of adequacy.
   
   I'd like to know what your budget was prior to this hour cut that allowed you to have pride, drive, and feelings of adequacy.
   
   > So i picked up another job and did any and everything I could to keep my wife happy at the cost of my own happiness.
   
   Good. Have you read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" ? http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1453088070&sr=1-1&keywords=no+more+mister+nice+guy
   
   > Lost SSI due to missing paperwork and havent made time to get it fixed so it's just been me making it happen.
   
   Be clear here, with yourself first, and your wife second. The two of you equally failed to perform the "Fill out the paperwork" task. Do not take 100% of the blame for this (unless your wife is illiterate, and you have to be the one to take that task all on your own).
   
   > The past month: She's been going out every other night or having people over every other day and of course I started feeling jealous.
   
   Some observations.
   
   
5. She's been going out. (Therefore you have surplus $$$ in your budget. Are you putting 10% in your retirement? Are you giving 10% to charity?)
   
6. She's been having people over. (Therefore she has extra time in her day. Therefore she isn't worried about $$$, or she'd be working on bettering herself via a better degree)
   
7. You living life via the feels, not the data. ("I started feeling jealous" WTF?)
   
8. You still not seeing the real problem. ("Of course" I started feeling jealous. There is no "of course" to it. Only those who are ruled by their emotions allow something external to them to move them. What should you have felt? Jealousy? If so, then fine, be jealous. Not jealousy? Then fine, don't be jealous. But there is no of course to it. You choose your actions. No one else.
   
   
   > I've been telling her that I want to hang out with her and spend time with her. But it never happened, either lack of time or money.
   
   Be clear with yourself. It never happened for one of two reasons.
   
   
9. You didn't want it to happen.
   
10. She didn't want it to happen.
    
    Consider that. Those are the only two reasons. There can be no other reasons. Then reflect on each of them, for 5 minutes each, separately. Write them on separate pieces of paper. "Why didn't I want to hang out with my wife?" "Why didn't my wife want to hang out with me?" Go for a walk in the back yard, put some "thinking music" on (I like Vivaldi), and consider those two questions. You will come up with answers that you don't like. That's OK.
    
    > Today: I wake up to a quiet home. In a zombie-like fashion I scan the bed for my phone to check the time and it is 2:27pm. I have work at 3. I noticed a text notification from my wife that says "I went out to eat. Didn't want to wake you. Have a good day."
    
    That was kind of her. (Take it at face value. Even if it was passive aggressive, and even if you don't like it, at face value, she did you a favor.)
    
    > To the typical man, that is a blessing. But for me, being a beta bitch, i got upset. Without any form of rational thinking or reason, i sent back "U serious?". She calls and we begin to talk. I started with my "Id like to hang out with you too" blah blah blah. I work 2 jobs. 14 hours when working both in a day so "im tired" is always at the helm whenever i don't feel like putting any effort towards anything.
    
    I don't think I believe you when you say "I'd like to hang out with you, too." Why? Words whisper, actions shout. Your words are saying, "I want to hang out." But your actions shout "I find other things more important than hanging out with you." Don't claim that I am saying something that I am not. I am not saying that you are choosing sleep over hanging out, and that this is bad. Again, I am not saying that. The only thing that I am saying is that your actions and your words do not match up.
    
    Take this moment to ask yourself, "Well, self, what do I really want, then? I would suggest that maybe you want someone to say "Oh, poor baby, your life is so hard, I'll gladly hang out with you and wipe your brow and make things better." But that's just a guess.
    
    > But at the end of that clearly one-sided argument she said "If you want to hang out with me, then make it happen. But dont you dare get mad when i get up and go without you because all you do is sleep". And i said "Fine".
    
    Awesome. Look at what just happened there. I think it's good that someone in your life is willing to honor you enough that they will tell you to see things as they are. You should thank her for not sugar coating that.
    
    > So I leave for work, clearly in a pissy mood,
    
    "Clearly", only if you are living via emotions. Don't do that.
    
    > when her words start to echo. It hit me that I need to get my shit together. I am way too dependant on her company, affection, and validation.
    
    That is great. I'm happy for you that you were able to come to a conclusion that things need to be changed.
    
    > She then texts me: "You didn't have money last night right? Why the hell would you get upset about today knowing you didn't have money today? You slept up till it was time to go to work? So why get get pissed about not doing stuff with me?"
    
    It almost sounds like she is the rational one here.
    
    > (Our group of friends went out to olive garden last night. I didnt have the money so I stayed home and she went with them)
    
    That's interesting. I'll explain more below.
    
    > And that just reiterated my previous thoughts. I had a clear moment of weakness that lasted damn near a year. But never again.
    
    Sweet.
    
    > No more weakness, no more beta, no more of this pity party bullshit, no more jealousy or insecurities. Swallowing the red pill.
    
    Good.
    
    Now that we have that out of the way...
    
    
11. What does your budget look like?
    
    I suspect that the answer to that question is "We don't have one." Get one. Number one. You must have one. This is not an option. I have friends who use YNAB, https://www.youneedabudget.com/ , Mint, https://www.mint.com/ , Google sheets (search for templates), and envelopes. https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=envelope+budget Yes, just envelopes, with just cash. It works. Do it. You and your wife will continue to have problems with your relationship and you won't be able to put a finger on it until your money is under control. At some point you mentioned that your wife gets to spend the extra $$$ that is left over for the child support. This is insane. Are you married, or Roommates With Benefits? I realize that this is not a budgeting subreddit, so get to one. You and your wife together. If she refuses to partner up with you with respect to the budgeting thing, then you have an MRP problem. Until then, you have a money problem. I suspect that she will refuse, since she likes to live beyond her means, and go out with her friends.
    
    
12. What does your family income look like?
    
    I suspect you have a crappy job, since you talked about having your hours cut. What are you doing to fix this? If (and I reiterate, if) you are able to afford a stay at home mom (SAHM) situation, then you have to earn the appropriate amount for your family. I suspect your wife needs to get a job as well. You simply cannot afford a SAHM situation. Face it.
    
    
13. What does your education look like?
    
    I suspect you don't have a college degree in a field with high desirability. Why not? Lack of effort? Lack of focus? Put all of that behind you, and figure something out. You might have 6-8 years of suck ahead of you, while you take night classes and earn a degree that will pay well. Too bad.
    
    None of these things are hard to do. "The only thing hard around here is your head" (said a random Drill Sergeant).
    
    Make a plan. Find a close friend to help you stick to it.
    
    You can do this. Many have before you.

OYS #5

Previous OYS - First OYS

Stats:

Age: 32; 6'1"; 230-221 lbs; Wife: 32, (together 6, married 3); Children: 1 - 18 months

Readings: Way of the Superior Man. NMMNG. Current: Gorilla Mindset

Overall very up and down week

Drinking

3/10

Drank 2 beers or less at 3 different social events. Pretty obvious that those events and (completely, totally imagined) peer pressure are problems for me as I haven't drank alone in 4+ weeks at this point, which is only reason this isn't a 1.

Was disappointing after a week of not drinking at all but something that gives me clarity of what I need to work on from a self-confidence and actualization perspective. (e.g. - I have trouble saying no to anyone about anything).

Next OYS:

• Reread NMMNG as boundaries and self-actualization are major themes.
  
• Journal every morning about why social events are a problem.
  
  Finances
  
  9/10
  
  Part of a small business group where everyone recommended the book "Profit First." Stayed up all night reading it one night and will read again. Going to implement coming up as it will ensure consistent owner profits as my business grows which will yield desired income increases. (Goal - increase income to $250k in 2020, $400k in 2021, and $600k in 2022).
  
  Next OYS:
  
  
• After a couple easy months, put in a 60 hour week focusing on sales
  
• New SDR has made first emails/calls
  
• Partners have agreed to implement Profit First in coming months
  
  Debt
  
  No grade - holding pattern
  
  No movement as waiting for IRS to post recently filed 2015/2016 returns.
  
  Next OYS:
  
  
• Have created a plan with IRS contingent on returns posting
  
  Family
  
  9/10
  
  Had an amazing week watching my daughter while my wife was gone. We had a great time playing and adventuring together. Other than taking her bowling with my side of the family on Wednesday it was all me.
  
  Since wife got home on Saturday she's noticed that our daughter enjoys hanging around me more and getting picked up.
  
  We've had sex every night but 1 since she's been back.
  
  Health
  
  4/10
  
  Reliance on coffee, caffeine and modafinil have continued. Totally forgot I meant to detox last weekend so put in a task to start this Friday.
  
  Cheated on Keto diet with wife gone. No reason other than being a total bitch. Totally not conducive to goals.
  
  Worked out only a couple times because I was "tired." Have been sleeping terribly because of reliance on caffeine so that has contributed.
  
  Also in "oh my gosh, I have so much to do I can't work out" mode when that's obviously not true and it's the most important thing regardless.
  
  General
  
  I should be able to not drink in any circumstance, but the calendar is (intentionally) free of social events while I figure out why I can't do it at those events. Again, not an excuse, but if I break my 4-week streak of not drinking alone it's DEFCON get help situation.
  
  Need to block out the noise and put in some hours at work. I've Time Tracked off and on over the years and will do so this week.
  
  Need to commit to going to sleep on time.

> at some point the follower has to respect the leader

No, they first must decide if they want to be a follower, then they follow someone that can lead them.

> I know leadership I was an infantry company commander

No, you know some leadership. You're used to Command Authority; Soldiers performed for you because they were obligated to or their lives quickly went to hell with little repercussion for you if any (Think article 15, UCMJ, etc.). You don't have that type of Power in a marriage, yet.

> In contrast the two orbiters (can guys have orbiters?) just eat up the directness and authority

I think you're mixing up Authority with something else...Frame. From FM 7-21.13:

• "Authority is the legitimate power of leaders to direct subordinates or to take action within the scope of their position. Military authority begins with the Constitution..."
  
  The women at the gym are reacting to your frame.
  
  One last reference, this time from AR 600-100:
  
  
• "The Army defines leadership as influencing people by providing purpose, direction, and motivation, while operating to accomplish the mission and improve the organization."
  
  This is easy to translate into family terms. Are you providing, operating, and improving the family?
  
  There are many similarities between small military units and families. You can't just fire a troop and you have to work with them regardless of their willingness, and skill. The same goes for a wife, and especially kids. Firing a wife takes about the same amount of paperwork as firing a troop but affects you significantly more. You have more tools at your disposal to 'motivate' a troop than you do to motivate your wife, however there is a lot of crossover on what can work, beginning with true ground level Leadership.
  
  If you haven't yet, I suggest reading Small Unit Leadership. Short book, easy read, maybe a few hours. It might help bridge the gap and put some extra tools in your toolbox.
  
  Edit: Instead of thinking like a Company Commander, shift to thinking like Team Leader dealing with an unruly Soldier.

On What to Read


Here are some suggestions on books and websites:


The Millionaire Next Door by Stanley and Danko - https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Americas/dp/1589795474


If You Can by William Bernstein - http://efficientfrontier.com/ef/0adhoc/2books.htm


Free version is here - https://www.dropbox.com/s/5tj8480ji58j00f/If%20You%20Can.pdf?dl=0


The Investor's Manifesto. Preparing for Prosperity, Armageddon, and Everything in Between by William Bernstein - https://www.amazon.com/Investors-Manifesto-Prosperity-Armageddon-Everything/dp/1118073762


The Bogleheads Guide to Investing - https://www.amazon.com/Bogleheads-Guide-Investing-Taylor-Larimore/dp/1118921283


The Coffeehouse Investor - https://www.amazon.com/Coffeehouse-Investor-Wealth-Ignore-Street/dp/0976585707


The Bogleheads' Guide to Retirement Planning - https://www.amazon.com/Bogleheads-Guide-Retirement-Planning/dp/0470455578


The Four Pillars of Investing: Lessons for Building a Winning Portfolio by William Bernstein - https://www.amazon.com/Four-Pillars-Investing-Building-Portfolio/dp/0071747052/


Total Money Makeover by Dave Ramsey - https://www.amazon.com/Total-Money-Makeover-Classic-Financial/dp/1595555277


Personal Finance for Dummies by Eric Tyson - https://www.amazon.com/Personal-Finance-Dummies-Eric-Tyson/dp/1118117859


Investing for Dummies by Eric Tyson - https://www.amazon.com/Investing-Dummies-Eric-Tyson/dp/1119320690/


The Millionaire Real Estate Investor per red-sfplus’s post (can confirm this is excellent) - https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Real-Estate-Investor/dp/0071446370/


For all the M.Ds on here and HNW individuals, you might want to check out https://www.whitecoatinvestor.com/ and his blog – found it to be very useful.


https://www.irs.gov/ or your government’s tax page. If you’ve been reading, you know that millionaires know more than your average bear about the tax code.


https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/7vohb3/money/


https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3hzcvn/financial_advice_from_a_financier/


https://www.artofmanliness.com/2017/09/22/4-money-tips-4-personal-finance-legends/


Personal Finance Flowchart from their wiki - https://i.imgur.com/lSoUQr2.png


Additional Lists of Books:


https://www.bogleheads.org/wiki/Books:_recommendations_and_reviews


https://www.whitecoatinvestor.com/books-4/


Subreddits


https://www.reddit.com/r/investing/


https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/ - I would highly encourage you to spend a half hour browsing their wiki - https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/index and investing advice - https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/wiki/investing


https://www.reddit.com/r/financialindependence/


https://www.reddit.com/r/SecurityAnalysis/


https://www.reddit.com/r/finance/


https://www.reddit.com/r/portfolios/


https://www.reddit.com/r/Bogleheads/


MRP References


https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/40whjy/finally_talked_to_my_wife_about_our_finances_it/


https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/67nxdu/finances_with_a_sahm/


https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/488pa0/60_dod_week_6_finances/ (original)


https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6a6712/60_dod_week_6_finances/ (year 2)


https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3xw015/how_to_prepare_for_a_talk_about_finances/


https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/30z704/taking_back_the_finances/


https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2uzukg/married_redpill_finances_and_money/


https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3637q5/some_thoughts_on_mrp_and_finances/


https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/8dwaqt/best_practices_for_finances_within_marriage/


https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/588e5o/gain_control_of_the_treasury/


Final Thoughts


There are already a lot of high net worth individuals on these subs (if you don’t believe me, look at the OYS for the past few months). This should be a review for most folks. The key points stay the same – have a plan, get out of the hole you are in, have a budget, do the right moves for wealth accumulation. Lead your family in your finances. Own it.


What are YOU doing to own your finances? Give some examples below.

Getting your kid to sleep is the ultimate opportunity to show some alpha. In my experience, moms are way more likely to cave when the kid starts crying/won't stop crying. This is when you hold strong. Hold Mom in your arms, "Baby is fine. She needs to learn to put herself to sleep. She can do it." Etc., etc.

This book changed our lives: http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0449004023.
Our little girl sleeps so well now, takes regular naps, and overall is a much, much happier baby.

In that case, I suggest you watch this and pay attention to the dichotomy of striving for more vs being happy in the now, read this and see if you can relate to the feelings within you of pain attacks and the forces that seem to cause them within you, this and how meaning in what we do is more impactful than any other reason, and this where the drives of being content and wanting excitement are given the particular cases of domesticity and eroticism.

 

I also invite you to explore the creation of your own psyche through the influences of the time. Early in Mating in Captivity, Esther talks about a book detailing how sex used to be just a biological fact of reproduction, and over time has been turned into what it is today, a status of your own meaning. The things we hold important in the now are completely a construct of how we were raised, insomuch as the entirety of who and what you are, what you eat, how you vote, what you consider normal in society, relationships, all of that, is simply one of many ways your psyche can be built. And there are infinite ways it can be built.

Culture shock is a real thing. And it comes up when you understand and see that others take things you never thought to question, and do them differently because their psyches were constructed in that way. Ultimately, you will be happy when you truly allow all facets of your life to align with what you want to be, rather than what you think they should be.

Like OP says in his reply to you, high rep squats help everything. They will help you bench and press more. Your shoulders and arms get bigger. It sucks and it's worth it.

With regard to that routine I linked you - are you familiar with 5/3/1? Not sure if it notes this in the article, but know that when it's assigning a %, it's that percent of 90% of your 1rm. So if you press 200 lbs, your "Training Max" is 180. And so pressing 10 x 5 @ 65% would be 115 lbs.

Wendler wrote a whole book, and I always recommend people read it to understand the principles and how to progress. That version I linked just a variation that adheres to the same general principles.

https://www.amazon.com/Simplest-Effective-Training-Increase-Strength/dp/0557248299

That garbage book is 4.8/5.0 stars on amazon, it's New York Time's Best Seller, sold more than 10 million copies, and has been translated to 49 languages.

You have to calm down a little bit there mate, it's just the internet. For your interest i won't further reply to you.

If you're truly interested, start here.

I hurt my back 2 summers ago, I experienced the fear you mentioned in your post. I thought I might never be able to lift again. I couldn’t put on socks or my shoes without massive back pain.

Men are human doers so I focused a shit pile of my energy on learning about back pain, injures and how I could recover. I did modify my routine significantly to train around the injury the best I could but there are limits when you are trying to recover.

While researching stuff I came across a spinal doctor here in Canada that’s had an enormous amount of success helping people recover from spinal injuries without surgery. He wrote a few books and the one I bought is called the gift of injury. [Link to amazon] (https://www.amazon.ca/Injury-Stuart-McGill-Brian-Carroll/dp/0973501863/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1540399414&sr=8-1&keywords=the+gift+of+injury)

This popped into my head because the guy on the cover of the book reminds me of you. He’s a big motherfucker who wants to lift a car. And he does, this doctor helps him recover and go on to set work records power lifting. The book starts out with his story and he’s crying his eyes out in his car because he is coming to terms with the fact that he can’t lift anymore.

The reason I’m telling you this is because an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. This doctor, Dr Stuart McGill champions these three movements for spinal health. He calls them the big 3. There is information all over the internet for these basic movements. Here is a link for one link

When you are done nailing that GF to the wall and you are at the part of the night were you watch Netflix with deflated balls, do these 3 movements for preventive medicine.

And once of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

A pretty good book with parallels to your post - and aptly named: Who Moved My Cheese.

I'd say it focuses mostly on the "change" associated with choosing a different tunnel.

Apropos.

Second review talks about a 50 year-old man who was struggling with rapid change in his career, it caused him to think negatively, and the book helped him embrace it.

Good post man. This especially is solid:

> Stop going down that fourth tunnel and expecting to find the cheese. Motherfucker, stop making your wife's desire the cheese. You are the cheese.

How was it useful for you? [This one] (https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Want-Talk-About-Overcoming/dp/0684835398) was pointed out a few weeks ago here on MRP.

Thanks a lot for your two cents.

I am reading this book on divorce to make an informed decision:

https://www.amazon.com/Unexpected-Legacy-Divorce-Landmark-Study/dp/0786886161

It is the biggest empirical study to date about the long term effects of divorce children. And the unexpected thing is, that divorce fucks children up. Permanently.

Even living together, while fighting every day, is better for kids than separation, as the study suggests.

Therefore I think about getting back. And then continue focusing just on myself and nothing else. But at least I wouldn't harm a child permanently with egoistical behavior. (Which can be egoistical, without the child knowing, which means, I won't focus on my "wife", in case I go back).

Most of the comments have you covered but here is step one:

Baby and Toddler Sleep Solutions For Dummies https://www.amazon.com/dp/047011794X/ref=cm_sw_r_other_awd_RaY1wb59MJVCQ

I swear by this book for getting your children to sleep.

>is this a book or an email gig?

It's a book

www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance/dp/0735211736

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0446392308/

Take a look at this , take some time to read the reviews and this might be your solution to back pain. It’s change my life, followed the book and studied it religiously since last March

Stopped going to chiropractor, PT and massage therapy and resumed majority of my physical activities

Hi there, I'm a girl who lurks.

The men here will, no doubt correctly, advise you about not discussing RP with your wife and not announcing your intentions (both via the mantra 'acta non verba' and because it seems there is consensus that it generally doesn't help for her to know what you're doing--and especially not in the terms used in the books tailored for a male audience and which can be used against you).

I just thought I would chime in with a RP-compatible book that contains none of that, in case it might help: http://www.amazon.com/Surrendered-Wife-Practical-Finding-Intimacy/dp/0743204441

This is the go to book for drinkers on the quit drinking Reddit:

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https://www.amazon.com/This-Naked-Mind-Discover-Happiness/dp/0525537236/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=this+naked+mind&qid=1554735806&s=gateway&sr=8-1

​

Worked for me. I don't miss drinking. I miss wanting to drink now.

​

As for the fat. Prime candidate for this big guy:

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https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/b6yn4l/60_dod_week_2_diet_part_3_fast_and_painful/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

​

Keto is just another way to fuck around and avoid counting calories.

OYS #50

Been at this over a year.

37 yo, 6’0, 162lbs, 9.5% BF, married 4, together 7, kids 3 & 13

Gym:

4x this week, again. I invited my 13yo son to go with me and he jumped at the opportunity. That’s a big change of pace, and I’m enjoying time in there with him. I helped him learn to benchpress (the bar) and he started to get defeated. We kept at it and he was doing 5 reps at the end after learning to balance the bar. It’s was awesome.

Work:

I have a 2nd interview with one of the big 5 tech companies this Friday. I got a lot of solid advice on salary/worth last week in my OYS, so thanks everyone. I also have two more interviews this week at smaller companies and I expect the salary expectations will be much lower. Both VP level positions, and one of them is with a main competitor to my previous company that I’ve run into over the years and hired or lost people to/from that company. They’re aggressively pursuing me – I didn’t apply and they reached out to me on Linkedin.

I’ve been pounding the pavement sending out 10-15 applications a day, all VP level or above, all remote. If I’m unable to get an offer in the next 30 days, I plan on changing my search to more local companies rather than a global role.

I also hooked up with a fraternity brother of mine that’s local, and met for lunch. He owns two recruiting companies that have been named the best place to work. One of his companies is Executive recruiting only. He is putting together a campaign for me to target VC’s looking for talent. Additionally, he got me in touch with the boss of the person I’m interviewing with Friday, and she was really impressed. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.

Reading:

Not too much this week, but I did some writing which helps me put sidebar material to work. I took notes again on Models by Mark Manson.

Social:

This seems to be turning the corner. I got 3 invites this weekend but unfortunately already had plans with the family that I didn’t want to break.

Also, /u/RedRanger207 has shitty OPSEC and his wife contacted me. She told me I could (and I quote): “Take your horns of apathy and shove them up your ass”. Feisty and cool as shit. I kind of like her.

Relationship / Mental:

Despite me being unemployed, I would say this week was mentally pretty good. I sometimes slip into the fear of the unknown with the employment scenario, start questioning my value to my family and fear I won’t be able to provide. I think that’s pretty natural given my circumstance so I will just soldier on.

I finally fucked up for once in a long time. The combination of job searching, not getting great hits, and the extra responsibilities I picked up around the house really got to me one day. I was feeling like I couldn’t go out and get shit done like I needed to – specifically having time to find a new job. Last week was my first full week at home, this was the second, and despite my best efforts to “spend more time with my family” I found them a hindrance. It was all my fault though. I fucked up by telling my wife I needed to leave for a few days, and that my place was not with the family right now while I figure out how to best position us for long term happiness. This slight victim puke upset my wife to tears because she was worried about me and would miss me. It was a weak fucking move, the first one in probably 6 months, and I regretted it the next morning.

So what to do? I went to my wife the next day and told her I had made a mistake for trying to run away - and that's not what a good captain does. He weathers the storm. I would find a way to get time to make it work. I was sorry that I said that, and it was weak. It would not happen again. Everything returned to normal.

I’ve also been teaching my wife to game me, and she’s chose to pursue living entirely in her feminine to do so. That makes me very happy. Actions? She has asked me for audiobook recommendations, and I gave her Fascinating Womanhood. Each night I watch her retreat to the bath for an hour to listen. I can already see her actions making a difference in the relationship. Monday night she was vocal, sexy, and begged me to let her cum. It was a huge fucking turn-on. There was so much immersion because we were both into it. So much so, that she came multiple times in just a few minutes which is extremely rare. Wife is also back to holding my cock in bed every single night, and initiating every single night. It’s been really good and I have no complaints about the progress that is being made here now after last week’s revelation that I needed to lead here more.

I am planning on taking the kids for a few days next week while my wife goes off on a retreat by herself ‘reconnecting with her feminine’ at a cabin alone in the woods. I am excited about that – both for the kids and my wife.

Mentally this is a time where I really need to be strong and keep moving forward. It would be easy to take a few more weeks off, but that’s complacency and it’s one of my biggest fears. That’s how I got here in the first place, and I will not do it again. Ever.

Strength, motherfuckers.