(Part 2) Best grief & bereavement books according to redditors
We found 780 Reddit comments discussing the best grief & bereavement books. We ranked the 254 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 21-40. You can also go back to the previous section.
I am so sorry for your loss.
Everyone processes grief differently, but as a (sometimes emotionally stunted) father who was caught completely off guard with a stillbirth at 35 weeks, I found this book incredibly helpful to verbalize many of the things I was feeling and thinking: https://www.amazon.com/Exact-Replica-Figment-My-Imagination/dp/B004WB19VC. I read some self-help type books as well, but I found a narrative experience to fit best with how raw I was feeling in real time.
As for wearing one another down, I know exactly what you mean. I'm no expert, but in my experience communication was key - especially as other people move on and things start to get back to "normal." The two of you will heal in different ways and at different times. If you are feeling especially sad, say so. If you are feeling like a burden, say so. Stay close, but give each other space when necessary. Remind each other (and yourself) that grief comes in waves, but that each wave will pass and that the most intense waves begin to spread out over time. Be gracious and quick to forgive. Ask for the same in return.
I wouldn't rely too heavily on Cullen's book for 100% facts, he's discredited by most communities that have a common morbid interest into the shooting. I do recommend the following if you're still curious for more about the incident after reading his novel.
http://www.acolumbinesite.com/ - an extremely informative site that appeared the day after the shootings. It has the most information out of anywhere else I've seen about the event.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNyX90HKWTM&feature=youtu.be - Informative documentary about the shooting. Doesn't have everything, but it's definitely interesting.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B007PS0Q3Q/ - Brooks Brown's autobiography with an emphasis on the shooting and the events that took place before and after. Highly recommend, it was a great read and it definitely helped me find answers.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1101902752 - Susan Klebold's novel; the mother of Dylan Klebold. Haven't gotten around to reading this one yet, but from what I've heard it's very informative and interesting.
Hope I helped you (or anyone else) learn more about the tragedy.
A Mother’s Reckoning
by Sue Klebold. Info about charity donations here. I recommend that anyone interested in this topic should read that, Columbine by Dave Cullen, and No Easy Answers by Brooks Brown.
I also highly recommend Sue Klebold's memoir, though I found it so emotionally heavy I couldn't bear to finish it. Maybe I'll get back to it someday.
Yes, they had a circle of friends. Like a lot of people, they weren't the popular "cool kids" but they weren't loners either. Most of those claims came from a bad information perpetuated by the media.
https://www.amazon.com/Columbine-Dave-Cullen/dp/0446546925/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=columbine+dave+cullen&qid=1573884018&sr=8-1
https://www.amazon.com/Mothers-Reckoning-Living-Aftermath-Tragedy-ebook/dp/B01208WN3G/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=columbine+sue+klebold&qid=1573884050&sr=8-1
Studying my emotions through Buddhism, I've discovered something that may apply to you. I'll describe it and you tell me.
I've found that when I'm angry, sad, frustrated, whatever, that I cannot think myself better. I can't logic myself to any point beyond "I should feel better."
Only time and being calm, accepting how I feel and not being ruled by that feeling, only that causes it to abate.
People think that therapy is about logic and making yourself feel better by talking through the problem. It's not. Learning to recognize how you feel, learning to become calm, learning to not be ruled by that emotion - that's what it's about.
So no, talking won't bring her back. It will hurt. But allowing something to fester isn't the same thing as letting something heal. Which are you doing?
Many people go into therapy and are surprised when the psych (after the first couple of sessions to explore the problem) doesn't want to listen to them bawl - they want you to work on specific things, learn certain things. It's work, not talk.
Maybe you don't need it. There's plenty of other avenues. If you find yourself trapped at home and nothing's getting done; if you find yourself stuck in a rut; if you find that nothing's getting better. Well, then try something.
For myself, I still enjoy reading A Grief Observed, a brutally honest book by C. S. Lewis written when his wife died. My mother gave it to me before she died. She always loved C. S. Lewis, as do I.
I love working with grief! The book linked below is what I built my grief therapy on. It's amazing. The stages of grief are fine and relevant but pretty meh, in my opinion. This book gives a great 4 stage approach to grief. You can probably find good info online if you type worgen and 4 stages of grief therapy. Smart dude for a werewolf
4)create new connections and a new life, while still having a healthy connection to the one lost.
Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, Fourth Edition: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner https://www.amazon.com/dp/0826101208/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_bZ26wbW2A3C4G
Just remain positive and supportive!!! She may not want to talk about all the negative feelings she's having. Reinforce that she's done a wonderful thing for the baby and the couple. Let her know that she can talk with you about any good or negative feelings she's having. It may take a couple months until she's comfortable talking about it very openly. (It took me about four-five months to stop feeling super depressed like I just wanted to die.) Now I really like talking about the adoption and the baby. But she will be going through the stages of grief; even though her baby didn't die, her baby is gone from her, so she'll still be experiencing A LOT of grief over this loss. Allow her the space and time to grief. It's not a process you can rush; it's something that comes and goes throughout life. Just call her sometimes. Check up on her. Don't forget about her. Ask her how she is. Don't forget about her!!!!! She probably already feels very isolated because it's not a normal decision anyway to place a child for adoption, and there are still people out there who think it's a crime to give up your "own flesh and blood." You can ask her directly about the baby and the adoption. Sometimes I refrain from talking about it to people who already know about it because I think they must be tired of hearing about it or aren't interested, but I'm always happy to have the opportunity to talk about it when someone asks me a question about it. Being able to retell stories and talk about our grief to another person is a very important step in being able to process grief over a loss. It does wonders to be able to have someone else be sympathetic and understanding about the situation. And of course, you won't be able to understand completely what she's feeling right now unless you too have lost a child in some way, but you can still listen and give her your support.
Some birthmothers don't like certain terms such as "giving up a child" for adoption or "surrendering" a child or "gifting" a child. Personally, I couldn't care less. But you could ask her. To be safe, you can say the child was "placed" for adoption. I haven't yet heard anyone being offended by that wording.
>I'm trying very hard not to let my own sadness known to her or let it effect any support I can give her.
Exactly. If you care about her and her well-being, do not tell her that it makes you sad. If she's sad, you can make it clear that you do empathize with her sadness, but don't tell her something like "your decision makes me sad" because that can convey a mixed message like maybe you disapprove, and that would be the opposite of what she needs right now. And it may make her not want to talk to you about the adoption anymore. She's going to be overly and sometimes irrationally sensitive for a while. She'll eventually get better.
EDIT: If you want to send her a gift, you could send her this book. It's primarily about death, but it has resonated with me a lot regarding grieving the placement of my bio child for adoption. Or you could just send her some body wash or lotion! That's always nice.
I'm sorry for your loss and hope you find some peace for yourself after the funeral.
You might find a prayer you like here. Alternatively there is a book called the pagan book of living and dying which has some good information in it.
Failing that sometimes the best prayers are just heartfelt words, so a eulogy from a child trying to honour their parent would I have no doubt make your mother proud.
>If you want to see your loved one before they go into the machine, no problem. But don't stand there weeping for 45 minutes and then collapse when I roll them into a red hot machine and they burst into flames. Also, don't stuff anything into the casket with them. Please.
Why is this a problem, though? I'm genuinely just asking.
Also, I agree with everything you wrote, but people's inability to accept death isn't because they're weak-minded, it's because we as a culture have shunted death itself to the side, and almost pretend that it doesn't exist. People aren't systematically taught how to relate to the entire concept, so it's no surprise that they're clingy and/or crazy when it actually occurs to those around them (or themselves, for that matter).
Me? I laugh loudly and cordially at funerals, because I've self-taught myself to deal with it on every level. But I recognize that it's not an element of our culture to do so.
And for anyone who wants to learn how to deal with death, I highly recommend this book.
I am incredibly sorry for your loss. You are being forced to bear the unbearable.
I am including some links below to some reading that you may find helpful- one is a memoir of a woman who experienced a 9th month stillbirth:
https://www.amazon.com/Exact-Replica-Figment-My-Imagination/dp/B004WB19VC
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And this one is newer, by Jasyon Greene, who lost his toddler. I'll include the NPR article with the link to book:
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https://www.npr.org/2019/05/14/723251416/in-once-more-we-saw-stars-grief-and-love-together
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I have not been in your shoes, but have had a later pregnancy loss, and want to let you know that your grief will be strange and frightening at times, but be kind to yourself and let it takes its path. And here is a post from a thread I've found to be very true, now that I am three years out from my loss:
​
>As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning, with wreckage all around you. Everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty and the magnificence of the ship that was, and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or a photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while, all you can do is float. Stay alive.
>
>In the beginning, the waves are 100 feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still 100 feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you and wipe you out. But in between, you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything...and the wave comes crashing. But in between waves, there is life.
>
>Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall. Or 50 feet tall. And while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming, for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will, again, come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging on to some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out.
I had to look at your comment history. i have seen you too many times today
You started commenting and posting on your account 2 days ago. Every post/comment is anti UK (about 30): either wanting to break up the UK, see it fail, talk us down as being pathetic or talk about how stupid the UK public is.
It is clear that Brexit has triggered you in some way, for that I apologize
The 5 stages of Grief are
It is clear that you are still in the anger phase, well over a year since the UK voted to leave, this is unusual and I recommend therapy.
This book I just found should help
I would recommend you get yourself a proper therapist however before you do some damage to yourself
Have a good day Sir
From life to death, beyond and back | Thomas Fleischmann
​
More proof:
Easily digestible tier:
https://topdocumentaryfilms.com/day-i-died/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwyVFW9kT8k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bw3oaNUR1iI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhANf60Y4Nk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W-PLmMwl2o
https://vimeo.com/7464750
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PX2x0FxDTs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nzz-nG5pjFg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnoIf2NwaRY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5or66dI6akU
​
World-leading research tier:
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http://www.horizonresearch.org/Uploads/Journal_Resuscitation__2_.pdf
https://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc799144/m2/1/high_res_d/vol21-no1-5.pdf
https://www.amazon.com/dp/159477451X/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594773564/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594774528/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0997560800/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0826499236/
https://trans4mind.com/spiritual/Does-consciousness.pdf
You can certainly support him in this, but you can't do it all.
His primary doctor or oncologist should refer him to a psychologist or social worker or to an integrative care specialist who can can do the same. They can point you to programs and classes to help people facing illness handle stress, e.g., meditation, yoga, etc. Anti-anxiety medication like lorazepam can be pretty effective.
Also, he should consider joining a cancer support group. There is something about sharing with other people going through similar things that is very powerful.
If he is actively religious then you may want to speak to his clergy person. You can do this even if you are not religious yourself.
You can do your part by simply being there, listening, and not judging or correcting him. What he is feeling is part of a natural process. In fact, it is a healthy sign that he is sharing his fears with you.
Some specific books that you may want to take a look at both for yourself and for him include:
Those are just off the top of my head. I will let you know if I have any other ideas. Both my parents died from cancer and I went with them through it pretty much every step of the way.
Make sure that as you go through the process of helping your father, you also take care of yourself. The more mentally and emotionally centered you are, the better you can help him. It is like when they tell you on the airplane to put on your own oxygen mask before helping a child put on theirs.
Peace and good wishes to you.
Dan
EDIT-fixed a link
My mom passed away 15 years ago when I was 13, and my dad has since become married to a woman who calls my sister's kids her grandkids.
Might I recommend Motherless Daughters? Someone (dad or sister maybe) got it for me years ago, although I can't remember what's in it, I found it very helpful to read. And now I want to reorder it and read it again...
I'm going to have a very hard time calling my MIL "grandma" to my baby, but my mom's picture hangs in my house, and she will always be in my life and her grandbaby's life.
Edit: just found another book she wrote: Motherless Mothers
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis. Helped me view my feelings in a different way, but no less awful. This is the book that I give to people that are going through this particular nightmare.
Godspeed.
This is supposed to be good, but I've never read it: The Pagan Book of Living and Dying.
This reminds me of this book, Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms -- definitely recommend it!
I read a book with similar experiences, visions, trips and crowded rooms by David Kessler. You're not crazy.
Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms: Who and What You See Before You Die https://www.amazon.com/dp/140192543X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_tai_EHp5yb6VQQT60
William Worden wrote the most comprehensive book. It’s based on his practice and meant for clinicians and competent facilitators.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0826101208/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_aBIYBbHVWNM53
Otherwise, I would recommend an imperially supported intervention like https://www.griefrecoverymethod.com/
Sorry about the loss.....
I recommend two books.
I'm sorry. I lost my mom when I was a teenager, almost 10 years ago. I haven't dealt with the grief yet. The trauma of the illness was so intense that the actual death was secondary. Anyway I spent my 20s drowning it all out with drugs and alcohol. I'm trying to deal with it all now!
The book Motherless Daughters by Hope Edelman is really great for anyone who wants some extra support. She also has a book called Letters from Motherless Daughters, which is daughters of all ages writing about their experiences, and it's so comforting feeling like you're not alone.
I love to read stuff like that too. My family always looks at me strange because I like reading about serial killers. The psychology behind what they do fascinates me.
Here is Sue Klebold's book. It's really well written:
https://smile.amazon.com/Mothers-Reckoning-Living-Aftermath-Tragedy/dp/1101902752/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1482350571&sr=8-1&keywords=sue+klebold
I will have to check out Brain on Fire. I haven't heard anything about that one.
Like you said, so many victims get overlooked because they're not the right race or socioeconomic status. Or their family isn't invested in them.
I've found William Worden's Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy handbook to be very helpful. He avoids stage models (e.g. Kübler-Ross, which wasn't originally designed for grieving the loss of others) and instead uses a four tasks of mourning model that is useful for framing the grief process therapeutically.
I am sorry that you lost your friend. Suicide is a devastating tragedy for everyone who is touched by it, and I hope you have support in trying to make sense of this.
I am a psychiatrist. I have treated a countless number of people who have had severe depression and/or attempted suicide.
Now obviously I don't know the specifics of your friend's case - what kind of treatment he had, what his life situation was, or what was going through his head when he acted on the suicidal thoughts - but based on what I have seen, I have a hard time believing that a compassionate God would allow someone to go to hell for dying of suicide, when I have seen for myself that in many cases suicide is not so much a willful rejection of life, but more like the choice of someone who has been trapped in a building that's on fire and chooses to jump out of a window to try to escape the flames.
In my opinion, this belief that people who die of suicide go to hell is from the stigma that our society has regarding mental illness, not truly something that comes from God.
Based on my experiences, I truly feel that most people who make an attempt to kill themselves are actually ambivalent to some degree. There is, at least in many cases, a part of them that truly doesn't want to die. The problem is that they are caught in a situation where their ability to cope is overwhelmed by the pain they feel, at least temporarily - and sadly sometimes circumstances lead people to act on these feelings before the situation can be resolved.
A pretty significant number of suicide attempts occur impulsively - in the setting of a sudden crisis or under the influence of alcohol or drugs (since drugs can take away the inhibitions and fear that might have otherwise stopped the person from acting on these thoughts).
I think the question of "Why does God allow suffering?" is one of the biggest questions for any religious person, and I don't think I can give you a satisfying answer. Personally, I do not see mental anguish as being all that different than physical agony - the mind and body are connected, and one can affect the other.
If you have never read it, I would strongly recommend taking a look at CS Lewis's book "A Grief Observed" (on Amazon here: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Observed-C-S-Lewis/dp/0060652381/ ) . He is brutally honest about the pain and confusion he experienced after his wife died, and I think you might find some comfort in his reflections about suffering in spite of religious faith. Another book that I think is helpful in trying to make sense of great loss and suffering is Viktor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning", a reflection on how he and other Holocaust survivors tried to find a sense of purpose in spite of such hopeless and senseless suffering : https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X/
I think it will ultimately be up to you to try to decide what meaning you will attach to your friend's death and how you make sense of it in the context of your beliefs.
Oh so sorry!
A couple of thoughts for you (sorry if you've already covered any of this). Since you're not religious, how do you approach talking to him about what happens when someone dies? We also do not go to church, but the concept of "angels" and "heaven" and "spirits" have worked their way in. Surprisingly, I find that I am ok with this. It's a little hard for me to fathom that this life on earth is all that there ever is - imagine how scary that concept would be for a little kid! When we discuss this topic, I just tell my daughter that people can never know, but you just have to determine what it is that you believe. I guess I really feel that every person has to decide this for themselves at some point.
Anyway, my husband and I still struggle with how to approach this... I guess we'll learn as we go.
Secondly - do you share some of your feelings with him? I think if you share some carefully selected feelings that might enable him to share more too? I can only assume that the more talking he can do about this, the better?
Thirdly, we have the book "The Invisible String." Have you read that? We got it for my daughter when she was having trouble separating at school. It talks about an invisible string that connects all of our hearts and you can tug on it any time you are thinking of a loved one - alive or past. It really stresses the fact that we are never really alone - b/c we carry our loved ones in our hearts. I do believe that it uses "God and/or Heaven" but not to a great extent. Again - we're not religious, but both felt comfortable with how this was handled in this book.
One other book that was introduced at one of our parenting class was this one: http://www.amazon.com/Next-Place-Warren-Hanson/dp/0931674328/ref=pd_sim_b9
I took a look when it was passed around, but never sat down to read the whole thing. Our parent educator thought it was a good one.
Best wishes and hugs to you! I'm so sorry for your loss and grief.
For anyone curious, the woman talking at the beginning is Roshi Joan Halifax. Abbot and founder of the Upaya Zen Center in New Mexico. She wrote a really great book called Being With Dying that was inspirational to me.
Recent changes have only made it worse for everyone too. Trust me, you are not alone. It's hard to feel like you have community right now especially. But when you go to get coffee you are actually surrounded by plenty of people experiencing the same thing.
Normal life isn't for everyone. Reddit's van dwellers sub has plenty of well thought-out evidence for that.
I would just advise, don't make it harder on yourself than life has to be. There's roughing it and there's being a martyr. Don't be a martyr. You can enjoy traveling the world or just camping out in the same place. But pursue what makes you happy.
And you are allowed to be happy. In spite of what those negative thoughts in your (and our) heads try to tell us so often. We really have to figure out how to keep those negative thoughts in check. And we have to define what is happy for each of us. But happy definitely does not mean ecstatically jumping up and down every day. It means more of something like being content with what you have and having gratitude for what you have. If you only have one cast-iron pot, love that pot and treat it well. That's happiness. It doesn't have to be any more complicated than that.
Thriving with Social Anxiety is a good book for the broad approach and has very practical advice for dealing with yourself when you have to deal with other people. And writing things out helps. You can keep a very simple journal of your thoughts using this bullet journal format (like bullet points, a fast journaling style) to work on your reactions to stress. Or you can also use a worksheet/grid format and have it ready for when you need a good way to evaluate negative experience. With a little practice you can handle it better. And just replace the words "anxiety" and "ptsd" in the linked sheets with anger, frustration, depression, whatever strong emotion is bothering you the most. All these emotions revolve around similar causes and the techniques are the same.
Having the information on your thoughts and techniques you are using in one place like in a journal is very helpful for staying focused on what you are working on. It's like an external memory system. And if you forget to do it for a while, it's still right there and you can pick up where you left off when you need it again. It's there for you. You can take it with you to therapy sessions as well to help keep track of what you really want to talk about.
The last thing I can offer is, we need more than just therapy. We need a way of embracing the world that lets us view it sometimes from a larger perspective (dialed out), and sometimes from a closer, nuts and bolts, day to day approach (dialed in). For that I've personally really grown to like reading about Stoicism. How to be a Stoic is a great introduction, written by a therapist. It's much more accessible than other books I've tried and it adds a layer on top of therapy that has helped me a lot.
Whatever road you take, don't be hard on yourself. You're working on it, you're trying to improve yourself. So cut yourself some slack, don't beat yourself up when you have an "anger episode". The more you work on it the fewer and farther between they will be. Don't get mad at yourself for getting mad, that only compounds the problem. Use the tools you gain to learn from each experience. And take a moment each day to appreciate where and who you are right now. Good luck!
The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction is pretty good. Therapy and AA (or some equivalent) are probably going to be most helpful, if you're not doing that already.
That's never easy. You're not going to move past it, especially not that fast. You're going to grieve and it's going to hurt. But you're going to learn to cope. You're not going to "get over it" but you're going to find a way to proceed with your life as is.
I'd recommend reading No Time to Say Goodbye by Carla Fine if and when you feel you're ready. It's a really good read that might provide you with some perspective. Don't forget to keep supportive people close to you. It's okay to have alone time if you need that, but don't isolate yourself. I'm sorry you lost your cousin. I'm sorry you're going through that pain. All the best, OP.
When counseling isn't an option, workbooks like this can be useful. If you're interested in that sort of thing, you could make another post asking folks for suggestions more specific to your situation. Good luck and stick with it!
There's a book I read to my friend's 9 year old son when a mutual friend was killed in a car wreck. It's called "The Next Place" it's what I would recommend.
The problem with pain and evil is that we don't really know.
I firmly believe that the Creator didn't intend for any of this, yet that unhinges a whole bunch of presuppositions about what the Creator is like; such as immutability, impassibility, even omniscience.
For me the root question was "If GOD knew the outcome of creation before creation, doesn't that make GOD ultimately responsible?"
There are no definitive answers for theodicy. There are guesses and suggestions, frameworks and world views.
Our conception of GOD; that primary view of GOD's attributes will influence so much of how we understand suffering and pain.
The best framework for me is Open Theism.
Here are some awesome resources for what has proved so vital for my faith regarding pain and suffering:
1)The Crucified GOD - Jurgen Moltmann - an awesome book (if not a little on the academic end) thinking through Jesus and suffering.
2) Is GOD to Blame? - Greg Boyd - a much easier to read book exploring these very questions.
3)The Openness of GOD - Pinnock et. al. - for me this is the gold standard. It isn't too dry and heady but isn't weak on research either.
Awesome question and I love that quote from your brother.
First, sorry for your loss. I haven't gone through miscarriage myself, but I've seen both my sisters-in-law and my sister go through it, and I've seen how hard it is even for people who believe their babies have gone to heaven.
I don't know if this book will help you, as a still birth isn't quite the same as a miscarriage, but I thought of it when I saw this. It's about the experiences of a woman whose first child died shortly before the due date. I think you'll laugh and cry, and I hope it will help you to recover from your own grief. It's called An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination: A Memoir. Link to Amazon.
A. Determine whether or not there is in fact a spirit or a past life memory or whether your spirit self is travelling to other planes/worlds/dimensions wtc.
B. If there is determine what they need. Then to the best of your ability do what needs to be done to do that.
C. Like any other ritual call your corners, cast your circle and ask for the Lady and Lord to join for the purpose of helping her spirit to cross.
*If you are psychic and have the ability to communicate with your guides/angels for help in directing you in what needs to be done ritually for this specific spirit and when directed say/do release said spirit through the veil.
**If you are not psychicay awakened do C. and then ask for either the Lady and Lord or archangel Michael to take the spirit through the veil and protect the spirit until it reaches the otherworld/summerlands etc.
I often use prayers that are suitable to the spirit's situation from The Pagan Book of Living and Dying. http://www.amazon.com/The-Pagan-Book-Living-Dying/dp/0062515160
This is normal.
The best book on death, what's normal, and how to cope, is On Death and Dying by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross. It's short but powerful.
This book was amazing.
Emotional: Don't use the words "your loss." Try "your child, your son, your daughter." Since it was the 2nd trimester, she likely knows the sex. Also, don't use the "You can try again" line. No woman who has lost their baby wants to hear that. They just want that baby back.
Practical: If she doesn't have a heating pad, buy her one. Recovery from D&C can be rough sometimes.
If she's looking for support, you can also recommend this website. The ladies there are super nice, and have all gone through MCs themselves.
From life to death, beyond and back | Thomas Fleischmann
​
Easily digestible tier:
https://topdocumentaryfilms.com/day-i-died/
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwyVFW9kT8k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bw3oaNUR1iI
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhANf60Y4Nk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_W-PLmMwl2o
https://vimeo.com/7464750
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PX2x0FxDTs
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nzz-nG5pjFg
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnoIf2NwaRY
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5or66dI6akU
​
World-leading research tier:
http://www.horizonresearch.org/Uploads/Journal_Resuscitation__2_.pdf
https://digital.library.unt.edu/ark:/67531/metadc799144/m2/1/high_res_d/vol21-no1-5.pdf
https://www.amazon.com/dp/159477451X/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594773564/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1594774528/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0997560800/
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0826499236/
https://trans4mind.com/spiritual/Does-consciousness.pdf
I don't find Lee Strobel hyper convincing either.
I think there are inherent limitations to a youtube debate format. You may want to read extended arguments in order to get the full "meat" of what's being said. For whatever perspective you're looking for.
Is God to blame? by Greg Boyd is good (for popular level stuff).
He also wrote "Letters from a skeptic" where he conversed with his agnostic father, though I liked it a little less.
A third book Boyd wrote is "Benefit on the doubt" which is about allowing doubts as part of our faith.
N.T. Wright is pretty good for arguments about the ressurection. He has a super long book. Here's a shorter version of the argument.
Tim Keller is popular as well. He shorthands more academic arguments in an accessible way.
But for more in depth takes you're going to have to go to more academic philosophy.
But for more personal stuff, I've found other folks more personally moving than proofs. I mentioned some in another comment.
CS Lewis' "A Grief Observed" helped me deal with grief tremendously. Short but powerful book.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0060652381/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_hvTzDbSB8KB8H
Oh no picking furniture yet - just browsing. We aren't ready yet. Sigh.
I'm reading An Exact Replica of a Figment of My Imagination -- trigger: its about stillbirth (full term, too). Its very well written, but you WILL cry.
Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms: Who and What You See Before You Die
Surviving Death: A Journalist Investigates Evidence for an Afterlife
Not quite "paranormal" but Fingerprints of the Gods is a very interesting read.
I lost my mom at a young age (12). I suggest this book the author lost her mom as well, and wrote it because she felt there were no resources. Reading the book didn't solve any problems for me, but I felt less alone.
Grief is cyclical. Major life events--my first boyfriend, graduating high school, & graduating college have all been bitter sweet. Often, more bitter. There have been really dark times since my mom passed, but also amazing times I couldn't have imagined. Right now I'm dealing with one of those valleys, but I know in life everything is transient, nothing sticks. Something has to give. Through the hard times, eventually something good will happen.
I suppressed my grief for a long time, and it made things worse. I now have rituals I do that have helped. On my mom's birthday I place flowers on her grave. Whenever I'm missing her I'll watch movies we use to watch together. I've written letters to her, and sometimes I even have imaginary conversations. I still have a relationship with her, even though she has passed. I really believe that when someone you love dies, the relationship doesn't end with their life.
I.do this with anxiety and assuming the absolute worst. When you hear your self say something negative. You stop you and break it I down logically. I ussually will think about if some one else made this mistake would I think they are a dumb shit or would I shrug and think oh well mistakes happen. Then I tell myself I am a good person to and I made a mistake. I'm not a POS. It takes a awhile to really make progress but It will eventually start becoming habit and you will feel a little less heavy hearted
If you cant access Cognitive behavioural therapy(CBT). There are lots of books out there. My favorite book focuses on mindfulness and addiction but It really helps with these thought processes too.
Here's the book and there others recommended if you wanna find something that focuses only on self esteem. A lot of us in recovery have have lived with abuse on some form and have lots of self-esteem issues. This book can definitely be applied to self esteem issues though
The Mindfulness Workbook for Addiction: A Guide to Coping with the Grief, Stress and Anger that Trigger Addictive Behaviors (A New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1608823407/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_9YEADbXPF49XX
The things I loved most in rehab were the little things that I took for granted outside. Gum, chocolate bars, soda, candy.
I bought this for myself for my birthday this year, and I've really been enjoying it so far.
If he's into 12-step recovery, something like this. Or if he's more into holistic/cognitive type recovery, maybe something like this.
I love working with grief! The book linked below is what I built my grief therapy on. It's amazing. The stages of grief are fine and relevant but pretty meh, in my opinion. This book gives a great 4 stage approach to grief. You can probably find good info online if you type worgen and 4 stages of grief therapy. Smart dude for a werewolf
4)create new connections and a new life, while still having a healthy connection to the one lost.
Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy, Fourth Edition: A Handbook for the Mental Health Practitioner https://www.amazon.com/dp/0826101208/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awd_bZ26wbW2A3C4G
It might be worth revisiting Columbine for yourself, because there was a lot of reactionary hate there as well, not just 'oh killing our bullies'.
Klebold's mom released a book earlier this year, and she's talked about making public the tapes she found of her son talking with Harris for prrrrrretty much exactly this reason.
She might not be, but Joan Halifax has a great book on the topic of what a dying grandmother might be interested in: Being With Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death
"In this moving meditation on palliative care, Halifax tells a story about a dying Zen teacher who confesses to his students: Maybe I will die in fear or pain. Remember there is no right way. This sentiment forms the core of a book that provides practical and philosophical guidance to caregivers. Drawing on her 30 years of experience in the contemplative care of the dying, Halifax honestly enumerates the challenges of being with the dying while exalting it as a school for unlearning the patterns of resistance... [it] enjoins us to be still, let go, listen, and be open to the unknown. According to Halifax, bearing witness to dying can teach innumerable lessons to the living—assuming we give up our tight control strategies, our ideas of what it means to die well. Halifax is a Zen priest, and while many of her teachings derive from Buddhism, her supremely readable book will attract readers of all faiths who will appreciate her clarity and compassion and the poignancy of these stories of ordinary people facing their final hours with quiet courage."
Sorry to have misunderstood you. My 4 year old has been getting up at the butt-crack of dawn for the last few days, and since I'm always running on an energy deficit because of my MS, now my reading comprehension has taken a bit of a hit. He's back in school today, so he should be pretty worn out, and I'll get some freaking sleep.
On Death and Dying is the number one resource that I recommend. If books on grief had a gold standard, this would be it.
Healing After Loss is another good one that I often recommended.
I wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is one I wish I'd had during my brief time doing grief counseling, because almost all of my patients lost someone suddenly and tragically.
How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies is another old one that's still relevant)
Getting to the Other Side of Grief is one that is specific to losing a spouse.
I personally used The Grief Recovery Handbook and I recommend it so often I should really put it on business cards, but your friend might do better with the workbook that goes with I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye.
A Grief Workbook for Skeptics is brand new and I haven't had a chance to flip though it at the library, but it's nice to see a book address the grieving process for atheists/agnostics. Not that the other books I recommended are religious-y, but atheists (like my husband) do have different grief needs than theists, and it's good to see those getting addressed.
Incidentally, I'm not a social worker anymore. I quit this morning. Not my job, I quit my career. I have MS, and it has finally come to the point that I can't work in any capacity, whether as a social worker or a dog walker or one of those people who dress up in banana suits and stand on busy streets spinning signs to get you to go buy a cellphone or something. I'll be applying for disability tomorrow. So henceforth, take my opinions as that of a former social worker.
Please give my condolences to your friend. They say that losing a child is the worst kind of grief imaginable. And it was (and sometimes is) pretty fucking horrible. But despite going through that, and two traumatic pregnancy losses, the thought of losing a spouse is terrifying to me. I can't wrap my brain around how I could function after that, and I'm saddened to hear that your friend has to live that nightmare. I hope one or more of these books is helpful. The only thing I think I can contribute is something someone once told me after my son died, when I was drowning in grief and wanted to know when it would go away. It never goes away, but one day you wake up and find that you don't mind carrying it with you anymore. It becomes a part of who you are. If you think that your friend would be helped by hearing that, pass it along, but if not just tell them that I'm sorry for their loss.
On Death and Dying is considered the standard on the subject. Pretty easy read.
A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy
I'm only a few chapters in and I've found it fascinating so far. She started up front saying that she wanted to write about what she was truly feeling, and she wasn't going to hold anything back, even if it made her look back. She talks about how the first day or two she wasn't even thinking about the victims much. She did think about them later but for her, it was a personal tragedy with the loss of her son, plus she was in denial that he could have purposefully done it. She was inwardly focused. I phrased it horribly, but she wrote about it really well.
I suddenly lost my mom in late 2012, and then my dad unexpectedly in 2014. I was 26, and am also an only child. the years that followed were the absolute worst of my life.
I managed for about two months after my dad's death before I sought grief counseling. every aspect of my life was rapidly deteriorating, including my relationship. grief of this kind is often considered 'complex,' and can require more resources to manage. this is especially relevant considering that you directly cared for your dad and witnessed his death. that experience was very likely traumatic for you.
I also had a complicated, strained relationship with my mother, and had just begun to bond with her when she died. therapy expanded to cover many of those issues as well. this book was prescribed to me at the time and proved resourceful.
the isolation was one of the most difficult things for me to endure – the fact that no one immediately around you can truly understand. it was absolutely suffocating at times. it felt as though I was violently flung off-world into some other dimension through which I could only observe, not connect. I couldn't relate to anyone and no one could relate to me. the wall separating me from everything else felt impenetrable, and the emptiness was vast. I turned inward, and what little energy I had went toward resolving the estate, my relationship, and surviving day-to-day. I lost my social circle, and my extended family is still estranged. some people will expect you to be who you were before, to be 'okay' again on their timeline. I chose to let those associations go.
accommodating my grief and memorializing my parents have been important and cathartic for me. I have traditions surrounding death anniversaries and birthdays, and try to be kind to myself on holidays. it serves to soften the dread surrounding those dates over time, and helps me to feel closer to them. I have a small shrine in my home that contains their urns and sentimental objects. I've used many items from their house that fit my aesthetic to decorate my own. I also have a spare room and basement stacked floor-to-ceiling with boxes from their estate that I haven't managed to sort through yet, but. it all contributes to feeling as though they're still present in some way.
I also got a dog. I'm not sure that's something I would actually recommend, but it kind of impulsively happened and his companionship is precious to me. he caused me to smile on many days that I otherwise wouldn't have.
this time of year is particularly hard for me because it's jam-packed with death days, birthdays, mother's day and father's day. winter holidays can be difficult as well. I have some respite during other months. it's how life is for me now: grief-seasons and off-seasons. it becomes more manageable and my life no longer feels like a high-speed trainwreck, but grief is still an integral part of my existence. I try to accept it as best I can, despite how exhausting it can be. it's some(albeit very fucking heavy)thing that you gradually learn to carry with you.
I highly recommend this Book
I think This Video kind of summarizes the best way (imo) to think think about death and how it impacts our lives.
You can find the full Interview here
A good book to read would be Kubler-Ross's On Grief and Grieving.
We just lost a dear friend (from diagnosis to death - 3 months) ourselves. As one person mentioned, please try to write down your thoughts. It's a form of therapy. I'm so sorry for your loss.
Join a support group: https://afsp.org/find-support/ive-lost-someone/find-a-support-group/
Affordable counseling: https://openpathcollective.org/
Book to read: https://www.amazon.com/No-Time-Say-Goodbye-Surviving/dp/0385485514
Things will get better.
a Buddhist teacher who works in hospice has something to say on the subject.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1250074657
The two negative reviews (both 3-star) seemed to share good information. I didn't read the 5-star reviews.
>Frank Ostaseski is a Buddhist teacher and leader in contemplative end-of-life care. In 1987, he co-founded of the Zen Hospice Project and later created the Metta Institute to train professionals in compassionate, mindfulness-based care. He has lectured at Harvard Medical School, the Mayo Clinic, Wisdom.2.0 and teaches at major spiritual centers around the globe. His work has been featured on the Bill Moyers PBS series On Our Own Terms, The Oprah Winfrey Show, and in numerous print publications. In 2001, he was honored by the Dalai Lama for his compassionate service to the dying and their families. He is the author of The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully. More info: http://www.fiveinvitations.com
"Is God to Blame? Moving Beyond Pat Answers to the Problem of Suffering" by Greg Boyd. Full disclosure, I've only read a chapter of the book a while ago, but I hate rote answers of "God's allowing evil to teach us a lesson" or "so we can help others who experience evil" or similar notions. I've hated the idea that God could do something like, "Hmm, if this kid got raped by their uncle, then they'll be able to grow from it and help others." Personally, while I think God can make good things out of our bad experiences, I do not believe God wills evil to be done to us. I believe evil is the result of going against God's will, but the good that can come out of it is part of God's redeeming power in our lives.
Is God to Blame? Moving Beyond Pat Answers to the Problem of Suffering https://www.amazon.com/dp/0830823948/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_yvsXCbH4SYTMV
My mom passed away in August after a 5 year battle with cancer. This book is really helping me get through it. There are right and wrong ways to greive so a book like this (written by someone with actual training in psycology), or some form of professional counselling can help keep you on a healthy path. It does get easier with time.
Book to try: "The Next Place" by Warren Hanson. I'll try to upload a pic of my favorite page if you want.
Autogenerated.
[#997|+1730|119] Over the past 30 years I’ve witnessed over 1,000 deaths. I’ve realized life’s precarious nature, and appreciate its preciousness. AMA! [/r/IAmA]
-----------------------------------------------------------
underpopular :
>Hi reddit, my name is [Frank Ostaseski](https://fiveinvitations.com/about-
frank-ostaseski/). I’ve spent the past 30 years sitting bedside with a few
thousand people as they took their final breaths. In 1987, I cofounded the Zen
Hospice Project, the first Buddhist hospice in America. In 2005, I founded the
Metta Institute to train healthcare clinicians and family caregivers in mindful
and compassionate approaches to end of life care. > >Some people that I
companioned came to their deaths full of disappointment and turned toward the
wall in hopelessness. Others blossomed and stepped through that door full of
wonder. All of them were my teachers. These people invited me into their most
vulnerable moments and made it possible for me to get up close and personal
with death. In the process, they taught me how to live. I wrote about those
lessons and more in my book [The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can
Teach Us About Living Fully](https://www.amazon.com/Five-Invitations-
Discovering-Death-Living/dp/1250074657). You can read more about it here if
you’d like www.fiveinvitations.com > >If you want the tl;dr of the book, the
main points are: > >1. Don’t Wait >2. Welcome Everything, Push Nothing Away >3.
Bring Your Whole Self To An Experience >4. Find A Place To Rest in the middle
of Things >5. Cultivate a ‘Don’t Know’ Mind > >Happy to explore those in more
detail or anything else you’d like to talk about. AMA! > >My Proof:
http://imgur.com/a/kcxN9 > >UPDATE: Thanks everyone for the great questions.
This has been a ton of fun, but I've got to sign off for now. Thanks again!
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IamAbot_v01. Alpha version. Under care of /u/oppon.
Comment 1 of 1
Updated at 2017-09-02 09:04:19.312254
This is the final update to this thread
They’re both by Massimo Pagliuci...
I’m gonna guess it is this first link here
How to Be a Stoic: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1541644530/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_lu20CbT2HRD2H
Here’s the other one
How To Be A Stoic: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Living https://www.amazon.com/dp/184604507X/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_c_api_i_iv20Cb2NSJT2N
Read a bit about Stoicism. It may help you with these stressful moments in life.
Sorry about that! https://www.amazon.com/dp/0316027669/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_4MNODbT1WNPWA
I read a lot of non-fiction, but only one book recently i took to heart: How to Be a Stoic: Using Ancient Philosophy to Live a Modern Life.
​
I never though that from all things i'll fond a philosophy book. It's great! It's written in beautiful, modern language. It's make you think new things. It's connected me to the past as no history book ever could. And, as the title says - Stoicism is superbly relevant to our times.
Highly recommend it.
Long time listener first time caller.
I don’t know if you’re still looking for books but if you are, you might want to look at On Grief and Grieving
Modern Loss is a great website and I also like their book: Modern Loss
Sorry for your loss.
My brother killed himself 3 years ago. He called 911 and told them not to have our parents enter his house, and to send a medical examiner first. I guess I couldn't imagine stumbling upon what you saw.
Afterwards, the insurance company (either his or my father's) sent over a stack of "self help" books about dealing with suicide.
One of them I thought was a great book.
No Time to Say Goodbye
It was mostly a collection of stories form a lot of people about their experiences with the aftermath of a suicide. I think hearing the stories behind other people's handling of suicide was helpful to me.
It is so hard when you lose your mom. I lost mine at 20. I still miss her everyday. But, I also realize that I have a pretty great life, and I can do this without her (because I have to). When I miss her, I try to imagine what she might say to me. I've also found that talking to my Dad about what she might have said is helpful too.
If none of that floats your boat, try to find other "mom figures" that you can go to for advice. That might be a grandparent, aunt/uncle, older sister/brother, older cousin, co-worker, friend, etc. I have several different people that I go to for mom-like advice when I need it. Some are women, some are not. Some are older than me, some are not. But I know what I can go to each one for (some are good for kid stuff, others are great for job stuff, etc).
You will always miss your mom. No one will ever love you the way your mom loved you. But, life goes on and you can go on and be happy and healthy. Everyone has sorrows in their life. Some people have moms that died. Others have moms that left for one reason or another. Others have moms that just aren't great moms (see many posts in this sub). You can do it.
P.S. It might help you to read the book Motherless Daughters. I found it helpful to hear stories of other women who had lost their moms. You are not alone. You are loved. You can do this!
Academic:
Part 1: God at War: The Bible & Spiritual Conflict
Part 2: Satan & the Problem of Evil: Constructing a Trinitarian Warfare Theodicy
Popular Level:
Is God to Blame? Moving Beyond Pat Answers to the Problem of Suffering
Have fun!
It is a 9-page document put together by Joan Halifax as a sort of guide to a daily meditation on the topic death. I first came across it while reading her book titled Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death.
The introduction states the following:
"The Nine Contemplations that follow offer a way to explore the inevitability of death and what is important to us in the light of our mortality. The practice asks us to question what we are doing in our life at this very moment and to see what is important for us to do in order to prepare for death. The contemplations come from Atisha, an eleventh-century Tibetan Buddhist scholar, who systematized the method for generating an enlightened mind. This practice is based on the work of Larry Rosenberg."
At the end, the nine points to consider are summarized in this way:
"Death is inevitable. Our life span is decreasing continuously. Death will come regardless of whether we are prepared for it. Human life expectancy is uncertain. Death has many causes. The human body is fragile and vulnerable. Our friends cannot keep us from death. Our material resources cannot help us at the moment of death. And our own body cannot help us at the time of death."
read this book http://www.amazon.com/Death-Dying-Elisabeth-Kubler-Ross/dp/0684839385
>Hi reddit, my name is Frank Ostaseski. I’ve spent the past 30 years sitting bedside with a few thousand people as they took their final breaths. In 1987, I cofounded the Zen Hospice Project, the first Buddhist hospice in America. In 2005, I founded the Metta Institute to train healthcare clinicians and family caregivers in mindful and compassionate approaches to end of life care.
>
>Some people that I companioned came to their deaths full of disappointment and turned toward the wall in hopelessness. Others blossomed and stepped through that door full of wonder. All of them were my teachers. These people invited me into their most vulnerable moments and made it possible for me to get up close and personal with death. In the process, they taught me how to live. I wrote about those lessons and more in my book The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully. You can read more about it here if you’d like www.fiveinvitations.com
>
>If you want the tl;dr of the book, the main points are:
>
>1. Don’t Wait
>2. Welcome Everything, Push Nothing Away
>3. Bring Your Whole Self To An Experience
>4. Find A Place To Rest in the middle of Things
>5. Cultivate a ‘Don’t Know’ Mind
>
>Happy to explore those in more detail or anything else you’d like to talk about. AMA!
>
>My Proof: http://imgur.com/a/kcxN9
>
>UPDATE: Thanks everyone for the great questions. This has been a ton of fun, but I've got to sign off for now. Thanks again!
I am sorry for your loss, if you need any support PM me, I am here.
The best advice I can give you right now is let everyone know that the coven will go on and the cycle will continue as it always has. Next you need to deal with the emotional loss, (the pagan book of living and dying)[http://www.amazon.com/Pagan-Book-Living-Dying-Meditations/dp/0062515160] can give you ideas for a rit in the group but I suspect you've been in long enough you could write a rit standing on your head. Long term you need to look at who to start training as a high priestess, look for someone who felt the loss, let it hurt, then moved on and started taking a leadership role naturally, without trying to supplant you, she will most likely be your best bet.