I've been studying the Wim Hof method for about five years. I was one of the first people to learn it from him in Poland. I'm also an investigative journalist and someone who was very skeptical of the super-human sounding claims that he makes. When I went to visit him my plan was to out him as a charlatan, but it didn't turn out that way. In a week I really started to see the benefits. And it just got better from there. I've accomplished pretty amazing things with the method--most notably hiking up Mount Kilimanjaro shirtless last year in January. I have a book coming out about my experiences with him in a few days. You can see a trailer about it if you're interested.

If you want to learn the method there is a 10-week course online that will keep you to a schedule as you train, but it's not really necessary if you don't want to splurge on it. The core is learning the breathing method and becoming comfortable in cold water.

Been single for about 8 months feeling that pretty hard man


Edit: everyone else who’s going through worse shit than me I feel for you. I’d reccomend two books if you are interested in getting your shit together particularly if you are a young male although these could help anyone of any gender or background in my opinion:

12 Rules for Life by Jordan B Peterson

And:

Tools of Titans by Tim Ferriss

12 rules for life is more just a good book to read if you are lost and need a book to get your shit together while tools for titans is more of a reference book for life that you can look back on when dealing with a particular part of your life that is difficult. It’s split into 3 sections called: Health, Wealth, and Happiness. Each section has people who’ve really succeeded in accomplishing great things in those categories writing about said success. I wish you all the best.

You can find out on October 18th-- that is if you pre-order Willam's book "Suck Less: Where There's a Willam, There's a Way" on Amazon.

 

That's "Suck Less: Where There's a Willam, There's a Way." available for pre-order on Amazon dot com-- wink.

> "Going to bed mad won't kill a relationship, but waking up unhappy will. Each new day should yield so many new possibilities, and feeling like you're stuck somewhere you don't wanna be is the pits."

From the book, "SUCK LESS: Where there's a Willam, There's a Way" by Willam Belli, aka, /u/noextrai .

Willam Belli New book?

https://www.amazon.com/Suck-Less-Where-Theres-Willam/dp/1455566195

Real talk, here's how you get your shit sorted:

1. Read 12 Rules For Life by Jordan Peterson.
   
   
2. Take some time to figure out what you're actually good at. Go to a community college and try out some skilled trades maybe.
   
   
3. Get your body and mind in shape. Stop watching TV. Work out. Read. Make a serious effort to eat right. Take some pride in your appearance. Learn how to project confidence even if you're an ugly fucker.
   
   
4. Do not go into debt for any reason. If you have debt, pay it off.
   
   
5. Tap your network. Figure out who you know who can help you get a job. A real job, not some bullshit like stocking shelves or being a pig or a teacher or some gay shit like that. Ask men in your life who are in their 40s/50s and have good high-earning careers what you should do to be in their shoes. I guarantee with a little looking you can find someone who's done well for themselves without a college degree.
   
   
6. If you do go back to college, and you might want to, do not do it to be a teacher or a cop or some other poor as fuck profession. Let me spell it out for you. STEM, economics, a trade, or bust.
   
   
7. Don't kill anyone, don't get anyone pregnant. Everything else you can recover from.

Dude, I love you asking about books!

•Codependent No More

•No More Mr. Nice Guy -I was raised by a very Beta father, and influences significantly by feminism over my education through teachers and friends’ parents. These two books helped break that and accept it is okay to be a fucking male and make your own way in this society.

•The 3rd is not a book but a podcast: The MFCEO Project also available on SoundCloud, and stitcher. I linked episode 107 because it greatly influenced how I structure my approach for life. I also highly recommend episode 141, the battleground mentality, it also helps address approaching society and how we make excuses.

•Way of the Wolf - teaches business principals with a tried and true system. It isn’t for everyone but Straight Line selling is a very powerful tool.

•Discipline Equals Freedom -This wasn’t as influential for me as I had already placed the development tools it teaches into place, but for anyone starting off on their self development journey I highly recommend it.

Your title sentence - "I love meditating but I love suffering more" - is profound. It applies to most of us, but we'll never admit it like you have.

There's comfort in staying with (and indulging) the things that cause us to suffer, which is why so many are never able to break away from such conditioned behavior and habitual actions/reactions.

Don't be too hard on yourself - the fact that you are aware of it and openly discuss it puts you way ahead of the crowd.

Have you read Tolle? He discusses this in detail, and I found it to be very insightful. I highly suggest reading (or listening to) "Practicing the Power of Now".

Motivation is driven by purpose, not Monetary Incentives

Monetary bonuses can backfire

[The relationship between pay and job satisfaction: A meta-analysis
of the literature](http://www.timothy-judge.com/Judge,%20Piccolo,%20Podsakoff,%20et%20al.%20(JVB%202010%29.pdf). You can read a good summary here

Make More Money by Making Your Employees Happy a book on the topic.

What Really Motivates Employees? article on Forbes.

If you want some empirical evidence just look at doctors, nurses, teachers, social workers, police officers. This are all crappy jobs with long hours, low pay and full of potential dangers, but plenty of people do what has to be done, because they believe they're making a difference, they're doing something good for society. Other good examples are open sources softwar: firefox, linux, wikipedia. All built by volounteers and all good enough to compete with founded projects like chrome, windows and encarta.

The best way to make an employee more productive is to make him more engaged in his work, but this is not done in many companies, because often it means giving the employee more freedom and tis is against accepted management techniques. (How many bosses you know are willing to give autonomy to their subordinates?)

Edit: I forgot this book: Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us which is probably the best example.

Getting Things Done (GTD) is a classic for a reason. When I've implemented it I had the "mind like water" that the author puts as a goal. The other thing I love about it is that it allows for bottom up organization. You can just dive in and use it to better your life immediately. Lots of books want you to sit down and plan you perfect life before you can use the system. This doesn't do that and that's great.

How to win friends and influence people is another classic. I've been impressed with the people who took dale carnegie courses and the book has some good stuff in it, though I haven't re-read it recently so I'm not sure how actionable it is.

The Tools is a great book. It isn't for everyone and every part isn't for everyone. But it gives 5 actionable brief mental exercises that do what they purport to do. Each exercise or Tool is designed to counter a specific problem many people have. The authors are therapists and the Tools come from their practices. Many of them are very woo sounding, but if its stupid and it works then it ain't stupid. Every Tool I've used has worked, often shockingly well. But I haven't used them all because they don't all apply to me.

The real reason why he won't debate systems of Economics? Let us take a look at their educational & publishing backgrounds alone.

Jordan Peterson

Education:

• University of Alberta, B.A. political science
  
• McGill University, Ph.D., clinical psychology
  
  -Books:
  
  
• 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos Jan 23, 2018
  
• Maps of Meaning Jun 12, 2018
  
• Political Correctness Gone Mad? Nov 01, 2018
  
  Richard D. Wolff
  
  Education:
  
  
• Harvard, BA history, magna cum laude
  
• Stanford, MA Economics
  
• Yale University, MA Economics
  
• Yale University, PhD Economics
  
  Books:
  
  Contending Economic Theories: Neoclassical, Keynesian, and Marxian (The MIT Press) Sep 07, 2012 (College Textbook)
  
  Democracy at Work: A Cure for Capitalism Oct 02, 2012
  
  Capitalism's Crisis Deepens: Essays on the Global Economic Meltdown May 30, 2016
  
  Occupy the Economy: Challenging Capitalism (City Lights Open Media) May 08, 2012
  
  Capitalism Hits the Fan Sep 10, 2012
  
  Economics: Marxian versus Neoclassical Aug 01, 1987 (College Textbook)
  
  New Departures in Marxian Theory (Economics as Social Theory) Sep 27, 2006
  
  Economics of Colonialism: Britain and Kenya, 1870-1930 (Yale series in economic history) (Ph.D. Thesis)

I would say, but you probably won't finish it /s

Oddly enough The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck was a really round-about way of achieving discipline. By building up the practice of saying NO to others, I also built up the ability to say NO to myself ("NO, you don't get five-more-minutes of sleep, you need to get up and work-out")

http://amzn.com/0316270725



The Obstacle Is the Way is another solid one. While a cliffnotes version would be preferable, the gist is akin to JFK's quote "We choose to do these things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard" (paraphrased)

http://amzn.com/B00G3L1B8K

I was younger than almost my entire team, only had 2 others younger than me of a 7 person team. It can be a bit challenging but the key thing to remember is that you were hired for your skills to be a people manager and they are the professionals in their skills.

There was probably someone on that team wanted your job. I tend to acknowledge their desire for leadership positions and ask them if that is what they still want in their career. If so then we make a plan to help make them more marketable for the next role or as my "heir-apparent" when the time comes.

Be humble and let their expertise and opinions be a welcome thing. It is paramount to hear their advice and more importantly to hear why things are done the way they are. People (typically) don't do things without a good reason. Respect that.

Couple other random bits and pieces I recommend to new managers:

This is what I try to do when taking over a new team.

• Review finances (historical (3-5 yrs), YTD and budgeted). The good part is that most of your current year has already been determined for you, so take that time to get the lay of the land so you can hit next year strong.
  
• Outline objectives and priorities from your boss for the department.
  
• Establish 1:1 weekly meetings with all your direct reports.
  
• I like to provoke my new teams to tell me two things in the following areas: Where are we poor/weak? What do we OK but should do better? What do we great at? What would you like to see?
  
  Things I strive for as part of my team as their manager:
  
  
• Do great work consistently.
  
• Be the go to team in your organization.
  
• Be a team and manager willing to push envelopes or create positive disruption.
  
• Protect your team as a manager in all settings.
  
• Reward people by the way they want to be rewarded. Not everyone wants beer. Not everyone wants money. Some people are just happy solving a difficult problem others couldn't figure out.
  
  A few books I would recommend in no particular order:
  
  
• Managing Humans: Biting and Humorous Tales of a Software Engineering Manager
  
• 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
  
• Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking
  
• The Phoenix Project: A Novel About IT, DevOps, and Helping Your Business Win
  
• Writing That Works
  
• Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

Sure, if we all stopped consuming 50% of what's being produced, this would make half the production obsolete. The twist in thinking is that this is a good thing and not a bad one as the growth imperative would suggest.

I see the way out through going back to more self-sufficiency. The alternative to a consumer society is a society of mostly self-sufficient people. This is the basis of freedom from economic pressures as it decouples your well-being from the ups and downs of the market economy. Then, how would you get such economically free people back into wage-slavery? In fact, this was the situation prior to the industrial revolution. There's a nice book on the subject of how initially economically independent farmers were systematically robbed of their means of self-sufficiency to drive them into the factories, basically the ironically very forced birth of the "free" market capitalism. There was also a recent article posted about the book.

So basically it is not that we simply stop consuming and then how do we get our food? Instead we go back to more self-sufficiency and no longer require neither wages nor the products of wage-labor. This way, each person can individually step out of the vicious circle that is our current economic system.

For more detail on how to do this - practically, you may want to read "Possum Living", "Early retirement extreme" or "How to live without a salary".

More mainstream are books like "Your money or your life" or "Work less, play more."

I met a girl a couple summers ago during an internship in NYC. At the end of the summer I left to go home to Illinois, and we parted knowing that we had had a great relationship over the summer, but it was probably over since I was going home.

As I was waiting at my gate at Newark International (a good hour before my flight boarded), I got a call from her saying that she had given a friend of her's who worked at Delta a couple gifts to give me, and he would be there in half an hour. Half an hour later, she called to tell me that instead she was there herself. I left my gate, and found her at the ticket counter. She was actually able to get a special non-boarding pass from the man behind the counter to let her through security. Of course it didn't matter, because I had come out, but it was amazing nonetheless.

She was in tears, told me how much she was going to miss me, and gave me two books: one copy of The Last Lecture, which I hadn't told her, but I had already seen the lecture video, thought it was amazing, and didn't even know there was a book; and one empty moleskin journal, since I had told her I needed something to keep my ideas in. As a guy, it was one of the most romantic things anyone had ever done for me.

She is now my fiancée. We've had a 2-year long-distance relationship, and I'm moving out to be with her at the end of January.

tl;dr

It's happened to me.

Reading that book right now!

Yup! It's a book that explains a productivity workflow called Getting Things Done or "GTD". Basically a bunch of good tricks strung together:

https://www.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity-ebook/dp/B00KWG9M2E

I can't express how useful this has been in my life.

This is supposed to be a very good book: http://www.amazon.com/Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination-Guilt-Free/dp/0874775043

Of course, if you're like me, you will buy it and never get around to reading it.

(continued)

>Are there any areas where you feel CBT or Hypnotherapy have significantly added to or expanded the ideas and techniques of Stoicism?

Yes. This is such a vast issue that it would take a very long time to answer this question properly, so I'll try to just make some brief comments. Modern psychological therapies are diverse and continually expanding, there are hundreds of books on CBT alone, so that in itself means there's always more and more scope for new comparisons with Stoicism. The Philosophy of CBT describes many points of comparisons between Stoicism and CBT, REBT, and hypnotherapy. In all of those areas, modern approaches and Stoicism offer different but perhaps complementary perspectives, and practical techniques. CBT practitioners certainly don't just "do Stoicism" with their clients, they use a vast array of different concepts and strategies, most of which would be of interest to Stoics. One difference is that CBT tends to focus on clinically-severe problems, diagnosable mental health disorders, which naturally leads to a different emphasis from ancient Stoicism. However, there's now more interest in applying CBT to "resilience-building", improving the overall wellbeing and resistance to stress of the normal population, and that's an area where the aims coincide more closely with the focus on traditional Stoicism. Stoicism has a fairly limited repertoire of practical techniques, which modern therapy has vastly expanded. We also have a fairly incomplete picture of Stoicism, unfortunately - only a tiny fraction of the ancient Stoic literature has survived. There was obviously a lot more to Stoicism than we know about. Chrysippus was one of the most prolific authors in the ancient world and yet virtually nothing of his remains. We could draw a huge list of CBT techniques that would be relevant to Stoicism but it would take time to explain them all. You probably want one or two examples, though, so here goes:

• Imaginal exposure. The discussion of premeditatio malorum ("negative visualization") by William Irvine and others seems very simplistic to a modern therapist and very lacking in terms of links to current research on similar techniques. The most robust finding in the field of psychotherapy, in this regard, is that anxiety (and sometimes other feelings) tend to "habituate" or naturally wear off during repeated, prolonged, systematic exposure to the stimulus (when certain factors are controlled). Clearly, if the Stoics repeatedly visualized misfortune one of the things modern psychology tells us is that their level of anxiety will tend to naturally abate, whether or not they directly attempt to challenge their thinking - and in some cases too much verbal rumination might actually prevent the natural process of habituation from happening. So most anxiety specialists would probably advise Stoics to learn a bit more about that process in order to engage in premeditatio malorum, and that the procedure should probably be prolonged beyond the point at which most people would normally stop, i.e., for about 15-30 minutes per sitting, or until anxiety has reduced by at least 50%, in order for lasting habituation to occur.
  
  
• Worry/rumination. In recent years there's been growing interest in the notion that traditional CBT may have placed too much emphasis on disputing the content of negative thoughts and not enough on managing the whole process of thinking, particularly learning to stop and interrupt prolonged episodes of worry (chains of thoughts about future catastrophes) or rumination (chains of thoughts analyzing past events). I'm sure the ancient Stoics make many passing comments that suggest they were "against" disputation or self-analysis being allowed to turn into prolonged worry/rumination. However, they don't give very clear and explicit advice on spotting and interrupting chains of thinking, which is perhaps a particular problem, an "occupational hazard", for philosophers! Again, tricky to be concise here, but learning to spot typical early-warning signs of worry/rumination spirals and then practicing postponing further thinking until a pre-specified time of your choosing is a common behavioural strategy (called the "stimulus control" method) for managing worry/rumination - although there are now many other methods being used for these issues.
  
  
• Learning to gain "psychological distance" (or "defusion") from thoughts rather than engaging in disputation of them seems particularly important in this area, something hinted at in the Handbook of Epictetus but not often brought up in discussions of Stoicism because it's a concept most philosophical commentators don't seem to be familiar with, although it's very important in modern CBT and behaviour therapy. Epictetus appears to say that the Stoic should spot disturbing thoughts and remind himself that they are mere appearances before attempting to dispute them. There's now some evidence to suggest that "cognitive distancing" (or "defusion") may be more powerful than previously assumed and perhaps more important in many instances than trying to question the evidence for thoughts or beliefs. There are lots of studies in this area now and we're learning more all the time about the factors that are relevant and the value of different techniques of distancing thoughts from reality.
  
  > What, if any, practices of Stoic life do you feel should be added to the general practice of CBT, to enhance its effectiveness?
  
  Good question. I'd have to start by explicitly saying that this is speculative and that I wouldn't recommend introducing treatment components to CBT in clinical practice until they've been tested. (Although, incorporating some Stoicism might often just mean making the sort of slight "tweaks" to established techniques, which nobody would think it's necessary to run a clinical trial before doing.) Some suggestions?
  
  
• Values clarification is absolutely integral to Stoicism, i.e., contemplating the nature of the good and acting with virtue. This wasn't really part of CBT, although something similar is now very central to Positive Psychology and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which both evolve out of CBT. Being clear about what you value most in life and trying to act more often in the service of your values (or the virtues) is something that seems to mitigate against and depression and possibly generalized anxiety. It seems to me that expanding this aspect of CBT raises some of the best opportunities for explicit dialogue with philosophers, particularly Stoics. (See my book Build your Resilience for a detailed discussion of values work in behaviour therapy, with links to Stoicism.)
  
  
• Distinguishing between things under your control and things not, which I would call "control appraisal". Obviously that's fundamental to Stoicism; Shaftesbury even calls it the "sovereign" precept of Stoicism. There are traces of it in CBT, especially in a recent protocol (Dugas' method) for generalized anxiety disorder (GAD) but we could probably develop that concept and techniques derived from it much further in certain forms of CBT.
  
  
• The "view from above", as Hadot calls it, isn't a common strategy in Stoicism. It's not clear how it would function in terms of CBT theory but it's a very popular meditation and I think it deserves to be studied more systematically. It can be done simply by listening to recording, which is "gold dust" in therapy because it makes it extremely easy for clients to do it for ten minutes or so each day, with minimal training or preparation. (It also makes it much easier to do research on a technique if it can be administered with a standard recording: there's a complete script for this at the back of The Philosophy of CBT.) I've used this technique with hundreds of people over the years and almost everyone reports a sense of serenity that comes from it, and a shift in perspective. Technically, it may contribute to "cognitive distancing" but we need to be careful it's not misused as a form of "experiential avoidance", or a way to avoid confronting unpleasant thoughts and feelings.
  
  Moreover, there are lots of aspects of Stoicism beyond "technique" that add something of value, as I tried to emphasize in the introduction to Philosophy of CBT. The beautiful literature, the broad philosophical perspective, the sense of community with fellow Stoics - are all important things we don't really get from CBT.
  
  (continued)

I made a list based on where you can purchase them if you want to edit it onto your post:

This Month's Book

• The Woman in the Dunes by Kobe Abe
  
  

  January:
  

  
  

• [Consider Phlebas
  by Iain Banks]
  (https://www.amazon.com/Consider-Phlebas-Culture-Iain-Banks/dp/031600538X)
  
  
• [Brave New World
  by Aldous Huxley]
  (https://www.amazon.com/Brave-New-World-Aldous-Huxley/dp/0060850523)
  
  
• Fahrenheit 451
  by Ray Bradbury
  
  
  
• The Picture of Dorian Gray
  by Oscar Wilde
  
  
• Children of Time
  by Adrian Tchaikovsky
  
  
• [12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos
  by Jordan B. Peterson]
  (https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/B0797Y87JC)
  
  
  

  February:
  

  
  

• I Am Legend
  by Richard Matheson
  
  
• Dune
  by Frank Herbert
  
  
• Kafka on the Shore
  by Haruki Murakami
  
  
• American Psycho
  by Bret Easton Ellis
  
  
• Life 3.0: Being Human in the Age of Artificial Intelligence
  by Max Tegmark
  
  
• Beyond Good and Evil
  by Friedrich Nietzsche
  
  

  March:
  

  
  

• The Old Man and The Sea
  by Ernest Hemingway
  
  
• Moby Dick
  by Herman Melville
  
  
• Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl
  
  
• Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes
  
  
• The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka
  
  
• The Sailor Who Fell from Grace with the Sea by Yukio Mishima
  
  
• The Temple of the Golden Pavilion by Yukio Mishima
  
  
• The Book of Five Rings by Miyamoto Musashi
  
  
• Bushido: The Soul of Japan by Inazo Nitobe
  
  

  April:
  

  
  

• [The Dice Man by Luke Rhinehart]
  (https://www.amazon.com/Dice-Man-Luke-Rhinehart/dp/0879518642)
  
  
• [Stoner by John Williams](
  https://www.amazon.com/Stoner-York-Review-Books-Classics/dp/1590171993)
  
  
• [Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky]
  (https://www.amazon.com/Crime-Punishment-Fyodor-Dostoyevsky/dp/0486415872)
  
  
• [No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai](
  https://www.amazon.com/No-Longer-Human-Osamu-Dazai/dp/0811204812)
  
  
• Sun and Steel by Yukio Mishima
  
  

  May:
  

  
  

• [Spring Snow by Yukio Mishima](
  https://www.amazon.com/Spring-Snow-Sea-Fertility-1/dp/0679722416)
  
  
• [Runaway Horses by Yukio Mishima]
  (https://www.amazon.com/Runaway-Horses-Sea-Fertility-2/dp/0679722408)
  
  
• Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari
  
  
• In the Buddha's Words: An Anthology of Discourses from the Pali Canon by Bhikkhu Bodhi
  
  
• Mythos by Stephen Fry
  
  
• Inferno by August Strindberg
  
  

  November
  

  
  

• The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov
  
  
• Japanese Death Poems: Written by Zen Monks and Haiku Poets on the Verge of Death by Yoel Hoffmann
  
  
• Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
  
  
• Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami
  
  

  Books Pewds suggested but hasn't talked about in any of the episodes yet:
  

  
  

• The Sound of Waves by Yukio Mishima
  
  
• Tony Takitani by Haruki Murakami
  
  
• The Forever War by Joe Haldeman
  
  linking pewds to see this u/pewpewpewPEWdie

I got you covered dude. My company lives for this and provides books on the regular, but the ones below are pretty much the industry standard, and top companies all over the world recommend that every one read these. I have to admit, they've helped me:

• "7 Habits of Highly Effective People" This will also have an impact on your personal life, but most importantly, it prevented me from being a little shit in the office, and helps teach you to focus on your work and behavior with other people by offering simple logic and examples.
  
  
• "Winning" This is the manifesto of how to dominate the corporate world by the legendary Jack Welch (Former long time CEO of GE). It's extremely simple and a very easy read, but this is the corporate mentality. Of all the books I list, if you only read one, make it this one. Easily a favorite among everyone in my office.
  
  
• "Good to Great" This isn't so much about how to be an effective individual, its more about what makes an effective company, but still important as you will want to recognize the effectiveness of your own organization is it grows and changes while you are there. Additionally, "Great by Choice" and "Built to Last" are also written by the same author, Jim Collins, and should also be on your list, but prioritize them for later.
  
  
• "Drive" by Dan Pink. This will help you understand a little bit more of what physically can motivate you, beyond money. Good way to sit down and assess your values as to why you show up everyday. I would also add "A Whole New Mind" which discusses creativity and "To Sell is Human" both by Dan Pink and prioritize them for later
  
  Those are the quick ones I can think of. If I come up with more I'll add them to the list. Also, welcome to the corporate world - good luck in your career!
  
  Edit: Holy shit, gold? This is my first time receiving so thank you for being gentle!
  

That's already avail for pre order on Amazon http://www.amazon.com/Suck-Less-Where-Theres-Willam/dp/1455566195?ie=UTF8&keywords=Suck%20less&qid=1462561648&ref_=sr_1_1&s=books&sr=1-1

Or if you're not interested in Ru's book, you could also get Willam's Suck Less for $10.16 or Magnus Hastings' Why Drag?, featuring a lot of Ru girls, for $20.44 with this coupon. Sadly, Michelle's Diva Rules is 31¢ too cheap to qualify.

Hi Bob. If you have not read this book I can not recommend it enough. It will help immensely!

Allen Carr's Quit Drinking Without Willpower: Be a happy nondrinker (Allen Carr's Easyway) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1784045411/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_MsxyCbJ8FHD01

That's indeed a bit much to drink on a daily basis, depending on how long that's been going on it might be considered a problem indeed. How long have you been cutting the beer? See my edit above (you replied very quickly ;)) for a strategy on how I coped with cigarette cravings when I stopped smoking. It's from Allen Carr's book "The Easyway to Stop Smoking" - he has a book for stopping drinking aswell, if this is an ongoing thing you might want to have a look at it, the problem is similar.

http://www.amazon.com/Easy-Way-Stop-Drinking/dp/1402736479/ (original version)

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Drinking-Now-Allen-Carr/dp/1784045411/ (updated version including CD)

Not sure if you have already but you should take a quick read as The E-Myth Revisited basically talks about your exact situation.

Ok, so I don't know if this will help, but for texting the friend, type up the text then save it. Then at a later time, when you think you really want to text that friend again, send the text immediately without thinking more about it. Then what's done is done and everything is in the wind and let the chips fall where they may. Another thing that may help is imagining the worst thing that could happen. This is where I can help you: she says no. Will that crush your soul and your will to live? no. You'll be sad for a little bit, but you still have your friends and now you know and you can move on. That's the worst thing that could happen. You can survive that. I guess I'm just trying to put things in perspective. Ask yourself, would you rather be mauled by a bear or ask someone out for dinner. If the bear seems more attractive, I'd suggest going for a hike every now and then. It'll help clear your mind and increase your chances of crossing a bear.

As for paying bills and getting work done, I'd say start off with telling yourself that you're only going to do ten minutes of work. That's not a long time. Then you are going to give yourself ten minutes or maybe even half an hour of justified goof off time. This is key. It has to be justified goof off time.

What most people find is that starting is the hardest part. Once you start, it is orders of magnitude easier to continue for longer than the ten minutes that you set for yourself. This is basically what is promoted in the book The Now Habit.

As for anxiety and depression, I hope you've seen a doctor or someone qualified to tell you whether or not it's serious.

I suffered from depression all through high school and college. I felt like I didn't deserve to be part of anything or worthy of attention. One of the things that helped me was realizing that we are all made of stars. Every atom other than hydrogen was once a part of a star. That means you and me, we both came from the same stuffs and we both have a right to be where we are doing what we're doing. From there, I extrapolated that life is all about making ourselves happy without hurting other people in the process. So now the difficult part for me is figuring out what makes me happy. It's actually kind of fun. It has led me to new hobbies and new friends.

I hope this helps!

TL;DR Text the girl before you even think about it. Read The Now Habit. We are all made of stars.

The Now Habit by Neil Fiore is pretty awesome.

This review on Amazon pretty much nails it.

I really recommend Eckart Tolle's Practicing The Power of Now (http://www.amazon.com/Practicing-Power-Now-Essential-Meditations/dp/1577311957). The practicing version is simply a practical, easier to understand version of his original book, from what I've gathered.

I haven't read ANY spiritual books before this one, and I simply cannot leave it alone. It's enlightened me in so many ways. From lifting weights, to be charming, to explore life, to sit home alone, to SLEEP BETTER (yess!). It's given me a new outlook on life that I can explore whenever I feel like, and it is great!

I’ve found The 5 second rule by Mel Robbins really helpful. I tend to also overthink all of my tasks and try and spend way too much time trying to fit them into my master plan. This book helped me “just do” some of the tasks I’d ordinarily just put off to think about them.

The sense of entitlement right now in the under 25 crowd is staggering. I have tech recruiters who can't give away 16.00 an hour jobs because people feel they are "better than that" when they have no actual experience other than graduating college. I hire and recommend for hire people, and have done so for multiple agencies.

I've been saying what Mr. McDonald has been saying, for some time, as have all the HR recruiters, head-hunters, sociologists, etc. People are coming out of higher education and are not able to do things that they absolutely should know how to do. In addition to this, they can not problem solve effectively, and everyone thinks they are a genius and entitled to something...when they're not. Here - this is just one more study about this exact thing:
http://articles.washingtonpost.com/2013-05-06/national/39057667_1_entitlement-survey-graduates

Here's a good article (from 2005) that is old, but talks about the change in the term "gold collar" worker. (Gold collar use to mean experts in mid level roles - as I've said to people "I'm a cog. A expensive gold-plated cog, but still just a cog")
new gold collar workers - people that spend what they don't have and live at home with lower level professional positions. Here's that entitlement....

http://seattletimes.com/html/living/2002479345_goldcollar08.html


You want to blame people, blame the parents. Blame them for creating a society where everyone theoretically gets a trophy. where everyone is constantly told they are special, and brilliant, and exceptional. Right now - under 30 is the over-praised generation and under 25 adds to that two-fold.

I've heard first hand such stories as "I didn't hire a person and their MOM called me about it" (yes...for real).

This attitude of people also trickles into other things, even things like video games. Read this:
http://www.pcgamer.com/2013/03/13/call-of-duty-red-orchestra-2-interview/
He talks about the lack of mastery in people. that lack of mastery, that aspect of needing, wanting to start somewhere and become good at it vs. just being given something cause its all "too hard" -- that permeates society right now.

and the top rated comment is exactly what is wrong. those startups that are talked about? they fail faster than restaurants these days. And, does everyone realize that making it work in a small business/start up is HARD? that it's like saying "I'm going to be a pro-athlete" and counting on it? There is no guarantee. We are not all beautiful unique snowflakes.

You want to get someone's attention? skip the attitude and learn to start at the bottom. make exceptions and work hard and smart. Learn how to be wrong, how to accept it gracefully, and how to maintain relationships with smart people, annoying people, and dumb people. learn how to learn. Show that if you don't know something, you can pick it up.

Read this book: http://www.amazon.com/Drive-Surprising-Truth-Motivates-ebook/dp/B004P1JDJO/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1368327765&sr=8-2&keywords=dan+pink


You may feel that I'm outdated in my thinking, and that is your right - but as I said...I hire and fire people, I recommend people for roles, and I'm in the software world making products that many of you use all the time.

Now - if this doesn't apply to you, if you are in these age groups and work hard, recognize that things aren't owed to you, and you can understand and process defeat gracefully, learn from it and improve your position - then congratulations, you are ahead of the curve.

> I know my time management needs to improve

You need Getting Things Done.

I use my Outlook task list to store everything I need to do, rather than trying to keep it all in my head, and it reduces my stress enormously. Every morning I start the day by cleaning out my Outlook inbox.

1. If an email can be answered or a task completed or delegated in under 2 minutes, do it right then and there and delete the email.
   
2. If it will take more than two minutes and need to be done at a particular time, turn it into a calendar item.
   
3. If it will take more than two minutes and doesn't need to be done at a specific time, turn the email into a task. I use Quick Steps for calendar and task items, so it's a single click.
   
   If someone needs something from me that I can't complete the same day, I reply back to them letting them know I'm working on it.
   
   Throughout the day, I check my inbox periodically and clean it out again. I have new email notifications turned off, so they don't distract me.

Read this First - This is an infograph that summarizes every financial blog/book I've looked at.

Books I've read that have been very helpful

1. I will teach you to be rich - I've reread this multiple times. Covers almost all things finance that you'll need to know in your 20's + 30's. Totally worth the money!
   
   
2. Beginners Guide To Investing - Breaks down investing in a very straightforward way
   
3. Rich Dad Poor Dad - Very Cheesy, but hits some great thoughts on how rich ppl perceive money, are willing to talk about it, and how they grow money faster than the poor and middle class
   
4. Your Money or Your Life - Haven't finished (feels a little dated, but hits some really good points on how to think of money and why you should change your habits)
   
   Books I haven't read but ppl reference:
   
   
5. A random walk down wall street - Why investing in single stocks is foolish
   
6. Possum Living - How to live cheaply
   
7. Dave Ramsey or Suze Orman - Both have very popular philosophies and spending strategies that are referenced all the time.
   
   Sites to Reference:
   
   
8. Mr. Money Mustache - All Financial Independence websites reference this site.
   
9. Money Under 30 - All things Personal Finance for our age group
   
10. Investopedia - Helps with the basics
    
    Reddit: (Search Top Posts All Time)
    
    /r/financialindependence
    
    /r/Personalfinance
    
    /r/FinancialPlanning

Definitely contact your local public library for connections to both remedial academic supports (online and local) as well as Child Protective Services and also domestic violence resources, which I have read can help those on the cusp of adulthood who have not been properly prepared. They may be very able to point you in the direction you need to go.

Given the basics of reading ,writing and arithmetic, it still may be possible to achieve a fairly sustainable lifestyle in a creatively simple way. Check out this book, once. Good luck.

https://www.amazon.com/Possum-Living-Without-Almost-Revised/dp/0982053932

25 years is not old, dude. Not in the slightest.

Don't compare your life to anyone else's.

The Church doesn't have a 'right' path that you are 'supposed' to follow, as far as career / educational development is concerned.

Life doesn't work that way.

Follow your heart, your brain, your curiosity, and your passion.

Don't spend another day worrying about how you thought things would have / should have / could have worked out.

Just embrace where you are now, and make today the best you can.

(Also, when I was in your shoes, I found some inspiration in 3 surprising sources:

• Steve Jobs' Stanford Commencement Address
  
  
  
• Randy Pausch's The Last Lecture
  
  
• Ken Robinson's The Element

I'm a cognitive psychotherapist and what you're calling rumination (which perhaps sounds more like what psychologists now tend to call "worry") is one of my special areas of interest. (Rumination is usually defined as being about the past and involving "Why?" questions; worry about feared "What if?" scenarios, catastrophes, in the future.)

The issue you're talking about is well-documented in the research literature. It seems paradoxical at first that worry/rumination is harmful but visualising catastrophes can be helpful. However, picturing the worst-case scenario (called "imaginal exposure") is one of the most well-established techniques in the whole field of psychotherapy. It's linked to very basic psychological mechanisms, which are actually not the ones Irvine describes. Irvine's rationale for the exercise also isn't very faithful to the Stoics, who appear to think about it in a way that's more consistent with the use in modern CBT.

The Stoics knew, and we now know, that anxiety tends to abate naturally when someone is exposed in reality (or in imagination) to the feared situation for long enough, and repeatedly enough, as long as other complicating factors are controlled. Worry/rumination would be a major complicating factor here. The difference is that it's typically a verbal process rather than a predominantly visual one, and also that it tends to skip around rather than "sitting with" the scene patiently. Typically, imaginal exposure involves picturing a scene for quite a while, about 15-30 minutes, every day for a week or two, in order to be properly effective. It's crucial that any form of avoidance is dropped during these exposure sessions, and that includes verbal worrying or rumination because there's evidence that suggests (ironically) that it actually functions as a form of subtle avoidance of the feared event. (For example, physiological measures of anxiety are surprisingly low among chronic worriers compared to phobics who are presented with their feared object.)

I've written about worry/rumination and Stoicism in several books on the subject. The main one is probably my book called Build your Resilience, which combines modern research on emotional resilience with some discussion of Stoic philosophical practices. Here's a link:
http://www.amazon.com/Resilience-2013How-Survive-Thrive-Situation-Yourself/dp/1444168711

I could maybe email you the chapter if you're interested.

Donald Robertson

What are you interests? [Meetups] (http://www.meetup.com/), are a good way to start making friends.

Getting a girlfriend isn't as hard as it seems. It really boils down to your confidence level, but it's also a numbers game. (ie; the more girls you talk to, the higher your chances are) Check out /r/seduction and read the sidebar and top posts. Also, read [Models by Mark Manson] (http://markmanson.net/books/models) and [the Sex God Method] (http://www.amazon.com/Sex-God-Method-2nd-Edition/dp/0557036488). Another book is [Unshakable Swagger] (http://www.unshakableswagger.com/), I just bought it, but I haven't read it yet. I heard good things though.

Also read [Practicing the Power of Now] (http://www.amazon.com/Practicing-Power-Now-Essential-Meditations/dp/1577311957). It's a book on mediation and it'll help you relax and be at ease. Ted talks, [RSDJulien] (https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDJulien), and [RSDTyler] (https://www.youtube.com/user/RSDTyler) are amazing sources for motivation and other self improvemnt and development.

That's pretty much it OP, have fun and get to work! PM me if you have questions.

Wattles' book is not too bad but the content was polished up nicely by the generation 2.0 author Napoleon Hill.

Think and grow rich

That is the free online archive.org version. Here is the amazon page.

Occult pursuits are not necessarily contra material pursuits, but they are mostly orthogonal. In some places Hill's book seems like a good recipe for giving yourself an obsessive compulsive disorder. Anecdotally, there is no lack of unhappiness amongst the most (materially) successful people I know.

May I recommend something?


Allen Carr's Quit Drinking Without Willpower: Be a happy nondrinker (Allen Carr's Easyway) https://www.amazon.com/dp/1784045411/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_zVzTDbNM4W65J

I read this book. It's not available as audio book so I sat and binge read it. You can drink while you read it if you desire, but if you are in the stage of your life where you want to quit and you read this book, by the end of it you will never want to drink again and it takes absolutely no will power. I don't have a desire to drink... It basically unbrainwashed me.

Just offering help in the way I know how to. I'm happy for you and your future!

There certainly is no easy answer, but there is much more to say to someone who procrastinates than "get to work".
I can suggest a very good read on that matter : The Now Habit.
Some ideas you can find in the book:

• Stop feeling guilty, you procrastinate only because you have very good reasons to do so.
  
  
• YOU decide what you want to do, nobody else.
  
  
• change the way you talk to yourself, say "I will" instead of "I have to". (try it, it is not as easy as it sounds)
  
  
• ...

From reading the comments and your answers to them here is the simple answer. There is no beginners guide and you will not find anywhere, a cheap or free way to do this or at least start it. It may be possible, but use what the other commenters have added to the conversation to start you decade of learning to make it happen.

Also good luck finding others to do it with you, but your not going to have an easy time finding anyone that won't give up quickly. It may sound good to some including you but the reality is very hard and unpleasant which is why you can't find a cabin community in the yellow pages to join.

All in all I would suggest reading Dolly Freed's book Possum Living and looking into her life. It's the mindset you would need to do this the cheapest way and also the most realistic where in you don't plan on doing it completely off grid or free. Rather close tho once you learn the skills you need.

You can certainly support him in this, but you can't do it all.

His primary doctor or oncologist should refer him to a psychologist or social worker or to an integrative care specialist who can can do the same. They can point you to programs and classes to help people facing illness handle stress, e.g., meditation, yoga, etc. Anti-anxiety medication like lorazepam can be pretty effective.

Also, he should consider joining a cancer support group. There is something about sharing with other people going through similar things that is very powerful.

If he is actively religious then you may want to speak to his clergy person. You can do this even if you are not religious yourself.

You can do your part by simply being there, listening, and not judging or correcting him. What he is feeling is part of a natural process. In fact, it is a healthy sign that he is sharing his fears with you.

Some specific books that you may want to take a look at both for yourself and for him include:

• On Death and Dying, by Diana Kubler-Ross creator of the Five Stages of Grief model
  
  
• When Things Fall Apart, by Pema Chodron. Has a Buddhist bent to it, but you don't have to be Buddhist to benefit from the wisdom. She has an audio book version and I find her voice to be very calming.
  
  
• The Last Lecture, by Randy Pauch. You can actually watch Randy Pauch's "Last Lecture" on youtube. Have some kleenex handy. Many feels.
  
  Those are just off the top of my head. I will let you know if I have any other ideas. Both my parents died from cancer and I went with them through it pretty much every step of the way.
  
  Make sure that as you go through the process of helping your father, you also take care of yourself. The more mentally and emotionally centered you are, the better you can help him. It is like when they tell you on the airplane to put on your own oxygen mask before helping a child put on theirs.
  
  Peace and good wishes to you.
  
  Dan
  
  EDIT-fixed a link

The Philosophy of CBT is an interesting book, but I think it is of most interest to those versed in the CBT already and is a touch academic. Robertson's other book Build Your Resilience is a great practical introduction to some modern forms of CBT (the acceptance/mindfulness strand) with frequent comparisons to aspects of Stoicism, so I'd recommend that first.

CBT is useful in providing simple techniques to challenge and replace irrational patterns of thinking, such as examining cognitive distortions and cognitive restructuring. That aspect isn't covered so much in the Resilience book, but will be in any standard CBT book (however that link covers most of the ground). I think CBT is an especially useful tool in support of Stoic practice where there are engrained problems such as anxiety, because of its stepwise practical nature. However Stoic practices, including the simple ones in Irvine's book, are aiming beyond what CBT aims for; CBT helps lay groundwork but I don't think it overlaps well with the ideal of the "Stoic sage". CBT is more accepting of "normal" emotions in certain situations where the Stoics would have seen a "passion", or negative emotion.

I second and third this. If a reader is looking for a more concise read to acclimate to the material, "Practicing The Power of Now" is excellent as well - easier to get through, but still conveys the message. And then, read the entire book to really internalize it.

Except he teaches people how to do it.

This guy went to debunk him and was convinced he's legitimate.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Doesnt-Kill-Environmental-Conditioning/dp/1623366909

If you're only going to read two, I'd recommended: E-Myth and Positioning.

The first will teach you how to think about, structure, and systemize a business.

The second will teach you how to create products / services that customers actually WANT and how to market to them. It captures very succinctly everything I learned about developing products and brands at P&G.

Credentials: I've worked in the consumer product industry for 10+ years and have started multiple businesses of my own.

The thing here that sticks out to me is that not once did you mention any specific thing that you enjoy doing or have a passion for.

Your goal was to make money and prove your dad wrong. That is not a sustainable way to direct your energy. I think it's very lucky that you were able to identify your problem as rooted in your dad and not money per se.

A lot of people pursue money as it's own means and own end and it ends up never being enough and it destroys them. You have to fail, sometimes spectacularly, to learn that kind of lesson and here you are, still young and in the prime place to learn from that mistake so don't feel bad.

I think you really need to sit back and try to figure out what really drives you. Why did you start an online company for example? There are a lot of ways to make money.

Why go that route specifically, and what did you sell? Were you drawn to that for some intrinsic reason other than you thought you'd make the most money that way or did you stumble on something that spoke to you and you were able to drive that to success because of passion? Generally, people aren't able to reach that level unless they're somehow interested in that field.

the short but powerful guide to finding your passion

coaching the artist within - this is geared towards artists but it starts out with trying to get you to find what you're passionate about and then lessons on mastering anxiety, mental blocks and fear of failure. It also sounds like you want to be self directed rather than on a career path which is similar to the 'artist life'.

Drive: The Surprising Truth about what Motivates us

Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength

Meditations

On the Shortness of Life

The Wisdom of Insecurity

The Art of Nonconformity:Set Your Own Rules, Live the Life You Want, and Change the World

Things Might go Terribly, Horribly Wrong: A Guide to Life Liberated from Anxiety

Here are a few things to get you started. They don't have 'the answer' per se, but I think they'll go a long way in helping you reframe your idea of motivation, discipline, and how to deal with fear of failure. And get you started on the right path.

I will also add: do not be afraid to find a good therapist (preferably one trained in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) especially if you are still under 26 and are on your Mom's insurance.

I am not suggesting you have an illness from the DSM-V per se. However, I think any time you're unhappy and are struggling to reach goals, at a certain point that is a 'mental health issue' you need help with and a therapist is the ideal 'coach' to get you through it with tested and verified methods (and likely in a finite amount of meetings.)

This episode and Equestria Games fit into the category of bad episodes with fantastic lessons.

Equestria Games was based around "forgive yourself," which is one of most difficult things to learn and apply. However, that episode has since been eclipsed by Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep? as most effective way that moral has been taught in MLP.

Applejack's Day Off's lesson was about productivity. Pretty much every business book ever, from The Four Hour Workweek to Getting Things Done, is about doing things faster.

These are critical, crucial skills in the modern day and can help people get jobs. But the way the lesson was packaged in this episode was frankly pretty boring. Although a realistic apple harvesting productivity workflow with spreadsheets and cost-benefit-analysis charts could have also been pretty boring.

All in all, they did an okay job for the moral they were trying to teach.

"Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right."
First off, I want you to know that these thoughts you are experiencing are normal, and that you're human. It's natural to self doubt and to experience negative feelings.
That said, you're asking this community whether you should have a boyfriend, and yet you answered your own question in an essay I'm sure was easy to knock out due to how accustomed you are to berating yourself. If it isn't already obvious, the answer to your question is a resounding "no."
If you have no self-respect, I guarantee you that a boyfriend will not fix that. A boyfriend won't solve any of your current issues. You will constantly be "a drunken mistake" if you keep viewing yourself as one.
Here is some advice coming from someone who was once in a really similar stage as you (minus the autism):

• acknowledge the difference between failing at something and being a failure-- the two are different. Right now, all you have done is failed at a lot of things. you are not a failure. A failure is someone who has given up completely. This is not you, since you are reaching out for help through this post.
  
• you HAVE to love yourself to accomplish what you want in life. Loving yourself will lead to self respect, which leads to better decisions, which leads to caring about class, fewer (and eventually no more) suicidal thoughts, better body image, etc. etc. A positive domino effect in your life can be created just by turning the switch from "let's list negative things about myself" to "let's list positive things about myself."
  
  
  I promise you that you can do this. Right now you are in a heavy downward spiral, convinced that you can't do anything. This was me once, and I can tell you from first hand experience that what you want in life is completely attainable. You just have to stop being so hard on yourself.
  I want to end this comment with a book that I read every day called The Obstacle Is The Way by Ryan Holiday. If you have an iPhone/iPad, here's the iBook link. Here's the Kindle version.
  You know, if you don't have either (or you aren't able to spend $4), I would be more than willing to try and convert my eBook copy of it to a PDF. I believe in this book that much, and I think it would really benefit you too. (I'm not being paid to say this either)
  Edit: by the way, that book has no religious agenda. I have no religious agenda. I thought I would get that out there.

Holy sh!t

Get out, get out!

oh! I am so sorry this has happened to you.

I too, multiple times in life, and I'm a guy, gained scars (not as deep as yours) sitting in a bishops and stake pres offices "repenting" as they drilled into all the details of my sexual behavior. Only later (decades) did I learn that I am actually totally normal. But my whole life I have been running from hidden shame and guilt and embarrassment from these exchanges with "inspired men." It's SOOOOOOOOO unhealthy! Yes, get a good therapist. Read healthy books, find loving caring authentic friends, and start loving and accepting yourself. You are not broken or soiled, you have not lost your virtue or any bullsh!t like that. You are an infinitely valuable human being and there is only ONE of you in all the universe, you are unspeakably precious, and the fact that you are human and have scars is part of what makes you so worth knowing, worth understanding, worth loving!

Regarding your folks... it sounds like it will be a rough road for you with them... just try to remember that they are trapped in a system of thoughts that over-rides their ability to see clearly and freely. Work towards finding a safe relationship with them, and by that I mean proper boundaries and healthy distance. Be as close to them as you can be without allowing it to wreck your safety and peace. This is YOUR life. No one else's and you have every right to be happy, fulfilled, loved, and loving.

A couple of my favorite books recently

https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph-ebook/dp/B00G3L1B8K/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1503843271&sr=8-1&keywords=the+obstical+is+the+way

https://www.amazon.com/Daily-Stoic-Meditations-Wisdom-Perseverance-ebook/dp/B01HNJIJB2/ref=pd_sim_351_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=SR7V0K2QXQK0M782EQTY

all the rest of my thoughts that come from my own journey can be found here in case it helps you collect your thoughts. good luck! and we are here for you! internet hug!

https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/6smc4i/40_yrs_a_mormon_posted_on_blogger_too/

Join /r/fitness and read the FAQ (it's actually very helpful). Here is the section on losing weight. I usually suggest doing the program known as Starting Strength for people that are new to the gym, as it's pretty easy to follow when you first start weight lifting. Losing weight happens when you burn off more calories than you take in, and a lot of people don't realize that lifting weights burns a TON of calories. You should try to do some sort of cardio three or more times per week, concentrating on the running as much as possible. Don't neglect your diet - you can train really hard but if you sabotage yourself with junk food you can undo tons of the progress that you made in the gym. If you have no idea where to start on the diet I would look at Body For Life, by Bill Phillips. Good luck - getting in shape is not as impossible as it can seem sometimes. And if you need motivation /r/fitness it the place to go.

I'd like to point out that the marketing of gyms always shows fit and healthy people using the gym. That's not the whole story, and I've always thought that the target audience is unfairly measured.

Gyms are there to help people start their goal of get fit and to maintain it. Don't think about the gym being only for people who are already fit. It's a great resource to get oneself to the level of fitness that they are happy with.

Suggestions:

• Call around and find a gym that offers a free session on sign-up. It's a great way to get comfortable with exercise, and they will help find what will be good for you.
  
  
• I find that audiobooks and podcasts are great. Not only can one accomplish a workout, but one can also take in a book, interviews, comedy, whatever. Many people are in their own world wearing headphones at gyms.
  
  
• Treadmills are great for improving fitness. Gyms are air conditioned in the summer, and heated in the winter. One can measure progress easier. Starting off slow and incrementing slowly over time is much easier to control with a treadmill. Also more time to get through that audiobook.
  
  
• Find a book with a plan to follow for both diet and workouts with which you are comfortable. I found this book to be very easy to understand but it demands a solid 3 mth commitment. The interesting thing is that the book is very open about how hard that commitment would be and very accurate when it comes to asserting that while the first couple of weeks will be difficult, that most certainly goes away and the groove sets in. The path becomes very easy to follow within a few weeks.

I'm not sure what you expect people to tell you. You know what the problem is. Until you fix that your going to be walking in circles.

If you want to quit drinking without will power or cravings...read Alan Carr

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1784045411/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1449300433&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=alan+carr+easy+way+to+quit+drinking&dpPl=1&dpID=51-Eu6-TWBL&ref=plSrch

Until you beat that, you are not going to beat your food addiction or cravings.


Take some control back.

Edit: I know you didn't ask for this, but come on man. You fucking know what you need to do, so asking a keto group a bunch of bullshit (asking keto if you should do low fat high carb) is moot.

What you need to do is read, try keto clarity, volek and phinney low carb performance, etc

It's hard now to try and think about what was going on in my head as a kid.

I was a skinny adorable child up to somewhere between 1st and 2nd grade. I really couldn't tell you what happened but I chopped off all of my long blonde hair and started to gain weight and it never stopped until the end of college.

I went to a Catholic elementary school, where I KNEW I was fat. I knew I was literally the bottom of the social barrel - the pretty (aka normal) girls had cliques based on heritage (Italian, Irish, Filipino) and then there were the runts who didn't fit into those groups for whatever reason - even among the runts I was the bottom of the heap and it was surely because I was fat. I probably had behavior issues related to that but I don't remember. I know I was diagnosed with asthma but I don't remember if that was before or after the weight gain. I remember whispering to some girls, asking them how much they weighed - I weighed 100lbs (in second or third grade) - was that a lot?

I did ballet from a very young age. Around 3rd grade was when I remember being in rehearsal for The Nutcracker. I was moving up in the world - finally old enough to be a (special) snowflake. For some reason I was pouting or slacking off and the instructor muttered something about me being too fat to be a ballerina. I quit dance completely shortly after, humiliated because I knew she was right. I wish to God I could go back to that day and help little me, I feel like quitting dance was when it all started going wrong.

In middle school I transferred to public school. I started out with no friends since no one I knew had transferred with me. I was still fat and even more awkward. Desperate to find a clique I solidified my identity as a bookworm nerd. Every movie and tv show and YA book I saw told me that nerds don't do sports, nerds sit at a computer or read a book, nerds don't have to be pretty because they are smart so that was what I told myself to do. Meanwhile I fostered secret eating habits (hiding the trash in my room, stealing it after lights out) and my attitude grew worse and worse. To this day I apologize to my mom every time I talk to her for how bad I treated her. I remember her asking me "Why are you so angry?" I didn't know then and I still don't know. But food was a comfort, and books were a comfort.

My mom started dating a man who had my "best interests" at heart. He was a fatass himself and I never trusted any of my mom's boyfriends so I struggled against him. He bought me a book on manners and told me to read it. He bought me a dumbbell set - but never told me how to use them. He brought a juicer, then (/r/thathappened) literally pinned me and my sister to the kitchen floor when we didn't want to drink frothy warm chunky apple/carrot juice (my sister was skinny but an extremely picky eater so we both got this treatment) - solidifying that vegetables were the weapons of hypocrites and psychos.

My poor mom. She had a lot of convenience food and single-serving snacks around because she worked so hard and did everything she could to juggle us kids and a 8-6 job. It breaks my heart thinking of how I treated her, and how I repaid her by being such a little shit and not even being cute.

In high school I kept on keeping on, did all the stuff that smart fat girls were supposed to do - a hit in the drama club, "funky" dressing style, did anything desperate for the attention of boys. We had home ec in middle school but I only remember making cookies. In high school, health class was flour babies and "beer goggles". I actually started going to a gym. I'd get there as soon as it opened before school, use the elliptical, walk quietly around looking at all the other equipment, but that couldn't fix my awful diet. I don't even know where I got the junk food, or where I got the money for it.

In college I had the run of the dining hall and at my school they went all out. Softserve ice cream, dozens of different desserts, huge helpings of comfort food. I remember buying bags of "yogurt covered raisins" and eating the whole bag as a snack because it was healthy.

One summer I did an internship in Minneapolis. Trying to save money, I lived in the dorms but didn't buy a meal plan. Not realizing that in large cities, grocery stores are hard to find or get to, I ended up living on apples, plain pasta and peanut butter sandwiches - but my tight budget meant I ended up losing about 20 lbs in 2 months. One day I had to go to the big Target and fill a prescription - it was a long trip there so I hung around the store waiting and came across a book. Body for Life. This book was an overload of info - so much stuff I never realized, specifically about nutrition and diet. When I got back home, I started putting it into practice, got a real gym membership and began my journey.

Now, that wasn't the end of it. You guys all realize that when you first start getting into health stuff, there's a whole new world of fatlogic that opens up. The next summer I started a different, more physical internship. I was doing intense labor for about 15-25 minutes per hour, then a break the rest of the hour, repeat for an 8 hour day. I was still eating ~6 times a day like I had while doing BFL, but I wasn't working out anymore. My "tough" job moved me to pick up convenience foods - goldfish crackers are healthy right? These gummies are ORGANIC OK?

I gained the 20 back +10. When I started my final year at college, I was at my highest weight ever. Most of my friends had graduated (I took an extra semester off for internship) and I was all alone in apartment housing. I finally had a kitchen! That's when I realized I had no idea how to cook. Cereal and boxed cake mix do not count. After wasting a semester being depressed and playing WOW, I stumbled upon "thinspiration" and pro-ana stuff. I'm not proud to admit it but that was what got me started again. I worked out intensely and calorie restricted. In three months I lost 40 lbs.

It's been 4 years since then. I lost another 10 lbs, regained it, and now I've lost that 10lbs and another 3. I'm close to my goal weight. But Every single day is a struggle with my own fatty impulses, desire to eat food when I'm not hungry, wanting taste sensations and rewarding myself with food or treating sad/upset times with food. I think that for some people, the fatass impulses are so worn into our brains that it requires constant, unceasing vigilance, that we will never just stop craving, that if we stop paying attention to our actions and thoughts, we'll slip right back. I'm dreading the fall and winter - food-based holidays and cold weather impeding the desire to exercise. I'm determined to not slip and regain the weight I just put off - but how strong will my resolve be in 3 months? In sub-freezing temperatures?

This is really incredibly long. My point is that sometimes there is no answer to "Why do you do this to yourself? Don't you realize how bad this is?" - the answer is often "I didn't know, I don't know." I want to believe that in the next 15 years binge eating and impulsive eating are going to be classified as mental disorders, much more heavily researched and talked about than they are now, right alongside anorexia and bulimia - but the cynic in me says that there are just too many people who don't realize it's a problem, and they never will.

My relationship with food really did ruin a massive portion of my life. I don't want anyone to go through what I did, the experiences that still have repercussions on my current life. That's what anti-fatlogic is to me - trying to bring attention to this issue, hopefully saving young people from wasting so much of the important years of their life they won't ever get back.

I don't know enough about your scoliosis and how it relates to the biomechanics of strength training to give any solid recommendations; so consider everything in this post to be guesses. I'm not a medical professional, and can't afford a lawyer, so check with your doctor before doing anything.

I think you should avoid any exercise that puts a compressive load on your spine, and anything that involves raising weight above your shoulders. I assume that perpendicular forces are okay (such as bench presses). I also assume negative forces on your spine are okay (that means things which stretch you, like pullups). So, you'll have to do isolation exercises on specific muscle groups. Look up the Body for Life program, in which you can construct a full-body lifting program targeting all your major muscle groups.

The Body for Life lifting plan is a split routine, and I imagine a full body, muscle-isolation plan, that minimizes compressive spinal loads, and never has you lift above shoulder level while standing, would look like this:

Upper body:

• Pecs: Bench press or dumbbell flies.
  
• Deltoids: lateral raises. (Since you're holding dumbbells or cables in your hands, this will still compress you, but this is a hard angle to work, so you'll need relatively light weights, thus minimizing the load.)
  
• Lats: Pullups, bent-over rows (one-handed, with the other hand supporting your weight on the bench), or weighted inverted rows.
  
• Triceps: kickbacks, or lying dumbbell extensions (I've also heard this called the "French press").
  
• Biceps: preacher curls or seated concentration curls.
  
  Lower body
  
  
• Quads: Leg press machine (since the compressive force is only between your hips and feet) or leg extensions (which I've seen done by grasping a dumbbell between the feet)
  
• Hamstrings: leg curl machine (which I've also seen done by grasping a dumbbell between the feet).
  
• Gastrocs: donkey calf raise, seated calf press, or single leg calf raise (again, holding a dumbbell like this will compress your spine, but if you do one leg at a time, and have your foot on a step, you can stress with muscle with relatively light weight).
  
• glutes: quadruped hip extensions, or bird dogs (while glute bridges don't offer a direct compressive vertical load on the spine, I don't think they're safe enough for scoliosis, due to the amount of spinal flexion involved)
  
• abdominals: legs-up (on a bench, back on floor) crunches, or hanging leg raises.
  
  I'm not suggesting you go out and do this, but I'm suggesting it as an avenue of research, in hopes it may be of use to you. Please be careful.

Good advice, and this book should help: http://www.amazon.com/Crush-Time-Cash-Your-Passion/dp/0061914177/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266437902&sr=8-1

WTF would you want to be? Bit of a clue in the name... anything-aholic BAD. Be a highly motivated high performing individual. Don't be a workaholic. Being a Workaholic means opting to be at work over going home, avoiding holidays and socialising and choosing to be working instead, OR fear or your work not being good enough and live in a permanent state of discomfort scared that you'll be sacked any second.

OR

read this book... backwards... http://www.amazon.co.uk/Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination-Guilt-free/dp/0874775043

Possum Living by Dolly Freed is a 70's classic.

Books are a fountain of knowledge especially non-fiction.

You have to think deeper in life. Why aren’t you where you want to be? What does my dream day look like? How I can I start creating my dream day? Ask questions of yourself to learn more about you.

One of the books I’d recommend you read is Discipline Equals Freedom by Jocko Willink EX-Navy Seal

Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual https://www.amazon.com/dp/1250156947/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_9kGMAbA9YZ894


https://youtu.be/78I9dTB9vqM

Also above I have linked to a ex-navy Seal David Goggins who was once in your place, it will help give you guidance.

It's not about a prohibition, it's about sanity and productivity. There is study after study showing how being a complete workaholic can be very counter productive. Tim Ferris interviewed hundreds of highly successful people and a common them is how to boost their productivity they set times they walk away from work and energize their batteries. No phone or email or anything else work related. Often it was time filled with spiritual enrichment like meditation.

Almost all of them admitted working 7 days a week is both a sign of time mismanagement, a drain on efficiency, and a lack of awareness how humans need more fulfillment than what comes from work. Some even indicated they found productivity is higher when one works 40 hours a week over a 4-day week as opposed to a 5-day week to have an extra day to recharge. And companies are taking these findings seriously

In other words, once again the gospel was way ahead of it's time. God let people know taking time to step away from work is one of the most important things you can do in life - top 10 commandment - thousands of years before people like Tim Ferris thought they were on to something new.

In other words: can you study on Sunday? Sure. You can also probably even try and stay away 20 hours a day to study even more. But the real question is whether this will accomplish anything more than inefficiency and time mismanagement. God realized it wouldn't from the beginning and science is now realizing the idea is... very inspired.

My advice is: study hard 6 days and on the seventh, recharge yourself spiritually. Every indication is that you will dominate the competition if you can learn to do this.

Sounds like you just have some soul searching to do. You aren't a bad person for doing bad things. Good people make bad decisions. The first step in changing is becoming aware, which you seem to be.



Now take your realization and turn it into a teaching moment. You recognize that you did not like who you were being. Now decide what kind of person you would like to be and work on being that person.



You would probably really like the book Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza


*link

https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/1401938094/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o05_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

this book is great

u/SolutionsCBT, a regular contributor here, has a couple of relevant books as well: The Philosophy of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Build Your Resilience.

@willam:
>2016-03-19 00:06:52 UTC

>SUCK LESS: Where There's a Willam, There's a Way is officially available for pre-order. amazon.com

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[^[Mistake?]](/message/compose/?to=TweetPoster&subject=Error%20Report&message=/4b10x4%0A%0APlease leave above link unaltered.)
^[Suggestion]
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> suck less get better

Does this book work too?
https://www.amazon.de/Suck-Less-Where-Theres-Willam/dp/1455566195

I went through a period of no friends. I have battled with depression, so I know what you're feeling. Unfortunately and fortunately, I realized that I had no real friends during a really bad bout of depression. At first, I felt really sad that no one cared. Like you, the only happy birthday wish I got was from my 3 immediate family members.

After a while of wallowing, I came upon a realization- it was better to have no friends at all than fake friends. I began to work on myself and had another realization- I could be the best to myself. Everything I was missing in my life(friend, mom, family, significant other, etc.), I could be that best version to myself. When I realized that, I decided that I would no longer settle for shitty people in my life. So, I began to be thankful for the opportunity to realize where I had been and where I wanted go to, as far as who I surrounded myself with.

At that point, I chose not to actively look for friends but to be open to the possibility. If anyone came into my life, I'd only let them stay if they supported me mentally and emotionally, made an effort to understand who I am, didn't make fun of me, treated me fairly, respected my boundaries, brought joy into my life, etc.

As part of working on myself that I mentioned above, I began to read blogs, comics, & articles, watch videos, read books and the like about subjects pertaining to mental, emotional, and spiritual health-

• depression
  
  
• anxiety
  
  
• healthy relationships, signs of abusive relationships
  
  
• mental vs emotional abuse
  
  
• setting boundaries
  
  
• compassionate communication
  
  
• narcissistic parents/people
  
  
• adhd, autism, and the spectrum
  
  
• OCD
  
  
• different spiritual beliefs(not religious beliefs, although world religions interest me as well)
  
  
• mindfulness
  
  
• types of meditation
  
  
• healthy coping mechanisms
  
  
• introversion vs. extroversion
  
  
• being assertive without being aggressive
  
  Anywhere those searches lead me, I followed. I didn't do this every day because some days, some weeks, it was hard to be motivated to do anything. But, after spending some time forcing myself out of bed, and making time, it got easier. Books like this were incredibly helpful.
  
  I also began to see a therapist and healer. They were very supportive with my choices and nonjudgemental about my life and what I had been through. My advice is, if you choose the therapy route, please find someone you mesh well with. Don't stick with someone just because they are a therapist. You should like them and be comfortable with them. After all, you'll be seeing them on a regular basis and delving into some deep things with this person!

Here's the thing, there will never be a moment or event where you suddenly become quantifiably "worthy". There exists no one in this world who can objectively tell you that you're doing things right, that you're someone with value to give. There is no external measure by which you can determine if you're 'good enough'. That's just simple truth.

This may sound somewhat depressing, but in fact it can be extremely enlightening. Our worthiness is within our own agency, we choose to be worthless, we choose to view ourselves in a negative light. For me personally it was because I thought of value, worth, and other things in an ambiguous way, I couldn't concretely define what they were so it was natural to assume I just didn't have them. We believe we have no worth and this gives us a lens that feeds us information that reinforces this belief. Eventually we believe we have no worth because of the lens and info we get from it, it's a feedback loop.

I believed I had no worth because I had no basis for believing it, but what I didn't realize was that conversely I had equal basis for believing the opposite. The solution is simple, you just have to believe you have worth. You have to instil into your psyche that What you bring and what you say inherently has value simply because it comes from you.

I said simple, not easy. The simplest things are very often the hardest things to do. You can't logically deduce it, you can't get it externally, and you can't hope one day it will just suddenly change. It is quite literally blind faith that it is true, make it your mantra. Your mind will tell you that it's not true, that it's silly, that there's no reason to believe it, but ignore this and say to yourself (it'll sometimes feel like you're lying to yourself) "What I bring and what I say inherently has value simply because it comes from me". That is the truth.

I feel like this is almost shitty advice because it boils down to "Just do it" but that's honestly what it takes.

Best of luck, it sounds like you're already on the path.

A few books I found useful: [Note: as with any advice, don't take the entirety as doctrine. Read and extract the pieces of advice that you find useful]

Subtle art of not giving a fuck

Practicing the power of now

I think a lot of problems with meditation arise because people don't really understand their mind and what it does. Instead, they just look at meditation as an exercise that can provide certain benefits. But, if you don't know the real problem that exists (in this case, your compulsive mind and its activity), you don't have a clear reason to do anything about it.

In my opinion, the best resource for understanding your mind it Tolle's "The Power of Now" (or, if you want a more concise version, "Practicing the Power of Now"). Another good resource is this free guide - it's gives a good introduction to the mind and simple instructions for meditating.

I recommend you read this book:


Allen Carr's Stop Drinking Now Without Willpower


Helps change the exact mindset you have. When you stop drinking, you aren't giving up anything. You are only gaining things in life. Alcohol isn't your friend. Alcohol isn't enjoyable and Alcohol IS a poison.

You're welcome! As others have stated in this thread, you can find many of the works online since they're in the public domain.

I wouldn't say that I'm very knowledgeable about stoicism, but I recommend following Ryan Holiday's blog (http://www.ryanholiday.net). Here are a couple article he wrote about stoicism: 1, 2, [3]. He wrote a book about stoicism called The Obstacle is the Way that makes for an easy read about being stoic. Holiday did a podcast interview with Tim Ferriss about this book and stoicism, and then some (Ferriss is a big fan of Seneca). Holiday also did a TED talk about "stoic optimism." Holiday's writings in generally are pretty great, but his expertise is mostly (the manipulation of the) media and marketing.

Maria Popova also wrote about Seneca's On the Shortness of Life, Marcus Aurelius, and Montaigne, who was heavily influenced by stoicism. She also wrote about Epictetus and a posted a short Visual Dictionary of the Major Schools of Philisophy. There's also Popova's podcast appearance of Ferriss' podcast(check the show notes for when they discussion Seneca and stoicism it might be for a short time but it's a good episode about organizing life and priorities in general). I recommend following Popova's http://www.brainpickings.org/ too since there are a lot of great, intellectually stimulating posts.

James Altucher also has a couple podcasts that are good. He has his interview podcast where he interviews big thinkers of a topic and he has a podcast called "Ask Altucher" where he answers listeners questions and then some. He also has a blog that has good posts too. He comes off as a pretty stoic guy, like Ryan Holiday.

I think these are all a pretty good starting points. Take your time and be discriminating in your path. Don't overburden yourself either. Starting small is essential!

I hope this helped and feel free to message me!

Mindset, and the ability to stick with things, matters more than the path you choose. How to get the right mindset? Read or listen to things that help you attain the mindset you need to conquer your obstacles. It's like hanging around with ultra-successful people who are mentoring you every day. Here are some good things to read or listen to:

• The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday
  
  
• Meditations by Marcus Aurelius (free online, or pay for the Hays Translation which is supposedly better)
  
  
• The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris
  
  A TL;DR of the mindset you're going for: There are some things you can control and some you can't. For the things you can't control, don't worry about them! For the things you can control, be like a blazing fire that consumes anything that stands in its way. If you have even an ounce of control over something, master yourself and push will all your might against the obstacle.

Looks like u/FI-or-fly is talking about this book.

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyways by Susan Jeffers is pretty solid.

The Obstacle is The Way is one of my personal favorites. I've purchased this book around 4 times as gifts for friends and it's my personal bible. By pushing through boundaries, even if they are difficult, we grow. The book teaches how to approach anxiety inducing scenarios with new perspectives that make it tolerable and empowering to push forward. We grow by pushing through uncomfortable scenarios. This is how we grow confidence. Confidence is not simply being able to do something. It's being ok that you're fearful, but proceeding anyways because you know deep down that whatever happens, you'll be able to handle the result.

It seems there has been a study that says otherwise.

Wow that's quite the situation, but clearly you've thought it through and have goals and plans.

I think healing yourself (and not repeating the previous isolation) should be your first order of business. Improve your understanding of yourself, treat your body with care, improve your contentment and study yourself.

I do suggest that you read the book "12 Rules For Life", your local library should have a copy if you want to be frugal. I enjoyed the book and think it would help you.

Isolation and anxiety can be very harmful. I think developing a few close friendships will help you get the social connections and friendships you need but also give you the chance to get some space and time to yourself.

Daily incremental improvements really add up - just like interest (or debt) in a bank account. Each day, do little things that move you forward. A little exercise. A little extra kindness to your fellow humans. Save a few dollars. A little self-confidence.

I'm glad you have ambitious long-term goals, that's great! Not sure if my rambling has helped or not.

I know your situation. Been there myself. Still fall back into it more often than i'd like to admit. Here is what I have found helpful: Declutter your digital life to the absolute essence. Use HostsMan or HostsFileEditor to blacklist porn, news and all the other timevampires you can think of. Disable Autoplay for YouTube. Than install Improve YouTube! and set it up, so you won't fall into YouTubes traps (feel free to import my settings). I would also recommend to install Toggle YouTube Comments so you can choose to interact but have to make that decision actively. Try minimalism (the less you own, the less you have to clean up); Clean up your room; Make it beautiful. See if you can manage to meditate every now and than. Try to reduce the time you spent in the digital and increase the time you spent in the physical world. Choose one routine you want to build and focus on that task for 66 days. Read The Power of Habit if you want to understand how habits work. Work with Leo Babautas Essential Zen Habits if you need support implementing habits and routines. Detox your mind by creating, recording and listening to your own affirmations.

If you feel like WASTING your time: Watch How To STOP Wasting Time And Procrastinating Your Life Away. Watch, read, listen: Jordan B. Peterson (YouTube), Akira the Don (YouTube), Tidying Up with Marie Kondo or at least something that brings your mood up and motivates you to take up the fight (that life is): f.e. Haikyuu!!, Boku no Hero Academia, Days aso.

Or to tackle your situation from Alfred Adlers approach, why do you choose to live that way? What is the payoff for you sitting around and not taking care of your life?

And lastly, feel free to pm me whenever you want to.

First, congratulations! Exciting to be going out on your own.

Getting your contracting license is just the first step to running your own business. There is SO much to know. You may know the contracting field backwards and forwards, but as a business owner you also have to know accounting, bookkeeping, marketing, legal (business formation), management, and more.

While I can't give you any advice about contracting, I've owned a company for more than 17 years. I'd like to suggest a few books I think will really help you on the business/marketing aspects.

The E-Myth Revisited by Michael Gerber

How to work ON your business, not IN it. Great book on building systems and processes in your business.

Financial Intelligence for Entrepreneurs

What the numbers really mean. How to read the financial statements and know what they mean to your business.

Getting Things Done by David Allen

The best productivity book out there.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey

Not as much a book on productivity as it is on priorities, leadership, and purpose. Probably the most impactful book I've ever read... it was given to me at my first job (almost 20 years ago) and I reread it every couple of years.

If you aren't into reading books, at least take some online courses in business, marketing, management, etc. Watch some TED talks. Go to a conference or two.

And be sure to post here and ask questions when you're stumped... lots of really helpful people here in /r/Entrepreneur!

[Body for Life by Bill Phillips](
http://www.amazon.com/Body-Life-Mental-Physical-Strength/dp/0060193395) - regardless of its merits, it has some fantastic progress pics and a 'change for life' philosophy. This is not what got my current journey going, nor do I use it now, but it's what made me take the first step, long before I took any successful steps.

Burn the fat, feed the muscle by Tom Venuto - technically an e-book, so not sure if that counts. Still, this little PDF taught me a lot that my college courses did not, and has an excellent philosophy behind it. Probably got me half of the way to starting out properly, even if I don't necessarily adhere to his approach, the knowledge was invaluable.

> How does one who has never tried at anything, try at life?

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

Some challenges seem huge but if you break them down into little pieces you can conquer them. How do you do that? Just start doing anything and something will happen.

Succeeding in my line of work is all about the effort I put into my projects. Even if I work my tail off there is a chance I could fail but the success is so sweet that I have to keep trying. Just do anything. Good luck.

Books: The Four Agreements

Ender's Game

Body for Life

If You Haven't Got the Time to Do It Right, When Will You Find the Time to Do It Over?

The War if Art

I got something out of these, maybe you will too. Good luck.

Getting started is easy. It sounds stupidly simple but it is this one step that separates those that have and those that have not; just start making videos!

In my day job I give a lot of presentations on startups, blogging, and what it takes to be 'successful' and, it is very sad to say, people just don't do things.

Starting out do not worry about your 'voice' or what game you want to cover. Don't worry about what topics to talk about or that one video was about HoN and the next about SC2. the only thing that matters is your schedule. Tell yourself twice a week I am going to put up a video - who cares what it is on or about.

Over time you will find your 'voice'. You will find what you like to cover and what you don't. Seriously, the only advice I can give you is just to start making videos. You are going to have haters, that is the fact of the internet. Period.

Here are some resources I link to in my presensations

Guy Kawasaki's 'Art of Start'

Tim Ferris: Dealing with Haters

Gary Vaynerchuck's 'crush it'

These are just a few things to get you pumped. What you do from here is up to you.

GL HF

You need two things. The actual business knowledge, so read some technical books on the different facets of business. law, accounting, management, sales, automation, etc. Then how to think like an entrepreneur. A lot of the other book suggestions here could be boiled down to a one page summary and the rest is a lot of hot air. If you want to think like an entrepreneur, I'd suggest "Crush it" or "Thank you economy". Still lots of hot air, but he talks about the mindset, which is the definite key to being a successful entrepreneur.

This is the story of my (academic) life. Add in being bullied (abused, actually) at home and at school, very low self-esteem, and concomitant social skills. Never learned how to study, but was always the top of the class until university. Admitted to private, competitive university in the engineering school. Utterly crashed and burned.

Something I discovered just last week that's been helping me in my quest to re-learn/learn-for-the-first-time calculus and physics is this book on procrastination, the Now Habit. It was recommended on reddit; it's different from most stop-procrastinating books. It emphasizes behavioral modification, not just a get-tough approach that fails to understand why smart people procrastinate.

I'm presently not in school; working as an electrician apprentice. I would recommend staying in college and staying on track, if you can. If you can't, there is no shame in taking a year off to learn what you didn't learn in high school. But, you'll have to be very disciplined to not let it degrade into a situation where you tell yourself that you're working on this, but really are just fooling yourself with behavior that fails to address and rectify the crux of the problem.

Make sure you are being honest with yourself. I would also recommend meditating (Full-Catastrophe Living). This book literally changed my life. Also, think about doing a 10-day silent retreat. You'll finally have to actually see yourself without distraction.

Edit: Don't be shy about trying other textbooks, reading about the topics that you're having trouble with in Wikipedia, posting questions on forums like physicsforums.com. I'm presently working through Michael Spivak's Calculus. It's working for me better than the standard university textbooks (like Thomas, for instance), because it is more in-depth and relies less on hand-waving to prove the material. I have trust issues, so hand-waving doesn't work with me. :)

Edit: markdown.

I hope this gets upvoted so it can help more people.

Let me save you some time, read the book THE NOW HABIT by Neil Fiore.
http://www.amazon.com/The-Now-Habit-Overcoming-Procrastination/dp/0874775043

It's the fucking ultimate weapon against procrastination. Everything else is useless.

the book "possum living" suggested getting food cheap by buying in bulk at feed stores. i haven't gone this route myself. i did get a handful of black sunflower seeds which are coming up nicely right now.

http://www.amazon.com/Possum-Living-Without-Almost-Money/dp/0982053932

As a fellow over-thinker, I completely understand the different trains of thought you describe here. What helped me was to gather a little perspective by widening my scope. Over-thinkers have a tendency to fall into a very narrow scope when it comes to how we view certain things, because we spend so much time delving into the depths of those things that we lose sight of the why, or the bigger picture. I'd recommend listening to some Alan Watts, especially his talks about "purpose," and maybe taking some time to redefine your why. Why do you go to the gym? Why do you want to go? If you feel pressured to do something because of someone else, or a community of someone elses, then you aren't going for you and of course you aren't going to be satisfied/happy. That was seriously a massive wake-up call for me.

Secondly, try to look past the insults from those people. They are projecting because at some point they were in a situation where they lacked discipline and that type of aggressive insulting was probably what they needed to hear to develop self-discipline. And that's okay. But it's clearly not what you need. That being said, the discipline answer is really the right answer once you strip away the insults. Once you've rediscovered your why I'd recommend reading the book Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual by Jocko Willink. He examines the idea of building discipline and looks at the idea of discipline from multiple mental perspectives. That and look up the psychology behind Mel Robbins' 5 second rule. Those two things provide a pretty strong framework for how to cultivate self-discipline. Ultimately though, it's going to boil back down to your why. For me it turns out my why was simply because I like the way it looks and feels to be in shape and to be able to help friends and family with manual labor like moving or gardening, or go rock climbing with my buddies. Once you know your why (it's likely going to be very simple once you zero in on it) you will have won half the battle.

Good luck on your journey and know that you're not alone.

Medical school with 1,000 card days almost every day. 4 hours of lecture and 4 hours of labs. Make it happen.


https://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Equals-Freedom-Field-Manual/dp/1250156947/ref=nodl_

Also, use the pomodoro timer method and when you study ANYTHING turn the phone off and stay away from distractions

Relapses will occur time and time again. Best way to deal with those relapses is to prepare ahead of time not to fall prey to them. Plan well in advance for situations where you think you'll relapse (Uninstall games, stay away from streams and gaming websites).

Watch this video from John Sonmez maybe it will help.
Also read Jocko Willink's Discipline Equals Freedom. (You can also find the audio version on Spotify or Amazon Music)

I'd then also recommend Robert Greene's Mastery. I've written all over my copy, great for taking notes if you want to pursue a singular passion like the greats.

Certainly not historical, but Ferriss' Tools of Titans had a great mix of improvement like 48 Laws that you could dip in and out of. I'm not a huge fan of Tim Ferriss, but I enjoyed sampling through what caught my interest.

Just looking at your user page, I too can see that we share the all too elusive 'capacity for critical and intelligent thought which aims to achieve higher and broader levels of consciousness and personal growth' ...on a good day at least...on the other days I go back and forth from one WTF extreme to another...Crazy times we're living in right? If you haven't heard of it this book Tools for Titans is just up your alley I bet...Here's the author Tim Ferriss on the Tonight Show ...Not only did the content and idea of the book itself hook me instantly, but I was amazed at how graceful and relaxed Tim Ferriss was from start to finish in this interview, he even managed to calm Fallon down which is no easy feat, it left me thinking "I want to do what that dude is doing" Thank you for the compliment; when I am tripping I tend to listen to Led Zeppelin, Steely Dan and The Grateful Dead, my thoughts probably couldn't be reigned in enough to write...are you some kind of chemist? I have a big 'Breaking Bad' style camper, let's get a bunch of rye berries, harvest the ergot fungus on them, then you do your chemistry thing and bring it back ala' Stanley Owlsley! haha

Great guy! Would really recommend reading his book.

https://www.amazon.com/Last-Lecture-Randy-Pausch/dp/1401323251

Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One https://www.amazon.com/dp/1401938094/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_TFCfAb40K5VXD

I always struggle with motivation and direction, even as an adult. I figured that it's all about the conversation you have in your head and fixing that. Here are a few things that help me on a daily basis.

​

Great book on mindset Breaking the habit of Being Yourself by Dr. Joe Dispenza

https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Habit-Being-Yourself-Create/dp/1401938094

​

This is a great app for daily motivation and mindset. Personally, i cannot meditate so this helps. https://getmotivateapp.com

​

When I was in a dark place this blog helped me a lot https://jamesaltucher.com .

​

Good luck!

Give them the benefit of the doubt. They may just be having a bad day and it's not your fault, you just happen to be the person they are taking it out on.

She may have a million things to do and quotas to meet and is just annoyed she is ringing up "one" thing so the effort doesn't seem worth it. That doesn't mean she hates you. That means she hates her job. People that enjoy their job don't act like that.

But also consider what expression you have when you have social interactions. Do you approach girls in an awkward way? It's easy to identify this if you pay attention to whether you approach girls differently than you approach guys.
Are you expecting or hoping for something? Girls can get creeped out immediately if you have a smirk or look like you want to strike up a conversation. Don't say anything unrelated to the current transaction. Don't be overly thankful or gracious, that's weird too. Listen carefully for and consider your expectations before every interaction for the next week and question your assumptions. If you walk up to a cute girl who is a cashier with the thought, "Jesus I am lonely and she is the prettiest girl I have ever seen, maybe somehow I could ask her out" she is going to smell that from twenty feet away and recoil in horror. That would be a legitimate reason why her instant response is, "Fuck of asshole!"

But if that's not you, remember there are options when you think they are taking things out on you unnecessarily.

Speak up. Ask, is something wrong? Be assertive in interactions like this by asking for information.

Tell their manager. Stand up for yourself when someone acts inappropriately. Walk over to another employee and say can I speak to a manager? It's ridiculously easy. Then stand with your back to the offending employee and explain what happened.

Skills like active listening help with this. It allows you to be articulate and find out more information without getting angry or being rude.

> service people, waitresses, cashiers and random people

Why is this class of people so high on your radar? Do you have thoughts that you are better than them? Do you secretly wish people who are beneath you would shower you with affection because you're so amazing? You might have some "class snob" predispositions or fantasies. Have you always fantasized about having sex with the maid or a servant? It's ok! Don't beat yourself up about it. We're all freaks in our own way. But if it's eating us up then it needs work.

Keeping a thought diary can help suss these things out. You don't have to write a lot, just what persistent thoughts are you having when it comes to certain social interactions. Listen and pause when some good information comes up and write it down. If nothing really obvious seems to be coming out, write every thought for a few days and then give it a day or two. Then go back and re-read your thoughts. That can sometimes help make the right things pop out at you.

You don't have to write every day, just when you need it. It's meant to work for you and enhance your introspection, not to be a burden. When you get agitated about something start writing your thoughts, feelings emotions. Take time, let yourself cool down. Then go back and reread it to reflect.

Work on not taking small slights personally.

> What other people think of me is none of my business.

Repeat this to yourself like a broken record until it sinks in. You don't have time to make everyone like you. Remember too, if we accomplish something that is amazing there will still be people who hate it. So live your life, follow your dreams, and don't let miserable people bring you down.

Some people get really angry when they hold the door open for someone and they don't say thank you. This is a waste of time. Same with small slights. Don't let the world eat you alive. Work on your resilience and lower your social anxiety.

Therapy helps and you don't have to take meds. It can just be very helpful to talk to someone face to face for a few sessions who is trained to help people deal with life's challenges. If you get some stuff written down in a journal or notebook you can take it to your sessions as a memory aid and also use it to write down the therapist's recommendations. Be especially kind to yourself the next couple of weeks while you're working on it. Hang in there!

Suck Less: Where There's a Willam, There's a Way

I don't have a problem "paying" - some of the things that furthered my practice the most were books by Eckhart Tolle, time I spent on several different retreats, and the course here. I think all of the people that write, create, and/or teach something that benefits me should be able to support themselves just like anyone else.

I do have a problem with a post that serves no other purpose but to promote a product/site.

Heres the trick, The future doesn't exist yet.. Past also doesn't exist anymore.

All you will ever experience in your life is the present moment, Which can be easily ruined by anxiety over future events.

Checkout this book: https://www.amazon.com/Practicing-Power-Now-Essential-Meditations/dp/1577311957

Amazing book

So just to get the ball rolling I'll share a key lesson that I've learned from my mentor, who's pretty high up there in the corporate world. As in this guy is featured in business magazines, works with billionaires and meets with CEOs of household name companies on a regular basis. That kind of level. That's not to brag (and he's not even the type that would himself anyway), that's to give weight to the advice he's given me that I'll share with you guys. Because it's coming from "the top of the mountain" so to speak.

The buzzwords at that level are CREATIVITY and INNOVATION. CEOs and leaders of all kinds of fields are desperate for creative thinkers who can come up with new ideas and solutions. No matter how competent and masterful you may be at doing what's already established in your field, if you don't have any drive to innovate then the furthest you will ever get is a "Worker Bee of the Year" award and a company mug when you retire.

Now this is obviously not "new" advice, since it's been out there since the 1930s. But in a shitty economy that is nothing like the one your parents faced, it is more crucial than ever. My mentor has told me that in this day and age, unless you are very highly specialized and rare, then getting someone capable of doing "typical" work processes is becoming much easier (and cheaper) every day. Somewhere in the world there is someone who can also do your job, is way more desperate for it, and will probably do it for cheaper than you.

What companies are willing to pay and pay well for is creativity and leadership in your field, because they will come to YOU for that.

This applies across all fields. STEM, or non-STEM. Whether you're on Wall Street, or in academia. Innovate, innovate, innovate. Don't just be "good" at what you do. Be a person who is pushing your field further in whatever ways you can. It doesn't have to be groundbreaking or revolutionary, though of course that would be great. It's not that you have to be the next Steve Jobs. But at least demonstrate to your superiors (or to whoever matters for your career advancement) that you aren't succumbing to inertia and that your focus is on the future of your field--not the past.

And if you don't care enough about your field to even want to innovate in it, you might want to reconsider what you're doing. Unless you're OK with mediocrity, which is really fine if that's all you really want. (Not being sarcastic here, I know not everyone has career as their #1 priority and believe me I can understand that.) But if professional/career success is your priority, this is what I'm being told is essential in these times.

I realized the importance of using love and desire as stimulants to raise your vibration, not just semen retention. I’ve always felt that I lacked in love energy from past suffering, and have been told to start using my love energy more by an astrology reader. I remembered the last time I was in love and it’s true, my vibration was extremely high then, even before I knew about SR.

Here’s the book I have:

https://www.amazon.com/Think-Grow-Rich-Landmark-Bestseller/dp/1585424331/ref=asc_df_1585424331/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=312009828129&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=12753329312955903371&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9012661&hvtargid=pla-406163951913&psc=1

It’s called the “Win Hof Method.” It uses breathwork and controlled cold exposure to achieve conscious control of some autonomic nervous system functions, such as vasoconstriction and vasodilation. This Book is a pretty easy read and comes at the whole like like a seasoned skeptic.

You should read The 5 Second Rule:

https://www.amazon.com/Second-Rule-Transform-Confidence-Everyday/dp/1682612384/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1495698076&sr=8-1&keywords=the+five+second+rule

This will help with your approach anxiety by basically programing your brain and body into action. Conquering fear comes from experience, and this will help with that experience. Also I'd suggest practice flirting or conversation with in situations where you have to, like when you're ordering coffee at starbucks, buying groceries at the register when you talk with a bank teller. Practice those skills and in a few months you will see a lot of improvement. You know where you need to start, so that's a huge win. Time to stop dipping your toe in te water and say "fuck it, I'm diving in."

Motivation comes and goes. Don't rely on feeling like it.

Your feelings are, with apologies, irrelevant. Tomorrow, you'll either have worked out and logged calories or you won't have. There are no second prizes for failing while feeling bad about it. Failure is failure, and you can't turn it into success by saying: but I wasn't motivated.

The reason it's difficult is that you want to feel good about it. Let go of that. Feel shitty and unmotivated, and put on your pants. Grumble, and tie your shoes. Bitch all the way to the gym and hate every moment, make sour faces at anyone who passes, but move your muscles.

Don't get motivated. Just make a decision that this is what you're going to do, like pulling out a splinter. You do not debate. You don't hesitate or think about it or search your feelings. You put on your shoes.

Mel Robbins' Five Second Rule was helpful for me. This talk called Motivation is Garbage is also nice, even though it feels like an infomercial. Is an infomercial. <shrugs> She describes why waiting to feel like it doesn't work.

Allen Carr's "Stop Drinking Now" book worked for me and a lot of people.

It literally changes your view of alcohol and this stops the cravings dead in their tracks.

Please, at least read the reviews on amazon, or better yet, start reading the book ASAP. https://www.amazon.com/Stop-Drinking-Allen-Carrs-Easyway/dp/1784045411/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?ie=UTF8&qid=1519300260&sr=8-1-spons&keywords=stop+drinking+now&psc=1

Come over to r/smallbusiness, and definitely read The E-Myth Revisited.

Well, it just so happens that I have a list prepared to tweet out—figured I'd share here as well :)

How to Win Friends & influence People

Never Eat Alone

The E-Myth Revisited

Jab, Jab, Jab, Right Hook

Tribes

Linchpin

A Whole New Mind

The Neatest Little Guide to Stock Market Investing

The millionaire Next Door

Cashflow Quadrant

Why We Want you to be Rich

Drive

Rework

The 4 Hour Work Week

Entreleadership

Thou Shalt Prosper

Driven

How to Get Ideas

The Go-Giver

Please, please, please do yourself a solid and read The E-Myth Revisited by Michael E. Gerber. It has nothing to do with e-commerce but rather what happens when ambitious individuals start their own business and the pitfalls they encounter as the business grows and has to hire people and do boring business stuff that founders generally don't like. Seriously, it's super useful.

Even if you don't agree with the main thesis of standardizing and automating your business, having a road map of the challenging mental space that you will navigate as a founder will be very useful.

Don't make me buy it for you ;)

read "The E-Myth revisisted" by Michael Gerber https://www.amazon.com/Myth-Revisited-Small-Businesses-About-ebook/dp/B000RO9VJK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1536329620&sr=8-1&keywords=the+e-myth+revisited

It is a short book that talks about why small business fail and how to not fail and not burn out. Essential reading for anyone looking to start a business, especially a retail/service business.

Don't spend money up front that you don't have. It's better to start small and expand than to start big and be stuck with a lease you can't cover.

Is this the book you're talking about? It sounds like a good one.

Here's a really good book that will tell you everything you need for maximizing your work outs and eating healthy.
Body for Life.

I wanted to put a little more emphasis on nutrition. You need to be eating your protein if you want to build muscle. In addition to adding more chicken, eggs, tuna to your diet buy some other protein supplement and drink a couple protien shakes a day. This is more important than working out. I've heard the rule being eat 1.5g of protien per lb of body weight each day but I think that might be overkill..

With your body make up I suggest this:

http://www.amazon.com/Body-Life-Mental-Physical-Strength/dp/0060193395/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321196057&sr=8-1

It's one of the best body building books there is. You'll have to up your caloric intake to put it on however this book and workout is simply amazing.

Everyone should know these principals as a foundation for training.

Body for Life, Eating for Life, and Transformation by Bill Phillips. Transformation is his latest book. If you want just one, get that. Body for Life is pretty cheap though (especially on half.com).

I went from 240lbs with a 42" waist to 160lbs and a 32" waist back in high school. I'm on the diet again (college messed me up) and I'm down 50lbs in the last 5 months.

See Crush It! by Gary Vaynerchuk.

Not sure if it's what you're looking for but there's Crush It! (i haven't read it/don't plan to).

Books regarding how to build your online business / extract value out of an email list come from people who collected their online offerings.

For example: Ryan Levesque "Ask" on how to build products through email lists are a compilation of user stories from what he's done online.

With that said if you're looking for general entrepreneurship books here are a few I would check out:

• My Startup Life by Ben Casnocha. Ben started a company in his teens. Recently he wrote a book with Reid Hoffman (founder of LinkedIn) called The Startup of You
  
  
• Crush It by Gary Vaynerchuck
  
  
• The Four Hour Workweek by Tim Ferriss
  
  The best books to read to get through the thick and thin however are not business books. For example, Meditations by Marcus Aurelius is excellent

YES

If you have the opportunity to make your dreams happen, do it. If you want a good book to help you figure out a few things, read Crush It! by Gary Vaynerchuk. There are many other books too, hang out in a library or a book store for a couple hours.

If you have a dream and other people might want what you are selling, also look into Kickstarter for funding - but you have to market your idea to pull it off.

Good luck and follow your passion!

To be fair...he wrote A book. And it wasn't particularly ground breaking, his first book was basically the TL;DR version of "The One to One Future" by Peppers and Rodgers:

http://www.amazon.com/One-Future-Don-Peppers/dp/0385485662/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414407616&sr=1-1&keywords=the+one+to+one+future

http://www.amazon.com/Crush-Time-Cash-Your-Passion/dp/0061914177/ref=sr_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1414407524&sr=1-3&keywords=Gary+Vaynerchuk

Podcasts:

• Online Marketing Made Easy
  
• Growth Marketing Toolbox
  
• Social Media Marketing
  
• Build Your Tribe
  
• Everyone Hates Marketers
  
• Pat Flynn Smart Passive Income
  
• Masters of Scale
  
• How I Built This
  
• Tim Ferriss
  
• Startup School with Seth Godin or Akimbo
  
• GaryVee Audio Experience
  
  Books:
  
  
• Anything by Seth Godin
  
• 22 Immutable Laws of Marketing
  
• Blue Ocean Strategy
  
• Small Giants
  
• Crush It
  
• The Tipping Point
  

> Have you found a cure?

I found the "The Now Habit" by Neil Fiore to be a good book.

Read this.

If you're serious, then this will be the best $5.75 that you've ever spent.

The Now Habit

Don't whip yourself.

you can get away with waaaaaaaaaaaay less than that.

possum living

dwelling portably #1
dwelling portably #2
dwelling portably #3

Its a book by Dolly Freed about living outside of the "money economy". Covers everything from housing to food to booze. A bit dated, but a fantastic read nonetheless. Get it at Amazon

That's impressive the low rent, expenses, etc.

Still, at best you're able to fund 2-3 years expenses and that's being optimistic and assuming nothing goes awry. With that low budget you don't have much wiggle room. Even if you cut it down you're gonna need a source of income if it's around $200-300/month even that still would only get you at best 5 years and again that's being super optimistic and assuming you really are able to survive on the low end.

Daniel Suelo has a blog and a book about how he lived without money, but he had a lot of family and friend support and even still barely made it and struggled a bit here and there because of it.

https://www.amazon.com/Man-Who-Quit-Money/dp/1594485690

Maybe check out possum living too. https://www.amazon.com/Possum-Living-Without-Almost-Revised/dp/0982053932 they were able to live on only $700/year but it was in the 70s and they had their family helping with work as well as a home.

While again super impressed, it seemed like it probably wasn't worth emulating to me personally. A lot could go wrong, they were lucky it went as well as it did.

Also as a renter with roommates you're susceptible to increases over time, sure you can move and find a new place, but on that low level it'll be a challenge and moving is a hassle even if you don't have much belongings.

Don't get me wrong I'm all for living an unconventional life and checking out early and/or often, but you're really going to need a source of income or drastically cut costs and even still unless you're able to cut it by like 10x I'm pretty sure you're going to need to do some sort of work or earn an income,

Not all books, but if I had to choose only 5, these would be them:

• "Possum Living" by Dolly Freed (living very cheaply)
  
• Botany in a Day (pattern method of plant identification)
  
• Dmitri Orlov's Blog (creative solutions to housing, skills, self-employment)
  
• Deconstructing Dinner (Best radio show on the food system and the models rising to replace it)
  
• When Technology Fails (here because it's such an empowering book, shows you how to do everything yourself if you ever have to.)
  
  
  

I have read Meditations, it was good. But i dn´t know if it was really transcendan great. I like Stoicism in general, but i kinda fear that a lot of it just pseudo science.
https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1518707606&sr=1-1&keywords=The+Power+of+Habit%3A+Why+We+Do+What+We+Do+in+Life+and+Business

https://www.amazon.com/Discipline-Equals-Freedom-Field-Manual/dp/1250156947/ref=pd_sim_14_4?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=1250156947&pd_rd_r=CEA4PP557N8GZNSAB8MW&pd_rd_w=gO35n&pd_rd_wg=gFxuC&psc=1&refRID=CEA4PP557N8GZNSAB8MW

Im also considering these two books.

Read this and change your life...
Discipline Equals Freedom: Field Manual — Jocko Willink

Discipline. Ambition and motivation are worth nothing if you don't have discipline.

My old man used to tell me

• create a routine in your life and stick to it
  
• make your routine uncomfortable
  
  My routine is simple: 1) I wake up at 4am daily 2) I have an exercise routine 3) I take a cold shower.
  
  It sounds crazy but it works for me.
  
  You'll have more energy, and focus that you can't even imagine. The more energy you have, the more motivation. The more motivation, the more results. Your ambition will be fed by the results you produce.
  
  I'd recommend this book by Jocko Willink
  
  Check out Gary Vaynerchuk too.

Autogenerated.

I am Tim Ferriss, host of “The Tim Ferriss Show” and author of “Tribe of Mentors.” AMA!

Hey reddit, Tim Ferriss here.

I’m best known for my books including “The 4-Hour Workweek”, “The 4-Hour Body”, “The 4-Hour Chef”, “Tools of Titans”, and “Tribe of Mentors,” which was released yesterday!

I am also the host of “The Tim Ferriss Show.” The podcast has been downloaded over 200,000,000 times and I’ve been fortunate enough to interview people including Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jamie Foxx, Edward Norton, Tony Robbins, Maria Popova, Peter Thiel, Marc Andreessen, Amanda Palmer, and a ton more.

My newest book is “Tribe of Mentors.” The book is the result of sending the same 11 questions to some of the most successful, wildly varied, and well-known people on the planet. People like Jimmy Fallon, Rick Rubin, Maria Sharapova, Ben Stiller, Greg Norman, Brené Brown, Dara Torres, and many more.

I asked the questions to seek guidance in my own life. I turned 40 this year, celebrated The 4-Hour Workweek’s 10th anniversary, and gave a vulnerable Ted Talk. As often happens at forks in the path—college graduation, quarter-life crisis, midlife crisis, kids leaving home, retirement—questions started to bubble to the surface. This book answers those questions from some of the world's most famous entrepreneurs, athletes, investors, poker players, and artists. The tips and strategies in have already changed my life, and I hope the same for you. If you’d like, you can read the introduction here.

Outside of podcasting and books I’m also an angel investor and startup advisor in companies such as Uber, Duolingo, Facebook, Twitter, Alibaba, and 50 more (Most are here: http://angel.co/tim).

Proof: https://imgur.com/a/Uv5lr


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Comment 1 of 1
Updated at 2017-11-22 14:55:24.432560

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not true. depending on the seller/company they do ship to Nepal I think.
For eg this book says it ships to Nepal:
https://www.amazon.com/Tools-Titans-Billionaires-World-Class-Performers/dp/1328683788

If you like Tim Ferriss, his new book is coming out in a couple of weeks: https://www.amazon.com/Tools-Titans-Billionaires-World-Class-Performers/dp/1328683788/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1479234626&sr=8-1&keywords=tools+of+titans

Link:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1328683788/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472838474&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=tools+of+titans&dpPl=1&dpID=51dztzJihTL&ref=plSrch

http://www.amazon.com/Last-Lecture-Randy-Pausch/dp/1401323251

I am in no way shape or form advertising this book for purposes of making money. But this book really helped me to understand life from a different perspective. The Last Lecture could be a good read for you in this time.

I'm going to copy my comment from the non-fiction thread:

• We Die Alone: A WWII Epic of Escape and Endurance by David Howarth et al.
  
  
• The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch et al.
  
  
  The first one is a little boring at times but seriously worth a read to the end. It's a crazy true story. And epic in every sense of the word. I remind myself of it when I'm feeling lost in my own problems and need some perspective.
  
  The Last Lecture is by a guy who was asked to give a lecture as if it was the last one you could ever give. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer so it was a really touching read.
  

Dr Pausch's "Last Lecture" was truly an inspiration to many people, including myself. While he may be gone, his words, wisdom, and passion lives on. If you haven't already, help spread his legacy by watching his "Last Lecture" and purchasing his book.

Last Lecture Video: Google Video link

Last Lecture Book: Amazon link

You should ask your mother to give you any advice she wants you to have when she gets older, advice she wants to give your children, and things she wants to tell your future wife.

Also, you should read The Last Lecture and watch it on youtube. This is something you and your mom will relate to...

I'm very sorry.

Read this book of you have time, it is essentially the same concept, this book is written beautifully, makes me year up. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1401323251/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1347589720&sr=8-1

There's a book I read a few weeks ago called "Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself" - I recommend reading it: https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Habit-Being-Yourself-Create/dp/1401938094

Since you are a woman, you have the advantage of being the one who's being approached.I'm a 28 year old guy, who never had a girlfriend, because I was never able to approach girls. Imagine how I feel. At least now I'm working on that a little.Now, this might seem a little weird, but you might want to have a look at the book "Breaking The Habit Of Being Yourself" by Joe Dispenza.

https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Habit-Being-Yourself-Create/dp/1401938094/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1549143573&sr=8-1&keywords=breaking+the+habit+of+being+yourself+by+joe+dispenza+new

I haven't read it in a while and I'm still not finished reading it, but it basically says we can re-wire our brain using positive self-talk / affirmations. For example: You are used to freeze up when someone talks to you and worrying. You could try practice self talk every day for 10 minutes, for example: "When a guy approaches me, I stay calm and focused." You have to hammer it into your subconscious until it becomes your default mode.You really have to keep saying the positive self-talk every day for at least 5 to 10 minutes. You might see changes after 2 to 3 weeks. If not, try a different affirmation.You will probably say: "I've been dealing with this shit for 10 years. I've tried stuff like that, you moron.", but that's okay. I just wanted to have mentioned it.

Just a week ago I started saying "I'll talk to at least one girl on each concert I attend." And guess what: In the last week I went to 2 concerts and talked to 2 girls. And I didn't even do it thinking:"Oh, I told myself to do it, so I have to do it." No, it just happened. My brain said it's the right thing to do. Of course there were the usual fights in my brain and all that, but in the end I won. Unfortunately, the girls weren't intereseted in me, but that's another story.

If I was able to approach girls with the help of positive self-talk, then you can learn to not freeze up when someone approaches you. Because it's much easier. ;-) You can do it!

​

You could also have a look at mindfulness meditation, but I'm sure you've already done that. Shuts up your mind, calms you down, living in the present moment, enjoying life etc. A brilliant thing./r/Mindfulness

Along with /u/FeelsGood2FeelGood's suggestion, I recommend Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself by Joe Dispenza because it also explains some of the mechanics behind LOA in scientific and biological means which gives you a better picture of it all.

Also anything by Neville Goddard. The Complete Reader has most of his books in one.

You should really read "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" by Dr. Joe Dispenza. It is truly revolutionary - I'm reading it right now and I feel like the keys to understanding life have just been handed to me.

Also I do think that you should follow the advice of other posters and consider getting help. If you need help finding a purpose in life read this, it can definitely help.

Good luck OP

Joe Dispenza: Breaking The Habit of Being Yourself: How to Lose Your Mind and Create a New One.

http://www.amazon.com/Breaking-The-Habit-Being-Yourself/dp/1401938094

This book explains battles between your emotions and your mind and how they interact. Granted, after he starts going into his meditative chapters I've bailed out of it. But he has some good insights. Worth a read.

I have read on the Internet from people that they were depressed and had thoughts that fit those distortions, but they knew those thoughts were not true and they attributed them to the depression, not themselves. They would say things like "that is the depression talking" and perhaps evaluate the thought rationally (maybe a bit like wondering if what someone else said has any validity).

A while back I had depressive moods. I knew about cognitive distortions, and I had meditated before. Still, I totally had those thoughts. Especially the feeling that the low mood would go on forever (I call this "eternalizing", don't know if I read that somewhere or if it's original), though I knew from experience that the mood would never last even a whole day. I think knowing not to believe those thoughts helped a lot.

The way (or one way) I think meditation helps is that during meditation, you can experience thoughts as something that is happening to you, rather than something that you do. When I think about what write in this post, the thoughts are clearly something I do. But during meditation, you can see that thoughts often pop-up out of nowhere. When someone says "Caspar, Melchior,..." you will most likely think "Balthasar". And this thought is clearly something automatic, not something you do.

I've read this self-help book based on ACT. I think what I described is what in ACT is called cognitive defusion, were you do not try to change your thoughts, you try to change your relationship to them.

I have had problems with this my entire life. You could be me but a bit younger than me.

The one thing that has worked for me is realising that other peoples opinions of me don't really matter to me if I am doing a good job of living my life to my standards.

Other peoples opinions of you are just their opinion. If someone is criticises you and you know for sure they are wrong then you can just say to yourself. "Thats your opinion and I don't agree with it"

Similarly you can change your opinions of yourself. After all you can change your mind on practically anything. It does take a lot of work but you can do it.

Two books I can really recommend are both by Donald Robertson. Stoicism and the art of happiness and Build your resilience They are both based on the Greco-Roman philosophy philosophy of Stoicism. If you have gone through CBT or DBT you will be familiar with a lot of the material already as these therapies are both based on Stoicism.

> I started trying to meditate recently by closing my eyes and trying to focus only on my breathing for 10-20 minutes.


That's good. Now, technique aside (and technique does matter a lot), I'll approach the duration of the practice. You might want to pace yourself in the beginning. When I first started, I used techniques that were based on MBSR, such as 3 minutes mindfulness of breath every hour or every time I felt anxious plus 5-10 minutes formal sit every day.


You can add those 3 minutes mindfulness of breath to your formal sit of 10-20 minutes, and, perhaps, add another formal sit at night.


You might also increase your formal sit duration every week or every other week in 3-5 minutes increases. Meditation is like bodybuilding, and you have to keep training and pushing your brain a little further in order to actually rewire your brain.


> they said that they do open eye meditation in order to "form a better connection to the world" or something like that.


Yeah, I don't think that's such a great idea. Sure, there are many types of meditation. However, if you're going to direct attention to your breath (anapanasati), it will be helpful to eliminate unnecessary external stimuli - especially in the beginning of the practice. I sit in a semi dark room to meditate.


> They also said to focus on exhaling.


You should focus on the sensations of your breath as much as you can and increase the vividness and details of sensations progressively over the months. Exhaling is actually a bit harder because of the warm air. Try focusing on inhaling, exhaling and, perhaps later, on the pause between the two.


> I was a little disappointed to hear that their opinion is that meditation helps people accept who they are, rather than actually change them a lot.


I actually think it can do both. You don't get tangled in unnecessary mental drama anymore, and you can see more clearly what you need to change. I all depends on what you want to cultivate in your mind after a certain point.


> I really (selfishly) want to focus on self improvement - to really improve my concentration and decision making, NOT accept the way I am now, improve society or join a community.


Oh, boy. I'll just leave a link to Absolutus' archived AMAs. To call it over the top would be a massive understatement. However, you may like it.

• https://www.reddit.com/r/Meditation/comments/66u7f7/absolutus_ama_archived_posts/
  
  
  Maybe, you'll also be interested in this book, which is not on meditation. However, I believe it may help with goals, values, problem solving etc. It's worth noting that it is based on ACT (a type of cognitive behavioral therapy that uses mindfulness as well):
  
  
  
• https://www.amazon.com/Build-Your-Resilience-Survive-Situation/dp/1444168711
  
  
  > How should I learn?
  
  
  I like "The Mind Illuminated" model the best. Another commenter has already suggested it. It's a great book, and it will give you comprehensive guidance throughout your progress. It also has too much information, and it may be necessary to talk to someone about your doubts concerning the practice. In that sense, you might benefit from the really great community based on the book: /r/TheMindIlluminated/
  
  
  You might also want to check out the program on stream entry. I think that at some point, you should try metta meditation. I sense you'll hate the idea of doing loving-kindness meditation, but you'll see that it will make your progress much faster. Check it out:
  
  
• https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/wiki/beginners-guide
  
• https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/wiki/breath-practice-basics
  
• https://www.reddit.com/r/streamentry/wiki/twim-crash-course
  
  
  They've also linked "With each and every breath" free book, which is a great book on mindfulness of breath:
  
  
  
• https://www.dhammatalks.org/ebook_index.html#eachandeverybreath
  
  
  > What is the best technique specifically to improve cognition?
  
  
  After having seen many accounts, it seems to me that people who join attention/concentration (samatha) and awareness/insight (vipassana) practices get the most cognitive benefits. That is actually the TMI model, and it seems to be Absolutus' as well. However, it seems to me that people start getting the real big benefits after reaching 1st jhana, around stage 7 of TMI.
  
  With all that said, I urge you not to quit on meditation. I think that you'll have to fix your technique (actually fixing the technique is an ongoing process for everyone), and keep on practicing. There are studies that show brain changes after 8 weeks of meditation (MBSR). However, it is not an overnight change, and, if you stop, you'll lose your gains. There's no free lunch, and you get what you have invested in meditation.
  
  
  Also, you'll have to quit things that might hold back your practice, such as: masturbation, drugs, bad sleep habits, internet addiction etc. It will make a big difference in your practice.
  
  
  Hope that helps. Good luck!

http://www.amazon.com/Practicing-Power-Now-Essential-Meditations/dp/1577311957/

Watch this video. To reiterate PowerBroFist's point, if you can't be happy by yourself, you can't be happy with her. You must deal with your depression, my friend. Know that you aren't alone in that battle. Many people, myself included, battle depression daily. Believe it is a battle that you can win. And I don't mean to peddle pop psychology but reading The Power of Now helped me. Everyone is different but you may give it a shot. Good luck to you.

The Shadow Of The Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafon and The Curious Incident Of The Dog In The Nighttime by Mark Haddon. You're welcome... about Shadow.. It's mystery someones burning copies of a book and the kid in the bookstore tries to figure out who's behind it. It's soooo goooood. For the other request maybe Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill and Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki

Depends on how old you are.

• Middle school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but I don't think I can read those books now (29) without cringing a little bit. Especially, Getting Things Done because I already know how to make to do list, but I still flip through all 3 books occastionally.
  
  
• High school: I really enjoyed this, this, and this, but if you're a well adjusted human and responsible adult, then I don't think you'll find a lot of helpful advice from these 6 books so far because it'll be pretty basic information.
  
  
• College: I really enjoyed this, this, and started doing Malcolm Gladwell books. The checklist book helped me get more organized and So Good They Can't Ignore You was helpful starting my career path.
  
• Graduate School: I really enjoyed this, this, and this. I already stopped with most "self help" books and reading more about how to manage my money or books that looked interesting like Stiff.
  
  
• Currently: I'm working on this, this, and this. Now I'm reading mostly for fun, but all three of these books are way out of my league and I have no idea what their talking about, but they're areas of my interest. History and AI.

I know I wrote this before, but I want to drive this point in: Read the book The Richest Man in Babylon. The take away from this book is how to have a broader mind on stressful financial situations and techniques on very common problems.

But on the stressful worries of absolution, you should read both Rich Dad, Poor Dad and Think and Grow Rich. These go more into the emotional intelligence of financial woes as well as some techniques on dealing. Be careful of book 3 though. It's very strong and has dark advice also.

You've contrived an absolutist situation that for some reason you believe to be true. I can't convince you out of this, even though the truth of the matter is that there are situations that have leeway. Rent is one of them. The 2nd and 3rd books go into detail about this.

I feel that you've mentally trapped yourself in a set of "what ifs." These are self worries that disable us. The 1st book explains this well. The 2nd just drives is why, and the 3rd is more what you should do while doing that.

Simply put, you're creating rules to restrict yourself. I get everyone wants to have a high standard on stuff, but those ideals of fronting detract from actual progress.

That way of thinking has been shown to be a fallacy.

I highly recommend this book.
My recommendation might not mean a lot to you, but trust me, I’ve heard it HIGHLY recommended by some VERY wealthy and successful people. Many of whom were not born with the resources to get where they are now.

cracks knuckles

Here's my top /insert quantity here/. I read these all regularly (most once a year, some of the smaller ones, once a quarter), and listen to them during my commute more than is perhaps strictly healthy (might as well make good use of the time.)

• The Richest Man In Babylon by George S. Classon (Great book about money management, but also very useful inspiration for digging yourself out of a hole. The audiobook is particularly well read.) "Die in the desert? NOT I!"
  
• Think And Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. The title is a little bit misleading and the language, being almost 100 years old, is a little hokey. But don't let that stop you. Every self-help/success/motivational book written since this contains a small fragment of the information that's in here.
  
• As A Man Thinketh by James Allen. This is a tiny little book. But it's absolutely impeccable. It would be easier to call it a work of philosophy than anything else. But it distills everything down so very well that it can't be ignored. The unabridged audio version (from Brilliance Audio) is exceptional, and only about an hour long. I just re-listened to this on my way home today.
  
• Success Through A Positive Mental Attitude also by Napoleon Hill with W. Clement Stone I came across this before I read Think And Grow Rich, so maybe I have a soft spot for it. But it's one of the few that I read pretty frequently.
  
• Shut Up, Stop Whining, and Get A Life by Larry Winget. Larry's awesome. He's written a lot of books and they all say more or less the same thing, so I couldn't really recommend more than one of them, though I think I've read 6 or 7. He doesn't pull punches and he doesn't coddle.
  
• Do The Work by Steven Pressfield. This one is relatively new to me. I just finished it yesterday. It's a great little work about Resistance; the things that get in our way when we set out on a project, big or small. He talks in a pretty practical way about the phases of bringing an idea to life and the setbacks that seem strangely common to most endeavors. His writing is a little unrefined an colloquial. But I found it refreshing. I highly recommend it.
  
• How To Read A Person Like A Book by Gerald Nierenberg Since you mentioned body language specifically, this is my favorite. It's been a long time since I've read it. But it was extremely enlightening.
  
  That ought to do it. It's really all there. Plus, if you start searching around through that kind of stuff, you'll undoubtedly find more that you're drawn to for one reason or another.
  
  There are a couple well known names that are intentionally absent. Tony Robbins, for one. Tony is keen to blow sunshine up your ass so that you buy his next book, bigger program, seminar, etc. If that's the kind of thing you need, read The Giant Within. I can't stand his stuff. I find it patronizing and egomaniacal.
  
  AMA. I've read hundreds of these things.
  
  Enjoy o/
  

Honestly, it is old school and has a title that makes it sound shallow and superficial but Think and Grow Rich is one of the best books I've read. It does not talk about specific business strategies (or secret recipes for success) but instead goes into details on the lives of some of the early business leaders of the US.

The fact that I'm seeing this today is crazy; Amazon had recommended me a book a month and a half ago called: "What Doesn't Kill Us," really great read from another journalist named Scott Carney, he had followed Wim Wof and trained with him. I just finished it last night, a great read if you think this type of stuff is interesting.

https://www.amazon.com/What-Doesnt-Kill-Environmental-Conditioning/dp/1623366909/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1500402291&sr=8-1&keywords=what+doesnt+kill+us

Don't listen to what Wim says. Listen to what he does, and try it yourself. You can learn the essentials from any of the hundreds of youtube videos out there.

I've tried it and there's no question that it affects the body. Can it cure inflammatory diseases? I don't know. That's what I'm on tnf-alpha inhibitors for anyway. But there's a ton of people reporting that they have gotten better with his breathing excersises and cold exposure. Can it be placebo? Sure, placebo is as strong as 25%. Is it only placebo for everyone? No. People apply his lifestyle to an otherwise hopeless and miserable life and get better. Will this work for everyone to treat everything? Of course not. Does it completely lack merit? No.

If you're at all interested in these things I suggest the book What Doesn’t Kill Us: How Freezing Water, Extreme Altitude and Environmental Conditioning Will Renew Our Lost Evolutionary Strength by Scott Carney. Although Wim's training takes a big part of the book he's more articulate than Wim and there are many other methods and people interviewed that also uses extreme methods to gain an edge.

During my first weeks with the CST I researched on the cold effects on the body and found a lot of info on this dutch guy.
With breathing exercises and cold exposure he can regulate his body temperature and produce even some sort of enhancement of his inmune system.

He climbed mount Everest and the Kilimanjaro(with some of his students) just wearing shorts.

You should check out Scott Carney's book. A really good read if you are into cold.

Keep up the good work Joel!
Thanks!!

You are probably in great shape and have active brown fat deposits for thermogenesis and fat burning. Ever heard of Wim Hof?

I haven't read it, but I've heard good things about The Five Second Rule. The thesis is that it takes just 5 seconds to take action in your life, which can drastically change your life.



Clearly, I'm still struggling with this since I haven't read the book yet.

Try reading the 5 Second Rule Book
https://www.amazon.com/Second-Rule-Transform-Confidence-Everyday/dp/1682612384

This should help : https://www.amazon.com/Second-Rule-Transform-Confidence-Everyday/dp/1682612384

Would it be possible for you to get your hands on this book and follow it?

https://www.amazon.com/Second-Rule-Transform-Confidence-Everyday/dp/1682612384

Also do you have access to a doctor who could refer you to a therapist? They can give you tools / techniques to cope with the anxiety and overcome negative thoughts and indecision.

The 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins. Specifically, the audiobook. The author reads it herself and she's hilarious. It's also not too long - pretty much gets right to the point.

https://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Drinking-Now-Allen-Carr/dp/1784045411/ref=pd_sim_14_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=F76RNHWYH5PKQASDZE96

Welcome to SD, u/beefine. Hang in there, starting out can be hard, but the rewards are great. I found in the first days that I was really helped by filling some free hours with Allen Carr's book on how/why to stop drinking. Here's the link--available in a pretty cheap kindle edition for reading on the go. Hang in there!

Saw your post on nottheonion but couldn't comment for some reason. I wanted to send you this:

/r/stopdrinking

https://www.amazon.com/Allen-Carrs-Drinking-Without-Willpower/dp/1784045411/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=drinking+book+carr&qid=1554948065&s=gateway&sr=8-1

Smoke weed instead.

And if you can manage it, go on a camping trip for a few days, away from alcohol, where you can reacquaint yourself with what life feels like. I've been there. When I realized how good it feels to wake up with a clear head and could enjoy mornings again, that was probably the single greatest factor in helping me get out of that cycle.

I’ve found [the ebook on Amazon](The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Small Businesses Don't Work and What to Do About It https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000RO9VJK/) for those who would be also interested.

Thanks for your recommendation!

Sorry for the long post. Take it for what it's worth, this is just one person's experience 15 years in:

$50-$70k is certainly possible if you know what you're doing.

However, if you're going to freelance, you're going to be up against those bargain-basement Fiverr guys until you can grow your skill set and command a premium.

Honestly, I don't see "website development" as a growing field. The low end is a race to the bottom. You're never going to make real money chasing local businesses such as pizza shops, hair salons, etc...

The Mom & Pop's and Small Businesses can't pay, so they DIY with WIX or WordPress, or go to Fiverr or Freelancer.com. The ones that actually seek out a developer are not worth your time or your effort, and they want everything for nothing.

Mid-size business don't want to pay because they think they should be able to get everything at Fiverr/Freelancer prices.

They want to know why you want $10k to do what someone else offered to do for $1k. It's a bitch (and often a complete waste of time) to educate them on why they're paying more and what it means for their bottom line.

When the above people eventually have trouble, well, that's been my bread and butter for the past 3 years. I get a lot of word of mouth work as a "fixer" of sorts. The rest of my income has been internal web application development for smaller companies (things like client portals, data collection, inventory, etc...), but those jobs are a bit more rare.

My favorite example (which is a little worse than my typical client): "My developer no longer has time to maintain my site, and things are broken everywhere. My SEO has tanked and I'm losing more money in sales every month.

This site had 76 active WordPress plugins (and some were most definitely duplicate functionality) on top of a do-it-all theme AND Visual Composer (yes both). This site was assembled by an "agency".

So, yeah, this is what you're up against. Ruthless, sometimes unscrupulous people who will tell the client everything they think the client wants to hear, and then desert the client when things eventually fall apart.

This isn't a rare thing. Like I said, it's been my bread and butter for a while now and I hear the same stories from colleagues.

Anyway: to give you an idea where I'm at: I have 15 years experience in web development and graphic design. I have a design education through High School and Vocational School. I also have an MCSA (which provides me with a ton of relevant knowledge).

I have enough experience and education to provide meaningful data and solutions with clear explanations. I don't make a move without a reason, and it shows in my proposals.

That's freelance Web Development in 2019.

My advice: If you find that your passions can lie in one of the paths at the following link, become a rockstar on that path.

This link provides a great overview of what is required to become a developer in 2019: https://github.com/kamranahmedse/developer-roadmap

Start off working for an agency and get some real-world experience, learn as much as you can about things that are peripheral to your chosen path where you can (because the more you know about how your role fits with other roles, the better).

Resist the desire to become a full-stack developer until you have many years under your belt, and the room in your educational bandwidth to take on more learning about things not directly related to your chosen path.

Once you've gotten some real-world experience, then start considering a career freelancing. Keep in mind that freelancing is more than developing and designing.

A lot of your time will be devoted to sales, marketing and accounting, so you'll need to become at least adept at those fields as well.

A couple of great resources for those thinking about freelancing:

The E-Myth Revisited. This should be essential reading for anyone looking to strike out on their own.

Mike Montiero's, Fuck You Pay Me. Should be mandatory watching.

Lots of valuable information at The Futur YouTube channel.

Personally, my plan at this point is to get out of "doing" entirely and move into consulting for larger businesses and startups with money to burn.

There's too much to keep up with. The technology moves so fast that it's impossible to learn everything and keep up with the intricacies of the latest frameworks, techniques, standards, etc... .

The plan/build process consumes too much time and has become too specialized for one person to handle effectively (if they're really trying to turn out quality results and not just slapping sites together).

My plan is to become the planner and let other people do the work.

I always recommend the E-Myth Revisited. I think its critical to the proper mindset of being a business owner, but that's just me.

Work on your branding and messaging first, target a specific audience and make sure that you are somehow different before you go investing a ton of time into marketing something that is bound to be doomed.

​

I recommend you read the books The 22 laws of marketing, Magnetic Marketing, and the e-myth by michael gerber.

​

Yes those are links to amazon, if you don't want to buy it on amazon just go to the dollar store. Get the books and learn marketing. It will help you avoid the guru speak and start building a real business.

Drive by Daniel Pink is also a great book about this topic. It also delves into other aspects of motivation. I really enjoyed the book.

Brain Rules by John Medina is another great book. I love the brain!

I know this is going to sound like an odd suggestion, but I just finished an amazing book called "The Obstacle is the Way" by Ryan Holiday. The byline is "The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumphs". It has lots of historical examples of people who have overcome adversity and how to have the attitude to accomplish your goals.

Your situation does not sound like much fun, but it will get better.

You can get a hard copy or if you have the kindle app on your phone you can read it there.

http://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph-ebook/dp/B00G3L1B8K

Edit: If you cannot afford it I would be happy too buy you a copy. PM me with your contact info.

I can recommend a few books that although really have nothing to do with divorce, will set you on a proper path.

1. 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos
   
2. The PMA Effect
   
   Here's a great clip from a Jocko Willink podcast that TRULY got me through it.
   
   Be thankful you don't have kids. You're 33 Years Young. Dude, you got this!
   
   Go forth and be your best self.

You might find an interesting and useful perspective in the book The Obstacle is the Way. It's a layman's introduction into Stoicism.

Also would highly recomend 12 rules for life by Dr. Peterson, I just went through a bunch of shit in my life from every direction and Ch.12 would help you a lot. I always recommend audiobooks too you can get 30 days and this audiobook free trial if you don't have an audible account already

https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/B0797Y87JC

Words like "enjoyable", "fun", "cool", "entertaining", "worthwhile", etc. are extremely problematic because there are no definitions. They are inherently subjective. That's why we use them.

Personally, I love filmmaking. I love conceptualizing films, I love planning films, I love preparing for films, I love being on set, I love building my camera package, I love seeing a scene's lighting slowly take shape, I love the organization and logistics required to run a set, I love managing my files, I love planning out how to approach editing, I love creating variations on edits to test emotional hypotheses, and I love feeling the energy of a room when I screen one of my films.

But I know lots of amazing filmmakers who do not even enjoy, let alone love, many of those aspects. And that's totally fine.

There are many people who love filmmaking but who hate working on my sets because of how much preplanning and clear intent I demand. They just want something else out of the process. Again, that's totally fine.

The point is, "enjoy" is not a deep enough analysis. You all may want to "make a film" but for a myriad of different reasons. Being a director means being a leader, and understanding the needs and wants of your cast and crew. It's the only way to achieve the cohesiveness required for a high-performing team.

You may want to check out Drive by Daniel Pink, or feel free to DM me and we can get on Skype/Hangouts and talk about it.

I understand how you feel – I've been going back and forth between paper and digital for a long time. I love the feeling of paper planners, but it's a bit iffy to change dates etc., and that one day when you forget your planner you wish you had a digital one in your phone.

I've settled for two great apps which I enjoy to use and help me greatly with planning. The calendar app is Timepage. The second app is OmniFocus, which adheres to the Getting Things Done mentality.

Both apps are for iOS, not sure what's out there for android.

Empirical data disagrees.

source: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004P1JDJO/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1

Yupp, they do.

https://www.amazon.com/Obstacle-Way-Timeless-Turning-Triumph-ebook/dp/B00G3L1B8K/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1469326928&sr=8-1


https://www.amazon.com/Calm-Cool-Collected-Demolish-Anxiety-ebook/dp/B015LF7KJC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1469326934&sr=8-1&keywords=calm+cool+collected



https://www.amazon.com/50th-Law-Robert-Greene-Collection-ebook/dp/B002RI9ZQI/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1469326919&sr=8-1

Doesn't look like it is in Kindle Unlimited, but I got a lot out of Getting Things Done
https://smile.amazon.com/Getting-Things-Done-Stress-Free-Productivity-ebook/dp/B00KWG9M2E/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1543589702&sr=8-3&keywords=getting+things+done

> And not to forget things

I hope you're not trying to keep it all in your head. Your head asplode. In the absence of external issue tracking, I'd likely roll all the issues (or at least the ones I've spotted) into my personal time management system so they don't get lost. If it's not written down somewhere, I will forget it. (I don't know where you are with WRT time management; for myself, I'm in the middle of trying personal Kanban against my current GTD setup, but if you're new to TM, Limoncelli's book is a good place to start.) But all that is just a temporary fix.

> because no issue tracking exists her and some people actually vocally despise and reject this idea.

The "why" here would be as interesting as the "who." If it's fellow IT teammates, I'd find out if it's opposition to performance metrics. I've long resisted using ticket metrics to judge personal performance because they're crap for that even when people aren't gaming the metrics, so you might need to get assurances that your management won't try to do that. If it's your users, perhaps they've had problems with tickets falling into a black hole never to be seen again, in which case you have some organizational issues to sort out and some trust to rebuild.

In any case, it sounds like you know the value of an issue tracking system. Hold onto that in case it takes a while to get everyone to come around on the idea.

You are loved, cared, about and wanted beyond what you believe. Speaking as a veteran, Your discharge doesn't matter to me. You are a human first, and you deserve to be helped. If it was up to me, the Va can shove it. That being said; It can still be a cruel place for both veterans that get out honorably, and civilians in general who need help but can't afford it., and I'm saying this because I can relate to your struggles as I wasn't able to go to therapy for months when I was going through it. But I just want to say this....It get's better. It always gets better! No matter what you believe, in or how you feel now. The present you isn't the future you, and all though the present you doesn't have the answers the future you does. So don't get caught up in the lies your mind is telling you now. They are all lies, none of it is true. You have a future, you are loved, and you can find happiness again. Don't compare yourself to others either! This is a journey. Your Journey, but some people never get past the first part of it because they don't reach out for help. But reading this post I can see that you want it. So I'm going to tell you everything I did, and I pray that you do the same. Keep in mind, I was at the bottom of the bottom, I was 4,000$ in debt, no job, and living with my parents. So there's no excuse for you to say that I was gifted. Because hope was all I ever had to begin with. I tried something, and guess what I don't consider myself depressed, anxious, or anything anymore. I found PEACE. So listen to me EVEN if it sounds stupid, even if it sounds ridiculous, even if it seems pointless. Please if you would rather, grow than be destroyed when confronted by evil. Start doing some of these things, and I promise you, you'll find what I did. Inner peace, and a gifted outlook of the world.

1. Take adult vitamins, and magnesium. (40% of people with mental disorders, lack magnesium.)
   
2. Work out (This increases dopamine described as runners higher.)
   
3. Write about how you feel. (This is another form of introspective thinking, which is basically You studying how you truly feel because of something you said, wrote, or thought about causing you to find the root of your problem.
   
4. Introspective thinking. (Question why you see the world the way you do. Do you think the world is evil, or are the things that you are thinking as evil now as the evil thing?)
   
5. Educate yourself on psychology. (Don't have a therapist be your own therapist.)
   
6. Change your diet. (Increase fiber, and add more vitamins to it.)
   
7. Go to church! (This no joke saved my life. It opened my door to a community that loved me for who I am, and it can give you a higher purpose.)
   
8. Direction, and gas to take us there. Don't have an answer? Make God your direction, and his love for you, you're gas.) (I mean it. Look at it from a psychology perspective. When we don't have Direction, and gas to get there we find ourselves suffering because we are stagnating in our car in the middle of nowhere. We have no higher purpose or plan that gets us nowhere.)
   
9. Have you ever heard of r/NoFap? Give it a try.
   
10. NEVER STOP TRYING NEW THINGS TO GET OUT OF THIS.
    
11. Talk to a family member.
    
12. Meditate (Even if it's for 5 minutes.)
    
13. Know that meds, therapists, and a solution exists. So you have hope ITS THERE. Go to these things, and if you use them can get out of it I promise.
    
14. Wash your teeth, and clean your room whenever you can.
    
15. Separate your mind from who you are. Our mind can go haywire, and 9/10 we listen to it. BUT BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THIS. The reason why it does is that we let it get oversaturated with all the wrong things. To replace the bad things with the good things, challenge those thoughts. If it's negative; Say something positive. don't just stand there and take it. DEFY what you think is wrong, and stand up for yourself. YOU your soul deserves it because it's there.
    
16. Learn to love yourself.
    
17. GET A SLEEP CYCLE. A healthy one that gives you 8 hours of sleep.
    
18. give yourself grace.
    
19. Drink green tea.
    
    ​
    
    Here are some videos right now you can examine.
    
    https://youtu.be/Xm_2zmX6Akc
    
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3rhPa7h4ro&t=1257s
    
    https://youtu.be/4OmC6LyO5QI
    
    ​
    
    Books:
    
    https://www.amazon.com/Mindwise-Misunderstand-Others-Think-Believe/dp/1491544325
    
    https://www.amazon.com/12-Rules-Life-Antidote-Chaos/dp/B0797Y87JC/ref=sr_1_1?crid=2CJEEHYRE681V&keywords=12+rules+for+life+by+jordan+peterson&qid=1573031274&s=books&sprefix=12+rules%2Cstripbooks%2C189&sr=1-1
    
    ​
    
    Challenge your thoughts. Challenge your beliefs. Look at things for what they really are, and not how they make you feel. There is no place you can go were you can't go back from again. Because if you examine it truly. You'll see that it really isn't all that bad. All you have to do is do this or do that. Nothing is unfixable.
    
    ​
    
    Here's a song I want you to listen to. The reality is that life is beautiful, and it's worth living. We just need to find the reason why beyond our perception because perception isn't forever. It can be changed like a pair of glasses. We just need to give the time it deserves.
    
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e934LuQlAeg
    
    I'll pray for you, things will get better. I'm proof.
    
    https://paste.ubuntu.com/p/FcBm4twGgR/
    
    (Notes to my therapist.) (Look at how recent this was.)

For a quick and dirty guide, you can try Bill Phillips' Body for Life. It has illustrations and descriptions for some very basic exercises, and what I like about it is that it explains what muscle groups you are targeting and why, and recommends plans for each day of the week. There are also diet recommendations, but you should eat more vegetables than they suggest. And don't buy his rotten shakes, they are gross.

I did the twelve weeks, and the transformation was indeed dramatic.

Edit: It was pretty popular, so you can probably find it at thrift stores or used book stores.

Probably like, The Last Lecture or something...

You may wake up with no anxiety and feeling normal for once after a late night of drinking, but does that feeling persist? No, of course not...it goes away some time after the alcohol wears off. So that would mean the only way to consistently have that great feeling if the only remedy is alcohol is to drink it ALL THE TIME. But you know that is not possible, that you would not be able to function in society and your body would literally shut down. If you find this to be true, how could it be the alcohol that is giving you those powers of feeling normal and anxiety free? In truth, could it be that alcohol is the original cause of those feelings in the first place, and once under its grasp the only way to find relief from those feelings is more alcohol?

"[alcohol] offers itself as a relief from the very problems it causes." --DFW

If this concept is intriguing to you, give Allen Carr and Annie Grace a read. They both do an excellent job of unwinding the myths that society has propagated about alcohol, including how it can feel impossible to enjoy life without it.

It might be less of "you need a job" and more of "know your place".

At one point, I said, "You know what. Maybe, I am lazy. I will get the hardest job I can find." Parents told me an uncle would make $30/hour at his factory job. I made $8/hour. I make more in retail and I do less work.

You don't need a job. (Jobs are quite a modern concept.) However, you still do need stuff, e.g. food, water, shelter. Your results may vary if you don't have the usual ethics, such as not stealing. I chose to work, because I would like to remain friendly with and included in society. Society gives a lot of benefits, such as protection and easy access to resources.

Instead of being reactive, be proactive. What do you want to do? Humans don't need much to survive.

Maybe, professional gamer. Or, you could go bottom of the barrel (Possum Living).

I am a huge Tim Ferris fan he has two really good books about general business not specifically automation (I have never seen specific to industrial Automation.

​

https://www.amazon.com/Tools-Titans-Billionaires-World-Class-Performers/dp/1328683788

​

https://www.amazon.com/4-Hour-Workweek-Escape-Live-Anywhere/dp/0307465357

'I will be single for a long time'.

With that mindset, you absolutely will be.

​

Spend this month changing your mind. You could start here:

https://thelifecoachschool.com/category/podcasts/

or here:

https://www.amazon.com/Breaking-Habit-Being-Yourself-Create/dp/1401938094

​

You are so lucky to be a human, alive on this earth. And you have an internet connection!

Good luck!