Reddit reviews The Art of Sexual Ecstasy: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers

I know of no kundalini yoga books dealing with sexuality specifically.

Reddit has no kundaliniyoga subreddit, so I'm unsure how many of their practitioners might explore here in /r/kundalini. Kundalini yoga is more about growth over-all in a smoothened gentle but rigorous method. You might google for a kundalini yoga forum and ask there.

I am more than familiar with kundalini, and have explored the tantric path. Most tantric paths and yogas have, as an aim, to awaken or stir up kundalini.

Kundalini isn't usually done in order to improve sexuality nor libido, yet those can be side effects.

Some Tantra-focused books with good foundations for kundalini that I've read which you might find useful. They don't go deeply into the kundalini topic as "an exhaustive treatise".

• Jewel in the Lotus.
  
• The Art of Sexual Ecstasy.
  
• La Célébration Sexuelle Still untranslated - French only.
  
  In my experienced opinion, the best book on kundalini by far is:
  
  Kundalini and the Chakras: Evolution in this lifetime
  
  Tantra comes in three main flavours. White, pink and red. White focuses on spirituality, with increased pleasure as a bonus. Red focuses on increased pleasure, with spiritual growth as a bonus. Pink is the middle ground between the two. Books don't usually claim to be one or the other. Experienced teachers help define it for students.
  
  Any of the tantric or yogic exercises will do several things including decrease stress and increase your prana or life energy. It's not uncommon for those factors alone to raise libido and sex drive, at times unpredictably. Add the exercise, oxygenation, muscle tension release and circulation effects and you have WOW!!
  
  The idea is to let the effects of the energy increase bring benefits to more than just your sexuality. You should be open to benefit on many levels. Yes?
  
  If you're experiencing whacko libido levels, it is also possible that you've stirred kundalini up to the second chakra (counting chakras depends upon the chakra system - there are many variations and understandings), which is responsible for sexuality, reproduction, recreation, creativity, etc. This is the one about half-way between your pelvic bone and your belly button. If so, learning what it means to raise or draw the energy to chakras higher up the body can be useful here.
  
  If one is going to explore kundalini, then it can be more than helpful to be aware of and practicing some of the supporting wisdoms. These can be from either yoga (Namas and Niyamas) or from Taoism / Buddhism / Zen. A glance in wikipedia can get you started, or the sidebar in /r/meditation.
  
  Various kundalini approaches make no requests for you to be a prude. The idea is to find a healthy balance. Occasionally, the practice of Brahmacharya, or non-sexuality, is used to highten the tension and possibly provoke more energy to direct itself in a kundalini-stirring direction. It could be useful for you to understand some of the methods and intentions of Brahmacharya.
  
  Having experience in any or several varied meditation practices is almost an essential prerequisite to a good kundalini experience. Nothing beats taking courses with living beings to build a good foundation to your practice. In this case it doesn't matter as much what form you choose, but that you do choose, learn, play, and develop a deeper understanding of mind, self, etc.
  
  Be aware that the techniques listed in the books can bring about significant advances involving lots of change, and inspire the kind of growth one might prefer to have support going through.
  
  ============
  
  Some books I've only glanced at and was not drawn to buy nor read fully at the time - several on this search list.
  Amazon search
  
  You could explore some Osho books, though I recommend his books with some caution as he was considered by some to not bother passing on the wisdom that was meant to go with the techniques he taught. It's apparently one of the two reasons he was booted out of India, and perhaps related to the paranoia that some of his students expressed in Oregon. Still, his writings are fresh and fun, and he had a brilliant mind. He wrote many dozens or hundreds of books, and I've read but a half-dozen, so you're on your own on this author.
  
  Also to consider: Kriya yoga and pranayama.
  
  I haven't done any Bikram, so have no idea if pranayama is a part of their practice.
  
  Good luck.
  Edit: formatting

The Art of Sexual Ecstasy by Margo Anand.

https://www.amazon.com/Art-Sexual-Ecstasy-Sexuality-Western/dp/0874775817/

>I don't think that the problem is psychological

I think it is. If you have afforded yourself all the opportunities you claim you have and you still can't reach climax it's only common sense to wonder if you aren't mentally blocking yourself from the sensation.

I highly recommend The Art of Sexual Ecstasy.

I hope you don't take my comment as a judgment. I have been in a position where my sexuality was blocked and I could not climax. I recommend The Art of Sexual Ecstasy because it helped me to identify and move beyond certain psychological barriers I faced and taught me not only how to be a better lover to myself and my partner, but how to be a a more open and adventurous person in general.

Check out The Art of Sexual Ecstasy.

http://www.amazon.com/Art-Sexual-Ecstasy-Sexuality-Western/dp/0874775817/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1346506617&sr=1-1&keywords=the+art+of+sexual+ecstasy

There is a lot of new age stuff in there, but she is basically talking about exploring new things with your partner. She gets into meditation, role play, and different positions a lot.

It sounds like you might be excited more by your imagination than by biology. This is extremely common. When you're with someone new, you have something to look forward to. With familiarity, you already know exactly what will happen, so your imagination isn't really piqued.

I know this thing you speak of.

I've experienced this with about half of the women I've been with over the years (not that it's that many).

It's caused me some consternation sometimes, and though I've never really found an completely adequate explanation, I'm glad you bought it up here, as this is really what reddit excels at.

I have endevored to understand this to the extent that I have always attempted to talk honestly and openly with those lovers I've had who've experienced this.

(call it the "Too Much" anomoly or TMA??, that's what my first and I used to call it)



I've even discussed this with the lovers I've had who didn't experience this, and tried to find resources (reading, conversations with friends, etc) to understand it better.

It's extremely confusing to experience (for both parties) because from her perspective it must be a very intense experience, coupled with the fact that she probably intuits, if not knows, that you could be very put off by her asking you to stop. and because it's doubtlessly a very difficult thing to explain.

From the guy's perspective, when it happens, it's can be extremely off-putting as well, and entirely scary to be told, right when things seem to be going really great, to stop, now!!.

Scary because someone you love, admire and trust enough to be with is telling you urgently to stop. An immediate guilty feeling, like "Oh shit, I've hurt you?" It makes you feel bad. even when you're told that it's not pain.




It was almost impossible to believe that I wasn't accidentally hurting her the first time it happened with me.

I stopped, of course, and asked what was wrong, and got an explanation similar to the one you described above, ending with "it's just too much, it just feels too good".

I know it was just as awkward for her as it was for me, but I couldn't understand just then. It was very confusing.




I know that part of it is that the sexual response cycle of men & women is different. Some parts are the same. Some are a little different.

It begins for both men & women with arousal (lubrication, etc), progresses through 'plateaus' (meaning sexual tension rises through several to many local 'level' maximums), then ends in release, right?

For men release has a specific, observable external cue: ejaculation.

For women, there is no specific, observable cue, like ejaculation, that accompanies 'orgasm'.

Obviously this single fact/difference in the response cycle leads to loads of awkward and comfusing relationship problems between plenty of men & women re:sex. (fake orgasms, hurt feelings, etc..)




Now, IANAS (I am not a sexologist), but I've busied myself for some years reading quite a lot of sexual psychology texts, tantric sex manuals, and the like: I like to think of it as due diligence ;)

This is still pretty controversial, in the literature at least, but there's this whole wide wonderful world of female ejaculation out there.

(prepares for onslaughtof "It's bullshit"/"It real" comments)

Regardless of whether it's proven/not proven, real or unreal, just women peeing themselves or a complicated series of 30 odd small ductless/ducted glands in her abdomen releasing an analogue of semen (no,not sperm) or whatever it really might be,

The only thing common to all reports of female ejaculation that I've personally heard from friends or read about elsewhere is an overwhelming urgent need to get whatever is is inside you out.

Penis, Dildo, finger, cucumber, whatever. out. That's the only thing in common.




Now, please forgive me for speculating here, as I don't have a definitive answer for the OP's question.

But my mind has wondered similarly on the OP's implicit question: Why does "Too Much" happen?

Do you remember how unexpected your first ejaculation was?




I remember thinking "Holy Fucking Shit!!!!!!1111one, Whaaaaatt the Fuuuuck is Haaapening!!??!??" and then 'Splort'

accomanied by an overall euphoric disoriented sensation,

followed by a "oh my god what is this gross stuff in my hand???",

followed by a sense of "what the hell do I do with this?" (both in terms of the experience and the stuff in my hand).

It is my understanding that women who do claim to ejaculate describe their first experience similarly.




So I put it to you, perhaps you're fiance is a bit exxxtra special. I haven't directly been there/experienced female ejaculation but my understanding is that it starts about like you're describing.

I know that's weird to think about, but if you're going to be married, the best thing you can do for your relationship, not to mention your future/continued sexual and marital bliss, is to experiment.

Experimentation takes time, and patience and trust and love and commitment. and is soooooo good for everyone, but sometimes requires rubber sheets.

Read up on female ejaculation. the internet is riiiight THERE.



I Sincerely wish you and your fiance the best in life and especailly in sex, and I would highly recommend this book if/when you decide to go down this path.

The Art of Sexual Ecstacy by Margo Anand (http://www.amazon.com/Art-Sexual-Ecstasy-Sexuality-Western/dp/0874775817)

It's the best one I've read on Tantra (I know, Groan) but it's best feature is that it is not filled with mystical fluff.

(its subtitle is: The Path of Sacred Sexuality for Western Lovers)



Peace

Do you watch pornography when you masturbate?
It is known to destroy people's sexual abilities.

I would direct you over to r/nofap
It's possible you're killing your libido by masturbating too much. It's also likely your sensitivity is being dulled in a number of realms, physically, psychologically, etc.

If it's so troubling to you, your anxiety will very likely contribute to your inability to get an erection. I'd like to point out that sex is by no means limited to "penis in vagina" activity. It's possible to have a perfectly fulfilling wonderful sex life without any need of an erect penis. Understanding this about sex could help your feelings about your performance and ability to pleasure someone. Remember: Your penis is not what makes good sex. Most women don't even orgasm from just penis penetration anyway. Is the reason you want to have sex because you want your penis in something? Or do you want to SHARE a good time with another person? Think about it.

You might consider intentionally reawakening your sexuality through some spiritual and ritual practice. I recommend this book. http://www.amazon.com/Art-Sexual-Ecstasy-Sexuality-Western/dp/0874775817/ref=la_B001HMSYVW_1_1/186-4547505-1443066?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1398296852&sr=1-1

Sometimes issues like this are not fixable in a week, but if you're committed to having good sex, I'm sure you'll figure it out.