(Part 3) Top products from r/predaddit

Unfortunately you can do everything you can think of and she can still have PPD, but there are things that you can do to help. Knowing what's normal and expected by reading helpful books and evidence based research can help you both to know what to look for and feel more prepared which can help with postpartum stress. Making sure she has time and space to bond with the baby early and well can help her more connected to baby, more like a "good mum". Reassuring her in those early hours and days that she's doing well and that things are normal (normal is a pretty huge range of things). Sometimes having a few close people to help at home after birth is really beneficial to protect mum's space and time with the baby, but some people find that harder- feeling bad for not doing it on their own.
Don't feel like you or she have failed if either of you feel like you have no idea what you're doing or life is impossible or like you aren't as connected as you want to be. That first month is gonna be ridiculous and be overwhelming at times. It's OK. And get help from a professional if she needs it.

This book has helped me quite a lot, I also have his other book for the first year. I managed to get them both for $5 at Value Village. He has one more for toddler years as well. Lots of solid information plus it talks not just about her or the baby but also about you and your relationship.

http://www.amazon.com/The-Expectant-Father-Dads-Be/dp/0789205386

Enroll in a pre-natal class and go with her. My wife and I found one that was free and run by our community centre. I have learned so much and it has been so important to learn that EVERY pregnancy is different.

Understand that the best thing to do is hope and expect a happy healthy baby, anything beyond that is all a bonus. While you are supporting her, try to find time for yourself. Becoming a dad is stressful and exciting and you'll want to blow off steam.

Finally and most importantly, realise that no one really knows what they are doing and are fully prepared with their first child. This is a learning and growing experience. Have fun with it.

We aren't doing a push present, but I was just shopping for my wife's birthday and settled on these slippers. Alternatively, to go with the gaming theme, I just purchased this controller. It works with the Switch (and PC) and has an awesome d-pad. The same company makes more retro styled controllers but this one is brand new and felt great for old school Mario as well as some Monster Hunter World on PC. I literally got it yesterday, but I'm pretty happy with it so far.

The Birth Partner is a good one. It is aimed at the partner regardless of gender.

The Bradley Method is another good one and is more heteronormative (written with the heterosexual male husband as the primary audience).

We're a gay/trans couple, so both of these books are a bit of a mindfuck for us, but the information in them is great! I'm still looking for a book that provides all the necessary information without couching it in gender(roles/stereotypes) or mainstream relationships (almost all are written for married hetero couples). The problem with birth and parenting books is they are written in this weird way-- like in the second person with huge assumptions about the reader being written into the text.

I have an awesome intro to weightlifting book that assumes absolutely nothing about the life of the reader. It manages to provide excellent info about beginning barbell training for anybody who wants to learn it. I don't know why birth and parenting books can't be written the same way...

I am waiting on my gender scan to decide which book to buy, but there's an author named Louann Brizendine who wrote a book on the female brain and one on the male brain. You mentioned knowing how boys' minds work, so maybe reading her book on the female brain will help put you at ease.

Here is the link. Good luck, you'll do just fine!

So, my wife bought Le Petit Baby Book. I had a little leaf through it when it arrived, and it looks pretty neat. Not sure if she's spent much time actually filling it in yet, though, it looked to be more focused on post-birth?

I didn't get a guided journal. Just bought a nice leather-bound blank journal, not long after the first positive pregnancy test. I've been adding to it, oh, maybe once or twice a week. So far it's been a record of important milestones, like my wife telling me she was pregnant, the look the sonographer gave me when I cried at the 8 week ultrasound, how we broke the news to our families, the arguments that we've had about weird things, and her pregnancy cravings. I also write about what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling about impending dadhood, how I want to bring my kid up. And to some extent it's become a small look at what our lives were like before we became parents.

A while ago I also bought an instant camera, so the journal is starting to bulk out with photos taped to pages, as well as other mementos like cards and ticket stubs. Basically it's a hot mess, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

I'm only about 5 months into the experiment, but Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child has been useful. We checked a bunch of baby books from the library, and these were the only two that we ended up buying just to have on hand.

Thanks for the recommendations. I picked up The Baby owners manual per your recommendation. I've liked Heading Home With Your Newborn so far.
It's hard to find good Dad books. It seems that every one that I've looked at tries to be someones attempt at comedy. All I want is real, straightforward advice. Although the Manual looks great!

My wife and I looked at Mayo Clinic's Guide to healthy pregnancy. It was neat to look up what was going on on the given week. We also took a trip to Babies R' Us early on to get an appreciation of what we'll need, what we'll want, and how much everything will cost.

For after the baby comes out: The Happiest Baby on the Block and Mayo Clinic's Guide to Your Baby's First Year, also.

the baby book. my daughter is a week tomorrow. love this book, lots of great tips, great information for both partners. coming from a dad.


http://www.amazon.ca/Baby-Book-Revised-Everything-About/dp/0316198269/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374470043&sr=8-1&keywords=the+baby+book

I loved having the audiobook version of this. Narration was great and you still get a PDF w/ the Audible version that has various lists (what to pack in your hospital bag, for example) that you can print out.

My baby girl is due anytime this month, and I wish that his follow-up books had audio versions too.

Congratulations! I remember that... like... what do I do! Oh yeah! Jump up and down, kiss her, hug her... cry a little... and then realize have NO IDEA what to do next.

I found this hilarious and helpful. https://www.amazon.com/So-Youre-Going-Be-Dad/dp/1555612415

My wife got this book. It has recipes in it too, would probably give you some good ideas or inspiration.

What to Expect: Eating Well When You're Expecting

We've felt the same frustrations. There are a lot of BS pregnancy and parenting books out there.

We've found that The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy is quite good in terms of scientific approach, citing sources, and treating the reader like an adult. However, it's definitely written for people who have a college reading level and good scientific literacy. Sadly, that's a niche market in terms of American publishing.

We also like The Pregnancy Bible. Note that I think there's a newer edition now but I can't find it on Amazon.

IMO, the "What To Expect" series has degenerated into anxiety-inducing, cross-marketing ridden junk.

9 weeks here, and yep, it's hard not to be irrationally anxious. We've read plenty of sensible stuff, and we know that we are doing everything we can to play it safe; but it's still hard not to dwell on tiny little things.

My main advice, on thinking about it, is to try to de-stress by talking to someone about it - not your wife, necessarily - you don't want to add to her stress levels! But find a close friend, ideally one who has been through it before, and 'fess up and talk to them about it.

We've decided to tell a handful of people at this early stage, because really we value their support; and if we (heavens forbid) do lose the baby, we'll need their support anyway. We aren't telling people far and wide until after the week-12 scans; we don't want to have to un-tell people if things go wrong. But talking to a handful of close friends is the essential, IMHO.

And hang in there - it's terrifying to know that there's a 15-20% chance of miscarriage in the first trimester; those are way worse odds than for anything else you are likely to do! But also, those odds are mostly due to hormonal or biological factors - not to do with whether you used bug spray or ate the wrong food. I'm guessing there's a higher risk from worrying about bug spray, than from the bug spray itself.

If you want specific advice, as others say, avoid just googling. There are some good books out there - I'm really enjoying "Pregnancy for Men" for a lot of details for modern dads; also "Bumpology" for evidence-based scientific information about the real risks involved. I also hear good things about "Expecting Better" but haven't tried it yet.

Did a quick search in this sub to find:

This - which is hilarious

[Tim Russert's books](http://www.amazon.com/dp/1401359655 and [2] http://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Our-Fathers-Lessons-Daughters/dp/1400064805)

The Birth Partner

my boys can swim.

Pregnancy for Men.

The expectant Father:

Hapiest baby on the block

Practical Guide

Hah, these are quite different to our baby girls first books that we got at our baby shower!

My Dad Thinks he's funny

Quantum Physics for Baby

and Avocado Baby

I'm looking forward to reading our girl "My dad thinks he's funny", because my god I do all those things already.

You might like this then...

https://www.amazon.co.uk/I-Want-My-Hat-Back/dp/1406338532

I've been there. You have to realize that she's got a hurricane going on inside of her. Some people internalize it, some people externalize it, and it sounds like she is the former. It sucks. It's OK to be honest with her, but do so from a place of empathy for what she's going though (and with the knowledge that you can't possibly know what it's like for her). It's not that pregnancy gives someone a free pass to check out of their role in a relationship, but it can be scary as hell, and people deal with that kind of fear differently.


Talking to a therapist or counselor might well be your best bet here, because (a) you say you're experiencing depression, (b) you can vent without feeling like you're attacking your partner and (c) those feelings of fear and inadequacy about being a husband and father are things therapists have dealt with in other soon-to-be fathers, and they can definitely help you overcome them.


My situation may be very different from yours, but I definitely had some of the same fears you do. I once heard somebody say that childbirth is the most amazing thing that's happened to every single person on Earth. Fatherhood is the same. Just because your fears are common doesn't make them any less valid or painful. Talking to someone can help you get real context and understanding of them and keep you from making a decision in the moment that might have long-term consequences.


Once the baby is here, you might also check out And Baby Makes Three, which deals with how to maintain your relationship after the birth of a child. A good friend is a therapist and frequently recommends it to new parents.