(Part 3) Best parenting & relationship books according to redditors
We found 2,138 Reddit comments discussing the best parenting & relationship books. We ranked the 762 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 41-60. You can also go back to the previous section.
There are lots of studies linking screen time to developmental delays and behavior problems, especially when screen time is introduced as the higher brain functions are ‘wiring up’ (before age 3).
An excellent read that goes in depth through multiple studies and meta-analyses is Bright from the Start. If you want a more detailed breakdown of why screentime is detrimental I suggest picking up this book.
Some of the more robust research shows negative effects on attention span, weight gain, emotional variance (higher highs and lower lows), and aggression/frustration.
The big thing to remember is that an infant or young child doesn’t have the same brain function you, as an adult, wield. In fact our brains don’t really reach ‘maturity’, or full development until into our twenties. Screen time has been shown to have an effect on HOW a young brain wires itself, changing the structure and later development.
Imagine you are building a brick wall and you lay every brick on the first layer evenly, except one brick in the middle. That one brick is an early developmental issue. It’s not such a big issue at first but as you lay down more layers of bricks, each new layer has more and more uneven bricks, until at the end you have a large deformation in your wall. This is the type of effect an early developmental deviation can have on the later adult.
We have a tendency to overlook the detrimental effect our screens have on our own dispositions (imagine being away from your phone or computer for a month) and our neurological wiring is already fairly set in stone. We haven’t evolved with our technology, it just sprang up suddenly in the recent past and we’ve had to adjust to it. We are really just figuring it out as we go, but one thing is becoming clearer: our children are not equipped for the task of parsing out what our screens bring into our lives.
Edit: spelling
The same way that these are:
Rush Revere and the First Patriots
Help! Mom! There are liberals under my bed!
Raising Boys Feminists Will Hate
My Parents Open Carry
It appears to be real
> Parent, if you have a young son and you want him to grow up to be a man, then you need to keep him away from pop culture, public school and a lot of Nancy Boy churches. If metrosexual pop culture, feminized public schools and the effeminate branches of evanjellycalism lay their sissy hands on him, you can kiss his masculinity good-bye because they will morph him into a dandy. Yeah, mom and dad, if – if – you dare to raise your boy as a classic boy in this castrated epoch, then you’ve got a task that’s more difficult than getting a drunk to hit the urinal at Chili’s. Read this bold and hard-hitting guide by Doug Giles, the politically incorrect master, on how to raise your son in a world which more and more seems to hate masculinity.
There are no words.
Sort of a partner in crime, back in the day. Thompson would wave a copy of Grossman's magnum opus around on various talk shows.
Marmakoide has been thorough, here is our experience, live.
Have our first 6 months old, living in UK, many people are asking us what we do right; we're not so sure.
We breastfed until 4mo, started solid about a month ago, pureed potato, brocoli, carrot, apple (introduced one at a time), no salt. Will move to chicken soon. One meal with solids a day so far.
She sits in high chair and is spoon fed ; lately she's able to grab the spoon to her mouth. No toy, no playing, same with bottles.
Apparently we let her complain more than others before we interven.
Many French moms report these praises of well behaved kids.
We made sure she was able to be by herself or with other people very soon. Knowing that we are not always nearby probably help her only call when there's an issue. So far it's kind of working.
Our British friends swear by bringing up bébé or [French children don't throw food](
https://www.amazon.co.uk/French-Children-Dont-Throw-Food/dp/0552779172/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=DYQFRN2DNTF1S7J9Q0KQ). Haven't read them.
It seems to me to boil down to "you're not the king of me". Treat your baby like a drunk friend, there are things you would do to help them, but there are points where they need to hear "now you're just being a dick!".
Oh, and no screens.
Bedtime routine is: around 8pm, put in bed in already dark room, the end. Maybe come by once to put the dummy back.
Edit: exception to no screen rule is Skype with grandparents.
Try to be confident in your decision. I know you want your mother's approval, but your own approval is more important. That confidence will tell her, who can likely read you better than anyone else on the planet, more than anything you can say or write.
I am sure the idea of poly took time to make sense for you, it will likely take longer for your mom to get comfortable with the idea. She will likely gain comfort from seeing you and your partner(s) interact lovingly rather than any amount of logic by text or phone.
You may want to send her a copy of this too: https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-Love-Polyamorous-Understanding/dp/0996460187
The author has books on polyamorus families also if that is the direction you folks are headed.
I am happy for you and wish you folks the very best of luck. <3
My kids aren't yet 2yr, and we don't spank, but I have a few ideas. First, it seems your son is seeking your attention (negative or positive) by acting the way he does. He now knows if he doesn't put his toys away, he'll get your attention. I have twins so they get to play with each other for part of the day, but if they are not sleeping they want/need attention from an adult. I used to try to get a bunch of chores done in the morning before I left for work. I found myself getting agitated that my boys wanted to be picked up or played with while I was doing the dishes or sweeping or whatever. So now I'll get most of that stuff done after they go to bed at night, so my mornings are way less stressful. I can give them the attention they want which negates the need for them to escalate bad behavior to get my attention. I'm in a better mood because they are in a better mood. Also when they do behave badly we do timeouts and try as best as possible to contain our anger( no yelling, just convey disappointment in a calm way) . It helps calm them down by being calm yourself. Also folding clothes can be a chore both of you can do together (it will be slow going, but he will be getting your attention while you get some work done.)
Also we don't negotiate with terrorists! If they want something and we say no, no amount of pleading/begging/ tantrums will get them what we said no to. They learn really quickly that dad/mom will capitulate if they just yell long enough, kick their feet, cry, etc. I used to be the lightweight/push over, not anymore. Never give in.
Check out the book, "The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child", from the library or order a used copy from Amazon. He has a lot of good ideas that could help. Good luck.
You might want to check out the following resources:
https://www.amazon.com/Jealousy-Workbook-Exercises-Insights-Relationships/dp/0937609633
https://www.amazon.com/JEALOUSY-SURVIVAL-GUIDE-secure-relationship-ebook/dp/B075ZN3YCC/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1519216854&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=the+jealousy+survival+guide
https://www.amazon.com/Polyamory-Jealousy-More-Essentials-Guide-ebook/dp/B01E0L4DAM/ref=pd_sim_351_1?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=J1F12H2VHG1SFKSCKVTS
Also, it's possible that in the long run you are just not suited to polyamory. I'd recommend giving it 6-12 months and working on it, but if you're still miserable in a year then I think you should cut your losses and find someone mono. I'd recommend this article: http://www.polyamorousmisanthrope.com/2008/01/07/you-dont-have-to-do-it/
>Read a book.
Okay then.
I bought some of these books and had them fill them out. Now I pick a story or two each time we get together and video record them telling the stories. I've learned so many cool things that I never would've about my parents. I used this one and another one that is a little shorter without daily entries. They make them for grandparents too, FYI.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1563834154/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_3?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER
edit: I got this one for my Grandmother since she's in her 80's and her handwriting isn't the best and there's a little less to write. There's a bunch of different types if you look around a bit. :) https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/144130262X/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o01_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
Seems relevant.
"Toddlers are beautiful, kind, and wonderful to people who are not in primary custody of them. There’s a reason toddlers are at their peak cuteness: it’s because nature knows that toddlerhood is when you are most likely to take your child to a public park and leave them there with a note that says, “I’m a little $hit and they couldn’t take it anymore.”"
In Sarah Hrdy's excellent book Mother Nature she talks about how, in the US, women are treated like second class citizens to the children they carry. A woman who gets an abortion is selfish, a woman who refuses cancer treatment to give birth is a heroine. She discusses how 'maternal instincts' are not as natural as many people believe and that it is quite normal and natural for a woman to place her own health first before that of any potential offspring. I've seen several of my friends, determined to have natural births, break down when that birth becomes impossible. I'll never forget arriving at the hospital bedside of one of my friends who went into labor at 34 weeks after she was induced due to complications. She was crying because she'd taken the epidural and she felt like a failure because of it. I reminded her that we are bipedal with big heads, and that childbirth is painful and dangerous to us. If a mother and her doctor decide she needs an epidural or a c-section that's what she needs and no one should judge her for it.
Throughout this pregnancy, I have done a lot to put my boys' health before my own as is my choice. However, I'm not carrying to or past 40 weeks, and I'm getting a c-section if I feel that is the best option for me and my boys. If I need an epidural, then I need an epidural. Unless someone is willing to carry, give birth, and nurse my babies for me, they have no fucking right to judge me on my choices.
I feel you. My daughter is about to be 5 months and it's very hard to get anything done. Of course I want her to get lots of love and attention, but I also want her to be able to handle me putting her down to take a dump or shower. Likewise, I started to feel like she wasn't spending enough time awake on her stomach and back figuring out to how to do things like roll over or sit up herself since she wants to sit or stand on us (with help), be on our lap, or be in carrier. From a gross motor skills/milestone standpoint this also seemed less then ideal.
I agree building the ability to play independently for short periods (at least) is something I want to foster in my baby. Just this week I read Elevating Child Care by Janet Lansbury (she also has a blog) who writes about RIE parenting a model in which you treat babies with respect and like they can understand. You also strive to build their confidence and competence and their ability to spend time confidently exploring themselves. While I don't agree with everything in her book (you never do) I liked a lot of it, it's a very fast read, and I think it could be a great perspective for you and your wife.
She specifically talks about setting some healthy boundaries even with your baby like Mommy needs to brush her teeth. Now, your baby's feelings are genuine - she's crying because she is upset and wants to be held. However, Lansbury would say it's okay for your baby to experience being upset sometimes if you are respectful, understanding, and all of their needs are met. You would say to "[baby name], I am going to go brush my teeth. I will be back in two minutes." If they cry, you might say "I know you don't want me to leave," or "You want to be held right now" or some sort of acknowledgement and name the feeling if you know it. But still, brush your teeth. Then when you are done hug and comfort baby. "You are so upset I left you to brush my teeth." The idea is that feelings are not wrong (don't "no" crying) but that even as a baby it's all right if they don't always get their way.
There's also good info on developing independent play time to help your wife get some stuff done.
Check out Bright From the Start, by Dr. Jill Stamm, co-founder of New Directions Institute for Infant Brain Development at Arizona State University.
Bright from the Start: The Simple, Science-Backed Way to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind from Birth to Age 3 https://www.amazon.com/dp/159240362X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_EAPCybQYA6Z71
I’m a big believer in The Kazdin Method by Dr Alan Kazdin PhD. He is the head of the Yale Parenting Clinic and head of Child Psychology at Yale University. He takes an evidence based approach and uses what’s been proven effective. The gist of his approach is: 1) focus on the positive opposite, in other words tell the child what you want them to do, 2) coach and practice the behavior with them in a non stressful environment and offer up specific, enthusiastic praise, 3) que them up to help set them up for success and 4) always offer specific and enthusiastic praise when they are performing the behavior.
For example, let’s say you want your child likes to run off around the house. Instead of telling your child to “stop running” you would use the positive opposite of “walking.” Once you’ve identified the behavior you want, you would take a minute to coach them on it when it isn’t stressful! allow them to practice, and praise them for walking. Throughout the day when you see them walking, praise it. If they’re running then you can que them up with “walking” and praise them when they comply. If they have a habit of running into the home when you get home, then you can que them up while you are pulling in, “remember that we walk inside the home...” and then praise when they walk. You can also utilize a “sticker chart” or when they get older a “checklist” to help, but praising is the important thing.
With regards to unwanted behaviors, his advocates for “extinction.” How do you extinguish a behavior? By not giving it any attention. Extinction, in and of itself, is not the strongest way to change a behavior, but when you couple it with reinforcement of the positive opposite, it can be a powerful tool. For example: just ignoring your child’s whining is not as effective as doing this but also being very alert to when your child makes a request, without whining, and saying “please”, and rewarding this accomplishment. Granted, you aren’t going to just ignore a child running with scissors, but hopefully you get the idea.
You would really need to be on the same page with your SO for any strategy to work, because you definitely don’t want to send conflicting messages. If you have an unhealthy and/or abusive relationship with an SO then I would suspect there are bigger issues that need to be addressed and professional help will be required to help any child process it.
You've already made the first step, deciding to homeschool / unschool. I'm very proud that my children have never spent a day in government indoctrination centers.
Start looking up the homeschooling laws in your state now. If your state laws are tough on homeschooling, then start planning a move to a homeschool friendly state now, I would suggest New Hampshire!
Find a local homeschool group to be involved in. If you're religious, the options are pretty good. If not, it is tougher to find a secular group in some areas (like the Memphis area we used to live in). The support and friendships in these kinds of groups are a big help.
The biggest thing to keep in mind is that homeschooling is one sacrifice after another. We sacrifice my wife's salary, which would be substantial. We sacrifice the benefit of our tax dollars going to schools for other children. We sacrifice paying money on events and stuff we would get for free if our kids were in the system. But, the sacrifices are worth every penny.
Also, this book was a big help to my wife: https://www.amazon.com/Children-Learn-Classics-Child-Development/dp/0201484048/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1473526899&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=john%20holt%20unschooling
Just a little protip: for reddit use, trim your URLs to the simplest form that works (http://www.amazon.com/dp/159240362X/) and/or link readable text (like this) so your formatting isn't hideous and it doesn't take a moment to check whether you're spamming us for Amazon referrals.
Whether or not you're going all the way to homeschooling or finding alternatives such as Montessori or Waldorf, here's my two cents as well. Read up on it. I'll probably come off as bit of an ass, but it's your kid, what more relevance do you need to find and buy lots and lots of manuals(so to speak). Kids're pretty complicated, or so I've heard.
I'm not an expert, but I have a few titles I'll promptly lay on whatever friend of mine starts to procreate first. In my opinion these aren't 'crazy' books, and I sincerely hope you'll take them seriously.
How Children Learn
How Children Fail
Punished By Rewards
The Homework Myth
John Taylor Gatto has written some stuff as well, but Google can find that for you. Read and read more. I couldn't begin to describe my time in the famous twelve years without plenty of cussing.
Take an interest, is my advice.
If you look at meta as added value for your partner, something that simply increases his happiness, and know it's nothing against relationship between you both - you should be fine :). Both of you are in that happy position that you mutually care about each other, respect your freedom, and don't try to enforce or forbid anything. In my opinion it's absolutely wonderful way to love another person, so... just enjoy what you have :).
If you're looking for a good quick read specifically about jealousy, there's an excerpt from More Than Two separately published as Polyamory and Jealousy - quick read, 30 pages, definitively worth looking at. But I'd recommend getting MTT, too - it covers wide range of mechanics and situations you might encounter when being close more than 1 partner. You can find useful tips about building healthy hierarchical relationships there, too.
3 out of 4 SIDS cases are actually the mother deliberately smothering the infant.
Maternal infanticide has been observed in both humans and primates, across cultures and classes.
Where gender is concerned, at risk of being smothered are boys born to low-status women, and girls born to high-status women.
A blog on this topic by Brad.
(Not actually my opinion).
Playing violent video games consistently for a prolonged period of time does cause aggressive behavior (in children aged 10 - 16).
In Grand Theft Childhood, Lawrence Kutner and Cheryl K. Olsen, the authors, found that middle school children who had played at least one game rated 'Mature' were over one and a half times more likely to have hit or beat up a classmate than those who did not. Several studies in both the United States and Japan have shown that, controlling for prior aggression, children who played more violent video games during the beginning of the school year showed more aggression than their peers later in the school year. A 2005 FBI report includes playing violent video games in a list of behaviors associated with school shootings.
How many more of these links will have to be made before we realize the impact of what we teach our children - whose minds are moldable and have such great potential...for both good and evil. It is our responsibility, not only as concerned citizens of this great nation, but also as neighbors, and teachers, and friends to take a stand.
The negative effects of video games are generally caused by a multitude of nuanced factors at work when younger teens play violent games. I will approach two of these from a psychological lens b.c. lazy and time.
(1) Operant conditioning
Operant conditioning, sometimes referred to as instrumental learning, is a method of learning that occurs through rewards and punishments for behavior. It encourages the subject to associate pleasure (positive) or displeasure (negative) with the type of behavior.
Several studies have shown that violent video games cause players to associate pleasure and happiness with the ability to cause pain in others.
In fact, video games often reward players for simulating violence, and thus enhance the learning of violent behaviors. Studies suggest that when violence is rewarded in video games, players exhibit increased aggressive behavior compared to players of video games where violence is punished.
Playing violent video games causes the development of aggressive behavioral scripts. A behavioral script is developed from the repetition of actions and affects the subconscious mind. An example of a common behavioral script is a driving script that tells drivers to get in a vehicle, put on a seat belt, and turn on the ignition. Similarly, violent video games can lead to scripts that tell youth to respond aggressively in certain situations. Violence in video games may lead to real world violence when scripts are automatically triggered in daily life, such as being nudged in a school hallway.
This is especially potent for the age group we are discussing as children are more likely to confuse fantasy violence with real world violence, and without a framework for ethical decision making, they may mimic the actions they see in violent video games.
Violent video games require active participation, repetition, and identification with the violent character. With new game controllers allowing more physical interaction, the immersive and interactive characteristics of video games can increase the likelihood of youth violence. This immersion only cements the negative effects of operant conditioning that have always been present.
(2) Desensitization
Violent video games desensitize players to real-life violence. This is generally because it is common for victims in video games to disappear off screen when they are killed or for players to have multiple lives. This reinforces in the players, in a subconscious sense, the low worth of human life.
Violent video games further teach youth that violence is an acceptable conflict-solving strategy and an appropriate way to achieve one's goals. A 2009 study found that youth who play violent video games have lower belief in the use of nonviolent strategies and are less forgiving than players of nonviolent video games.
In a 2005 study, violent video game exposure was linked to the reduction of P300 amplitudes in the brain. The P300 (P3) wave is related to the process of decision making. It is considered to be an endogenous potential, as its occurrence links not to the physical attributes of a stimulus, but to a person's reaction to it. More specifically, the P300 is thought to reflect processes involved in stimulus evaluation or categorization. Source. These are crucial for teenage decision making processes and lessening of them can have disastrous effects.
Finally, exposure to violent video games is linked to lower empathy in players. In a 2004 study of 150 fourth and fifth graders by Professor Jeanne Funk, violent video games were the only type of media associated with lower empathy. Empathy, the ability to understand and enter into another's feelings, plays an important role in the process of moral evaluation and is believed to inhibit aggressive behavior.
Elevating Childcare is what I started with.
She also has a blog/website with lots of great resources.
Having tried this experiment today, I listened and took the back roads to the library. On the way, I saw a herd of goats, a lone 20-some year old walking on the road, (super rare) and got the sense that he didn't need help so I drove past. Then, I walk into the library, and see this book on [The Self Aware Universe]
(https://www.amazon.com/Self-Aware-Universe-Consciousness-Creates-Material/dp/0874777984) on the 'free' community shelf, so I snagged it. Usually it's romantic novels and other garbage literature littering the shelves.
I got talking with the pregnant librarian, due on Labor Day, about how much more she loves sex since getting pregnant. I told her to look up orgasmic birth. Some women can make their experience pleasurable, apparently. The librarian said she wanted to look it up before, but now she will. Totally unexpected talk with the librarian.
At storytime, they handed out Scholastic books, free for the kids, alongside with McDufus coupons for free meals and frozen dairy desserts on sugar wafer receptacles. I'm appalled at the corporatization and co-opting of our public libraries. Soon, the "mechanics" section will be sponsored by Bob Deere, and the cooking section by Sally Lee, and the kids section you have to enter through golden arches of despair...
---------
My biggest surprise sycn was when an ex-boyfriend from 15 years ago called me shortly after I was thinking about him. I didn't know it was him, but I knew I didn't want to answer it in that moment. The phone vibrated in my hand and I watched the screen go from display to missed call. I didn't call back, but I looked up the number to find out it was him.
Another example is it seems with certain people, we think of the same things at the same time. I was thinking about a restaurant, and my husband brings up a random memory from that same restaurant which is in a completely different city. I was texting a neighbor and my daughter comes up and says "I made this for the neighbor." (It was a drawing with color crayons) She didn't know I was texting the neighbor, and daughter doesn't spend much time with neighbor, so it was unusual.
Thanks for the post Brap. Glad you met your trim friend at just the right time!
I've been reading the book Bright from the Start http://www.amazon.com/Bright-Start-Science-Backed-Developing-Mindfrom/dp/159240362X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1334039564&amp;sr=1-1
The author implies that part of the increase (of diagnoses) can be attributed to the way babies and toddlers are raised in modern times. For example, more television time or just screen time where there are a lot of flashing images and constantly changing themes.
Perhaps it is the fault of this book.
Stepmonster was great. I read half the damn book to FH. May I recommend some books for parents of preteens in general--may help you understand why she is the way she is.
Get out of my life!
Untangled
My personality type dictates that I have a really hard time sympathizing with people. I did a shit ass job of trying to understand my SD12's feelings for like three years. I also resented her and had too much anger directed at her instead of where it was supposed to go (myself for how I reacted to her). Finally all clicked for me a year ago and I read a lot of books to get me to that point (I was also against having children....until I met her!) Good luck and hang in there.
This actually exists, though I have no idea if it's any good. I haven't read it, just stumbled on its existence a while ago.
At the moment I'm reading Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method. I'm not sure how I feel about it so far. I like the idea of a "calm, gentle birth" and all that. But I'm not sure how realistic it is. And I feel like so far the book has been incredibly repetitive just sorta telling you the same couple of ideas in different ways over and over again without any real supporting evidence. Which, I mean, I don't know what I was expecting. No pun intended.
I'd like to read Ina May Gaskin's book also. I've heard it's great.
Child related I'm planning to read The Happiest Baby on the Block. And Bright from the Start.
Based on title alone:
http://www.amazon.com/Toddlers-Are-holes-Your-Fault/dp/0990592898/
Books:
FREE Articles & Reading from the CIA Library | Remote Viewing, etc.
Here's a link to a book that details other parents experience of there children's "coming out" sessions with the family. Might have some good points to help you in your situation.
http://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Acceptance-Parents-Lesbians-Experiences/dp/0312167814
Sorry about how I phrased that. I was afraid that if I just proposed a book then the people who were proposing a psychologist would vote me down. That book presents a method called Parent Management Training (PMT) that is based on 50+ years of parenting research and parent training results. There are a dozen or more randomized controlled trials that show that PMT is the most effective method that has been tested for this kind of thing, it's been called "the gold standard". Here's a partial summary of Kazdin Method:
http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/10-tips-parents-defiant-children/story?id=8549664
As you can see, it's very different from what you are doing and this is a hopeful indicator. If you do what this book recommends the you will get two important things: (1) you will be using the most effective evidence-based methods and (2) you will stop doing many counter-productive things that are making him worse. The combo of 1 and 2 can be very powerful.
The author of the book is the head of the Yale Parenting Clinic and former President of the America Psychological Association.
Please read the Amazon reviews of Kazdin Method:
http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826
You will likely find that this evidence-based method causes a great improvement in your kid's behavior. And there is a chapter in the book that will help you determine if you really need a psychologist.
If you have health insurance, then you can probably get some sessions with a psychologist for a modest fee and that might help.
> you don't see anything wrong with a city full of people carrying guns at all times? is this the best way toward safety?
I see nothing wrong with that, at all. Except no one has the right to bring anything onto your private property without your consent. And as far as it being the path way toward lowering crime... the answer is a resounding yes. Or Kleck's book. Or this (pdf), pages through 649-694.
I understand your concern. Believe me, I do. Criminals shouldn't have guns. Violent men and women shouldn't have them. But gun control doesn't prevent them from obtaining them. That's the logical failure of gun control advocates. Gun control doesn't prevent criminals from obtaining firearms, it prevents innocent civilians from defending their loved ones and property. At its core, gun control handicaps in favor of the criminal-minded, against the law-abiding citizen.
When someone you love is polyamorous by Dr. Elisabeth Sheff
https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0996460187?vs=1
OhMori mentioned this just before me. I'm providing a link. I'd suggest reading it before you hand it to you're parents or friends. This lets you be familiar with the framework of the book on how it explains poly and will help you to further explain to you're loved ones if they still have questions. You will likely understand this better than they will so this wont solve all questions but is a starting point.
Here are the books I gave to my mom:
My Child is Transgender: 10 Tips for Parents of Adult Trans Children
by Matt Kailey
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00867Y6OU
Now What?: A Handbook for Families with Transgender Children
by Rex Butt
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B010NZBEUQ
Transitions of the Heart: Stories of Love, Struggle and Acceptance by Mothers of Transgender and Gender Variant Children
by Rachel Pepper
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007TUY3PW
The first one is really quick and simple but is a good introduction. The second was my favorite, it was written by a parent and I think many parents can relate. It's really really great, don't let the author's name fool you. I didn't read all of the last one, but I figured it would be good to throw another one in there to tug on the heartstrings and sort of show my parents that if the parents in the book can adjust, so can they.
I think the worst part is that Bill O'Reilly writes children's books.
It's easy to denounce something if it doesn't agree with your ideology.
BTW I bought this for my dad for his birthday, he thought it was HILARIOUS...
http://www.amazon.com/OReilly-Factor-Kids-Survival-Americas/dp/0060544244
I feel for you. I'm 31, with twin 2 year old girls. They are just ramping up the terrible twos now.
Tantrums any time they don't get cookies for breakfast, tantrum if the other one is touching a toy that they weren't even playing with, tantrum if the other one looks at them funny, tantrum if I give one a hug and carry around the house to make them happy and don't pick up the other, and the best part is there's two of them throwing down and screaming and kicking!
So I've picked up some toddler books off amazon for behavior and sleep issues, trying to arm myself with knowledge of how I can better deal with the tantrums. We are also having problem with bedtime and we realized they aren't getting enough sleep, which could in turn lead to more tantrums. Just a thought.
This is the one I just started, I'm trying out some of the tactics already, saw it work 2 out of 3 times today so far. Haven't finished reading it yet, but I'm hopeful: [Happiest Toddler on the Block]
(http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Toddler-Block-Cooperative-Four-Year-Old-ebook/dp/B0015DROVY/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1404453073&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=happiest+toddler+on+the+block)
I am not good at articulating myself, so I will suggest a book for you. Mother Nature: Maternal Instincts and How They Shape the Human Species by Sarah Blaffer Hrdy. It is not just about abortion, but motherhood from a sociological perspective. It's the book that really helped me nail down my feelings about abortion, because although I am not religious, I love babies and once felt the same way that you did.
PFLAG's Welcoming Our Trans Family And Friends pamphlet is a great place to start and I'd suggest taking a look at it. Someone's already recced 'The Transgender Child' which is another fantastic resource that I would strongly recommend you pursue. The My Child is Transgender e-book is another useful resource that's pretty short but tackles a lot of the big points in what I thought was a relatively clear manner, too.
This might not quite be your speed, but How Children Fail and How Children Learn by John Holt both have had a profound influence on my career choices and approach as a teacher.
Also, while technically a parenting book, How to Talk so Kids Will Listen, and Listen so Kids Will Talk is the backbone of my classroom management approach.
This is one of the absolute best parenting books out there. Most of them are complete garbage. Be warned of that.
https://www.amazon.com/Elevating-Child-Care-Respectful-Parenting/dp/1499103670/ref=pd_aw_fbt_14_img_3?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=1N4N3K0R7NG5THTXS8Q8
Reading your post, the situation that you described feels immensely similar with I felt when me(M) and my SO(F) begun exploring the idea of nonmonogamy.
For me was (and sometimes continues to be) difficult letting go some societal norms that us, men, are biased to believe that are true. I'm a kind of protective guy, and was troubled by the possibility of other guy not respect her — or treat her well — like I do. But as u/twinkleztar put, in different manner, we need to work towards understand your autonomy and agency to choose and protect yourself. I don't know if you let him participate in the process of choosing your partners could help — I don't participate and don't like this approach, but this is for my specific case, for example.
Another issue that troubled me had more relation with my insecurities and self-esteem — and for us various of these issues are reflected by how we are seen by other men, or how our sense of 'masculine' was built. Again, many gender norms predates how we see ourselves and how we relate with women in general.
When my SO revealed that she was interested in some colleague of her, and fucking him, whereas we already 'did the nonmonogamy talk', I felt emasculated and, for some extent, being in a second plane. Society tells that, for us, when 'our girls' fucks other guy, we are in some form a 'inferior' man. But we reached a point where both of us desired, after all, that was the time to happen, and she went and fuck her colleague. Was difficult, there were problems and was a rolle coaster of emotions for me, but we grew stronger after this.
I find useful, as a man, to work towards strengthen my self-esteem, confidence, and nurture a more healthy vision of masculinity that not is based in preconceived notions of property of other body or 'soul', and to guarantee the free agency of my SO.
Finally, some resources I find useful (besides some of already cited in this thread):
Opening Up: A Guide To Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships
Is extremely useful for both of you design what kind of deals could work for you
Polyamory and Jealousy: A More Than Two Essentials Guide
Specific for jealousy, offers valuable tools for dealing with it
The Jealousy Workbook: Exercises and Insights for Managing Open Relationships
Another precious resource
Playing Fair: A Guide to Nonmonogamy for Men into Women
This is specific for men dealing with diverse situations in nonmonogamy
We literally just yesterday bought this book which we haven’t read yet, but it came highly recommended.
You're wonderful. I'm a single mom and it's tough, I wish you all the luck. Some books I've found- based in the age of her kids.
Honest toddler:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Honest-Toddler-Childs-Parenting/dp/1476734771
Toddlers are A**holes:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0990592898/ref=pd_aw_fbt_b_img_2?refRID=143CABN3JSCS68Q317QX
Single mothers survival guide:
http://www.amazon.com/The-Single-Mothers-Survival-Guide/dp/1580910637
One more:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0595397522/ref=pd_aw_sbs_2?pi=SL500_SY115&amp;simLd=1
Is this going to be anonymous? If not, ask to borrow her car one day. Say yours is in the shop. Fill it up with gas, wash it, change the oil, whatever you can afford to do.
If she has things on layaway, go pay them off.
These are mostly all monetary things, I know, but it sounds like she may be struggling a bit on that end.
Nominate her or put her name in for draws, raffles, anything. I know the radio stations here sometimes have a week where you can nominate someone awesome for whatever. This could be a good way to do things anonymously.
If you are close to the friend, you can do little things through her. Get her a gift certificate for something, have the friend say she won it and won't use it.
Good luck!!
Found some potentials, however, I have not read them:
Gay Children, Straight Parents: A Plan for Family Healing
Out of a Far Country
When Homosexuality Hits Home
Prayers for Bobby <- Risky pick due to the nature of the content
Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians & Gays Talk About Their Experiences
A Mother Looks At The Gay Child
sure, it's good to have a discussion about it without pointing fingers. I'm always happy to give my perspective from the actual experience of a crisis pregnancy. and back in the day I was a staunch pro-lifer myself.
i regret that.
i even carried protest signs. this was in college, maybe a year after i had placed my son for adoption. i guess the idea i had was: if i had chosen life, why couldn't every other woman? It took me a long time realize that it's a far more nuanced topic. Not every woman has the support structure that I had. Not every woman was born into a relative position of comfort and privilege. In the end, it needs to be allowed to be a very individual choice because each woman is a unique individual facing unique challenges at that particular moment of time in her life. But that was a very gradual shift for me, despite the fact that i had had my own experience of crisis and trauma. It should have opened my eyes sooner. It's not to my credit that I took as long as I did to gain better perspective and process it the way I came to but I had to find a historical perspective too (as I outlined above. I was going to note, if you have not read Mother Nature by Sarah Hrdy, it would be well worth your time.)
you might find the link that I linked about in one of the other comments helpful as well. it's kind of a history of the pro-life movement. I can remember when this whole "issue" started generating controversy so for me, i can see how it could be seen that this has been cultivated to be a highly-charged emotional issue generated for use by further control by the church. there is literally no stone of human sexuality and suffering that the church will not be willing to use to "bring people to god" (read: generate/keep adherents). but that's my little rant on the subject ;) i don't mean to detract from a thoughtful dialog at all!
edit: all kinds of crazy grammar stuff
This article was incredibly poorly researched. Having read all of Grossman's books, and having heard him speak a few times I think the article is seriously missing the point.
Firstly, Grossman didn't have anything to do with making soldiers better at killing people, in On Killing he cites the work of S.L.A. Marshall who was quite succesfull in changing Military training to be more effective with respect to soldiers pulling actually shooting to kill. Not the work Grossman himself has done.
Grossman has a severe issue with how these techniques have bled into our society at large and much of On Killing covers these concerns, along with another entire book called "Stop Teaching Our Kids to Kill: A Call to Action Against TV, Movie & Video Game Violence" http://www.amazon.ca/Stop-Teaching-Our-Kids-Kill/dp/0609606131
The perception in the UK is that your kids are much better behaved: http://www.amazon.co.uk/French-Children-Dont-Throw-Food/dp/0552779172 (There's another one in this series called 'French Women Don't Get Fat'!)
Non-mobile: Manifesting Love
^That's ^why ^I'm ^here, ^I ^don't ^judge ^you. ^PM ^/u/xl0 ^if ^I'm ^causing ^any ^trouble. ^WUT?
It's obvious she's not dealing with it very well, so I'd recommend getting her a book like this (it should be on the US or other Amazon sites if you're not from the UK). The main thing would be the struggle to get her to read it in the first place.
> I'd have been happy to see consciousness EXPLAINED with quantum mechanics.
Take a look at Amit Goswami's The Self Aware Universe or google Monistic Idealism for one interpretation in the quantum-consciousness camp. He's a physicist who's ideas are by no means mainstream, but he presents an interpretation of quantum phenomena that rejects materialism and points to an immaterial, unitive consciousness as the basis of all reality. It's all a bit wonky, but if you're asking what the article meant by quantum consciousness, that's the school of philosophy/interpretation of quantum phenomena you are asking for. It's going to require more work than a bunch of reddit comment, though.
We are getting this for my parents from Amazon. It's a grandparents memory book. I think it's right up my mom's alley. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/144130262X/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1481305860&amp;sr=8-1&amp;pi=SY200_QL40&amp;keywords=memories+for+my+grandchild&amp;dpPl=1&amp;dpID=41Vxsd%2BrWEL&amp;ref=plSrch
I tried to get my ex back using LOA, but ended up not being successful due to the fact that I couldn't let go and I put out a vibe of desperation.
Later on I met a guy I really liked but didn't know how/when/if I'd ever see him again. I ended up reading this material and I manifested him 2 weeks later.
It's called: Manifesting Love by Elizabeth Daniels
I got it on the Kindle App on my iPhone
The Self-Aware Universe http://www.amazon.com/The-Self-Aware-Universe-Amit-Goswami/dp/0874777984
Please note: "How to Raise a Boy Feminists Will Hate" is an Actual Title. http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Boys-Feminists-Will-Hate/dp/1618080458/ (Doug Giles)
Other Titles By Giles:
Raising Righteous and Rowdy Girls
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Righteous-Rowdy-Girls-Giles/dp/0983175128/
Rise-Kill-Eat: The Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation
http://www.amazon.com/Rise-Kill-Eat-Theology-Revelation/dp/1495109348
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Stop-Teaching-Our-Kids-Kill/dp/0609606131 - It does have poor reviews, however. Some of the Authors/Psychologists books are 5 star.
I mean it's not a resource as such but merely an observation, in games like TF2 or most FPS you violate peoples preferences when you kill them. And this could be considered bad. Most of the time we don't care because people just shrug it off "i died oh well". But the issue is with hedonistic ethical theory if it hurts people you want to win at a game by making them angry/frustrated/
I mean people have rejected this argument but a metaphor is that people play videos games as retraction/distraction/escapism just like people go to the beach to relax and sunbathe, and if you started riding a buggy around you would ruin it for them same as killing people in games. There are several objections such as, well each party should go where is appropriate like a quiet beach and a beach for buggys. However what if there is only one beach?. Which is the case for lobbied games in such as call of duty, where there is no choice of server, so you can't choose similar skilled opponents?
Video games are odd in this respect. Because pretty much every who plays them wants to win, but they are doomed to fail.
How Children Learn by John Holt. It might change forever how she perceives and teaches her pupils.
>Serbia - Bosnia
The facts don't support you there. The only act of genocide within that war was the Srebrenica massacre. The UN international court ruled as such and the decision has been upheld several times now. In the time preceding and during the massacre, the Bosnians in Srebrenica had been disarmed by UN forces under UN Resolution 819. There were plenty of other acts during the war that were crimes against humanity, but not genocide.
>Regarding the countrys you listed what happens when you limit your comparison just to other first world countrys?
South Africa, Mexico and Brazil are all G-20 nations, aka major economies. So...that's not "first world"? Argentina is one too, and while it has slightly fewer gun homicides than the US, it also has disproportionately less gun ownership and stricter gun laws. But really the more countries you bring into the comparison, the less clear any correlation becomes.
>Regarding self defense geting a gun is statisticaly more likely to result in the death of you or a family members
Hmm...A single journal from 1993, sampling only 1860 homicides, which concedes that "444 of them (23.9 percent)" were committed "in the home of the victim", and then goes on to make conclusions, based on that 23.9 percent instead of the remaining 76.1 percent of homicides sampled, or all of the data sampled. It's fine to make conclusions for that 23.9 percent of the data, but what about the rest of it? Making absolute statements like "Regarding self defense geting a gun is statisticaly more likely to result in the death of you or a family members, than save you from attack" from 23.9% of the data in a single study is faulty to say the least.
Here's a study from 1995 that completely contradicts the conclusions from your presented evidence, while having a larger sample size and time frame and draws upon several other studies. There are also well-cited books that draw upon aggregated crime data from federal and local law enforcement in the US going from 1960 to 2005 that support it.
Partly true. Note kanuk876's point about SIDS cases. The book he quotes looks interesting, too.
> many of the patterns of abuse and neglect that we see in cultures around the world (including, of course, our own) are neither unpredictable nor maladaptive in evolutionary terms. "Mother" Nature, as she points out, is not particularly concerned with what we call "morality."
See also this oft-linked essay by Brad Hicks
> When she does get upset, empathize by starting aloud why she is mad. Don't add judgment our explanation, just state your observation. "You're mad. You want xyz" can go a long way toward them feeling understood and calming down, even though they still don't get what they want.
Yes, this, absolutely. Acknowledging their feelings, wants, and desires makes them feel heard -- even if they don't end up getting what they want. I actually learned this trick from The Happiest Toddler On The Block; it works really, really well at stopping tantrums for us and, as a bonus, as the kid gets more verbal, they start telling you (in words!) what it is they want.
Gun violence is only the most preventable because it only exists with guns
Trying to reduce gun violence is simply stupid, because you can eliminate every single gun murder and not drop the murder rate a single percent. In 97, the UK banned guns. Their gun violence rate is now virtually zero, but guess what? Their violent crime rate spiked by 77%! Would you say that was effective? Great, you've solved gun violence, but the country is even more violent than before? Is that really a success story you want to bring to the US?
Intent doesn't matter. Yeah, power tools are designed to build, but that doesn't change the fact that banning them will reduce the number of power-tool related injuries. Lets ban them even though their legitimate purpose far overshadows the undesired incidents.
Guns absolutely are designed to kill people, and in the US they kill (on average) 1500 bad guys every year. That's 80x as many as the number of victims they create. which you can read about here
Now lets step away from the stats and figures and just talk reasonably. I am a licensed and registered gun owner. In my state, I need a training class and background check for my license. If I live in a particularly patriotic city (I do) then I am allowed to carry concealed so long as my gun holds no more than 10 rounds. I can technically build an AR-15 if I want to ignore some of the features that make it worthwhile, but still. 10 rounds.
I have never seen, but have heard of 100-round drum mags for an AR. They weigh about 45lbs loaded. There is no practical use for that regardless of whether you're talking about defense or fun-time range shooting. It's just impractically heavy. You could never hope to kill any number of people with that behemoth. With a 30-rounder on the other hand, it becomes a very user-friendly weapon platform that is really a top-of-the-line home defense option, and is also a very, very fun rifle to shoot on the range. The caliber makes it more manageable than most shotguns, and the platform is far more accurate and easily weilded than a handgun in almost all circumstances.
I really hope you're considering the things I have to say. I really don't feel compelled to change your view on this issue, but I do want you to be informed. I would strongly suggest going to a gun show near you and just walking about chatting with people at the booths. You'll find that the average gun owner knows quite a bit about firearms, and if you claim that a 5-rnd snubnose revolver provides "more than enough firepower to get the job done," they will likely chuckle and politely explain the number of ways in which that statement is simply false. For anecdotal evidence, my father is a cop in an urban area. He's responded to at least one "shots fired" every week this year, yet only one gun-related homicide. That means that about 50 times someone has been shot, or shot at, but only one died. Last week a convenience store owner took a .45 to the belly and walked himself to the ambulance.
It seems that you have some misconceptions about the nature, availability, and usage of firearms in the US. Instead of trying to change your view, I'd just like to call into question how you developed that view in the first place.
>Raising Boys Feminists Will Hate!
Holy crap, that's a real book.
Found this great book because of the /r/IAmA thing by Adam Mansbach.
Tempted to order a case of them for all the new and expecting parents at work, but not sure if it's totally appropriate. (There must've been a LOT of bonking going on 5-15 months ago, so many folks I know and work with are having babies)
I'm more of the treat your child like a person camp, so I am loving anything by Janet Lansbury. I'm in the middle of this book and I love it.
I gave my dad Matt Kailey's guide for parents of adult children. http://www.amazon.com/My-Child-Transgender-Parents-Children-ebook/dp/B00867Y6OU/ref=la_B001JS16J6_1_5?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1413304647&amp;sr=1-5
NTA. Don't get your hopes up for a meaningful response though or take any response you do get personally. In my experience, young adults can drop friends for really lame reasons, including jealousy, fear of rejection, or just having new life experiences that they don't think you'll accept or identify with. I think jealousy is a very common reason around puberty. I had best friends suddenly stop talking to me for a month, only to apologize later and say it was because they both thought I was the most likable (friendship-wise) of the three of us, so they wanted to get me back for "them not being as special" according to them, which is ridiculous. There is likely no harm in asking. Sorry your daughter is dealing with social issues. Kids can be so cruel and take out insecurities in awful ways. If you DO decide to see a counselor, there is that added benefit of asking for help for your daughter as well. Perhaps you can take this approach with friend A -- tell her that your daughter's experiences reminded you of what happened, rather than saying its been bothering you for as long as it has, if you want. By the way, I gave this book to a friend who has a daughter, maybe it would be of interest to you: Untangled: Guiding Teenage Girls Through the Seven Transitions into Adulthood, by Lisa Damour, PhD. She also just released one called Under Pressure about stress and anxiety in girls. Good luck.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0553393073/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07D23HK1J/ref=sspa_dk_detail_0?psc=1
Some days almost killed me. Some days I almost, almost tried. But that's what reddit is for. You know in life, when you really need help most of the time you can find it. Either in someone else, or in yourself. You just end up doing what you need to, to get what you want.
Try reading this book, it'll help a lot:
https://www.amazon.com/Manifesting-Love-Attraction-Specific-Relationship-ebook/dp/B00AGKV59Y
Since he's a new grandpa, you could give him a keepsake book like this.
A friend (who works with children and whose opinion I trust) read and liked ["Parenting the Defiant Child"] (http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1419880497&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=defiant+child) when she was struggling with her 11 year old daughter.
It would be for you to read, not your son.
I didn't read your full post. But from what I read, you should consider reading (or listening) to the book Untangled. I just listened to it and it was tremendously helpful as a parent of a 6th grade/11 year old daughter.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0553393073/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_K4elzb52PM78C
I could recommend this book:
http://www.amazon.com/Manifesting-Love-Attraction-Specific-Relationship-ebook/dp/B00AGKV59Y
Buying these... just finished Beyond Acceptance... It really helped me understand where my parents are at... and kinda where they're coming from.
Not exactly what you are looking for but, maybe something like this: https://www.amazon.ca/Memories-My-Grandchild-Keepsake-Grandparents/dp/144130262X/ref=pd_sbs_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=R64SJ7K1276SF9M6YR1C would be good for both of you? She can have some self reflection and you can have a nice keepsake.
So, a blogger I like just shared some advertising for this.
Thought this might be interesting for you:
(Disclaimer that I haven't read the book and thus can't really vouch for it.)
[When Someone You Love Is Polyamorous] (https://www.amazon.com/When-Someone-Love-Polyamorous-Understanding/dp/0996460187/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1481771400&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=when+someone+you+love+is+polyamorous)
How much are you willing to read:
Both of these authors have attempted to do research into the question you ask. They both go into great detail (Kleck more than Lott) on what they did and what they found. Both interesting reads.
One thing to keep in mind when asking "How many lives are saved by carrying a gun" is that many people will not report it to the police if they do. The hassle alone isn't worth it, and if you're in an area where the cops & DA have a hard on against gun owners reporting your defense will earn you a felony charge.
That being said I've seen low numbers of 10-20K, with high being as many as 300K. I don't think we'll ever see good number on defensive gun usage; but I encourage anyone to read at least the above books and see what attempts have been made.
So, it would be the polar opposite of this book?
Oh! Read this book The caveman talk method is very useful with toddlers!
The death numbers come from the CDC fatal injury statistics.
The gun numbers estimate comes from a book by Gary Kleck. I think you can find the relevant numbers online though.
The rate of accidental firearms deaths of children aged 0-14 in 1994 was 0.32 per 100,000 and in 2013 it was 0.11. These are very small numbers, and getting smaller. The overall rate of accidental deaths from firearms in general is about as low as it has been in 100 years.
Yes, I'm sure if guns didn't exist, even fewer children would be killed by guns. But if saving the children is your goal, you would prevent many more deaths by banning swimming pools and trampolines. Is that something you think we should do?
Toddlers Are Assholes: It's Not Your Fault
If education interests you, you can't go wrong with How Children Fail, How Children Learn, or any of John Holt's later works. Truly inspiring.
The Lives of Children by George Dennison is also amazing.
Transgender 101 by Nick Teich (sadly not free)? My Child is Transgender: 10 Tips for Parents of Adult Trans Children (99¢ ebook)? The Our Trans Children leaflet (free PDF download)?
Honestly you are EXTREMELY unlikely to find something that explains things without ever using the word transsexual or mentioning surgery. The closest you're going to get is giving them stuff that you've altered and censored. It makes way more sense to give them stuff that does mention those things, let them get a basic understanding, and then explain to them that you do not want surgery. If you're not willing to do that, my guess is you're going to find yourself stuck. Given that you have a need that existing stuff doesn't meet, though, I encourage you to write your ideal resource(s) yourself, or in collaboration with others, and spread them around. :)
Try http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826
This book helped me immensely in understanding how children develop.
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0015DROVY?btkr=1
French family here. Everything you read about how French families feed their kids is true. Our kids are 2 and 4.
Kids here eat strictly four times a day, no exceptions. Breakfast. Lunch. Gouter (snack) at 4pm. Dinner. Nearly every French kid I've ever met keeps the same schedule.
At each of these meals, a variety of healthy choices are offered, and sometimes there are treats on the weekend. In our house, the kids start with warm milk and muesli in the morning, and maybe a pain-au-chocolat on the weekend. We sit as a family for lunch, which usually includes a main course, fruit, cheese and salad (they also get 3-4 courses for their school lunches).
The snack is the time of the day that kids are most often offered any "junk" food -- this is when kids eat birthday cake to celebrate a class birthday, or perhaps get to eat something at home that they've helped bake. Often it's just fruit and yogurt. Importantly, it's just big enough to tide them over until dinnertime -- not enough to fill them up.
Finally, dinner -- our kids eat earlier than we do in the evening, but it's always at the table and it's always real food (typically whatever the adults ate for dinner the previous night). After the main course, they are offered fruit, cheese, yogurt and perhaps a small chocolate if they've eaten well (we're rather indulgent by offering this on a regular basis). They sit at the table and we talk about their day.
Apart from that: zero. No snacking, no grazing, no giving in to demands. If the kids are hungry, we'll be sure to tell them the next meal that's coming up, and maybe even get them to help us preparing it (they are far more willing to wait if they can understand that it takes time to prepare the meal).
It's easier to enforce over here because they don't have bad examples when they visit other friends, and they've very quickly learned that when the kitchen is closed, the kitchen is closed.
No kid ever died from being hungry for two hours.
That's exactly what I thought (although I did make her an email for people to write to and when she's older I'll give her the passcode. I guess I figure I'll print them out if I hear Gmail is going under? Lol) I bought these for my mom and MIL too. https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/144130262X/ref=pd_aw_sim_14_1?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=MJEX0T1XTQJS9MCZP8F7
> Franklin Veaux also has The Jealousy Workbook
Is this the book you are talking about?
https://smile.amazon.com/Polyamory-Jealousy-More-Essentials-Guide-ebook/dp/B01E0L4DAM?ie=UTF8&amp;ref_=asap_bc
This is why people like Bill O'Reilly write books for "children"
http://www.amazon.com/The-OReilly-Factor-Kids-Survival/dp/0060544244
The people that are saying "Don't expect anything better from a two year old" are off-base. Having low standards for children is mainly an American cultural thing. I suggest reading "Parenting with Love and Logic" . Seriously, if you only read one book, make it this one. Make your fiance read it too.
There's not a lot you can do by yourself without your fiance's help. She will need to be the main enforcer. Be 100% consistent in your consequences, and act with empathy and concern, and not out of anger. It's important that she understands the consequence happened because she made a bad decision, and not because her parents are angry.
Another great book, if you are a reader, is French Children Dont Throw Food.