Best motherhood books according to redditors

A fair assessment.

Other explanations include:

1.The decline of the two-parent family, for instance, is almost certainly depressing life satisfaction for the women stuck raising kids alone.

• Before 1970, most unmarried mothers were teenagers. But in recent years the birthrate among unmarried women in their 20s and 30s has soared — rising 34 percent since 2002, for example, in women ages 30 to 34. In 2007, women in their 20s had 60 percent of all babies born out of wedlock, teenagers had 23 percent and women 30 and older had 17 percent.
  
  
• Much of the increase in unmarried births has occurred among parents who are living together but are not married, cohabitation arrangements that tend to be less stable than marriages, studies show.(source)
  
  
  **2.**"The Second SHift"
  
  
• In this landmark study, sociologist Arlie Hochschild takes us into the homes of two-career parents to observe what really goes on at the end of the "work day." Overwhelmingly, she discovers, it's the working mother who takes on the second shift. (source)
  
  
  
  
  This NYTIMES column provides more insight
  
  Liberated and Unhappy

A part of feminism has always been about making having a baby be a choice for a woman rather than a requirement, but if that comes across as ignoring the plight of mothers, well, that's not intentional. For me personally the fact that women have taken on both the burdens of being a "provider" and taking care of children and housework is a big deal to me. I don't know if this counts as feminist, but this idea has been studied in detail.

This is entirely guessing, but there is a good chance that if she hadn't quit her job the woman in the op's comment would have been doing both engineering and child care, without that much help from the husband. That's extremely common, and sucks.

Part IV

Are mothers' issues really invisible?

Mothers' issues lack visibility in mainstream society as a feminist question, and within feminism... almost completely.

1. In society at large: The framing of mothers' issues in mainstream media is usually as "motherhood VERSUS feminism." Consider that in April 2012, NYT hosted a debate between prominent moms using exactly such a title. The media constantly pits feminism and motherhood as two opposing choices, mutually exclusive. That feminists are all about conquering the male domain, and "real women" know that's hurts women, because women are meant to be mothers. (See how insiduous that is!) That feminism promised women the whole world but failed to deliver because women want to be mothers and not icky manly feminists. That mothers must hate feminism and feminists must hate mothers, and the two groups' goals are wildly disparate. This mistake leads to a lot of antifeminism in mainstream society: if feminism is seen to be at odds with mothers, and most women are mothers, doesn't that mean feminism isn't really a movement for women at all? It also hurts mothers terribly, because as long as feminism is out of their reach and not in their corner, they are stuck within the patriarchy with no toold to fight it.
   
   
2. And feminists have fallen for that lie. Mainstream feminism seems a little blind to mothers' issues. Since mothers are so systematically denied voice and power everywhere, the ranks of feminists are filled with NONmothers even though the most women themselves are mothers - similar to how the ranks of feminism are filled with white, cis, middle-class, able-bodied women. This contributes to the invisibility of mother's issues in feminism. So for instance, the fact that the wage gap is mostly a motherhood penalty goes unrecognized; feminists keep talking about it as if it's just a "gender gap" (which it is not, for most part) - this hurts feminists because it's so easily refuted, and nothing gets fixed. "Reproductive choice" is reduced in feminist discourse to "the choice to not have children" only because the people setting the feminist agenda tend to be nonmothers - when really, should we not be examining to an equal or greater extent the other side of the abortion/contraception coin, the choice to BECOME a mother, and what happens to mothers in our society? Mainstream feminism also is home to a lot of old-guard second-wavers who, despite being seriously kickass in general, tend to speak about feminist motherhood in rather negative terms, essentially warning women not to get into, or 'too far' into, mothering because then you're hurting yourself and hurting feminism. Such hostility from feminists to motherhood is not new. The fact is that from the time Betty Freidan described The Problem With No Name, all domestic work and motherhood in patricular has become low-status work in feminist circles, as it has always been in the patriarchal world.
   
   So when it comes to mothers, our choices are too often between "individual women's rights but let's ignore mothers because they hurt feminism/they are too complicated/they invited oppression by choice/they're not really oppressed" and "all women must be mothers to put them in their place, and all mothers must be embodiments of angelic nurturing self-sacrificing womanhood". BOTH these positions buy into patriarchy and strengthen it.
   
   ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
   
   Where Mothers' Issues Stand Today
   
   The mother-centered feminist movement is growing, but slowly. Blogs like Blue Milk, activist groups like MomsRising, and even some traditional media outlets are starting to get the ball rolling in the right direction for once (remember that article in The Atlantic about "Why Women Still Can't Have It All" and the many thoughtful responses to it? That was AWESOME).
   
   
   What feminism can/should do for moms:
   
   

• paid maternity AND paternity leave (it's important to get dads to shoulder their fair share of unpaid motherwork, also important not to give employers any reason to discriminate against women/mothers)
  
  
• socialized daycare (if we can pay taxes to fund armies, we can pay taxes to fund childcare, freeing up mothers to participate in paid work without worrying about childcare costs)
  
  
• recognition for caregiving work: retirement account supplementation and maybe even a stipend for all unpaid caregivers
  
  
• parent-centered approach to child-rearing: fighting for the right of parents to BE parents as well as gain respect from it - this will mean fighting capitalist structures in addition to patriarchal structures
  
  
  
  
  My plea is basically, MOAR PLEASE. Let's keep the momentum going. In particular, let's focus more attention on mothers' issues on the big online feminist sites which have become the loudest voices for feminism in our generation.
  
  
  
  
  
  
  -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
  
  THE END
  
  
  Links to all parts of this essay:
  
  
• Introduction & Dealing with Objections
  
  
• Part II: Capitalist Oppression Faced by Mothers (& continued in Part IIb)
  
  
• Part III: Education Discrimination, Limited Access to Public Spaces, Disempowerment Within the Home, and Vilification of Mothers in Maintream Culture
  
  
• Part IV: Are Mothers Issues Really Invisible? and Where Mothers' Issues Stand Today
  
  
  

heres some quotes from leading feminists

>"The nuclear family must be destroyed... Whatever its ultimate meaning, the break-up of families now is an objectively revolutionary process." -- Linda Gordon

"Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession... The choice to serve and be protected and plan towards being a family-maker is a choice that shouldn't be. The heart of radical feminism is to change that." -- Vivian Gornick, feminist author, University of Illinois

"We can't destroy the inequities between men and women until we destroy marriage." -- Robin Morgan

"Marriage as an institution developed from rape as a practice." -- Andrea Dworkin

“In a patriarchal society, all heterosexual intercourse is rape because women, as a group, are not strong enough to give meaningful consent.” — Catherine MacKinnon

"All sexual intercourse even consensual between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman." -- Catherine MacKinnon

"It is clear that the women's movement must concentrate on attacking this marriage. Freedom for women cannot be won without the abolition of that institution." -- Sheila Cronin

"In order to raise children with equality, we must take them away from families and communally raise them" (Dr. Mary Jo Bane, feminist and assistant professor of education at Wellesley College, and associate director of the school's Center for Research on Woman).

"The end of the institution of marriage is a necessary condition for the liberation of women. Therefore it is important for us to encourage women to leave their husbands and not to live individually with men.... All of history must be re-written in terms of oppression of women. (from "The Declaration of Feminism," November, 1971).


An example of an entire book the the issue

Sarrah Le Marquand: It should be illegal to be a stay-at-home mum
Article talking about the juggle between motherhood and working saying its unequal. IMO very flawed arguments about "equality" in the family dynamic.

Joy byrant choosing her career over motherhood, which is all good

The vitriol and tone of this one is off putting

The good works and movement of feminism are dying. Choice? what year is this. A woman can go into any career shes interested in if she works hard (everyone needs to work hard to excel). many options of contraception, and an alarming rate of abortions increasing as well. what is not a choice nowadays? A woman wants to work? Do it, excel, improve the world. but there has to be a realization woman have an amazing magical superpower that brings new life into the world, and should be treasured. Theres even a separation within the groups now, just look at the prolife women being kicked out of the women march. This is not all women, but its growing and turning into something else.

This is nothing new and has been growing for years.

In Sarah Hrdy's excellent book Mother Nature she talks about how, in the US, women are treated like second class citizens to the children they carry. A woman who gets an abortion is selfish, a woman who refuses cancer treatment to give birth is a heroine. She discusses how 'maternal instincts' are not as natural as many people believe and that it is quite normal and natural for a woman to place her own health first before that of any potential offspring. I've seen several of my friends, determined to have natural births, break down when that birth becomes impossible. I'll never forget arriving at the hospital bedside of one of my friends who went into labor at 34 weeks after she was induced due to complications. She was crying because she'd taken the epidural and she felt like a failure because of it. I reminded her that we are bipedal with big heads, and that childbirth is painful and dangerous to us. If a mother and her doctor decide she needs an epidural or a c-section that's what she needs and no one should judge her for it.

Throughout this pregnancy, I have done a lot to put my boys' health before my own as is my choice. However, I'm not carrying to or past 40 weeks, and I'm getting a c-section if I feel that is the best option for me and my boys. If I need an epidural, then I need an epidural. Unless someone is willing to carry, give birth, and nurse my babies for me, they have no fucking right to judge me on my choices.

Seems relevant.

"Toddlers are beautiful, kind, and wonderful to people who are not in primary custody of them. There’s a reason toddlers are at their peak cuteness: it’s because nature knows that toddlerhood is when you are most likely to take your child to a public park and leave them there with a note that says, “I’m a little $hit and they couldn’t take it anymore.”"

In the ideal setup of a stay at home parent, she does much more than just directly raise her children. It’s about turning her house into a home, a warm sanctuary, and keeping it that way, spending time to: care for herself (especially regular exercise), cultivate creative hobbies (such as playing an instrument), arts and culture, further her education in healthy, natural, frugal living, plan/execute the family’s cultural, social, entertainment and educational life, often help manage family finances, practice religious disciplines (if she’s religious), perhaps do some work from home if more income is needed, and also volunteering/being charitable in the neighborhood and community. All these things have a immeasurable positive impact on herself, husband, children and future progeny. And, time available for all these things increases once the children are in school.
This was the general stable pattern for eons until only several decades ago. Your SO is trying to point this out.
Perhaps this reading list can expand your perspective on what it means to be a homemaker. (Sorry if it seems like overkill, I just had all these saved up anyway, and the more voices, the better, IMO.)—
Why I Love Being a Homemaker
No One Asked Me if I Wanted to Be a Homemaker
How to Make the Transition from Worker to Homemaker
The Happy Housewife
Why I Don’t Regret Being a Stay-at-Home Mom
Housewives Without Children: Celebrating Life as a SAHW
The Two-Income Trap: Why Parents Are Choosing To Stay Home
7 Myths of Working Mothers: Why Children and (Most) Careers Just Don't Mix
What an At-Home Parent Is Really Worth
With kids off at school, how I answer “So what do you do all day?”
The Art of Homemaking
Being a Stay-At-Home Parent is a Luxury … For Your Spouse
Seven Habits of Highly Successful Homemakers
The 3 Daily Sacrifices of A Homemaker
Homemaking Help 101
Ten Secrets of Becoming a Perfect Homemaker
Practice Makes Perfect: Homemakers are Made, not Born
What Is It Like To Be a Full-Time Homemaker?
How to be a Successful Homemaker…When You Feel Like You Fail at Keeping House
The Benefits of Habits in Your Homemaking
5 Ways to Grow as a Homemaker
How to Be a Better Homemaker
Are you Feeling Frustrated as a Homemaker?
A homemaker’s real salary
Here's How Much It Would Cost To Replace Your Mom
Finding the Courage to Work as a Homemaker, Housewife, or Stay at Home Wife - Even Without Kids!
Why Feminism Wants to Dismantle the Family

I feel you. My daughter is about to be 5 months and it's very hard to get anything done. Of course I want her to get lots of love and attention, but I also want her to be able to handle me putting her down to take a dump or shower. Likewise, I started to feel like she wasn't spending enough time awake on her stomach and back figuring out to how to do things like roll over or sit up herself since she wants to sit or stand on us (with help), be on our lap, or be in carrier. From a gross motor skills/milestone standpoint this also seemed less then ideal.

I agree building the ability to play independently for short periods (at least) is something I want to foster in my baby. Just this week I read Elevating Child Care by Janet Lansbury (she also has a blog) who writes about RIE parenting a model in which you treat babies with respect and like they can understand. You also strive to build their confidence and competence and their ability to spend time confidently exploring themselves. While I don't agree with everything in her book (you never do) I liked a lot of it, it's a very fast read, and I think it could be a great perspective for you and your wife.

She specifically talks about setting some healthy boundaries even with your baby like Mommy needs to brush her teeth. Now, your baby's feelings are genuine - she's crying because she is upset and wants to be held. However, Lansbury would say it's okay for your baby to experience being upset sometimes if you are respectful, understanding, and all of their needs are met. You would say to "[baby name], I am going to go brush my teeth. I will be back in two minutes." If they cry, you might say "I know you don't want me to leave," or "You want to be held right now" or some sort of acknowledgement and name the feeling if you know it. But still, brush your teeth. Then when you are done hug and comfort baby. "You are so upset I left you to brush my teeth." The idea is that feelings are not wrong (don't "no" crying) but that even as a baby it's all right if they don't always get their way.

There's also good info on developing independent play time to help your wife get some stuff done.

First off, good for you for trying to overcome your own childhood trauma (and yes, emotional neglect is a trauma) and do things right for your family. I am on the same path.

This might sound really silly, but are you familiar with the kids tv show Daniel Tiger? It's a cartoon based off the old Mister Rogers show. The relationships and scenarios are a little more tidy than what you'd see in real life, but I honestly have improved my parenting by using the helpful tips and emulating the adult figures in that show.

There are several books I can think of that have helped me. I would suggest reading more than just parenting books... it's important to heal YOU. (I don't know the details of your childhood or any of the issues that affect you now, besides what you've mentioned, so some of these may not be applicable to your situation.)


http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Our-Children-Ourselves-relationships/dp/1887542329/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023157&sr=1-1&keywords=raising+our+children+raising+ourselves


http://www.amazon.com/Codependent-No-More-Controlling-Yourself/dp/0894864025/ref=sr_1_sc_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023193&sr=1-1-spell&keywords=coependent+no+more


http://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023212&sr=1-1&keywords=complex+ptsd+from+surviving+to+thriving+by+pete+walker


http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/dp/1451663889/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023231&sr=1-1&keywords=how+to+talk+so+kids+will+listen+%26+listen+so+kids+will+talk


http://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Kids-Children-Control-Their/dp/0310243157/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414023293&sr=1-1&keywords=boundaries+with+kids

that last one is a little heavy with the religious quotes, HOWEVER, even I as an atheist found the book excellent and applicable, and the message very very different from most Christian parenting books. So if you're religious, great, if not, this is still an extremely helpful book. They have an original version written for adults too, which I have not read.


edit: I see you've already posted at the sub I suggested.

3 out of 4 SIDS cases are actually the mother deliberately smothering the infant.

Maternal infanticide has been observed in both humans and primates, across cultures and classes.

Where gender is concerned, at risk of being smothered are boys born to low-status women, and girls born to high-status women.

A blog on this topic by Brad.

Elevating Childcare is what I started with.

She also has a blog/website with lots of great resources.

You're looking for an epistemology of parenting, eh?

Eenteresting. Good to do while you have the opportunity. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy, but it's good to go in with general principles.

There's three kinds of resources: facts (what's this rash), philosophy (what principles are best) and decision-making (given these facts, what's the best decision in line with these principles).

It's important to keep the three clearly separated.

Get your facts from people with relevant degrees from real universities, preferably with peer review, who aren't trying to sell their book and who haven't stuck out on their own against Big Dermatology, etc. Get them from a range of such sources, to average out anomalies.

Get your philosophy from people who give a shit about kids. First ask if they sound compassionate, then ask if they sound sensible. Ask whether you'd want to slap them if they tried to advise you at 3am while you were cleaning projectile diarrhoea out of the carpet. Ask whether they're actually promoting an end, or just their favourite means. Can you generalise their philosophy to arbitrary situations? Does it feel right, have they got their head screwed on and their feet on the ground?

Your decision-making... will mostly be your own, when the rubber hits the road. The life of a new (or even new-ish) parent is hectic and stressful, and you just have to deal with things as they happen. But for the stuff you have space to at least nominally decide on in advance (given that 80% of it will go to hell when actually put into practice), give it half a dozen different sanity checks. Is it the best thing for your child? Does it sound sane and reasonable? Is it realistic in your situation, or was it suggested by someone with unlimited space, time, rest and money? Will it hold up to extremely stressful situations with your kid being extremely fucking unreasonable? Does it involve being a dick to your kid? Would it make you feel like some kind of asshole? Is it going to be sustainable, or is it going to exhaust you into an early grave? Does it contribute to raising an adult, while still giving your kid a childhood? Does it help teach them to do dangerous things safely? Does it balance support and independence? Will your family be happier for it overall?

I don't have many specific resources to recommend; mine's just turning 11 after all.

Our paediatrician wrote an extremely good book: Baby On Board. It was absolutely fantastic and I can't recommend enough, especially in the first year. It's helpful, down to earth, extremely damn sensible, and backs up its recommendations with solid science.

The No-Cry Sleep Solution comes very highly recommended; please read up on cortisol levels and neural development if you're considering CIO techniques.

Other than that... ask me, because I know everything, and am the Best Person. :D

IMO these kinds of articles are just looking for crazies they can use to talk about what they wanted to talk about in the first place.

This book came out over two months ago, has a whopping 8 reviews on Amazon, and I'm pretty sure only two of them actually bought it. The author is literally a nobody that no one takes seriously. It's like taking things a crazy homeless guy says on the street and writing an article about it to discredit their ideas.

These are the books on my Kindle. I believe I read most of them - some I remember more than others so I may have started them but not finished.

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B014G6WNIA/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title - This one was great. It told a lot about how he was feeling in the affair and why it was so hard for him to give it up.

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B001E2NXBQ/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title - I loved this one.

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00G1IYIQM/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title - This books helped me with my relationship with my son but it also helped me understand my husband's relationship with his mother and how he was raised. She was overprotective and because of that they never had a great relationship.

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B01EVXI51W/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00QOE1DAW/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B00APGI85I/ref=kinw_myk_ro_title

It must be this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Full-Surrogacy-Now-Feminism-Against/dp/1786637294/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=Sophie+Lewis&qid=1558220734&s=gateway&sr=8-1

​

Please read the editorial reviews.

Why is she not focusing on suppressive systems in, for example, Saudi Arabia where she can truly help women? Or in North Africa where genital mutilation is still common practice (women against women)?

She needs to get out of her comfort zone and into the real world (on a bus with the editorial reviewers).

A couple of thoughts:

1. Quit telling her that she's doing a good job. Tell her instead "you're working hard at that." For a gifted toddler, their vision of what they want will never ever be as good as they can create. You want her to learn that it's about the process, not the product. You really want to avoid praising her for being "smart" (and having others do the same) when she starts school. Read Carol Dweck's work on growth mindset: https://www.mindsetworks.com/parents/default\
   
2. Figure out YOUR boundaries and then when you set them, be firm. Smart kids who can win arguments with you as toddlers NEED clear boundaries that you enforce no matter how hard they tantrum. Like typical 2-5 year olds, they're trying to figure out how the world works. If it works differently on different days or differently if they tantrum vs. not, then they are very unsettled and the unknown makes the world a scary place. I recommend Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book: Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles. Stanley Greenspan's The Challenging Child also helped me a lot.
   
   1. If dad says no story until something is tidied away and she says "mum can read the book," then your reply is "You need to tidy that away before anyone reads to you." Let the ensuing tantrum happen (see below).
      
   2. For the light example, I'd say "you're right, that one doesn't hurt. What's the difference? Can you always tell the difference? That's why we have to be careful." Not everyone bit of her "defiance" is true defiance. She's trying to figure out the boundaries of her world. She's two and so she's still very very literal. (When my son was two, I told him that all cars had exhaust pipes. He had to check each car we saw for the next week.)
      
3. Give up trying to avoid distress. Instead focus on helping her cope with her distress. I, too, have a super bright, emotionally intense daughter who's now beyond early childhood. She feels deeply, she's easily frustrated, and she has experienced more negative emotions than many other children. I don't want her to feel less, because that's part of who she is. She feels passionately about social justice and is now finally in a position to begin to work with organizations to effect this change.
   
4. Teach your daughter (a) that negative emotions can be withstood and (b) they are not the end of the world. You have to figure out what helps her when she's in distress. For one of my kids, I needed to back off and leave him alone because ANYTHING I did overstimulated him. When he calmed down on his own, we could cuddle and talk. For another, I need to be there to help her calm down (even now as a teen). I would lay down with her on the bed and hum very softly while she sobbed. For helping kids recognize emotions and deal with them, I recommend Dan Siegel's work: The Whole Brain Child and How to Talk So Kids Will Listen by Faber and Mazlish.

95% of women dont regret their abortions

Not everyone wants children and women do regret becoming mothers

https://www.amazon.com/Regretting-Motherhood-Study-Orna-Donath/dp/1623171377

Based on title alone:

http://www.amazon.com/Toddlers-Are-holes-Your-Fault/dp/0990592898/

sure, it's good to have a discussion about it without pointing fingers. I'm always happy to give my perspective from the actual experience of a crisis pregnancy. and back in the day I was a staunch pro-lifer myself.

i regret that.

i even carried protest signs. this was in college, maybe a year after i had placed my son for adoption. i guess the idea i had was: if i had chosen life, why couldn't every other woman? It took me a long time realize that it's a far more nuanced topic. Not every woman has the support structure that I had. Not every woman was born into a relative position of comfort and privilege. In the end, it needs to be allowed to be a very individual choice because each woman is a unique individual facing unique challenges at that particular moment of time in her life. But that was a very gradual shift for me, despite the fact that i had had my own experience of crisis and trauma. It should have opened my eyes sooner. It's not to my credit that I took as long as I did to gain better perspective and process it the way I came to but I had to find a historical perspective too (as I outlined above. I was going to note, if you have not read Mother Nature by Sarah Hrdy, it would be well worth your time.)

you might find the link that I linked about in one of the other comments helpful as well. it's kind of a history of the pro-life movement. I can remember when this whole "issue" started generating controversy so for me, i can see how it could be seen that this has been cultivated to be a highly-charged emotional issue generated for use by further control by the church. there is literally no stone of human sexuality and suffering that the church will not be willing to use to "bring people to god" (read: generate/keep adherents). but that's my little rant on the subject ;) i don't mean to detract from a thoughtful dialog at all!

edit: all kinds of crazy grammar stuff

http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Parenting-Action-Principles-Childhood/dp/1490413588/ref=pd_sim_b_4

You're wonderful. I'm a single mom and it's tough, I wish you all the luck. Some books I've found- based in the age of her kids.

Honest toddler:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Honest-Toddler-Childs-Parenting/dp/1476734771

Toddlers are A**holes:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0990592898/ref=pd_aw_fbt_b_img_2?refRID=143CABN3JSCS68Q317QX

Single mothers survival guide:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Single-Mothers-Survival-Guide/dp/1580910637

One more:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0595397522/ref=pd_aw_sbs_2?pi=SL500_SY115&simLd=1

Is this going to be anonymous? If not, ask to borrow her car one day. Say yours is in the shop. Fill it up with gas, wash it, change the oil, whatever you can afford to do.

If she has things on layaway, go pay them off.

These are mostly all monetary things, I know, but it sounds like she may be struggling a bit on that end.

Nominate her or put her name in for draws, raffles, anything. I know the radio stations here sometimes have a week where you can nominate someone awesome for whatever. This could be a good way to do things anonymously.

If you are close to the friend, you can do little things through her. Get her a gift certificate for something, have the friend say she won it and won't use it.

Good luck!!

Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide (The Positive Parent Series) https://www.amazon.com/dp/0143109227/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_MnDmDbY5NG61G

I am not good at articulating myself, so I will suggest a book for you. Mother Nature: Maternal Instincts and How They Shape the Human Species by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy. It is not just about abortion, but motherhood from a sociological perspective. It's the book that really helped me nail down my feelings about abortion, because although I am not religious, I love babies and once felt the same way that you did.

This is one of the absolute best parenting books out there. Most of them are complete garbage. Be warned of that.

https://www.amazon.com/Elevating-Child-Care-Respectful-Parenting/dp/1499103670/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=1N4N3K0R7NG5THTXS8Q8

Hon, I think you need to check out some places like HipMama, blogs where single mothers are congregating. You're in this for the long haul, so find not only sympathy, but people who have been in exactly your place. It will help.

A lot of people like this book too - http://www.amazon.com/Single-Mothers-Survival-Guide-Other/dp/1580910637

In the meantime, take care of yourself, too. Are you in school - getting a degree or a trade? Do you have friends you can turn to?

I just saw this book being advertised and talked about, elsewhere:

https://www.amazon.com/Full-Surrogacy-Now-Feminism-Against/dp/1786637294/

If you don't want to review it (and I can't blame others for that) there's always the comments section on the RPW Liberation site, for a place males can vent about what an utterly disgusting bunch of worthless pigs feminists are ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VRVJnRwmOYE

Parenting offers us the opportunity to put an end to an abuse cycle that's often persisted for several generations. It's not at all easy to change the established patterns but it is possible and well worth pursuing. As a bonus, the process of ending an abuse cycle rewards you for your efforts by healing a lot of old wounds. The book Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort delves into this phenomenon. My suggestion for you is to pro-actively work on stocking up a parenting "tool box" of ideas and tactics to help you through difficult scenarios so that when situations arise, the tendency to fall back on what you learned from your mother will be lessened.

Also, be aware that intrusive thoughts of injuring yourself or your child can be an indicator of pre-natal and post-partum depression.

I didn't even say that. I said "many women only pretend to want kids for societal reasons" and that is based on this study and some articles relating to it. Besides, you calling it "wrong" and "insanely incorrect" isn't based on any proof, you even admitted it's just anecdotal evidence. Maybe you just prefer dating women who are the familial type and those who pretend to. Because, really, do you know how many told you the truth about that topic?

First, good job mom! You choose to not physically assault your children despite how difficult it is! I recommend this book to you. Hang in there.

Found this great book because of the /r/IAmA thing by Adam Mansbach.

Tempted to order a case of them for all the new and expecting parents at work, but not sure if it's totally appropriate. (There must've been a LOT of bonking going on 5-15 months ago, so many folks I know and work with are having babies)

Toddlers Are Assholes: It's Not Your Fault

What did you like about the philosophy that was expressed in that book?

Did you read this book (Why French Children Don't Talk Back by Catherine Crawford)?

I like these ones:

http://www.amazon.com/Newbies-Guide-Positive-Parenting/dp/149046364X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409235967&sr=8-1&keywords=the+newbie's+guide+to+positive+parenting#

http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Parenting-Action-How--Principles/dp/1490413588/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1409235903&sr=8-1&keywords=positive+parenting+in+action

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B000OVLKEA/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?qid=1415501502&sr=8-2&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70


Edit:

Forgot this link
http://www.triplep.net/glo-en/home/

I took some of their classes and loved them!

I'm more of the treat your child like a person camp, so I am loving anything by Janet Lansbury. I'm in the middle of this book and I love it.

All of these people have obviously never had a teacher that hated them. I did, and it was awful. My middle school physics teacher singled me out because of some issue she had with my much older brother who attended the same school 10 years before me. She would pick on me in class, ask me questions about areas I struggled in and ridiculed me in front of the whole class. I hated physics (still do!), had perfect A's in everything else, and barely passed that damned class. It is possible for a teacher to be a total jerk.

You need to work on her attendance issues, and if you can, get her some therapy. Sounds like your little girl is under a lot of stress from the family situation and the school. If you make it a rule that she HAS to go to school unless she has a fever, as well as talk to her about her emotions and empathize with how she feels, maybe she'll be less likely to get sick.

I'd also talk to a doctor (maybe just a therapist/child psychologist) so you have their professional opinion to report to the teacher. If a psychologist decides that your daughter is under too much stress, and can send a note to the teacher, maybe that will shut her up about being late. I was more often late than not to school, and I never struggled with anything academic in my life (except for damn physics!).

To sum up, there's definitely something emotional and psychological going on here, and you should get professional help, as well as minimize her absences. All these people on here saying that missing 20% of first grade will ruin her life should stfu. I missed a lot of school due to serious illness (weeks at a time, with the longest absence being 3 weeks), and I was still the best student in class. A person is either smart or not. As long as she is learning to read and write, she'll be fine, just make sure this stressful situation is not permanent for her.

Oh, and read this book about managing your kid's emotions, it has excellent advice! Kids, Parents and Power Struggles

Partly true. Note kanuk876's point about SIDS cases. The book he quotes looks interesting, too.

> many of the patterns of abuse and neglect that we see in cultures around the world (including, of course, our own) are neither unpredictable nor maladaptive in evolutionary terms. "Mother" Nature, as she points out, is not particularly concerned with what we call "morality."

See also this oft-linked essay by Brad Hicks

Maybe look into this book I've seen it recommended on Reddit before. I downloaded a sample so I haven't been through the whole book, but it seems like different self directed therapy exercises without the need for an actual therapist so you can work through your reasoning for becoming a mother or not.

I have been in your shoes being so tired I'm in tears. Except I wasn't pregnant so I can't even imagine how much harder it is for you.

Some breastfed babies and toddlers will sleep just fine after nursing to sleep, maybe waking 1-2 times a night for milk. But some will continue to wake up an excessive amount of times looking for milk. I have friends in real life who are experiencing both scenarios so I think it just depends on the disposition of the child. Bottom line you aren't doing anything wrong.



Night weaning can be a really great solution. My favorite approach to night weaning is the same thing /u/that_cachorro_life mentioned in this comment.

The gentle sleep consultant I worked with called it "Breast Request" and it's very gentle." The goal is to get them to fall asleep without the nipple in their mouth. This changes the sleep association of needing the nipple in their mouth to fall back asleep if they wake up in the night.

>You start to nurse to sleep like normal. Once they are nearly asleep (not fully) you pull the nipple out of their mouth. If they request it again by grabbing for it, relatching or crying you give it back immediately and resume nursing again until they are almost asleep. Then repeat by removing the nipple. Eventually they fall asleep.
>
>Eventually the process should get shorter and shorter until you can snuggle to sleep without offering the nipple at all.



I also tried cold turkey night weaning where my husband tended to the baby at night and I left the house and slept somewhere else. He did cry but my husband was there comforting him the whole time. Honestly though the crying was a lot for both of us to handle and after 5 nights of no progress we gave up. Some babies respond well to this though. And I'm mentioning it because yours might respond well if you're not in the house since she's already falling asleep for your mom when you're not there.



Another option that was successful for a friend of mine was to wear long turtle neck sweaters to bed so the milk is just not accessible. She nursed him down and then would just comfort/cuddle him back to sleep telling him the milk is all gone at night. It took about a week and now he SLEEPS THROUGH THE NIGHT. Magic right? This didn't work for us but it worked for her, every kid is different.



One other thing that works for some kids are the weaning story books like Sally Weans from Night Nursing

***

Ultimately night weaning didn't work for us at all in any form. I can speculate why but it's not really important for this post. What ended up working was weaning completely. But we did that at 2yrs 3mo. I wouldn't recommend this unless you feel ready to wean. If so I can give you tips.

Good luck, I'm so sorry you're suffering. Reach out if you need to bounce anything off of us!

I came up with the name but wanted it spelled like Koda...however my wife said Coda because of this book:

https://www.amazon.com/Black-Noses-Coda-Polar-Bear-ebook/dp/B01HOWCVLC

She wanted some type of wintery meaning to his name.

>I will not allow your child to attend public school.

You mean child prisons? No problem.

>I will not allow your child to attend public state functions that are principally funded by public stolen monies.

FTFY. Again, you propose to ID every person who might attend these functions, whatever you might be referring to, to ensure that they are vaccinated? Are you really that terrified of these extremely rare maladies that affect a tiny, tiny fraction of young people? How sad.

>I will not allow your child to qualify for public stolen monies that might introduce your child to mine.

FTFY. Not sure what that means, but I'm on board with the whole "not introducing our children" idea.

> I will not allow your child in any daycare center that accepts public funds.

Why on earth would I abandon my child to such a terrible fate? Especially one that is funded by stolen monies?

>Those that are private, I will keep my children away from.

Thank goodness.

>I advocate no violence.

Taxation is violence, or the threat thereof. "Public" is a euphemism for violence. The power of the state flows from the barrel of a gun. It is sad, but unsurprising, that you cannot see the coercion that exists all around you, in the form of the power of the state.

>YOU advocate violence, because you THINK that is my only method to make you agree to reason.

Violence is fundamentally the only tool of the Statist.

>I can easily cut you out of society.

Social ostracism is indeed powerful, but you, alone, cannot achieve this, let alone "easily". You are merely one person spouting opinions on the internet.

>That's what I'd do. It's far less physically violent, and yet, far more damaging, which makes it the better incentive to vaccinate.

I do appreciate that you do not openly advocate for violence, but I hope you realize that "socially ostracize those who choose to disagree" does not really mean "REQUIRE", which is the terminology that I was responding to. Maybe it is just a matter of having different definitions, but I think it's good to break it down. Thanks for the conversation.

>Good luck :)

To you as well. :-D