(Part 3) Top products from r/TwoXChromosomes

Update:


Thank you all for your suggestions!! I bought a few of the ones mentioned here as well as some others. I went a little overboard, but I figure I can space out the gifts for later in the year, and some are for her little brother too.

1. Nancy Drew (1-5) I LOVED these when I was younger, they're such a classic and Nancy's take charge attitude taught me so much.
   
   
2. Little Pea (for her brother) A cute little kids book about a young pea who has to eat all of his candy for dinner, so he can have veggies for dessert! It's so charming and silly and is a fun reversal for kids who don't want to eat their veggies :)
   
   
3. The Planets in Our Solar System (Let's-Read-and-Find-Out Science) Thanks for the suggestion /u/tectonicus!
   
   
4. The Daring Book for Girls - a fun reference for knowledge and classic kids games, always ideas for fun stuff to do!
   
   
5. Getting To Know The World's Greatest Artists - These art history books for kids gave me such a decent foundation in art history that when I finally took it in college I got my first A+ at a university level. Not to mention, having that knowledge made my time at art museums for field trips and such so much more relevant as I grew up! Also, I give these books full credit for my success in Jeopardy studio auditions :)
   
   

• >Van Gogh
  
• >Monet
  
• >O'Keefe
  
• >Da Vinci
  
• >Rockwell
  
• 
  
  
  
  
  (She's French born, so I made sure to include some American artists in there too.)
  
  

6. The Paper Bag Princess - another one of my favorites that my dad used to read to me when I was younger. I loved it because when the Dragon strikes, it's the princess who has to outsmart him to save the bratty prince :)
   
   
7. The Magic School Bus Lost In The Solar System, and The Magic School Bus On The Ocean Floor. Classics! Thank you /u/tectonicus, /u/mariposamariposa, and /u/caemin!
   
   
8. The Book with No Pictures by B.J. Novak - couldn't tell too much about this one, but it's supposed to be very clever and leave a lot to the kid's imagination, fun to read out loud!
   
   
9. Annie Oakley: Young Markswoman (Childhood of Famous Americans). Another book I enjoyed as a girl about a young woman who who "broke the mold" - stepping outside of social boundaries and working hard at something she was incredibly talented at.
   
   
10. The Way Things Work - This one looks great!
    Thank you /u/mariposamariposa, and /u/moration!
    
    
    Edit: For the commenters saying I should just give her princess stuff if that's what she likes - I have and will continue to. This year I spent over 100 hours making her an Elsa from Frozen dress for her birthday. This should be proof enough that I encourage and share her enthusiasm. http://imgur.com/a/ga9DQ

Oh man, where to start... I don't even know how many toys I have anymore. I went from being a didn't-own-any-toys girl to a husband-buys-me-a-new-toy-for-every-holiday girl (it turns out that, if you're really looking, there are a lot of holidays).

Hmmm here are some of my favorites, with links to Amazon if you wanna read reviews 'n stuff.

1. The Hitachi Magic Wand. This thing is loud and intense... but don't be put off by the noise. It's insane. It practically beats the orgasms right out of your pussy. It took me a long time to warm up to it, but now that I have, it's my number one absolute favorite toy. I love it so much I'm thinking about getting a Sybian. There are a bunch of neat silicon attachments for the Hitachi... also, courtesy of Toys in Babeland, I got the idea to put a Tenga male masturabator on the end. You take the little rubber masturbation pouch and flip it inside out and stretch it over the Hitachi's head. It's an instant way to soften and texturize the surface of the vibrating head. Pretty clever, those Toys in Babeland ladies are.
   
   
2. Rabbit Pearl. Just like the Hitachi, this was another toy that I didn't believe the hype until I got one. It's awesome. It's just doing so much. It vibrates your clit, it massages your g-spot, it stimulates the opening of your vaginal canal and labia. It's ridiculously awesome.
   
   
3. LELO Gigi. LELO an awesome toy company. I have quite a few toys from them (the Iris, Nea, Luna Beads, and Ella, off the top of my head) and like the Gigi the most. I like G-spot stimulation and it's shaped nicely for that. The head is also flat enough that you can rub it right on your clit if you want. It's a nice combo toy.
   
   
4. Rock Chick Bullet Vibrator. I love this little vibe. It's such a perfect size to keep in your purse. I keep one in my makeup kit for those times we're on a road trip or something and I just feel like a little 'gasm pick me up.
   
   Seems like you're in the market for a vibrator so I'll just stick to that... don't even get me started in dildos and plugs! :)

Therapy, honestly. Being honest with myself about things I didn't like (my weight, my habit of talking over people, my tendency toward being insecure/defensive, my need for validation from others) and making concrete plans to fix those things (therapy, eating less, apologizing when I interrupt, asking more questions, keeping a journal of my progress/success etc).

I come from a background of abuse (I posted about it recently if you feel like reading about it). I had a habit of binge eating, self injury and trying to find worth through online interactions. I felt worthless and disgusting and generally awful most of the time, even though I was in a safe place with a husband who loved me and good people around me. As I've healed, my external environment has stayed pretty much the same, but how I think and feel about things is different.

If you can't do therapy right now, there are CBT workbooks you can do on your own - this one might be a good place to start. I also suggest getting outside yourself and serving - volunteering at a soup kitchen, a shelter, an animal rescue etc. can help adjsut your perspective and give you something to feel good about.

Find things in your life that you're proud of - things you are good at or worked for or can improve. At one point I took up weightlifting to have an objective measurement of my progress - it didn't matter if I didn't improve every week, over time I could do things I never did before. If you want to take control of your eating, I suggest looking for a TOPS group and keeping a record of what you eat and how you're feeling - if you can change the feelings then there will be less drive to over-eat.

Make a list of things you enjoy and that feel good - writing, doing your nails, talking to a friend, cleaning whatever - and start doing those things when you're feeling upset instead of eating/wallowing/isolating yourself. It's hard at first, and you won't do it perfectly every time, but give yourself 6 months and you'll be in a better place than you are right now. Keeping a journal/record of things you're happy about/proud of/accomplished seems kind of hokey but it really does help.

Reaching out like this is a good step too. Negativity breeds in isolation, by reaching out you're already taking a step - be proud of that. If you're open to it, being part of a faith group can also be really supportive and helpful - even if it just gets you around people in a positive environment on a regular basis.

I'm sorry for some of the responses you've received on this thread.

I think it shows insight into yourself and that you have compassion for your partner that you're interested in your own mental health. Keep up the good work!

u/LadyWithCats' advice is top notch. Sliding scale therapists can be found. I sincerely recommend asking your parents for help, much like LadyWithCats advice. Sometimes our parents don't do all we'd like to support us, though, and you'll have to pursue some things on your own. In either case, I suggest a fair amount of reading.

I recommend acquiring a workbook so that you can practice some mental health skills. Much like seeing a physical trainer, it doesn't matter what shape you're in when you show up and start such a workbook, you're going to walk out in better shape when you're done. Emotional growth doesn't stop once you reach 18—it never really stops. Workbooks require patience in the face of what doesn't look like much progress at first. They can be frustrating—just like a physical trainer. Stick with it. :)

It's always good to see the strengths of what you possess as well as the weaknesses. One strength of people with borderline traits is they are more expressive of their emotions than the average person. They are often in tune with how they are feeling from moment to moment, which is something that can elude others. This makes it easier for other people to attune to them and connect with them.

I HIGHLY recommend: The What's Happening To my Body Book for Girls. It's what I learned on but the book is updated very often to include new information. It's informative but in a way that kids can undesrtand (without being super dumbed-down). Lots of useful pictures, lots of positive messages. I love this book! I read it cover to cover and referenced it many times throughout my pubescent years when I had questions.

Good luck!

Edit: If that one seems too advanced, try The Care and Keeping of You. It's mostly about hygiene and puberty. They are going to need something more informative in a few years, though...I find that book to be rather incomplete and it raised more questions for me than it answered.

Honestly I had this same problem a few weeks ago, and did all of these things but none worked for me. I strongly recommend Color Oops, which is gentle on your hair and pretty much a lifesaver. It works best when a) used soon after hair dying (as in, not six months later) and b) going back to lighter color.

Good luck!

Maybe check out The Five Languages of Love. It's a great book that helps couples understand affection and how to keep each other happy. Even if he won't read it, it should give you some good tools for how to have healthy conversations about this with him. I really love the book, and it's helped me understand what I need in relationships a lot better and how to communicate that (geez, I sound like a commercial, but for real, I love the book). Good luck!

I'd like to recommend the book The 5 Love Languages. I'm guessing you and your fiance may just have different ways of giving and receiving love and affection. I also recommend crate training your dog or if possible getting him a fenced-in outdoor area where he can blow off steam. Good luck!

I think therapy would be SO helpful for you. It's so good to have a human listening and offering the voice of reason. Please consider it.

Until then, maybe try committing to a workbook. And read up on cognitive-behavioural therapy, because it is commonly used to help unpleasant automatic thoughts and mindsets, and I found it helpful. Another thing I found hugely beneficial was learning about assertiveness techniques. When you can act like you have healthy self-respect, you internalize it and you get better feedback from people around you.

Two workbooks I found good are Mind Over Mood and The Self-Esteem Workbook.

So many people have already given solid advice. I don't have much to add, except to respond to the idea that just holding her and talking to her is not that much. That can be everything. During the early days after my rape experience that was all I could handle, and it meant the world to me if someone was just there with me.

These things don't resolve quickly, but with work it will eventually get better.

Book recommendations: These books were particularly helpful for me:

Hurting and Healing by Gloria Wade was nice in the beginning.

Also, it's NOT time for this yet, but when you two/she are eventually ready to explore sex again, The Sexual Healing Journey by Wendy Maltz is AMAZING. Again, this is clearly for a ways down the line, but when you are there it is THE BOOK.

In our heart of hearts, we don't want to believe that doctors/nurses "get bored" (which I think is a bit of a simplification) and do things that may endanger us or cause unnecessary interventions. After all, we are instilling a great amount of trust in their care. However, they are running a business, they are dealing with insurance companies, and their intentions are not purely to give the desired experience of the patient. Of course they don't want to put anyone into harms way, but most doctors don't view c-sections as dangerously as midwives and other obgyn professionals.

So it really comes back to the instilling trust factor. The best thing your sister can do is become educated. Understand the reasoning behind different procedures and the physiological functions of labor so that she isn't held helpless with difficult decisions during one of the most physically stressful moments of her life. This book for instance, is highly recommended by the natural child birthing community. I also like this book.

Outside of that, here is my personal advice.

1. Stay at home as long as possible. First births tend to be the longest and if she goes in at 8 or 10 cm dilated, she's much less likely to have interventions pushed on her since she will be close to delivery.
   
   
2. Refuse induction. Unless there is a critical emergency, inductions are almost always more harm than good and end up being the reason that most women are forced into c-sections. See this comment
   
   
3. Don't fear the magic number 40. When a woman goes over 40 weeks their doctor's get twitchy and start to demand induction even though predicting the exact conception date is not an exact science. First babies are often late as well.
   
   
4. Get a doula - they can be an excellent source of calm and a major advocate.
   
   There's lots of other good advice in this thread, but that's my 2 cents.
   

Congratulations! I'm jelly!

Look into getting some pregnancy books, they generally do a good job of demystifying the process. Here are some suggestions:

Ina May's Guide to Childbirth is an excellent place to start. It's all about how natural birth is, and has a bunch of positive birth stories.

The Panic Free Pregnancy is definitely useful. You'll be bombarded with all the things that are unsafe for you during your pregnancy, and this book helps determine fact or fiction and provides an explanation.

Lots of people suggest What to Expect When You're Expecting, but others find it kind of fear-mongering. I skimmed through it once and the list of adverse side effects you can expect to experience is pretty intimidating.

The Mayo Clinic's Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy is a more clinical approach. I haven't read it myself but I've heard good things about it. Less fluff than some pregnancy books, more fact.

You madame, are genius! I'm getting an IUD later this month, but have been period-less on Depo for YEARS. Just ordered a pack to help ease my mind when I question if I'm experiencing side effects from my birth control or if they're actually symptoms... Bless you ❤
Similar version (US): Https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007VT30C8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_7eGIzb8Z7KG1Z

There is an AWESOME color remover called "Color Oops", you can buy it at places like Walgreens and such. Here's info from Amazon. You HAVE to follow the directions precisely for it to work. I was able to strip off semi-permanent (or permanent, can't remember now) black dye and get back to something semi-normal that I could then re-dye with something lighter.

It was the best thing ever. Totally saved me a trip to the salon!

I've never been shy. But one thing you said made me compelled to comment. "Because I was afraid they didn't actually want me there."

I think everyone has this fear, not just shy people. I'm always terrified of this. And part of it is my depressive mindset. I started cognitive behavioral therapy a year ago, and it's really helpful for exactly this kind of scenario. What you're doing, according to CBT, is fortune-telling and mindreading. You're assuming people don't like you. You're predicting they will dislike you. You don't have real evidence to support these ideas, but you keep telling yourself them over and over again, right?

There's a book I'd highly recommend you read called The Feeling Good Handbook. It's a primer in CBT and helps you talk yourself out of these kind of moments where you're shutting yourself down and thinking negatively about yourself ("No one here likes me.")

Easy fix/Medical fix: Use a hormonal birth control method to control or eliminate your periods. I use lo loestrin fe continuously. I used to use errin (the mini pill). I haven't had a period in two years and I love it.

Hard fix/Behavioral fix: Dialectical Behavior Therapy is series of exercises and practices designed to help people control their emotions. It used for people with PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, PMDD (premenstrual dsymorphic disorder), and anyone with strong emotions that they need help controlling. You can sign of for a group class, do one on one therapy, or even learn by yourself from a workbook. It won't make your emotions go away or solve the underlying problem, but it will give you better tools to deal with it.

I think you need to talk to a doctor and see if there is a medical fix first. This is affecting your functioning at work and socially, so it's important to get help.

The Lelo vibrators are AMAZING! I own one and it has a super soft rubber matterial that is awsome feeling. They are a little on the expensive side but they are rechargeable. Here is one that has vaginal and clitoral stimulation http://www.amazon.com/LELO-Luxury-Rabbit-Vibrator-Purple/dp/B005FG92IK/ref=sr_sp-atf_image_1_3?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1382934564&sr=1-3&keywords=Lelo

This is one the one that I have and love! http://www.amazon.com/LELO-Gigi-Personal-Massager-Deep/dp/B0029ZALBC/ref=sr_sp-atf_title_1_2?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1382934564&sr=1-2&keywords=Lelo

I think there are lots of interesting lines of thought behind the whole topic. I am greatly frustrated by how often people fall back on 'its biological'. I'm currently reading Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine which seems to share my frustration but is reassuring that the science is not at all cut and dry in that area. That most people grossly overestimate the data on 'hard wired' differences.

I think we also need to remember, that while kids do go to the gendered toys, kids can also be little gender police.

I bet most people here, during their childhood, had another kid tell them they could or couldn't do something based on their sex.

During an early stage of child development, kids learn rules, and try to fit the world into that. Some little kids literally think 'girls wear dresses, if I wear a dress then I am a girl' .

They just make assumptions very easily. No matter how many trucks you give them, your daughter is going to come across some girls's stereotypes, make the link (she's a girl - I'm a girl - this is how I be a girl!).

I think the most important thing is to early on teach your kids to be critical, and accepting of variation.

• You can like princess dresses, but you can like superheroes too! Anyone who says you have to choose toys for girls is silly. You can pick either!*
  
  I think the most important thing though is to not segregate kids. In a gender egalitarian society, men and women need to see each others as equals and stop placing rules on the basis of gender. People who grow up without positive experiences with the opposite sex (friends, parents, siblings) often have a harder time relating to them.
  

It's a little expensive, but I heartily recommend the Gigi for the following reasons:

1. It's well-designed, cute and discrete (quiet)
   
   
2. It's rechargeable, so you can just plug it into the wall rather than using endless amounts of batteries
   
   
3. It has different settings of vibrations to play with
   
   
4. It's built to last. I've had mine for the past 3 1/2 years and it works as well as the day I bought it
   

Hardware stores also sell door braces that fit under the doorknob and make the door harder to swing open. It's a tough to describe but this Amazon link has an example photo. You could potentially buy them, use them until you move out and return them to the store.

How old is the building? Modern doors are basically thin sheets of wood built like corrugated cardboard (Think Ikea desktops). I'm a male, 130lb and broke thru one pretty easily (It's ok, I work in construction). Older door are more solid.

Buy him this. Then have him "study" the best part is all the homework is fun and awesome !

So you reject the validity of the OP's account and think she is lying or delusional.

OK.

Striking up conversations with strangers is not how the world turns if strangers don't want to talk to you.

Do you accept that some people who are strangers don't want to talk to you and that they are entitled to be left alone? Regardless of whether they are male or female.

Do you accept that someone you don't know (regardless of whether they are male or female) doesn't owe you interaction.

Do you accept that men and women should be entitled to walk the streets unmolested by interaction with you and that neither men nor women owe you any interaction when you seek it?

Do you accept that other human beings have a choice about whether they interact with you and that if they are a stranger to you they have no obligation to interact with you because they are free agents?

You say "the problem is that the woman described it as leering when it wasn't".

You're so insensitive to the feelings of other people on the planet that you tell them that their sincerely reported feelings are "wrong". And you feel a sense of entitlement that somehow you're owed attention by women just because you've announced that you're interested in them.

I sense a defensive reaction against low self-esteem. Try:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Self-Esteem-Workbook-Glenn-Schiraldi/dp/1572242523/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1406567100&sr=8-2&keywords=The+Selfesteem+workbook

Everyone else here has mentioned great things to talk about body image issues.

I would also add that talking about women who are successful without judging them for their bodies is a huge thing. I'm in the middle of Lean In, and as woman about to complete her masters, I realized that there was so much information about why I felt crappy growing up put into words there. So, talk about women in politics. The four women astronauts in space. Talk about women who are changing the world because she isn't just a pretty face.

Also, studies have shown that just seeing pictures of people of all different types of bodies creates better body image.

> Have any of you been in this situation?

Yes.

> How did you pull out of the slump? What can I do as a woman to embrace and feel better about myself?

Therapy. If you want a simpler answer I can recommend this book. My therapist made me use it and it's actually been very helpful whenever I have had the patience/will to use it.

The way that birth is portrayed in our society can be frightening. We're inundated by images and horror stories from a young age. However, birth can also be a beautiful and positive experience. I had no morning sickness and no pregnancy complications at all. My son was born after a brief labor in a warm, relaxing birthing tub. I used a Certified Nurse Midwife instead of an OB. We had no complications and I went home six hours after the birth and slept in my own bed.

A vaginal birth is safer for you and baby and a much faster recovery time. It is very rare for a woman to have issues because of her size unless there are other medical issues at play - such as gestational diabetes. Women at my local birth center routinely have 10lb+ babies vaginally with no issues or interventions. There are a few great resources out there that portray birth in a different light. [Ina May's Guide To Childbirth] (http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156) would be a good starting point.

The Feeling Good Hand Book by David D. Burns, really helped me a lot. It's based around journaling when you have an episode and rationalizing these kind of statements out. He goes over a ton of common mental traps, how to identify them and how to best combat them).

For example, "Im sure my boss is going to think I'm a fool" is mind-reading and labeling-- In reality you don't know what your boss thinks of you unless you ask, he probably doesn't actually think that based on good work you've done before, and making a mistake does not make you a fool- it doesn't make you anything except a person who made a mistake.

Most of all I really do appreciate his discussion on "should" and "should nots" I'm not even sure I can describe how much my thinking was changed by this book.

I recommend two things:

1. Stop watching TV.
   
   
2. Take a look at Ina May's Guide to Childbirth - arguably the best book on childbirth ever, and it'll go a long way to replace the TV-based images you have in your head with calmer, more natural, more realistic ones.

Your fertility varies throughout the month. Some days you have a 0 or near 0 percent chance of becoming pregnant, and some days you have a much higher chance. So, it's impossible to come up with a number that will apply to every sexual encounter you have. It's more practical to come up with a rough yearly average percentage.

I suggest buying a used copy of this book to learn more!!! It is extremely useful for understanding your fertility and your cycles and at $.66 it's information anyone can afford!

This reminds me of my favorite book when I was growing up, The Paper Bag Princess . Yay for empowering young girls!

I would say from this is the source for most people who follow FAM. It is extremely comprehensive.
http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Reproductive/dp/0060937645

This is the website that can accompany the book. I think some people find the forums very useful. http://www.tcoyf.com/

Planned Parenthood and other services that educate about reproductive health will have print materials for learning this service, and there are definitely doctors and other health professionals who educate via workshops etc about this.

Install some additional security on your door- yes, it means you waking up to engage them- but I bet you'll sleep better once she leaves:
http://smile.amazon.com/Master-Lock-265DCCSEN-Dual-Function-Security/dp/B0002YUX8I/ref=pd_sim_60_2?ie=UTF8&dpID=216GN31N30L&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR160%2C160_&refRID=1VSSFQFMC79GCKCS8HN4

Oh, this horribly embarrassing but great book: What's Happening to My Body?

I was given the old version of What's Happening to my Body Book for Girls. It is very long and very clinical and I read the SHIT out of that thing. I plan on giving my daughter an updated version. Some of the info on AIDS etc is outdated now so it wouldn't be right to give my copy to her, though I still own it.

I prefer science to belief. Brains are different, but it's more about the individual than the sex.

>Brain imaging techniques have simultaneously offered an increasingly detailed profiling of brain activity, giving researchers access to enormous data-sets. There has also been a discovery that our brains can actually be moulded by different experiences, including those associated with being male or female. This clearly illustrates the problem of the biological determinist approach. It also shows the need to account for variables such as education, and economic and social status when comparing brain characteristics.

>Psychologists have also started to show that many of the psychological traits we think of as either male or female actually exist on a spectrum. A recent studyrevisiting a number of such behavioral characteristics, showed that they typically do not fall into two neat, non-overlapping binary categories. Even men’s “superior” skills in spatial cognition—a well-established stalwart—has been shown to be diminishing over time, even disappearing. In certain cultures, the situation is actually reversed.

>And it doesn’t end there. The very concept of a “male” and “female” brain has been found to be flawed. A recently reported study showed that every brain is actually a mosaic of different patterns, some more commonly found in men’s brains and some in women’s. But none could be described as fully male or fully female.

http://www.newsweek.com/sexism-brains-female-male-neurosciences-feminism-determinism-514426

https://www.amazon.com/Delusions-Gender-Society-Neurosexism-Difference/dp/0393340244

It needs to happen more often. I remember my aunt reading me The Paper Bag Princess when I was little, where a princess rescues a prince from a dragon with cunning and wits, only to have him belittle her appearance, so she dumps him and lives happily ever after by herself. I was so flabbergasted by the ending that I made my aunt repeat it three or four times. I had never heard a story with a strong, independent girl before that.

Yeah, take a pregnancy test. If she's not pregnant, then don't be concerned, she likely just had a delayed ovulation. Ovulation can be delayed for a number of reasons, like stress. Your wife (and maybe you) might be interested in reading this book http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Reproductive/dp/0060937645

I was amazed at how little I knew about my own body before I read this!!

For your sweating: http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Antiperspirant-Deodorant-Clinical-Strength/dp/B0014DQLN2/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1314149605&sr=8-3

I used to sweat soooo freakin much, I didn't want to raise my hand in class blah blah blah. I used this and it TOTALLY fixes it. The only side effect is that if you put too much on/in the beginning when you put it on, your underarms can get really itchy. Put it on only before bed with an old tee, because it sometimes stains the shirt. But it works like a miracle.

I was recently asking about good sex books in another post. Here were some of the good ones I found:

http://www.amazon.com/Our-Bodies-Ourselves-New-Era/dp/0743256115/

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Getting-6th-Paul-Joannides/dp/1885535333/

http://www.amazon.com/Sexually-Shy-Inhibited-Womans-Guide/dp/0984057463/

http://www.amazon.com/Getting-Sex-You-Want-Inhibitions/dp/159233301X/

http://www.amazon.com/Because-Feels-Good-Pleasure-Satisfaction/dp/160529876X/

http://www.amazon.com/Complete-Idiots-Guide-Amazing-Third/dp/1592573274/

http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260/

This sounds like an irrational level of anxiety for this (and there's nothing wrong with that, we all have our irrational fears that we can't do anything to stop). Would it maybe help if you tested regularly? I've seen that as a trick for people who have similar anxieties, they buy the cheap test strips in bulk (like these: https://www.amazon.com/ClinicalGuard®-Pregnancy-Test-Strips-Individually-Sealed/dp/B007VT30C8) and test monthly or even weekly. Although that tends to be more useful in places where abortion is a more viable option. It would still help regularly confirm that you're not pregnant, and between the pills and condoms, you're beyond relatively safe.

Thanks. I've actually read this book with a title that's decently unfortunate for how spot-on it is (http://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436), and it helped a lot. Interesting subreddit. I highly doubt I'll ever "cut them out," but still, healthy distancing mechanisms are important to learn.

oh man i feel for you, OP. I've had this my whole life too. The only thing that has realllllly helped me is this special deodorant. Not like the stuff you get in CVS. I believe it is called Maxim. You can get it on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Maxim-Prescription-Strength-Antiperspirant-Deodorant/dp/B0014DQLN2 -- have you ever tried it?
I've been using it since I was in High School. And i swear by it now. I went from having to apply it every night before bed to only using it maybe 1x month 10 years later. Over time it has actually all but ceased my excessive sweating. (I'd read this could happen but was not a believer until it actually happened to me). Anyways, if you haven't tried it I would suggest checking it out. It really saved me.
(Should also mention that for a while applying the deodorant was not a pleasant experience. It often burned. Over time though this totally faded as a side effect too. Power through it - I don't think you'll regret it)

been there with my wife - cutting toxic mom out of her and our life was the best thing she ever did.

also check this out: http://www.amazon.com/Will-Ever-Good-Enough-Narcissistic/dp/1439129436

If you haven't already, you might be interested in Lean In, which touches on several of the issues you've mentioned (including crying at work) and is just a great book in general.

I've had the same issue for several years and have had some success with this product: http://www.amazon.com/Maxim-Prescription-Strength-Antiperspirant-Deodorant/dp/B0014DQLN2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1406427878&sr=8-1&keywords=maxim

For a long time, I didn't think of myself as a feminist. I thought of myself as utilitarian. I wanted people to be equal in the realm of opportunities.

I did a lot of things that lead to me being a "feminist." Honestly, part of it was reddit. I was so tired of seeing people be sexist because it's the status quo.

But I did a lot of other things, too. I lived abroad. I read a lot of books. I took some sociology classes. I learned about implicit bias, institutional sexism, and gender norms.

It made me realize that a lot of the problems I've brushed off are real problems. Gender norms hurt both sides. Men being told to "man up" and not to "throw like a girl" as hurtful. Men being told they should enjoy it when coerced into sex is fucking stupid. To me, as long as we're defined by the gender roles we're "supposed" to play, we will never live up to the true strength of our community or economy. Like any team, we're only at our best when we work together.

Also, no matter the stance you decide on for feminist, I really suggest reading Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg, who talks about why "feminism" is the new "F-word." I think she lays out a very pragmatic view to both feminism and women in the workplace. The big section on Feminism starts on page 141. (Also, if you're thinking about going into a career, the book is probably my top recommendation to new college grads.)

This is what they gave my kid, and I think it's a good book, no pejorative, information that is up to day, starts with the basics. Don't be ashamed because you are learning a little late - you are learning facts, and that's the most important thing.

https://www.amazon.com/Whats-Happening-Girls-Revised-Third/dp/1557047685

> because she rarely said I love you in my language.

Five love languages book.

Have you tried going to therapy? If you can't afford it, consider checking out this book or another like it.

The salon you go to should have specific products to exfoliate. However, the one I've had recommended to me the most is Tend Skin it works really well at preventing ingrown hairs.

you should read 'Backlash' by susan faludi...it was written in the late 80's but it still applies even today, which is incredibly disturbing to me...it's basically about how whenever women as a whole make even a tiny step forward, there is a huge backlash from mainstream media to put us "back in our place". really really interesting read.

Er, actually, they are cheap if you get them in bulk. (50-pack, 60.)

And yes, there's very little difference; they're FDA-regulated. The main thing is that some are a little bit more sensitive, which can give you a few more days warning, but also more false alarms.

You can also get combo packs of ovulation and pregnancy detection, but some people think that takes some of the fun out of it.

Ever notice that these dumb trend pieces are about educated (largely) white people in Manhattan, the wealthy burbs, and the trendy neighborhoods of Brooklyn? Ever wonder why they don't mention, um, black cashiers at drugstores or Staten Island butchers?

The readers of a publication like to read about their own social set. Advertisers know this, and publishers know this. As for the gender essentialist lessons the crop up in these pieces, I dunno. Susan Faludi has a chapter or so about this in Backlash being deliberate back in the 1980s. Perhaps we're in the 1980s all over again.

I totally get it. I’m in Texas and it’s not super easy here either (but not NEARLY as restrictive as these morons are trying to make it now). There’s a ridiculously slim chance I’ll get pregnant again, but I still take a test every 3ish weeks, just in case. Especially because I skip my sugar pills to avoid having a period.
try these. 25 for under $10 I used them when actually TRYING to conceive and got a positive at like 9 days post ovulation, 4 days before I even missed a period. They’re what most doctors offices use.

Hey dude, I'm really sorry to hear about what happened to your wife. I am in a similar situation--I'm a guy, my girlfriend was raped almost six years ago and we started dating about 2 years ago. She's come a long way, but I think we really started making even more progress when I read this book by Wendy Maltz called The Sexual Healing Journey:

http://www.amazon.com/Sexual-Healing-Journey-Guide-Survivors/dp/0062130730/

I hadn't seen it mentioned in the comments yet. The book has a ton of testimonials about people who have gone through different kinds of sexual abuse. Your wife might want to eventually read it and go through the exercises herself, but my understanding is that it takes a fair amount of time (a year or more since the abuse) to be strong enough to go through it.

Reading through this book really helped me to see what it's like to go through something like that and empathize with what she might be feeling. You get to understand different ways that you as a partner might be able to assist her. It should be required reading for anyone with a partner who has gone through any sort of sexual abuse.

You should get her The Paper Bag Princess.

You can buy a product called color oops to remove the dye. Most drugstores sell it.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0012JY4G4/ref=redir_mdp_mobile/180-7381760-6285053

The book Backlash describes how that came to happen.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Love-Languages-Secret-Lasts/dp/0802473156

Second this! Used for $4.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0002YUX8I/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1500313282&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=security+door+stopper

THIS. TRY THIS.

It's so worth it. It's change my life, and the lives of two of my guy friends who sweat through clothes when it's 30 degrees out.

Edit: this is totally normal. I get it really bad after sex.

Always use a sharp razor, shaving gel instead of soap, and after you dry off, use Tend Skin (which you can get at Sephora in the US and Shoppers Drug Mart in Canada) or another aftershave type solution (although I personally love TS).

Edit: I should clarify that Tend Skin doesn't prevent stubble, but it helps get rid of red bumps and ingrown hairs and stuff. Also, this might sound dumb, but... can you tan your armpits? Either in the sun or with fake tanner (I use this one)? If your skin isn't so pale there, it might hide the "stubble" a little better.

And you merely read the first paragraph of each of those articles, looking for the first thing to twist and spit back to me, so I won't bother responding past this.

If you are interested in learning more about how these viewpoints affect women, look in to Gender essentialism (edit: a second resource which makes no mention of feminism, if you like), which is the essence (heh) of this guy's manifesto (and is, in general, a textboook example of biological determinism, since the primary claims involve "women are biologically like X, so we shouldn't be concerned about their position in society or the workplace, it's obviously just biology, no real problem here!"). On the topic of gender essentialism in modern pop-science, I'd suggest reading this book.

I don't know if this is good advice, but one of the episodes in this series has has advice A Girl's Guide To 21st Century Sex: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL1Epl7g8pJX1DbnT5k9RdtDnlv1H8oTUh

There's also a whole book on it https://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260%3FSubscriptionId%3DAKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q%26tag%3Dduckduckgo-d-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0060538260

It appears to give me vaginal thrush do I avoid it.

I suggest this book: https://www.amazon.ca/Sexual-Healing-Journey-Guide-Survivors/dp/0062130730 on mobile do not sure if the link will go through right.

Title is The Sexual Healing Journey, by Wendy Maltz.

A quick and dirty suggestion I have based on reading that book is to try different positions fully clothed, with no expectations and the ability to stop any time. Then build up to fewer and fewer pieces of clothing, eventually trying sex.

Tend Skin, use it after you shave. No ingrown, no irritation.
http://www.amazon.com/Tend-Skin-Solution-Unsightly-Ingrown/dp/B001ECQ7G4/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1451234700&sr=8-1&keywords=tend+skin+16oz

Hmm...well, therapy was an enormous help for me. But I know not everyone has insurance that covers it. I also dealt with severe physical abuse, so maybe the books I read won't work for you.

However...I recommend this:
http://www.amazon.com/Trapped-Mirror-Children-Narcissists-Struggle/dp/0688140718

http://www.amazon.com/dp/1439129436/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_2/175-5751338-3289757?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&pf_rd_r=1SHX5JYKVB1D1XTKMJZM&pf_rd_t=201&pf_rd_p=1944687542&pf_rd_i=0688140718

http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Emotionally-Immature-Parents/dp/1626251703/ref=pd_sim_14_4?ie=UTF8&dpID=51p3IsmSqxL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_AC_UL160_SR107%2C160_&refRID=0GAX75MV0QW96MAX79QS

These are not books I have read. The one I did read was "Adult Children of Abusive Parents". http://www.amazon.com/Adult-Children-Abusive-Parents-Emotionally/dp/0345363884

That covers a lot of narcissistic issues as well, so while abuse doesn't seem to be an issue (although, when you do your soul-searching, you might uncover some truths that your parents maybe were emotionally abusive to you) it could be a very helpful book.

On those links on Amazon, if you scroll down it will show you similar books. Peruse them. Some are crap, others are very good. In every book, there will be info you will disagree with, or info that does not apply to you. That's ok. Focus on the info that resonates with you and applies to you.

And I warn you, it might be a painful experience, and things that happened a long time ago that did not make sense at the time, may suddenly make sense now that you can see their motivation behind their actions.

Best of all, however, is if you follow through, do the soul searching and most importantly, establish and stick with parameters that are right for you (and nobody else can say what is right for you) you will feel liberated. The guilt will be gone. You'll be able to throw off this huge weight you've been burdened with for so long that you likely don't even realize you've been carrying this stress around. I can tell just by what little you have shared that you harbor extreme guilt and worry that you are doing the 'wrong' thing and owe them more and are not being fair to your parents. All of which reflects that they have been very successful at emotionally manipulating you for their very selfish, narcissistic reasons.

Hope this helps!

Edit: I re-read your question of "what can you do" for the feeling bad that breaking away from your parents brings?

Time. Time, and sticking to your guns. I remember the first time I informed my parents of certain parameters by writing to them. I was ready to go out and buy a nice card, and my friend stopped me and said simply use a page of regular binder paper. I felt like I was committing some crime. As time passed and the initial shock was over, I slowly realized that placing parameters and refusing to allow myself to be emotionally manipulated was wonderful! You will stop feeling guilty and 'bad'. You will think, 'why did I not do this earlier'? You will develop confidence and realize you are doing the absolute right, moral and correct thing.

And, you may be sad and hurt, and even angry that your parents did what they did for so long.

So, be kind to yourself, accept that this is a process that won't change over night, and trust the process.

Asking for a lock isn't unreasonable. But is OP afraid of having her personal affects stolen or is she afraid of being attacked?

If she's afraid of attack, this is what she needs.

Oh, I see. I'm glad to hear he's gotten better!

I'm sad to hear his insurance doesn't cover it. Makes me grateful to live in a country where we have more or less free health care...

I have a tip which won't cost a penny: Borrowing self-help books at the library and/or looking into some websites with suggestions on how to understand himself and rationalize anxiety disordes like OCD. As far as I've heard, there's a lot that can be done with just your own effort as well as with the support of a signifigcant other. Regrettably, I don't know any good books on the subject, but I imagine they'd easy to find (reading reviews on Amazon, for instance). The only book I know of which I have myself and which is quite good is "Feeling Good". It covers negative thoughts well as catastrophe thoughts, and has a lot of practical assignments. As far as I understand, OCD is an expression/a type of catastrophe anxiety ("I have to check the stove/plugs/wash my hands 123 times to get rid of bacteria ... Or else I will, in the worst case, die or at least end up badly damaged/see my loved ones suffer that fate").

I've realized that a lot of my own OCD/anxiety thoughts stem from my childhood, mostly both my mother and grandmother (who both suffer and suffered from sever anxiety) more or less brainwashing me into thinking that mostly everything is very dangerous. If your husband hasn't looked into his childhood for possible reasons for his OCD, I highly recommend it. I have another friend with severe OCD, and sadly, his treatments are mostly very short-term, seeing as the sessions mostly consist of him and the therapist touching the sink, the toilet etcetera to "prove" that it's not dangerous -- instead of discussing why he is so afraid of bacteria, and what he thinks will happen if he touches bacteria ("Catch HIV [and die]," he's told me himself), and what these fears are rooted in before learning how to rationalize them.

Incidentally, both my friend's mother and father are extreme worriers who will text him a lot when he's here ("Did you there all right? When are you coming home?" (This was when he lived at home, but he recently got his own place (He's 28). His parents live 5 minutes away, though, and visit him constantly...))

Sorry for the long rant, this (reasons for OCD and the treatment people get) is something that's been rattling in my mind forever, and I haven't had a chance to put my thought into words until now.