(Part 3) Best dating books according to redditors
We found 1,391 Reddit comments discussing the best dating books. We ranked the 252 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 41-60. You can also go back to the previous section.
Most young males operating in a scarcity mindset catch the disease Oneitis at some point in their young adult lives. If not promptly caught and cured, Oneitis can take years away from one’s life. You can pour all your time and energy into a lost cause instead of using it to improve yourself. Having suffered myself from a very dire case of the disease, I am accustomed to the symptoms. The symptoms of Oneitis can include:
An additional symptom would include not seeing anything wrong with holding the above beliefs. You may believe that if a girl only truly knew how much you cared about her, that she would love you in return. However, this is not the way attraction or love actually works. When you truly love a person, you do not need anything from them in return. Arriving at this realization took me years and was the most painful lesson that I have ever had to learn. There is no such thing as “the one,” but only people who are more or less compatible together. Love is something you build, not something you find.
While I have no doubt that the feelings which you have are genuine, these feelings originate from a place of scarcity and fear. You may mistake the burning desire you have for a woman as the being the truest form of love. Fear resulting from scarcity infiltrates the heart and amplifies certain emotions to an unhealthy level. If this is the first time that you have ever felt this way, then you may be terrified of losing the woman for whom you feel these feelings. You may fear that you may never again feel this same way about anyone else. The truth is that you may be right. However, this is not due to you having lost out on the love of your life, but to the fact that you no longer live in scarcity. Once the scarcity mindset is removed, you can find someone with whom you can have a relationship with that is built on positive emotions, instead of the hidden underlying emotions of loneliness and fear.
Now looking back, having my heart broken was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. Had a need based relationship instead ensued, I would have never become the person I am today. I would have unknowingly submitted to comfort and security rather than venturing out into the world to learn its truths for myself. I would have remained a weak man and never developed the deep self-love, self-confidence and self-reliance which are prerequisites to unselfishly loving another person.
Excerpt from the book: Fundamentals of Female Dynamics by Michael Knight
I feel you! I've heard this from my mother, many times. She's currently trying to force me to read a self-help dating book that prescribes finding your "inner bitch" and being insulting and cold-hearted towards men because that apparently drives them wild. Oh, and she believes absolutely no sex until you've cemented yourself as the alpha female in their lives. It's like the gender-swapped version of the red pill. (Green pill?) But every bit as awful.
Edit: For the curious: Men Don't Love Women Like You.
My mom reads a lot of these, so most of her advice comes from a hodgepodge of sources. I know this one stuck out in my mind particularly because of the hurtful title.
> Thanks for your book on attraction, Dr. Givens!
I assume this one is the one you're speaking about? Looks interesting.
“Confidently, unapologetically and assertively show your honest intent to a woman while simultaneously remaining outcome independent.”
Master Theory of Attraction from the book: Fundamentals of Female Dynamics
http://www.amazon.com/Fundamentals-Female-Dynamics-Practical-Attracting/dp/0692655166/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1461064917&sr=8-1
Okay: https://www.amazon.com/Guerrilla-Dating-Tactics-Strategies-Secrets/dp/0452280117
I know this is a triggering word here, but what you're looking for is "Game".
As a "nice guy", it can be hard to go out and look for information on this because so much of what is written out there on the internet is written with a misogynistic and twisted worldview.
However, it can help to discard the source and take these techniques and theories at their face value.
I can start by recommending some books.
Feel free to PM me if you want. I have coached guys on this from time to time and quite enjoy doing it.
Does California have some sort of a crazy low male-to-female population I've never heard about? "Nice guys" under age 30 normally have a rough time finding female companionship last I checked. You might also consider Alaska if you're seeking a higher male-to-female ratio.
Overall, I tend to think that a woman in her twenties without any kids and of reasonable looks and weight shouldn't have too much difficulty finding a decent male if she's actively looking regardless of where she lives. I recommend reading these two books if you're really having trouble:
Why Men Are the Way They Are - explore the details of male psychology and male/female dynamics, providing valuable and useful knowledge helpful in the search for a mate. Find out why women often have so much difficulty finding a man.
Guerrilla Dating Tactics: Strategies, Tips, and Secrets for Finding Romance - I read this like 25 years ago when I was on the market and remember it's being fun and possibly useful.
Coming to North Dakota for economic reasons makes sense in some circumstances, but I don't think I'd make the move primarily for the purposes of finding a mate. In fact, that's really the only reason to come here - economic reasons. It's a cold, flat and boring state and would probably be a gigantic shock if all you've ever known is California. It might be described as "journey into Ice Hell" in those regards. Long term you might be happier in a place like Colorado or the Pacific Northwest. For North Dakota, you should look at Fargo, Bismarck, and maybe Grand Forks. Also, consider investigating Billings, Montana, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, and Omaha, Nebraska. Have you also considered Minneapolis? That's a very nice city.
Fargo does have a good job market, but a great many of those jobs are low-skilled, low-paying (sub-$15/hour) retail service jobs. We also have a couple call centers here (not sure if they're sub-$15 or what). The competition for jobs requiring a college degree in non-STEM fields should be relatively fierce since the Fargo-Moorhead area is a college town with three colleges pumping out job hungry graduates. If you normally have difficulty finding a better than fast food job then North Dakota might make some sense; it might not be too hard to get a job at one of those call centers and from what I've heard they pay better than fast food.
Wherever you move to, you should definitely investigate heavily over the Internet and come visit in person for a couple days before making a commitment. If you don't have any kids or student loans or other debt obligations then you might be in a great position to pick a place where you'd really like to live that also has a combination of a reasonable job market and cost of living. If you do have debt obligations then economic factors become much more pressing in which case North Dakota might start to make some sense.
This is a common scenario for married men. It can take a long, long time to get a date, and some guys (like me) never even manage to make it that far. "About a month or two" of trying is not a long time at all.
I recommend he check out Pepper Mint's book and blog post for advice, guidance, and a bit of perspective. It's important that he realize it's not just him and it happens to many men. Kevin Patterson's foreword to the book is especially eye-opening (and can be previewed for free on Amazon).
Patterns from childhood teach us how to be/how life is.
I also had a NPD parent, and in therapy I learned that my takeaway from that experience in my childhood is that when people mistreat you it is up to you to figure out how to fix it, accommodate it, and navigate their emotions. But you don’t get to leave (because you can’t leave an unhealthy parent, can you?).
So, later on in life when someone mistreated me or violated boundaries, it was familiar (instead of a warning flag) and I tried to fix it, accommodate it, and navigate that persons emotions, instead of saying to me and them “I won’t allow you or anyone to treat me this way, so I’m done with this.”
I don’t know that you attract it, but you (like me) don’t see the warning signs when it happens, and accept it instead or walking away from it once it rears its ugly head.
Check out the book Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship . It is short, straight to the point, and actually walks you through WHY it is so important to have and protect your boundaries.
I just read this book and it helped me a lot
Kind of a 'stop being a doormat' for women. I realised I was doing the same thing. The more selfless you become for a guy, the less effort they put in. If you keep giving, they have no choice but to keep taking. (It takes a rare person to see the imbalance, I mean who doesn't love being pampered? But if we're doing it and quietly hoping for praise and reciprocation, hell no they're not gonna)
You need to read this book right now.
https://www.amazon.com/Tactical-Guide-Women-Manage-Marriage/dp/0990686442/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1511547764&sr=1-1&keywords=women+tactical
Do not pass Go. Do not give in to her. Go monk if she withdraws sex or berates you. Read the book before you do anything.
I challenge you to read it and then post back with your analysis of your situation vis a vis the exercises in the book. Certain personality types do not age well.
The Rules
Basically a how-to guide for playing hard to get. It's filled with such gems as "Always wear lipstick, even when you're jogging" "Never ever call him first or return phone calls." It's really good advice if you want to marry a complete stranger. (My mother actually gave me a copy when I was in high school. It took me years to unlearn.)
How awesome. I highly recommend this book It is full of great advice for wlw and there is even chapter for allies.
I was his assistant, and I can confirm that when it comes to straight up pick-up (pulling, one night stands, making crazy things happen, etc.) that he is very good. And from actually going out and coaching with him, I can confirm that all his footage is real. I have spent time with a lot of people in this industry, and found that the quality of one's online videos does not always reflect the quality of the bootcamp experience that you would have with them. People often pay more for certain instructors but actually receive less value in the end. But in Max's case, he always cared about the student's progress and would actually demonstrate and be successful in front of them (many other coaches don't actually do this). We never had anyone request a refund. Julien also gives very good bootcamp programs.
That being said, I would recommend rounding out your understanding, mindset and inner game along with the practical skills that he teaches. That was my goal when I wrote my book. I recommend applying the practical skills that he teaches, but to do so while coming from more of an internal "Mark Manson" type of place.
10 Great Dates
Fireproof my Marriage
Focus on the Family
The Dove Foundation
Plugged In
Thriving Family
Desiring God - The Single Person's Good Desire for Sex
Bible Teacher's Guide: Building Foundations For A Godly Marriage: A Pre-Marriage, Marriage Counseling Study
Grace to You sermons on Family
Truth For Life sermons on Marriage, Parenting, & Sexuality
Boundaries in Marriage & Dating
There is no such thing as normal. Even normal people are pretty screwed up it just takes some time to figure it out.
Kissing is pretty straightforward. Whoever she is will teach you. There is lots of online guidance on all of these topics. Some of it is even useful :-)
Performing in the bedroom is a problem you can kick down the road a ways as you have to find somebody first. If you want to do some hookups to get better at being physical with women, go ahead; but I think sex will work much better for you with someone you've spent more time with.
There are books on many of these topics. Some can be quite useful. I read a book on body language a few years back, followed the guidance and did really well almost immediately despite being pretty useless before. This is that book: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Signals-Practical-Language-Courtship/dp/0312315066/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1345740030&sr=1-1&keywords=love+signals
[I'm so autistic when it comes to social skills that I need to research the topics so that I can develop some skills. This book really worked.]
A favorite memory: A woman spotted me in a restaurant, then called the place to get the maitre d to hand me a note "Call me" with her name and number on it.
You can have a relationship without burdening your partner with your issues, that's what your therapist/pdoc is for. Try it then try it again. Don't worry about failing. Most of us need plenty of practice until we find someone who works for us.
And you can always look at it this way. Many women like to take on men with problems and try to fix them. Some of your weaknesses could even end up being strengths.
Please get out there and give it a try.
I have a lot of sympathy for you - I have struggled with loneliness and hating not having a girlfriend and a feeling of having missed out in my early 20s. I've had some success though and managed to improve things a lot so I'll give some suggestions.
Women don't want to date you because you don't have characteristics that are attractive to them. From the way you describe it it sounds like you think there is something fundamentally wrong with you. This doesn't make sense - women aren't looking at some label in your soul that says 'fundamentally unattractive' and rejecting you. They're looking at a bundle of characteristics most of which you can improve.
So what can you do?
First, work on your mental health. Mental health influences everything else - how you come across, how motivated you will be to improve your situation, and how happy you will be when you're alone. Go to a therapist (and keep trying therapists if the first one isn't helpful). See a doctor to discuss treatment such as antidepressants. Read 'feeling good' (on depression) and 'when panic attacks' (on anxiety) by David Burns. Keep trying - mental health is a complicated beast and you have to keep experimenting to find what works.
Second, learn to be ok alone. I know this is exactly the opposite of what you want to hear and I ignored this advice for a long time. There are a few problems with not being ok with being alone. First is that you'll be unhappy when you're alone - and it's very possible to actually enjoy yourself a lot. Also, if you're not ok with being alone, women will detect your desperation and find it unattractive. And finally, not being ok with being alone fucks up your relationships when you're in them. I've constantly had problems in relationships with being too anxious and unassertive because I was afraid of losing the relationship. You've got it backwards, you don't need to solve the relationship problem in order to solve the self image problem you have. It is exactly the reverse - solving the self-image problem is the first step to solving the relationship problem.
So how do you do this? Go read the first 4 chapters of Intimate Connections, by David Burns (I'm a bit of a burns fan). There is a pdf here. He is a therapist and psychology researcher, and struggled with women early in his life so he knows what he's talking about. And do what he recommends about spending time alone. I've followed his advice for the last few months as well as getting therapy and my perspective has changed enormously. I've tried doing lots of things alone and really loved it whereas before I thought I never could. I'd still like a girlfriend but it's no longer this all-encompassing desperate need. And this isn't some kind of self deceptive trick where I'm ignoring what I really want, I've genuinely learnt that being alone is okay and I can be happy.
Third, build attractive characteristics. There are a bunch of characteristics that women tend to find attractive such as: fitness, creativity, intelligence, social skills, humour, etc. The great thing about these characteristics is that it's fun to build them and make life better independent of the fact that there are attractive. To learn more about this read the book Mate and listen to the accompanying podcast where they go into a lot of detail on advice. Unlike most dating advice, the advice in the book is by a psychologist and is based on scientific research.
Fourth, be more social and meet women. There's lots of advice on this in the above book and podcast but the basic idea is do things that you enjoy that involve women and get to know them.
A few other tips:
Some other books that I've found helpful:
Good luck! This is a tough, long journey, but one that's incredibly rewarding.
If you are unsure about boundaries I would totally recommend the Boundaries book. I am reading the Boundaries in Marriage and find it to be so so helpful!! I grew up in a home that basically didn’t have boundaries so the book it a really good education on what you need to do for yourself in a relationship and basically teaching what boundaries are, and why you need them.
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Updated-Expanded-When-Control/dp/0310351804/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?keywords=boundaries&qid=1563234439&s=gateway&sr=8-1
Or the one for dating
https://www.amazon.com/Boundaries-Dating-Healthy-Choices-Relationships/dp/0310200342/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?keywords=boundaries&qid=1563234482&s=gateway&sr=8-5
Her book, The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance: A Memoir, is a great read. I'd highly recommend it if you enjoyed this piece.
Go thou and read every single advice column from Ask A Queer Chick. She gives phenomenal advice.
Ooh, she has a book now...
Congratulations on recognizing that you need help and deserve better than that! I'm going though a very similar situation. After I was cheated on, I struggled with self-image and setting boundaries for myself. It's really easy to feel like you aren't good enough after someone cheats on you and can really mess with your head. One thing that has been helping is that i made a small goal every day of something that would make me proud of myself. It could be really small like: I will register to vote or I will drink more water throughout the day. At first it was difficult to think of positive things about my day. After a couple of weeks of this my outlook changed. I was feeling more gratitude than depression and I was slowly accomplishing things that were meaningful to me.
If you find reading helpful, there were a few groups that helped after i left an abusive relationship. I'm assuming you're a woman but if I'm incorrect, please disregard most of my list of book suggestions.
These books really helped me get on track with learning how stand up for myself and find the relationship I deserve:
1 The Nice Girl Syndrome this book is an interesting look at the gender dynamic and how society tells girls to be compliant and quiet instead teaching them to set of setting firm boundaries.
2. [How to Spot a Dangerous Man] (https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0897934474/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1475170298&sr=8-1&pi=SY200_QL40&keywords=how+you+spot+a+dangerous+a+man&dpPl=1&dpID=51qLu6M10CL&ref=plSrch) It certainly has an interesting title. This is not a man-hating book at all. It just shows what abusers, addicts or emotional predators look like and how to avoid them to find the good guys out there.
3.Boundaries This book is great for anyone. It helps you recognize your rights and teaches how to set boundaries in your life. Learning how to have this control was essential in my recovery.
Stay strong.
I read your post but I only have a few minutes before my next meeting so that's why the quick book mention...
Sounds like you might have issues with boundaries. There is a big difference between giving in a loving relationship and being overly adaptive in an unhealthy way.
You might consider Boundaries in Dating.
currently reading this and I've found it quite enlightening
A lot of people consciously/subconsciously want an excuse to exploit other people, and the easiest way is often to think of them as objects not people.
For sex:
For power:
For conquest:
For meaning:
For varying personal reasons:
>Video games, junk food and porn. But no attempt at ever forming a romance, no dating, no online dating.
You've developed a very nasty habit, and you need to rewire your brain. This can be done, but you'll need some will power to overcome this. James Clear's book, Atomic Habits does a good job explains how habits form and how you can change them.
If you're watching porn, stop it right now - it's ruining your life.
> The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.
The Iron and the Soul
First thing is first, how often are you going to the gym? You can't have a healthy mind if you don't have a healthy body. How are you training? Are you doing 5X5? Are you on 5-3-1? Start learning the basic lifts, I recommend you start with 5X5 for one month to get the techniques down, then move on to something like 5-3-1 or Grey Skulls, the r/fitness wiki is a gold mine of information. Learning how to do this properly (with the right diet) will change your life. Try the Boring But Big 3-Month Challenge.
We're sexual beings, it's important for our physical and mental well being to have a healthy sex life. If you're terrified of talking to women then you might need to start with the basics, look up this or this. Cheesy pick up techniques don't work, so don't waste any time or money on learning them. The key here is to know yourself, what you want and be honest (most people don't know what they want).
Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity
How often do you socialize with friends and peers? Do you have someone to talk to, to air your problems to, to bounce ideas off? We're social creatures and having a good social group is part of a healthy lifestyle.
Cobra Kai - ...the method of fighting your pansy ass generation desperately needs.
Tyler Durden on Life
The Three Things We All Need for a Happy Life: Someone to love. Something to do. Something to look forward to.
Fundamentals of Female Dynamics
Even if they are taken, life will never give you what you want, should be able to go for it, just master the seduction skills to enable you take any girl, besides every beautiful girl just has some guys after her, if you interested in making your game better go for this http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0758W2TC7
https://www.amazon.com/Playing-Fair-Nonmonogamy-Thorntree-Fundamentals-ebook/dp/B074WDQCSM/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=nonmonogamy+for+men&qid=1553709907&s=gateway&sr=8-1
Playing Fair: A Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men into Women. Guess I can start here.
I think this is what you are looking for :
https://www.amazon.com/Trial-Transform-Dating-Eight-Weeks-ebook/dp/B06XV14VDN/ref=mt_kindle?_encoding=UTF8&me=
I encourage each and every one of my friends to go to premarital counseling, and do any of them do it? Nope. It's stupid that so much is put into the ceremony and reception and not the actual relationship. I wish premarital counseling would become a popular wedding trend like mason jars and sand ceremonies. If you can't afford it you can get a book like Intellectual Foreplay.
To some people, it is.
And the female equivalent.
This is new one at Amazon Kindle specially for women
https://www.amazon.com/Relationships-Boyfriend-Principles-Girlfriend-Marriage-ebook/dp/B06Y48MY8C
Sure do! I just bought this one for my teen daughter: Ask a Queer Chick: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life for Girls Who Dig Girls
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0147516781/ref=cm_sw_r_sms_awdb_t1_88hKBb46XZN8C
Love Signals by Dr. David Givens. It's an extraordinary look at nonverbal communication and how we signal attraction, from the first (seemingly) accidental gaze to the signs that women are ready to make love. It has definitely helped me recognize behaviors not just in dating but in business, making deals, etc.
Oh well if you had said yes then I would have told you to better improve yourself and things like that since college is very different than high school, but I completely understand your situation. However, it's still not over. There are still plenty of things that you can do to get girls. First off, just know to be yourself and try to better improve yourself. For example, your social skills. Then try to use some dating apps/websites to find some girls that you're into. There is a book that I have heard is very good if you want to be in a relationship with somebody. Here's the link: https://www.amazon.com/Mate-Become-Man-Women-Want/dp/B01LTHXJVE. Please don't take this as an offensive or anything like that. I'm just trying to help you that's it!
Reading your post, the situation that you described feels immensely similar with I felt when me(M) and my SO(F) begun exploring the idea of nonmonogamy.
For me was (and sometimes continues to be) difficult letting go some societal norms that us, men, are biased to believe that are true. I'm a kind of protective guy, and was troubled by the possibility of other guy not respect her — or treat her well — like I do. But as u/twinkleztar put, in different manner, we need to work towards understand your autonomy and agency to choose and protect yourself. I don't know if you let him participate in the process of choosing your partners could help — I don't participate and don't like this approach, but this is for my specific case, for example.
Another issue that troubled me had more relation with my insecurities and self-esteem — and for us various of these issues are reflected by how we are seen by other men, or how our sense of 'masculine' was built. Again, many gender norms predates how we see ourselves and how we relate with women in general.
When my SO revealed that she was interested in some colleague of her, and fucking him, whereas we already 'did the nonmonogamy talk', I felt emasculated and, for some extent, being in a second plane. Society tells that, for us, when 'our girls' fucks other guy, we are in some form a 'inferior' man. But we reached a point where both of us desired, after all, that was the time to happen, and she went and fuck her colleague. Was difficult, there were problems and was a rolle coaster of emotions for me, but we grew stronger after this.
I find useful, as a man, to work towards strengthen my self-esteem, confidence, and nurture a more healthy vision of masculinity that not is based in preconceived notions of property of other body or 'soul', and to guarantee the free agency of my SO.
Finally, some resources I find useful (besides some of already cited in this thread):
Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
Is extremely useful for both of you design what kind of deals could work for you
Polyamory and Jealousy: A More Than Two Essentials Guide
Specific for jealousy, offers valuable tools for dealing with it
The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships
Another precious resource
Playing Fair: A Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men into Women
This is specific for men dealing with diverse situations in nonmonogamy
My fav
No More Mr. Nice Guy https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004C438CW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_nCRIBb1TKJEZT
The Natural: How to Effortlessly Attract the Women You Want https://www.amazon.com/dp/0062089803/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_kDRIBbSN7X16R
http://www.thetaoofbadass.com
These three books changed me 180 degrees.
The journey of loving yourself begins with making sure that you're not thinking horrible thoughts about yourself. What you think will determine how you feel. It might sound silly but learning how to talk positively to yourself and treating yourself like you would your own best friend really does help. Take a look online (search things like positive self-talk, positive body image, building self-esteem and self-confidence, goal setting etc.) or pick up a few of these books from the library to begin.
The Self-Esteem Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Build Confidence and Achieve Your Goals
https://www.amazon.com/Self-Esteem-Workbook-Teens-Activities-Confidence/dp/1608825825/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8
The following books will help you to know what relationship boundaries to set early on and how to know whether a guy is really into you for the right reasons. I feel as though every young woman should be required to read these books -- especially those that struggle with self-love. I wished I would have read them much earlier in my life. I would have saved myself some heartache!
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment.
https://www.amazon.com/Act-Like-Lady-Think-Relationships-ebook/dp/B001NLL89M/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1503791606&sr=1-1&refinements=p_27%3ASteve+Harvey
(This next book sounds like it encourages you to be nasty but I've read it and it's all about having good boundaries in relationships. It's not about being some crazy psycho, ok?)
Why Men Marry Bitches: Expanded New Edition - A Guide for Women Who Are Too Nice
https://www.amazon.com/Why-Men-Marry-Bitches-Expanded-ebook/dp/B01N9JOSTQ/ref=pd_sim_351_5?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=EMAE900BKGM5D9PSW9TJ
A good therapist can help you but, just as Mirawenya mentioned, you do have to talk to a few before finding one who is a good fit for you. Some therapists have a sliding scale for payment so the less you make, the less you have to pay. Just keep in mind that a lot of the work has to be done by you anyway so start to do some research online and read. That might be enough for you.
I am not Blackdragon nor am I affiliated with him. I haven't read the book myself. He does have one of those books on amazon with reviews: https://www.amazon.com/Unchained-Man-Alpha-Happy-Better/dp/098622202X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1502379176&sr=8-1&keywords=unchained+man
& read this book
https://www.amazon.com/Tactical-Guide-Women-Manage-Marriage/dp/0990686442?sa-no-redirect=1&pldnSite=1
I guarantee you still have things you've yet to talk about!
http://www.amazon.com/Intellectual-Foreplay-Questions-Lovers-Be/dp/0897932773
My soon-to-be wife (more 12 days) and I spent many months discussing stuff from this book.
We also found a lot to talk about after meeting the weekly meetings with a foccus facilitator.
There's always discussing the news or picking up a shared hobby or even discussing memes from reddit!
Elna is great. Her book, The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance, is really funny.
I would say you should try to develop and write down a set of healthy boundaries.
EX/
If you don't want to tell anyone, then you don't have to. If you want to tell your partner after X amount of months, then you can decide then if you would like to.
No one is entitled to your personal information if you do not want to share it. If you do want to share that you have PTSD but do not want to share why, you can say something like "I have PTSD from ____ trauma but I do not care to explain why because it's hard for me to talk about", if they do not respect that you don't want to talk further about it and try to push you into telling them, then they are not worth being around because they do not respect you.
Easier said than done, it takes practice but if you do decide to try it out, you'll get the hang of it in no time.
It helps a lot to write out each individual boundary so that you can refer back to where you wrote it down and remind yourself when you question what you should be doing.
Hope this helps! :)
Boundaries After a Pathological Relationship Paperback – January 12, 2016
by Adelyn Birch (Author)
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1523368829/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
This post made me think of this book which was getting a bit of publicity in the past few years.
The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance: A Memoir
Here's a book that's taught me almost everything I know on how to find an awesome relationships. After I read this book I went on a few dozen dates with lots of different girls and finally settled on just one recently. http://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Date-Worth-Keeping/dp/0310262658/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1411624745&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+find+a+date+worth+keeping
This Book
This book changed my life. Before I read this book, I had never had a healthy relationship. It changed my entire approach to dating. Now I am in a 100% healthy and loving relationship, I have never been happier, and I am able to make the girl I am with happier than I have ever made anyone.
Also, if I can give you some advice. If you aren’t good at talking to women, it is a learned skill. You have to put yourself out there. Just start talking to girls, guys, anyone! Start a conversation, keep it going, try and make them smile, compliment them. It gets easier. You will embarrass yourself, feel awkward, be laughed at by others and this will last not just for a day, but for months, a year, or maybe longer until one day you are a very social person, not awkward at all, and people genuinely love to talk and be around you. Being that kind of person opens up many more possibilities on your dating options. If you don’t have a problem with that, disregard that entire last paragraph and read the book!
Maybe this book at Amazon will help you to understand the girls. Tips for dating are listed there
Find things you're interested in (Books? Theater? Music? Whatever floats your boat) and look for guys in those circles (book clubs, intimate concert venues, etc.) - there will be Christian men among them. But if you put Christian at the top of your list, probably only church and some Christian dating site will work. I'd suggest you read (or listen to) Henry Cloud's How To Get A Date Worth Keeping.
Oh I typed all this for you my dude but these dastardly bullies caused you to delete it.
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Hope it benefits you or another ENTP stoner:
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What caught my eye was the Myers-Briggs test: I also (usually) test ENTP. Just wanted to say I think the Reddit subs seem to do it a serious disservice:
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A) It is a management tool. It is not meant to enable some rando's life as a lovable eccentric. You should be shoring up the weaknesses it shows, not jerking off to how creative you think you are (not that you can stop yourself amirite? Ha!), and
B) It is not a tarot card reading of your soul. I get profiled regularly, by professionals, using whatever method is in vogue at that moment and while I absolutely see the value in the tests, it is limited, it is contextual and it will vary over time.
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It is not so much "revealing" your personality as a prediction of how your behavior will manifest in a given context. MB being particularly general. For example, all my ENTP result tells me is that RIGHT NOW, I likely have too many projects going on and/or am managing my time poorly.
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So based on your results, I would recommend you get out of your comfort zone and focus on active productivity exercises. Far from being something unsuited to you: they are likely just what you need. Anytime I dial this in tight, my life has a night and day improvement.
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7 Habits is the granddaddy of course.
Unchained Man has a great time management system. Actually he refers back to Covey's 7 habits and explains why and how he updated the principle for a digital era. The rest isn't "bad" but its pretty standard 4HWW/TRP/Digital nomad type stuff. You could literally read Chapters 8-11 and get a great deal of benefit.
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4HWW fuck I hate this book. And it's probably dangerous for lazy fucks. But Ferriss has nuggets of good advice on productivity and time management.
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More conceptual reading:
Do the Work;
The War of Art;
The Power of Habit;
Rework;
On Form - some tips, although heavily weighted to glorify salaryman life;
One Minute Manager;
Extreme Ownership has helped a lot of dudes here. Personally I despise wading through the military waffle for two or three pages of content but the message of owning every aspect of your life and not accepting low standards from yourself or others is good (Hint: that means after you quit weed, (after a reasonable interval) you can and should expect your lazy wife to too).
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Corporations have invested a great deal of time and money in training me but honestly most of the valuable things I implement are on that list.
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Atomic Habits is on my current reading list. Check out this post (and comments) with some concepts from it.
I just picked up Pure by Linda Kay Klein from the library. I haven't read it yet, but it about the Evangelical Christian world's purity movement.
The Mormon church has a pamphlet it gives to kids 12 and up called "For the Strength of Youth" which talks about their dress/appearance guidelines (big on modesty. The r/exmormon community likes to joke about porn shoulders because bare shoulders are extremely scandalous.), dating, and sexual purity. They are interviewed regularly by their bishop (basically pastor of their congregation) to gauge their worthiness and they are asked if they keep those standards. I wish I knew of some books about the subject, how this affects them, but there has been TONS of chatter online esp recently. This American Life did an episode about it. Oh and Elna Baker, who is on that episode has a book called "The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance." It's been years since I've read it, so I don't know that it would apply, but she talks on This American Life about how she still feels huge amounts of guilt anytime she has sex.
Also, it seems like this is when i go for this book http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0758W2TC7. * The girl won't be what you want but to be honest with themselves and each other.
I'd recommend Mastering The Game, edges out Models in that in has a lot more examples/stories/research
https://www.amazon.com/Master-Game-Practical-Abundant-Dating-ebook/dp/B06XV14VDN
I would NOT recommend the game. Causes more distortions about what game than it clears it. It was good to read in 2005 just to show that it's possible. But now we have more than enough infields to show that it's possible.
Here is an interesting book for you all to consider.
Allow me to quote one of the user reviews:
> "The Rules", for those fortunate enough to have avoided the book until now, is an instruction manual telling how women can/should trick alpha males into marriage through withdrawal and manipulation.
https://www.amazon.com/product-reviews/098622202X/ref=acr_dpx_see_all?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=1
unchained man
Read this book op
It gives step by step tips on how to attract and date men looking for real relationships
https://www.amazon.com/Dont-Love-Women-Like-Relationships/dp/0692594353
By posting on Reddit ;) JK. This is something that I have been struggling with too, as my church is in a small town and everyone is over 50 and constantly asking me why I'm not married yet. It's great! But, just try to find a young adult group at another church, or just go to other events at other churches. Go online and see if other churches around you have young adult groups. But here's a book that's a really really great resource: How To Get A Date Worth Keeping: Be Dating In Six Months Or Your Money Back https://www.amazon.com/dp/0310262658/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_w7K-AbRXVQJD7
Like, I know that the title seems really sketch. Like really sketch. Like I almost didn't read it just because the title is dumb. But, it makes some really good points and is super helpful. I highly recommend it. And it approaches dating from a Christian point of view. Hope this helps
I personally think that you should appreciate women's beauty, however I feel that catcalling would be unnecessary i didn't see any approach done "right", i actually feel that people, specially men should learn some social dynamics specially towards talking to the opposite sex, and by this i don't mean learn pick up and fuck as many girls as possible and shit like that, but because I feel that its important to be able to connect with women in a way. I feel that a lot of rapes, and sexual frustration, and probably prostitution is because men want an easy way out, and don't want to put in the work to approach women, and now you could even go online dating if you don't like it but i think that men become more aware of how to deal with this certain situation, I am working on myself to be able to approach a girl and give her a genuine compliment and to mean it because I say it and say it because I mean it, not to get attention that just because by catcalling people I 'prove im manly' they come off as needy and shit.
Although I feel that people, specially women, if you learned some pick up or rather some more sociability they see that as ungenuine and even more chumpy, but the counter argument i would say is they are not being genuine either, they use make up and they are manipulating their appearance to look more attractive and in a way is manipulating me to think better of them, I am against some of the principles of pick up but the dating science isn't wrong, but its on the right path. I personally think that, like in my case, if you know you suck with women, and you don't want to be in a path of crappiness and neediness, via using prostitution to get laid or roofing people to get laid or rather rape girls, or vast usage of porn, I would say that its good.
I personally would recommend reading Models by Mark Manson because the book is really fucking awesome and it would make you a better man, and perhaps reading the 'further reading' books from that book help you understand the mating system of humans, and to become a better man. I think the book itself is actually really good because it states more than just to get laid is to find quality women to be fullfillled and be more happier with women, and in a way is actually attacking the dating science in a way by attacking The Mystery Method which all pick up could be summed up by that single book. In a way I would recommend both and take the best from both because neither of them is 'wrong' but niether one of them is 'right'. I do agree with Manson's idea of confidence and working in yourself more than in women and being sexualy fulllfilled doesn't require large amounts of women, while I also agree with Mystery's focus on competence vs. confidence because he says that you can't quantify confidence and rather focus on number of approaches and really statistics because that shows competence and successful competence breeds confidence eventually but in a way Manson's idea is better, because he is coming from a place of abundance of women and general happiness, is like saying being 'good' with women is something you are and not do and your looks, money demographics and ect does matter in the equation, over mystery's idea which is coming from neediness, because he refers as girls having 'high value' and by that you are infering that you aren't enough for her so you have to in a way manipulate yourself into making her thinking you are 'good enough' so that it doesn't matter if you look like a fucking troll no matter what if your 'game' is 'tight' it doesn't matter what even if the girl is married or anything really, she will sleep with you and that isn't the case, because mysetery uses a lot of indirect and 'fool proof' tactics that are more convoluted than just expressing your intent and if it doesn't work out move on asap, I'd say that take the best they both are right, and both concepts are correct but im leaning more the natural no scripts type of things and just being freeforming it.
I'd recommend both people getting those two books and they will change your life or at least make you think better and be more aware of how to flirt better. And perhaps reading Double your Dating by David DeAngelo, this one focuses more on dating girls and setting up and getting exposure to women over, is focused on both competence and confidence, and in a more natural way. I'd say get them, you can torrent them if you are so cheap, but defenitely read up on them and see what comes out of it.
So defenitely get Models by mark manson and Mystery Method because you can get a really clear picture on the subject of picking up women, and Double your Dating by David D just the simple ebook don't dig too much into it.
other books, I heard of them, and read some reviews on amazon and they seem to have really good reviews but I haven't gotten them or read them but they seem legit too.
Bang by roosh V
Day bang by roosh v
The manual by W. Anton
the Natural by richard la ruina
Get inside her by Marni Kinrys
they all seem like good resources to start and move on from there... and work on specific sticking point, but i'd say don't believe everything use them as guidelines and not as rules, and take them with a pinch of salt. the reason for this was because when I read the Mystery Method, it was well argued and every contingency is planned for, that I couldn't really find fault with the method, And so I believed all the "high value" bullshit that i fucking felt that i needed to one up everybody and that isn't the case, i was able to rescue myself from that mindset by Models, and I really thought it was genuine and it doesn't rely on too much bullshit and is more natural there is no one upping bullshit. I am not preching seduction community but i feel men should know what they are doing, specially if they suck like me, and be just more aware of things.
Perhaps i'd also reccomend
Gifts of Imperfection by Breene Brown since this book really digs somewhat on the self acceptance/self worth/self esteem part and what pick up artist would call 'inner game' ...
I'd say pick whatever books you want to BUT STOP reading too much into it, i became too paranoid and wanted to read every book on pick up out there and that is not the case guys, hope i helped.
TLDR--read books, become aware, know better, don't be a creep but don't be chump either, get informed guys know your shit,
Indeed, there's a book, 'Guerilla Dating Tactics' (whoa! it's certainly worth $0.01 + shipping) - it's pretty good; written by a woman, but has psychology and pretexts and .. it's good. I haven't used its advice yet because I'm too .. timid, but it is indeed guerilla and ice-cutting. And not exploitative.