(Part 3) Top products from r/hsp

>If I could stay home all of the time, I'd have PLENTY to do. I would have so much time and energy... I could go to the gym regularly, clean my house regularly, start my huge backlog of games/books/tv shows, learn how to do so many hobbies: drawing, painting, web design, writing, creating music, and more. I could volunteer at animal shelters and be surrounded by the things that I love.
>Why can't I do these things now?

Oh man, I have SO felt the same way. And the thing is, you can do those things, it just may take some time to transition into a lifestyle that you find more fulfilling.

My goal after working a 9-to-5 and realizing it just didn't agree with me (normally people would think that sounds entitled, but as HSPs I think you guys know exactly what I mean!) was to find a way to make a more sustainable life for myself, which meant becoming self-employed. Is the IT work you do something you can do from home for different clients as a contractor? If so, that would mean flexible hours (or at least more so), giving you the freedom to volunteer at an animal shelter and pursue your happy-place hobbies so your life doesn't feel so meaningless.

You can do it. You can have whatever life you want, if you have the skills that can afford you more independence and the determination to make a big change. Not sure of your gender, but this book is great for women who, like me, wanted to escape the rat race (could be applied to dudes too, I think). Sometimes just making the promise to yourself to take a leap, even if it takes months or even years to put it into practice, can rev up your motivation, since you'll be thinking about what you truly want and how to make it happen.

TM has also been a huge boon in my life. It's an energy recharge twice a day and has helped with my anxiety. Might be worth checking out!

Keep us posted! We're rooting for you! :)

Maybe the crying stems from being overwhelmed by your emotions and thus a bit too carried away.
I use several techniques to help me not get "up there" too much. Focusing on my breathing can be one of them, paying attention to my posture is another, directing my attention to body parts (especially the feet) and bodily sensations... I use several, but the general purpose is to re-ground myself.

Another explanation could be that you are unable to express your feelings in a way that would be satisfying to you (or maybe even that you are judging yourself for your feelings).
You could look into NonViolent Communication (this is a nice introduction), I found it to be a great tool to learn self-compassion and expression.

Good luck out there, I bet you are a beautiful person.

I've had this kind of thing before too. At first I thought I was sensing the future somehow, but after learning I'm HSP, and empathic, I now realize I easily pick up other people's "stuff"--what they think, feel, and want--though it doesn't come labeled as someone else's, so it's hard to tell whose it is. I also tend to be passive, so what the other person wants often does come to pass--makes it seem like I foresaw it, but actually I just felt their desire long before they made their desire into reality.

I've found this ability comes with major drawbacks, and I went looking for ways to have better control over what I'm picking up and from whom. I found a rather woo-woo book for empaths called Become the Most Important Person in the Room and I have to say it's really helping.

As u/scippie implied, how much you pick up has a lot to do with how much attention you pay to someone and how much interest you have in them.

1. Get out of that relationship A.S.A.P. Like tomorrow. No excuses, no tapping into their energy field to console them, no regrets. You can do and will do better.
   
2. Set up energetic boundaries. You have a good, strong heart - keep it protected so it's useful for non-narcissistic folks.
   
3. Meditate. Separate your emotions from others'. Become attuned to what different things feel like. Enjoy nature A LOT.
   
4. Find the others. They'll be happy to finally meet you.

Have you tried any kind of mindfulness practice? Meditation, deep breathing, autogenic training, guided imagery, that sort of stuff? Doing these things regularly can sort of bring down your baseline level of anxiety, and then doing something like deep breathing in the moment can help calm you down when you're having anxiety.

That time when you're alone for a while would be an excellent time to do some meditating. If you'd like some resources for how to meditate, let me know and I'll dig some up. :)

A good deep breathing technique is to just close your eyes, breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds, then breathe out through your mouth for 8 seconds, focusing your attention on the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body. Some people find it helpful to have words they think of while breathing, like I say "here" while breathing in and "now" while breathing out.

You can find videos on YouTube for guided meditations, autogenic training, or guided imagery.

Also, how about ear plugs, like these?

Great post... I agree with almost everything you wrote, and your conclusion: Having a great inner life, cultivating yourself, etc. Our problem with relationships is that we don't understand the "games" 80% of men/women play in our culture. I find HSPs are generally good in most areas, once they discover and embrace their traits; however, HSP men (I can speak only of my experience) have a highly unrealistic, romanticized notion of finding "the one" or a "soul mate", putting women an pedestals, etc... Those are just beliefs that don't match with reality/biology. It sucks to realize this, but it's true... I talk about this in my latest video (see comment somewhere in this thread). Don't give up or get cynical. Align your life paradigm up with reality. For example, you wrote "Many of the things i did weren't for myself but for her sake" ...it seems counter-intuitive, but this is actually not wise. You give your power away, and in so doing, most women actually lose respect for you. Haven't you seen situation where a guy treats a woman like shit, but she can't leave him? The relationship is all about him, but she will not leave...even when guys like us are right there, willing to be in relationship. Now, I'm not saying it's ok to treat women (or anyone) like shit, but what is that dynamic? Why does it work the way it does? Why are nice guys ALWAYS in the "friendzone"? We have incorrect beliefs about male/female interaction. In fact, reality is 180 degrees different than what you were taught/learned growing up. Don't even think about dating until you read the following book. It will change your life in the area of relationships and self-empowerment...

The Rational Male: Rollo Tomassi
https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862

I had to log in to respond to this. I have a similar issue with noise, I live in NYC and the subways can be unbearable sometimes. I now walk around with earplugs, and I've found these to be awesome too. https://www.amazon.com/Radians-CEP001-R-Custom-Molded-Earplugs/dp/B002XULPSQ/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=custom+earplugs&qid=1562964521&s=gateway&sr=8-3Maybe poke a tiny pin prick in them to allow air to ciculate and not create pressure on your eardrum when walking. You'll still get the dampening they provide and it could make all the difference.

You can get tan colored ones that blend in with your skin color (provided you match the tan color that is). People don't seem to GAF what I look like when I wear normal buds that stick out. These ones can sit more flush with your ear and no one will notice.

I have to say, walking around when I need these has been an amazing help with living stable. It's basically body armor for your ears.

I recently bought these fruit of the loom bras on amazon. Originally for just wearing around the house, but they are super comfy and flattering and I wear them all the time now.

I’ve also gotten one similar to the one you linked at target. They have bralettes like that.

you’re welcome this might be a good read for you

I would work on enjoying your time alone and if you’re bored figure out what would change that or what you would rather go do learn to separate your emotions and desires from the status quo around you your satisfaction goes deeply beyond whatever group of people you are in

maybe work on how you present yourself too conversationally online etc I think the things you like are what a lot of people like and I don’t see stigma unless you’re some forever alone gamer nerd

also be careful of how you talk about yourself and your circumstances language like disgust me, people are fake, whatever else of this defeatist attitude seeps out can be a real turn off and you want to be as authentic but also as attractive as possible (especially since you have such little dating experience)

meetup is a website for groups of people with shared interests to have a meetup about that and get to know new people

Here I go writing a huge wall of advice when you just needed to vent. Anyway, good luck and feel free to ignore the following paragraphs:

DISCLAIMER: I am not a psychologist or counselor.

It's really not that strange to imagine someone saying something to you, especially in a noisy place. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to invalidate your (or anyone's!) feelings, but I would like to suggest that perhaps there's more going on than the immediate situation, emotionally speaking.

Are you especially afraid of doing something wrong in public or of social awkwardness? (Or is there anything else about the situation that often triggers seemingly unusual fear/anger/frustration/etc?) I believe that this may not be just HSP, but also some kind of trauma. (Which tends to be a pretty good guess, because virtually everyone is traumatized in some way.)

In any case, I find that the best way to deal with these feelings is to not fight them or flee from them. If you can, try to embrace the feeling completely, go through it and see where it takes you. Try not to think too much, just let whatever comes come naturally. Be warned though, things could get much worse before they become better, but they always do.

A good question to ask yourself might be: "What's the worst thing that could happen [if people think I'm behaving odd/hallucinating]?" And the thing that comes to you might just be something awful from your childhood.

And I'm convinced the same goes for hearing voices. I found Eleanor Longden's TED talk on the subject quite enlightening. Basically she says that any voices you hear tend to represent repressed/unacknowledged emotions or needs. Were you alright? Did you just need someone to ask you that for some reason?

I can't really hope to teach you how to deal with traumas over the internet (assuming you actually need to). In my opinion Ingeborg Bosch's theory of Past Reality Integration offers the most practical and widely applicable set of tools to deal with these things on your own or with the help of a therapist.

I keep a space heater in my bathroom specifically for the getting out part. I turn it on right before getting in the shower. I installed a faucet that let's you set the temp knob separately from the on/off knob so once I find my ideal temp I can simply turn the knob on/off without having to adjust the temp every time. This faucet combined with the space heater makes for a pleasant showertime. When I get out, I towel off with a very soft bamboo fiber towel in front of the space heater as if it were a hand dryer, in this case a body dryer. The heater only runs for about 10-15mins per shower so it doesn't cost much to use it this way.

At some point I discovered earplugs, and now I wear them everywhere. I recommend these, they're super cheap and comfortable:

https://www.amazon.com/Howard-Leight-Visibility-Disposable-LL-1/dp/B0007XJOLG

Yoga helps when I do it, which sadly has not been all that often lately. Are you suggesting to the HSP that they go to a class? Like, in front of people? HSPs usually don't like exercising in front of people. I have never been to a class for that exact reason.

I started with this DVD and have some others in her series. They're very easy to follow & you learn the basics. But like californiabound said, you can't force someone to do something they don't want to do.

I love these - https://www.amazon.com/Uvex-Blocking-Computer-SCT-Orange-S1933X/dp/B000USRG90/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=orange+light+glasses&qid=1566905224&s=gateway&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&sr=8-5

Seconding the earplugs. I’ve used them every night for years, can’t sleep without them. These are the best https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001EPQ86A/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_KUcuDb61AE79G

I recently read a book called Attached. It was so helpful and understanding my attachment style and how to navigate it. I hope this helps.

This used to be me.

First, I went to therapy. Depending on your culture, that might be a talk therapist, a psychiatrist, a shaman, a healer, a reiki master, a Zen Buddhist master, a rabbi or priest, a talk therapy phone line, or even a counselor.

One thing I realized in therapy was that I had TONS of pent up anger and resentment. So, whenever I would get into a situation that would cause me more anxiety than usual(I had pretty bad anxiety), everything would come spilling out in tears.

Once I started working with my therapist on

• healthy ways of dealing with my anger and resentment
  
  
• along with using nonviolent communication techniques(which means going to a deeper level and figuring out "the needs behind any reaction or emotion and responding empathically, so ideally all parties involved in any type of dispute may find peace.")Book here.
  
  
• implementing positive self talk
  
  
• becoming ok with myself crying and letting go of the shame I'd been made to feel up to that point in regards to crying
  
  I began to see a huuuge improvement in how often I cried. It wasn't an overnight thing. It took a dedicated effort on my part to do the above things. During that time I also began to go through various therapy routes, some of which are mentioned there.
  
  I remember one specific coping mechanism whenever I was furious was to either a)get a bat and go to town on a pillow b) do something physical like chop wood c) go out into the car with the windows up and scream.
  
  I hope this helps you in some way!