(Part 2) Top products from r/sex

I just read your post and felt empathy for your situatiom. I've been in a similar one myself (I have a small penis and trouble with premature ejaculation). For a long time I thought that I couldnt pleasure women because of it, but I've since changed my mind and I am actually enjoying a trusting and fulfilling relationship right now.

The secret to this is quite simple: girls in general doesn't like to get fucked as much as porn or other men (who are educated through porn) would have is believe. What girls care about is one thing: connection. Trust me.

I'm going to take a wild guess here, but I believe that what you want is to give a woman pleasure. I'll say it again: pleasure. The ultimate way to affirm that you've given someone pleause is that she orgasms right? Now ask yourself: what is it that makes most women experience this pleasure?

Answer: oral sex in a safe and trusting environment that makes the woman feel appreciated and beautiful. This is what makes most women feel appreciated and once I realized it's actually true (by asking people what they enjoyed and reading up on it - see for example the Kinsey Report http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinsey_Reports and Masters and Johnson http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masters_and_Johnson) I decided to try the following:

• Put intimacy and pleasure first.
  
• Learn how to pleasure women orally by employing the techniques in "She Comes First": http://www.amazon.com/She-Comes-First-Thinking-Pleasuring/dp/0060538260
  
• Understanding what women actually like themselves by reading: "The New Male Sexuality": http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Sexuality-Revised-Edition/dp/0553380427
  
  I've tried this on several women since, and trust me - size queens and petite and shy women enjoy themselves tremendously and make sounds of ecstacy in bed with me. And it's my tounge and fingers that makes them come back and choose me over well hung alphas.
  
  TL;DR - The cock is inferior to the tounge in giving pleasure. If you do it right. Women are not cock-hungry beasts, men are the ones who perpetuate that myth.

I think glass vibrators exist somewhere, but I've never used them. I have 4 vibrators that are all made of silicone. I additionally have several dildos (3 silicone ones and 1 glass one) and a couple of butt toys, a thigh harness and some wrist restraints. Here is a review I wrote on my favorite glass toy. If you want to buy the toy here is a good deal on it.

Some other toys I can recommend are listed below:

The Lelo Gigi Relevant review. This is by FAR my favorite vibrator for masturbation. It gives me intensely powerful orgasms that last for ridiculous amounts of time.

The Lelo Siri. This is my favorite vibrator to use with a partner. It fits perfectly in the hand and its small size makes it a perfect fit between bodies in all positions.

The Couture Collection Inspire. This toy is the most powerful vibrator I've ever seen and its very similar to the Hitachi Magic wand only smaller and more adjustable. Its often too much for me and I can only use it on the low setting but its a great toy. This toy is amazing for anyone who needs a lot of power. My roommate is on SSRI's and has difficultly reaching orgasm but this toy gets her there everytime. Here is my roommate's review on the toy.

Fun Factory Angelo. This is my newest vibrator and its a new favorite of mine. Its very versatile, works great for solo and for partnered sex. I bought it mainly because I love the feel and quality of Fun Factory toys and I wanted something waterproof since my Lelo toys are not waterproof.

Anyway, those are my basic recommendations. Some companies that consistently make great products are Lelo, Fun Factory, Zini, Je Joue, and Vanity by Jopen.

Dear Stranger on the internet,

I think the question is a bit flawed, so it will be challenging for anyone to give you a satisfying answer. Is it normal to sleep with escorts? Sure. Is there anything inherently wrong with that? No, I don't think so. As a general rule, if an activity brings you satisfaction and doesn't cause any harm to yourself or others then it will be okay. I'll leave it at that because I think others here have already expressed this general idea better.

What I really hope to do in this post is to pass on some advice, from one internet stranger to another.

1. Firstly. you are young. so so young. at 22, you're basically still a kid. (I'm only 25! and I also still think I'm a kid!) but even looking back on the past 3 years I recognize how much I have changed and how much my attitudes (particularly concerning relationships and sex) have changed and matured. The point being: You're circumstances will change, and you will change in response. If you feel discouraged or disheartened by the way things are now then I want to remind you that you have a lot of life left to live :). Don't be too hard on yourself buddy.
   
   
2. Secondly, YOU have the power to change your circumstances. YOU have the power to change your attitudes. YOU have the power to change your outlook on life. Too often people get stuck in a rut and they lose sight of the crucial truth that there is virtually nothing in your life that can't be improved/developed/reassessed.
   
   
3. IF you take one thing away from my post, take this. Read Models by Mark Manson. It changed my life. the book is a mixture of a classic self-improvement book and a practical advice guide to interacting with women. But it is soooo much more than just that. Manson describes a healthy, comprehensive model for what true confidence actually is, and lays out some concrete steps that a person can take to get there. He argues that honesty should be the guiding principle in all aspects of ones life; be honest with yourself, your desires, and your interests. And express those things honestly to the world.
   
   That description doesn't do the book justice, but I would strongly recommend you read it. It is fantastic in more ways than I have time or energy to describe.
   
   I wish you luck and happiness in the future!
   
   

• Friendly internet stranger who read a book and thinks you should also read the book.

yw.

Learn more about the subject and talk to her about your ideas, concerns, and so on, as well as learn from her what she is interested in. You should talk to her about scenes, get her consent, and have a safe word. The info you need is presented nicely in a few books and of course you can find much more online.

This classic is a terrific read. It covers the basics of S&M, explains some of the psychology, teaches basic safety, offers tips, etc. It will help you understand kink better. Just get and read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Screw-Roses-Send-Thorns-Sadomasochism/dp/0964596008

I also recommend this book on shibari bondage. It teaches basic knots and harnesses, has good instructions, and pictures, and is a good introduction to rope bondage in general. Start off by ignoring the complicated stuff and see how far you get. Whatever you do end up doing with rope, practice, practice, practice. Your gal needs to have faith that you know what you are doing. If it takes you 90min to truss her up, she'll get annoyed. http://www.amazon.com/Seductive-Art-Japanese-Bondage/dp/1890159387/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1345560909&sr=1-1&keywords=midori+seductive+art

If you have a good S&M shop in your area, go visit it to learn about the various toys, browse some books, signup for a class, and maybe come home with something fun.

I've always looked at as a way of making sex more creative, more intense, and more playful. Stagecraft and ingenuity are a big part of the game. If you read through the books, you might find some inspiration.

As for slowing her down a bit, if you can get her to sub for you, you can demand service at other times while promising bigger scenes on the weekends. I am not kidding about that suggestion. Maybe there are people out there who can manage 3hr scenes more than 1x/2x week. I am not one of them.

The two items I would buy first: 1) leather cuffs for wrists and ankles--don't buy the cheapest, the won't work well, or for long. 2) a good leather flogger.

There are lots of places to shop for toys and materials. Hardware and pet stores come to mind. You can make some of the gear that you need.

Try to bottom for her or somebody else you trust one time. A few minutes should suffice. I think that's an essential experience for a top. You need to know what it feels like and use that to inform how you top. Once you have had an S&M experience, vanilla sex might feel rather dull. Pleasure, pain, sensory deprivation, and unpredictability put you into an altered state that can last for hours afterwards. It's unbelievably wild and that's one reason why people really get into it.

Don't do any of this stuff if you and/or her are drunk or high. It's too dangerous and will defocus you from the experience itself.

The good news is that you have a gal who will do things few others will. The bad news is that she expects you to deliver. Just make it fun.

Good luck to you.

I'm glad you found my response helpful! :-)

> But I know for a fact - because she told me - that she is not in love with me. "I like you as a friend, nothing more". It was after this we had sex. Women will always be confusing to me, but with confidence at least I can have a great time. And hopefully she will too :)

Hmm... I advise that you shouldn't listen to what she says, but rather look at what she does. This is true of people in general, but especially with women. We all tend to rationalize our actions and emotions after the fact, which doesn't necessarily line up with the actual causes. Actions speak volumes louder than words.

You fear being friendzoned. To that I'll put forward the following observation: guys who are friendzoned tend to 1) not be upfront about their desires and motives (we have delt with this problem) and 2) overinvest in a asymmetrical relationship and skewing the balance.

What I mean about the second observation is that if you don't value your time and sit around waiting for her to want to spend time with you, then she isn't going to value it either. She'll only respect you as much as you respect yourself. you should never push to be in her company if she gives the clear indication that she doesn't care either way. A good way to begin to value your time and precense more is to take up a regular hobby. Personally I began going to the gym and joined a boxing club (which definitely helps you build healthy natural assertiveness(I.e. not faking it till you make it, but just making it).

I advise you to get and read the following book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Within the first twenty pages you'll know if it's struck a cord with you. It did for me. It's not about being and asshole. It's about identifying and stopping self sabotaging behaviors.

You're right, there's a definite disparity. I think the problem is that you can cover giving a good blowjob pretty well in an article, and there are thousands of blog posts online already on the subject, not to mention the thousands of porn videos.

I haven't read it, but you could try Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man by the same author as She Comes First.

Hmmm.... Now that I look, there are actually quite a few titles on Amazon about giving blowjobs & handjobs, but reading some of the negative reviews isn't encouraging. The only one I can recommend from personal experience is a DVD called Blow Him Away!. I reviewed it here.

I think the biggest problem with giving recommendations is not knowing how experienced the reader is. If you're a virgin with little experience, a good guide has to be one that starts at a very basic level. If you're experienced and looking for expert-level tips, the same beginner's guide is going to be a waste of time.

Besides oral, I think the areas that most women need the most help with are cowgirl position, anal sex, and edging (making a guy last a long time at a really high level of arousal, so his orgasms are extra intense). Here are some things to help:

• Woman on Top - Sex in the "Cowgirl" Position
  
  
• The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, 2nd Edition,
  by Tristan Taormino. It will help you enjoy it more and avoid painful beginner's mistakes.
  
  
• The FC-2 "female" condom - makes anal much easier, cleaner, simpler, and more enjoyable for both people.
  
  
• Giving a Lingam Massage - a seven-part series on edging a guy to perfection.
  
  The r/sex FAQ also has some good sections on oral sex and handjobs.
  
  And if you want to take things to a whole extra level, this is a complete guide for couples who want to learn tantric sex together: Extraordinary Passion: The Art and Science of Modern Tantric Sex.
  
  Hope this helps!

Hi! I think masturbation is a very normal and healthy thing for anyone to do. It may feel weird at first but you need to get used to feeling your own touch. Listen to this podcast episode to learn more about how and why you should masturbate:
http://sif1-100.sexisfun.net/2005/09/sex-is-fun-01-self-pleasuring.html?m=1

I have a wide array of toys. I prefer gspot stimulation. My favorite toy is this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0019LRINQ/ref=mp_s_a_1?pi=75x40&qid=1344974277&sr=1-1

Cheap and easy to clean! I was unsure of what to think, it was the first toy I bought, but the first time I used it was uhhhhhmggfgg. Amazing.

Warnings: using a vibrator on your clitorus can desensitize it. The level differs but it can be from anywhere from minutes, hours, to days. It isn't uncommon for women who only get off from vibration to be unable to use their fingers. Just warning.
Also be wary of the materials used to make toys. Avoid things for "novelty use" and that are jelly. High grade silicone, metal and glass are the preferred materials because they are able to be sanitized to the highest extent. I would recommend using a condom over toys that aren't made of said materials.
Just know that you aren't "weird" or anything! Loving yourself is very important to knowing how to pleasure yourself. Which in fact will transfer to knowing how to teach your partner how to pleasure you!
Best of luck :3

Firstly, I actually like how straight-forward you are. IMO, this is the type of talk that gets facts across... but, as evidenced here, some people automatically equate this to being a 'bitch'. Sigh.

Secondly, how lucky he is to have you? I cannot say because he is not here commenting, but, you sound very lucky to have him. You are able to actually tell him things some females would hesitate to tell their significant other (many put up with bad sex for fear of hurting feelings)... It is quite nice. Would be very helpful if you guys do end up going to a seek help from a professional. :)

My main point: Did you ever enjoy sex with your husband, maybe when the both of you started dating, during some "honeymoon phase"? I ask because, if yes, it may be because your husband is too often always there for you. Yes, this is a very good trait to have as a father and a husband, but, not as a lover! Domestic needs often times do not match with sexual ones, so, if not recognized, can lead to situations such as yours (love having him around as a husband because he is like a dependable rock, but it is stifling as there is no sexual excitement because of lack of uncertainty).

If you can relate in any way to my last paragraph, I would recommend Esther Perel's "Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence" (Amazon link). There is also a TED talk given by her that touches quickly on topics discussed in her book, here (link). Trust me, her findings are quite eye-opening.

Others are telling you that they feel bad for your husband, and that they are feeling quite negative in general in regards to your relationship with him. However, I think maybe are just questions that haven't been asked - ones that even you (who research everything) may have not thought to look up on. So, have a look at the links I gave you. Maybe you will have a, "Eureka!" moment.

Good luck. :)

Check out /r/polyamory and read about people who are practicing ethical nonmonogamy. It can be a lot of fun if you do this as a way of enhancing trust and love, rather than telling yourselves that your natural biochemistry is a sign that you love each other somehow less.

Oh, and communicate, communicate, communicate! with your man. No "don't ask, don't tell"s unless you are both certain that it is the best choice for you.

And if you want to read a great book that will help you to quell some of that old-school social narrative scare tactic about sex and monogamous, committed love being inextricably tied, then read Sex At Dawn.

Being in love doesn't stop most people from needing sexual novelty. Needing sexual novelty doesn't stop people from being in love unless they try to crush that need under a mountain of guilt and denial.

You're welcome. It makes me feel good to think I may have been a help. How long do you spend in masturbatory sessions? Have you ever been able to touch yourself for 30 minutes or longer without having an orgasm? Well that is your new goal. You need to learn how to "edge". What edging is, is basically recognizing what it feels like when you are about to cum and riding the "edge" of that. There is this thing called "ejaculatory inevitability". Basically it is the point of no return. Once you hit it, you are going to shoot no matter what. The secret to edging is knowing what that feels like to you and knowing how to back off stimulation until you come only when you wish to. You can't consider yourself a pro edger until you almost cum about a half dozen times in a masturbatory session and you successfully stop yourself before cumming each of those times. Two major components to this helped the most for me. The first was learning kegels. This I can't help you with because I haven't bothered to learn the new proper way to do them. It has been said that the way I do them causes problems for some men (even though I have never had a difficulty) so I just try not to share it much anymore. Anyway, there are loads of ways to find this info if you just Google "male kegel methods". The kegels help you find and strengthen the muscles that shut off your ejaculation so you can mechanically do that internally if you wish. The second method of staving off orgasm is the "start-stop squeeze" method. With this method, basically you stimulate until you feel ejaculatory inevitability start coming on. Then you stop all stimulation and do a special squeeze wherein you place the pads of the tips of your index and middle fingers on the underside of your penis head and your thumb over the ridge where your penis head and shaft meet. Then squeeze. Very firmly, and not enough to hurt - but good and tight, until that feeling that you are going to come goes away. I have been able to edge for over two hours without cumming. Some people do it for days. I tried it once, but it isn't fun to me, because that congested blue balls feeling for hours on end negates any good feelings I get. Also, take note. The start - stop method is a great method for use with a partner once you master it on your own. You just teach her the squeeze and allow her to do it during intercourse with your instruction on when to apply it. I know you said that you don't like reading dry articles but the book that I think helped me to be a sex god is "The New Male Sexuality". Starting at page 275 is a wonderful chapter on controlling your ejaculation. You will notice that I have stuck to mainly the physical. I don't do well with controlling thoughts. For the most part, I just let them happen and "move on". Calm down doesn't seem to be much help to anybody. I've got a feeling that once you have a few good sessions of intercourse a lot of the PE will go away and your new "problem" will be how to make the most of the 3-5 minutes most guys last while thrusting. If your girlfriend can cum from intercourse alone she is lucky. Most women need direct clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm.

What you're describing is a pretty common problem - so know that you're not alone here! Our society places a huge amount of pressure on sexual performance, particular with men and their abilities to be hot and ready any time, any place. This unrealistic expectation just sets men and their partners up for disappointment, as nobody could possibly be ready all the time.

That being said, there are a number of things you could do to help decrease your anxiety. If you want help fast, seeing a sex therapist would be fabulous, or even a psychologist who works with anxiety could be helpful. It sounds like you have some pretty powerful anxiety-driven thoughts that are more based on your fears than in facts. A good therapist can help you tease that out, and come to a place where your thoughts reflect a more realistic picture of what's going on in your life.

If you're looking for the self-help route, The New Male Sexuality (http://www.amazon.ca/The-New-Male-Sexuality-Pleasure/dp/0553380427) gives a really great overview about how male sexuality has been changing over the years, and how to optimize your experience (along with general sexual health info, techniques, exercises, etc). For general help with anxiety, Mind Over Mood is an excellent resource for educating yourself on the nature of your thoughts, and how they impact how you feel and act. (http://www.amazon.ca/Mind-Over-Mood-Change-Changing/dp/0898621283). It's not specific to sexuality, but the same principles apply.

In general, sexual arousal is greatly affected by what's going on in your brain. If you're worried about the number of times you've had sex this month, or whether you're going to perform this time, you have less cognitive energy for simply enjoying your sexy times! Desire discrepancy between partners can be tough to negotiate, so it's really important to maintain good communication with your partner. Everyone has different wants, needs, and tendencies, and one test of a good relationship is whether you can negotiate those differences well together and come to a place where you both feel heard and understood.

1. This is just part of her fluid. Take a look at this project[nsfw] to see how vaginal fluid changes throughout a woman's cycle.
   
   
2. There isn't really a solution to stop you from chaffing her lips. She can try applying vaseline after to help it heal up faster, but I'm not sure you'd want to do it before. It would help lessen the friction but would also taste bad/feel gross.
   
   
3. Don't rush her into it. Only have a threesome when she's fully ready and more than just comfortable with the idea (she has to really be wanting it). You need to communicate openly and honestly about it all and set the rules (do you get to kiss the other girl, do you give the other girl oral, do you have penetrative sex with her, do you wear different condoms for each person, etc). Also, just a side note, I'm pretty sure a lesbian wouldn't be into having sex with a man. Unless she's at least slightly bi, she's only going to want to interact with your gf.
   
   
4. I personally absolutely love this toy that was only $17 on amazon. Rabbit style vibrators are popular with many girls. Really, there are so many toys out there for under 50. Find out what she likes (clit stimulation or g-spot, vibrator or dildo, big or small, etc) and then go from there.

Your post really touched me because I've been through some of the same feelings from the opposite (dominating) side. "Am I sick for wanting to tie my girl down to inflict pleasure on her?" The short version is, there isn't a cheat sheet for why we like what we like; we just do, and that's okay as long as everyone keeps things safe, sane, and consensual. There isn't any particular trauma or gratification at an early age that bends us toward what we like in the bedroom. You're doing fine.

I'd like to point you to a few things that might help you enjoy what you like safely:

1. /r/bdsmcommunity
   
2. /r/twoxchromosomes
   
3. SM101
   
4. Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns
   
5. Dan Savage
   
   Hope this helps and good luck.
   
   edit: formatting

I don’t have specific recommendations of things to do but I do want to encourage you to learn more about desire. Specifically in long term relationships and as it pertains specifically to women so I’m going to make some reading recommendations.

The first I’ve already read, the latter I have not started yet but it deals specifically with this topic and I’ve heard great things and have heard the author talk about the research and at the very least its fascinating to consider.

In any event good on you for being out in front of the issue and recognizing that these things take work. So many people think (erroneously) that desire and chemistry just ARE or AREN’T. But it absolutely takes work to maintain over time. And research is beginning to show that women get “bored” more quickly than men. This has been wrongly labeled as a lowering of libido for women in LTRs but as it turns out most women say they still WANT sex. Just not so much with the same person or in the same ways over such a long period of time. So if we and our partners are aware of this inclination we have much more power over controlling the outcomes.

Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence - Esther Perel

Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Infidelity Is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free - Wednesday Martin

There is nothing wrong with you. Many, many otherwise everyday people enjoy getting spanked, controlled, and more during sex. There are also many great people who love to spank, etc., though they are less common.

There is a whole world of "kinky" sex you may wish to explore and a good next step for you may be The New Bottoming Book by Janet W. Hardy and Dossie Easton. It is a great resource for those who like what you like and can help frame and inform your lifestyle.


--
San Francisco Sex Information (SFSI) provides free, confidential, accurate, non-judgmental information about sex and reproductive health. You can reach us by e-mail ([email protected]) or by phone (415-989-SFSI).

Couple options I can think of:

Have you tried non-latex condoms? Some men prefer the feeling of them, as do some women. Condoms drying her up MIGHT be from a very mild allergic reaction. So giving that a try would be simple.

If her period is regular (every month) I recommend the fertility awareness method (FAM). It's not really popular on reddit (or in general, outside of religions that deny barrier and hormonal contraceptives), but I've successfully used it for over 3 years now. With that, she has to wake up at the same time every morning, take her temperature with a basal thermometer (I recommend a glass one, not a digital one. Digital ones aren't precise enough.), as well as check her cervical mucous, and (optional) cervix height and firmness. If you want to go this route, she (and you as well, IDEALLY) should read this book, and then practice charting for at least one cycle, before using this as a method of BC. During her fertile times you could use the pull out method, or simply abstain. If you opt for the pull out method, I recommend buying and keeping a Plan B, in case of accidents.

I had issues with the pill, and this method has worked great for me, for about 3 and a half years now. I'm considering getting an IUD soon, simply for convenience and being able to wake up whenever. But FAM is super effective, if done properly by monogamous, tested, and mature adults.

As for probability of pregnancy: Assuming a regular cycle with ovulation on day 14, the chance is practically nonexistent. However, do you KNOW she ovulates on day 14? Some women ovulate sooner, some later. If she ovulates on day 10 or sooner, the chance is small, but there. For any form of birth control besides implant, patch, IUD or sterilization, I really think everyone should keep a Plan B in the house. Then if there's any fear at all, just take it immediately after the incident.

You are not alone! In fact there's an entire website for making connections with kinky people in your area and beyond. I highly recommend checking out a site called Fetlife.
Fetlife is essentially the facebook for fetish and kink. There you can find resources, groups with common interests, events in your area (such as play parties, fetish dances, and munches), and even people looking to meet someone new.

On top of that i would recommend picking up a book called "The New bottoming Book" by Janet W. Hardy
It's a book that give a lot of the basics on being a sub as well as how to feel comfortable in your newly found interests.

Hope these help, and good luck.

There are different brands of dildos that "come". Here's a great list of squirting dildos and even a squirting cocksleeve! Be aware that most of these are PVC, with the exception of The Semenette (medical grade silicone!) and one or two others I believe.

Also, Bad Dragon has a "cumtube" option on all of their dildos, which are also medical grade silicone and come in different sizes. They're mostly fantasy animal oriented dildos (and they're amazing quality), but they have a regular dildo called "The Ultimate Fantasy".

Tagging /u/cmkn, /u/kinkyghost, /u/blueblast88, /u/Radica1Faith and /u/Pattyooooooo here too.

If any of you are looking for a more realistic cum lube option besides the crappy Bad Dragon stuff (terrible lube, don't buy it, I recommended it once long ago but nooooo), follow these directions I gave to people who were looking for some realistic dildos and/or realistic lube options for play:

>Now, onto the edible fake cum! You can use this with the cumtube as well! This one is great for body shots, facials, or just for straight up swallowing. ;)

>1 cup water

>2 tablespoons cornstarch

>1 pasteurized egg white (Pasteurized is important if you want to swallow this stuff!)

>1 tablespoon plain yogurt (make sure it's plain if an AFAB person is putting these anywhere near their genitals, if they're not putting it near their genitals though, you can use vanilla yogurt for a more pronounced, bold vanilla flavour)

>A pinch of salt

>Dissolve cornstarch in ¼ cup of water and set aside. Bring the remaining water and a pinch of salt to a simmer in a small saucepan, then stir the cornstarch to redissolve it and stir it in. Simmer and stir the mixture for about two minutes, it will be very thick. Cool the mixture thoroughly. If you don't let it cool the egg will get cooked. If you are impatient, set the pan in a bowl of ice and stir to speed the cooling. When cool, stir in the egg white and yogurt. Mix thoroughly with a wire whisk until smooth. Add 1/4 a teaspoon of vanilla extract, maybe a drop more, for a bit of vanilla sweetness when you add the egg white in there! Make whatever volume you want. It should stay good for a few days in the fridge too, so you can get multiple uses out of a batch. If you need to warm it up for use, heat up some water (NOT boiling, just hot) on the stove and put the cold bowl into the hot water and let it warm up the mixture. Stir once in awhile. You don't want to cook the egg whites, just warm up the mixture. Another interesting thing you could do is add some Stevia flavour drops, you can find them under "water enhancers" on Amazon and other online stores, and they have everything from Root beer flavour to lemon, cherry, etc. You could essentially have whatever flavour fake cum you wanted, although I'm a real fan of the vanilla, something about it is just tried and true for me. :D This is the absolute best fake cum recipe out there, it's what a lot of professionals use!

If you're alright with not eating the stuff, you could just buy J-Lube and add some titanium dioxide, the thing that makes Bad Dragon's cumlube white in the first place.

Finally, if anybody is alright with a gif of a big ol' horse dildo (sorry, couldn't find any other models showing it), here is one of Bad Dragon's cumlube equipped model dildos in action!

Although the liberator feels nice, it actually doesn't do a good job of soaking up the liquid. I just got a new squirt-friendly blanket from Amazon that I love, and it's worked very well so far.

( THROWS OF PASSION Waterproof... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075WZGFJG?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share )

I also have waterproof mattress protectors and have even soaked through those on good days, so being able to absorb volume is what matters to me.

I also take puppy pads with me to other partners' homes or to sex parties so that I don't leave big puddles everywhere, haha. Look for super absorbent ones.

Good luck!

BDSM for Nice Guys

Also, The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book

Other than that, TALK. TO. HER. You aren't going to get any answers from a bunch of strangers! She shouldn't expect you to know what to do without having to explain anything herself, and you shouldn't expect to know what to do without asking anything yourself, either.

Maybe you guys can start small, find a compromise that turns both of you on in the heat of the moment, but have this conversation OUTSIDE of the bedroom, in a neutral setting. Use "I" statements, try not to be judgmental or blameful, express that you'd like to understand her desires more fully and to see if you guys can make this work out.

Other than that, congrats on finding out more about the person you love, even if it may be a little belated. I hope you can see this as a cause for growth and discovery on your shared journey, and good luck.

What your girlfriend probably told you is that she has fantasies of being humiliated and dominated.

That's really different from what you heard and told us, that she wants you to dominate and humiliate her.

She is definitely a kinky person. But she's so young and she's been with you since she was an adult that I don't think she has any experience in kink.

Kink shouldn't be done without being very cautious, kink can be personal, difficult and if done wrong, can harm a person both psychologically and physically. Also, consent is a very touchy subject when doing kink and you should thread very carefully.

You should both talk a lot about this, especially if she's not experienced.

I strongly suggest that both of you educate yourself on the subject of kink and domination. There are so many wonderful books on the subject that it can be difficult to start but I suggest:

Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt - When someone you love is kinky - Greenery Press 2000

A wonderful and thoughtful book that can help many a couple to approach and tackle the difficulties of coming out of the kinky closet.

Jay Wiseman - SM 101, second edition - Greenery Press 1996
A classic in its own right, SM 101 has introduced many generations to the practices and the good manners of doing SM even before the term BDSM came into play. And also, how to ask for consent and all the required safeties needed in kink.

Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt - The Ethical Slut, A guide to infinite sexual possibilities - Greenery Press 1997
Another ageless classic, mostly about non-monogamic, non-traditional relationships but still a book that can help you understand how discussions and confrontations can be done easily and safely when talking about sex and relationships and similar difficult subjects.

These are the bare minimum. She (and maybe you too) should also sign up on FetLife (https://fetlife.com/) and find others with the same interest, people on Fetlife are always happy to help newcomers (unless you're very rude).
Also, on Fetlife you can see if you can find a munch in your area so that you both can go and talk to other more experience people in an nonthreatening environment.

You could also see if you can go to one of the many BDSM conventions around the country, so that you can both see for yourself how it is done and that kink is possible without feeling (nor being) a horrible person.

So, don't be put off by her not wanting to have sex with you. She's probably thinking that she disgusts you now that she has expressed her "wicked" fantasies.

Also please please PLEASE DO NOT TRY ANYTHING WITH HER WITHOUT FIRST TALKING WITH HER ABOUT IT.

Even if she has asked before, it's still a violence if you don't get consent, explicit and in advance consent for anything that you do to her.

TL;DR
You should both inform yourself by reading the proposed books, signing up in FetLife, going to munches and talking to other experienced people before doing anything in the bedroom.

I was so turned on by the thought of a girl squirting that I taught my wife how to! It took a while for her to become comfortable and learn how to just let go, but it was so worth it. She doesnt always squirt, but when she does it is the fucking hottest thing ever. She loves it too, and says that it is a completely different feeling of orgasm. So embrace it, you are one of the lucky ones! I am sure some men find it gross, but then again some men find eating pussy gross. Just move along when you come across one, because there are plenty of us out there that absolutely love it.

While towels make an ok last resort, I HIGHLY recommend THESE

The 50 Shades series was so hokey. It involves a girl who is 19 and still an innocent virgin in an ivy league school who has never used a computer or understands how email works. Nobody is that naive. It's stereotypical that the leading male is filthy rich, which only serves to reinforce the idea that all women want is money. It makes a mockery of the whole BDSM lifestyle and I couldn't stop cringing the whole time. Every time she mentioned her "inner goddess" (which was on every other page) I wanted to tear the book to shreds and burn it.

There. Having finished my rant, your wife really needs to understand that there need to be ground rules to this type of thing. You could get arrested for something like this and have you seen Irreversible? The dude rapes her ass for almost 10 minutes of screen time and then beats her to a bloody pulp. I can't quite remember, but I think she dies from the injuries. Not to toot my own horn, but I discussed this very thing at length on the /r/AskWomen subreddit yesterday. People told me I was very helpful.

If she wants to read some BDSM literature, I found the Sleeping Beauty books by Anne Rice to be a lot more...stimulating.

Also, if the BDSM lifestyle is one you both want to pursue, look into this book. I found it to be very informative and an easy, entertaining read.

TL:DR For the love of God, don't rush into this. It's not going to end well for either of you.

BDSM is the last sort of sexual activity that people should just throw themselves into in order to "see what happens" without going in-depth with their partner(s) about their needs, desires, fantasies, and expectations and providing opportunities for understanding and negotiation.

As any kinkster will tell you, awesome, mind-blowing, fulfilling sex lying within the BDSM spectrum (and that kind of sex in general) is built on three things: communication, communication, and communication.

The good people over at /r/BDSMcommunity would be able to answer a lot of questions that might arise once you've discussed things openly and honestly with your girlfriend. Here are some great print resources you should look into:

SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, by Jay Wiseman

The Ultimate Guide to Kink: BDSM, Role Play and the Erotic Edge, edited by Tristan Taormino

Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission, by William Brame, Gloria Brame, and Jon Jacobs

The New Bottoming Book and The New Topping Book, by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy

Had this very same problem. I’m 22F, and no matter what I tried with my hands, nothing would happen. I bought the Satisfyer Pro 2 off Amazon, it’s strictly a clitoral stimulator. I bought it vs a dildo or rabbit because clit stim seemed to be where I got the most traction. Also the reviews on it are amazing. (Check out mine, it’s under A.)

I bought it back in February of this year, and have since hardly gone a day without an orgasm. It sounds cliche, but my mood has drastically improved, my anxiety is down, and I sleep better.

Once I got over the first hurdle, (a few times) I tried using my hands again. Since I now knew I was physically capable of orgasms, the pressure was off and I was able to come with just my hand. I highly recommend this! Satisfyer brand also has a lot of other great products!

Crossposting my response from /r/BDSMCommunity:

Have your friend order him to fill out a Submissive's BDSM Checklist so that she has some idea of what he likes and doesn't like. He may have the idealistic view that a Dominant should just "know," or he may be too embarrassed to tell her directly -- maybe writing it down via the Checklist and not having to say it will be a good starting point for discussion, and he will feel less shy and start talking.

HOWEVER, I would recommend to your friend that if he won't talk about it at all, that she doesn't do anything until he's willing to communicate and own his desires in some way. If he can't communicate outside the scene, he probably won't do so "in scene," and that is a recipe for drama and disaster, as well as possible injury.

EDITING to add that a wonderful resource for women whose male partners have expressed an interest in Domination is The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance. Another good (although very heteronormative and directed toward MaleDoms and femsubs, it has great info and exercises, nonetheless) book for beginners is Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns.

1. You're not greedy or selfish, if you're being open, communicative, and receptive to your partner's needs
   
2. Who says being a slut is a bad thing??
   
   Perhaps you and your SO would benefit from reading the following books together: The Ethical Slut, Sex at Dawn, and Open Relationships.
   
   Sex at Dawn gives a great evolutionary perspective on why some of us crave multiple lovers, The Ethical Slut will make you embrace your slutdom as long as you're ethical about it (which it sounds like you are!), and though I haven't yet read Opening Up, I hear it's a great how-to guide for open relationships and communication.

As a prolific squirter, here are a few things I recommend:

A G-spot wand. I have this one and it is guaranteed to make me squirt every time. http://www.amazon.com/Don-Wand-Graduate-Pleasure-Assorted/dp/B0019LRINQ

Something under her ass, so that she doesn't feel self-conscious about making a mess, and to save your mattress/couch/carpet. A towel is probably fine to start with, but if she learns to squirt voluminously, you're going to need something bigger and waterproof or else be prepared to change the sheets frequently. These are expensive but worth it IMO: http://www.liberator.com/eng/product/fascinator-throes-by-liberator/10342

Most importantly, I'd recommend taking it slow, being patient, and taking the pressure off of her and you. Make it all about her, build up slowly with lots of clit stim, oral, slow gentle penetration, and give her at least two orgasms. Then begin stimulating her G-spot while one of you rubs her clit with fingers or a vibe. Even if she doesn't squirt, she will still have some mind-blowing orgasms.

It may take some practice before she can let go and finally do it, and it gets easier to squirt with time.

Oh man, man, man. I've encountered so many, but it still surprises me when I run across someone who's going through exactly the same thing I went through. We always feel so alone, right? I lost my virginity at age 27. And not just my virginity, she was the first girl I slept with, cuddled, made out with, my first girlfriend, the whole deal. I wanted a girlfriend since before I was 8 years old, but I had a lot of issues that got in the way. I won't bore you with the details.

I can't offer any comfort except to say that I know exactly how you feel. I still deal with envy sometimes even now. I'll throw out the books that really put me on the right path, just in case you're looking for something to read. The Gifts of Imperfection, No More Mr. Nice Guy, and Models. Models is the best how-to guide to dating I've read. The other two were necessary to get me to a place where I could put those lessons into practice. Take care of yourself. Sex might seem like a huge deal, but you are really doing fine. Everyone figures out different things at different times.

I'd like to recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility. If you can take a pill everyday you can take your temp everyday and know exactly when you are and aren't fertile. This is not the Rhythm Method. This is science. Every woman should read this book and learn about her body even if she decides to use a different form of birth control. It is incredibly informative!

I have been successfully charting for 2 years. We use condoms when I am fertile or just have sexy times that doesn't involve semen in the vagina. ;)

And now I am gonna stop because I really don't want to sound preachy. I just always get so excited about sharing this knowledge with other women. If you have any questions I will do my best to answer.

>just didn't sit well

Unintentional comedy :)

Buttplugs aren't really meant to be moved. They give you the experience of being filled, but not of being penetrated per se. You might want to try a thinner dildo while masturbating. Only caveat here is to make sure it's long enough. Otherwise you'll have to re-penetrate the inner sphincter repeatedly, and that can be very unpleasant.

It's also possible, sadly, that anal isn't a thing you'll find pleasurable. Not everybody does. But before jumping to that conclusion, I'd read "The Ultimate Guide To Anal Sex For Women" as it's a great resource.

Good luck!

How has nobody mentioned J-Lube yet?

It's a standard for wet-and-gooey play. It is a lubricant, so it is super slick and not sticky or viscous as honey, and it has mucous-like properties (thick, but slippery) but it's a great place to start experimenting for cheap. You might be able to work up a recipe that would simulate the parts of honey you like, mixing it with Corn Syrup or thickening it with starch or glycerine.

But the best part is that you can dump a bottle in a bathtub full of water, and have a whole tub of lube! :D

I haven't personally tried bad dragon lube, but I've heard nothing but bad reviews on it, mostly that's its "sticky" and not "lubey" lol.

If you have a farm store of some type nearby, I recommend poly lube...its a veterinary grade lubricant that comes as a powder that you mix with water. For $20 you can have 5 gallons worth of lube! (Or, y'know a years worth of lube bc don't mix it all at once). it's water-based so safe to use with silicone toys. It's all I use now.

Edit: [this stuff] ( http://animalsafety.neogen.com/en/ideal-animal-health-polylube).
[Available on Amazon here] (https://www.amazon.ca/Jorvet-J0109-J-Lube-Obstetrics-10-Ounce/dp/B006G2S17A/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1488172074&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=polylube+obstetrics+lube). But honestly it was much cheaper instore so might be worth shopping around before buying online. I got it from UFA (Alberta Canada, lol), but any farm or veterinary store should carry it. It's also called j-lube.

This book is the best sex guide out there. I would suggest getting it, if you two are in it for the long haul. But for some real truthful advice: many women do not get off vaginally. She may need some clitoral or anal stimulation (like, pressing your thumb on her anus, or if you two have anal sex, putting a finger in there, or a sex toy).

As for clitoral stimulation, this is easier than it seems; it's really quite easy for you to rub her clitoris while having sex--in most positions. Can I ask, have you two tried various positions? If not heres a great website with tons of positions that stimulate various parts/zones of the vagina, etc.

Hope this helps!!!

Nothing wrong with the kissing a man part, or even experimenting with it if you aren't into it, can't know until you try it. Any reaction to this part of it is probably overreacting but honestly understandable, we all are wrongly trained to feel like our masculinity is tied to our '100% straight, wouldn't even try it'-ness, just remember its ok to try different things even if they aren't who you are, trying things (that aren't dangerous) is how we learn, doesn't make you anything other than what you are (sounds like heterosexual).

Now for getting so drunk you made decisions you regret. That is something bad and something you can work on. Don't be disgusted with yourself, you made a mistake, and the end result was not the end of the world. No one likes the feeling of not knowing what they could have done and having to worry about doing things they wouldn't approve of when sober. The only way to fix that is not drink so much in the future that you lose control. That kind of drinking is romanticized by movies and stuff but not really good for anybody. Take this as a good warning not to overdo drinking in the future and not to use alcohol to deal with feeling down (which is one of the big times it will result in overdoing it).

Also, talk to your friend to make sure this doesn't happen again. Don't accuse if you were both drunk and consensually agreed, but let him know you don't ever want to do that again, and you'd appreciate if he ever find you in a state to not make decisions you are comfortable with, that he helps you remember what you'd want to do when sober. Remember, he made a bad decision too, but no different then you, he made a decision he wouldn't have made when sober, a reminder but not an accusation sounds in order. It sounds like its something you both decided to do while equally drunk, but there aren't enough details posted to say, if you think he really took advantage and you didn't want to, a very different conversation is in order, or at least stopping hanging out with that guy.

Anyways its going to be ok. You made a bad drunken (and emotional, being really lonely played a role) decision, we've all made those, or most of us anyways, at least yours didn't hurt anybody. You learned and you'll be more careful in the future. Cut yourself a break and don't beat yourself up about a mistake.

Also read this book if you want more confidence with women.

In the name of science have her go book shopping with him.

Some decent books:

Screw the Roses, Send me the Thorns

The Loving Dominant

S&M101 though, I think the first two are much better for feeling out dominance play....S&M101 I feel is a little more dated and reads a tad more like a "technical guide"

They can learn a lot about each other by reading up and discussing. She might find somethings that pique her interest. He should be able to find examples of things he'd find hot. Everyone wins.

And there it is. Change of circumstance. Circumstance plays a huge part in female sexuality. Have you ever heard the classic joke advice about how to get your wife to have more sex with you--Do the laundry, do the dishes. A woman seeing her husband step up to help her out with taking care of the home can put her in a different mindset and get her motor running. Obviously this varies from person to person. A different wife might get stressed out by her husband doing the laundry (he's not folding clothes the right way! etc).

How is she supposed to "try harder?" She's just going to suddenly want sex more by sheer willpower? Nope. You two need to educate yourselves more on sexuality, sex drives, and get to know the circumstances under which you do and do not feel turned on. I recommend Mating In Captivity for both of you and Come As You Are for her.

Recognize that this is a problem and without concrete efforts to educate and reframe the situation, nothing will change. You can't keep doing the same things and expecting a different outcome. But it sounds like you are both willing to try, and that's what is most important.

That's great advice from /u/alittlebirdy1.

A couple things I'd like to add from mine and my wife's experience are

1. There's a point where if I don't pull out (when she cums), my hand will get stuck and it becomes painful for her. It takes practice and obviously everyone is different so it might not even be an issue for you. Just something to be aware of.
   
   
2. J-lube has changed our lives. This is the slipperiest lube I've ever felt. It's pretty much the standard lube in the fisting community. It's also entirely changed anal (as in made it way easier to get going and more enjoyable all around).

Try this: THROWS OF PASSION Waterproof Pleasure Blanket https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075WZGFJG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_dERSAbZGKWEYC

20-30 orgasms is a lot. That’s like hitachi / powertools territory. Are you two pounding it out? Or going slow and passionate? Maybe try slowing it down a bit.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No_More_Mr._Nice_Guy_(book)

Please have a look into this - I was in exactly in your position and struggled out of it through my 20s. At 33 with nothing to complain about in my life I wondered why I was still so unhappy with myself and with the relationships I have had or may have.



This opened my eyes like nothing ever has before and I am learning to accept myself as a man with needs and sexual desires and that it is OK to have them. I have never been happier than I am now and this is just the beginning.

you can get it on amazon here

Good luck OP!

I don't remember what brand mine is, but I bought something similar to this washable waterproof bed sheet protector at Target a while back. I squirt like crazy during good sex and this investment has made it so I don't have to sleep in a puddle anymore. I would always soak right through towels but this did the trick. I highly recommend keeping one of these near the bed to all squirters and lovers of squirters.

That's something that I've definitely struggled with on occasion (nearly 10 year relationship). I've found Esther Perel's comments on long term relationships super helpful, and I re-read her book every so often to remind myself. She also has a short TED talk which summarizes some of her thoughts.

http://www.ted.com/talks/esther_perel_the_secret_to_desire_in_a_long_term_relationship

http://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence/dp/0060753641/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1407678467&sr=1-1

Hope that helps?

Actually, the reason is not a lack of communication, it's biology. People did not evolve to have sex with just one person, and your tendency to become bored after a while helps maintain genetic diversity within a population and helps prevent possible incest from arising. Read the book Sex at Dawn for more about it. Great book, recommended to me by a redditor. :)

I would highly recommend reading http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Prehistoric-Origins-Sexuality/dp/0061707805. It might shed some clarity and help you decide what`s best for you to do long term.

These are a lifesaver! They absolutely will not soak through, and they can take a LOT of liquid. Wash like any towel and they are durable. A must have for any squirter. We have a stack of them next to the bed. The product image sure isn't sexy, but they are affordable so you can have many on hand and they get the job done.

Edit: I would recommend the 34x36" or larger.

Don't be embarrassed. Have a quick discussion. Get a waterproof blanket for fun times.

THROWS OF PASSION Waterproof Pleasure Blanket https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075WZGFJG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apap_Ml8XVkCk6jn2e

As a guy who loves sex but uses condoms, lube is important to me. If we start without a condom (some danger of pregnancy I know) we don't need lube until I put the condom on. I doesn't matter how aroused she is, if there's a condom the KY silk does a better job than the natural lube.

Lube kicks ass!
And for a laugh....
http://www.amazon.com/J-Lube-Powder-Mix-Water-Lubricant/dp/B006G2S17A
As a side note... (makes 6-8 gallons on lube) and further diluted makes good bubble mix.

You probably won’t feel any difference in texture until the prostate swells from stimulation. And that happens more if you’re good and horny - so refrain from sex for a few days at least. Then try fingering where you think the general area is until it swells up.

Another way is to empty your bladder first, then press around in the area until you get a sensation of having to pee. That’s where the prostate is.

It’s also possible that despite long fingers, they are still too short, or that you’re not able to get positioned correctly. I know self-fingering is awkward for me. So you might ask a partner for help. Perhaps she/he could find it. Or you could try using a toy such as this.

Best of luck.

Welcome fellow squirter! Waterproof sex sheet

https://www.amazon.com/THROWS-PASSION-Waterproof-Pleasure-Blanket/dp/B075WZGFJG/ref=asc_df_B075WZGFJG/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=264090555281&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=5930705401322226190&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9021923&hvtargid=pla-440980208098&psc=1

Sorry for the big link - Throws of passion waterproof pleasure blanket!!!

Check out Taking Charge of your Furtility, it's all about charting your way to effective family planning. It's applicable whether you want to get pregnant or avoid pregnancy.

Lots of people think that the "fertility awareness method" (FAM) is the same thing as the "rhythm method", which is untrue. The rhythm method assumes a 28 day cycle, which is why it's wildly ineffective. FAM is all about getting to know her cycle so you can better predict her most fertile days.

I believe the only difference between "natural family planning" and FAM is what you do during her most fertile days. In NFP, you would remain abstinent, in FAM you would just use a condom. The info is the same for the rest though. Toni Weschler's book is a great resource.

I couldn't get through The Way of the Superior Man, it was too "spiritualistic" for me. But I found No More Mr. Nice Guy! very enlightening.

I read a book awhile back that you might want to see if you would be interested in called Models: Attract Women Through Honesty by Mark Manson. Think it would help yah.

There are a lot of resources out there, but as a general introduction you can't really go wrong with the old school choice: SM 101. It's a little old fashioned, but it lays down the basics of how to think about play and the genres of play people engage in. It can be used as a jumping off point.

I'd suggest getting it and reading it together and talking about it as you two go.

You know, I just started looking into a book called...

Mating in Captivity.

Ironically, learned about this book through this very sub-reddit, after someone else had recommended Married Man Sex Life.

This book talks exactly about the problem with committed relationships and sex drive, and is extremely highly rated. Author seems to know what she's talking about.

tl;dr version is that sex needs a kind of distance (and mystery) to remain "hot," and that this is often at tension with the intimacy people want from relationships.

You're not alone in what you're going through. This is an extremely common problem. But there are answers that don't involve the death of your relationship to him.

I wish you the best of luck.

Amazon has the amazon locker option to avoid delivery directly to your address.

As for recommendations, it depends on your budgets and what you're looking to get out of the toy. A pretty safe and wonderful bet is the womanizer or if that is too pricy, the satisfyer. I can personally vouch for the womanizer with my ex.

Here is a book that's helped a good friend of mine. In the meantime, get really good at going down on a lady and know how long your turnaround time is.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0553380427?cache=34bb2c244b195cca124dd09fe232b8b2&pi=SY200_QL40&qid=1408989074&sr=8-1#ref=mp_s_a_1_1

I think a decent initial collection consisting of quality handcuffs, a wand for orgasm denial/forced orgasm, impact implements (or a wooden spoon or spatula from a discount store) a [ball gag] (http://www.stockroom.com/Silicone-Ball-Gag-with-Garment-Leather-Strap-P5371.aspx) and assorted pieces of rope hardware would keep the involuntary lubrication up for a while.

For literature I think Jay Wiseman's SM101 is a solid introductory foundation. A number of women within our munch groups prefer Philip Miller. For something more comprehensive try Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission.

I think my favorite sex related book would have to be The Guide to Getting it On. A friend showed it to me in high school and I keep one now as reference. It's also pretty easy to read and is actually pretty funny.

It might be a little too rudimentary for your usage, but it covers the gamut from vaginal sex to breathplay (which it says is a big no).

If you're open to try a different kind of toy I highly recommend the satisfyer pro 2, I had this problem for a long time and this broke through that barrier for me. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B071CPR2V4/ref=dp_ob_neva_mobile

It's a different kind of vibrator, similar feeling to the womanizer (more of a clit sucking sensation and less like a vibrator, though I still to this day have trouble orgasming from oral but no issues when using this), and it's waterproof and more affordable. You can practically use it hands free, you can use it in conjunction with the pillow between your legs pressing it to you, or at the same time as PIV. The reviews can give you even more info. I hope this helps!

Get a few of these bed protectors. Toss them in the wash when you're done. Cheap and they protect. Trust me. They work MUCH better than towels. There's a reason hospitals use them. They work and they're inexpensive.

the sastifyer pro is a vibrator toy that i use and it's fantastic. here's the link: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071CPR2V4?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share. read the reviews and you'll see just how awesome it is

I've struggled with this in LTRs. It's common.

On this topic, I cannot recommend Sex At Dawn enough. It's a fascinating exploration of how human sexuality, both in terms of physiological urges and expectations, has evolved. It does a great job of cutting down the usual "men evolved to want to spread their seed, women want a protector for their bay-bees; Venus vs. Mars" story and offering some compelling (and personally much more comprehensible) explanations of who we are sexually and how we came to be that way.

SM 101 is a great book to start with, and there are a lot of rope/bondage video tutorials here!

Be safe!

I agree. Sex at Dawn made a much better case for female vocalization than this article did. Moans can effectively be used for communication between active partners but the need to is a natural response for the female and not the male.

The other commenters here have had a lot of great advice, especially about you seeking external validation and being a bit over-devoted and expecting the same. It sounds a lot like you and your wife are not on the same page regarding expectations and the only thing that can fix that is communication. However, with how built-up this is for you, that is going to be very difficult. I'd really recommend you find some therapy for yourself to help arm you with tools to solve this and similar problems now and in the future.

Before you stray from your marriage or end it, you need to do some homework. See if you can get your wife reading the same things. First, read Come As You Are for a more nuanced understanding of the differences in types of sexual response patterns. Then, read Mating in Captivity for long-term relationship sparky sparks.

The itch may only be psychological since you said you enjoy scratching. If not, some ToppCock men's hygiene gel might help. It has aloe vera and tea tree oil that soothe itches and rashes. Also trim your finger nails and keep them as short as you can.

These have been our favorite ( Glass / Vibe ).

If she is having clitoral orgasms, try getting her off through the hood, not direct clit contact. Made an amazing difference with my girl (went from one and done, to 3-4 in a row before needing to take a breath).

This is what I bought my wife for her first toy

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0019LRINQ/ref=wms_ohs_product?ie=UTF8&psc=1

She loves it. Judging by the comments it should stimulate your g-spot quite well and may even lead to squirting.

I think she has some bad information. If nuvaring is inserted on Day 1 of her cycle (first day of period) it is effective immediately. If not, it only takes 7 days for it to become effective. And she can put it in whenever she remembers. She doesn't need to wait for her period, or for 2 months to pass...
Maybe she just doesn't like using it? Sit down and have an honest conversation about it with no judgement or negative energy whatsoever. Ask her what she wants. If she doesn't mind HBC, but just doesn't like NuvaRing, you guys should look into the Implanon (Nexplanon?) She can't forget it bc it's implanted into her arm, and it lasts for 3 years.

If she doesn't want the hormones, buy her this book. It's natural birth control. It takes diligence and tons of communication, but it works: http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1415306228&sr=1-2&keywords=taking+charge+of+your+fertility
Hubby was skeptical. But after reading it, we are both happy we did it. Also I should mention that I'm a alternative-living kind of person, so try to keep an open mind.

> Lying is only ok when you are truly protecting someone

That's a cultural value, not an immutable law of nature, as Perel says:

>Perel: In America, lying can never be an act of caring. We find it hard to accept that lying would be protective, this is an unexamined idea. In some countries, not telling, or a certain opaqueness, is an act of respect. Also, maybe the opposite of transparency isn’t intimacy, it’s aggression. People sometimes tell for their own good, as an act of aggression.

The interviewer wrote The End of Men; Perel wrote Mating in Captivity (which is a brilliant book).

Wash your man parts with soap and rinse off with water thouroughly. Soap residue encourages bacterial growth which causes bad odor. Dry the entire groin area completely with clean towel before dressing up as even a tiny bit of moisture can be a haven for odor-causing microbes. Some ToppCock on your genital area can help get rid of stink-causing bacteria and fungi.

My favorite source for this: Sex at Dawn

Note that there's a number of things in that book that are controversial and/or still being debated, but I think for the most part it's pretty spot on, particularly in the sexual behaviors of ancient people.

Chart your cycles. I successfully did this for the two years I was with my last boyfriend, and we never had any issues. I found this book highly useful.

I don't know if you were trying to format it in any particular way, but put brackets [] around the words and parentheses () around the link.

[THROWS OF PASSION Waterproof...] (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075WZGFJG?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share)

If not, carry on.

https://www.amazon.com/Satisfyer-Pro-2-Next-Generation/dp/B071CPR2V4/

There are a bunch of threads around on them if you search "satisfyer" or "womanizer"... they work super well for some people and not for others.

Perhaps you should invest in something like this?

I know I've seen something similar that's made specifically for sexy times, I just can't remember where I saw it posted.

In Amazon, search for " THROWS OF PASSION Waterproof Blanket " It's bullet proof!

The Guide to Getting it On is a good read, lot's of interesting stuff in there.

If he didn't ejaculate, you should be fine. That said, a pregnancy test should be accurate by 20 days after the sex (and could work as few as 8 or 9, but you couldn't trust a negative at that point). But, again, I would bet you're not pregnant. When was your last period?

I'd also highly recommend reading Taking Charge of Your Fertility http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertility-Anniversary/dp/0060881909 to get a better understanding of what's going on with your cycles. Irregular period can be a sign of a problems that would need to be treated if you do what to get pregnant at some point, too.

A suction one. Absolutely the best. Google satisfyer pro and read some reviews

Edit.. found it for you
https://www.amazon.com/Satisfyer-Pro-2-Next-Generation/dp/B071CPR2V4

This book is great!

Sheet protector works great!

http://www.amazon.com/Priva-Absorbent-Washes-Waterproof-Protector/dp/B000FOA7C2/ref=sr_1_1/183-6185802-8860569?ie=UTF8&qid=1419724438&sr=8-1&keywords=bed+wetting+sheets

ToppCock. Works like a charm.

I haven't read this book but It popped into my mind when reading how much you planned taking her situation into consideration:

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Check it out, perhaps it can improve your perspective.

http://libgen.io/book/index.php?md5=88CD2331018684B02C997E9D07F14F40

THROWS OF PASSION Waterproof... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B075WZGFJG?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share

These two books are very good:

The Topping Book:
http://smile.amazon.com/New-Topping-Book-Dossie-Easton-ebook/dp/B006T2ULTI/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415026502&sr=8-1&keywords=the+topping+book


The Bottoming Book:
http://smile.amazon.com/The-Bottoming-Book-Janet-Hardy/dp/1890159352/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1415026503&sr=8-2&keywords=the+topping+book

Amazon has very reasonably priced bedpads (incontinence pads). I personally have several due to the sheer amount of fluid my SO can produce. I swap out after each squirting orgasm and I've never had spots on the bed....I have however been showered multiple times.

Hers smells and tastes very sweet.

Wash as usual, dry then apply some ToppCock penis hygiene gel. That you should keep you clean and fresh down there all day long. And no, the product don't have any adverse taste or effect on whoever will go down on you.

Your savior has arrived...

You need J Lube.

It's a powder that you mix with water to make lube... Very very cheap way to make lots of body-safe lube at whatever consistency you like.

You can get it from amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B006G2S17A?pc_redir=1411932379&robot_redir=1

...or from agricultural stores...

Try here with your question. Also, this book is very good.

Read Sex at Dawn. Have your girlfriend read Sex at Dawn.

http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Dawn-Prehistoric-Origins-Sexuality/dp/0061707805/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1290967913&sr=8-1

Then have an open, honest conversation. And seek a sex-positive couples therapist. You will both need it. These are serious changes.

http://www.amazon.com/New-Male-Sexuality-Revised/dp/0553380427
I had to read this book for class, it made me realize how much pressure men go through. I would recommend it. It deals with everything, psychology drugs that might help etc.

Get a few of something like this pad. Also you should get a waterproof mattress cover like this. That way you've got two levels of liquid defense.

I strongly suggest the book "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Robert A Glover.
http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

Try ToppCock. It gets rid of funky penis smell. Works for cut and intact penises. We've been using it as pre-oral preparation and haven't felt anything adverse so I guess it's safe.

This book might be useful. http://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence/dp/0060753641/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1450549497&sr=8-1&keywords=mating+in+captivity

These mattress pads have saved my bed. I've soaked through towels and liberator blankets and wasted money on thin and rough pads at the store. This is the first thing that has actually worked and been comfortable.

Washing with soap may not be enough for him and needs extra protection from odor-causing bacteria. Gift him with some ToppCock.

Go visit r/BDSMCommunity for advice, safety tips, creative ideas and like-minded discourse.

I was going to put together a list of books, but someone has already made a fantastic one.

The only book that I would add is Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns.

This was amazingly helpful for two virgins going at it for the first time....

I recommend this book
http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358

Try this... I’ve seen it do wonders.
Satisfyer Pro 2 - Luxury Orgasms, Air Pressure Technology, 11 Tantalizing Settings, Rechargeable Waterproof Fun! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B071CPR2V4/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_.KJBCb83654R4

Just so you know...these are a lot more convenient. You can have them under your regular sheets so that you don't have to kill a mood or time by setting up! This is what we used.

http://www.amazon.com/Priva-Absorbent-Waterproof-Protector-52-Inch/dp/B000FOA7C2/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394559088&sr=8-1&keywords=moisture+bed+pads

My girlfried also has a lot more orgasms than I do when we have sex.... and I love it! But then again, I do cum in the end.
Your dick did not break, it is probably all in your head.

Read this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Sexuality-Revised-Edition/dp/0553380427/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1382886349&sr=8-1&keywords=new+male+sexuality

You shouldn't kill yourself.

​

Read this book.

Like others have said, I wouldn't worry about squirting, although if you don't like squirting on the bed, I use an impermeable sheet rather than towels because don't have much risk of getting on the bed. And even more than that, I use 2 shirts one folded and placed underneath my gf and one that i have readily available to prevent squirting away from the bottom shirt. This way the impermeable sheet only acts as a back up and the shirts take up less volume in the washing machine. Also pee before and after having sex. Before reduces the amount of fluids, after reduces risk of UTI.

I have seen this book recommended here.

These two books should be on the top of you and your SO's reading lists.


The New Topping Book(Kindle)


The New Bottoming Book

Same thing happened to me and my girlfriend, although over a longer time period. You'll find a lot of similar stories in /r/deadbedrooms... that's a very common problem.

As for advice, I highly recommend the book Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel, as well as her TED talk (her second talk is a bit off-topic here), for a start. Basically, if you want to change the situation, you'll need to understand why you bf's libido faded, and then find a way to address the issue(s) you identified. You can also find advice, or
at least support, on /r/deadbedrooms.

However, keep in mind that having a "honeymoon period" in the early days of a relationship that slowly wanes can also mean that your bf's low libido is actually his "normal" libido... which means that there might simply be no "solution".

This may be helpful for your lack of lube prolbem.

J-Lube. It’s a powdered form of the lubricant they use to assist in the birthing of horses and cows. Gallons of lube for less than $20.

The website says. “10oz plastic bottle with shaker top makes 6-8 gallons of lubricant” -- and its only 13 bucks.

People swear by it for large insertions also. But since that's not your goal may not be useful in that manor.

Here's a link

https://www.amazon.com/Jorvet-J0109-J-Lube-Obstetrics-10-Ounce/dp/B006G2S17A

Guide to Getting it on

shit is awesome

You might want to check out this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Mating-Captivity-Unlocking-Erotic-Intelligence/dp/0060753641

The author also gave a TED talk if I remember correctly.

Read this: Sex_at_Dawn

Read this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Male-Sexuality-Revised-Edition/dp/0553380427

Models by Mark Manson.

This book completely turned my life around, and I'm not talking only about sex & dating.

Also, you can go and check /r/seduction out.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Ultimate-Guide-Anal-Women-Guides-x/dp/1573442216

The New Topping Book

The New Bottoming Book

Get an Incontinance pad for your bed.

Washable, discreet, relatively cheap.



http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0002DMPFS

So get one of these:

https://www.amazon.com/Don-Wand-Graduate-Pleasure-Assorted/dp/B0019LRINQ/ref=sr_1_6_s_it?s=hpc&ie=UTF8&qid=1480260415&sr=1-6&keywords=glass+dildo

This?

Try ToppCock

I’m assuming you’re female here, as you don’t specify.

https://www.amazon.com/Satisfyer-Pro-2-Next-Generation/dp/B071CPR2V4

My wife has a hard time reaching orgasm without a little help. We have tried all kinds of toys and while most will get her there one has stood head and shoulders obove the rest.

That is the Satisfier Pro 2. It can legit take her from not really turned on to full blown convulsions in 60 seconds.

It's a beast.

https://www.amazon.com/Satisfyer-Pro-2-Next-Generation/dp/B071CPR2V4

Buy this, and give it to her, or leave it laying around.

http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Anal-Sex-Women/dp/1573442216/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1256670958&sr=1-1

Followed you in from another thread.

Just wanted to leave this here.

TOP Waterproof Blanket, Deluxe Bed and Furniture Protector for People and Pets, Reversible, Leak Proof Moisture Barrier, Soft Fleece (Purple Blue Reversible, Jumbo 80x60) https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B075WZGFJG/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_GBivDb2RY4PSF

This!

Screw the Roses is available used. For under $15, you get an awful lot of good information in one place.

Just a tip;

I've heard people sing praises of J-Lube for fisting. I own a bottle myself, and it's great for anal 'stuff,' but I've never yet taken it as far as fisting. But if I was going to; it would be with this stuff. It's the slipperiest lube I've ever felt.

Use a 'lube launcher' to shoot some pre-mixed lube inside her; then sprinkle some of the powder in your hands, and run some water on them while rubbing them together. It'll be so slippery, your whole arm might disappear up there, if you're not careful.

Take a look at Esther Perel's book: Mating in Captivity


I found this book after I got divorced under similar conditions ( no kids though) and I wish we would have read it before trying unsuccessful therapy and sex counseling.

Ass play feels good for everybody. If you think it's gross, then have him use nitrile gloves/condoms and you've just cut your transmission risk factors.

There's an entire book on anal sex for women:
http://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Guide-Anal-Women-Edition/dp/1573442216
(There's also one for men.)

She even did videos and things on pegging: http://www.goodvibes.com/display_product.jhtml?id=8-7-ML-1201

If you want to better understand this, Taking Charge of Your Fertility is great. Short form, no you can't get pregnant during your period, but you can misunderstand when your period is or be irregular. I recommend the book to any woman, particularly nerdy women, who wants to understand your body.

Another lesson: if you find yourself horny and making bad choices about unprotected sex, female fertility can be triggering that. Be careful, evolution is tricky.