Top products from r/seduction

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u/M_Knight1 · 4 pointsr/seduction

Yeah the majority of PUA material out there is contradictory and is missing the underlying principles which explains why and when certain methods and techniques will be successful or applicable. Normally people become successful from PUA material, not because the material was necessarily good advice, but simply because they derived confidence from having it and believing in it, took action, and women were attracted to that confidence. This was the actual secret behind anyone who became successful from reading "The Game," myself included.

Its often not what the words you say, or the actions you take, but the intent behind them. For example, let's break down giving compliments by citing another passage from the above book:

"Do not buy drinks, give insincere compliments, or perform actions whose sole purpose is to make a woman like you. Doing any of these things is the equivalent of trying to buy a woman’s affection. It also creates a feeling of indebtedness. No one wants to feel indebted, especially to someone that they don’t know. While the transaction of material possessions is clearly apparent, we often barter on a more subtle level through the giving of verbal compliments and affirmations.

Do not simply tell a girl what you think she wants to hear. Firstly, she knows when you are doing so. And secondly, she will respect you more for having your own opinions. There is nothing wrong with disagreeing on a subject. A woman will enjoy speaking to someone who challenges her, and is not simply agreeing with her in an attempt to win her over. Let there be some natural tension from controversy, which can generate emotions and make the conversation more interesting. When a woman knows that you are only trying to say what you think she wants to hear, she will lose respect and trust in you. When you speak your mind freely to a woman, she will be attracted by your honesty. She will feel that she can trust and use what you say to accurately discover who you are as a person.

Women know that guys of actual value do not need to try hard. Showering a girl with unsolicited and undeserved compliments, favors and gifts makes it look like you are overcompensating for something else. It shows that you feel that you must provide incentives for a woman to be interested in you. This comes from a deep-seeded belief that you are not good enough as you are. A high quality man does not need to buy a woman’s attention or affection, as he knows that he himself is enough.

Reflect deep inside and ask yourself: “From where is this action derived?” Does it come from a place of true altruism and a desire to provide value? Or are you actually bartering for something in return, such as a positive emotional response? Are your words sincere, or are you just telling someone what you think will make them happy?"

-Fundamentals of Female Dynamics

u/[deleted] · 28 pointsr/seduction

I am obsessed. Here is my current collection:

Most of these you can find on thepiratebay / etc, but I own a hard copy of all of these except for The Mystery Method, which I read probably 5 times before I found Magic Bullets (actually don't own that either, just the pdf). I'll add to this list if I think of more.

Must Reads:

Magic Bullets - Savoy ==>> [Torrent] it's expensive!

  • This book is so excellent. It's like a PUA encyclopedia. It walks you through the process, and cites every major text along the way.. none of this "my way works best" crap, but not afraid to make judgments either. For pickup books that employ some form of the M3 Model (however loosely.. which I think means: everyone except Ross Jeffries), this is the authoritative text. If you have an approach that is proven, important, and credible, then it is probably cited in this book.

    Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - Robert Cialdini

  • I got this book because it is #1 on this list. Turns out, it is the modern version of Dale Carnegie's How To Win Friends and Influence People (see review below).. only this time, it's by someone who knows a thing or two about applied psychology (which either didn't exist back then, or was too under-developed to matter). This guy freaking went undercover as a used car salesman, working with fundraisers, etc. Interestingly enough, I bought this book in the same order as The Game, and in chapter 1 Strauss mentions reading Cialdini's book to prepare for a trip to Belgrade with Mystery, which was his formal introduction into the PUA community.

    The Art of Seduction - Robert Greene

  • I'm not done with this one yet, but I will say this: if you have a conscience, don't read this. It really is a fascinating study of seduction, but it does focus on seduction as a tool to victimize people.. That said, unlike your typical pick-up type book which does not bother to categorize gamers' personality types, this book categorizes different "types" of seducers. This is extremely helpful because you can figure out what type of seducer fits you best, and what things you need to focus on to improve your game.

    How to Win Friends & Influence People - Dale Carnegie

  • This book has sold over 15 million copies. It was originally written in 1937, but has been revised once or twice since it became the best selling self-help type book of all time, which it probably still is. He walks you through the basic principles of how to motivate people.. what works, what doesn't.. etc. Fun, easy, captivating read. It looks thick, but I think I unintentionally read it cover to cover in one sitting the first time I read it in college.. so it's a quick read.


    Should reads:

    The Game - Neil Strauss

  • I think this is one of the best selling pick-up type books. I liked reading it, but it was less of a tutorial book and more of an autobiography.. it does get the job done though. It also is a very entertaining read, and if you doubt that PUA stuff actually works, this will prove to you otherwise because Strauss was a very timid and ugly mofo, but he fucked Jenna Jameson.

    The Mystery Method : How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed - Mystery, Chris Odom, Neil Strauss

  • This introduced me into the world of PUA my senior year of college when I inadvertently stumbled upon a torrent of it (I was probably looking for something to jerk off to. How poetic). I downloaded it just to skim through it skeptically, but this book eventually introduced me to a whole new world. This is an excellent staple / beginner's text, even though I now recommend Magic Bullets because it is so much more objective and inclusive of alternate styles and approaches along the way.

    How to Get the Women You Desire into Bed - Ross Jeffries

  • Not done with this yet, but Ross Jeffries is a freak (not meant to be insulting to him). I have no doubt that his methods are effective, but they are very different. And he really seems a bit evil, as opposed to merely mischievous like most other PUAs are. I haven't decided how incompatible, if not just different, his methods are with the Mystery / Strauss crowd.. but then again, I have never field tested any of his methods myself.

    Truth in Comedy: The Manual of Improvisation - Charna Halpern, Del Close, Kim Johnson

  • A close friend of mine who studied improv in New York lent me this, and I forgot about it until recently -- but it is a very short but brilliant book about comedy. I'm listening now to David DeAngelo's Cock Comedy series, and I realized that almost everything he's saying is straight out of this little text. It's not really something essential for pick-up, which is why I wouldn't put it in Must Reads, but it is excellent nonetheless.


    Meh, they're alright:

    The Pickup Artist: The New and Improved Art of Seduction - Mystery, Neil Strauss

  • You can definitely get some good stuff out of this book, but the whole thing comes across as an excuse for Mystery to brag about how awesome he is. He seriously spends an entire chapter (maybe more) telling a story about him bragging to other PUAs. He does deserve it though, the man is the single most influential PUA ever, if not the most successful in the field.

    Rules of the Game - Neil Strauss

  • This is one of those books that you read once a day for 30 days, and write down statements of intent right in the book like "it is my goal to lose my virginity before my next birthday in 3 months." Probably good for beginners, but I skimmed through this after having been gaming in the field for several months.

    Haven't read yet:

    What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People - Joe Navarro, Marvin Karlins

  • This looks really good.

    NLP: The New Technology of Achievement - NLP Comprehensive

    Easy Mind-Reading Tricks - Robert Mandelberg, Ferruccio Sardella

    Palm Reading for Beginners: Find Your Future in the Palm of Your Hand (For Beginners (Llewellyn's)) - Richard Webster

    There are also some good videos out there (links are to torrents. these are all several hundred $$):


    Excellent Videos

    The Annihilation Method - Neil Strauss

  • I met a guy who said he was looking around his apartment for things to sell so he could afford the $375 this costs. apparently he didn't think to check thepiratebay ;)

    Mystery and Style

  • The videos of Mystery in here are just excellent. It's very interesting to see Mystery actually interacting with other people (not in a set), since he is the god of pick-up.

    Decent Videos

    Psychic Influence - Ross Jeffries

  • This is interesting.. I'm not much of a Jeffries guy though, mostly because he's the most oddball of the group, and I haven't studied his material enough.
u/Kitt_55 · 2 pointsr/seduction

Honesty has been a staple principle throughout this entire book. When being truly honest, your conduct is fully congruent and consistent; ergo your thoughts, words and actions are continuously aligned. Showing honest intent is synonymous with acting in a man to woman frame. Men who try to hide their interest or are ashamed of their desires are acting dishonestly. By acting like a friend, these men only ever become a woman’s friend. Every time you spend time with a woman that you like and hide your interest, you are actively lying to her. Dishonesty tells a woman that you are either faking who you are in order to hide your inadequacies or are trying to manipulate her into liking you. These behaviors stem from an internal belief that you are not good enough as you are.

Being honest extends well past your interactions with woman and into how you choose to live your life. While it is important to be honest with others, it is also critical that you are honest with yourself. Perhaps by now you have realized that the same core beliefs it takes to be successful with women mirror those needed to be successful in life. All the attractive traits and behaviors mentioned in this book are beneficial to you regardless of your interest in attracting women. Your attractiveness to women comes as a consequence of improving yourself as a man.

You become an attractive man by living a life of authenticity and integrity. You become authentic when you are pursuing your purpose, and living your life in accordance to what you value. Even if you lack what others would define as “success,” you keep your integrity by knowing that you are acting true to yourself. This is the deepest form of honesty. You accept yourself as you are. You do not lie to yourself to protect your ego. You work at becoming who you want to be, not what others have determined as being worthy of praise, love or approval. Fulfillment, confidence and self-respect come from living a life that is in line with your values. When you show how much you value and respect yourself, you gain the admiration of others. Lead a life that you are proud of, and thus a woman who shares your values would be proud to join. - Excerpt from Fundamentals of Female Dynamics

u/79trombones · 18 pointsr/seduction

“Confidently, unapologetically and assertively show your honest intent to a woman while simultaneously remaining outcome independent.”

The above theory clearly defines in one statement why some men are successful with women while others fail. While it may seem simple on the surface, on a deeper level this statement encompasses all the previous principles mentioned thus far. Without a thorough understanding of the previous chapters, this theory can easily be wrongly interpreted and erroneously applied. The theory can be broken down into its two parts: showing honest intent and being outcome independent.

Honesty has been a staple principle throughout this entire book. When being truly honest, your conduct is fully congruent and consistent; ergo your thoughts, words and actions are continuously aligned. Showing honest intent is synonymous with acting in a man to woman frame. Men who try to hide their interest or are ashamed of their desires are acting dishonestly. By acting like a friend, these men only ever become a woman’s friend. Every time you spend time with a woman that you like and hide your interest, you are actively lying to her. Dishonesty tells a woman that you are either faking who you are in order to hide your inadequacies or are trying to manipulate her into liking you. These behaviors stem from an internal belief that you are not good enough as you are.

Being honest extends well past your interactions with woman and into how you choose to live your life. While it is important to be honest with others, it is also critical that you are honest with yourself. Perhaps by now you have realized that the same core beliefs it takes to be successful with women mirror those needed to be successful in life. All the attractive traits and behaviors mentioned in this book are beneficial to you regardless of your interest in attracting women. Your attractiveness to women comes as a consequence of improving yourself as a man. You become an attractive man by living a life of authenticity and integrity. You become authentic when you are pursuing your purpose, and living your life in accordance to what you value. Even if you lack what others would define as “success,” you keep your integrity by knowing that you are acting true to yourself. This is the deepest form of honesty. You accept yourself as you are. You do not lie to yourself to protect your ego. You work at becoming who you want to be, not what others have determined as being worthy of praise, love or approval. Fulfillment, confidence and self-respect come from living a life that is in line with your values. When you show how much you value and respect yourself, you gain the admiration of others. Lead a life that you are proud of, and thus a woman who shares your values would be proud to join.

Being outcome independent means that no matter the response a woman has to your advances, the outcome does not affect how you feel about yourself. By remaining completely secure through temporary “rejections,” you show the highly attractive traits of confidence and lack of neediness. As one pulls themself out of scarcity and into abundance, one naturally becomes more outcome independent.

Outcome independence stems from believing that you are enough as you are. This is the deepest form of abundance. If you are truly content with yourself, then you do not require validation, approval or positive reactions from others. When others sense this, they know that you are not seeking any type of value from them, and that having you in their lives can thus be beneficial. This also puts them at ease by indicating that you will not burden them with being responsible for your emotional state.

Showing honest intent means that you are willing to express to a woman your interest in her. Outcome independence means that you are completely comfortable accepting that a woman may be unreceptive. Persistence often works with an available woman when you act with honest intent and are outcome independent. Women admire persistence when it illustrates the healthy sense of entitlement of a man who is confident of what he wants, but who also does not become emotionally distraught upon not getting it. This fulfills a woman’s wish to feel desired, but not in a needy value seeking sort of way. Any type of persistence which lacks honest intent and outcome independence will instill disinterest, discomfort and even fear in women.

From Book: Fundamentals of Female Dynamics

u/SoWaS · 1 pointr/seduction

First thing. Clean. Make sure your apartment, room, car or what ever is spotless. This is a really important step. It's the first step of taking back control, it's also going to show you a near immediate reward for your actions.

So now that you're sitting in a clean environment, start writing. Let all the negative emotion just spew, don't worry about spelling, grammar or any of that, it's just a purge. Once the rambling and emotion is out, review it and begin building. What are your goals? How are you going to achieve them? Right now your broken. Good! Because now is the perfect time to rebuild. You WILL rebuild your self into the man you were ment to be. What's he like? What does he do? Write about him. Start becoming him.

So now that you have recognized that you are the most important being in your life, treat your self. Buy a new out fit, or a good book, a new camera, what ever you want that can be affordable and positive. I personally bought a new pair of pants that was too small because next...

Gym. Find a good work out program. This new iron temple you should be praying at daily. You gain confidence with new found muscle but more importantly, this will also help you respect your self, by going daily and holding your self to your word.

Lastly, after reading through the comments and learning more about you, I think one of the best books you could read is:http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

2 years ago what I thought was the love of my life ended it. Best thing that has ever happened to me. This book combined with all the emotion I was able to harness and refine myself. Tomorrow I'm going out on a date with a beautiful girl (2 years ago I thought was out of my league) and I'm just excited to have fun. There is no more wondering, does the girl like me? Is he talking to other people? Would she want to be my gf? Instead, I don't care because I still don't know if she is compatible for my new life style. It's an amazing feeling to be the one in control.

Invest in your self and become the man you wanna be. You got this.

u/social_scrying · 1 pointr/seduction

> Does it help to be straight forward (but not too straight forward) that you want sex with someone?

The goal is to want her to feel that you would like to have sex with her, but you dont need to have sex with her.

> How do you compliment a girls looks or physique in a seductive way without being creepy?

Stick with complimenting her style. Complimenting on the things she clearly put effort into doing is much more meaningful than complimenting her on something she was born with and can not control. The key to compliments is having reason why you like what you see, and letting her know that reason. "I like [this] about you because [reason]".

> What do women really think when a guy buys them a drink?

If she likes you, she probably thinks its a means to spend more time doing something together. If she doesn't like you, she probably just wants a free drink.

> Do they like it when you mention that you have a lot of sexual experience?

no.

> Is it easier to seduce women in a loud bumpin' club or a quiet cocktail lounge?

Yes.

> What shows confidence through looks?

If you confident in yourself, you believe everything about you matters. If everything about you matters, everything about how you look matters. If you matter most, how would you look?

> Should money be brought in the situation?

No

> Do girls always go for men with lots of money?

No

> It would be nice to also get some tips on things I haven't asked too.

Judging by these questions, you seem to be a little misguided. Don't fret, that's why this sub is here. Many people in the pickup community started down this road after they read (the now grossly outdated) Neil Strauss' "The game". My personal advice is to start with more foundational inner-game concepts about seduction, and then move on to the more applicable outter-game techniques later. Foundational concepts to pickup are rooted in evolutionary bio/psych. I would recommend reading Mark Manson's Models. Trust me, I wouldn't recommend Models if it wasn't worth the time and money. These concepts could change your entire prospective on how social interactions really work, and sometimes thats all you need.

u/johnny_77 · 1 pointr/seduction

Alright man, I realize that I was lucky in the genetic lottery to have a foundation to work with, but I am in the middle of the scale. I'm definitely not one of those guys who is just beautiful, I gain weight easily if I don't watch what I eat, and I certainly wasn't doing myself any favors by the way I dressed. What I'd say, even if you're at the total end of the scale on the ugly side (which I doubt, everyone's their own harshest critic), but it's possible, is you still have things that are within your control. You can't control your face, but you can control your weight, how you carry yourself, how you conduct yourself, and how you present yourself.

For fitness check this out: https://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/wiki/getting_started
You don't need to join a gym or anything like that either, it can help motivate some people, but for me I wouldn't go because I'd procrastinate just getting there. Now I jump-rope at home and do a variety of pushups/pullups one day and dips/rows the other. I'm hitting my legs/cardio with the jump-rope and my entire upper body between the others, I rarely spend over 30 minutes a day, and I don't leave the house.

How to carry yourself: This is a great Ted Talk on the subject: https://www.ted.com/talks/amy_cuddy_your_body_language_shapes_who_you_are?language=en

Also, taking into consideration how to carry yourself and moving into how to conduct yourself, this book covers both subjects very well, I highly recommend it: https://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X

And as far as presentation goes, you don't need to break the bank, just check out /r/malefashionadvice and get a primer on how to buy clothes that fit well. This is also a great look at how to have a wardrobe that seems varied on the surface, but is actually quite minimal and affordable: http://www.artofmanliness.com/2014/11/21/how-to-build-a-minimal-wardrobe-video/

Also, one thing you can't do on your own is getting a good haircut. Find a barber and spend the extra cash, it's amazing.


Side-note: If you have any physical disabilities or deformities, that's really beyond the challenges I've had to deal with. I'd imagine all my advice is still applicable, but that it would definitely make things much harder, so I'd suggest finding a forum with people who are more experienced when it comes to such things.

u/NickTDS · 11 pointsr/seduction

A lot of neediness stems from a lack of experience. If you haven't made connections with many women, you are likely to feel more desperate. It goes back to scarcity vs abundance mentality. When you haven't had any positive references, it's hard to convince your mind to be unattached (opposite of needy) from the end result.

Here's how to fix that:

Gain experience

When I started going out I just wanted a taste of success, any success. I tried to "win" every interaction and my motives were very outcome driven -- women could feel that. As I went out more and began seeing results, I proved to myself that I could attract beautiful girls. That an awesome woman would love the opportunity to meet me and that I had plenty to offer. It soon became less about "I need to win this" and more about "I want to meet some cool girls and have a fun time." When you're in that mindset, you're giving value and not trying to take it. This makes you a gentleman and far from needy.

Go out more, challenge your comfort zone every single damn day, and you will naturally become more outcome-independent and less clingy.

Prioritizing your needs

Do shit that you enjoy on a regular basis. Start living a life that makes you happy instead of trying to impress others. Say more silly shit to people and stop caring about every word that comes out of your mouth. Don't be afraid to speak your mind and be upfront with your intentions. Have an opinion and don't just be a "yes man" to women.

Honestly, the book that changed my life in that regard is No More Mr. Nice Guy. The first chapter alone blew my mind and transformed a lot of men I know.

--

If you need some more resources this "Nice Guy vs Real Man aka Gentleman diagram" and this article should clear things up. Also, what omokage said is a great mentality to enter any interaction with.

u/BruceAckman · 1 pointr/seduction

This should get you started:

Models by Mark Manson: Main takeaway from Manson's book is to be vulnerable, be honest. There are other recommended books on this page, don't touch those. Vulnerability is good for coworkers, women you're attracted to/seeing, your family. Overall good, practical read.

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey: General self-help. Even if you don't put any of the systems into place, it gives you a sense of betterment. Fake it until you make it is no joke. At least feeling like you're getting more control in one area of your life can benefit all your other areas.

Power Cues by Nick Morgan: A great book to get you started on posture, voice, finding what to improve on. I recommend this book a lot.

Three books are good for now. If you want something in-depth, or more difficult, maybe even a step-by-step, feel free to PM me. The books I suggested will definitely get you on your way to feeling better, presenting yourself more comfortably and confidently, and also gives you ideas on what to practice and improve on.

u/StraightCougar · 11 pointsr/seduction

When you learn martial arts, the instructor doesn't just tell you to go in and fight! He teaches you technique. Game is exactly the same, yes practice is great, but if you don't even know the basics, get your head in the books, get a coach, or however you wanna learn. Credit to Arash for the analogy.

Recommended reading

Women Ignition by 60YearsOfChallenge (intermediate-master) <--- This dude was my mentor and I am a beast for that, much love to ya 60!

Anything by RSD/Real Social Dynamics ( Beginner-Master)

Mystery Method (Beginner)

The Game (SUPER beginner)

The Ultimate Guide to Text and Phone Game By Nick Savoy/Braddock (Looks cheesy but it really is a great book)

Recommended websites

mASF (general advice beginner-master)

Casanovacrew (L.A/Vegas lairs/meetings)

RSD (Great coaches/solid game beginner-master)

Recommended Puas to follow
Manwhore (sexual escalation/love this bro/he's not a douche, comes off that way.... nice guy)

Psych/Dj Fuji (VERY structured game)

Mystery/Neil Strauss/Matador (Mystery Method, the torch carriers of game)

Tyler Durden/Jeffy/Brad P (RSD, some of the biggest names, very good)

Bravo (online game/really great guy/highly recommend him)

Arash ( This dudes inner game is on point. I have one of his speeches saved, I'll upload if you want it Seddit) <--- Really nice dude, nothing like I thought he was gonna be

Hypnotica (Inner game master, talked to this dude once, I felt and still feel amazing)

Get to reading!
Edit:Updated shit.

u/NolFito · 13 pointsr/seduction

First it would be important to understand why the hands are in the pockets. It is largely habit, but it is also significantly contributed by subconsciously wanting to appear smaller and less visible due to lack of confidence or the presence of insecurities.

Confident people take more room. Wherever the hands are is the right place for them to be. The problem comes when you are second guessing yourself and paying more attention to your hands than the other person. Those insecurities, tension, and over-attention to the hands and arms is noticed by the other party and looks awkward. I find that standing with my feet in line makes me feel more awkward with dangling hand syndrome. A less symmetrical posture like Michelangelo's David makes the fall of the hands more natural and fluid. Something that works very well with this stance is flexing your ankle so your toes are elevated while the hill makes contact with the floor. This gravity defying behavior conveys happiness, confidence, and makes you more approachable.

Beware of holding things like a cup of coffee or a folder. Although it feels nice to have something to do with the hand, it subconsciously is essentially saying that you need to put a barrier between you and the other person. This is a very subtle thing but you may have noticed a girl putting her handbag over her lap, or someone crossing their hands on an interview, both are subconscious behaviors about putting a barrier between you and a "threat".

If you really feel like having your hands in your pockets, try to limit it to only one hand, and even then make sure the thumb is on the outside as it conveys confidence.

Sources: personal experience, What every body is saying

u/blahm3 · 1 pointr/seduction

You need to do some inner reflection and figure out what really makes you happy. If you can not be happy without a girl getting a girlfriend is not going to make you happier.

When was the time in your life when you were happiest? What are your happiest memories? What were you doing? Who was in your life? What season was it? What was it about those memories or experiences that made you happy? Figure out your pattern.

You might need to just make a wild crazy bucket list of things to do in your life. They don't even have to be immediately attainable. What on this bucket list really attracts you? Why does it excite it? Is it adrenaline pumping? Is it a relaxing and beautiful? Is it adventurous? Figure out your pattern.

Do things alone without any friends at all. Learn to be comfortable and happy by yourself without just video games killing your time.

Go on meetup and make new friends. I ditched a lot of old friends not because there was anything wrong with them but because they were not models of who I wanted to be or be around.

Break your patterns. There is probably nothing wrong with what you are doing now but it clearly is not making you happy. Start doing something else.

I would highly recommend reading No More Mr. Nice Guy

Now before you think but I am not a nice guy, or I want to be a nice guy not a douche or whatever. This book is about learning to lead your own life and to stop living for someone else. Once your learn to live for yourself you will find that you are a much more fulfilled and happy person.

u/MK2718 · 318 pointsr/seduction

Most young males operating in a scarcity mindset catch the disease Oneitis at some point in their young adult lives. If not promptly caught and cured, Oneitis can take years away from one’s life. You can pour all your time and energy into a lost cause instead of using it to improve yourself. Having suffered myself from a very dire case of the disease, I am accustomed to the symptoms. The symptoms of Oneitis can include:

  • Spending an abnormal amount of time thinking and obsessing over one girl.
  • Believing that one girl is completely different from every other girl that you have ever met.
  • Believing that one girl is the most beautiful girl in the world.
  • Believing that there is no other girl for you but her.
  • Believing that no one else could ever match the love that you have for a girl.
  • Believing that a girl is absolutely perfect and could do no wrong in your eyes.
  • Putting a girl before everything else in your life.

    An additional symptom would include not seeing anything wrong with holding the above beliefs. You may believe that if a girl only truly knew how much you cared about her, that she would love you in return. However, this is not the way attraction or love actually works. When you truly love a person, you do not need anything from them in return. Arriving at this realization took me years and was the most painful lesson that I have ever had to learn. There is no such thing as “the one,” but only people who are more or less compatible together. Love is something you build, not something you find.

    While I have no doubt that the feelings which you have are genuine, these feelings originate from a place of scarcity and fear. You may mistake the burning desire you have for a woman as the being the truest form of love. Fear resulting from scarcity infiltrates the heart and amplifies certain emotions to an unhealthy level. If this is the first time that you have ever felt this way, then you may be terrified of losing the woman for whom you feel these feelings. You may fear that you may never again feel this same way about anyone else. The truth is that you may be right. However, this is not due to you having lost out on the love of your life, but to the fact that you no longer live in scarcity. Once the scarcity mindset is removed, you can find someone with whom you can have a relationship with that is built on positive emotions, instead of the hidden underlying emotions of loneliness and fear.

    Now looking back, having my heart broken was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. Had a need based relationship instead ensued, I would have never become the person I am today. I would have unknowingly submitted to comfort and security rather than venturing out into the world to learn its truths for myself. I would have remained a weak man and never developed the deep self-love, self-confidence and self-reliance which are prerequisites to unselfishly loving another person.

    Excerpt from the book: Fundamentals of Female Dynamics by Michael Knight
u/_The1DevinChance · 9 pointsr/seduction

Here's an excerpt from one of my favorite books The Manual by W Anton:

> After your bold approach and some small talk that includes flirting, you should restate your intentions while keeping in mind her desires; you say what you want while telling her what she wants to hear. What do you want? Her phone number. Why do you want it? Because you want to see her again. Why do you want to do that? You know this best, but it is probably because she is very attractive and you enjoyed talking to her. Therefore, that is what you should tell her while at the same time handing her your cell phone or a piece of paper and a pen — still smiling, full of confidence while maintaining eye contact, and assuming that she will give you her number the same way you always assume positive outcomes for your every advance.

> It is not complicated. You are not asking for a woman’s number, you are telling her to give it to you by thinking aloud, and you do it after effectively convincing her that she would not mind meeting you again by the way you handle yourself and her.

> If you did not bring your phone, tell her to write her number down. And if you did not bring your own pen, she probably has a makeup pen or a lipstick in her purse that she can write with. Otherwise, ask someone in the vicinity without hesitation.

Honestly, this seems like the most natural way and it's worked well for me.

u/youlovethisish · 4 pointsr/seduction

It sounds like you're getting rejected before you even get a chance to establish your intent.

This is a wholly different problem than getting rejected after stating/establishing intent. Hell, you getting rejected itself is the only part of your question that matters.

I think this takes a lot about figuring out your approach. Judging by your past posts, you're new to all this and need to really find your footing in regards to the dating world. There are several components to doing this. For starters, note that being her friend is a different endgame than being her romantic partner. They are, 99% of the time, mutually exclusive. Disney and romcoms have brainwashed you into believing they overlap, but they don't. Get that shit out of your head. Here are some other tips.

  • Work on how you present yourself. Groom well, dress well, walk/carry yourself well, and speak well. 87% of communication is nonverbal (something like that, I can't remember the exact number, but it's a ton, and yolo and shit), so it's very important to hone your NONverbal cues - arguable moreso than your verbal cues. A well dressed, tall-standing guy with a nice smile and smooth talking style will be received in a much better way than a scruffy, nervous, choppy-talking guy with all his lines right.

    tips for smooth speech

    talk with a deeper voice

    proper posture

    mensfashion subreddit

  • If you're not already doing so, lift weights. This is by far the biggest thing you can do to change your physique. a built guy in a well-fitting hoodie is way hotter than a fat guy in an ill-fitting suit.

    fitness subreddit

    stronglifts 5x5 - for both routine and nutrition

  • Meditate in order to calm your nerves. You're getting wrapped up in your own head and I'll bet your small talk comes off super nervous and unattractive. Ease your mind by training it through discipline. Try Headspace to do so.

    headspace

    meditation subreddit

  • Understand the basics of verbal game. Lots of banter, lots of push-pull, always be advancing, etc.. There is tons on this sub in regards to that stuff, so seek it out and internalize it. Write notes in your phone and use new lines consistently to get a feel for your personal style of game.

    "what to say" post

    Models by Mark manson

    the shit test encyclopedia

  • Note that this is NOT going to be a 100% game. You'll get rejected 99 out of 100 times at first, then 9/10, then at most 2/3 - but it's not as easy for guys as it is for girls. You will most likely never bed a majority of the women you talk to, and you have to be fine with this. Pump up your approach numbers - this in one of those things that you'll only get good at by consistently doing, understanding, revising, and implementing.

    resources exist for all of these things - I've tried to link the relevant ones but reddit's linking system takes forever. There's more as you dive into every topic.

    This covers the basics. I may just make this a post at this point, but this should give you more focus on building yourself into an attractive person. Good luck bro.

    edits for formatting
u/fitzzpleasure · 1 pointr/seduction

Do yourself a favor and read No More Mr. Nice Guy!

The main argument in the book is that nice guys are usually seeking the approval of others and fail to invest enough in themselves, this is why they are afraid to "push boundaries" afraid to "make a move" and afraid to make mistakes or misread the situation (as in your case), in essence they are afraid to be themselves. A confident man is more concerned with his opinion of himself than the opinion others have of him.

Here's the first few passages from the book to wet your appetite:

Five decades of dramatic social change and monumental shifts in the traditional family have created a breed of men who have been conditioned to seek the approval of others.

I call these men Nice Guy .

Nice Guys are concerned about looking good and doing it "right." They are happiest when they are making others happy. Nice Guys avoid conflict like the plague and will go to great lengths to avoid upsetting anyone. In general, Nice Guys are peaceful and generous. Nice Guys are especially concerned about pleasing women and being different from other men. In a nutshell, Nice Guys believe that if they are good, giving, and caring, they will in return be happy, loved, and fulfilled.

Sound too good to be true?

It is.

Over the last several years, I have encountered countless frustrated and resentful Nice Guys in my practice as a psychotherapist. These passively pleasing men struggle in vain to experience the happiness they so desperately crave and believe they deserve. This frustration is due to the fact that Nice Guys have believed a myth. This myth is the essence of what I call the Nice Guy Syndrome.

The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are "good," they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results — as it often does — Nice Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are often anything but nice.

u/thrizzlepizzle · 5 pointsr/seduction

This is the golden question, right?

*

Fake it 'til you make it yields
false confidence. Although you'll still be exhibiting the traits of a confident male, you're true self will eventually show itself. It's not sustainable, and at times demeaning towards women.

Now,
true confidence, as you seem to hint at here comes from being less invested in others as you are in your perception of yourself** (taken from Mark Manson's book Models - you should absolutely positively read this book). To reach this state, you obviously need to invest in yourself. Investing in yourself means that you have the following nailed down in your life:

  1. You have created an attractive and enriching lifestyle;
  2. You have overcame your fears and anxieties around women;
  3. You have mastered the honest expression of your emotions and can communicate fluidly with others (especially women).

    Working on these 3 items will improve your overall confidence and it will ooze through literally every action you exhibit in your life.

    **

    Obviously, tackling these 3 items is quite complex; I highly recommend you check out Mark's book to learn the specifics on how to do each of them. Essentially, to be confident you have to
    feel* confident: you can only feel that way if you're actually living a great life, and are comfortable in your capacity to handle social situations.
u/TrippAdvice1 · 7 pointsr/seduction

Great question, man! Nobody ever asks this. I thought the post written a week ago about advice from a 68 year old man was GOLD. Check this out if you haven't:

http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/r381m/advice_from_an_experienced_natural_68_year_old/

Also, I wrote an article for an online magazine a few months back about the most important parts in relationships:

http://wilesmag.com/2012/what-he-wants-9/

I have been in a relationship for over a year now and I work real hard at it. I believe communication, sex, and excitement are probably the three most important aspects in a relationship.

•Communication: Always speak up. Say how you feel. Don't hold anything in. Talk openly about your feelings and concerns. This will prevent big fights.

•Sex: Keep this alive and strong. Do it frequently. If you're ever bored start spicing it up. This keeps the attraction strong.

•Excitement: Beyond sex, make sure you're always going on trips (even inexpensive small ones) and going on dates. Have things to look forward to, in order to keep the progression of the relationship alive.

Another great resource is the book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576/ref=pd_sim_b_4

That will help you understand the male and female essence and how it all works together. I would say it's like a new age "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus". Highly recommended.

u/jimmyayo · 9 pointsr/seduction

Friend, I mean this in the nicest way possible, I think your PUA training was pretty shitty. Reading your 5 approaches/openers...I don't see how any of them would work, esp here in my home city (NYC). Some of the stuff was straight up cringeworthy =(

What I would do differently (please take this w/ a grain of salt - it's just my own opinions):

  1. @ the hip/hipster bar, tall dude + chick. Would not open w/ opinion opener. Definitely not fistbump the dude that was shutting you down!!! If this place is a hip bar, you need to be hipper than them. Cooler. You don't need to ask their opinions on some question (till later, at least, once they see you're fucking cool and now have a reason to want to continue talking to you). You say, "you guys come to this place a lot? " they answer "yes/no". You say, "cool. This place is alright I guess. Just got back from CA, they actually have this really amazing bar there where the bartenders will do shots with you all night...(make all sorts of crazy, interesting shit up)"

  2. Again, I wouldn't use an opinion opener. Approach black girl + indian guy. Just say "sup guys." Nod, raise your beer like the fucking man that you are. "Question: do you know what you get when you have an indian dude and a black girl at a bar?" (they look dumbfounded, but curious) "2 people ready for shots." If they're on, holler out "Bartender! Round of shots here!" Then talk, you badass shot-calling motherfucker. Even before I got into pickup, I hung around bars a LOT - sharing shots might be the quickest way to make friends =)

  3. IMHO - one should NEVER tell a girl that she should smile more - I know some PUA's try that line...but 99% of girls I've talked to HATE it when guys tell them that. It's bossy and a little petty.

    And do drunk-I-Love-You-Lines work? It sounds weird to me. If a girl asked me that, I'd reply "no drunk I Love you's don't count, and I don't give 2 shits about your friend Nick/Steve/Jenny/Fuckface." I wouldn't use this as an opener, but maybe after a couple minutes of establishing your high value and her interest level in what you have to say. Why, you ask? Because it's really not that interesting of a question, and so far, you have given her 0 reasons to continue this conversation beyond "hello".

    Finally, I would recommend this book for you (it's my pickup bible): http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Through-Honesty-ebook/dp/B005EOTH24
u/YesIStick · 1 pointr/seduction

Pasted from a comment I made the other day:

Dude, I love you asking about books!

Codependent No More

No More Mr. Nice Guy -I was raised by a very Beta father, and influences significantly by feminism over my education through teachers and friends’ parents. These two books helped break that and accept it is okay to be a fucking male and make your own way in this society.

•The 3rd is not a book but a podcast: The MFCEO Project also available on SoundCloud, and stitcher. I linked episode 107 because it greatly influenced how I structure my approach for life. I also highly recommend episode 141, the battleground mentality, it also helps address approaching society and how we make excuses.

Way of the Wolf - teaches business principals with a tried and true system. It isn’t for everyone but Straight Line selling is a very powerful tool.

Discipline Equals Freedom -This wasn’t as influential for me as I had already placed the development tools it teaches into place, but for anyone starting off on their self development journey I highly recommend it.

u/CognitiveExplorer · 23 pointsr/seduction

Just wait until you read more and more on it and spend tons of time watching people. It gets pretty awesome what you can see. It also becomes a game you can play with girls. In addition, you can see things that even they don't realize is happening and this makes for great playful teasing.

I would also suggest adding "what everyBODY is saying". It is a great book written by a former CIA operative who needed to be amazing in order to survive.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061438294/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1368287612&sr=8-1&pi=SL75

Edited to reflect correct title name and include amazon link.

u/PUA_Coach · 1 pointr/seduction

> Do what you think you should do, theres nothing wrong with fucking up sometimes.

OP came here for help because he is clueless as to how he should approach this. And while I agree that he should do what he believes he should do, OP lacks the guidance and a model of how an attractive man acts.

To OP: I want you to read the book Models by Mark Manson. It's an amazing book that will help guide you not only through your trouble with women, but it allows you to learn to love yourself and become genuinely confident with yourself.

There was a time in my life when I would worry about every little thing to say to a girl, how I should impress her and how not to offend her. Reading Models helped me so much and I know that it will help you.

Do yourself a favor and give it a read, it will be one of the biggest steps you ever make in your personal development.

u/Dhltnp · 7 pointsr/seduction

This is so far my to go list, no particulary order:

Body Language

Models: Attract Women Through Honesty

No More Mr Nice Guy

The Flinch

The Blueprint Decoded

How to Win Friends & Influence People

The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them

These books/dvds/audiobooks are about self development and basic understanding of human behaviour, I honestly think everybody can benefit from this stuff.

Edit:

Also find a good book about improving your voice, no idea here because I use one in german.

u/Irish_machiavelli · 2 pointsr/seduction

I'd like to inject some evolutionary biology into this discussion.
Women select mates based on status then "strength", and then attractiveness. Attractiveness in this context means something approximating "desirability," because your attractiveness is based upon how many females you are attracting generally.

Ever wondered why they tell you to go to the club with girls, even if they're only friends? You just found out.

So, don't get caught up on the attractiveness. It's only one of three elements upon which women select. Further, wardrobe and grooming do a lot in the way of boosting men's attractiveness, and these are both well within your control.

Source: http://www.amazon.com/The-Red-Queen-Evolution-Nature/dp/0060556579

u/FecklessPhilanderer · 1 pointr/seduction

Put yourself in the position to be approached.


Go to the cafe instead of reading at home, go out to a show instead of dancing by yourself in your frillies, go to the market instead of buying frozen food from the chain store.


Have something on your person that someone can very easily comment on and physically place your body in closer proximity to the guys who seem interesting.


Then think about all the sexy things you want to do with him, steal glances at the stuff that turns you on. At this point biology should take over and you'll do something sexy that catches his eye. You don't have to really offer a lot initially conversation wise, if you're feeling frisky he'll feel it and just babble on while basking in your sexy feminine energy.


Nerdy awkward girls can be extremely sexy if they are turned on enough and really enjoying the moment. Besides, being initially awkward and demure is a turn on for most guys.

Read How to talk to anyone for seriously killer tips and tricks to improve your conversational ability.

u/rukachu · 5 pointsr/seduction

I am reading this books called models: attracting women through honesty. It has been extremely helpful for me.

>Models is the first men's dating book ever written on seduction as a purely emotional process rather than a logical one, a process of connecting with women rather than impressing them, a process of self-expression rather than manipulation. It's the most mature and honest guide on how a man can attract women without faking behavior, without lying and without emulating others. A game-changer.

http://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1420342456&sr=8-2&keywords=models

u/JKirkN · 3 pointsr/seduction

If you have a strong sense of self and really confident, then start with Models, otherwise read No More Mr Nice Guy then Models. After that start going out and applying what you learn. Watch some pickup videos (RSD, Willy Beck)...etc. Also that subreddit is really a mine of gold, learn from it as much as you can. Find dudes you can pickup and do that shit with sometimes, It's a lot easier and more fun actually. My point is: Start your journey and let yourself evolve overtime (no need to rush) and don't take it seriously. One important thing to say is that: Applying is really important and don't slip into the intellectual circle like me of taking videos/books so much and not doing anything. Cause if you do that, overtime you will find that a one book really has tons of information and applying it gonna take so much. So what's the need of accumulating these resources. And be careful of the marketing techniques of these products, they are deceitful sometimes. Peace.

u/Harmonic_Minor_Shred · -5 pointsr/seduction

How To Win Friends is old news mate.

Sure the principles are timeless but many parts of the book are dated.

92 Tips is a better book. More detailed than How to win Friends is more modern. Whenever anyone mentions that i send them to this one to replace it.

Models is good too. Chekc out the Way of Superiour Man By DAVID DEIDA. GOOD SHIT MATE>

u/Rfksemperfi · 1 pointr/seduction

The nature of the individual, traveling a path of unique experiences, in a space of nearly perfect chaos, dictates that there simply cannot be a guide for everyone every time. If you want a guide that does a pretty good job of summing a lot up try (the first on the list):

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
http://amzn.com/1591792576

The truth is you need to spend time examining yourself and identify where you need improvement. I would be happy to point you in a direction that may better serve you just PM me. I always highly recommend reading The Little Prince, it is always in the children's book section, but it eloquently sums up life and love.

The Little Prince
http://amzn.com/0156528207

There is no substitute you will find in a bookstore, or anywhere for that matter, for going out and living. Meet people, go places, take chances, and always take the time to really listen when you meet someone who has already done just that.

u/Warus157 · 1 pointr/seduction

OP is actually right on this subject matter. Just because a girl touches you on the arm/back doesn’t automatically signal that she likes likes you. It could mean she is either warming up to you, or is down right messing around.

If you have a chance, read the The Definitive Book of Body Language, the book explains in great detail that it is super important that you read the entire human body as a whole. That means you must observe the person’s facial expressions, the way how they move their feet, how they behave around others, etc. We humans are really complicated creatures. Whatever comes out from our mouths will not always correlate with how we really feels about an/a individual/group/situation.

Edit: grammar correction on second to last line of this comment.

u/MindsEvolve · 1 pointr/seduction

You can imagine how much material there is on these topics. I can try to get you a jump start.

Books:
https://www.amazon.com/Game-NEIL-STRAUSS/dp/0062312979/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472500098&sr=8-1&keywords=the+game+neil+strauss

https://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472500147&sr=8-1&keywords=mystery+method

https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1472500158&sr=8-1&keywords=models+manson

theattractionforums.com -> go to the newbie section

Read the popular posts from here in the side bar ->

If you think you need some personal help and want strategies based on your environment for creating a "funneling" strategy of getting hot women to come to you, just private message me.

Best of luck.

u/marcus_life_coach · 1 pointr/seduction

2 CENTS - In my humble opinion it appears you have made the cardinal mistake of getting tied down too early. I do not advise students to get tied down until their internal centred-ness, confidence and abundance has reached a particular threshold. However, under certain circumstances I think you can have a gf or steady girl, but in an open relationship (it's not hard, I have students only in the game 1-month and they can do it, its an honest 5min conversation with the girl). MY ADVICE - Drop her, doesn't appear she is that emotionally invested in you. 2nd - do 2 Cents part. But, if you can't do it, must read is 'Way of the Superior Man' by David Deida, ultimate foundational guide to being a strong man in a relationship http://www.amazon.ca/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1413915194&sr=8-1&keywords=deida+david

u/baddog992 · 2 pointsr/seduction

Just a few quick things. Try doing things by yourself. Example would be going to a movie theater by yourself. Before you go write down what you think will happen and then rate it after you go. You can do this with other activities as well..it helps to build confidence. Also Read Books and try out what they recommend.

Here is the book that gave me a ton of tips and led me to many a date. How To attract people to you or the other book that people recommend is How to Win Friends and Influence People.

Once I read Intimate connection then everything clicked for me. I started getting dates and making friends. Some of it is dated but the book is still worth reading and learning from it. Once you get the basics down you will be fine. I was a late bloomer myself. Do not let that throw you.

u/lonewolf-chicago · 5 pointsr/seduction

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck: It's more Zen than the title alludes to.

No More Mr. Nice Guy: Excellent book!

How to Win Friends and Influence People

Mystery: Body Language 1

Mystery: Body Language 1

Hot Seat Breakdown: Part 1 of 5. This might be the greatest breakdown of legit pickup. It's Owen from RSD, and I don't like him typically, but this is super good.

u/ThrowawayPUA · 3 pointsr/seduction

You mention having a lot of issues here about depression and having a low self-image, this makes it hard to project a positive, attractive image. So for some people, socializing with people makes them self-conscious and a nervous wreck, we don't even see the signals other people are giving us, and we aren't even aware that we're giving signals back. And usually those signals are random, even unintentional, so we end up repelling people, even though that's not what we wanted at all.

So a lot of us have these "inner game" problems that we have to settle, and get into better thinking patterns. Then we are better able to make an emotional connection with people and become intimate. I think I would recommend a book to you, it's by a psychologist who developed Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, it's a way to replace self-defeating thoughts with positive ones. The book is Intimate Connections by David D. Burns M.D.. That book is actually a sequel to his first book, Feeling Good: the New Mood Therapy. I have read them both and I think you could do well with their program.

u/HenSica · 2 pointsr/seduction

>2. If you don't know what to do with your hands, either hook your thumbs into your front pockets (like a cowboy) or back pockets (my preference). This keeps your hands occupied instead of moving uncomfortably at the side.

I agree with everything you said, except for #2. From what I read, What Every Body is Saying-Joe Navarro, it says that thumbs in the pocket indicate low status and confidence. Showing your thumbs typically is a sign that you think highly of yourself and/or are confident.

A good alternative is to stick the rest of your hand into your front pockets and leave only the thumbs sticking out. This is typically a more confident gesture and doubles as genital framing.

u/ajmmin · 11 pointsr/seduction

Dude, women are people--not assets. This is a person you like. Definitely stay friends with her.

Read Models by Mark Manson and watch this crappy quality video of one of his talks. Best beginner advice there is.

u/puaCurveBall · 1 pointr/seduction

Please read through the book "Feeling Good":

http://www.amazon.com/Feeling-Good-The-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336

Don't worry about the bald thing, it won't affect women at all. Plenty of guys with shaved heads do amazing!

You've had 7 dates!!! that is way more than a lot of guys!

> I have figured out I can't do on my own.

This is a false limiting belief, OF COURSE you can do this on your own! Post where you are having trouble, and guys on here can help you.

***

Overall you need to realize no one can help you except YOU. You need to take responsibility for improving yourself, and it will require a lot of hard work. Including things like going to approach women alone!

u/InvictusRex · 1 pointr/seduction

There are a lot of good body language books. The video you linked explaining why books don't work is stupid, he makes no good points.

This is how you learn from a body language book: Read the book. Consciously pay attention to the body language of people around you and notice when they perform things that you read about. It's that easy. He'll I would argue that is a much better way to learn because you're getting real examples rather than just watching a video and trying to play copy cat. Point it, books are good.

Use this book: http://www.amazon.com/The-Definitive-Book-Body-Language/dp/0553804723

Read this: http://www.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1dd13a/above_the_game_part_3_body_language_how_to/

u/Tells_only_truth · 1 pointr/seduction

Mark Manson:"It's about being less invested in others' perceptions instead of NOT invested in others' perceptions."

Neediness is caring more about what people think of you than about what you think of yourself.
Confidence is caring more about what you think of yourself than about what others think of you.

You can show interest. You don't have to be aloof to be attractive, just be more aloof than she is.

u/rmbarnes · 3 pointsr/seduction

Try these books:

http://www.amazon.com/New-Psycho-Cybernetics-Maxwell-Maltz/dp/0735202850/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1293190801&sr=8-2 - This one teaches you that the way you act and what you are capable of is largely based on your self image.

http://www.amazon.com/Way-Superior-Man-Spiritual-Challenges/dp/1591792576/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1293190916&sr=1-1 - This one helps you to understand a lot of stuff about your masculine nature, and how it relates to female nature, and how the two compliment each other. Ignore the spirituality based explanations though, the real explanations of male vs female nature is rooted in evolutionary biology.

The first book is pretty long. Just reading it won't do much. You have to go back over it after you've read it and do all of the mental exercises. I'm only starting to do that now, but I have heard other people have improved their inner game by doing this.

This book isn't about game or getting laid, but yet after reading it I had an epiphany: game isn't about women, it's about me. Game used to feel like me vs women, like I had to master them. Now I realise my only enemy in getting good at game is myself. It is myself, not women that I need to master. This is the same with many things in life: running is about the runner, not his opponents or the track. Weightlifting isn't about the weights or the other competitors, it's about the weightlifter himself.

He who masters himself will reach his full potential, and no one can do more than that.

u/BearBong · 1 pointr/seduction

Actually decided to post based on a professors suggestion to write in ways I normally wouldn't, in places I normally wouldn't. These, here, trying to deliver quality OC to Seddit!

(Also, to a degree, remind lurkers that Seddit doesn't have to be contingent on being a dick 'amog,' and there are good ways of doing so) Rant end: read that book, Models (a title I got from seddit). It helped me reframe/reposition may of the pua values to much more fitting ones.)

Cheers for the ad love, fun business – what'd it transition to?

u/cmo88 · 2 pointsr/seduction

You should really read "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by: Dr. Robert A. Glover. I started reading it a while back while dealing with the same issues you're going through. Since then I have learned to put myself first and not be reliant on what other people think of me. Best of luck to you, things will get better!

Heres a link to where you can buy the book: http://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339

u/revolved · 5 pointsr/seduction

My mini review: This book is a brutally honest story that tracks the journey from a hormonally imbalanced asshole teen to a pickup coach. Tony has a unique sense of humour (Would you rather fight 100 midgets with pitchforks or a T-Rex?) and drops a lot of knowledge in a fun, quick, easy read (just like any good lay)

He's got another book on day game: http://www.amazon.ca/Hope-its-Sunny-Out-ebook/dp/B00F13MD3I/ref=sr_1_2?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1380773284&sr=1-2

u/CollaterLDamage · 4 pointsr/seduction

only confident people click, or at least, topically confident. you took the movies too personally and your lost in a delusion. Do spontaneous clicks happen? yes,same way anyone can be president or drop out of school and become a billionaire. unlikely (very, very unlikely) but possible.

i dont know who told you you need to be an asshole, what you need to learn to do is actually go out there and get what you want."Closed mouths dont get fed"

Read this book.Pirate it if you must and then buy it later if it works for you.

Rules of the game

Take the book day by day, it makes a difference. you dont need to know all this "PUA" shit.

Another book that tailors specifically to your issue

the rational male

practically word for word from what your saying to what the books saying. outside looking in PUA doesn't make any logical sense but we are not creatures of logic, we are creatures of emotion. if we werent, you wouldnt feel shame, guilt or even love.

u/drumdance · 7 pointsr/seduction

This is a great synopsis. The goal of advertising is to make you feel at bad about your current situation, and to believe that the product offered will cure that sadness. It can be something mundane like floor wax ("my floor will no longer look like shit") or aspirational like an iPhone ("my boring life will become awesome").

If you get the target emotionally engaged, the next step is get them to take action, which is why so many TV ads end with "Call now at 800-xxx-xxxx." They don't want there to be any doubt about the next step.

The book Influence talks about some other ideas that help motivate action, such as:

  • Social proof
  • Scarcity
  • Authority (aka confidence)
  • Commitment and consistency

    I got interested in pickup because I had already read Influence and saw some similarities.

    Edit: typos
u/AtticusSeduction · 6 pointsr/seduction

You really need to read the guides on this subreddit, look to your right.

If that isn't enough start with: http://contemporarylit.about.com/od/memoir/fr/theGame.htm
Then go read: http://www.amazon.com/The-Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women/dp/0312360118

Also, your post is all about how you are and thinking that you won't need to change yourself to be successful. While you won't have to change the core of how you are, alot of "game" or "Seduction" is about be confident inside, changing how you view yourself and how that translates to success with women.

Read the books, then come back and ask

u/iscream22 · 1 pointr/seduction

I was kinda socially awkward and new a few years ago myself and am having much better luck nowadays. Most of the highly upvoted posts on here have decent info. If you're lookin for a decent book about being a dude and dating nowadays this book is a good spot to start. I heard about it on here on this subreddit and it has a lot of useful information.

https://www.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1497457215&sr=8-1&keywords=Mark+manson+models

u/Shotsnshots · 2 pointsr/seduction

Yes, actually it does mean what you think it doesn't. Instead of pointing to the problem, point to the solution. Instead of saying "...you're an idiot because you took her out and didn't escalate, didn't kino soon enough..." Why don't you contribute something constructive? Put out a field report that's filled with good concepts. When someone's stuck, be a bro and help them become a better person.

I'd recommend reading this, it should clear things up.

u/AsianAway · 3 pointsr/seduction

No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover

This book really opened my eyes. If anything in my entire time learning self help and seduction; This one book coupled with "Models" by Mark Manson has helped me the most in introspection and figuring out how to be completely happy with where I am right now.

u/kthrowaway321 · 3 pointsr/seduction

Read the book No More Mr. Nice Guy it really helps you put things into perspective and mentions ways to get out of those habit. It helped change my paradigm shift. Don't think of the book as turning yourself into an asshole, its more about respecting yourself and doing things you want to do, others will follow.

u/TonyDAbsolute · 1 pointr/seduction

I share freebies on the website and email list all the time. Gave away I Hope It's Sunny Out last month to my mailing list.

u/unoriginalusername27 · 1 pointr/seduction

http://www.amazon.com/The-Game-Penetrating-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738

If you haven't heard of it, this is pretty much the pre-requisite reading for seduction. It's about Style's upbringing in the seduction community with other PUAs. It's more about the entertainment value than it is a how to but it still has great information.

u/Alafran · 2 pointsr/seduction

I'd actually recommend taking a break from girls. You need to work on yourself. If you can't love yourself, how could you possibly expect anyone else to love you?

If you are telling yourself that you aren't looking for love, and that you just want to hookup, it just doesn't work like that. I guarantee that if you got laid tonight by a 10/10 chick, you would feel even worse than you do right now because absolutely nothing will change and you will hate yourself for it.

I seriously recommend reading Models and just focusing on you for a while. There is no rush, devote a few months to being the best you that you can be, and after a while the best girls will just seem to start coming to you.

u/djelenthe · 2 pointsr/seduction

I'm not saying to make this your bible, but just follow the broad outline, ignore what doesn't vibe with you and get some positive affirmations.

Also, if you don't want to be an indoor kid, then go outside. I redefined my home a while back, it's a place where I rest and keep my stuff. It's a great mindset to have.

u/Draknodred · 3 pointsr/seduction

This is very true. I just finished reading No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover and it pretty much goes over these exact things. If you want a good book to read and help figure this out for yourself I recommend that one.

No need for everyone to get so upset, this doesn't apply to everyone but if it does apply you probably don't realize it. I didn't until my relationship of two years came crashing down and I didn't blame anyone but her. Learning about this weeks after I realized there's a lot more crap going on that I made myself not notice.

It's a bit of a misnomer with the name, people aren't saying to be an asshole. It's more about being yourself without seeking approval in women, being able to be a nice/good person without the hidden expectation that good things will happen to you because you are so nice and good.

A lot of it you would never notice normally because it seems normal to you. You are a great person right? So what's wrong? You're probably being a "great" person for the wrong reasons, for other people and not for yourself. Putting other people first all the time but then getting internally frustrated later on when your needs are not met. It just creates a cycle of frustration and anger, then the deceit comes.

It's easy to dismiss and not everyone is this way but it's still fairly common these days. Just be open to the idea and do some research, if you're one of these kind of people then you'll be happy you found out before it was too late. It's easy to dismiss as people wanting you to be an asshole but that's not what it's about.

Even if you don't want to be a PUA it's still one of the most important realizations you can make in your life.

u/bmay · 1 pointr/seduction

There is no "it" factor. You are not lacking some fundamental personality trait that sets everyone else apart from you and makes you an inferior person.

The fact that you have some anxieties about yourself and behavior in social situations means that you are normal. No one is ever 100% confident and everyone has doubts.

The most important thing is that you continue to put yourself out there. When you stop and think about what you're doing and see how dedicated you are to improving yourself as a person, you'll realize that you are more confident than a lot of people. Some people don't even leave their homes because they're afraid of interacting with new people.

If you're down for some outside "homework" reading, I recommend you check out this book. It'll help with "inner game" stuff.

u/ruboski · 0 pointsr/seduction

Honestly I would really recommend reading Models by Mark Manson http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1463750358?pc_redir=1408942425&robot_redir=1 (you can find a pdf easy enough).

He practically guides you through bettering yourself.

u/so-to-speak · 5 pointsr/seduction

It sounds like you're defining your life be the women you are with too much. I think you might benefit from reading No More Mr. Nice Guy book and forums.

u/lonestandingone · 1 pointr/seduction

I liked /u/TonyDAbsolute's I Hope It's Sunny Out, 'cause it is so simple.

u/KeroKeroKeroppi · 2 pointsr/seduction

So true, haha!
highly recommend this book which helped me learn to deal with that craziness: http://www.amazon.com/The-Way-Superior-Man-Challenges/dp/1591792576

fair warning: its kinda out there at times, but still good stuff.

u/diddlyhohum · 4 pointsr/seduction

I'd recommend reading a book called No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover. It helped me a lot with reconcile a break-up that really left me as a shell of my former self. Maybe it'll help you out too.

u/Fuck_Dacts · 9 pointsr/seduction

What Every BODY is Saying: An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed-Reading People by Joe Navarro

Great resource on the things to look out for in body language. It made me more aware about my actions and noticing things in other people. My favorite thing to look at now is thumbs. They speak volumes.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0061438294?pc_redir=1413517413&robot_redir=1

u/That-GW-Guy · 11 pointsr/seduction

Warning: I'm going to shit all over your post and you will be mad about it. But if you really want to improve, you will swallow this bitter medicine and start on the road to actually becoming attractive.

> I'm not entitled

Yes you are. This whole post is dripping with resentment because things aren't going your way.

Does that upset you? It will because we aren't going to take your bullshit.

I hate to rain on your pity parade, but that's life. Nobody is going to hand you the keys to riches or women just because you fucking want it. You need to put your shoulders to the plough and work for it.

> I believe I'm cursed

The universe is incapable of blessing or cursing anybody. You have a bad case of demanding the universe (and women) should like you because you are friendly to them and they are friendly in return.

It doesn't work like that.

Literally this whole post can be boiled down to a spoiled child throwing a tantrum because his favorite toy was taken away.

You can cry about it, or you can make yourself better.

> I literally get friendzoned by every single girl.

That's because you aren't being honest with them or yourself. You want to bang these women, but you don't have a spine to actually show them that intent until long after you feel safe that they like you. You are sneaking around their emotions like a thief. You are trying to trick them into bed with a fake facade of "being nice".

Literally, you are a coward.

You won't make a sexual move until long after the friend relationship has started.

> I'm 100% convinced like me who just flat out act like I'm the most hideous guy when I actually have the balls to escalate our situation.

But you don't escalate the situation. You friendzone them immediately. You make no move. Then, long after the friend relationship is established, your real intent comes out and she realizes that the previous relationship was a complete and utter lie to try and get into her pants.

Imagine your best friend suddenly confessed his undying love to you. How would you react? Like a little snot-nosed shit, if this post is any indication.

> I truly don't see why [my friends] have success and I don't [...] they aren't that much different from me.

I see this all the time at my gym. People come wanting to have the washboard abs and the chiseled chest, but what do they do? They show up for two days, then never come back again. I see this over and over. You know who gets those abs? Those who put hundreds of hours in the gym. There is no shortcut.

You know why your friends are successful? They talked, flirted, and were rejected by hundreds of girls before finding the one "who wants the D". But you don't see all that hard work. You only notice their results. They are different from you because they put in the work and you did not. For whatever reason, you don't see how much work they put into their game.

You aren't going to get rippling pectorals from two pullups. It takes hundreds of pullups before you see results. Likewise, it takes hundreds of approaches and rejections before you start seeing results and improvements with women.

>I do everything right but still fail

You want to know a secret? You can do everything right and still fail. Not every girl is going to like you. Not every girl is going to sleep with you. Most of all, these girls aren't going to put up with your bullshit.

>Any advice?

So you made it this far without ragequitting. There might be hope for you yet.

First, flush all of that bullshit I've pointed out from your system. Write off all the "progress" you think you've made. You need to get back to the basics and practice fundamentals. If you aren't prepared for a long hard grind, then stop reading right now and come back when you are humiliated and humbled enough to actually start grinding.

Now I want you to pick up a copy of Models. Read the whole thing. Thanksgiving is coming up, so I know you will have time. Especially the first part.

Did that book sink in? If not, go reread it again.

Now read your post above. Think about what you've read and look at how your neediness, entitlement, and bitter resentment is gushing throughout your post.

Next is fucking bootcamp. You need to rack up approaches and rejections like a junkie with a bad habit. You need to put in the sweat and blood and fear flirting is reflexive. This isn't a Q&A subreddit. This is a gym. We can help, but only if you put in the work. There are no shortcuts here.

Along the way, you need to build out yourself into somebody attractive. There are hundreds of posts about "Inner Game" here and Models talks about it extensively in the first part. This is how you become a better person. This is how you kill resentment and bitterness. This is how you become a better man.

And finally, so there are no surprises, this takes a long time and it takes effort. Hundreds of approaches. Hundreds of rejections. How fast or slow you progress is directly proportional to the effort and time you put in. Again, no shortcuts.

This will take months. It might take years. It's all up to you.

Now, are you going to start the grind, or will you continue to complain?

u/IcarusLives · 1 pointr/seduction

Check out No More Mr. Nice Guy, it might help you quite a bit in your situation.

u/TonyDCoaching · 1 pointr/seduction

I'd say start with Mystery Method videos, and Annihilation by Style, aka Neil Strauss. You could also read Double Your Dating by David Deangelo, or my book for daygame, I Hope It's Sunny Out.

Most newer stuff focuses on inner game because in reality, all game comes down to confidence, self-esteem, and belief, with a dash of technique. All your techniques are useless if you have panic attacks just thinking of approaching. But approaching is the only way to develop game, outer and inner.

Another good product for newbs is Foundations by RSD. Maybe The Natural by Richard Laruina.

Those are a bit dated but will give you some training wheels until you realize the truth of game.

u/MegaStoops · 3 pointsr/seduction

It's called "What Every BODY is Saying". For some reason, I feel like if you get a title like that wrong, you aren't understanding what's in the book.

http://www.amazon.com/What-Every-BODY-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294

To OP, I'd suggest making her laugh and asking her questions about abstract stuff.

u/jorundr · 2 pointsr/seduction

The best book I've read on the topic is The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them by W. Anton

http://www.amazon.com/The-Manual-What-Women-Want/dp/1456494554

u/ObyrenOfDorne · 2 pointsr/seduction

The Red Queen. I downloaded ot off of YouTube and it was a great listen.

u/Jonjonsonsonson · 1 pointr/seduction

What I mentioned a metaphorical friend, somebody that can keep your secrets and won't judge you. I'm sorry that I brought you to that state of mind. How about a sibling or a family member? As soon as you start trying to help people with problems similar to yours, you realize how unfairly judgemental you are towards yourself.

I am in no way qualified to tell you what to do or how you feel, but I have a feeling that you are in a mental rut. Depression often carries with it physical symptoms such as lethargic posture and low energy voice. People can sense that and are put off by it, just as you would avoid a person with a dripping nose and a cough.

It's a cliche but how do you expect people to like/love you if can't have those feeling towards yourself?
I recommend you focus on yourself first before anything else, get some professional help if need be.

The way you replied to my simple question on which dance move it was, it displays to me that you not only have a passion for dancing but that you also put other people ahead of yourself.

If you have the time, I urge you to read This and This

And if you feel like you want to talk, send me a PM. Good vibes <3

u/tousledh · 1 pointr/seduction

Maybe you have Nice Guy Syndrome. Check this book out.

You are the most important person and you should set your own priorities.

u/TofuTofu · 2 pointsr/seduction

I am biased, but my Above The Game guide has a pretty different approach from The Game. If you're looking for a book, check out Models by Mark Manson.

u/GoldenHamster · 2 pointsr/seduction

Great overall advice, but I wouldn't recommend Mystery Method. It's overly elaborate and somewhat outdated. I recommend reading Magic Bullets and the accompanying routines manuals (part 1 and part 2).

u/kerm · 2 pointsr/seduction

Since you're familiar with CBT, have you read Intimate Connections by David Burns. I'm only a little ways through it, but I really like it thus far.

u/rubygeek · 7 pointsr/seduction

Restricting your hand movements is in general a "pacifying" behaviour. If pacifying behaviours increase in frequency, then she's likely nervous or uncomfortable. If she's positioning her arms so they cover up her abdomen, that's another strong pacifying behaviour.

Note that pacifying behaviours on their own means nothing. What matters is if they increase or decrease in frequency.

Source: What every body is saying? by Joe Navarro). I strongly recommend that book to get a no nonsense description of how to interpret various body language.

u/dashadow01 · 2 pointsr/seduction

If haven't read it yet, the book Models by Mark Manson is available on audiobook [via Amazon] (http://smile.amazon.com/Models-Attract-Women-Through-Honesty/dp/1463750358/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1397687274&sr=8-1&keywords=models+mark+manson). The quality of the audiobook is a bit amateurish (Mark did the narrating himself and used a mediocre recorder), but the content is what matters. And the content is well worth the $15 you pay for the book.

u/dirk_e_diggler · 1 pointr/seduction

I've said it before and I'll say it again:

>That's a very broad question. Read the side bar, read Models by Mark Manson, read The Rational Male.
>If I had to summarize seduction in one phrase: be outcome independent, but be interested.

u/Jonoczall · 1 pointr/seduction

Version? lol I didn't know there were different versions. Here is the Amazon link

u/Night-watcher · 5 pointsr/seduction

Not really, I don't owe you anything to explain, also there are too many things to cover. I suggest reading No More Mr Nice Guy and also Model.

u/seduce_my_anus · 1 pointr/seduction

The Game isn't a book that you should be reading for newbie advice. From what I've heard, it's more of a story about the authors journey of seduction and not an instruction manual.

Since you're a beginner, I HIGHLY recommend that you read Models by Mark Manson instead. I suggest that you put down The Game now and start reading THIS.

u/Magorkus · 5 pointsr/seduction

Then you're already on the right track. If you want a resource that's more specific to this exact issue you should take a look at No More Mr. Nice Guy. It's phenomenal and Mark Manson actually cites it in his book.

u/Coockieninjaguru · 1 pointr/seduction

>This is a problem, how you can be confident interacting with women on a sexual level when you can't confidently interact on a basic level?

The school I went to had many different nationalities, and my views were pretty different from the people there. Like I did talk to a couple of girls on a weekly basis but not much more than that.

Edit: https://www.amazon.com/Game-Penetrating-Secret-Society-Artists/dp/0060554738

This the one?

u/DiscreteOpinion · 1 pointr/seduction

Read this: How to Talk to Anyone

Googling "How to talk to anyone pdf" may be helpful if you can't buy it.

u/SilentLettersSuck · 3 pointsr/seduction

That's me. I can't talk to anybody, really. I never have shit to say and most convos end fast. Whether it be a relative, a friend, a girl, professor, anything.

I've been trying to practice on cashiers and just random people I see around but I really just can't think of anything.

Been thinking of buying this book:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X

u/budguy68 · 1 pointr/seduction

I agree but its way over priced....

Just look at this shit. 80 dollars....?
http://www.amazon.com/Magic-Bullets-2nd-Edition-Savoy/dp/3941579347/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376685235&sr=8-1&keywords=magic+bullets+pua

That being said the book does have a lot of old school pua material.

u/Captain_w00t · 1 pointr/seduction

There are several good books (go with the one that has highest reviews on amazon). Don’t go for articles or short videos, they tend to be very general and, sometimes some clues can backfire.

After some practice, you’ll discover that it’s not that hard to read body language. In general, in its simplest form, it usually relies on understanding comfort/discomfort and interest/disinterest in a given situation.

Sometimes you’ll need to interpret multiple body signals to understand correctly.

They way people moves /combines their foots, legs, hands and arms, how they show (or protect) their chest or neck, and so on.

I did study this stuff at university years ago, but recently I got a refresher by reading this:

https://www.amazon.com/What-Every-Body-Saying-Speed-Reading/dp/0061438294

u/kodozoku · 9 pointsr/seduction

Mandatory mention of "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

If this 4chan copypasta resonates with you at all, read the damned book.

u/st3roids · 3 pointsr/seduction

no mr nice guy from robert a. glover will get you started.

https://www.amazon.com/No-More-Mr-Nice-Guy/dp/0762415339


you can find it online btw

u/grngr · 3 pointsr/seduction

I am currently reading Feeling Good as well as seeing a psychologist to sort my bullshit out. I can vouch for everything in this post. It is very good advice.

u/optional_orange · 1 pointr/seduction

This this and this, if you ever want some more reading material.