(Part 2) Top products from r/needadvice

> I want to have someone and just KNOW that they will always be there for me.

I found some clarity for this desire in examining my relationships with my few best friends. I found that they're the ones that will come at 3 A.M. if I need them to, and ask the right questions, and I know they're my best friends for this reason and because of our overall relationship dynamics. The thing I noticed that differentiated my relationship with these people and that with my best friend SO was that of expectation. I had an expectation that my SO would fulfill these needs (even though I knew that she probably wouldn't always be able to, because of her own issues), while I didn't have an expectation of my best friends. I knew they would support me, I didn't have to hope or expect they would. That expectation tends to lead to disappointment in a lot of types of relationships. People expect a person to behave in a way consistent with what they knew about a person, in the past, but forget that people are always changing, and that they need to be vigilantly observing the present, not expecting the past and future to be the same.

> I know that person is.. me. I'll always be there for myself. But somehow I can't give myself enough love and validation and I need to seek it from someone else.

So the question you should be pondering here is why? How's your relationship with your dad? (Family Guy reference, but it's actually completely valid) And your mom? There could be a lot of reasons that you're feeling inadequate and look elsewhere for fulfillment. That's the sort of understanding a counselor is perfect for guiding you through.

> I want to feel passionately about something that's not someone. I like sports. I like science. I like helping people. I love helping people. I like beautiful things. I like romance. All these things I like and do are so general, though.

What are your hobbies? Maybe you can find a new one that fits in your present schedule. It could be as simple as walking to the park a few times a week and sitting and meditating in the flowers. And I don't mean zen buddhist meditating, I mean whatever you need to do in your head at the time. Or quiet sitting. Maybe you can volunteer at a local shelter (pet shelter, human shelter?) and get some dog time and some helping others time. I don't know if your area has a botanical garden or good art museum, but those are the sorts of places I like to find beauty. I'm travelling now, and a surprising number of places have really gorgeous botanical gardens. And I just love seeing what other people think and create through art. General isn't bad. I can say I like programming, or I can say I like impeccably designed and thought out back ends that show useful content on a simple and pleasing front end (that I designed), because I like the nuance of doing things properly, the challenge, and the visual result that a good GUI (web page, program) presents. You like science. Maybe there's a local hackerspace you can go to to play around with things, make stuff, and do science with people.

> I can't have one because I'm a student living in an apartment with a no pet policy.

Most of the places I lived had a no pet policy as well, but I kept a cat for four years, including in the dorm at college. Small dogs and cats are easy to hide, as long as you're good about discipline and don't let them tear things up, or are able to fix/replace them when they do. But the volunteering at a shelter thing is probably better.

>Please make the days go by faster.

Finding that hobby or just exploring new things can help a lot with that.

I mentioned books above. Let's see if the internet works so I can find links to the couple I found a lot of help in. Awareness by Anthony DeMello is one that I recommend to people over and over. My best friend gave it to me during my hard times, and it totally changed how I was looking at .. not everything, but a whole lot of things. I gave it back and bought 2 copies so I'd always have one to give away and not expect back. He speaks a lot on self awareness, expectation, and what makes life work well, and harder. It's been a while since I read it or I'd give a better application idea.

The other I picked up as part of a set on recommendation of someone on reddit: If the Buddha Dated. The title's a bit.. odd, which I think is part of why it seemed interesting. I like a lot of Buddhist philosophy (and others.. eastern and western). The author is a quaker.. buddhist.. something. She explains well some of the self views and other views that lead to good relationships, getting relationships, etc. It's another one to change how you're looking at things and in that new viewpoint, look at where you've been going wrong, and hopefully fix things up. It's all about self awareness, and once you have that, you can do things that involve other-awareness even better.

> >I wrote a long thing here that I don't think would have helped.

> I wish you kept it here.

Let's see if I can remember it.

>my lengthy relationship ended.. Fuck I don't even know.. cat's 4.. or is she 5? add a year or so.. subtract 2 and a half.. Let's say the relationship ended about 3 years ago. I was in the middle of graduate school work, had no time, and still saw her almost daily for another year.

During that time, I reestablished relationships with my friends (I really only have a few close friends at a time). As part of dealing with things and figuring them out, I went out with my best friend to our favorite bar to talk and have a beer, almost every night (5+ nights a week). Ordinarily, it's bad to mix alcohol and depression. I think it was okay in this circumstance, because it was just a beer or two, time with my friend, socializing (which I didn't really do much of otherwise), figuring stuff out. Moderation. Also, the bar has 200-250 beers on tap, so it was a new beer every time. He went on internship, so I didn't see him for a while, and I ended up making good friends with my new upstairs neighbors (I lived alone with a cat in an apartment at this point--I moved in with another friend later). The contact with friends helped alleviate things a great deal, and gave me something to do out of the house (graduate work involved a little school and a lot of time alone).

The girl stopped talking to me (I'm not sure exactly why still, since she won't tell me), and then flipped the fuck out every time she saw me in a public place from then on. So eventually, the pain and anger changed to a bit of pity and amusement. It's just a little funny seeing someone have a serious hissy fit just from seeing you in the back corner of the bar you go to all the time, or at chipotle. Though she did vandalize my car, twice. That was a little annoying. One time was just water/ice down the windshield (below freezing, it froze on, obnoxious, but not harmful). The other I went to school to hang out with the (not a fraternity, but similar social group, few girls, computer people frat sorta) group I was a part of, and where I knew some friends. Also to meet the freshmen, I think. Her group (similar thing, photo people) was up the stairs one floor from mine. And who should I see but her, in one of the longer-staying members' rooms. I was helping someone move things up from the parking lot, so I passed them off, and stood outside the room to the side and looked the other way for a couple minutes. She was gone when I looked back, as I expected. But, I could hear her through the vents in the elevator lobby freaking out to the people upstairs "Why was he here? blah blah blah." Uh.. you're on my floor. Oh well. When I went outside, there was citronella oil poured down the back rear side panel of my car. Not damaging in particular on its own, but it doesn't really wash off easily (and I didn't really wash it), and the dirt + oil get down in the paint and don't come off.

Anyway, still funny. Annoying, etc. That's more than I wrote the first time, and it's a little different. I thought it was too depressive the first time. Dunno. Stuff changes, it gets funny. Just be glad if you don't have to see him every day. That makes things a whole lot more complicated.

> I really appreciate how lengthy this response was.

I wish the comment box was a little bigger so I could see more of what I'd written at a time. Works okay with RES though. Also welcome.

edit Oh hey, the edit box is way big--comment sized! Had to add in the beer justification bit about so many flavors. Forgot the first time, remembered in the shower, forgot once out of the shower, just remembered again.

Ultimately the decision of whether or not you want to get between your parents and brother, at the risk of your relationship to your parents is up to you.

No matter what please make sure your brother knows 100% you support him.

Even if you think he knows that, please tell him often that you love him, accept him, are so happy and proud of him, that you would love to go to any Pride stuff with him, and that he can always confide in you.

As for how to handle your parents, you could try finding churches in their area that are LGBT friendly. Perhaps you can call that church and explain the situation with your parents, and that you would like help with your mom.

Then you can tell your mom that you found a Priest or whatever at XYZ church who's willing to help counsel your family over this issue. Your mom might take advice better from someone who she feels is a spiritual authority, as far as actually changing her mind to be able to accept this.

You can also remind her of the Church's current views of homosexuality:

• “God made you like this and loves you like this.” https://www.theguardian.com/world/shortcuts/2018/may/21/the-pope-says-god-made-gay-people-just-as-we-should-be-heres-why-his-comments-matter
  
  
• “If someone is gay and he searches for the Lord and has good will, who am I to judge?” https://www.newwaysministry.org/2013/07/29/pope-francis-offers-respect-for-gay-priests-signaling-a-new-papal-direction/
  
  
• “Nobody spoke about homosexual marriage in the synod, it didn’t occur to us. What we spoke about was how a family that has a homosexual son or daughter, how can they educate him or her, how can they raise him or her, how can this family be helped to move forward in this situation which is a little unprecedented. So in the synod they spoke about the family and homosexual persons in relation to their families, because it is a reality that we encounter many times in the confessional. . .We have to find a way to help that father or that mother to stand by their son or daughter.” https://www.newwaysministry.org/2014/12/08/pope-speaks-of-parents-of-lgbts-as-video-series-examines-family-experiences/
  
  
• February 18, 2015: At the Ash Wednesday papal audience in St. Peter’s Square, a group of 50 LGBT and ally pilgrims from New Ways Ministry are given V.I.P. seating. https://www.newwaysministry.org/2015/02/19/new-ways-ministrys-lgbt-catholic-pilgrims-get-vip-seats-at-papal-audience/
  
  
• “His holiness is grateful for the thoughtful gesture and for the feelings which it evoked, hoping for an always more fruitful activity in the service of young generations and the spread of genuine human and Christian values.” on Little Egg, a book that features some LGBT characters https://people.com/celebrity/pope-francis-praises-gay-childrens-book-in-letter-to-author/
  
  
• “I would love to visit and talk to gay and lesbian people and please tell the gays to pray for me and I shall pray for them.” https://www.newwaysministry.org/2015/09/23/pope-francis-i-would-love-to-visit-and-talk-to-gay-and-lesbian-people/
  
  
• “On that occasion I said this: If a person is gay and seeks out the Lord and is willing, who am I to judge that person? I was paraphrasing by heart the Catechism of the Catholic Church where it says that these people should be treated with delicacy and not be marginalized. I am glad that we are talking about ‘homosexual people’ because before all else comes the individual person, in his wholeness and dignity. And people should not be defined only by their sexual tendencies: let us not forget that God loves all his creatures and we are destined to receive his infinite love. I prefer that homosexuals come to confession, that they stay close to the Lord, and that we pray all together. You can advise them to pray, show goodwill, show them the way, and accompany them along it.” From his new book The Name of God is Mercy https://www.amazon.com/Name-God-Mercy-Pope-Francis/dp/0399588639
  
  Basically if your mom wants to claim a moral high ground and reject your brother because of her Catholicism, she needs to fall in line with her religion's leader.

Read Malcom Gladwell's book, Outliers: The Story of Success.

Basically, he argues that people who are truly, exceptionally great musicians, artists, athletes, scientists, businesspeople, get there through three factors:

• Talent — Some people are just naturally predisposed toward intelligence, or creativity, or physical strength, or whatever. John Lennon and Paul McCartney were both extremely talented songwriters and musicians, and were likely born with innately creative minds.
  
  
• Opportunity — Some people are just in the right place at the right time, or are given certain advantages in life, like being born into a wealthy family, or growing up in a city with access to certain facilities or equipment or populations, etc. Let's be honest, Ringo Starr isn't the best drummer or singer in the world, but he was in the right place at the right time when John, Paul, and George needed a replacement drummer after Pete Best got kicked out of the band.
  
  
• Effort — Gladwell repeatedly references "The 10,000 rule," meaning most "experts" in a particular skill or field have put in at least ten thousand hours on the thing that they're good at. Before making it big, the Beatles spent 4 years performing small, live shows in Hamburg, Germany, over 1,200 times from 1960 to 1964, plus countless hours of practice between shows.
  
  All three factors are important, none of them exist in a vacuum, and none of them are guarantees of success. There were thousands of four-piece rock bands in the 60s, there were plenty of extremely talented singers and musicians, and plenty of bands played thousands of hours in garages and bars. Only a tiny handful of them ever became stars, and only one of them became the Beatles.
  
  *****
  
  But aside from the factors behind success, are you planning on playing guitar, or Street Fighter, or Magic the Gathering professionally? Or do you do those things because you enjoy them? If you're having fun doing things you love, what does it matter if you're the best at any one thing? There's something to be said for being well-rounded and having a variety of interests and skills.
  
  Not many people play games for a living, and not many musicians can pay the bills with their guitar. My advice? Find a profession you don't hate that pays well and isn't going to be automated out of existence in the next twenty years, get the education and training you need to succeed at that profession, and put in the time to make a career.
  
  Keep playing the guitar and fighting games and card games, and you'll naturally get better at those things. But don't base your happiness and self-worth on whether or not you're the best.

Art is something everyone loves, but artists are sometimes not held in the highest esteem due to eccentricities/lazy dispositions/delusions of grandeur/ etc. Some of the criticism is warranted and some of it isn't, but one thing I have come to realize it that being an artist is one of the hardest jobs around unless you are one of the 1/1,000,000 that just has that undeniable raw talent combined with some je ne sais quoi that people just gravitate towards and find irresistible.

For the rest of us, cultivation of our inner artist, practice, studying the past, learning from mistakes, and being honest with ourselves is important if we ever hope to progress. There are so many variables that play into this: what kind of art do you make? Is it for profit? Is it for self expression?

To make good art, you gotta become the artist that makes the art you love. You've probably heard the quote from Michelangelo, "I saw the angel in the marble and I carved until I set him free." in regards to his piece David, becoming the artist you are meant to be is a similar process. Sometimes it is about freeing yourself, finding yourself.

As a writer and a fashion designer, I sought education, I taught myself, I worked hard and practiced, I sought the advice of others...and I still wasn't able to properly express myself. At any moment, I felt like my heart could burst, nothing i did quenched my artistic thirst. Nothing was good enough.

I realized that my process was all wrong and that if an artists relies solely on their completed works, they will never find happiness. Something is always going to be left unsaid, no piece will every be finished perfectly, something to make it better will always be thought of later.

This book helped me tremendously r/https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-25th-Anniversary/dp/0143129252

It is a book that can teach you many things in regards to becoming the artist you want to be. It has themes that aren't for everyone (i'm not spiritual, and it does take it there at times) but they aren't overbearing and it is a little self-help-y. But anyway, I still recommend it as a tool to embracing your own work and growing as an artist. It is a 12 week program and has exercises to do and things like that.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Something struck me though--I'm going to guess that, so far, it's only your stuff he's broken, right? Not his own? That's one of the signs of an abuser. Many abusers start out wonderful and only gradually start showing their dark side. Many abusers were themselves abused as kids--it's part of the cycle.

I really wish I could wave a magic wand and make all the bad stuff go away and he'd stay the wonderful guy he started out as.

One of the best books I've ever read about abusers, why they're like that, and how to deal with them, is "Why Does He Do That?" (your local library probably has a copy of it).

It may not apply 100% to your boyfriend, as yours seems more driven by intense emotional pain and the overwhelming need to drug the pain away than by thoughs of getting revenge for what he suffered as a kid. But he's got too much anger in him.

His statement of "you're trying to control" me is one of the typical mindgames abusers play.

You can't help someone who doesn't want help. You can't change someone who doesn't want to change. I guess in his mind his past abuse is perfect justification for present misbehavior and self-destructiveness--and perfect justification for low self-esteem, another driver of the drugs and self-destruction.

All of this sounds really harsh. But abusers by definition play a lot of mind games not just with others but with themselves. And they always think it's perfectly okay for them to do whatever they're doing, no matter what anyone else thinks. And most abusers are usually extremely charming and easy to like in the beginning--they seem like the ideal romantic partner. That's the mask they put on to attract victims.

I don't know if that describes your boyfriend, but too many similarities.

I am really, really sorry this is happening to you. It's not just that you deserve better, but he deserves better, too--from himself.

He has to choose. Ask him if he wants help. Ask him if he wants to change. Ask him when he's sober and acting decent, not when he's fucked up. If he doesn't want to change or get help, there's nothing you can do except protect yourself. Leave him.

Sometimes they have to bottom out before they really seek out help. There is still hope. Craig Ferguson went through this himself, major alcohol problem, lots of pain...bottomed out and realized he would die if he didn't change. And he realized he wanted a different life and to be a better man. He did it. But it was he who made that choice. Nobody could do it for him. He couldn't even acknowledge he had a problem until he woke up on Christmas day homeless in a pool of urine having passed out the night before. But look at him now. Great guy, lots of class, on top of the world now.

There's hope, still.

Tell him, "Call me, when you decide you want to change, and you want help. Until then, so long--you were great until the drinking and drugs."

I've been getting through a book that touches on how our "minds" or will can change the physical structure of the brain, and has some discussion of this on people with OCD. (Check out the book: The Mind and The Brain) In this book, the people with OCD describe their experience as feeling like there is a part of them outside of the compulsion that sees the whole thing as illogical or silly, much like you do. This part of you is the "mindful observer". Point is, this is something you can work with if it is bothering you, and you may need someone to help you.

Seek out professional help if you think you need it, and read up on CBT and mindfulness. Research on mindfulness meditation (and the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) Class) and what I read in this book has convinced me that mindfulness work is worth a try and that people can make changes to their own behaviors. See article: MBSR alters grey matter EDIT: Here is a pdf of the actual research on MBSR: PDF

A good start are the books: Mindfulness in Plain English (free online!), and Peace is Every Step

I've taken the MBSR class myself and it has made a big difference in the way I deal with stress and the way I worry about things. Perhaps there is a class in your area? The above books reinforce a lot of what I learned in the class, and I find that when I keep up with mindfulness either formally or informally, it is a great help. The class is useful in that it helps you commit to activities that reduce stress and experience a variety of techniques (ex: sitting meditation, "body scanning", yoga, walking meditation, etc.)

Check out r/meditation or r/30daysit sometime, if you like. It is a little bit of work to learn it and keep a daily practice, I hope you find something that works for you! : )

I think it all comes down to your body language! other people in this thread have definitely touched on aspects of body language (and I agree with some of them)..

It's actually really hard to give you specific advice because we haven't seen you walk up to someone to see what your body is saying to that person. Maybe you are staring at their forehead, or you squint your eyes, or you don't have your entire body/belly button pointed toward them, or maybe it's something you unintentionally do with your hands or harms... who knows..

I like about 60-70% of the content of this book (don't follow the specific exercises in the book...I personally didn't find them useful):

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0307453987/

That 60-70% of the book is, in my mind, really helpful since it focuses on 7 specific body language items that not everyone does well.

And, I think it can be complemented well by this book:

http://www.amazon.com/dp/0061438294/

This book might help you identify when someone else is feeling uncomfortable so that you can modify or update your own body language to make them more comfortable.

There are many other books out there too so obviously don't feel limited by the ones I suggested.

I have been reading about body language lately and it has helped me to better navigate through new (or familiar) social settings better. I never realized how oblivious I was... and I like understanding how my own body language effects me and the people I meet.

Welcome to being the parent of a seven-year old boy. :)

My son is the same age, and does the same things. Arguing and defiance are developmental milestone. They are learning autonomy, they have begun to be able to think and problem solve for themselves in terms of time management and rules, but they haven't learned things like social decorum and appropriate times/ways to communicate. We bucket things into 3 categories with our son. Category A is things that are worth fighting over every. single. time. Going to school, safety issues - it's worth an argument or a fight or a potential meltdown. Category B are things that we want done, but they're not critical. Brushing teeth, bedtime, cleaning room etc. Category C - things we may want done but they're not worth fighting over.

For things in the second category, we encourage our son to offer compromises. He's learned that if I say, "I want you to clean your room now" but he wants to finish what he is engrossed in (He also has Aspergers, and consequently has a REALLY hard time shifting gears mentally), that he can offer an alternative, such as, "Can I finish this first?" I, in turn may either accept his first compromise or offer a new one. The key though is that we have to accept the compromise for behaviors in this category.

Category C is a little more fungible. Sometimes, I can tell that he's having a really tough time processing things, or is having sensory overload, and so I simply will choose to let him direct what he wants to do, as long as he communicates calmly.

We've worked through The Explosive Child with help from a therapist, and I found a lot of the techniques in there to be really helpful. It's made communication much easier with our son, and he argues a lot less.

She sounds very sweet, possibly a little hippie-esq? I highly suggest a pretty houseplant, some quality candles or even (if I may be so bold) the Little Book of Hygge -link below. It's a great little coffee table book on the art of relaxing in your space, was a huge hit and very popular.


https://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Hygge-Danish-Secrets/dp/0062658808

I'd recommend checking out the book The Depression Cure. There's a lot in here that can help with mental well-being whether depression, low self-esteem, confidence, or anxiety.

I saw a recommendation for Coursera which could be good. I would also recommend getting involved in something physical - a sport, game, or activity that can keep you busy. Best of luck, sounds like you're on the right track.

What kind of therapy have you had? It's hard to find a therapist and therapy philosophy that works with who you are.

May I say that the word "confront" is perhaps troubling. There's generally no reason to "confront" someone, from my understanding of the word. If you don't want to be confrontational, I'll suggest that there's no reason to be. Maybe one of us misunderstands the word.

If someone says something that you agree with, how do you deal with it? I'd suggest the same approach when you disagree. There's no reason to analyze what others do or say, whether it bothers you or not. My suggestion is to suggest that different people have different ideas and behaviors; instead of "assessing" it, instead of seeing it as a problem, you might consider accepting differences as a given.

Abruptly withdrawing from all interaction is not a social behavior, for example. It's a behavior that bothers others, do you see? I don't know you, so I can only guess, but my guess is that you're somewhere on the Asperger's scale. I'd recommend a visit to someone who can evaluate you and come up with some ideas.

I wish you the best. You can improve. Whether you are diagnosed with Asperger's or not, let me recommend "Look Me in the Eye" by John Elder Robison as an example of someone who seems similar to you and who figured out how to have conversations and other social interactions.

If you're looking for love, don't change yourself.

If you're looking to have fun etc. give this book a try: http://www.amazon.com/Art-Seduction-Robert-Greene/dp/0142001198

CS Lewis' "A Grief Observed" helped me deal with grief tremendously. Short but powerful book.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060652381/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_hvTzDbSB8KB8H

For a dry review (I'd skip this if you want to actually read the book as it contains spoilers): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zen_and_the_Art_of_Motorcycle_Maintenance

For more 'popular' reviews :
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Zen-Art-Motorcycle-Maintenance-Inquiry/dp/0099786400

read this

I'm guessing the neighbors won't be taking their dog for training, so they make anti-bark devices, some for the dog to wear, but others that work from 50ft away:

https://www.amazon.com/Zomma-Repellent-Adjustable-Ultrasonic-Deterrents/dp/B07X1GHWTP

First off, it's OK that this happens. 6 months isn't too late to have problems trying to end this (I know people who waited until their child was 2 years, which was a real mess).
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MY main advice - READ THIS BOOK (The No-Cry Sleep Solution) - http://www.amazon.com/The-No-Cry-Sleep-Solution-Through/dp/0071381392/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394037979&sr=8-1&keywords=baby+sleep
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You gave little detail so all I can say is read this book and go from there. Kids do not "perfect sleeping" until 12 months at the earliest (going to sleep without a peep, staying asleep throughout the night).
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ONE LAST COMMENT: A-OK to post this question here but you will get significantly more answers at /r/parenting

No problem. I really wasn't trying to be harsh, I was just trying to help out. See here.

I play drums in a band. If someone asked me if they should quit their relatively good job to go on tour with their band, I would tell them similar advice. You are stuck in a van with your band mates, eating shitty food, staying in shitty places, not getting showers as often as you'd like, and you have no extra money. You play the same songs over and over and have little time for writing (being creative).

edit: whoops, the Bourdain article I was thinking of was not in The Nasty Bits, it was in Medium Raw

Lucky for you, 2 of 4 sources are videos.

Article 1) The Strange Powers of the Placebo Effect - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfRVCaA5o18

Article 2) Initial Severity and Antidepressant Benefits: A Meta-Analysis of Data Submitted to the Food and Drug Administration - http://www.plosmedicine.org/article/info:doi/10.1371/journal.pmed.0050045


>Conclusion: Drug–placebo differences in antidepressant efficacy increase as a function of baseline severity, but are relatively small even for severely depressed patients. The relationship between initial severity and antidepressant efficacy is attributable to decreased responsiveness to placebo among very severely depressed patients, rather than to increased responsiveness to medication.
Ergo: Antidepressants are no more effective than placebo except in the most statistically extreme cases. In those cases, drugs do not perform better but placebo performs worse.

Article 3) Anatomy of an Epidemic: Magic Bullets, Psychiatric Drugs, and the Astonishing Rise of Mental Illness in America by Robert Whitaker - http://www.amazon.com/Anatomy-Epidemic-Bullets-Psychiatric-Astonishing/dp/0307452425

Article 4) RSA Animate - Changing Education Paradigms by Sir Ken Robinson http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDZFcDGpL4U&t=3m26s

IF you think I am a crazy loon, click article 4 first, and just watch.

You are welcome to talk to your doctor, but I suggest considering the possibility that their opinion is bought and paid for. They may not realize they are a pawn, and they may honestly believe they are helping you. In addition, understand there is little law requiring they stay up to date on modern studies after they receive their certification. You may be receiving information which has long since been disproven.

Your alternative option is to take the advice below. "Go see a medical doctor. There is no conspiracy." Because they clearly know what they are talking about, and I am a kook/crank. This could also serve as a lesson. Just because the majority of people believe something, mass approval does not equate with accuracy.