(Part 3) Best death & grief books according to redditors
We found 2,941 Reddit comments discussing the best death & grief books. We ranked the 610 resulting products by number of redditors who mentioned them. Here are the products ranked 41-60. You can also go back to the previous section.
Oh wow, my heart just swelled reading the lineup. I preordered Stephanie’s book the other day, I recommend y’all do the same. https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Horrible-Wonderful-Tragicomic-Memoir/dp/1492664103
For those of you who are interested, the three conditions of thwarted belongingness, perceived burdensomness and capacity for suicide are likely from Thomas Joiner's book Why People Die By Suicide. His argument is pretty convincing, though I'm left thinking that he undermined the role played by mental illness. I would also like to give a shameless plug to my extremely sparse subreddit /r/suicidology, which focuses on the problem of suicide from a scientific and sociocultural perspective.
There are great suggestions here for handling your finances, but I hope you don't mind a non-finance suggestion... I have not been where you are, but it's a constant fear. I'm in the midst of a divorce from a wonderful man, who is not a good partner, and who I worry about taking his own life. The book Tiny Beautiful Things has been something to hold onto, when nothing is making sense. It's healing in a way that doesn't deny how hard, and cruel and capricious these parts of life can be. It's easy to pick up for a while and put down too.
Anyways, just wanted to say how sorry I am you're going through this. I'm glad you're focused on your practicalities, but take care of your heart too. There's no right or wrong way to handle it, and I hope you will come out of this in your own way and your own time. <3
https://www.amazon.com/Tiny-Beautiful-Things-Advice-Sugar/dp/0307949338
A few things I've learned that help...
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1.) Get a therapist, check your insurances coverage first.
- After that you can find some that specialize in what you need, email a few to see if it would be a good fit for you. This website (Psychology Today) is like a google search for mental health help.
2.) Focus on self love and self care make a morning, nightly, and weekly routine. Commit to having "me time." This is just like making sure you have three meals a day.
- Make a special day/night for yourself once a week. Think if you were going on a date with your crush and all of the things you would do to make it so special, but that date is with yourself!
3.) Read Codependent No More
4.) The more you work on yourself, the better you can empower others by just your own [radiant] positivity; by this you are prioritizing your needs first always.
- This is a personal belief I have found through everyone from athletics to artists. I've learned the most in life from people who have improved their own situation to the fullest, and they never stop!
5.) Strictly only be friends with people that support you!
6.) Read You can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay.
- It's saved my life! Some of it is a little funny but just look at the overall message of what she's trying to say.
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*I'm going through exactly what you are night now and it feels like you will never get out of the cycle, but you will! It takes a lot of time and pure commitment and belief that you will get better!
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Much love to you! ❤️
Texts and Reference Books
Days in the Lives of Social Workers
DSM-5
Child Development, Third Edition: A Practitioner's Guide
Racial and Ethnic Groups
Social Work Documentation: A Guide to Strengthening Your Case Recording
Cognitive Behavior Therapy: Basics and Beyond
[Thoughts and Feelings: Taking Control of Your Moods and Your Life]
(https://www.amazon.com/Thoughts-Feelings-Harbinger-Self-Help-Workbook/dp/1608822087/ref=pd_sim_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=3ZW7PRW5TK2PB0MDR9R3)
Interpersonal Process in Therapy: An Integrative Model
[The Clinical Assessment Workbook: Balancing Strengths and Differential Diagnosis]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0534578438/ref=ox_sc_sfl_title_38?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;smid=ARCO1HGQTQFT8)
Helping Abused and Traumatized Children
Essential Research Methods for Social Work
Navigating Human Service Organizations
Privilege: A Reader
Play Therapy with Children in Crisis
The Color of Hope: People of Color Mental Health Narratives
The School Counseling and School Social Work Treatment Planner
Streets of Hope : The Fall and Rise of an Urban Neighborhood
Deviant Behavior
Social Work with Older Adults
The Aging Networks: A Guide to Programs and Services
[Grief and Bereavement in Contemporary Society: Bridging Research and Practice]
(https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0415884810/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o02_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1)
Theory and Practice of Group Psychotherapy
Motivational Interviewing: Helping People Change
Ethnicity and Family Therapy
Human Behavior in the Social Environment: Perspectives on Development and the Life Course
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work
Generalist Social Work Practice: An Empowering Approach
Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association
The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Skills Workbook
DBT Skills Manual for Adolescents
DBT Skills Manual
DBT Skills Training Handouts and Worksheets
Social Welfare: A History of the American Response to Need
Novels
[A People’s History of the United States]
(https://www.amazon.com/Peoples-History-United-States/dp/0062397346/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1511070674&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=howard+zinn&amp;dpID=51pps1C9%252BGL&amp;preST=_SY291_BO1,204,203,200_QL40_&amp;dpSrc=srch)
The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
Life For Me Ain't Been No Crystal Stair
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly
Tuesdays with Morrie
The Death Class <- This one is based off of a course I took at my undergrad university
The Quiet Room
Girl, Interrupted
I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
Flowers for Algernon
Of Mice and Men
A Child Called It
Go Ask Alice
Under the Udala Trees
Prozac Nation
It's Kind of a Funny Story
The Perks of Being a Wallflower
The Yellow Wallpaper
The Bell Jar
The Outsiders
To Kill a Mockingbird
As someone who has been into HST for 20+ years, there was nothing unresolved or mysterious about any of this. In Gonzo the people closest to him talk about how afterwards thinking back they could see how he was actually saying goodbye. Even his son said he never had any doubt this is the way Hunter would go. It's really a good book if you're at all into HST.
Hi! I'm glad you're curious, but I'm not the best person to ask. I work with animal cremations, not human, but it's essentially the same process on exactly the same machines, just smaller loads. Also, I stumbled into this job completely on accident. We needed coverage in the animal shelter I worked in at the time, so I ended up not having to apply or really even search for a job in the field.
Something I wish I had known beforehand (although not a deal-breaker) was that I'd end up being as much a grief counselor as I am a crematory operator, so having good interpersonal communication skills is an absolute must. Most places that I've seen in my area (Upstate NY) also require at least a two-year college degree, but maybe it's different for wherever you're at.
If you're really interested, I'd suggest calling around to funeral homes or crematories in your area and first asking if they're hiring, and if not, asking if you can possibly shadow them for a day. You can read about dead things all you want online, but it's something completely different having to physically handle them and get blood and goo all over yourself (if you're unlucky, that is).
Also, I read a book awhile back called Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty. Although this book is written by someone who works with human cremations, it has enough similarities with my position that I can definitely say it's an accurate representation of working in this field. She also has a youtube channel that I find very interesting.
Wish I could be more help, sorry!
I don't! I might shift into that kind of role when I eventually become a medical examiner. I always like to recommend Caitlin Doughty and her YouTube series "Ask a Mortician." She also has two really beautiful books: From Here To Eternity and Smoke Gets in Your Eyes.
np, I love it and I wish everyone know about it, maybe then everyone could chill out a little and stop murdering each other
also if anyone wants a copy of that "The Worm at the Core" book mentioned on that page, PM me and I'll hook you up
Have you consider the possibility that your time might be better served by checking out a book from the library instead of pastoring and insulting strangers?
Assuming you're not totally full of shit when you claim to be "intrigued," here's a book recommendation: "Why people die by suicide.". I know, it's a book, not something exciting like a VROOM VROOM MOTORCYCLE, but you asked.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0674025490/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_p2u.zbFQ1ZNT5
In short, you're not asking us to answer your question, you're asking us to teach you an entire subfield of psychiatry (suicidology). The answer is no. Shut up, leave us alone and go read.
P.S. calling us cowards doesn't do anything. We get it, you're very brave and we are not. Good for you, here is a 🏅. Hooray.
I'd say this is a perfectly normal reaction, especially if you have never seen a dead person before. Also, it's completely normal for caregivers of all levels to feel this kind of grief.
I volunteer in hospice every weekend, so I periodically (usually at least 1 per shift, sometimes 2) see the bodies go by. I have to admit that since my shift is only once a week, I don't typically even "know" the people being wheeled out. I'm sure that makes it a little harder for you, given that you had some part of their care. People who volunteer multiple shifts a week and primarily sit with patients often have to take "breaks" because they get so weighed down with the pain.
For me, the most difficult part is always the families. Nobody responds to grief quite the same. I don't feel pain so much for the person as I do for those they left behind.
How do I "cope"? Since I am primarily at the front desk providing family support, I find the best thing is just listening and letting yourself be with them in the moment. I don't talk a lot, but I do a whole lot of listening. It's especially hard for me personally when a young person dies and I see their family (we don't see a whole lot of under 20's, but I frequently see early 30's and on), because that is just SO hard.
I think coping is just getting used to it. You have to accept that sometimes you will "feel". Sometimes you might not. Neither one is wrong, as long as it doesn't consume you or impair you ability to function. I think I take the most comfort in knowing that so many families and patients have a wonderful experience in our facility. I know people are dying on THEIR own terms (for the most part, sadly things still happen) in hospice.
Most people (maybe others have other experiences) who know they are about to die are oddly at peace with it. If you ever have the chance to be in/hear/talk about those moments, there is something peaceful about that. I guess some people could take this as sad, but I think it's a beautiful thing when someone is so content with their life.
A lot of my acceptance of death came from watching my own stepmom (46 when she died) go through cancer that started in her bile duct and spread, ultimately killing her 9 months later. I don't think death will ever be "easy" for me, but witnessing the bravery of those that are dying has completely changed my view. It's as natural as being born.
Have you read any books by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross? I have read a few of her books (I bought them when I found out my stepmom was terminal) and my favorite is this one:
https://www.amazon.com/Death-Dying-Doctors-Nurses-Families/dp/1476775540
It's an easy read and helped prepare me emotionally. Before my stepmom, I had only ever lost grandparents who were ready to go (not that it wasn't sad that I lost them, but hopefully you know what I mean. I tend to be less "shocked" when the elderly die).
Does anyone know if this Earwolf Amazon referral link still works? I tried to use it but when I get to the book page, the URL hasn't changed so I'm not sure if it works.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.
While grief is really difficult to handle, I think atheism has the ability to help us cope better. As a theist grief might be exacerbated by the fact that a god could allow decent people to be taken (and at 55 — taken so young). As a theist we might agonize over the fate of eternal souls. As a theist we mightn't value the wonderful lives people around us lead — as much if we could parlay this on some afterlife.
There's a book I'd recommend that goes into some better explanations that I've given here. It helped me once. It offers comfort in times of mourning, but also helps put death into a rational yet comforting perspective: https://www.amazon.com/Comforting-Thoughts-About-Death-Nothing-ebook/dp/B00QVLEQRU
I just really like reading or listening to other people's problems.
edit: if you like reading other people's problems i recommend Tiny beautiful things https://www.amazon.com/Tiny-Beautiful-Things-Advice-Sugar/dp/0307949338 it's a compilation of letters to an advice collumnist
Hey, I am so sorry for your loss. A great book on the subject of suicide is Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide, by Kay Redfield Jamison. It helped me a lot when I lost someone close to me this way.
Wishing you peace.
Harris is definitely my favorite comedian, so I want to take this time to plug the book his sister wrote “Everything is Horrible and Wonderful” https://www.amazon.com/Everything-Horrible-Wonderful-Tragicomic-Memoir/dp/1492664103
I'm so glad that you're aware that this is a tragedy for both of you:
>My poor wife has never known what life is like outside of being a stay at home mom since our first was born while we were both in school.
>I’ve never had the chance to really get to know my wife.
If you do nothing else, I would buy this book: Tiny Beautiful Things
You see, everything you've been taught about love has been tainted and twisted to serve TSCC. There is more of love and self-love in that book than in just about anything else I've read. It will show you the landscape of love in a way that is tremendously healing.
I would also say that you might, gently, let your wife know that you wish you felt more connected to her inner life, and that you wish you were more connected to your own inner life. Maybe frame it in "The parable of the talents."
If you two never explore where your talents and interests really lie, how can you multiply them? Or something like that.
Understanding yourself and understanding your wife, and her understanding herself and you, can only do you two good. Even if you separate, that knowledge and affection will make that separation smoother.
But maybe you won't have to. Good luck. I'm so sorry for this tragedy. Look forward.
JW bullshit aside, I'd like to recommend that you read this book: The Family Essential Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not saying they are, or aren't, but I think there's a lot in there you might find useful. Holy f*ck.
Yo. I'm just gonna throw this at you. I highly recommend it.
http://www.amazon.com/Stay-History-Suicide-Philosophies-Against/dp/0300186088
Related interview on Minnesota Public Radio:
http://www.mprnews.org/story/2014/05/28/daily-circuit-suicide-stay
Recently I read the book”Stay” by Jennifer Michael Hecht, an examination of suicide from the perspective of philosophers and writers from ancient times until now. I found it comforting and illuminating and I recommend it to clinicians and lay people alike. Suicide is far more common than I thought. More people die from their own hand than by war and homicide combined. Hecht argues that we are not the same people we were years ago and we are not going to be the same in the future as we are now. We owe it to that future self to stay and wait for help, wait for change. Your efforts to help are never wasted because even though they may not have the results you intended, they change the world in unforeseen ways and they bring you into contact with others like yourself, people who are dedicated to helping others hold on.
https://www.amazon.com/Stay-History-Suicide-Philosophies-Against/dp/0300186088
60 just seems... not that old. (Speaking as a person who'll hit 40 in less than 3 years.) Suicide is complicated. Many people struggle with suicidal thoughts and compulsions. There's a great book called Night Falls Fast that investigates the subject thoroughly. But the idea that this person chose to commit suicide because "60" seemed old enough for a lifetime... it's a harsh thought.
If your mother has BPD, I'm very sorry for everything you have undoubtedly been through. This is one of those disorders that makes even the most experienced, educated and competent of shrinks absolutely dread the career they've chosen, so don't feel bad that you've been unable to manage. The way I've coped is to learn as much about the disorder as I can. It helps me feel less responsible for all of her madness (which is what the BPD mother instills in her children from birth). It has also helped me forgive her, understanding that she didn't choose to have this disorder and can't ever escape from it the way that we can. Some really good books that I've found to be very helpful in terms of learning about this disorder and how to cope with this are:
http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Family-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/1592853633/ref=sr_1_4?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1280355017&amp;sr=1-4
http://www.amazon.com/Understanding-Borderline-Mother-Unpredictable-Relationship/dp/0765703319/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;s=books&amp;qid=1280355076&amp;sr=1-1
Therapy has also been invaluably helpful. Best of luck to you, from one BPD kid to another.
I read [Raven: The Untold Story of Jim Jones and his People.] (https://www.amazon.com/Raven-Untold-Story-Jones-People/dp/1585426784) It was written by a reporter who was present for the shooting of the congressman in Jonestown, Guyana.
The average person cannot commit suicide without a great deal of effort, it takes a seriously strong mind to do it. To you, that may sound counter-intuitive, but it's the truth. This book talks about it a number of times. For a person to succeed at suicide, it nearly always involves numerous attempts. It's not just a long-term outlook of pointlessness, but a view that the entirety of life is beyond pointless. Every second of every day the person is considering the useless aspects of life and they eventually feel tortured enough to do something about it. If you haven't been stricken with insomnia thinking about your useless existence then you don't know where this type of person is at. It's not just some acute depression.
>As far as our outlook goes, it's identical
Not even close. Nice try though. Those who fight suicidal tendencies in their youth will most likely die from it at some point in their life. The fact that you haven't yet attempted it means you are either too young to have gone through it or you will probably never feel what it means to be suicidal in your entire life. Try being a little more empathetic and perhaps reading a few books before you make bold assumptions based on something you have no experience with.
Have you read Smoke Gets in Your Eyes?
By Caitlin Doughty. She has some insightful and amusing views including more natural internment methods.
?
Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide.
You should read Everything is Horrible and Wonderful; Harris Wittles was a writer and executive producer of PandR. It's an emotional read, but it's a very good one.
My heartfelt sympathies!
As for the "why?" question, the best book I have ever, ever read on this is Thomas Joiner's "Why People Die by Suicide" https://www.amazon.com/Why-People-Suicide-Thomas-Joiner/dp/0674025490. As someone who used to be suicidal myself, I can tell you that he fully hit the mark: I never read a better text explaining suicide than his. I would encourage everyone to read this and for every school library to get a copy. In an odd way, it was healing reading it. I sent the author a thank you note for his amazing book and even got a reply!
Aside from that, one trigger that can be overlooked could be abuse (not neccessary only sexual but also physical and also emotional) - and not neccessary commited by parents. Often abuse victims are so so ashamed that they don't see another way out (certainly made me suicidal back when it was happening).
For what it's worth, I told a former teacher years after I left school what was happening/that I was suicidal back then and he was shocked and gobsmacked. He told me he never would have guessed. Some kids are just too good at hiding it. And teachers do have 200+ students. Sometimes there is no way to tell what goes through a student's mind.
Same. Organ donation if possible, then toss me out in the woods! I want my dead flesh to become the living tissue of another plant or animal as fast as possible. It's my version of eternal life. :)
ETA: If you haven't read Caitlin Doughty's book, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes yet, you should.
Loving yourself is like growing a sapling into a tree. Time, it takes.
One book
Two book
Good luck friend :)
I've seen The Grief Recovery Handbook recommended before.
Many people can relate. This need for approval might come from not getting enough of it from one or both of your parents. If this is something you are trying to overcome, I suggest reading or listening to book called "You Can Heal Your Life" by Louise Hay (she has an audiobook too).
Be proactive in your therapy. There are lots of good books out there to help people with PTSD.
I think it’d an important topic to think about in a daily basis - not in a weepy fearful way, but just to appreciate the time left here on earth. When my dad passed, it hit me hard and I realized how much I had squandered my life being miserable, tense, and angry. I think death helps break you out of your shell. I do imagine myself near death every so often, and it helps take me out of the worries and concerns I have during the day.
Here’s a solid book on the topic:
https://www.amazon.com/Death-Dying-Doctors-Nurses-Families/dp/1476775540
And of course the classic by Viktor Frankl:
https://www.amazon.com/Mans-Search-Meaning-Viktor-Frankl/dp/080701429X
And if Alan Watts is up your alley:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M7KRgluYeps
They aren't textbooks, but they do have information to learn in them.
Here are a couple of things on my reading list:
Why People Die By Suicide by Thomas Joiner
How to Be an Adult in Relationships by David Richo
Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson
Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenburg
I've been through a few losses which have devastated me beyond belief and I've recovered to a good degree and handled the depths of despair. So I'll tell you what has helped me.
Two books that really helped me were On Grief And Grieving and Healing After Loss. The first one talks a lot about accepting and understanding all of the emotions you go through and can help you navigate it a bit better. The second one was a god send because it was so easy to digest when I was overwhelmed. Just one little passage a day. They aren't Buddhist books, but they are still invaluable.
Another thing that I still use 1.7 years after my moms death is to journal to the dead, it really helps. Sometimes I just talk vocally, sometimes I journal. I talk about how I feel. I talk about any feeling or thought about them to them. It gives me some closure. My love has not died with them. So maintaining a connection to them is very helpful.
One thought that has helped me is to realize that the person lives on in how they've impacted me and others. So to me, my mom isn't completely dead.
I know it's really hard and sucks. I hope you feel better and I'm sorry you're going through this.
I agree with the top comment about how everyone goes through this and it's good to confront death and loss head on.
I hope some of this was helpful. Wish you well.
Firstly, if this isn't just a philosophical question, please seek help. 1-800-273-8255 Suicide Hotline.
Secondly, Stay by Jennifer Michael Hetcht does a fair job looking at various philsophical responses to the problem of suicide.
Oh no =( I'm so sorry for you. My friend killed himself 2+ years ago... and it still weighs on me. It seems like you blame yourself. That's normal. I assure you, it's not your fault he died. Sometimes there is a short time between when the person makes that terrible decision and does the deed. Or no note, no closure. If you are interested in reading a book on the subject, I recommend Night Falls Fast.
I think you have the potential to do positive things for other people in pain. Just talking about suicide helps people -- letting people know the subject is not taboo. I am sure you could volunteer as a hotline answerer or do other things to get involved, depending on what -- if anything -- you think is right for you. Suicide is killing a lot of people, and I'm sad your friend is gone. Keep your own mind healthy and reach out to people.
Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss https://www.amazon.com/dp/0961519762/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_5jPNAbK53WTBT
Leave it to the experts like Kubler-Ross. This book might help, from there you can find similar titles that offer structured advice focused on both patients and families.
"Elisabeth authored twenty-four books in thirty-six languages and brought comfort to millions of people coping with their own deaths or the death of a loved one. Her greatest professional legacy includes teaching the practice of humane care for the dying and the importance of sharing unconditional love."
Wow. That sounds like my favorite quote from Tuesdays with Morrie:
>Death ends a life, not a relationship.
I am very sorry for your loss. I don't have any first hand experience with this, I wouldn't feel right to say any advice, but I know about this book, it is supposed to be best book out there on this subject, from the reviews I believe it will help you.
https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded-ebook/dp/B001NLKYIS
From this link you can download a pdf copy right now, I promise it is safe to.
<3
I like historical nonfiction a lot. I've got one about Jim Jones that I found at the used book store that I've been putting off reading for a while because I know I'll disappear until I've finished it.
My cousin is friends with Corey Seymour, Hunter S. Thompson's former assistant and author of this biography. One year, for Christmas (we're bad Jews), she got me an autographed copy of the book, but what really blew me away were the 3 faxes and letters from Hunter S. Thompson that Corey included.
I strongly recommend reading On Grief and Grieving.
http://www.griefbeyondbelief.org/library/
http://www.griefbeyondbelief.org/resources/
http://www.amazon.com/Comforting-Thoughts-About-Death-Nothing-ebook/dp/B00QVLEQRU
I love this! Thank you so much for working on this project!
Here are my suggestions please add what you feel is appropriate :)
FICTION
A Door Near Here by Heather Quarles. - it's about a family with an alcoholic mother from the children's point of view. As an ACOA (adult child of an alcoholic) it's quite realistic as far as the mother's behavior.
A Wrinkle in Time - includes father/daughter relationships, sibling relationships and self esteem.
Push Inspiration for the movie Precious. I love this book but it is a tough one to read.
NON FICTION:
Hospice related: Final Gifts I also recommend this one to families of a dying loved one
My Mother Myself mother daughter relationships
Will I Ever be Good Enough. Another book about mother-daughter relationships but focuses on dealing with mothers with narcissistic behaviors.
Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayad
The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.
Hyperbole and a Half Funny as fuck and talks about depression.
I do have a list of caregiver books that I give to loved ones of someone on hospice. I'm too lazy to look it up right now lol but if there's interest let me know and I'll post it.
Also, is there any interest in a social work related podcasts wiki? I know quite a few that deal with issues we work with such as alcoholism, addiction, recovery etc.
I broke up with my girlfriend of 10 years about 7 years ago, and I was overcome with grief, I felt like I was going crazy. My mom died a little over a year ago. It also felt devastating. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy or that any sort of positive thinking caused me to just shrug off the pain of the situation. I felt anger, regret, sorrow, confusion, depression, guilt, gratitude and appreciation.
From my experience wisdom can't cure you from the pain, but it can help (unless maybe you're enlightened). Knowing that loss is natural because everything is impermanent can help you accept the situation more. And the most comforting thought to me is that the person who left me is still alive in my thoughts and memories, in the impact they had on me, in the impact they had on others. In a way, a part of them is still around.
In my opinion, in these situations you shouldn't tell yourself how you're supposed to feel. You feel how you feel and you feel your way through it and live your life as best you can and you heal, at your own pace. Healing will happen, if you don't fight the process too much.
A couple of books that have helped me through grief are.
[On Grief And Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss] (https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Grieving-Finding-Meaning-Through/dp/1476775559/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1519274083&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=on+grief+and+grieving+by+elizabeth+kubler-ross)
[Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief] (https://www.amazon.com/Healing-After-Loss-Meditations-Working/dp/0380773384/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1519274112&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=meditations+grief)
I'm in the middle of reading Metzinger's Being No One; one of the things he's big on is identifying which constructs within a transparent self model survive being popped out and consciously examined, and which elements are inextricable (hence transparent) building blocks of the model itself. I suppose any functional theory of mind includes the limitations of what is not mind, or what can be removed and keep the mind intact? It's a great book so far, but very difficult going. It's amazing how much of symbolic/epistemic language is dependent upon an unreconstructed dualistic view of mind. Makes talking about it/thinking about it very, very difficult.
Being No One: The Self-Model Theory of Subjectivity. A bit hefty read, as it is very detailed and scientific despite being written by a philosopher (of neuroscience). Sinks very deep into the subject, speaking of which she or he who is reading is supposedly going to lose.
Sorry to have misunderstood you. My 4 year old has been getting up at the butt-crack of dawn for the last few days, and since I'm always running on an energy deficit because of my MS, now my reading comprehension has taken a bit of a hit. He's back in school today, so he should be pretty worn out, and I'll get some freaking sleep.
On Death and Dying is the number one resource that I recommend. If books on grief had a gold standard, this would be it.
Healing After Loss is another good one that I often recommended.
I wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is one I wish I'd had during my brief time doing grief counseling, because almost all of my patients lost someone suddenly and tragically.
How to Go on Living When Someone You Love Dies is another old one that's still relevant)
Getting to the Other Side of Grief is one that is specific to losing a spouse.
I personally used The Grief Recovery Handbook and I recommend it so often I should really put it on business cards, but your friend might do better with the workbook that goes with I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye.
A Grief Workbook for Skeptics is brand new and I haven't had a chance to flip though it at the library, but it's nice to see a book address the grieving process for atheists/agnostics. Not that the other books I recommended are religious-y, but atheists (like my husband) do have different grief needs than theists, and it's good to see those getting addressed.
Incidentally, I'm not a social worker anymore. I quit this morning. Not my job, I quit my career. I have MS, and it has finally come to the point that I can't work in any capacity, whether as a social worker or a dog walker or one of those people who dress up in banana suits and stand on busy streets spinning signs to get you to go buy a cellphone or something. I'll be applying for disability tomorrow. So henceforth, take my opinions as that of a former social worker.
Please give my condolences to your friend. They say that losing a child is the worst kind of grief imaginable. And it was (and sometimes is) pretty fucking horrible. But despite going through that, and two traumatic pregnancy losses, the thought of losing a spouse is terrifying to me. I can't wrap my brain around how I could function after that, and I'm saddened to hear that your friend has to live that nightmare. I hope one or more of these books is helpful. The only thing I think I can contribute is something someone once told me after my son died, when I was drowning in grief and wanted to know when it would go away. It never goes away, but one day you wake up and find that you don't mind carrying it with you anymore. It becomes a part of who you are. If you think that your friend would be helped by hearing that, pass it along, but if not just tell them that I'm sorry for their loss.
Hi!
I am in a similar position -- diagnosed ADHD-PI, but I have some "autistic traits" that don't seem to be covered by that diagnosis.
I wanted to share some things that might provide context or additional information.
As a disclaimer: ^(by no means am I commenting on your specific situation or diagnosis. I don't know you; I'm not a doctor; I'm not) ^(your) ^(doctor; I can't diagnose you.)
&#x200B;
>I still struggle with things like eye contact, fidgeting, self esteem,inner monologue anxiety, and displaying emotion
ADHD shares many symptoms with ASD, which causes the diagnosis to be very difficult. Actually several of your points here are shared with both:
Lots of good suggestions here, but I'll add: On Grief and Grieving by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and David Kessler. https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Grieving-Finding-Meaning-Through/dp/1476775559/ref=sr_1_4?crid=2TNKUIYPRCWA3&amp;keywords=david+kessler&amp;qid=1565071942&amp;s=books&amp;sprefix=David+Kessler%2Caps%2C163&amp;sr=1-4
I work with people who are grieving and your greatest gift will be your ability to sit with your loved one while they feel whatever they're feeling in that moment. They don't need you to fix it or them, they just need you to be there.
I'm sure your generous heart will carry you through.
My father passed away five years ago, and it was a huge loss; it (combined with other things) left me with PTSD that I am currently dealing with. Even though I was 31 at the time, a friend gave me a copy of Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss...it has a children's age/reading range, but is so applicable for adults as well. It's such a sensitive yet honest book about grief and death that has a very accessible message.
This is the cover of the book.
http://www.amazon.com/Why-People-Suicide-Thomas-Joiner/dp/0674025490/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1372193494&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=why+people+die+by+suicide
http://www.amazon.com/Myths-about-Suicide-Thomas-Joiner/dp/0674061985/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1372193494&amp;sr=8-2&amp;keywords=why+people+die+by+suicide
If you like Hunter S. Thompson, have you read this biography of him? http://www.amazon.com/Gonzo-The-Life-Hunter-Thompson/dp/0316005282/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1370561799&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=gonzo%3A+the+life+of+hunter+s+thompson
He's a crazy S.O.B. that's for sure. Also, his book on Hell's Angels is really good.
Seriously, go pick up this book.
So many great stories in there told by the people closest to HST.
Sacred Journey of the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman probably saved my life a few years ago. I don't really remember if that's because it was such an amazing book or because it's just what I needed during a dark time in my life. Tuesdays With Morrie by Mitch Albom is another really good book, but I wouldn't describe it as self-help.
For the yanks, here are links to the US versions:
book 1
book 2
I would definitely recommend the coloring/workbooks When Someone Has a Very Serious Illness or Help Me Say Goodbye, to help your daughter express her feelings and open up conversation. In terms of picture books, Chester Racoon and the Acorn Full of Memories is one of the few children's books that specifically deals with the death of a classmate rather than an older relative or a pet; you might also take a look at Ida, Always, a beautiful story of a friendship between two polar bears, one of whom falls ill and eventually passes away. Lifetimes is also a lovely (non-religious) explanation of death it as part of the natural cycle of life, and Gentle Willow is a metaphorical story about death featuring a tree and her woodland friends. Tear Soup is another good one that's appropriate for all ages. I hope some of these can bring your daughter a bit of comfort in the days ahead.
I would start by asking your child's therapist to point you towards resources that they recommend.
Borderline Personality Disorder in Adolescents is a good read, as is The Essential Family Guide.
I'd sign up for bpdfamily.com boards and ask for advice from the son or daughter board.
I'd also look into your local NAMI chapter and see if they have a monthly support group for family members.
Have a look at it!
You can heal your life - all about positive thinking and is basically the mother of all self help books
Raven: The Untold Story of the Rev. Jim Jones and His People
Long, detailed book that writes about the beginning of the church, their time in San Francisco, and how people started moving down to Guyana. You really get a better sense and scope of what happened. It's not just about the tragic end, but about the people who were there. They author who wrote this was injured on the airstrip. The book is disturbing though.
Life after Loss: A Practical Guide to Renewing Your Life after Experiencing Major Loss 1 and On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss 2
Tear Soup is a really lovely book for children and adults. It's a picture book, but I have bought it for kids and adults alike. The basic message is that it's okay to grieve in your own way, and it's okay to grieve for as long as you need to.
Oh I did. It's awesome. I have read a bunch of stuff of his. Have you read this? It's a very good (however long) read. It's a bunch of letters and stories written by his friends trying to capture what Hunter went through during his life.
Try reading Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide.
It's well written and one of the best comprehensive studies on suicide you'll find.
Just make sure you're in a 'safe' state of mind before you read it.
Greta Christina has a new book on this that's getting some good reviews.
http://www.amazon.com/Comforting-Thoughts-About-Death-Nothing-ebook/dp/B00QVLEQRU/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1422230162
I’m grateful for my girlfriend, family and friends who forgive my relapses so readily and so often. They truly want to see me beat this thing.
It’s been two weeks since I’ve used- maybe a day less- and am seeing a doctor tomorrow morning about the Vivitrol shot. Should’ve done this a long time ago.
Just finished reading Everything is Horrible and Wonderful by Stephanie Wittels Wachs, Harris Wittels’ older sister. There is so much pain and devastation wreaked upon the family of an addict. I can’t even imagine the impact if I died- how that would affect others around me.
Not really something I thought about much as an addict.
> As soon as I read the phrase "poster girl" I knew I wouldn't like this woman.
Redfield Jamieson back in 1999 or 2000 wrote a book called Night Falls Fast: Understanding Suicide possibly one of the classics to date on the subject, albeit coming from a preventionist perspective. I've read quite a few books on the subject but they've mostly been from a pro-choice perspective, hence I've managed to give this one a wide berth so far.
http://www.amazon.com/Gonzo-Life-Hunter-S-Thompson/dp/0316005282/ref=sr_1_16?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1289500932&amp;sr=1-16
^ I really enjoyed that book. Interesting stories from his associates and friends/family throughout his life.
I hadn't seen that FB post til now and I just read the whole thing and cried at my desk. That is an emotional rollercoaster. I wish I had to strength to be that open.
I really relate to so many things you're feeling right now. I've been going for blood draws at the fertility specialist who helped us conceive and I hate every second of it. I just want to be left alone and everyone else in the waiting room looks so excited and full of hope and I'm just dead-eyed in sweatpants.
My husband and I have been struggling a bit with dealing with this in very different ways. I feel like he's ready to get back to normal and I'm still crying in bed all night and eating waffles for dinner on the couch. I was recommended a book by my therapist that talks about how people grieve differently and how to be understanding and supportive. It was helpful for both of us to read. It's kind of strange because it looks like a children's book but it's definitely worth a read.
Currently Vince Gilligan has the rights to produce a miniseries based on the book Raven for HBO. No word on when the series is going to actually happen but it should be great if it does. I read the book earlier this year and it is absolutely fascinating.
If you like the idea of a final farewell or 'living funeral' you should read Tuesdays With Morrie it's a true story of an amazing man who celebrated his life like this with his closest friends
Here's the website with all of the books they read for research.
I would say read Raven which was written about 4 years after Jonestown if you want something that was more "in the moment"
GROUP THERAPY:
Title: The College Counselor's Guide to Group Psychotherapy
Editors: Michele D. Ribeiro, Josh M. Gross, and Marcee M. Turner
Link: https://www.crcpress.com/The-College-Counselors-Guide-to-Group-Psychotherapy/Ribeiro-Gross-Turner/p/book/9781138681965
Title: Attachment in Group Psychotherapy
Author: Cheri Marmarosh
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Attachment-Group-Psychotherapy-Cheri-Marmarosh/dp/1433813211
Title: The Interpersonal Neurobiology of Group Psychotherapy and Group Process
Editors: Susan P. Gantt, Bonnie Badenoch
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Interpersonal-Neurobiology-Psychotherapy-International-Analysis/dp/1780491778
SUICIDALITY:
Title: Why people die by suicide
Author: Thomas Joiner
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Why-People-Suicide-Thomas-Joiner/dp/0674025490
BURNOUT / SELF-CARE:
Title: Trauma Stewardship
Author: Laura van Dernoot Lipsky and Connie Burk
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Trauma-Stewardship-Everyday-Caring-Others/dp/157675944X/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1527694086&amp;sr=1-1
Title: The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good for You, and How to Get Good at It
Author: Kelly McGonigal
Link: https://www.amazon.com/Upside-Stress-Why-Good-You/dp/1101982934/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?_encoding=UTF8&amp;qid=1527694165&amp;sr=1-1
Author
I absolutely LOVED Tiny Beautiful Things. It is kind of a different read, as it's a series of advice columns done by the author Cheryl Strayed (who wrote Wild). I read it shortly after my MC, and it was quite perfect as there were two columns on MC/infant loss that were beautiful to read. I was bawling in the best way.
This seems like a fitting place to plug the book his sister wrote about Harris, addiction and loss. Comes out February 26th and all proceeds go to The Harris Wittels Foundation which gives scholarships to seniors at Harris' former high school in Houston
Organized support groups are incredibly helpful.
This is excellent: http://www.amazon.com/The-Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder-Sourcebook/dp/007161494X
Therapy from someone with a doctorate in Psychology who specializes in PTSD is best.
Start on one or all three of these things immediately.
You're not alone. Others have the same problems. Others have recovered. You can recover. It won't feel like it sometimes, but you can. You just have to keep fighting for it. Find someone who's been through it whom you can talk to in person over a burger or a beer. /r/ptsd isn't going anywhere, either.
If you'd like to say what town you're in, you might find someone here who'd be willing to meet sometime. ;)
My sister sent this book to my mother and I after we lost our father. While it made me cry, i also found it quite comforting. https://www.amazon.com/Tear-Soup-Recipe-Healing-After/dp/0961519762/ref=sr_1_2?keywords=tear+soup&amp;qid=1565737952&amp;s=gateway&amp;sr=8-2
https://www.amazon.com/Comforting-Thoughts-About-Death-Nothing-ebook/dp/B00QVLEQRU
Here you go friend :)
Tuesday's with Morrie by Mitch Albom will always be my go to favorite book. I read that in high school first after my boyfriend gifted it to me....I've read it two more times since. Sooo many great life lessons! seriously, it always brings me back to reality when I'm frazzled and stressed or having a hard time. It's so lovely. I don't want to give anything away though ;) Even if you don't read it for book club, read it on your own, it's a short, easy read :)
“Accept who you are; and revel in it.” -Mitch Albom
Nobody should make diagnoses over the internet, but, based on what you've said about her here, it's my personal opinion that your sister most likely has BPD.
To answer your question: there is a very high correlation between BPD and drug/alcohol abuse (just as there is between bipolar and drug/alcohol abuse). People with these disorders often turn to substances in order to numb the emotional pain that they're feeling when they're unable to use healthier coping mechanisms. Of course, the mental illness and the drug abuse combined make each respective problem even more problematic, so it's a particularly difficult cycle. It sounds like your sister would benefit from some dual-diagnosis-oriented treatment, but I'd say that the therapeutic work regarding her personality is the first priority here.
As far as how you should conduct yourself around her: this is a very complicated issue. I would personally recommend that you get your own therapist; even though they may not have specific experience in working with family members of those who have BPD, they should be able to help you deal with some of the difficulties that have arisen in your life because of your relationship with your sister. Also, I'd suggest getting some books about this topic, here are some good ones:
The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells
I Hate You--Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality
I'd recommend the first one for starters, and the second is good also.
One argument I remember hearing about was from the book Stay, which not only traces a lot of different philosophical responses to suicide, but the author posits her own argument based on the communal nature of people. She argues that since the best predictor of a suicide is knowing someone who committed suicide, so by choosing to abstain from suicide, you are not only preserving your life, but you're helping others stay as well. She was featured in the On Being podcast, which gave an interesting overview of her ideas.
Read this book: The Worm at the Core: On the Role of Death in Life https://www.amazon.com/dp/1400067472/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i896xbZNQ5HB6 by the founders of terror management theory. It is a fascinating and accessible look into how the awareness of our own mortality affects our judgments, decision making, cognition, and behavior in a range of situations. It is also a good example of research psychology. So many people go into psychology thinking about counseling/therapy and don't even know about the vast academic side that has nothing to do with that.
Your girl has trauma points on several levels that should be addressed. I'm going to hit you with a library of reference material. Self-help books are not a replacement for therapy! That said, knowledge is power, and these are excellent resources.
You need to be able to talk with her about this. Your relationship depends on it. In order for that to happen, she needs to feel safe talking to you about it. You should be able to express to her that you are upset by what happened to her, but no upset with her. You need to be very, very clear in your mind that that is true before you can be expected to convince her that that is true. Help her to understand that terrible things have happened to her - not just the rape, but all that shit going back to her abusive family of origin - that those things are not OK (that may sound ridiculously obvious, but someone that has grown up in that kind of toxic environment needs to hear that loud, clear and often), that they are not her fault, and that you love her and are prepared to support her when she needs you.
She needs to talk to a professional. Do you have access to a women's counseling center or women's shelter where you are? If you PM me your location, I will be more than happy to help you look for resources. Given what you've explained about her background, chances are very, very good she's suppressing post-trauma reactions. Children of abusive situations learn that it's futile - maybe even counter-productive - to express physical or emotional pain. She needs to get with someone who is trained to hear below the surface and help her.
Wow - I'm verbose.
tl/dr: Giant, waiving red flags all over her background. Get her to a trained rape counselor, educate yourself on the probable issues, be there for her.
Book recommendation: The Worm at the Core
There are two books I highly recommend you (and your parents) read:
I haven't read Randi Kreger's book The Essential Family Guide to BPD, but I imagine this might even be more appropriate for you/your family given this is your sister. Randi is one of the leading authorities on the subject.
Good luck, I'm sorry to read that you and your family are going through such a rough time.
I've had to read quite a few books about religious cults in particular as part of a study a while back. Some that were helpful to me (obviously I don't know what your study is supposed to be) then:
Under the banner of heaven by Jon Krakauer
Raven: the untold story of Reverend Jim Jones and his people by Tim Reiterman
Jesus Freaks: A true story of murder and madness on the evangelical edge by Don Lattin
Greta Christina literally wrote the book on this topic.
An interesting perspective is that without death, I wouldn't be here. I exist because the germ line cells in my body want to propagate themselves. If they were immortal, they wouldn't need a complex, multicellular support mechanism to accomplish the goal of continuing on into the future, they'd just continue. That a few grams worth of germ line cells require tens of kilograms of me to propagate is a consequence of the inevitability of death. I am my ancestors' way of fighting death.
Reading Rainbow! Or this one or even this one...
Sorry for your loss. Here's a really good grief recovery book: https://www.amazon.com/Grief-Recovery-Handbook-Anniversary-Expanded-ebook/dp/B001NLKYIS It's not religious or anything. It's hard, I lost my Grey several years ago and he was our only bird--the silence was awkward and unbearable. It does compound with subsequent losses--check my post history, we lost our cat of 18 years and dog of 13 in the same week. Grief is a very personal thing, my dog that we just lost was my soulmate dog--it's been two months and I think of him every day. Just was out at his grave before posting this. Time makes things better, hope you find peace. Hugs. :(
I offer anyone in need this book at not cost if they cannot get it. I am in no way associated with the publisher but this book helped me a great deal. It is not religious. This is a clickable sentence but the sub CSS might make it not look like that
I couldn't imagine the grief you going through. One of the beat tips I can give is write down your thaughts. I hate to write but I find it the most helpful for something I had to go through. I was reluctant to write down my thoughts but I felt so much calmer after I did it. Here is a book and a video that was helpful for me. Also group self help groups also helped me.
The Grief Recovery Handbook, 20th Anniversary Expanded Edition: The Action Program for Moving Beyond Death, Divorce, and Other Losses including Health, Career, and Faith https://www.amazon.com/dp/B001NLKYIS/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_15O8BbE823T3P
https://youtu.be/mEK2pIiZ2I0
J
Thanks just checked this out on amazon, and I'm going to order it.
I'll post the link here for it. If linking not allowed, Mods please remove it.
https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach is an absolutely amazing book on self love and accepting what is. I picked it up after Tim Ferriss recommended it on his podcast.
You Can Heal Your Life by Louise Hay is pretty much *the* book on self love.
I used to think that a self-aware machine-intelligence was not going to be created by human beings, whether or not such a thing is even possible, but I have started to change my view for a couple of reasons.
One is the understanding that self-awareness, that is, a sense of discrete identity, may not be a necessary component of a high intelligence. An exponentially more intelligent entity than any human might be perfectly possible without that entity being in any way self-aware.
http://www.beinghuman.org/metzinger
https://www.amazon.com/Being-No-One-Self-Model-Subjectivity/dp/0262633086/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_14_t_0/142-1611769-0902728?_encoding=UTF8&amp;psc=1&amp;refRID=HWRG615EE5F7GDRP2FMC
The other thing that may be that if machine AI continues to improve its ability to appear to be self-aware and human-like, it will pass Turing tests based on its sophistication and superior speed, even if it never actually becomes self-aware, and in this case, what's the difference?
Of course, it is useful to keep in mind that in attempting to create machine intelligence comparable to human intelligence, the human intelligence ha the advantage of three billion years of ruthless, make-or-break R & D....
In any case, I am fairly certain it's not such a hot idea.
Har de har har to all the comedians replying to you... here are some non-joke answers:
if this is your youtube channel it's pretty badass
I think you might really dig this book. I've found it to be one of the most important things I've ever read
https://www.amazon.com/Worm-Core-Role-Death-Life/dp/1400067472/
for a general summary of the subject, here's a video of the author giving a good talk about it
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tkkmInXfOE (video uselessly out of sync but audio is fine)
here's another newer video of him, much better audio and video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j7GZrgWKj9o
Yes, very much so. It is probably the worst part of ADHD.
Reason: Most communication is complex and most meaning is conveyed non-verbally. That means tone, body language, context, etc is important. All those details, and I'm too busy thinking about the trying to remember the words alone. Effectively, a person with ADHD isn't great with people early on and that builds on itself. Others will be pushed away, less social experience to practice right and wrong ways to interact, and still having the disorder that makes good listening just out of reach.
Great source, though a relatively old book: https://www.amazon.com/What-Does-Everybody-Else-Know/dp/1886941343/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1494214727&amp;sr=8-1&amp;keywords=what+does+everyone+else+know+that+i+don%27t
Not OP, obviously, but I wanted to share some good books with you that might help.
The Essential Family Guide to BOrderline Personality Disorder
http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Family-Borderline-Personality-Disorder/dp/1592853633
And
Stop Walking On Eggshells
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1572246901/ref=pd_lpo_sbs_dp_ss_1?pf_rd_p=1944687682&amp;pf_rd_s=lpo-top-stripe-1&amp;pf_rd_t=201&amp;pf_rd_i=1592853633&amp;pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&amp;pf_rd_r=0B9Z1FD4N51N5S9K72NC
I've heard 'What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't" by Dr. Novotni get recommended at least once on this sub, and saved it for later consideration/purchase. It is a social skills book specifically designed for adults with ADHD. Haven't read it yet, so I can't personally speak to it beyond to it being exactly about this topic, and liking the title.
I am sure there are also other social skills books that might not be specifically geared to ADHDers that would be good -- maybe even better?
I was scanning some papers I still had laying around, and that included some copies of chapters from two separate books that I remember thinking of as being potentially great resources. The first one is 'The Assertiveness Workbook' by Dr. Paterson -- which I suspect would be targeted more towards social anxiety, but might be helpful in that it would be explicit about how to assert yourself without being too submissive or too aggressive. Though, a potential drawback is that it might assume basic social skills -- though it might not, given that social anxiety would potentially cause one to doubt their understanding of social skills, thus making a review of social skills more defensible. The other was 'The Feeling Good Handbook' by Burns, a psychiatrist, specifically a chapter on "five secrets of intimate communication" -- I am not sure that would be worth buying the whole book or not, but the chapter looked good to me.
Note, I linked to Amazon on all books because it is a fairly standard, mainstream place for reviewing and purchasing books via the internet, and because it often includes previews of books -- it might be worth googling any one of these titles if any of them seem interesting enough. The lattermost one, for instance, is from the 1980s, so I am not sure what else you could find on it at little-to-no cost, and certainly local libraries may have one or more of these in stock as well. I was surprised to find my college library has some workbooks online for unlimited viewing (though limited copying/saving) through their website.
Hope this helps!
it depends on how open you are, but the book you can heal your life really got me thinking about positive thinking and life changes.
Maybe check out some of these books which could help her work through the process that is provided in therapy in a self-guided way. What I would recommend is that she set aside an hour or two a week to devote to this to keep herself consistent, but not overwhelmed by over-reading:
the sexual healing journey
overcome trauma and ptsd
the PTSD workbook
the PTSD sourcebook
Then these are not workbooks - but might help provide her insight and healing:
quest for respect
resurrection after rape
Hey there, welcome! I hope you enjoy your time here on RAoA! I recommend keeping your eye out for the adopt a newbie weekly thread, there you can post and someone will scoop you up and show you the way of things. I'm new to this sub as well, and have already met a hand full of great people, and I hope you will too!
Recommendations!
Movie: The most recent movie I watched was John Dies At The End. It's hard to explain what genre it is. It's like horror/comedy/sci-fi/thriller type. I really enjoyed the book as well. Recommend if you're into horror comedy!
TV Show: I just finished Nurse Jackie and loved the hell out of it. I was pretty sad when I finished it. I had to just like... sit there for a while and process it all. Even if you're not into medical drama type shows, NJ has a good dose of comedy and has excellent character development. I really enjoyed how well the writers were able to get you to love and root for the main character even when she's being a massive shit head.
Band: I'm going out on a limb here because you said that you listen to tons of different genres of music. I rarely ever meet people that share music taste with me, so on the off chance you do, here's the song that's been stuck in my head since Saturday: Hollow
Game: Sanctum 2! I almost never see this one talked about but holy smokes. If you like Portal, Sanctum 2 is great. It's FPS meets Tower Defense, and the best thing? It's multiplayer! My boyfriend and I had a blast playing through all the levels (of course with me being the mastermind of successful solutions). I'm actually really sad it's over. Trine 2 and Portal 2 were loads of fun to play with him as well.
Book: I'm currently reading East of Eden by Steinbeck due to peer pressure, but I'm looking forward to reading this next.
I have a few book recommendations if you'd like something to read in this time:
On Grief and Grieving by Elisabeth Kubler Ross - I haven't read this one yet but it's on my list of things to read next. It has a lot of great reviews and is a classic.
No Death No Fear by Thich Nhat Hanh - This is one of my favorite books. Birth and death are deceptive concepts and arbitrary notions we use to try to explain the world around us. Life just changes; life is not annihilated and life is not created from nothing. Nihilism and our society's Christian-influenced view of birth and death are two extremes and the truth lies somewhere in the middle.
When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron - This is my other favorite book. We're so afraid of feeling bad. We can't just let ourselves feel shitty about things sometimes. We want to escape and run away from it all, but that just makes things worse. The best thing is to just face your fears and sit with the uncomfortable feelings and be at peace with them. Everything comes together and falls apart and we can try to run away or try to face it. Bad things happen and you feel like the biggest piece of shit on earth but it's not true. Our view is just messed up.
I'm sorry for your loss and I'm sorry you feel like shit. I hope you can make a happier life for yourself :)
> -There are worse things than death to fear, like certain states of existence, hence suicide
Yes, if those states are inescapable. If pain is inescapable, how is that different from death?
> -The terror management psychology has not advanced beyond Becker's initial claims
A number of studies have been done, and case studies have been discussed in a book published recently: https://www.amazon.com/Worm-Core-Role-Death-Life/dp/1400067472
I think that Christianity's promise of "eternal life" is why it became much more popular/accepted than Stoicism in the West. Stoicism gives advice on how to live that's similar to the sermon on the mount in some areas, but people still have to come to terms with death. Christianity and all its variants (including mormonism) helps people:
Sure, it's a false hope, but I think it takes people time to come to grips with mortality...which is why humanity has found solace in religions for thousands of years.
This book was an interesting read on how our dealing with mortality influences so much -- The Worm at the Core: On the Role of Death in Life. https://www.amazon.com/Worm-Core-Role-Death-Life/dp/1400067472
I'm so sorry. Believe it or not, you will get through this. Just keep breathing.
I know it's hard. Just take it one day at a time.
One thing I highly recommend is reading the book On Grief and Grieving. You don't have to read it right away, but perhaps you can pick it up a few months down the road.
I know how you feel. That's how I felt when I decided to go to therapy and it changed my life and healed me of my constant panic attacks.
I strongly recommend seeing a therapist, and then adding on group therapy when you are ready as it does things even individual therapy cannot.
You can take control of your life back. Wishing you the absolute best.
Also, this book is amazing... BUY IT: http://www.amazon.com/The-Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder-Sourcebook/dp/007161494X
http://www.amazon.com/Being-No-One-Self-Model-Subjectivity/dp/0262633086
You may find this new book of mine helpful. It addresses many of the issues raised here. http://www.amazon.com/Stay-History-Suicide-Philosophies-Against/dp/0300186088/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1381454577&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=Stay+hecht
On Death and Dying by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross is the most prominent example that comes to mind.
This is a research-ish based book based on the author's experience working in hospice settings. Not sure what you mean exactly by the "theory" of death and dying, but this covers the experience/emotions terminal patients go through at end of life.
not personal experience but might be helpful.
in her book, Night Falls Fast, Dr. Jamison writes that after the suicide of loved ones, relatives are more likely to get depressed and, in some cases, commit suicide.
she also writes that most suicides try to reduce the harm that will be caused. they fail at the last moment because at that point the act becomes impulsive and irrational.
consider her book. she's been there. she attempted twice, but her friend succeeded. they promised to call each other if their next attempt was going to be serious. he never did. that was the first chapter and it taught me to never do the same on /r/SW. the call will never come.
i am half way through the book. and it's helping me be a better member (i hope) of /r/SW.
I saw a rec for this book. Might be useful?
https://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1886941343/additudemagaz-20
I understand completely and I'm in my 30s. I still feel like I miss some things even though I do my best to be aware of everyone around me. But like today, I felt really dumb at work. I'm not even sure if it's in my head, or I did something to make things awkward with a certain person. I broke down and bought this after having it in my cart for a while:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1886941343/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00?ie=UTF8&amp;psc=1
Not sure if that would help out you or anyone else here, but I thought I would give it a shot.
Choose your weapons:
>I often get sexually harassed, as most twenty-year-old girls do, and it kills me inside
Read everything in order by violent acres
Read what you can find by Thich Nhat Hahn
If you care to, read "The Post-traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook" by Glenn R. Schiraldi.
You can probably find it through your college library for free. . .
PAX
MCW
We avoid all thoughts of death in the west. We just don’t want to think about our loved ones or ourselves dying. That’s why we let funeral services deal with the whole thing and you pay them the big bucks.
A really great book by Ask a Mortician lets you get comfortable with the idea that you’re going to die and everyone around you is going to die and there’s nothing you can do about it, Smoke Gets in Your Eyes
Tuesdays with Morrie
Sweet pea,
You are an incredible woman. Based on your wise insights and ability to recognize various forms of manipulation, it is clear that you are in a class far, far above the man who is slowly, but relentlessly working to hold you as his emotional prisoner.
I have no doubt you can describe all the wonderful qualities he has; the bad things in life he’s been through; the sacrifices he’s made for you; and the vows you both made to each other; but at the end of it all is a simple truth: this marriage has served its purpose. It is time for you to move on.
You’ve learned things about love and partnership; jealousy and emotional manipulation; generosity and courage.
Therefore, You can be grateful for the wisdom this marriage has granted you, and you can honor yourself and your husband by proceeding with divorce.
You need to learn who you are without his influence and he needs to learn who he is without hurting you. Then, you both will be free and ready to move on to better things. You both will be free to find partners who are right for each of you.
So, when you doubt whether his bad outweighs his good, remember that it isn’t a matter of scale, it is a matter of compassion and compatibility.
Yes, you are young. But, the emotional toll that divorce takes can make the next few years fly by in a whirlwind. When you hit 30, things change. Mentally, physically, emotionally. If you always wanted children, now you’re on a clock. If not, but you know that in your heart you flourish in a healthy relationship, then you are on your own, determined clock.
I’ve been where you are and I’m still desperately constructing my new reality. It seems like only a few weeks ago I was 27. Now, I’m 33. In fact, just now I said “holy shit” when typing 33. Everything still feels so unreal, but I would not change my decision and I know that everything I do is in effort to make the most out of life. It is goodness.
If you take away anything, I hope that you’ll read the book that helped me through everything (decision, divorce, aftermath). It is Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar, by Cheryl Strayed.
You are worthy.
Have you read Being No One by German cognitive scientist Thomas Metzinger?
If not, then you haven't read enough, yet.
Here it is on Amazon.
The absolute best reference on the tone scale was written by Ruth Minshull in How To Choose Your People. The writing is interesting and entertaining, there are lots of useful examples, and I got far more out of the book than from all the LRH materials.
In the 70s her books were sold in the CofS, but -- for reasons I don't want to go into at the moment -- they had a falling out. You can only find used copies now or look for it online.
Another useful reference on the topic -- unaffiliated with Scn -- is On Death and Dying. Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross found that people facing imminent death went through specific stages: denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. This is essentially going downward through the tone scale.