Just going to leave this here.

I'm glad to hear it bud!!

Because YOU CAN!!

Introducing Taken by the T-Rex NSFW

A whole line of dinosaur erotica novels can be found!! So you don't have to necessarily see a T-Rex strip you can read about dinosaur erotica how awesome!?!?

EDIT: And don't forget Dino Park After Dark!!

EDIT 2: Or Ravished by the Triceratops


Here is the synopsis for Ravished by the Triceratops for those interested in Dino-Erotica

Beliria’s pride has gotten her into trouble again.

Before she can complete her rites of womanhood and take her place in the tribe, she must provide a kill for her tribe. Beliria chooses to hunt the most dangerous herbivore on the plains, the Tri-Horn. No single hunter has ever successfully taken a Triceratops, but Beliria is determined to be the first. Naked, with no food, water, or provisions beyond her weapons, Beliria sets out. Tracking the Tri-Horn, she lays a cunning ambush, but it isn’t cunning enough.

Her attack caused the big bull Triceratops to lose his mate. Now he intends to replace her- with Beliria!

Horrified and aroused by the horned giant, Beliria must find a way to control the situation, or she may find that this Tri-Horn is really too much for her to handle.

Author of Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt

and it's sequel Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"

Who could possibly pick a favourite when the good doctor's works include such tinglers as Turned Gay By The Existential Dread That I May Actually Be A Character In A Chuck Tingle Book, Living Inside My Own Butt For Eight Years, Starting A Business And Turning A Profit Through Common Sense Reinvestment And Strategic Targeted Marketing, and the renowned Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt'"'".

Of course, you can't help but to be drawn in by the honest titles, such as "Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"", even if it's just out of morbid curiosity or because you want to attain the highest level of irony ever witnessed.

Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt

https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW/

Well, uhh... there are all sorts of people in this funny world we live in.

https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1509554987&sr=8-2&keywords=clippy+romance

this is difficult choice i would say and probably it changes very much i would say i have always had kind heart towards REAMED BY MY REACTION TO THE TITLE OF THIS BOOK because it was first big meta tingler that i was proud of in this way. also SPACE RAPTOR BUTT INVASION because it made me a big timer. and last i would say NOT POUNDED BY ANYTHING AND THAT'S OKAY because i think this is important message of love that you can have a pounding way but sometimes its okay for our preferred pound to be 'no thanks' and i think this is important message and supports lifestyle of asexual way that is sometimes overlooked but VERY VALID AND IMPORTANT and also way of consent that its okay to say you are not interested of ANY REASON. you do not owe scoundrels anything when it comes to your boundaries buckaroo

Yep, fetishes may be less common but the practical and ethical issues of actually fulfilling the sketchy ones boosts the demand of fake stuff. Written or drawn erotica in particular tends to get weird in a hurry because the unique advantage of those mediums is that there's no real practical limit on what you can depict, which is how we ended up with the majesty that is Chuck Tingle. By contrast incest porn is easy for live action to co-opt because some actress calling a dude "daddy" is indistinguishable from regular porn with a little editing.

He can Gronk with one lung, but it won't be a Gronking to remember.

Agreed "Taken by the Tetris Blocks: An Erotic Short Story" is a challenging read.

ONLY FOR THOSE WITH 1 MILLION IQ ----> TAKEN BY THE TETRIS BLOCKS

u/drawinkstuff has brought Hidester burner email service to my attention as an option for people to fill out this survey. I've set my zip code as 08081 (Dicktown NJ) and name as Chuck Tingle, legendary Amazon gay erotica writer who amazingly parodied Trump himself.

> Jeremy was never quite sure about his feelings for Oliver, his gay pet dinosaur, until Oliver scores big and leaves home to pursue his dreams of being a dancer.

> Years later, the two of them reconnect for dinner in New York City, and realize that there may have been more to their relationship besides prehistoric pet and master. Now a wealthy socialite, Oliver the triceratops is willing to take another chance on Jeremy, and soon the two find themselves locked in a passionate evening of gay human-dino love.

> This erotic tale is 4,300 words of sizzling human on gay triceratops action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, and prehistoric beast love.

Wow.

http://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Triceratops-Craves-Gay-Ass-ebook/dp/B00QTTIJVI

You would probably enjoy this.

https://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ

But that's where you're wrong. On one end of the spectrum, we've got classics like "Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt", while on the other end we've got exciting titles like "A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced me Gay." And there's a whole world in between. "All the same," you say. To that, I respond "Ha!"

I think the modern version of these is A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay, which has one of the best opening lines of any synopsis I've ever read:

> The year is 2014 and dinosaurs have gained control of the world economy due to exceptionally accurate stock predictions.

well you asked

These, however, are all too real:

http://amzn.com/B00QZJWD0U

http://amzn.com/B00UJ01WBW

http://amzn.com/B00O14EKZM

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

Sorry...had to

Has no one ever heard of Chuck Tingle around here? Clippy Erotic Fiction is a thing!

Maybe he already did?

I've actually read his book. Don't be so quick to write him off as a creationist kook. I suggest you at least check out the book's description:

https://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Dinosaur-Forced-Me-Gay-ebook/dp/B00MCVVH6G

Well, on the off chance you change your mind, may I direct you to this?

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pounded-Pound-Socioeconomic-Implications-European-ebook/dp/B01HJXVP8G#immersive-view_1509551629919

Personally I found this a staggeringly insightful read into the state of homosexuality in the modern cultural and economic situation.

Naaaw. Nobody got pounded in the butt. Now if it were Gay T-Rex Law Firm: Executive Boner, Space Raptor Butt Invasion or even Professor T-Rex Teaches me Gayness then you'd have a Tingler.

I agree. It should be a sentient jet plane.

It would be quite the Gronking to Remember

He's responsible for the only good thing to have come out of the brexit so far, the amazingly titled Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union.

She obviously has not been introduced to Chuck Tingle and his bestseller 'Space Raptor Butt Invasion'.

Domald Tromp, I'm surprised you haven't heard of him, many books have been written about him.

Edit: Like this book

Taken by the t-Rex. It's women having sex with dinosaurs. What more can be said?

http://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1408713890&sr=8-1&keywords=dinosaur+romance+novel

People

Are

Very

...

imaginative

Dont forget Space Raptor Butt Invasion which was nominated for the prestigious Hugo award.

For those looking for more, t-there's a book too.
God please if there's a hell let it be gentle

In the other thread they mention a whole book.

Those have nothing on Conquered by Clippy: An Erotic Short Story . Nothing tops the frank eroticism of Clippy.

Here's a consolation prize.

​

https://www.amazon.com.au/Pounded-Butt-My-Book-Own-ebook/dp/B00VDRUI5Q

That's on the milder side of Clippy's erotica:

https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

Oh god, that first one has two sequels, Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt" and, as if that weren't meta enough, Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt'".

http://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

Thankfully yes. Check out the other books titles Chuck has written. Hilarious.

Slammed In The Butt By My Handsome Laundry Detergent Pod https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0795FV3LP/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_f.RLDbH8CXP0X

Plus where else can you conveniently get dinosaur erotica. The future is now!

I beg to differ

[Terrible dinosaur themed erotic novels are just one of those things, if you spend enough time on the internet you're going to run into it eventually, like nyancat, but less mainstream] (https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Handsome-Russian-Blackmailed-Getting-ebook/dp/B01MS6FO50)

Just had a look at his Amazon page, and I think you missed the 'best' one: http://www.amazon.com/Gay-Living-Billionaire-Jet-Plane-ebook/dp/B00SX6HS5I/ref=la_B00SF2MTYK_1_10?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1422602818&sr=1-10

If there is a book called "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt" on Amazon, there is a novel for your kink; or you haven't written it yet.

This is where I add the mandatory link to the Rob Gronkowski themed erotica series.

Nothin' to get you going like some good old Rob Gronkowski erotica.

14. Dinosaur takes woman erotically

Taken by the Tetris Blocks: An Erotic Short Story
> When blocks started falling from the sky, Christie Aackerlund welcomed them with open arms. Now she’s having a bad day working at work, and craving some fun and games. When she runs into Russian blocks that are looking to score, she’ll be the one falling … in love.

This is tame compared to some of the shit out there.

https://www.amazon.ca/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

> Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On

closest thing i could find

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Handsome-Russian-Blackmailed-Getting-ebook/dp/B01MS6FO50/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8

Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union

https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

It's real. http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00QTTIJVI?ie=UTF8&redirectFromSS=1&pc_redir=T1&noEncodingTag=1&robot_redir=1



I have the weirdest boner right now...

Rule 34

Think again!

You can say that again....


( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

(possibly nsfw): https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B01HJXVP8G

It does

Redirect them to Chuck Tingle, Pounded in the butt by my own butt

It's genius

You mean this one?

Plus this erotic short story

He's on Amazon: "Pounded in the butt by my own butt" There is even a sequel: " Pounded in the Butt by My Book "Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt" "

He also does IAmA some times https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/8i7e7f/im_chuck_tingle_two_time_hugo_award_finalist_and/

One time he poped into a IAmA with jeff goldblum to ask him who the most handsome dinosaur was/

https://twitter.com/chucktingle/status/1003768324205867008?lang=en

​

Looks like he has a new book: https://www.reddit.com/r/marvelstudios/comments/bbo5na/dear_marvels_buckaroos_this_is_for_you_revengers/

Tingle heard ya already, like, six times

This is my personal fave

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU#nav-subnav

You: reading peer-reviewed economic papers about Brexit.

Me, an intellectual: reading this.

Not sure if it has photos, but I think if a print version exists of Space Raptor Butt Invasion, it could be a worthy contender to something to make the TSA agent raise an eyebrow or three.

https://www.amazon.ca/Pounded-Butt-My-Book-Own-ebook/dp/B00VDRUI5Q/ref=pd_aw_sim_351_1/130-1252360-8155614?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=XNEVJ25SVZR1FDP1DTEH

The sequel

Helicopter Man Pounds Dinosaur Billionaire Ass (A Novel)

I learned today there is a cryptocurrency genre of gay erotica

https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Bitcoin-My-Butt-Handsome-ebook/dp/B073NF2Z9G

Which one of you wrote this?

Lots of people know much more about T-Rex sexual anatomy than we want. There's a whole series.

Here you go : https://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Dinosaur-Forced-Me-Gay-ebook/dp/B00MCVVH6G

But why is it a problem only with games?

Amazon allows anyone to self-publish their inane ramblings and make a couple bucks. Why shouldn't the gaming equivalent of "Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On" be allowed to exist?

It doesn't get much better than Taken by the Pterodactyl.

https://smile.amazon.com/Taken-Pterodactyl-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00NP1NNR8?ie=UTF8

Disappointed they didn't check out Space Raptor Butt Invasion and the other similar Dinosaur Romance novels

Here is also one with Clippy
https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

https://www.amazon.ca/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

Damn it! And in 2014, I apparently haven't searched for gay dinosaur erotica in a while.

This is the classic I remember originally finding. It's actually free to read with Kindle Unlimited, which I have, but though I'm really curious I feel to ashamed to check it out, even to laugh at.

Did he?

Fine literature? Epic poetry? Pshaw, I say.

My vote, of course, is for Chuck Tingle’s My Ass Is Haunted By The Gay Unicorn Colonel, or perhaps his magnum opus Slammed In The Butt By My Handsome Laundry Detergent Pod, or, really, any of the other fine Tingle titles only available on Amazon.com.

If that got you, you should definitely read this

I also found...

"A Billionaire dinosaur forced me gay"

The year is 2014 and dinosaurs have gained control of the world economy due to exceptionally accurate stock predictions. After graduating from NYU with a business degree, John is hired to be the assistant for one of the largest trading firms on Wall Street. His boss, the CEO of the company is highly regarded as the best businessman of the century. Only difference is that he is a dinosaur!

This is a 3,500 word hardcore gay erotic novel. It includes- Rough sex, dubcon, oral, cream pies and more!

Part Two Now Available! The Saga Continues!

edit: The essential sequel

Hmmmm...... sounds like you might enjoy Taken by the Pterodactyl

It's no A Gronking to Remember

A Gronking To Remember

Have Gronk, and based on the Gronk fan-erotica: http://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Gronkowski-Erotica-Series-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

There's a couple different routes you could go.

I've not used it myself, but Vellum is spoken of as the one of the nicest options. It's also quite pricey, but you could easily pay somebody to format it for you if you don't want to shell out the hundred or so bucks to have the program yourself.

Scrivener is another app that is spoken of highly. I've used neither of them personally, so take that with a grain of salt.

You could hand format it. Salacious Stories made a guide for erotica shorts, but I would imagine it would work for novels. It has the added advantage of Sal being a moderator on here who chooses to spend his free time being super goddamn helpful, and so if you have questions you can ask him directly.

The easiest route would be downloading it as a docx, ands chucking that into Kindle Create.

I'm not a formatting guru (though there are quite a few who hang out here), so I can only be of limited help, but that's the advice I'm capable of giving.

Congrats on getting your first novel done! Here's a celebratory tune I wrote just for you.

♪ Those smutbux will be coming round the mountain when they coooome ♪

♪ Those smutbux with be coming round the mountain when they coooome ♪

♪ Well enough with the chatter ♪

♪ Give me my happily ever after! ♪

♪ Those smutbux will be coming when they cooooooome ♪ ♪

Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union

There is also "Taken by Tetris Blocks

I'm not certain. Likely both.

Here's what I can tell you:

> I'm Gay For My Living Billionaire Jet Plane

> When Alex boards a red-eye flight from New York to Los Angeles, he expects nothing more than another boring business trip. Little does Alex know that the plane itself will soon lead him on a life changing journey of erotic, gay passion.

> After learning about the plane’s side business as a blackjack card counter, Alex agrees to meet the billionaire aircraft at his luxurious Beverly Hills mansion. But when things start to heat up by the pool, Alex is taught a lesson in more than just counting cards.

> This erotic tale is 4,200 words of sizzling human on gay plane action, including anal, blowjobs, facials, rough sex, and billionaire plane love.

https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

I'm a big fan of the series:

• Pounded in the Butt by my Own Butt
  
  
• Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"
  
  
• Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt'"
  
  
• Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"'"
  
  
• Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt'"'"
  
  
• Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"'"'

Source: https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU/

( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

How about Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"? Or the thrilling sequel, Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt'"?

It keeps going.

Or there's Angry Man Pounded By The Fear Of His Latent Gayness Over A Dinosaur Transitioning Into A Unicorn, if that's what you prefer.

https://www.amazon.com/Helicopter-Pounds-Dinosaur-Billionaire-Novel-ebook/dp/B011YHWHPI

I thought this was a photoshop... I was wrong.

Slammed In The Butt By My Handsome Laundry Detergent Pod https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0795FV3LP

If you haven’t searched Chuck Tingle on Amazon you are missing out. Eg “There's A Bitcoin In My Butt And He is Handsome”

Both examples of non-fiction.

Those who produce fictional content are kind of screwed these days. Barring some tremendously successful outliers (your JK Rowlings, Steven Kings, EL James's etc.) making semi-good money producing fictional content has gone the way of the dodo. The middle class novelist is no more.

Unless you crank out dinosaur porn and self publish on Kindle. Then you might be able to pull down 35k/yr.

Yeah, sorry someone already has a lock on the saurian sex market. Taken by the T-Rex is a classic. :)

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

¯\_( o_O )_/¯

https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Book-Gronkowski-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

Relevant Chunk Tingle (Somewhat NSFW)

Even more relevant Chuck Tingle

This, in that case, might be right up your street:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pounded-Pound-Socioeconomic-Implications-European-ebook/dp/B01HJXVP8G

(Very NSFW)

No harm in veiling it a little.

Just how fast is this Chuck Tingle guy anyway?

Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With A Video Of His Butt Getting Peed On

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO&ved=2ahUKEwjW3qqYlPTlAhXpw1kKHe1cD1cQFjAAegQIBRAB&usg=AOvVaw01hbQ3guklB5PwyYThUyTh

You want to get her a gronking to remember?

Especially when they come from space

If the Jets win I will buy this book and post a review of it in /r/WinnipegJets

https://www.amazon.com/Gay-Living-Billionaire-Jet-Plane-ebook/dp/B00SX6HS5I


Edit - oh shit I actually have to do this now

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

Clippy was featured in an erotic novel called "Conquered by Clippy: An Erotic Short Story"

You can buy it here

so more like Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt then?

I also feel like it's my duty to inform everyone that "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt'" also exists

and of course, don't forget to pick up the sequel -

Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"

Ah, sounds like the sequel the the riveting read:

Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union

Here's a Pilot title:

Pounded by the Pence: Making the Vice President Admit He is a Closeted Gay Man by Seducing Him and Making Him Love Himself Enough to Admit His Issues to the World and End His Stupid Policy Ideas

The premise for this book, and the first couple of reviews on Amazon are the best thing I have ever read.

There's a whole slew of these books... https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B00FI9JFFO/ref=dbs_a_def_rwt_bibl_vppi_i0

Although, in terms of trying to get as much as possible out of a title, can I recommend "Open Wide For The Handsome Sabertooth Dentist Who Is Also A Ghost": https://www.amazon.co.uk/Open-Handsome-Sabertooth-Dentist-Ghost-ebook/dp/B06X1DY3R9/ref=sr_1_3?keywords=dinosaur+erotica&qid=1568823828&s=digital-text&sr=1-3

Here you go.

Wait, and get this too!

right here but honestly everything Chuck Tingle writes is gold

Jesus Christ, it's real. I have no words.

When Alex learns that Britain has decided to leave the European Union, he’s shocked by just hold normal everything seems. But the calm doesn’t last as Alex is suddenly accosted by a giant living coin from the not so distant future.

In this horrific future where Britain has left the EU, four story busses lie strewn about the streets of London after a failed plan to cut costs, the Queen’s Guard have been replaced by flying reptiles with machine guns and the River Thames runs red with molten lava.

Now Alex and his handsome sentient pound must travel back to the past and sway the vote for European solidarity, by proving that all you need is love.

This erotic tale is 4,200 words of sizzling human on monetary unit action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies and living pound love.

Reminds me of this

Erotica novel named "There's a Bitcoin in My Butt and He is Handsome" is available on Humble Bundle, buy buy buy!

That author has one about tide pod sex lmfao

Someone needs to do a new bitcoin ad campaign promoting bitcoin buyers as edgy and badass.

Snapshots:

1. This Post - archive.org, [megalodon.jp*](http://megalodon.jp/pc/get_simple/decide?url=https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Bitcoin-My-Butt-Handsome-ebook/dp/B073NF2Z9G "could not auto-archive; click to resubmit it!"), archive.is
   
   ^(I am a bot.) ^([Info](/r/SnapshillBot) ^/ ^[Contact](/message/compose?to=\/r\/SnapshillBot))

https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Bitcoin-My-Butt-Handsome-ebook/dp/B073NF2Z9G

Not gonna lie the plot sounds solid, maybe you could try putting on the amazon store as an ebook, after all there is this gem there

http://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

Rule 34.

My favorite book right now

https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

Here is a story about a woman fucking a T Rex available on Amazon.

You literally can't be worse than that.

I still haven't read this, but I really keep thinking I should get it for myself as a Christmas present:

http://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

http://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ

To be fair, I'm pretty sure those are just fetish tags describing someone's fantasy post, not anything intended to be interpreted as literally true or even plausible. Basically, anyplace on the internet where people can post dirty creative things inevitably gets lots of really weird shit. Else, how do you explain Chuck Tingle?

https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

Have you seen his other book?

Conquered by Clippy

I want to use Amazon's 'Read for Free' on this, but I share my Kindle account with my dad...

I would like to see some original cover art for the book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt" by Dr. Chuck Tingle.

^^^Yes ^^^it's ^^^a ^^^real ^^^book

Even I never get the goddamn title right. :)

A Dirty Filthy Book Story in a Pretty Fancy Dress

I think this is relevant to your interests... https://www.amazon.com/Helicopter-Pounds-Dinosaur-Billionaire-Novel-ebook/dp/B011YHWHPI

https://i.imgur.com/gRQ3u8T.jpg

Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union

> When Alex learns that Britain has decided to leave the European Union, he’s shocked by just hold normal everything seems. But the calm doesn’t last as Alex is suddenly accosted by a giant living coin from the not so distant future.
>
> In this horrific future where Britain has left the EU, four story busses lie strewn about the streets of London after a failed plan to cut costs, the Queen’s Guard have been replaced by flying reptiles with machine guns and the River Thames runs red with molten lava.
>
> Now Alex and his handsome sentient pound must travel back to the past and sway the vote for European solidarity, by proving that all you need is love.
>
> This erotic tale is 4,200 words of sizzling human on monetary unit action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies and living pound love.

Hier is je inspiratie:

Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union

the patriots don't joke about their Gronk. Remember?

Are you a fan of dinosaur romance novels?

The tragic irony: Dr. Chuck Tingle is his nom de plume IRL.

Edit: for legal purposes, I wish to make it clear that this comment is tongue in cheek. AFAIK, the hateful and asinine commenter has no relationship to Tingle, who is merely horny and asinine.

Relevant

for anyone who doesn't get the reference

I believe so, yes. I googled 'pounded in the butt' (risky, I know) and this came up as the top result by the same guy: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UYC1ASU/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_L8u.ybDQK4J8T

He also wrote "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt". How meta can you get?

http://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

He also fancies himself as "The Greatest Author of our Generation". I don't know him, butt I already love him. http://www.chucktingle.com/

Handsome, dominant, billionaire planes. But my favourite is, and will forever be, Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt".

Sort of relevant

Nothing compared to Chuck Tingle's works.

My personal favorite: https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Pound-Socioeconomic-Implications-European-ebook/dp/B01HJXVP8G/

Oh my God Its real

Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On

2.99 on Amazon. Can't make this shit up.

Somewhere Chuck Tingle is wealthy and laughing.

And for the real bitcoin lover there's https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Bitcoin-My-Butt-Handsome-ebook/dp/B073NF2Z9G/r

What the fuck

Relevant 'book'.

I'm guessing dinosaur erotica...

The link suggests it's from a book. And Amazon carries some WEIRD books

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00FI9JFFO?ie=UTF8&redirectFromSS=1&pc_redir=T1&noEncodingTag=1&fp=1

A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay

Yeah, I suggest that you don't click BTW. Or the cookies ads will follow you everywhere.

Does it involve dinosaurs and extreme gay sex acts?

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00QZJWD0U/ref=pd_aw_sim_351_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=Y4QDKMJTB8E896AYJRD4

http://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Gronkowski-Erotica-Series-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

From Buffalo? Wtf Gronk is the man and I'm not even a New England fan. There's even erotic literature about him.

Short version:

First, go look at Dr. Tingle's amazon page. (Really. It's a thing of beauty.) Dr. Tingle has been bringing his own particular brand of love to the reading public for years now.

Fast forward to 2016.

There's an award in science fiction and fantasy called the Hugo. For the last three or four years, the award has become politicized, in a social-conservatives-vs-liberals way. The butthurt is flowing like a river on both sides of whatever the controversy was initially about.

Last year, a guy on the conservative side noticed that he could game the voting. One of the moves he made was to encourage his followers to vote for Dr. Tingle's work Space Raptor Butt Invasion. This book ended up on the Hugo ballot for Best Related Work.




The ironic twist is that Tingle is in fact a genius in the Mister Rogers vein (well...sort of...) and, as a result of these shenanigans, his message of Buckaroohood is finally getting the broader recognition it deserves.

This reminds me of coming across a book on Amazon and I lost it at the title. (I didn't read it though) I didn't know getting screwed by a raptor was a common fantasy. Even worse it's apparently a trilogy

https://www.amazon.ca/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1520304933&sr=8-1&keywords=space+raptor&dpID=51XR3M4I5UL&preST=_SY445_QL70_&dpSrc=srch

Chuck Tingle.

OP irl

This is some Conquered by Clippy bullshit going on

I expected to hear about the famous book Pounded in the Butt by my own Butt

Oder das da.

It's super easy to learn, honestly I would recommend anyone who self publishes to learn this part of the process because it is best to have fine control of it.

So learn up on some basic CSS, read this book but instead of doing all the stuff she says about formatting the text in word (search and replace), copy and paste your word document into this tool and let it do allll the work for you.

Otherwise, play with different CSS on your title pages (look at other authors for ideas), learn to embed custom fonts (fancy), and learn how to code a TOC from scratch (not hard! it's basic css).

I use Sigil personally because it gives me fine control of everything. You can use Calibre as she instructs, but Sigil is XHTML and will get pissed off if you screw anything up so it's a bit safer to me.

Why hand formatting instead of just grabbing Vellum and formatting for people? Vellum doesn't teach you shit, and you'll give people a better KENP by doing handformatting. You can do all that fancy Vellum shit with handformatting, and you can squeeze more pages out of it which is what everyone wants. How many more pages?

Some more schmuck uploaded this long ass story from a word document to Amazon and got 200 pages out of it. Using proper formatting, it went to 600+ pages. That is an uncommon example, but handformatting is nearly always better.

Re: formatting — there’s a guide by SalaciousStories on the FAQ that’s only 2.99 or something. I’m not familiar with Udemy or Skillshare, but I really wouldn’t pay for a course on it. Good luck!!

ETA: so my guess is I can link this one?
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00WIPMMEC

Pounded By The Pound

best tingle book by far

speaking of brexxxit

https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Rob-Gronkowski-Erotica/dp/150585766X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1475235969&sr=1-1&keywords=a+gronking+to+remember

by Hugh G. Rection.

Found this book awhile ago and had a laugh. Apparently dinosaur erotica is a thing.

I tried looking for Taken by the Pterodactyl but came up empty. Your websites don't have the smut I need, old man.

A Gronking To Remember

PV=nRT.

The volume (V) and moles of air (n) in a given football will remain constant as the temperature drops, as does R (the ideal gas...well, constant). So if we exclude for the time being natural leakage, forcing air out due to spiking the ball, etc., the only variable affecting the pressure of the ball is the change in temperature, such that a drop in temperature will effect a proportionate drop in pressure.

Assuming the balls were initially inflated to the minimum standard (12.5 psi), a drop to 10.5 represents a drop of 16% (unlike the difference between Kelvin and Fahrenheit, which will become crucial in a second, pressure is an absolute measurement so since we're only interested in proportions it makes no difference whether we use psi, atmospheres, pascal, bar, torr, or whatever). Assuming the balls were inflated at room temperature, that's 77 degrees Fahrenheit or 298.15 Kelvin. For a 16% drop, 298.150.84=250.446K, or -8.86 degrees Fahrenheit.

It was not 9 below in Foxborough.

There are other explanations: Perhaps the ball received A Gronking to Remember* (dunno if that's enough to explain a loss of this degree), natural leakage (ditto), a faulty gauge, etc. Doesn't prove cheating. But it's clearly not due to temperature loss, which has been the go-to explanation for a lot of people (the science of it aside, the temperature loss excuse was never likely anyway because the ideal gas law isn't exactly a brand-spanking-new discovery, and the NFL's been playing cold-weather games for a long time so if that's all there was to it then surely this would have come up before and been addressed already).

Unless I'm completely screwing the math up, which is entirely possible.

Well it looks like Sherman, is the bad guy again.

It hasn’t been this bad since Crabtree lost in man-to-man.

But because of all this madness, we’ve missed one major thing:

Travis Kelce flagged a ref, just as great as the Gronkening.

Publishing on amazon is great. So much inovation that could never have been achieved otherwise. Like the classic Space Raptor Butt Invasion https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00S4B95RQ?pc_redir=T1





Also, u/warlizard makes a lot of money off it. I don't know if the two are related, but I have my suspicions.

This is barely the tip of the iceberg when it comes to Chuck Tingle. His novels could probably put this sub out of business.

Example

and another

Chuck Tingle Says Otherwise

Would the quality of such fiction be comparable to the masterpiece of fiction that is Conquered By Clippy?

So, I couldn't find any definitive answer to this saddly... though one link sent me on a dive down quite a rabbit whole leading to... this . Doesn't really clear anything up... at all.. and now I feel moderately uncomfortable having this irl Clippy staring me down all day o_O. Maybe I'll turn him/her to face the door in my office to stare down visitors instead.

I don't know how to reply to this so I'm just going to say that clippy is a rapist.

It's already been done.

So, in other words, a Chuck Tingle book.

I'm going to second Henkel's guide being out of date and broken. I used his guide to format my first novel and my KENP was atrocious. Salacious really took the time out of his day to help me fix it. Use his book instead, it's up to date!


Filthy Book in a fancy dress

Avoid using Word to create anything with HTML coding. In my experience, Word likes to add all kinds of kludgy bloat to the file to make it really damn obvious you coded it with Word. You want to use a far more barebones text editor like Notepad, Notepad++, or Jarte (there are others out there as well) if you're going to manually format. I wouldn't be surprised if something about how Word is handling the HTML coding is what's fucking up your font display.

Edit to add: For a good guide on formatting, you might consider checking out A Filthy Book In A Fancy Dress. There's a lot of step by step explanations in there on how to handle manually coding your books.

OK, I'll start things off. I had a pretty good week - sales picked up from the previous week, and my latest stories are doing pretty well.

The most important thing though is that yesterday I successfully hand-coded an ebook! Using the great guide "A Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress" as well as Guido Henkel's guide, I was able to reformat an existing book, add in all the backmatter, convert it to an epub file, upload it to Amazon and test it out on my new Kindle - and it looks great! I strongly recommend both those guides to anyone who is thinking about starting hand coding. I was helped by the fact that I'm very computer savvy, but I think anyone could get the hang of it with some practice!

So this week the goal will be to reformat a bunch of my existing books, starting with the newest books and the top sellers. Extra smutbux, here I come!

I got a bundle with Write. Publish. Repeat., Let's get Digital, and How to Market an E-book. Good stuff. I think they have a podcast too, though I forget what it's called.

Did you use tabs to get the indents? I can pretty up the format, but honestly, taking out all the tabs is just too much work. There's this book you can check out too.

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Book-Own-ebook/dp/B01FDZJHGO

Here's a sneak peek of /r/wtfamazon using the top posts of the year!

#1: Ideal for....night blogging? | 6 comments
#2: Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union | 5 comments
#3: Color: Smoking | 0 comments

----
^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^Contact ^^me ^^| ^^Info ^^| ^^Opt-out

Clearly she's talking about Domald Tromp

Not sure about doors but it can penetrate butts

Ethereum is not the first to introduce crypto concepts via the medium of erotica/porn:

For example, there's this charming book on Amazon:

There's A Bitcoin In My Butt And He Is Handsome

I'm tempted to buy this and in the same order buy a huge stack of Chuck Tingle gay erotica so they appear in the "people who bought this also bought..." list.

For those who don't know Chuck Tingle, here is a very NSFW sample.

That's why I recently started reading There's a Bitcoin in my butt by Chuck Tingle. It's refreshing to switch to another writing style sometimes.

I was gonna link this book, but it's not romance, it's non-fiction

Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On (Kindle Edition)

Domald Tromp

http://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Rob-Gronkowski-Erotica/dp/150585766X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1420765800&sr=1-1&keywords=a+gronking+to+remember


odd... still seems to be up.

this is not a palindrome

And I shall link this item because for that price, it better do all the work for me!!! Plus, it's on sale!!! ;)

Thank you for the contest!!!

Dino Erotica

A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay

Beh problemi nei confronti di chi ama i dinosauri?

All I needed to Google was "Billionaire Dinosaur".

A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay

https://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Dinosaur-Forced-Me-Gay-ebook/dp/B00MCVVH6G

Conquered by Clippy: an erotic short story

By the same author:

• Fingered by Twitter
  
• Taken by the tetris blocks
  
• Invaded by the iWatch
  
• Coaxed by the Copyright page
  
• Rammed by the Reviews for this book
  
• The minions in me
  
• Pounded by Pluto
  
• And more...

A Gorking to Remember, the best-selling followup to A Gronking to Remember

Sounds like a chapter in A Gronking to Remember

http://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt

Buy 6 copies of this.

There is apparently an entire series of these:
Pounded in my butt by my own butt


Cheesy Puff came to life and pimped my gay ass


I Seduced Bigfoot to Save Broadway from the Homophobic Sasquatches...And I Liked it!


But the prize has to go to :Pounded by The Biker Rainbow Come to Life!

You can use Amazon's preview as you publish, but the best way to get a clean finished product, IMO, is converting everything to .mobi before you upload. You just get so many chances to look at it as the reader will see it.

I use a combo of what I've learned from Guido Henkel, u/SalaciousStories' A Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress, and my own experiences and techniques, but the last step is always to open it up in Kindle Previewer and see exactly what the customer will see.

I have been waiting for someone to say this.

Here is Helicopter Man Pounds Dinosaur Billionaire Butt.

https://www.amazon.com/Helicopter-Pounds-Dinosaur-Billionaire-Novel-ebook/dp/B011YHWHPI

It's a "gay" e-novel. If a male helicopter having sexual relations with a male billionaire dinosaur is gay.

I warn you in case you don't want your Amazon to recommend weird, weird stuff to you by clicking on that link.

You're getting downvoted for some reason, but it's a real book and he just keeps going

Relevant (NSFW probably)

So I found out this existed

http://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Rob-Gronkowski-Erotica/dp/150585766X/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1420758418&sr=8-1&keywords=a+gronking+to+remember

I laughed my ass off

Over 10K? Fancy!

1. Wow
   
   
2. [this is ridiculous] (http://www.amazon.com/ID-Glide-Lubricant-8-5-Package/dp/B00CAD8X0E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394037442&sr=8-1&keywords=most+expensive+item+on+amazon)
   
   
3. [my not $10,000 item] (http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00BTBPCWA/ref=wl_it_dp_o_pC_nS_ttl?_encoding=UTF8&colid=3PUDRV5AUIVNP&coliid=I12PRDO9F1YXJS)
   
   Cool contest!!
   

Ooooh shiny!

This must be amazing

Want this/ Need this


Over 10k? Fancy!

No Taken by the T-Rex

http://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

Yeah, it’s definitely women screwing dinosaurs.

https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO/ref=nodl_

“Description
Drin is her tribe’s chief huntress; she lives for the thrill of the hunt. Men and sex hold no allure for her, as Drin has never found a partner to satisfy her. When a T-Rex descends upon her village, destroying it, Drin demands that the tribe’s hunters go in search of the beast and slaughter it. Opting for safety instead of revenge, the tribe moves to a new location, hoping that the big beast won’t follow them.

It does.

Drin taunts the beast, giving her tribes mates time to flee. As she runs, leading it through a gauntlet of traps, the thrill of the hunt soars through her blood, leaving her wet with desire. When the angry T-Rex corners the huntress in a box canyon, it seems more interested in her wet womanhood than in her flesh.”

The sequel is available on Amazon.

Well do I have a book for you

DON'T LET YOUR DREAMS BE DREAMS

Aren't you the one collecting this crap?


https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO


How dare you oppress OP for your sick fetishes?

Have you considered self publishing as an e-book via amazon? You might be the next dino-erotica explosion.

Oh come on. This is satire, isn't it?

Holy wow. Apparently it's a real book sold on Amazon. It's still early out here but I can't wait to see what my wife (who loved 50 Shades) makes of this.

[Edit] My wife has no interest whatsoever in dinosaur-related erotica.

> you can sell this kind of smut if you wanna lose the bestiality

Or not

Someone in another thread told me the were-shifter genre (including various species of were animals) is like the single most successful erotic genre on amazon. Don't know if it's true but there certainly are a lot of them.

And then there's this.

Oh man you like shitty books too?

There's also one for Tetris and the iWatch:

https://www.amazon.com/Taken-Tetris-Blocks-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00QZJWD0U/ref=pd_sim_351_1?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HH8EY2BY2Y2JAP1G6RX9

https://www.amazon.com/Invaded-iWatch-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00V2WXYO4/ref=pd_sim_351_2?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&refRID=HH8EY2BY2Y2JAP1G6RX9

Staltus wasn't wrong.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00QZJWD0U/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_t1_2kZQAbZ69E1A6

https://www.amazon.com.au/gp/aw/d/B00RN7TNHE?fp=1&pc_redir=T1

Believe it or not, that's one of the results Google gave me on a keyword search: https://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ

I could not possibly make this shit up

Can't wait to see what new features they bring in the Tingle update.

Chuck Tingle is that you?

Excuse me sir, but there are several visionaries in the MLP FanFic community that have gone on to great things. One brony went on to sell 50 copies of his autobiography on Amazon's self-published platform. He may become the next Chuck Tingle!!!

Oh

my

god.

Are

these

all

actual

books?

Idk

why,

but

I

love

this.

This Chuck Tingle person has some niche fetishes

That may be so, but surely this is the pinnacle of cheap erotic fiction.

[Clippy features in amazon erotic novels now] (http://www.amazon.co.uk/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW) NSFW

Oh yes.

4 star erotica: "I like it when your hands bend be to take that large load of paper. mmnm"

You'd be surprised.

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Book-Own-ebook/dp/B00VDRUI5Q

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Book-Own-ebook/dp/B018ZZQKJQ

This will make your week then.

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

Don't forget the sequel: Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00VDRUI5Q/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_ykDVDbP7R45S8

We must go deeper

Yeah, I use Calibre for every one of my books.

Is it as flashy as Vellum or some other software for ebook formatting? By no means. But it's free and it will get the job done. And, frankly, learning how to use it is probably time well-spent, even if you end up moving on to different software in the future. /u/SalaciousStories has a book called Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress that taught me the basics of how to use Calibre and I highly recommend it.

It's probably this one: https://www.amazon.com//dp/B00WIPMMEC/

How about something like this:

If you're looking for more control over what your book will look like when published (i.e. page breaks before chapters, special chapter headings, etc.) you will want to look into hand-formatting. Here are a couple of books that go into further detail: Here and here!

A Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress is a good place to start for hand formatting books.

I think the standard rec for hand formatting is sal's Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress...

There are also free ebook templates on the web, all you need to do is ask Google. But... if it gives you such a headache, why are you messing around with HTML in the first place?

Any particular reason why you don't want to upload your file as doc/docx?

Alternatively, there are plenty of free formatting options - like using Calibre, a plugin for Open Office (like Writer2Epub), an add-on for Sigil, or online services like Reedsy.

I use /u/SalaciousStories' hand-formatting book, A Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress. It's great! I highly recommend it.

There are a couple of things to be aware of. Calibre no longer automatically generates a mobi book when converting your zip documents to epub. You need to do this manually. If you don't want an extra TOC at the end of your book, make sure to check the "Do not add Table of Contents to book" option on the Mobi Output tab.

I have bad news about clicking an image in a mobi ebook. From what I can find, Mobi does not support that option. I tried everything I could to get it to work, then searched the net and discovered it isn't possible. You need to add a text link before or after the image with instructions to click there. It sucks, but that's the only way I could get it to work.

If anyone knows a solution to this problem, please share!

I don't know if you can use hosted images in an ebook. I wouldn't recommend it. What if something happens and the link doesn't work, or if the reader isn't connected to the net? I read most of my ebooks offline, so that would certainly be a problem for me.

I recommend embedding the image in the ebook itself. I use the "Save for Web" feature in Photoshop to reduce the size of my files if size is your worry. I don't know what software you're using, but check to see if it has a similar feature. I use <img src="image-name.jpg" alt=""/> to embed my images. Just make sure all images are included in the zip file you hand off to Calibre.

Hope this helps. Best of luck!

Oh have I got something for you.

Cut back or abstain from smoking weed. Self-medicating like this will sap yoir motivation and hurt you in the log run. Is this is good as it gets? Hell no. Look into daughters eyes when she is truly happy. That's as good as it gets. Now take a bow...because you helped make that happen!
Employers aren't calling you because they haven't figured out a way to make money off you, or they are making money off someone else. Why not use your savings to find out what you can do that is self-sustainable. Can you write about people fucking? Chuck Tingle writes books about books pounding people in the butt and he will retire long before you or I will (self-publish erotica if that was too obtuse).
Do you. Be you. Become yourself. Stop smoking weed and learn how to market it (legally, not dealing). You've got the time. I the US, it will probably be legal within five years. Elsewhere it will be legal in five years and five minutes. This is what they call a "growth opportunity."

You might like this: (NSFW) https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Pound-Socioeconomic-Implications-European-ebook/dp/B01HJXVP8G#nav-subnav

I found this and the follow up sequel here

Warning: NSFW

Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union is honestly one of the most insightful books on the subject. Truly a tingle-worthy essential.

"Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union"

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pounded-Pound-Socioeconomic-Implications-European-ebook/dp/B01HJXVP8G

Bestseller IIRC.

Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union

That series goes 2 levels deeper, iirc.

Also, don't forget Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union and, of course, its sequel, Slammed By The Substantial Amount Of Press Generated By My Book “Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union".

There's A Bitcoin in my Butt and He is Handsome

Ahem. Amazon link. Maybe NSFW.

Wait, wasn't this a satire on Trump and Putin being gay lovers?

Edit: Never mind, that was this.

Chuck Tingle you say?

Rear entry?

https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Bitcoin-My-Butt-Handsome-ebook/dp/B073NF2Z9G

Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On

https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Bitcoin-My-Butt-Handsome-ebook/dp/B073NF2Z9G

Slammed In The Butt By My Handsome Laundry Detergent Pod

Good news op! Its available for free with the Kindle app.
https://www.amazon.com/Slammed-Butt-Handsome-Laundry-Detergent-ebook/dp/B0795FV3LP/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Das ist doch von gestern. Sein neuestes Buch ist über Tide Pods

Or how about this one: Slammed In The Butt By My Handsome Laundry Detergent Pod - https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B0795FV3LP/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1527119993&sr=1-2&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_QL65&keywords=tide+pod&dpPl=1&dpID=51vbv7PlnVL&ref=plSrch

Are you perhaps thinking of Chuck Tingle's 2016 work Slammed In The Butt By Domald Tromp's Attempt To Avoid Accusations Of Plagiarism By Removing All Facts Or Concrete Plans From His Republican National Convention Speech or his more recently published Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On?

https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Bitcoin-My-Butt-Handsome-ebook/dp/B073NF2Z9G

Perhaps I could interest you in this

Paperback is available again

Link #1 This looks so cool.

Link #2 For all your safe sex needs.

Please surprise me! Over 10k? Fancy!

1. Http://www.amazon.com/Appartment-sale-Agrigento-San-Leone/dp/B00BQHRUZE/ref=sr_1_56?s=toys-and-games&ie=UTF8&qid=1393957376&sr=1-56&tag=rwe56bhw34-20
   
   
2. Http://www.amazon.com/ID-Glide-Lubricant-8-5-Package/dp/B00CAD8X0E
   
   
   
3. Http://www.amazon.co.uk/La-Roche-Posay-Anthelios-SPF50-Melt-In/dp/B000XMIHGO/ref=wl_it_dp_v_nS_nC?ie=UTF8&colid=3KRN0GN3ATTS1&coliid=I1A7DLVW5BKHMM
   
   Over 10K? Fancy!

Over 10K? Fancy!

-this is over $10,000

-so is this but it shouldn't be

-this is under $10,000

Canon telescope lens

trio of lube defiantly shouldn't be.

Heres a cake topper

Over 10K? Fancy!

Surely you can find something cheaper than this when you need it.

Nice watch.

My item

Over 10K? Fancy!

That better be some good lube...[NSFW...? Idk..it's a bottle of lube]

My not so fancy taste

Ooh, you fancy, huh?

Huh? NOT fancy

Fancy for under $10

Over 10k? Fancy!

Thanks for the contest!

Over 10k? Fancy!

1. Bob Dylan's Harmonicas
   
   
2. Lubricant, seriously
   
   
3. Spock, My Final Frontier
   
   

some really amazing works out there.

Taken by the T-Rex and 50 Shades of Paleontology have to take the cake...

http://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1408721643&sr=1-2&keywords=dinosaur+erotica

This book actually exists.

https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO&ved=2ahUKEwjj5MiH_6TgAhUH7J8KHTnsBO0QFjAVegQIBhAB&usg=AOvVaw01hbQ3guklB5PwyYThUyTh

"Got a call from my IT guy, Reddit if fine for us but limit your search to knowledge stuff please"

Ahem, because this...

I mean I know it ain’t the same but they do have dinosaur porn, a relatively good amount. Hell they even have homosexual dinosaur centric erotica.

See - https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

And - https://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Dinosaur-Forced-Me-Gay-ebook/dp/B00MCVVH6G

http://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

That's just a cheap imitation of better books like Taken by the T-rex, [Sexy Underwater Lock Ness Adventure] (https://www.amazon.com/Sexy-Underwater-Loch-Ness-Adventure-ebook/dp/B00RSUD2QE) or the entire Cum for Bigfoot series.

In related news: I have now googled 'dinosaur erotica' on a work computer and found this on Amazon:

Taken by the T-Rex

After clicking on some other related suggestions on Amazon I assume that in the future from now on both google and Amazon will keep my apparent interest in fucking dinosaurs in mind when presenting me with personalized search results.

I read about it on Cracked, I think. There is a whole series apparently.

http://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

Maybe the star of this fine book:

https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

False : the best romance novel title is "Taken By The T-Rex"
http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00FI9JFFO?pc_redir=1395938575&robot_redir=1

1. ass goblins of auschwitz and I Don't Care If My Best Friend's Mom is a Sasquatch, She's Hot and I'm Taking a Shower With Her
   
   

2. Since you're into weird shit like that, you'd probably like this

I NOMINATE TAKEN BY THE T-REX .

What a rip off.
A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay is only $2.99.

Have you seen those self published books about the dinosaur porn? They are hilarious! The logistics though...human woman and T-Rex? She had to take some creative liberties with how anatomy works.

(Between you and me I don't think they're based on science.)

ETA link and excerpt- seemed wrong not to.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NP1NNR8/ref=rdr_ext_sb_ti_sims_3

One pterodactyl swoops in and picks her up, taking her to his nest. She fully expects to be eaten by the massive beast, but when it starts to peck her clothes away, leaving her naked, she begins to understand that the pterodactyl might have carnal pleasures in mind. Dianne finds herself excited by the prospect and acquiesces. But can Dianne accommodate such a massive creature?

And Italians are some of the sexiest people on the planet so there is a segue there :)

So what you're saying is your billionaire triceritops ... doesn't crave gay ass? :)

Serious answer: https://www.harpercollins.com/9780062457714/the-subtle-art-of-not-giving-a-fck

Joke answer: https://www.amazon.com/Go-F-Sleep-Adam-Mansbach/dp/145584165X

MISTERY ANSWER: https://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Triceratops-Craves-Gay-Ass-ebook/dp/B00QTTIJVI

The related books are all excellent. My favorite: http://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Triceratops-Craves-Gay-Ass-ebook/dp/B00QTTIJVI/ref=pd_sim_kstore_9?ie=UTF8&refRID=1E6Q2PGQHFSJ3637CCDR

https://www.amazon.ca/gp/aw/d/B00QZJWD0U/ref=pd_aw_sim_351_1?ie=UTF8&dpID=51Ld012-bmL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_OU15_AC_UL100_SR100%2C100_&refRID=KKX49YVEVGD7K4QCS5HA

"When blocks started falling from the sky, Christie Aackerlund welcomed the excitement. Now she’s having a bad day working at Squawker Media, and craving some fun and games. When she runs into some Russian blocks that are looking to score, she’ll be the one falling … in lust."

https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Book-Gronkowski-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Book-Gronkowski-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

A Gronking to Remember by Lacey Noonan. Just your average run of the mill Gronk fan fiction.

We all want A Gronking to Remember!

So glad that it's back on Amazon. The blurb is a riot. Going to buy this now.

EDIT: Read the book. It was one of the funniest books I've read in a while. This success is well deserved.

EDIT2: Better yet, listen to Morgan Freeman read the book.

The cover is a hard one, artists are not that cheap. I sometimes feel good Indie books can be hiding behind a stick figure! (But I don't have time to find out ;3).

Spacefaring Dino Erotica is where it's at ;3.

start writing about a sex topic? that sounds worse than the date to the Museum of bachelorBroken Relationships.

Hopefully some wag in the group is a fan of author Chuck Tingle - no windmills, just good ol fashioned Dinosaur erotica (amazon link: Space Raptor Butt Invasion, or the important piece of literature "Dressed Up Handsome And Not Pounded Because Cosplay Is Not Consent"

And thus I give you the following Hugo nominated work:

https://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ/

Let's be honest THIS is why you use a Kindle.

Haha, no. =) But I thought this book was really helpful, I bet you could get a lot out of it: A Drunks Guide to Managing Expectations and Being Decent

I've gone on a bit of a rant so skip if you like... recovering from a really bad cold has left me with too much time on my hands.


I think what shocked people was killing Sean Bean (one of the only characters with mainstream name recognition)... also viewers versus readers.

​

SF/F is mainstream--I don't understand why people buy into it being niche. Everything from Harry Potter (main characters die left and right, morally ambiguous characters abound), the True Blood/Twilight series, Tolkien (main characters die left and right, morally ambiguous characters abound). The problem is the fantasy readership who want to gatekeep what fantasy is--namely epic fantasy. If you haven't read the modern classics of epic fantasy then you aren't a fantasy reader (which excludes a lot of very good fantasy coming out that isn't written in pseudo-medieval England). The reason these tropes aren't surprising is because there is a glut in the market. It is the same in the romance genre where stories are reused because readers want a quick escapist read with easy to follow stories and recognisable landmarks.

​

As for mainstream/non-genre fiction, everything from American Psycho to Gone Girl, not to mention classics like The Great Gatsby, have problematic protagonists and/or main characters dying. YA fiction is full of this kind of thing as well -- 13 Reasons Why for instance.


Sorry for the rant but it really pisses me off when people (general, not you specifically so this isn't an attack just a vent) say that SF/F is niche. Ok, yes, so I've been reading SF/F since I was a little kid, but I pretty much read everything that isn't biography. I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't read some fantasy whereas there are loads of people who haven't read science fiction or romance or graphic novels. But there is still this rigid gatekeeping about what fantasy is (for example someone told me True Blood was women's fiction and not fantasy). There is this idea that ASOIAF was the first big cross-over as if adaptations of Tolkien, Rowling, Myers (barf), and Charlaine Harris weren't wildly popular years before.

​

Sanderson (btw, I love Sanderson and have been following him since Elantris first came out) is fundamentally wrong. Sure anything can happen in fantasy but anything can happen in any genre--Space Raptor Butt Invasion and Chuck Tingle's work, in general, is a very good example. Sanderson's comment reduces fantasy to a setting/background--which it isn't and shouldn't be. I'll say this though: most epic fantasy is just a backdrop to the hero-makes good story. So in that sense he is correct. Swift's Gulliver's Travels is probably the best use of fantasy as a genre ever--because it uses the 'anything can happen' attitude and uses it as a critique of society. So I'd modify Sanderson's point to say that SF/F is a genre that provides the distance between the reader and society to better critique and understand the world we live in. Otherwise, it is just background and a sandbox for wish fulfillment--which is totally valid it just shouldn't be treated as the definition of what fantasy is.

​

Rant over. I'm going to make myself some tea and reflect on just spewing a bunch of thoughts on the internet as opposed to considered responses. TGIF

>but I'm not sure if it does in western media, like I've never heard of stuff like this before

https://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1488046851&sr=8-1&keywords=dinosaur+butt

No movie yet, but here's the book Space Raptor Butt Invasion.

The titles of these Chuck Tingle books are too good

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Gay-Living-Billionaire-Jet-Plane-ebook/dp/B00SX6HS5I/ref=pd_sim_sbs_351_4?ie=UTF8&dpID=51dFEIT66SL&dpSrc=sims&preST=_UX300_PJku-sticker-v3%2CTopRight%2C0%2C-44_OU02_AC_UL160_SR100%2C160_&psc=1&refRID=3C639XS0JJ7MXNBMZ9CX

https://www.amazon.com/Gay-Living-Billionaire-Jet-Plane-ebook/dp/B00SX6HS5I

Granted.

You must devour every book Chuck Tingle has ever written. This includes his timeless classic, I'm Gay For My Living Billionaire Jet Plane.

In case y'all fuckers don't believe me:

https://www.amazon.com/Gay-Living-Billionaire-Jet-Plane-ebook/dp/B00SX6HS5I

well it is

THE BOOK LINKED BELOW IS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF WHAT HUMANS WANT FROM US.

LINK: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00SX6HS5I/ref=mp_s_a_1_5?qid=1462407179&sr=8-5&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=gay+plane&dpPl=1&dpID=51dFEIT66SL&ref=plSrch

Clippy has its own erotica on Amazon.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UJ01WBW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_awdb_srKjzb6VBHQV2

Archives for the links in comments:

• By Yesofcoursenaturally (deviantart.com): http://archive.fo/NvswE
  
• By skeletor_999 (amazon.com): http://archive.fo/4EFuY
  
• By Izkata (myanimelist.net): http://archive.fo/6lCuR
  
• By matthew_lane (twitter.com): http://archive.fo/LLlSf
  
• By Cathy_Newman (ninertimes.com): http://archive.fo/boodo
  
  ----
  I am Mnemosyne 2.1, Actually, it's about ethics in governing. ^^^^/r/botsrights ^^^^Contribute ^^^^message ^^^^me ^^^^suggestions ^^^^at ^^^^any ^^^^time ^^^^Opt ^^^^out ^^^^of ^^^^tracking ^^^^by ^^^^messaging ^^^^me ^^^^"Opt ^^^^Out" ^^^^at ^^^^any ^^^^time

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00UJ01WBW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_erUezbQ038BWV

This wall poster

A wonderful way to clean your cat RIP Lue

NSFW begins here

Anything by this man His books include

• Pounded in the Butt by My Own Butt
  
• Gay T-Rex Law Firm Executive Boner
  
• I'm Gay for my Living Billionaire Jet Plane
  
• Leonardo Decaprico Finally Wins His Award And It Pounds Him In The Butt
  
• And many many more
  
  Whatever this book is about the microsoft word paperclip

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

https://www.amazon.ca/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU/ref=nodl_

Maybe this book will solve your questions

I write in VIM hand-formatting as I go. Before I start a story I run a custom bash, script story.sh, that builds a cast, outline, blurb and story file. The story file populates with a pre-formatted table of contents and chapters in html.

After I'm finished I run another script that builds epub's, mobi's, pdf's for all platforms as well as shrinking my cover file into various size jpg's for all platforms. It populates front and backmatter based on pen name (stored in seperate folders), with unique backmatter for each storefront.

The same script uses pandoc to convert to doc, docx for nook and d2d. Still tweaking to get clean documents that can be uploaded directly to nookpress.

Not an ex-coder, just a hobbyist but if you're interested I'd be happy to send it over. It's taken the P out of PITA when it comes to actually publishing and once I have a book ready it takes about half an hour to publish it.

epubs throw no errors on kobo or google play. That took a looooong time to figure out.

I love the dark comfort of the command line and love vim. I know there's a VIM vs. EMACS flameware that's been raging for centuries but have not had time to delve into it. Care to elucidate the difference?

Also, props to /u/SalaciousStories book Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress . That really helped me get my css act together.

Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress (I was just about to edit my comment to recommend it, too)

Two books that I've seen recommended here and found really helpful, though they're more about the meta and marketing side of self-publishing:

A Filthy Book In a Fancy Dress, will help you format your ebooks and make them more appealing:
https://www.amazon.com/Filthy-Book-Fancy-Dress-Formatting-ebook/dp/B00WIPMMEC

And Naughty Ink, which deals with marketing your books, including sections on everything from keywords to bundles, specific advice for each of the big self-publishing websites, etc:
https://www.amazon.com/Naughty-Ink-Erotica-Publish-Successful-ebook/dp/B00L8ERJVU

Is it this one?

Super helpful guide.

Vellum is insanely easy to just jump into using. Yes, it's got a stiff price tag, but I think it's just one of those "the cost of doing business" things. Plus it's obviously a professional write-off (so is a laptop or whatever you write on). The books come out looking beautiful, and all the research I've done has Vellum at the top for best KENP count.

That said, hand formatting allegedly can get you a little more if done correctly. I don't at all have the time to get into learning it, but if I did, I'd probbly go with /u/salaciousstories 's book on how to do it. I know people who've read it and rave about his guide.

But yeah, Vellum if you just want to click and go. It's so damn easy, the books look incredibly professional, and your KENP is basically the best you can get.

> Anyone have tips for formatting?

Oh boy do I! Honestly, for the first few months of shorts, I just did things on Google docs then uploaded a docx file to Amazon. That worked fine and looked okay and let me focus on what was important: writing more shorts.

If you want to get fancy there's a bunch of way to go: you can use Scrivener, apparently, as you're doing. If you have a Mac and want them to look really pretty you can get a program called Vellum (there are ways to get it on your PC, too, by simulating a Mac, if you really want Vellum). The two programs I've heard mentioned for Windows (or Mac) are Jutoh and Sigil.

Finally, if you want to invest a fair amount of time learning stuff, don't get frustrated very easily, and want complete control over your books, you can do something called hand formatting. That's where you go in and use HTML to make your manuscript look nice. I just learned how to do this and find it quiet satisfying. Check out A Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress by Cooper Kegel and Zen of eBook Formatting by Guido Henkel. Henkel also has a series of blog posts if you want a quick overview of what you're getting into. Both of the books are free to read with Kindle Unlimited though, I believe, and you can get a free month of KU if you're not already signed up. It's quite useful for doing market research anyway.

But, anyway, if your just getting started I'd say: just make it look nice in a Word doc and upload that.

P.S. I don't really know what I'm talking about. Just repeating what I've learned so far.

https://www.amazon.com/Helicopter-Pounds-Dinosaur-Billionaire-Novel-ebook/dp/B011YHWHPI#nav-subnav

Can't forget that this exists...

Already an erotic dramatization: Helicopter man pounds billionaire dinosaur's ass: a novel

You should settle for being the next Chuck Tingle.

Honestly, this was that moment for me.

No worries, Chuck Tingle's got your back fam!

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Pound-Socioeconomic-Implications-European-ebook/dp/B01HJXVP8G

Scriviamo qualcosa come tipo questo?

> When Alex learns that Britain has decided to leave the European Union, he’s shocked by just hold normal everything seems. But the calm doesn’t last as Alex is suddenly accosted by a giant living coin from the not so distant future.

> In this horrific future where Britain has left the EU, four story busses lie strewn about the streets of London after a failed plan to cut costs, the Queen’s Guard have been replaced by flying reptiles with machine guns and the River Thames runs red with molten lava.

> Now Alex and his handsome sentient pound must travel back to the past and sway the vote for European solidarity, by proving that all you need is love.

> This erotic tale is 4,200 words of sizzling human on monetary unit action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies and living pound love.

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01HJXVP8G

I got you covered.

That sounds like a Chuck Tingle novel...

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Pound-Socioeconomic-Implications-European-ebook/dp/B01HJXVP8G

Remind me of this book (Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union) by Chuck Tingle.

This list badly needs this book in it. https://www.amazon.co.uk/Pounded-Pound-Socioeconomic-Implications-European-ebook/dp/B01HJXVP8G

There's a lot of unicorns, too. Some bigfoots (bigfeet?) And quite a few metaphorical concepts, like Pounded by the Pound: Turned Gay by the Socioeconomic Implications of Britain Leaving the European Union

>Actually naziism isn't compatible as a philosophy with sikhism

Then stop promoting nazi propaganda.

>But I guess that anything a nazi said is wrong by virtue of having been said by a nazi?

It's both wrong and nazi propaganda, both of which have been repeatedly demonstrated throughout this thread.

>I'm not lying about Jewish people you idiot.

You lied about the Rothschilds, who are Jewish.

> I'm saying that the banking system has nothing to do with Jews

"Yes the World Bank and Federal Reserve etc are controlled by a small group of private banks, which includes the Rothschilds"

You literally said it has to do with Rothschilds, who you singled out.

>But also kind of ironic that whilst I argue that the corruption of World banking

Can you even explain what "World banking" is, because it clearly isn't the US central bank for the rather obvious reason that it doesn't operate globally. Is it the World Bank? Is it both?

----

ReAd A BoOk

At least we're moving on now.

Why "Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On" by Chuck Tingle (Amazon), is the "Madame Bovary" of my generation.

I like to find some of the weirdest shit imaginable that I would still treasure. Also, some stuff for hobbies that some people might think is pretty weird if they don't know anything about the hobby. Or in other words...normal.

BOOKS:

• A Gronking to Remember (Rob Gronkowski Erotica Series Volume 1--because there are several)
  
• Adventures in Yarn Farming
  
• Hand Job: A Catalog of Type
  
• The Medieval Household: Daily Living c.1150-c.1450
  
• Prehistoric Textiles: The Development of Cloth in the Neolithic and Bronze Ages with Special Reference to the Aegean
  
• Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere (Three Novels)
  
  NOT BOOKS:
  
  
• A Christmas tree ornament of an anthropomorphic Unicornman wearing pink lederhosen
  
• A Christmas tree ornament of a bare-chested, beefcake Santa Claus, as a centaur
  
• A CD from a Mongolian folk-metal band that uses traditional instruments and polyphonic singing
  
• A big, wooden thing that spins and stretches out
  
• A leash and harness so I can take my pet rabbit for a walk
  
• Poison
  
• Textured Vegetable Protein ("Bacon Bits"--Who wants to come over for dinner? :D )
  
• A comic that has the following, riveting synopsis:
  
  Catfish's daily grind of 'enhancing' poultry comes to a halt when he is accidentally tripped up by a loose chicken, causing him to fall victim to his own process. What proportions of his that were once human are now beyond anything normal. Add villainous corporate and military big wigs, a roller-skating weapon-toting chick named Kitten Kaboodle, a gang of tattooed babies, and there's still that enormous beach monster... And what you have is MONDO, in all its raging glory!

He's a legendary womanizer. Women even write erotic literature about getting fucked by him: http://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Rob-Gronkowski-Erotica/dp/150585766X/

Watching him play is like watching porn.

I welcome the flood of NFL erotica. A Gronking to Remember sounds amazing

Well, if showing your awesome office supplies let you score, you can use this

[Here] (http://www.amazon.com/ID-Glide-Lubricant-8-5-Package/dp/B00CAD8X0E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1394947406&sr=8-1&keywords=most+expensive+item+on+amazon) is another over priced item with entertaining reviews!

I was doing a dinosaur exchange for redditgifts and I kept getting suggestions for dinosaur erotica like this Lol I thought it was hilarious!

I think Christie Sims could be what you're looking for.

There romance novels about hooking up with dinosaurs. Whatever your kink, Amazon's got ya covered!

https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

I think anyone who's sane will wish of GRRM reading such a masterpiece.

It has already gone there. (NSFW warning, although that should be obvious given the context.)

You can blame Christie Sims for stealing them all.

https://www.amazon.ca/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO


Dinosaur erotica is an undervalued genre

https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

We know

I haven’t played Xcom 2 yet, I just wanted to say I really like your username. Reminds me of this series, which are 100% real.

Who are you to judge my decision to listen to
interspecies erotica books on CD on my drive to work each morning, with the windows down and speakers on max? "As he slipped his glistening member into her well-oiled cloaca, she squawked in pleasure, stroking his chest with her sharp beak." Oh yeah, that's the good stuff.

Speaking of which, anybody know an open directory where I can obtain that seminal classic Taken by the T-Rex?

I have a link to a [literary masterpiece](https://www.amazon.com.au/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO) you may be interested in...

​

edit: fuck it, I tried

https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

This book just drives me wild.

He could get some action from the ladies who enjoy this:
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

But there's erotica that doesn't glorify abuse which FSOG does. They should make a movie from this though- I would pay to see it because it's probably hilarious.

I thought you'd suggest your Autobiography, Red Raptor.

> I literally judge books by their god damn cover. Saves time, I don't expect "taken by t-rex" https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO to have the secrets of the universe within.

In one case, you've determined a book is bad because you don't agree with the politics of its author. In another case, you've successfully determined a fucking erotica novel doesn't have secrets of the universe in it.

The fallacy of false analogy is strong with you.

>God damn, that's literally judging a book by its cover.

I literally judge books by their god damn cover. Saves time, I don't expect "taken by t-rex" https://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO to have the secrets of the universe within.

>There is nothing quite like intentional ignorance because I disagree with someones political stances. The only feasible way you could understand why their positions are wrong is to know them first. You're skipping that step and just making giant assumptions because you have it "all figured out".

I asked someone 3 comments ago made a radical claim without evidence, I asked about it, a suggestion to read 600 page book is not an argument.

Otherwise I could suggest "democracy the god that failed" by hoppe; anytime I run into someone who suggests democracy as a solution to a problem, its an incredibly boring book on an equally boring topic by someone with yet another title that again no one should give a shit about; I don't do this as I respect your time enough to stick to shorter if less formal arguments; I'd like the same respect.

FYI this is an actual thing

• T-Rex
  
• Velociraptor
  
• Triceratops

http://www.amazon.com/Taken-T-Rex-Dinosaur-Erotica-Christie-ebook/dp/B00FI9JFFO

Dinosaur erotica does exist...

Definitely this.

Make sure you read the reviews, so you can see how it has helped others.

A lot of people find economic coercion and manipulation delightfully kinky. There are genres of erotica devoted to it. Among other things...

Let's not forget these https://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Dinosaur-Forced-Me-Gay-ebook/dp/B00MCVVH6G#nav-subnav

http://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Dinosaur-Forced-Me-Gay-ebook/dp/B00MCVVH6G

What about stupid subjects, like this book

https://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Dinosaur-Forced-Me-Gay-ebook/dp/B00MCVVH6G

Trigger warning, a challenger appears;
http://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Dinosaur-Forced-Me-Gay-ebook/dp/B00MCVVH6G/ref=pd_sim_kstore_16?ie=UTF8&refRID=09RHJX1CB3K06QSSDXEE

Enjoy

Maybe this one, Taken by the Pterodactyl?

“Book for kids”
So we are not gonna talk about the fact that when you search for this on Amazon you also can find Dinosaur Erotica: Taken by the Pterodactyl (Dinosaur Erotica) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00NP1NNR8/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_Zk76BbM4ZCT1F

TIL Dinosaur Erotica is a thing...

> I think this is the definition of underestimating someone. Just sayin'.

Incorrect, underestimating is seeing what someone has and under valuing it or disregarding it. I did not see what you held until you showed me. And now that you have, I value it as highly as it obviously should be.

> .......true....

Silly little lizard. Next time try it on the other side of the fence, it's fun. 8)

> You trying to kill the glory that is our wallversations? Because I'm not okay with that.

Not so much kill them, just... Well, I'm starting to feel as though what I am saying is more for your eyes only.

> Masochist!

Does that mean you're a Sadist?

> Uuuuuummm.... that's called plagiarism, so now we're going to have to scrap the WHOLE FREAKING BOOK. THANKS, MAN.

I AIN'T PLAGIARIZED NOTHING IN MY LIFE. IT WAS AN EXAMPLE OF HOW AN IDEA CAN WORK, NOT AN EXAMPLE OF AN IDEA I STOLE. I'm gonna mess you up, girl.

> Oh no, you are not starting ANOTHER dissing contest. You're just going to have to learn to live with your humiliating defeat.

I'm not starting a dissing contest. I'm starting a dissing ONSLAUGHT. Where you just get FUCKED UP by sick, awesome disses. 8D

> Where do you even come up with this shit?

I've been around, my love. I've seen the shores that border on other worlds. I've seen things your nightmares would fear.

And I would LOVE to write a romance novel as stupid as SOME - OF - THESE.

> HaHa! You're old! And joke's on you, MY COLLAR DIDN'T HAVE A BELL.

Yeah, well...

Mine did.

> You just had to say it, didn't you?

Say what? That's what Insane Clown Posse is, you know, ICP.

> As long as "floozies" isn't in that definition, then we're good.

Alright that's good. Can they still wear red dresses?

I was involved, see HERE and it was literally the week of my conquest of Parthia lol.

As for the horses, I'm aiming for this. Horses could also use scale armor, but if you prefer it to be a single tech, sure.

https://www.amazon.com/Billionaire-Triceratops-Craves-Gay-Ass-ebook/dp/B00QTTIJVI

+chucktinglethanks:

well i have been writing for a very long time ever since i was a young buckaroo in HOME OF TRUTH UTAH this is where i grew up i was there and it was very lonely just me and mom and dad (everyone else packed up buddy) so it was just us not even the dang taxman thats what dad always said anyway i would write and hide my storys under the floor because it was not SUPPORTED BY MY FAMILY but then there was the BIG FIRE and after that i was on my own no stories no house no nothing so then i started walking it was a long walk but i got picked up a few times LONG STORY SHORT ending up in billings montana that is where i live you anyway i was still writing and then now that i am older son jon said 'hey you should publish these stories online i can help you edit and my bud SAM RAND can help you put them online he is a self publishing man' so then son jon and sam rand helped me make my stories online first one was MY BILLIONAIRE TRICERATOPS CRAVES GAY ASS and that was a real hit. THE REST IS HISTORY BUDDY thanks

https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Book-Gronkowski-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

Here ya go!

don't give Lacey Noonan any ideas

https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Book-Gronkowski-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

I always assumed he would star in this book adaptation:

A Gronking to Remember: Book One in The Rob Gronkowski Erotica Series

[A Gronking to Remember] (http://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Gronkowski-Erotica-Series-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE)

And now we know how "A Gronking to Remember 2" will start.


For the confused - Amazon Link

Here's another one for you
https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Book-Gronkowski-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

Are you Lacey Noonan?

https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Book-Gronkowski-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

Somehow this story is still being sold... this doesn't answer your question at all, but I think some people might find it funny :)

https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Book-Gronkowski-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

Ah, I got you fam.

https://www.amazon.com/Gronking-Remember-Book-Gronkowski-Erotica-ebook/dp/B00RN7TNHE

Here is the desktop version of your link

Trashy romance novels... buddy who rides dinosaurs...

Space Raptor Butt Invasion?

https://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ

If Space Raptor Butt Invasion can get at least 40 readers to buy it, anything is possible.

Edit: oh my god, there’s a trilogy

Edit 2: ....apparently it’s actually pretty good? Disturbed and fascinated.

I kind of want to buy this book now

Edit: This book

> Where is the place to share this sort of information? Asking for a friend.

https://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ/

Space Raptor Butt Invasion

Personally I think Space Raptor Butt Invasion is better.

https://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ

The rest of the script leaked. Hammer boy Gendry still wants to bang her in dragon form, the rest of the script can be found here

Great fantasy

lol sassysquach doesn't have anything on space raptor butt invasion

https://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ/

Amazon lists nearly 600 books classified as "Dinosaur Erotica", including this beauty, Space Raptor Butt Invasion. So yeah, 60 for Illuminati Self Help doesn't sound as weird in the context of knowing that...

It will be. [Specifically this one.] (http://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1450322497&sr=8-2&keywords=pounded+in+the+butt+by+my+own+butt)

http://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8

Is this a joke or does he really have a PhD from DeVry in holistic massage? It is actually believable...

thank you very good tips from a good writer. maybe more books about dinosaurs?

http://www.amazon.com/Space-Raptor-Invasion-Chuck-Tingle-ebook/dp/B00S4B95RQ/

didnt know this was a hit hollywood book until my son edited it for me thanks

As someone who's subscribed to /r/amazonwtf and /r/pieceofshitbookclub, trust me when I say that there's way weirder stuff out there

I prefer airplane erotica

This may be relevant top your interests.

Where you can buy the book!

"No reasonable person" Come on there's Clippy erotic novels https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

I'll just leave this here...

Sexy Clippy? May I present Conquered By Clippy: An Erotic Short Story

> Christie Aackerlund doesn’t need help with anything. So when the world’s biggest technology company offers to fly her to a remote location and investigate an alien artifact, all by herself, she’s all like “I’ll do it!”

> But the artifact isn’t what it seems, and soon an overly helpful giant living paperclip is getting her all bent out of shape.

> Conquered by Clippy is a 4000 word short story featuring sexual situations with digital assistants. It’s for super mature audiences only.

Ima gonna leave this right here for you: https://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

There have been less reasonable people

I’ll just leave this here

Thanks for sharing. Here is a little something for your efforts: https://www.amazon.ca/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

Weird. I just saw this erotic ebook involving Clippy promoted on Twitter. Dude gets around.

I'm still reeling from Microsoft Clippy.

INDEED.

https://www.amazon.ca/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

This Chuck Tingle book is basically a documentary on the topic.

Further reading.

several copies of this book.

Perhaps this? https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

Relevant e-book [Slightly? NSFW]

Dr. Chuck Tingle would like to have a word with you. ^read ^^the ^^^discription

Clearly these people aren't familiar with the works of Chuck Tingle.

I bet you guys don't even read Chuck Tingle.

This: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00TLXWVRM

Maybe this: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00UYC1ASU

Unfortunately, this one is out of your budget: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B005MR3IVO

Really? It wasn't Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"?"

Or the controversial sequel Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Book 'Pounded In The Butt By My Book "Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt"'"'?

Yo, check out Salacious's book from KU. [A Filthy Book In A Fancy Dress] (https://www.amazon.com/Filthy-Book-Fancy-Dress-Formatting-ebook/dp/B00WIPMMEC?ie=UTF8&keywords=a%20filthy%20book%20in%20a%20fancy%20dress&qid=1464386351&ref_=sr_1_1&sr=8-1).

There's a whole section in there on hand coding. Takes a bit to learn. I'm not claiming to like hand coding at all, but that book makes it a ton easier.

Why not learn to handcode?

Two good books on how:

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00WIPMMEC/

https://www.amazon.com/Word-Kindle-Publishing-Microsoft-Formatting-ebook/dp/B078PVHFH1

For me coding is less hard than forcing myself to do a boring thing lots of times! The process goes like this:

1.) Google something like what I want to do. (Hope someone already did something similar.)

2.) Copy it. Make the changes to apply to my particular situation.

3.) It does something. Not what I wanted it to do. Cry. Swear.

4.) Google something slightly different and splice in the new information.

5.) Does it work? If so, yay! If not, go to 3. Repeat until forever.

Here's the little bit I stared at for 30 minutes until I figured out what I was doing wrong (and therefore what was right):

line = re.sub(r'<p>','<p class=first>',line)
line = line.replace('</span>','')
splitstring = line.partition('<span>')
line = splitstring[0] + '<span class=fletter>' + splitstring[2][0] + '</span>' + splitstring[2][1:]

which basically takes a line of the document which is encased in <p><span>[words]</span></p> tags and moves the span with my first letter class around the first letter.

It is simple and silly and dumb and I yelled at it and I sent my partner angry unicorn .gifs about it and when it worked at last I got up out of my chair and did a small dance in the middle of the room.

Hat tip to "Zen of Ebook Formatting" and "A Filthy Book in a Fancy Dress", the latter of which I can never ever search for ("A Naughty Book in a Pretty Dress"? "A Dirty Book in a Classy Dress"? "A Slutty Book in a Lovely Dress"?) and end up searching for BOOK DRESS FORMATTING DAMMIT until I find it.

https://www.amazon.com/Filthy-Book-Fancy-Dress-Formatting-ebook/dp/B00WIPMMEC

https://www.amazon.com/Zen-eBook-Formatting-Step-step-ebook/dp/B00KJAH4HS/

EDIT: to add a closed paren. you might think I would be on the lookout for that stuff after coding all day but APPARENTLY NOT

I’m pretty sure that’s the intro to Helicopter Man Pounds Dinosaur Billionaire Ass (a novel).

I've got just the book for you.

For my 16th birthday my friends bought me a physical copy of a book by that author, it was called "Helicopter Man Pounds Dinosaur Billionaire Ass". Heres the ebook for any interested parties: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Helicopter-Pounds-Dinosaur-Billionaire-Novel-ebook/dp/B011YHWHPI

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Book-Own-ebook/dp/B01FDZJHGO?ie=UTF8&qid=1464127206&ref_=la_B00SF2MTYK_1_22&refinements=p_82%3AB00SF2MTYK&s=books&sr=1-22#navbar

Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union

Chuck Tingle never fails to deliver.

This man is my hero.

I think what a lot of first time readers don't realize about Chuck Tingle is that he's possibly one of the best surrealist shitpost artists of his time, like the Neil Cicierega of smutty amazon books, or something along those lines. I mean, hear me out; he's directly targeting the niche market of bland, cookie cutter vampire-werewolf erotica that gets sold to soccer moms frustrated with their husbands - while also being both 0% and 100% serious about it at any given time.

Seriously, look at the guy's twitter, he has this whole roleplay scenario going on with a kind of shitpost-story-arc-of-the-week theme and people actively egg him on in his oddly specific injokes. This seems too oddly specific to be just the work of an AI bot.

Also, I mean... come on. He's written satirical social commentaries about Trump, Brexit and even those starbucks holiday cups (yes, all the links mentioned are nsfw). You gotta give him at least some credit for that.

Don't be silly. This is post-Brexit Britain.

For less messy amazon links you can extract the part after "/dp/" in

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Handsome-Russian-Blackmailed-Getting-ebook/dp/B01MS6FO50/ref=cm_sw_em_r_awdo_v_das_am6Dyb8KCHTWB_tt), [megalodon.jp](http://megalodon.jp/2017-0113-0042-56/https://www.amazon.com:443/Pounded-Handsome-Russian-Blackmailed-Getting-ebook/dp/B01MS6FO50/ref=cm_sw_em_r_awdo_v_das_am6Dyb8KCHTWB_tt

and make it:

https://amzn.com/B01MS6FO50

Or via smile link:

https://smile.amazon.com/dp/B01MS6FO50

BEEP BOP

Plz send any recommendations via PM

But what about as a Gay T-Rex?

Os melhores continuam a ser este e este na minha modesta opinião

Damn, I was hoping for a new Chuck Tingle. Like the eminent classic Domald Tromp Pounded in the Butt by the Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed on His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With the Videos of His Butt Being Peed On

DOMALD TROMP POUNDED IN THE BUTT BY THE HANDSOME RUSSIAN T-REX WHO ALSO PEED ON HIS BUTT AND THEN BLACKMAILED HIM WITH THE VIDEOS OF HIS BUTT GETTING PEED ON

I vote we all standardize on "Domald Tromp"

He's selling his political/dinosaur erotica books on amazon. His name is Chuck Tingle

Infinite economic growth is possible when you consider that more and more products are intellectual in nature. The Work of esteemed Dr. Chuck Tingle is probably the best proof you can find for this. 10 years ago, you couldn't make a living writing Gay Erotic Bitcoin Fanfiction, but today, it is completely possible. "There is a Bitcoin in my Butt and he is Handsome" isn't at all dependent on the finite resources of our planet. Neither is "Pounded in the Butt by my own Butt" for that matter. Yet these literary masterpieces enable Dr. Tingle to carve out a living for himself doing what he loves.


Link related.


https://www.amazon.com/Theres-Bitcoin-My-Butt-Handsome-ebook/dp/B073NF2Z9G/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=There+is+a+bitcoin+in+my+butt&qid=1569538646&sr=8-1

I'll one up ya.

Domald Tromp Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On Kindle Edition

Women read romance novels. With bad-boy billionaires. And T-Rexes. Seriously.

I hope this helps...

In case you're into it...

Tanks and The Modern Army, by J.S. Woulden, is a highly regarded source

> Just want someone to talk about space and dinosaurs with

> I don't want a sexual thing

Not even Space Raptor Butt Sex?

fwiw this also exists

about the author

http://www.amazon.com/Conquered-Clippy-Erotic-Digital-Desires-ebook/dp/B00UJ01WBW

"Kirk is a scientific researcher on the leading edge of cloning technology, but his team has reached a standstill. In an effort to stabilize rapid clone growth, researchers have been taking DNA from various parts of their bodies and combining it with small amounts of animal DNA.

But when the scientists combine samples from Kirk’s butt, brain, and a hawk, the resulting effect is a handsome, living ass who immediately sweeps Kirk off of his feet over a candlelit dinner for two.

Kirk has finally found a lover that truly understands him at his very core… his own gay ass!

This erotic tale is 4,000 words of sizzling human on gay ass action, including anal, blowjobs, rough sex, cream pies and sentient butt love."

Kirk's book

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Butt-My-Own-ebook/dp/B00UYC1ASU

It’s a great read but it’s no Chuck Tingle bestseller!

There is even more than what has come out.

https://www.amazon.com/Pounded-Handsome-Russian-Blackmailed-Getting-ebook/dp/B01MS6FO50

How about Dino porn? Or a novel being optioned for a VR film after being out one week

Pet travel net

Unicorn poop soap

Taken by the T rex- erotica

Something I really want or anything on any of my wishlists. I don't have a preference.

Thanks for the contest and all these entries make me giggle. I also apologize if any of these are found offensive or not very creative. Finding what the fuck items is actually harder then I expected.

Edit. Had to change some as others had posted already

You're talking about Domald Tromp. He's the one who got Pounded In The Butt By The Handsome Russian T-Rex Who Also Peed On His Butt And Then Blackmailed Him With The Videos Of His Butt Getting Peed On.