(Part 2) Top products from r/askwomenadvice

Hey Amber! I'm 26 too and have been happily single for almost 3 years. It took me a while to get to that point, and it took a full year of me being "intentionally single" (no dating, no pursuing anyone etc)to be comfortable with where I am!

I've tried my best to focus on spending time with my friends and family and doing exciting things with them. Seeing live music, going to nature spots/beaches, making food together, going out for drinks and dancing, planning activities, getting involved in the community, etc. I've spent extra care and time getting to know how wonderful non-romantic love can be, and this is extremely fulfilling! By enhancing my platonic relationships and making them closer, I feel less time and energy is spent on trying to attract romantic or sexual attention. I feel more loved than I did when I had a romantic partner.

Going to a therapist really helped me too, if that's something you have access to I would recommend it to anyone. Having an objective voice who can help you build your confidence is invaluable!

Working on growing and exploring your passions is also paramount to being intentionally or happily single. I read a lot, listen to tons of podcast and radio, love to travel, cook, try new foods, I got into doing aquafit and water aerobics, cannabis, and I spend a lot of time researching subjects that fascinate me and learning as much as I can about them. Keeping your mind busy and fully entrenched in things you care about, combined with trying new things, is how to kick-start your self growth.

Here are a couple of books that came to mind that have helped me open my mind about love, relationships and singleness and whatnot:

https://www.amazon.ca/All-About-Love-New-Visions/dp/0060959479/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=all+about+love&qid=1566177095&s=gateway&sr=8-1

https://www.amazon.ca/All-Single-Ladies-Unmarried-Independent/dp/1476716579/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=all+the+single+ladies&qid=1566177116&s=gateway&sr=8-1

good luck and enjoy :)

I would also recommend the book ‘Bobbi Brown: Teenage Beauty’ it is beautifully written for young girls and truly helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin during my pre-teen & teen years.

https://www.amazon.com/Bobbi-Brown-Teenage-Beauty-Everything/dp/0060957247

— ‘Your teen years are the most emotionally charged of your life. Your body's developing at a rapid pace, your skin changes from day to day, and your hormones are raging (in case you didn't notice). Everything in your life is in total flux. Bobbi's mission is to help boost your self-esteem and confidence. By listening to Bobbi's straightforward and useful beauty principles, you'll gain a sense of control over your body, your looks, and your life. Bobbi's hip, no-nonsense, and timeless advice covers such real teen problems and issues as:

Zits! - Being Overweight - Braces - Beauty School 101 Eight Simple Steps to a Pretty, Natural Makeup Look - Preteen Basics - Prom Beauty - Global Beauty - Mother-Daughter Beauty - Rock 'n' Roll Babes: Hip Beauty Style - Go for It: Experimental Beauty

Written with sensitivity to help you navigate the difficult self-image issues that you face, Bobbi Brown Teenage Beauty empowers you to discover and celebrate your own unique, natural beauty. This fresh and honest makeup guide is your ultimate source for advice, tips, and lessons for achieving beauty inside and out.’

PS: You’re during a really good job!

I had TERRIBLE PMDD. You described exactly how I was 3 weeks out of every month. The pill helped the cramping, but ultimately I think it caused the PMDD by screwing up my hormonal cycle. I now work with a neurochemical nutritional therapist, who has been a LIFESAVER (literally, cuz I was suicidal). She's put me on a diet of 120g protein per day, progesterone cream 15 days before my period to help hormone levels, and about $70/month worth of herbal/vitamin/mineral supplements. I HAPPILY spend the money because it helps so noticeably. I still have more "ups and downs" about a week before my period (like, my dog being super cute might make me slightly teary in joy), but no more suicidal/depressive thoughts.

There's a book on it (LINK TO THE MOOD CURE on amazon), but I found that I couldn't figure it out on my own with the book. The therapist did a series of quick tests and took quick action that made me feel WAY better.

Good luck. I know what you're going through is brutal. You're gonna get through this.

I don't trust people who make exaggerated claims like "I will never put her through that again" and "I hate myself everyday for doing it" and "I will never do it again." I would ask you to reflect on how you can improve yourself.

If you want to regain trust then you must build emotional intimacy and put real effort into learning more about infidelity and communication. Take action by planning dates, but more importantly play games that build intimacy such as the Ungame and Face to Face.

If you are committed to working through this as you claim then you should be expected to read books that will improve your relationship skills.

• Fidelity: How to Create a Loving Relationship That Lasts
• The Art of Communicating
• I Hear You: The Surprisingly Simple Skill Behind Extraordinary Relationships
• The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity

My favorite resource is thriveafterabuse.com. Dana has been through it herself and speaks in practical terms. She has a Youtube channel too. On the site there are support groups and reading lists.

Lisa Romano is also on Youtube and another good resource.

The books that really resonated for me when I realized what was going on were about self care. The Body Keeps the Score was very helpful. So was Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving.

It takes time. You will be ok. Take care!

Read this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Psycho-Cybernetics-Updated-Expanded-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0399176136

It’s about a plastic surgeon who discovered that some of his patients would still remain unhappy with themselves/ how they looked even after plastic surgery. He began to study the beliefs and thought patterns behind this.

I think it might be a good read for you. I hope you discover self love, because for some people plastic surgery does help them feel better about themselves and for other people, it does not.

You can also read in that book how people felt after getting plastic surgery that went “wrong” and how they dealt with the guilt of choosing a surgery that was supposed to help them look & feel better, but didn’t.

I think reading this book may help you feel better about yourself and help you discover self- insight

If he's not abusive, he's awfully close. People who have abusive tendencies like to jump into relationships full speed to sort of 'trap' their partner. He is jealous, he tracks your location, confronts you when you don't respond fast enough (uh, you're in class!) or when he can't see where you are in real time, he's clingy, he's demanding of your time, he doesn't trust you even though you show him your communications with friends...

Okay, he's abusive.

The excitement of a new relationship, especially when they're super into you, is a rush. It happens. Sometimes it fizzles out under the best of circumstances; this is not the best of circumstances by a long shot.

Someone does not need an actual reason to break up with someone. Sure, it's great to be able to give one and it's great to be able to get one. But you have a lot of reasons to move on and move on fast before he escalates. BTW, there's a good chance he will be very angry if (hopefully when) you break up with him. Make sure friends are close by (don't let him know this) or do it in a very public area. Carry pepper spray if you must. If he has a key to your place, change the locks. Change your passcode on your phone or any password he knows. Delete/block him on all social media. If you do all this before you break up, he'll get suspicious. Write down a list of what you need to do so you don't forget. Then break up and take care of these things ASAP.

​

https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/abuse-defined/

https://www.amazon.com/Gift-Fear-Survival-Signals-Violence/dp/0440226198

https://www.amazon.com/Why-Does-He-That-Controlling/dp/0425191656

I'm not sure I can answer your question, but I feel like reading Lean In is a good start to figuring out what approach works for you.

A Goodreads search for books similar to Lean In led to this list, which may also be helpful.

The Imposter Syndrome is real, and has damaging consequences...boosting confidence is one way to move past it, and one thing you can do right now is watch Amy Cuddy's TED talk. It's powerful (and based on a lot of research).

For every kind of skill there are generally two kinds of people. Those who can do it naturally and those who must learn. And those who must learn are generally better at teaching that skill than naturals who didn't need to learn. Your friends sound like naturals.

This book is written for men who need to learn how to communicate with women:

How to Succeed with Women
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0735204357/

Back more than a decade ago I learned a lot of the basics from a book called "Beauty" by Bobbi Brown and then later I filled in a lot of the gaps with YouTube tutorials.

https://www.amazon.com/Bobbi-Brown-Beauty/dp/0060929766

That said you don't have to wear makeup all the time to look awesome. I'm 30 and I wear makeup maybe once a week and a full face of makeup maybe once a month. Looking good is more about hair and clothes than makeup for me.

You should read a book though. this book is excellent start

I'd say that before you can talk honestly about sex you have to have a talk about how she feels about sex. Did she have a very conservative upbringing that she was revolting against when you first started dating? Perhaps you could research some books that you could read together to open the conversation?

Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships https://www.amazon.com/dp/055338449X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_b3-TBbZSNZJTF

> Does anyone else have this problem? How do you put this out of your mind, or what can you tell me to help me stop poisoning my mind and relationship?

Therapy and/or positive thinking.

/r/mindfulness

/r/meditation

/r/buddhism

Self-help books eg Peace is Every Step, The Power of Now

Check out the love letters between John Keats and Fanny Brawne - www.amazon.co.uk/Bright-Star-Letters-Poems-Brawne/dp/0143117742
Tragic story, he died at 25 years old and she denied any romantic attachment to avoid scandal. The letters are lovely though!!

https://www.amazon.com/Passionate-Marriage-Intimacy-Committed-Relationships/dp/0393334279/ref=sr_1_3?gclid=CjwKCAiAh5_uBRA5EiwASW3IagQz_NMqwYYImXHlcQWInDRqnRg48T18-8p9cUKL0pPwWKzEH0OR6BoCB7EQAvD_BwE&hvadid=174232210495&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=9003022&hvnetw=g&hvpos=1t1&hvqmt=e&hvrand=3618508962192455158&hvtargid=kwd-2744782865&hydadcr=24630_9648900&keywords=passionate+marriage+book&qid=1573384734&sr=8-3

Your problem is SOOO common. The tired, low energy situation can be very real. And yet have absolutely nothing to do with the problem.

You do not want to look at the backside of decades and say this is my life? I would seek therapy NOW, not wait until you are ready to walk out the door. Unless you are ready to walk out the door. Either way, face this. No matter what the thing looks like, face it. There are two many people who live in sexual poverty. I could write a book on what I think the cultural influences to this are. But that won't help YOU.

This book covers some heavy topics, but it's relevant and explains a lot of what you're going through. It also explains why people who have had one abusive relationship end up in more abusive relationships. This book provides some tools to help you work through your trauma (ideally with a qualified therapist) and help you from getting into a cycle of abusive relationships.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1558745262/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1

If he tries to hurt you again, report him to the police.