(Part 2) Top products from r/adultsurvivors

Sorry that you are going through this. I think that every survivor goes through this while healing. It's part of the process. It's a great opportunity to reach out for support and learn from others experiences.

Were you able to identify the trigger? That may be helpful if you can. I suggest that you find a copy of the book "Rewire Your Anxious Brain" (https://www.amazon.ca/dp/B00QG5SW58/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) It helps to identify where your anxiety is coming from in the brain and the book gives good advice on how to deal with it.

I often saw my progress in healing as climbing a mountain. There will be days when you make great progress and some when you back slide. There will be days when you need to rest and recuperate too. There's a beautiful valley on the other side and an awesome view from the top.

Keep reaching out for support and be gentle with yourself.

http://www.amazon.com/Body-Remembers-Psychophysiology-Treatment-Professional/dp/0393703274/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458805403&sr=8-1&keywords=the+body+remembers

http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Childhood-Sexual-Abuse-Practical/dp/1555612253/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1458805422&sr=1-1&keywords=surviving+childhood+sexual+abuse

http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-Childhood-Sexual-Abuse-Workbook/dp/1555612903/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1458805422&sr=1-2&keywords=surviving+childhood+sexual+abuse (workbook that goes with the above)

These three books have been absolutely invaluable to me as a placeholder for therapy. In fact, when I was in an intensive-outpatient day program specifically for sexual trauma, 90% of the therapy was directly out of the first book. When I could no longer afford to attend, I just went out and bought it myself.

I'm not trying to push that its better than therapy but I completely understand where you guys are at and to be honest if it's not the right time, then it's not the right time, and nothing good comes of forcing yourself before you're ready or before being sure that you will have time to open pandora's box, in a sense...at least it feels that way, anyway.

You sound very loving and supporting to be there with your girlfriend through this, and I hope you both can get some peace asap. Sending yall the best of thoughts.

I find it works best when it's a million tiny changes, that slowly, slowly add up to a healthier life. It takes a while, bit it's so, so worth it.

Catering to my situation (right now I'm healing my child aged 4-14), I re-decorated my room to have more kid-stuff in it. I got a stuffed animal that I cuddle, I got a little princess crown I wear alone, I'm giong to the salon sometimes to paint my nails purple. I basically am giving her free reign to have a happy little girly life that she always wanted. She feels safe to be who she really is. Eventually I'm going to get a little barbie doll or something for her so she has something to play with.

In terms of healing my adult self (I'm mid-20s), I have a lot of social anxiety, and I'm a waitress which is probably dumb haha, but i like the co-workers. Even if I feel like i say something super stupid, or I'm REALLY awkward (which I always am), I just remind myself that it's not my fault for being terrified of people, and that it's okay that I push people away and act a little cold because that is what kept me safe as a child.

So that was a long explanation lol, but it's little itty bitty steps and eventually you'll start to have tiny habits that are self loving and not self harming, and they're really fun to do!

Maybe talk to your therapist (or on here) about ways you self harm, and then talk about more healthy ways you can get through tough times.

I zone out on watching that tv show Friends for a few hours a day. I don't really know why... something about the show zones me out of life and I stop having as many panic attacks. Literally if I feel like I'm falling into a trigger I'll re-run an episode in my head... It's weird I'm aware, and i'm literally addicted to it... but it works for me so... sweet.

a good explanation of this is this book: https://www.amazon.ca/Courage-Heal-Workbook-Survivors-Sexual/dp/0060964375

She has a chapter dedicated to making unhealthy punishments just altered into healthy alternatives.

1. Where are your spouse -- and her mother -- most of the time on the five stages of therapeutic recovery? If one understands clearly what each stage represents as a process through and out of a mental state in at least one of the Fight / Flight / Freeze / Faint / Feign (or Fawn) Responses leading to behavioral "policies," one will act appropriately to those states.
   
   
2. If your spouse is truly adamant that you stay out of it, and you want to have "peace in the valley," you will almost surely have to do exactly that... and go to some CoDA and ACA meetings, as well as read their basic texts (see CoDA's "big blue book" and ACA's "big red book") which can very reliably be counted upon to help you do that.
   
   
3. Reading online about the "protector" in the Internal Family Systems Model will very likely help you to understand where your spouse is coming from.
   
   
4. Listening carefully in those CoDA meetings will almost surely explain her mother to you... and ultimately to your spouse IF and when she is ready to go to some and read their literature.

Hi and welcome if you’re new here.

You said you’ve been in therapy for 7 years I believe. I did a lot too and I was ok for some time until I saw a very triggering documentary in February. I think sometimes we just encounter something in life that opens our wound. And it takes time for a new scar to grow over it. Be kind to yourself and extra gentle while you’re in this period. Be patient with yourself.
Surround yourself if you can with empathetic people who value and support you.

I think talking about it in a safe place with safe people helps us cope. It takes away some of the stigma.

This will sound dumb, but try telling yourself some positive affirmations right before you fall asleep, and when you wake up. That can help disrupt the rumination soundtrack a lot of us have playing in our heads.
Rumination is damaging, and it reinforces trauma.

You were asking about books in an earlier comment thread. Lots of people have good things to say about this one although I haven’t read it yet. But it’s on my list.

The Body Keeps The Score

For males who might be reading, I’m finishing up this, and it’s been helpful Joining Forces: Empowering Male Survivors To Thrive

I think you CAN detect them, at least sometimes. I do. There are certain characteristics that my "spidey senses" pick up on that I feel in my gut.

I'd suggest the book [The Gift of Fear: And Other Survival Signals That Protect Us from Violence](http:// https://www.amazon.com/dp/0440226198/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_eiY3Db87WATP1)

I recommend this book

For men, specifically, I'd recommend:

Victims No Longer: The Classic Guide for Men Recovering from Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew

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Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter

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Don't Tell: The Sexual Abuse of Boys by Michel Dorais

Your family sexually abused you. She violated your body, your boundaries. She ignored your protests. She gaslighted you. She mocked you. As an adult, she failed to protect you. This is not okay, not then, not now, not ever. That is sexual abuse, and it was wrong of her to do. I am very sorry you had to go through this. I am angry for you.

Went through a similar experience with my family, and you’re not alone. Feeling like you’re gross, dirty, nauseated, silenced... it’s sadly all too common with sexual abuse survivors. I’m sorry. I went through EMDR & therapy to work through my trauma which has helped a lot, so I’d def suggest that. Also try to get your hands on this book and this book . <3