(Part 2) Top products from r/socialanxiety

Does SO still do something about his social anxiety? For example, is he still in therapy? That is really the best way he can improve his situation. And I would like to ask along with the other poster, does he still use various techniques or strategies to deal with his anxiety?

You could try to ask him to practice certain things with you that might reduce his anxiety, like meditation or some stuff from the improve your social skills site.

And I don't know how much you know about social anxiety, but it is incredibly helpful to be well read up on it, so I'll heartily recommend this book.

You're a great person helping him with his anxiety like this. Unfortunately there isn't a quick fix for social anxiety (though it can get a lot better in time). It's certainly annoying to have to come up with excuses for why he's not there. There's still a lot of stigma attached to social anxiety, unfortunately. I have only told one or two friends who I feel I can trust about my own anxiety. But I would love to get involved in raising awareness of social anxiety.

https://www.amazon.com/Boy-Who-Raised-Psychiatrists-Notebook-What/dp/0465094457/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1504048533&sr=8-1&keywords=the+boy+who+was+raised+as+a+dog

This book explains how the brain grows and how stress at different times during our childhood affects our development differently. I wrote a very short summary of the basic explanation a few days ago, I will put it below this comment. I found it really insightful and helpful, so maybe it helps you too. Also, just the way that guy seems to have endless patience with the children he helps, I learned to have a bit more patience with myself.

The way you write about your problems it sounds like you're generally afraid of social contact, not of specific settings? It's possible what you have is the so called "Avoidant Personality Disorder", not social anxiety. Same as me.

Either way, it is definitely possible to improve to a point where you can function socially, and stay there.

I spent my college time avoiding people as much as possible and basically stayed in my 1-room studio all the time. But it was pretty boring alone in that room, so I started reading and thinking. And the more I learned about myself, and about how the brain works, the easier it got to improve my situation, and to cope. Now I'm at a point where, while still not actively searching for it, I'm fairly comfortable with social contact and can step out into the world without my confidence breaking in shambles.

I don't know about 'cure', but it's definitely possible to cope, to gain control, and to improve, slowly, step by step.

Sometimes it also helps me to just get outside, away from technology and all that, and to just sit and breathe and remember how it feels to be alive. And with that, to remember why I keep struggling and refuse to ever give up. No matter how many times you have to fall down and embarrass yourself and feel like shit, you deserve to live life free and happy, and you should never stop fighting to get what you deserve.

(This is a general reply to everyone who might read this. If you found a way of living you are happy with OP, no need to change a thing. You are the only one who really knows what happiness and health means for you.)

Yeah, I'm going to focus on my strengths, not my weaknesses.

And I'm sorry your health care is garbage there :/ There are a lot of ways to start on your own! "Self-help" books (I say "self-help" because they aren't like shitty self-help books lol), online sites, worksheets, workshops.

You can try and see if there is a CBT work group in your area run by a therapist. They might be free or charge a slight fee. If you're not interested in that you can find tons of websites that are free.

[This site] (http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/step1.htm) is great because it has a guided program type thing and it has a toooonnnn of worksheets for all sorts of problems. It might be a little overwhelming at first so I would suggest following the steps and taking it slow.

Also, not exactly CBT but [The Feeling Good Handbook] (https://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1483808657&sr=8-1&keywords=the+feeling+good+handbook) has a lot of steps and helpful exercises to help with procrastination, depression, anxiety, anger, etc. You might also look at [something like this] (https://www.amazon.com/Shyness-Social-Anxiety-Workbook-Step/dp/1572245530/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1483808741&sr=8-3&keywords=cbt+for+social+anxiety) (though I've never read this exact book myself, it looks good).


I've also used the CBT for Dummies book, surprisingly a good introduction.

Definitely give it a try! CBT has helped me so much with my SA. If you have any other questions feel free to ask :)

(for what it's worth I'm going into therapy as a career so I've researched this shit a ton, beyond just my own interests lol)

Real quick. I’m 27, and I’ve personally got SA, GAD, and Depression. Probably dealt with them all in differing levels of intensity for the past 15+ yrs. I personally feel just putting myself out there (exposure), buddhism/mindfulness, and a couple self-help books ( Self Compassion & Radical Acceptance ) all really helped, but learning self-compassion and acceptance were the real game changers.

I feel one of the biggest reasons we are so hard on ourselves is because we fundamentally feel unworthy. The reason we’re scared isn’t the simple act of talking, it’s the fear of judgement/rejection. Compassion helps me be gentle with myself, and acceptance allow me to accept what is, and not what I wish was. If that makes sense.


Also, mindfulness. This teaches me to be present in the moment. Not in the future worrying about some conversation I’m going to have, and not in the past worrying about a convo I think I messed up on. Mindfulness teaches me the beauty of the now. Meditation specifically helps teach mindfulness, and is something thats helped me, but I’ve heard has really helped others.


and CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy). Basically retraining my brain. Teaches me to reframe and re-approach my negative thoughts, in a more compassionate and realistic light. In all honestly, I’ve got my good days, and I’ve got my bad. I’m not 100% recovered, and maybe not even 50% but I feel much better, and I have some great tools at my disposal.

To refrain from writing an entire book I made this really brief. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask!

I haven't read the whole book, but I have read a couple of chapters of The Introvert Advantage (amazon link). It doesn't deal with SA per se, but some of the things in there might still help. For me its mostly about just not giving up, so doing anything at all to work on things makes me feel better. This book made me think, though hasn't exactly helped me in overcoming anything. YMMV of course. Good luck!

Mindful mediation can help get you get back to a period of calm, at least for a short while. Search Inside Yourself is a pretty good book on the subject. If you are short on money, you can get the gist of the book just by googling "mindful mediation". Basically, just sit down, relax, and focus on your breathing. Don't try to avoid or stop any emotions that arise, just let them run through you. After a while, you become really relaxed. Of course, this isn't an end all solution, but it definitely helps.

Thanks for sharing. I went through same thing but I decided not to give any fucks & do what I want. I advice you to read books about this subject like this one.

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062457713/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Ow3UzbRMTPEFP

Meditation helps a lot too. Download app called insight timer which is free or try out calm or headspace.

for women specifically

here is a link bomb directly related to what you asked

(article collections)

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/tag/talking-to-women-2/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/category/meeting-women/

(individual pages)

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-to-approach-women/all/1/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/how-to-approach-women-during-the-day/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/more-places-to-meet-women/all/1/

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-can-i-meet-women-on-the-job/

https://kotaku.com/ask-dr-nerdlove-help-im-hopeless-with-women-and-i-ha-1721137430

 

https://markmanson.net/its-complicated

https://markmanson.net/attract-women

https://markmanson.net/still-single

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and my favorite of MM

https://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

 

http://postmasculine.com/understanding-neediness

https://markmanson.net/power-in-vulnerability

http://postmasculine.com/a-note-on-vulnerability/comment-page-1

https://markmanson.net/vulnerability

http://postmasculine.com/the-pain-period/comment-page-1

http://postmasculine.com/improving-quickly

https://markmanson.net/manipulative-relationships

https://markmanson.net/psycho

https://markmanson.net/amazing-person

https://markmanson.net/one-trait

 

https://markmanson.net/the-dismal-state-of-flirting-in-english-speaking-cultures



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here are some resources for your perusing

these books

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0762415339/ No More Mr Nice Guy

https://www.amazon.com/dp/1463750358/ Models

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0996487115/ New Game +


i found these websites the most useful

http://www.doctornerdlove.com/

https://markmanson.net/

 

(i know it looks like i'm advertising him or something but this seems best targeted for what i assume you're looking for. step by step guides, he instructs you how to go outside and talk to people etc...)

i personally have yet to take it, but i've read so many of his articles, read his HTNGAF book and trust him as as source, and will take his courses as a self therapy for SA

Mark Manson offers courses for social related stuff, including the romantic kind, i found at the bottom he offers a $4 USD monthly subscription for all of them instead of buying them individually (which is probably the option i'm going to choose)

https://markmanson.net/courses

"Psychotherapy that regularly yields liberating, lasting change was, in the last century, a futuristic vision, but it has now become reality, thanks to a convergence of remarkable advances in clinical knowledge and brain science"

https://www.amazon.com/Unlocking-Emotional-Brain-Eliminating-Reconsolidation/dp/0415897173

Coherence therapy is one such therapy. And yes, it can cure social anxiety (although it wouldn't agree to the normal pathologizing way to look at social anxiety).

I don't know if this will apply to your case, but one of the reasons why I used to say so much stupid stuff, whether sober or drunk, was because silence made me anxious. But I found that if I went into social situations thinking about trying to be a good listener and mainly just asking questions intended to let others have the fun of talking about themselves, this helped a lot. This is a good book: http://amzn.com/057809665X

I don't know if this will strike a chord, but maybe the topic of Codependency could shed some light. I mean, pretty much everyone worries about what other people think, but the framework of Codependency could offer some practical approaches of easing out of that mindset (the one where you kind of lose yourself in the sea of others' energy, and base your worth and your actions on the esteem/judgement of others.) The word 'codependency' is pretty lame to begin with, and it has also been kind of weirdly co-opted as term for a dysfunctional/needy relationship, but that's not quite reflective of the idea itself. Just tossing the thought out there, having read some books on the subject and finding certain ideas interesting and relevant to the struggle of having too much focus on others and having one's authentic self kind of squeezed out of the story. Good luck!

You should check out "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

http://www.amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-That-Lasts/dp/0802473156/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&sr=8-1&qid=1410391211

It sounds like your body is having a fight or flight response. A few suggestions.

• You might want to check out the book Don't Panic: Taking Control of Anxiety Attacks or something like it
  
  
• Maybe try mindfulness meditation
  
  
• High intensity interval training. In between sets, try to calm your breath using the techniques I mentioned in the first post. That will get your body used to stress and recovery and will train you to use breathing to calm the nerves
  
  
• Also, you might want to try some pranayama breathing exercises
  
  
• Lastly, you may want to join a social anxiety group therapy program. I'm joining one next month, Ill let you know how it goes

Look for cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety. Here's a book on the subject, Just knowing your problem better will help you some. If you can, I'd look for a therapist who knows about CBT.

These two books will help you do that.

https://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577314808

And this one tells the same thing but from the 60s... So it's more cryptic, however it has dope art.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0517543052/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475120425&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=be+here+now+ram+dass

here is a similar product.

If you want a book that is part memoir part science look at "My Age of Anxiety: Fear, Hope, Dread, and the Search for Peace of Mind" by Scott Stossel the editor in chief of The Atlantic magazine. Some parts he described were so familiar i couldn't help but laugh.

http://www.amazon.com/My-Age-Anxiety-Dread-Search/dp/0307269876

OP is talking about toxic shame:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healing-Shame-Binds-Recovery-Classics/dp/0757303234

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_therapy#cite_note-schemas-2 Please check this out. Essentially, Young posits that we develop early 'maladaptive schemas' in response to negative experiences as a child, frequently linked to primary care-givers. For example, if we were constantly belittled then we might have internalised this abusive/ hostile inner-dialogue as a 'dysfunctional parent', equally we might have misdirected anger formed in response to this anguish, the 'angry child'. These dysfunctional models are based upon schemas that you felt to be true, and built all of this around, e.g. the 'unlovable' schema, if we were isolated or felt abandoned. The dysfunctional adult and child modes therefore actually reinforce schemas.

When I'm being abusive towards myself (I was so used to it I actually feel they are sub-vocal, I have residual feelings that come up in anxiety-prone scenarios) I trace these thoughts to the dysfunctional 'mode' ('vulnerable child'/ 'punitive parent'), and once or twice I have actually seen the root cause in the words of my father. I found understanding these internalised personas gives me much more traction to take these damaging behaviours to task, or to switch up my mood/thoughts entirely.

https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Negative-Thinking-Patterns-Self-Help/dp/1118877713

https://www.amazon.com/Schema-Therapy-Practitioners-Jeffrey-Young/dp/1593853726

https://www.amazon.com/Reinventing-Your-Life-Breakthrough-Negative/dp/0452272041/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=reinventing+your+life&qid=1570206468&s=books&sr=1-1