(Part 3) Top products from r/askgaybros

1. God loves you unconditionally and gives more grace than we could ever deserve.
   
2. You aren't alone. I felt this exact way when I found out I was attracted to guys when I first started college.
   
3. Don't give into pressure to choose one side or the other right away or even soon. This is a process of learning and growth and it probably sucks right now, but lean into the tension. Coming out / being 100% confident of your sexuality really soon is something that is, in my opinion, overhyped. Take your time.
   
4. I don't know how much research you have done yet, but I would recuse yourself from your currently held position and take a stance of neutrality. It's important as a Christian to figure out why you believe what you believe. This can be hard to do, but see what the Side A (Affirming) crowd's arguments and experiences are. Take notes. Understand why they genuinely believe that they are not acting against God. See how and why they counter their opponents' arguments. Once you have fully done that (and by fully I mean take your time and do it for a few months), then look up the non-affirming (Side B, Y, and X) positions and do the same. Even if this doesn't help you come to a conclusion right away, this still is a healthy practice of understanding the why behind the what.
   
5. This process of testing the foundations of your beliefs is/should probably extend to issues beyond LGBT inclusion in the church. One main pillar behind any LGBT/church argument is a stance on if Scripture is inerrant or not / what does it mean for something to be "inspired by God" / Should we hold to the same values as people 2,000 years ago (we've already expanded / moved on some from that)?
   
6. Remember to take breaks from this. Be diligent, but don't let this pursuit of the truth consume you.
   
7. Find non-judgmental friends who won't try to preach at you and can support you in your time of discernment and beyond.
   
   If you would like to PM me and ask more questions, I'm always happy to help people who were where I was 4 years ago.
   
   ​
   
   Here are a few good Affirming (A) resources to start out with:
   
   Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-VS-Christians Debate by Justin Lee (A)
   
   God and the Gay Christian: The Biblical Case in Support of Same-Sex Relationships by Matthew Vines (A)
   
   Modern Kinship by David and Constantino Khalaf (A)
   
   Blue Babies Pink by Brett Trapp / B.T. Harmann (A)
   
   Bible, Gender, Sexuality: Reframing the Church's Debate on Same-Sex Relationships by James Brownson (A)
   
   Sex and the Single Savior: Gender and Sexuality in Biblical Interpretation by Dale Martin (A)
   
   Risking Grace, Loving Our Gay Family and Friends Like Jesus by Dave Jackson (A)
   
   ​
   
   I'm compiling a list of other good resources / bad ones (from all perspectives, not just ones I disagree with), so let me know if you're looking for something more specific.

Lots of straight guys enjoy ass play, it's not like only gay guys' prostates feel good after all.

The Aneros product line mentioned by /u/vanisaac is a good option, but I thought I'd give you some others as well.

• If money is no object, the Billy by Lelo has an excellent reputation, and Lelo's build quality and warranty are outstanding.
  
  
• The Pfun Plug by Njoy is another higher-price/higher quality toy that is extraordinary. As is the Pure Wand, which is not a plug, but is great for ass and prostate stimulation.
  
  
• The Naughty Boy and the Rude Boy, both by Rocks Off are perennial favorites among gay men.
  
  
• Fun Factory's B-Balls are super cool, and great for long term wear or wearing during play. Their Boosty plug is a bit intimidating looking, but isn't really all that big and is very comfortable, although some folk find getting it in a bit challenging the first few times.
  
  There are plenty more, but those are a few options to look through. They cover the price scale from about $35 dollars for the Fun Factory products all the way to $150 for Lelo's Billy. In all honestly, I'd be reluctant to use anything much cheaper than $35 in my own ass. All the products listed here (including the Aneros products) are made out of high grade, body-safe materials, whereas there are some seriously skeevy cheap sex toys out there made out of mystery rubber that can potentially cause a wide range of unpleasantness, particularly when we're talking about ass toys.

> What I struggle with is the fact that I don't like that he's gay. It's a feeling I don't really know how to describe. I guess in a way I feel embarrassed? I don't feel disgusted by the idea of it. Maybe I just find it a bit weird. It's something I don't understand. I get that it's not a choice though, which is why I would never verbalize any of these feelings to my son. I love him more than anything. I want him to love himself too.

>My kid is my world in so many ways. I worry for him constantly. I don't want to make anything harder for him that it has to be. I want to be a good dad. At this point I'm struggling a lot with how to be a good dad.



This is the part I want to address. It's very critical that your son feels like his home is his safe space, and his family is there to protect him. It's a cold, cruel world out there in general, and can be even more so for a gay kid. Especially since his mother is completely abdicating her role as a good parent, it is 100% up to you that your son feel like his home is his safe space, and there is unconditional love there.

What you wrote, you have to understand you are making this partially about you. It's important that this be about him, and how he feels. Gay kids face all kinds of obstacles, and as a result it's not at all infrequent that issues such as anxiety, depression and fear of abandonment deeply affect gay kids. You can't be worried at all about your own feelings here, and especially not what other people think. Who gives a rat's ass what other people think? This is all about getting your son to a healthy place, and he is ready and prepared to go out into the world on his own in a few years.

The best advice I can give you is to buy this book, The Family Heart, by Robb Forman Dew. This book goes all the way back to 1995, but it is the best book you can read about good parenting of a gay son. The author is the mother of a gay son, very much like yours, a teenage boy who didn't fit the stereotypes of a gay kid. Dew writes about the struggles of the family to come to terms with their son's sexuality, and to love him unconditionally. The Dew Family fought for their son's rights while in school, and as a family moved forward. This is what The New Yorker wrote about The Family Heart:

"At the heart of this memoir lies a true epiphany: the author's sudden, galvanizing awareness of the suicidal consequences of homophobia. It is a chilling moment, and it is described with a writer's eloquence and a mother's rage....Dew's intense imagination, combined with her ignorance of homosexuality, was as much a hindrance as a help, and it is to her credit that she has recorded the occasionally wacky assumptions and painful readjustments of her own odyssey with such care and humor."

Buy this book, and read it immediately. It won't take you more than 3 days to read. It will help you enormously in helping you become the excellent father your son needs now more than ever. Then, give your wife the book to read, insist that she read it. There is another book you can buy, and it's especially important for your wife to read. It's called Prayers For Bobby, A Mother's Coming to Terms with the Suicide of Her Gay Son. You can read Prayers for Bobby also, but it's especially critical for your wife to read. Parenting mistakes at this point, like the ones Mary Griffith made when her son Bobby came out, can have utterly tragic consequences, and your wife has already made some of those mistakes ! Make sure she reads both of these books, and discusses them extensively with you.

Good luck !

I've never tried it, but I've heard good things about the BAKblade: https://www.amazon.com/baKblades-BIGMOUTH--Yourself-Back-Shaver/dp/B00BPBLMCS/

​

Essentially it's a huge razor with a safety guard, so that you can easily and safely shave your own back when you're in the shower. There are plenty of positive reviews on Amazon. Here's a video promoting it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdJrU0HRVzY

this is a copy & paste from a comment I left a few weeks ago in this sub.
Everyone saying that daily fiber supplements will help you is correct, but some methods/types are much more effective than others. Capsules and powders (i.e. Metamucil) will help, but they do NOT work nearly as well as just taking a tablespoon of plain whole-husk psyllium fiber once or twice a day. I recommend this brand

I find that actual whole-husk psyllium fiber is not really of a consistency to be able to effectively "mix" it in with water/juice etc., so I usually like to mix mine in with yogurt or oatmeal. Coconut yogurt is my favorite to use, because the texture of the fiber makes it seem like shredded coconut flakes.

You sound like you have some serious cognitive dissonance going on right now.

Talking about it with the Internet is a great first step. It shows that you're looking for help and want to make a change. But /r/askgaybros is not going to be enough all by itself. You need to do some serious thinking and evaluate your three options for ending the dissonance: (1) to prioritize God over your own happiness, (2) to prioritize happiness over religious dogma, (3) to change your conception of God and/or your own gay identity so that they are no longer in conflict.

This will not be easy. None of those options will feel "authentic" or "right" at first. (1), in particular, has serious shortcomings and will probably endanger your long-term mental health. (2) is slightly less dangerous but will be very, very hard in the short term.

My advice: pursue (3) for now. Talk to a gay-affirming Christian therapist. Talk to your "this guy" with whom you're falling in love. Talk to your parents. And then listen. Notice how all of these people still love you and think you're valuable and loveable and a good person.

If you want a more Bible-based approach to (3), pick up one of the many, many books out there about homosexuality and the Bible. (I bought this one, about 4 years after when I most needed it.)

And of course, if you fail to find a way to let yourself be happy by pursuing (3), pick a point at which you'll cut your losses and choose (2).

Naughty boy

I have this one, and I love it. Good size, easy to clean and it vibrates. Definitely recommended

Every gay dude needs to eat a good diet if his lifestyle means he needs to care about being "ready", that's just a given, so eat tons of fiber and veggies.

The other thing, and this should be something you get when you pay your dues and get your membership card, is go to amazon and get one of these. Easy to use, gets the job done and in a couple mins you're just like Jodie Foster in Contact.

Good to go!

Bro on, bro.

There’s nothing wrong with being a slut. Pleasure is good and sex is good for you. I recommend this book about polyamory, the Ethical Slut.
https://www.amazon.com/Ethical-Slut-Practical-Relationships-Adventures/dp/1587613379

• Being "regular" - those activia type yogurts can help
  
• Good diet in general (no fried, oily food, and avoid "low fat" processed food which has weird oil substitutes)
  
• lots of water all day, everyday
  
• lots and lots of fiber (take a supplement twice a day - i love these and they work really well but are pretty overpriced.)
  
• wet wipes
  
• Know your body (if you're not feeling right then you're not on the market).
  

This will be your friend:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B002FCN7Y2/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1416806454&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX200_QL40

So many positions to try and you have plenty of time so give them all a shot! You'll find that some work better than others. Test them all...for science!

get yourself a cockring! something like this is super cheap, and my boyfriend and I are both fans of this weird looking oxballs thing.

Two legendary books about growing up gay:

The Best Little Boy In The World by John Reid

At Swim, Two Boys: A Novel by Jamie O'Neill

I have this nifty little thing called the bakblade. All u need is a mirror and you can take care of your back yourself! And the blades last forever!!!!!


EDIT: here's the bakblade https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00BPBLMCS/ref=mp_s_a_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1495414357&sr=8-1&keywords=bakblade

I heard great things about Pure for Men: Pure for Men - 120 Capsules https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00X0QQJJC/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_3C2LybH8RC1HY

If you just run out a lot, look into J-lube. It is actually for veterinary medicine, often recommended for anal play. You buy it as a concentrated powder to mix with water. One bottle makes 6-8 gallons of lube when reconstituted.

You may just need a device like this to get more lube up inside of you instead of most of it being applied at or just inside the opening of your anus.

http://www.amazon.com/Lube-Shooter-Lubricant-Delivery-Device/dp/B00132TBCM

As just mentioned in another thread use one of these and it'll make sure you're lubed up in all the right places: http://www.amazon.com/Lube-Shooter-Lubricant-Delivery-Device/dp/B00132TBCM

Note that if you buy the pill form the dossage is really low. Each pill is about 1.5% of your daily fiber need so you'd need to take literally a handful each day to have some noticeable effect. The loose form (that you mix in with water) seems to allow you to easily take a bigger dosage.

You have to wait at least 3 months after the encounter for most tests to work. However, you can order this on Amazon or at some pharmacies.

Oil is a no-no if you want to use condoms. There are more frugal lubes around than the normal drug store kind. You could order J-lube and have lube for a very long time without having to pay for it again.

I gave my mom this when I came out to her. I think it helped.

https://www.amazon.com/Best-Little-Boy-World-Anniversary/dp/0345381769

May I suggest some reading? Most of the "advice" you'll get here will try to talk you out of it.

I use the beard trimmer end

Being gay and being Christian are not mutually exclusive. You have some reading to do.

It's reddit, with a title that ambiguous you have to be prepared for these things. :P

On a more serious note, get one of those cheap disposable razor/trimmer combos and you can use the trimmer part if you don't want to shave or have the option of both. Advantages to trimmer part = no stubble, cheaper than clippers, reusable, and it's much harder to cut yourself than a razor. Also it's not all or nothing and you have more control over length of hair.

http://www.amazon.com/Gillette-Fusion-Proglide-Groomer-Trimmer/dp/B0062IWQVU

http://www.amazon.com/Schick-93002140-Quattro-Titanium-Trimmer/dp/B001MIZMRK

Try oxballs cock sling


Oxballs CockSling 2.0 - Black https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00FZ21MJG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_d0WzCb77HZSZR

Correct. The Bible has nothing to say about monogamous homosexuality. Even if you don't buy that, there's a lot of room to see Paul contextualizing his own education and his understanding of Jesus' teachings for a culture which engaged in Homosexuality as part of pagan worship, hence his admonishments of it. The homosexuality wasn't the problem, the abuse of power involved in Pederasty as part of temple worship was the problem.

Get these two Books and read them:

What the Bible Really Says about Homosexuality

Jesus, the Bible and Homosexuality

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000OSSUP0/

This is all you need (not necessarily this exact product, but psyllium husk in general). Do a couple spoonfuls in water once or twice a day. It's the same stuff as the capsules you linked, but if I did the math right, the capsules are $1.70/oz whereas the loose whole husks are $0.66/oz.

I had a similar problem for years and haven't had a bad hemorrhoid in about 2 years. Even when it does happen (rarely and I bottom like 5x a week for hours at a time. life is good.) following this advice they go away much quicker than the month+ it used to take and with minimal discomfort.

-First buy one of these this one linked will last indefinitely as opposed to some other brands. This will allow you to sit without aggravating it. You should also avoid sitting for a half hour after eating meals. Laying down flat on your back or walking around is the best position to be in to heal a hemorrhoid once its already there, but if you must sit (driving, reddit, etc.) do it on an inflatable donut.

-This is the big one: no creams or medications do anything to help, dont even try, they will probably just make it worse and at best be very uncomfortable. What helps then? submerge your lower half in water tub/pool/hottub/lake doesnt matter but this was my panacea in hemorrhoid treatment and it works wonders. Most doctors wont tell you about it because they like money and giving expensive painful surgeries and having you come in for regular visits (i.e $$$$). Save your time, ass, and money and get in a tub. This also works as a preventative measure, get in a tub or pool right after sex (and a quick rinse at least) for 10min or so and no more hemorrhoids.

Besides that, avoid straining on the toilet or sitting for too long, no texting while pooping. Do not wipe too much or too hard, once is enough and then go take a shower and rinse (A dip in the tub helps here too if you have the time). If your problem stems from difficult times pooping, Psyllium. A big spoonful before breakfast and dinner works wonders.

Your post struck a chord with me as I had a very hard time with this and spent too much time with an out-of-order ass and a sad boyfriend. The submerging in water came from internet research and I did not expect it to work (figured that if it were that easy why wouldnt a doctor have told me by then?) but it was the turn around for me as I had already been doing all the other stuff for months at that point. Doctors just want you to keep coming back so they can collect from the insurance companies (what happened to helping people IDK) and may even perform a procedure which you do not want trust me.

tl;dr- op, seriously just read it. submerge in water, dont wipe too much, dont sit too much

edit: Also I use an enema like 99% of the time before sex out of necessity and still do not get hemorrhoids following this advice.